Law beats tractor

Before I start today's post, I have an announcement to make: starting next month, I am adding a new feature to the final post each month. In addition to one or more people receiving an award for Bellend of the Month, I will award one business in my home town with a Good Service Award.

The Bellend of the Month for August 2012 is Roger Pion. He is a farmer in the US state of Vermont who was facing a minor drugs charge early this month. But he landed himself in more serious trouble after destroying vehicles parked outside the Orleans County Sheriff’s Department in Derby with his father’s tractor and then driving it toward downtown Newport, which is not far from the crime scene, before police stopped him. Authorities say he had been angry over a previous arrest for marijuana possession. During that arrest, police threw Pion to the ground, injuring him sufficiently that he was unresponsive, and then they called an ambulance. He was taken to a local hospital with a concussion. That was a bit more brutal than what would normally be called for during an arrest, but I would've filed a lawsuit against the police department instead of taking it out on seven police cruisers. But he was released last night (Eastern Daylight Time) and I hope he doesn't give the cops any more trouble.

It's just been revoked

More than 2,000 students potentially face deportation after a London university had its licence to teach and recruit overseas students revoked. London Metropolitan University has had its right to sponsor students from outside the EU revoked, and will no longer be allowed to authorise visas. Ministers say the university is not tracking course attendance and that many students have no right to be there. So basically, this means that two thousand students will have to find somewhere else to study or go back home. Elsewhere in London, the Paralympics is under way following a spectacular opening ceremony with the British team aiming to win a record 103 medals. And speaking of medals, the sheriff of Arizona's Maricopa County, Joe Arpaio, said yesterday in Tampa that the Obama administration should give him a medal for apprehending undocumented immigrants rather than investigating him for his methods. "I should be getting a medal. The president should invite me to the White House ... and thank me for helping the government fight illegal immigration and the drug cartels," Arpaio told members of the foreign press covering the Republican National Convention. I don't know whose side to take on this issue, but he should at least stop questioning Obama's birth certificate. We would've had the same issue with McCain, who was born in Panama.

Party of Three

Last week, a 19th century Spanish fresco was ruined after a good Samaritan attempted a DIY restoration of the artwork. That's right, three separate photographs of “Ecce Homo” by painter Elias Garcia Martinez show extensive damage caused by an elderly woman who decided the masterpiece needed a little refurbishment. But in a time of austerity, rather than calling in a professional to complete the job, the unnamed woman attempted to restore the mural herself – at a devastating cost. The result (pictured) was a botched repair where the intricate brush strokes of Martinez were replaced with a haphazard splattering of the octogenarian's paint. Years of carefully calculated depth of expression simply washed out by copious amounts of red and brown. But at least it looks better than when Mr. Bean attempted a similar amateur repair on a painting he sneezed on. Fast-forward to today, where a notary in the Brazilian state of Sao Paulo has sparked controversy by accepting a civil union between three people. Public Notary Claudia do Nascimento Domingues has said the man and two women should be entitled to family rights. She says there is nothing in the law to prevent such an arrangement. I agree. But the move has angered some religious groups, while one lawyer described it as absurd and totally illegal. And you know what I have to say to the union's detractors? Get a life. It's not like they're dressing up as the Joker and shooting up the local cinema.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Superbugs

And now there's a way to get rid of them. Vitamin B3 could be the new weapon in the fight against superbugs such as Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA). US experts have found that B3, also known as nicotinamide, boosts the ability of immune cells to kill Staphylococcus bacteria. B3 increases the numbers and efficacy of neutrophils, which are white blood cells that can kill and eat harmful bugs. The study, in the Journal of Clinical Investigation, could lead to a major change in treatment. But that will prove useless when there are reports of B3-resistant bugs. Bacteria will in time develop a resistance to current treatments and we will need newer and newer treatments if medical science is to stay on top of such nasties as Staphylococcus aureus.

NINE HUNDRED POSTS!

Jerry Nelson, the puppeteer and voice of Sesame Street's Count von Count, has died aged 78. For more than 40 years, Nelson worked on numerous projects featuring Jim Henson's Muppets, including the TV series Fraggle Rock. Nelson, who suffered from emphysema, died on Thursday in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Also dead is a South Korean law requiring citizens to use their real names on websites. The law in question has been struck down by a panel of judges in the country's Constitutional Court, who said the rule restricted freedom of speech and undermined democracy, which is essential so as not to turn South Korea into North Korea. The requirement was introduced in 2007 as part of efforts to tackle cyber-bullying. But in addition to the freedom of speech and democracy arguments, the judges said that many users had switched to overseas sites so they could continue to conceal their identity, putting local services at a disadvantage. There had also been complaints that the system had made it easier for cyber-criminals to commit identity theft. To sum it up, the Constitutional Court has made the right call.

One giant death to mankind

Neil Armstrong, the American astronaut who made "one giant leap for mankind" when he became the first man to walk on the moon, died yesterday at the age of 82. But what didn't die is Man United's chances of winning the Premiership. Man U's season is finally off and running, after the Reds came from behind to beat Fulham this morning at Old Trafford. Man United's goals were scored by Robin van Persie, Shinji Kagawa, and Rafael. Fulham scored courtesy of Damien Duff and an own goal by Nemanja Vidic. Brede Hangeland was shown the only yellow card in the match.

How's this for resolution?

A new high-resolution television format has been approved by the UN's communication standards setting agency. Broadcasts in 8K will offer a resolution of 7,680 by 4,320 pixels - roughly the equivalent of a 32 megapixel photo. That is 16 times as sharp as current HD TVs offering about 2MP resolutions. And speaking of resolution, foreign ministers from the American continents have urged Britain and Ecuador to peacefully end the stand-off over WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange. Assange, who is wanted in Sweden for questioning on sex allegations, has been granted political asylum by the South American country and spent the last two months holed up in its London embassy. The UK government has made it clear the Australian activist will be arrested and extradited if he steps outside the building after jumping bail. So he's stuck there until somebody can smuggle him into Ecuador, and I know a way they can do it: Assange can go to Sweden anyway, and an Ecuadorean diplomatic plane or helicopter can meet him there or in the States and take him to start a new life in Ecuador, whose president has said the diplomatic row could be ended tomorrow if Britain gave the activist safe passage to South America. Rafael Correa said: "This could end tomorrow if the UK grants safe passage, or it could go on for months and years if Mr Assange can't leave the embassy of Ecuador in London." And speaking of London, the Paralympics will be starting there on Wednesday. But the Olympic logo (pictured below in four colours and in a similar variation being used as the Paralympic logo) should've been one which doesn't look like Lisa Simpson giving somebody a blowjob.

Internet TVs and doping and the Joker, oh my!

Televisions were once a reprieve from the outside world, then they became a reprieve from the online world, and now they're turning into just another way to stay connected. In a new study published this week, research firm NPD revealed that 18 percent of consumers across 14 countries, including the U.S. and U.K., access Web-based services and media from their televisions. That figure includes both people connecting to the Web from their televisions, as well as through set-top boxes hooked up to their sets. But enough about that, because Lance Armstrong has announced he will stop fighting a barrage of drug charges from the US Anti-Doping Agency (USADA), putting at risk his unparalleled string of seven Tour de France titles and his legacy as one of the greatest sportsmen in history. Armstrong's declaration last night sets up a likely lifetime ban from the sport and the possibility that he will be stripped of his signature achievement – the extraordinary run of Tour titles he won from 1999 to 2005. If he did cheat his way to becoming such a legend, then he made the right choice in coming clean. But if he didn't, then by giving up the fight, the cancer survivor and 7-time Tour winner is just letting himself be trampled on. If it does turn out that his seven Tour victories were all lies, then I'm sure a lot of his fans will be crushed. In other news, the city of Aurora, Colorado is asking residents to weigh in on the future of Century 16, where a gunman killed 12 people last month. I think they should reopen, but that should be a decision best left to the community to make. And many who have shared their comments about the issue on the city's Facebook page have said Century 16 should reopen as a sign of the community's strength. One of them said closing the theatre would represent a victory for Mr. Holmes and inconvenience those who live nearby. Another resident commented that reopening the theatre would be a token of respect and remembrance to the people who lost their lives. Others have suggested converting the screening room where Holmes allegedly opened fire into a memorial (which could mean changing the cinema's name to Century 15) or turning the entire building into a free mental-health clinic. Others say the cinema, which sits in the parking lot of a struggling mall, should be torn down. "Raze it, leave a marker, and maybe build somewhere else," says one such post. "This theater [sic] and nearby mall have long been a blighted, unsafe area of the city."

Mich ado about nothing

When 5-year-old Cooper Barton wore a University of Michigan shirt to kindergarten in Oklahoma City, the principal asked him to turn it inside-out. Much to the surprise of his mother, the school district's dress code only allows university wear from schools in the state of Oklahoma. The dress code, adopted in 2005, was meant to deter gangs. Gangs? Gangs? I don't think a 5-year-old would even understand that. The district needs to re-evaluate this. I'd be mad if I were the kid's father. There was nothing offensive about that shirt. Sure the school board had a good reason, but I think they've taken it too far. And besides, if it was because it was a "gang" colour and he had to turn it inside-out, what colour did it become by doing that?

RIP Diller

That's right, Phyllis Diller is dead. But here's something to take our minds off this tragedy: a burger grown in a laboratory. Sounds like science-fiction? Well, up until very recently, it probably was. But now, the prospect of lab-grown meat appearing on supermarket shelves is closer than ever. Synthetic or test-tube meat involves taking a small amount of cells from a living animal and growing it into lumps of muscle tissue in the lab, which can then, in theory, be eaten as meat for human consumption. As well avoiding killing animals, scientists believe that this could help reduce the environmental impact of meat production. It will also allow people to eat the meat of endangered species, as well as animals that are seen as pets, with less controversy because the animals are not actually dying in the process. And maybe Soylent Green can become a reality without the main ingredient (people) getting killed in the process. But mostly, it will possibly become a necessary evil designed to feed starving African children.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT PART TWO: Everton

Everton are the bellends who are responsible for an early setback suffered by Manchester United this morning at Goodison Park. Everton played well, but all in all, they are bellends. The final score was 1-0 to Everton, with the goal being scored by Marouane Fellaini. Nani and Paul Scholes received yellow cards. This was a chastening experience for Sir Alex’s men and a reminder that life in the Barclays Premier League – even at Manchester United and especially when Everton are the opposition – is never easy.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT PART ONE: Everton

Before we begin, we are transitioning the Weekly Gross-Out feature to Tuesdays, hence this week's story being told in two parts.

Everton are complete bellends, as one should already know. Man United's first game of the season is against those nutjobs, and will be taking place at Goodison Park tonight at 8pm British Summer Time. The match will, as per this blog's in-house style, be reported in Part Two tomorrow as having taken place the following morning because all times mentioned are in New Zealand time (12 or 13 hours ahead of GMT depending on time of year) unless otherwise specified. I hope Man United will redeem themselves this season and win a twentieth Premiership title.

I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE SOON!

The photo is my sister's ultrasound. And no, I am NOT the father. And speaking of father, the Rev. Angel Armando Perez, a pastor at St. Luke Parish in Woodburn, Oregon, now faces a charge of sexual abuse involving a child. This has to stop. This sort of behaviour is giving the Catholic Church a bad name, and if the allegations are true, then that bellend will possibly go to prison where there is a chance that he will get what's coming to him in the showers. It's called karma. And speaking of karma, electric-car maker Fisker Automotive is recalling about 2,400 Karma sports sedans to fix cooling fans that can catch fire. The recall comes after Fisker and a private fire investigation firm finished probing a fire in a Karma in Woodside, California last week. The company said the probe found that the blaze started in front of the Karma's left front wheel where a cooling fan is located. Wiring in the fan failed and it overheated, causing the slow-burning fire. And speaking of fire, a 15-year-old New Jersey girl has been arrested on charges of arson and attempted murder, accused of setting her family's house on fire and trying to kill them. The girl faces two counts of aggravated arson and six counts of attempted murder in the 2 a.m. yesterday (Eastern Daylight Time) fire at the family's Clayton home in southwest New Jersey, the Gloucester County Prosecutor's Office said in a news release. This is just horrible and she should at least be made to realise that there are consequences for her actions. She will be lucky to avoid a spell in juvie.

Pussy Riot sentence could cause a real riot

The mother of a pregnant leukaemia patient who died after her chemotherapy was delayed over anti-abortion laws is accusing doctors of not putting her daughter's health first. The 16-year-old's plight attracted worldwide attention after she had to wait for chemotherapy because of an abortion ban in the Dominican Republic. Doctors were hesitant to give her chemotherapy because such treatment could terminate the pregnancy - a violation of the Dominican Constitution, which bans abortion. Some 20 days after she was admitted to the hospital, she finally started receiving treatment but she died yesterday. And so did any impression of free speech in post-Soviet Russia. That's right, three members of Russian female punk rock band Pussy Riot were sentenced to two years in prison yesterday after they were found guilty of hooliganism for performing a song critical of President Vladimir Putin in a church. The judge rejected the women's defense that they were acting from political motives, ruling that they had intended to insult the Russian Orthodox Church and undermine public order. This is indeed an attack on free speech, like the ones that the Russian people had had enough of in Soviet times. It puts a serious question mark over Russia's respect for international obligations of fair, transparent, and independent legal process. It also runs counter to Russia's international obligations as regards respect for freedom of expression. Everyone has the right to free speech, everywhere in the world. Pussy Riot should be released, or at the very least be granted asylum in Ecuador.

Assange has been granted asylum

And police in Central Otago are monitoring Facebook today after being tipped off to a fight being planned for this weekend by youths involved in a rugby match brawl a week ago. The plans are a result of continuing friction after a brawl broke out at a match between an Upper Clutha under-16 side and a Cromwell under-17 side at the Upper Clutha rugby grounds last Saturday. I am not surprised by this. People hold grudges all the time, but there are better ways of settling the score than putting others in the hospital. But if they do decide to fight, they'd better not dress up as the Joker - it's still too soon for that.

WikiLeaker about to be leaked into Ecuador... or Sweden

Today may be the 35th anniversary of Elvis Presley's passing, but we have some more serious issues to deal with: the UK has sent a letter to the Ecuadorian embassy in London warning that it would enter the compound if WikiLeaks’ founder Julian Assange, who is seeking asylum in the South American nation, is not handed over to local authorities, Ecuador’s Foreign Minister Ricardo Patino told reporters in Quito yesterday. Assange sought refuge in the embassy on June 19 after exhausting options in U.K. courts to avert extradition to Sweden, where he faces questioning on allegations of rape and sexual molestation. The 41-year-old Australian, first arrested in London in December 2010, breached the terms of his bail by staying at the Ecuadorean Embassy. Ecuador’s government will announce today whether it will give Assange asylum, and my guess is that Ecuador will take him in, maybe with him spending his final moments in Britain as a diplomat so the cops can't touch him. And speaking of hammer, the superintendent of a local board of education in Japan was hospitalised yesterday after he was attacked by a youth with a hammer, in the most extreme reaction yet to the town’s mishandling of a bullying case that has shocked the nation.

Coming to Ecuador... maybe

Ecuador could make a decision on the asylum request of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange as early as this week, President Rafael Correa said. Assange has been holed up inside the Ecuadorian Embassy in London since petitioning for asylum on June 19. He is seeking to avoid being sent to Sweden over claims of rape and sexual molestation, and he fears if he is extradited there, Swedish authorities could hand him over to the United States. It's taken eight weeks, but as long as he doesn't get sent to Sweden, everything will be fine. In other news, this is the best. Apartment. Ever. I want it. I WANT IT!!!

Here's some stuff for you to do now that the Olympics are over

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Doping

Doping is not cool. It gives athletes an unfair advantage and has been responsible for many an occasion where a drug cheat's national anthem has been played at a medal ceremony instead of that of a non-doper who was more deserving of the gold all along. And that, my friends, is why the International Olympic Committee has stripped American cyclist Tyler Hamilton of his 2004 gold due to doping and ordered him to return the medal that he won in the Athens Olympics. The IOC also ruled that the riders who finished behind Hamilton (i.e. all of them) in the individual time trial in Athens will now be moved up in placement. That means Ekimov Viatcheslav Ekimov of Russia will now get the gold medal, Bobby Julich of America will get the silver, and Michael Rogers of Australia will now get the bronze.

Let them smoke weed

With the intent of undermining the market for illegal drugs, Uruguay's government presented a bill to lawmakers that would legalise marijuana under a government monopoly. The government of President Jose Mujica has argued that the war on drugs has failed, and that separating the market for marijuana from the market for harder drugs will have social and health benefits. As well as the stated benefits, this could bring in some tax money for the Uruguayan government. In fact, everyone else should consider making pot legal for the tax money like they're doing with tobacco. Such a move will also eliminate a lot of the lawlessness associated with the drug, much of this being due to the fact that the drug is illegal to begin with. So on the whole, I think Uruguay are doing the right thing. And speaking of the right thing, a popular Indian yoga guru has fasted for a fourth day today and is threatening to expand his protest nationwide if the government doesn't act decisively to bring back billions of dollars of ill-gotten money that some Indians have allegedly stashed abroad. "If the prime minister fails to respond to my demand by Sunday evening, I will intensify the protest across the country in the form of a people's revolt," Baba Ramdev told thousands of cheering supporters at a sprawling fairground in New Delhi.

Who let the golds out?

The UN has called for an immediate suspension of government-mandated US ethanol production, adding to pressure on Barack Obama to address the food-versus-fuel debate in the run-up to presidential elections. Most US ethanol is made from corn. The dispute over ethanol promotion pits states such as Iowa that benefit from higher corn prices (and in some cases are swing states in the election) against livestock-raising states such as Texas that are helped by lower corn prices. But enough about that, because the Bahamas claimed a first track and field Olympic medal storming to gold in the 4x400m relay ahead of Team USA yesterday. Bahamas anchorman Ramon Miller ran an inspired final leg to overall America's Angelo Taylor and come home in a national record of two minutes 56.72 seconds. This will most certainly be one for the local history books, as will be Usain Bolt's successful defence of his 100m and 200m titles and 19-year-old Kirani James taking home Grenada's first Olympic gold a few days ago. And New Zealand has so far won 5 golds, 3 silvers, and 5 bronzes. Even though we haven't won as many as Australia, we're still ahead of North Korea.

The cokes are back in town

PepsiCo, one of the world's largest drinks makers, has announced plans to re-enter Burma as the country opens up its markets after various sanctions against it were lifted. It has signed an agreement with a Burmese firm to distribute Pepsi-Cola, 7-Up, and Mirinda brands in the country. PepsiCo, which pulled out of Burma in 1997, said it was also exploring the option of setting up production there. The firm's rival Coca-Cola has also announced plans to return to Burma after 60 years of absence due to US-imposed investment sanctions against the country. But the only thing I even care about here is that we have a choice between the two colas. I don't favour one brand over the other. Cola is cola no matter what brand it is. I'm on the fence when it comes to these "cola wars", so I'll leave it to the Burmese people to decide which brand they feel is better. In other news, Disney has confirmed that Joss Whedon will return to write and direct the sequel to The Avengers, which is now the third highest-grossing film of all time and the only one in the top three not to be directed by James Cameron. The news comes just weeks after the director told an audience at Comic-Con that he was undecided about whether he would return to the franchise. The sequel will be released in 2015.

Cameroon no longer cuts it for seven of its athletes

What began as rumour has finally turned out to be true. Seven Cameroonian athletes who participated at the 2012 London Olympic Games have disappeared from the Olympic Village. David Ojong, the head of the Cameroon delegation, said five boxers, a swimmer, and a female football player had been missing since the weekend. The reason for their disappearance is not known, amid some reports that they wanted to stay in the UK for economic reasons. If that's the case, I wish them well, but they should sort out citizenship or residency before their visas expire in November, otherwise they will have to leave unless they want immigration to come after them.

A reserve goalkeeper for the women's soccer team, Drusille Ngako, was the first to vanish. Her disappearance was followed by that of swimmer Paul Ekane Edingue, reportedly along with his personal belongings. The five boxers who disappeared were Thomas Essomba, Christian Donfack Adjoufack, Abdon Mewoli, Blaise Yepmou Mendouo, and Serge Ambomo. The home office said it could not comment on whether any of the seven had sought asylum in the UK.

In other news, Martin Fleischmann, the chemist who with Stanley Pons claimed in 1989 to have achieved "cold fusion", has died, and the EU is to hold urgent talks tomorrow over a diplomatic row between Belarus and Sweden, which followed a political stunt involving teddy bears with pro-democracy messages.

Too much for tea

The price of tea has jumped to a 2½-year high as poor crops strain supplies in some of the world's most important producers. Dry conditions, poor rains, and frosts are responsible for a hit to tea production in Kenya, the largest exporter of black tea. A bad monsoon has reduced production prospects in India and Sri Lanka, two other major exporters. The wholesale price of the highest quality black tea, known as broken pekoe 1 or BP1, has surged 41% higher since the start of the year, last month surpassing US$4 a kilo, a level seen only once before in late 2009, when prices reached US$5.45. The increase in prices will be felt the world over by drinkers of sweet brews in Cairo, milky cuppas in London, and iced tea in Los Angeles. Tea lovers in poorer countries are likely to feel the biggest impact, as retailers' margins are lower than in the west.

But that's nothing compared to this: an Australian newspaper found itself the focus of a 14-paragraph denouncement by the state-run North Korean media agency, KCNA. KCNA, known in full as the Korean Central News Agency, lashed out at mX, a free commuter paper in three Australian cities, calling it sordid, foolish, bullying, degrading, incompetent, pitiful, and rogue - among other things. So how did a paper that focuses on fun news, sport, and entertainment earn the verbal wrath of Pyongyang? Last week, the paper published the Olympics medal standing (pictured) and differentiated between South Korea and North Korea by calling them respectively "Nice Korea" and "Naughty Korea." I couldn't agree more. Kim Jong-un has only been Supreme Leader for almost eight months and he has already made some rather stupid mistakes in that time. A failed rocket launch in April wasted money that could have helped to feed the entire population for about nine or ten months. He'd better start playing ball or else there could be revolution.

ERMAHGERD CHERKERN

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Swatting

Swatting is a trend of prank calls involving an anonymous call made to get a team of police to storm a building or an innocent person's home, and it happened last week in LA when armed police stormed the home of pop star Miley Cyrus, who got engaged to Hunger Games star Liam Hemsworth in June, after receiving an emergency call about a possible kidnapping and shooting. The LAPD and rescue crews surrounded the former Hannah Montana star's house in Hollywood on Wednesday, while helicopters circled the property. But they soon discovered there was no one in the building. Swatting is a waste of police time and resources that could be used to deal with genuine incidents. But thankfully, police are tracking the bellend responsible, and if they're found, they will be prosecuted and could face up to a year in jail where their bad little butt will receive the long, hard probing that it deserves.

Cocker to end the cock-up

Jarvis Cocker, Pete Townshend, and other British musicians have called on the Russian President Vladimir Putin to ensure the members of Russian punk band Pussy Riot are given a fair trial in Moscow. Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Mariya Alekhina, and Yekaterina Samutsevich were taken into custody in February after singing a protest song against Putin in Moscow. In a letter to The Times, the musicians said the song was a legitimate protest and called on Putin, who is in London this week for the Olympics, to ensure they receive a fair hearing. In fact, Pussy Riot should be released because they've been locked up for too long and I don't really think they did anything wrong. It's not like they snuck into a movie theatre and shot people. And speaking of that, a controversial billboard comparing President Barack Obama with James Holmes has come down. The electronic billboard featured a photo of Holmes with the words "Kills 12 in a movie theater [sic] with assault rifle, everyone freaks out" next to a photo of Obama with the words "Kills thousands with foreign policy, wins Nobel Peace Prize." Seriously, come on, people. Even if Romney does somehow pull his weight in the White House, this attack on Obama was a bit below the belt. He should not be compared to someone who faces the death penalty for his stupidity.

Spray me some skin

A "spray-on skin" which coats a wound with a layer of skin cells could help healing, according to US and Canadian researchers. The spray was tested on 228 people with leg ulcers, which are painful open wounds that can last for months. The findings, published in the Lancet, showed that ulcers that have been treated with the spray were more likely to heal and did so more quickly. This new finding shows that medical science is at least getting somewhere, considering leg ulcers are hard to treat. The best treatment, compression bandages, will heal only about 70% of ulcers after six months. Other options include taking skin from elsewhere on the body and grafting it over the wound. But instead of all that, the spray puts a coating of donated skin cells and blood-clotting proteins over the ulcer. This has the potential to vastly improve recovery times and overall recovery from leg ulcers, without any need for a skin graft. This means not only that the patient doesn't acquire a new wound where the graft is taken from, but also that the spray-on solution can be available as soon as it is needed. In contrast, skin grafts take a certain amount of time to prepare, which exposes the patient to further discomfort and risk of infection. In other news, award-winning Romanian pianist (NOT penis) Mihaela Ursuleasa has died at the age of 33. The international musician was found dead in her apartment in Vienna, where she had lived since studying in the Austrian capital.

Cheap but still cancerous

After decades of progress toward their goal of preventing smoking-related illness and death, public health officials said yesterday that they're seeing a worrisome new trend: smokers are switching from high-priced cigarettes to cheaper, but equally dangerous, small cigars. While cigarette consumption declined 33% from 2000 to 2011, use of other kinds of tobacco grew by 123%, as smokers sought lower-cost alternatives to cigarettes, whose prices have risen sharply as a growing number of states raise taxes on them, according to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Also, overall declines in smoked-tobacco consumption are grinding to a halt, with less than a 1% decrease in use from 2010 to 2011. This is very worrying news indeed, because of all the efforts to get people off that filthy habit. It's high time for tax hikes on these newly popular little cigars, which are basically plumped up cigarettes. Their slightly larger size nudges them over the edge into a different tax category, allowing them to sell for as little as US$0.07 each (US$1.40 for a pack of 20). This is still more expensive than not taking up smoking to begin with, but in most states, a pack of cigarettes can sell for about 3 times as much. I'm sure governments can milk more tax revenue from the small cigars, which are especially appealing to minors because of the lower cost, and also because they come in a variety of flavours such as grape, vanilla, and chocolate. It's bad enough when adults are lighting up, but when children are hooked, you can tell there has been corruption of innocent minds by those greedy fat-cats whose only purpose in life is to make money from their poison.

One sandwich, hold the needle

A passenger on an Air Canada flight found a sewing needle in a catered sandwich during a flight on Monday. Peter Fitzpatrick, a spokesman for Air Canada, said the following day that the airline is working closely with its caterer, which he didn't name, to ensure heightened security measures have been put in place. But it's too late for this particular flight because the mounties are now investigating the incident, which occurred on a flight from Victoria (host city of the 1994 Commonwealth Games) to Toronto. This incident is similar to reports of needles which were found in six sandwiches on Delta flights from Amsterdam to the United States two weeks ago. See a pattern here? I do, and this whole thing is why people shouldn't trust airline food. There is always going to be a problem with the sandwiches. It could be sewing needles in one sandwich, live maggots in another, or even semen - it is possible that someone at some point in the chain may have been jacking off on company time.

Gore's out

Not Al Gore. I'm talking about Gore Vidal. That's right, the celebrated writer and political commentator died last night (Pacific Daylight Time) aged 86. Gore Vidal, who wrote 25 novels (including the best-selling Burr and Myra Breckenridge), more than 200 essays, and several plays, died at his home in Los Angeles, with the cause of death believed to be complications from pneumonia. I'm sure he will be missed. Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, China's Olympic sports delegation has begun an investigation into allegations two badminton players threw (deliberately lost) their match. Doubles players Yu Yang and Wang Xiaoli are among eight players charged by the Badminton World Federation (BWF) with "not using one's best efforts to win". The other six are four players from South Korea and two from Indonesia, and all eight are either chicken or involved in match-fixing. If the latter turns out to be the case, then those eight should all go to jail. Match-fixing is sometimes used to fund organised crime, and along with steroids, it just takes the fairness and unpredictability out of sport. Just like the racist tweet that got a triple-jumper booted off the Greek delegation, match-fixing is also against Olympic ideals. And speaking of Olympic ideals, Great Britain striker Craig Bellamy has called for the national anthem to be respected when they play Uruguay at Cardiff's Millennium Stadium. God Save the Queen was booed before England played football against Wales at the stadium in March 2011. Bellamy (along with fellow Welshmen Ryan Giggs, Joe Allen, Aaron Ramsey, and Neil Taylor) has not sung the anthem while playing in the Olympics so far, but Bellamy said there is no need for non-English supporters to boo it.

And at the end, a ring swallower

The Bellend of the Month for July 2012 is Angela Winters Hardman. She was charged with theft earlier this month after an incident in May where she swallowed a US$4,000 diamond ring at a Salt Lake City department store before pawning it for US$600 when it passed through her system. This is one of the sneakiest ways I know to steal stuff, but at least she was caught on camera swallowing the ring then switching it with a bogus ring. Theft is theft and I hope they send her to jail for it. But at least she didn't dress up as the Joker and shoot up the store.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Baby snatching

Ann Pettway, a woman who snatched a newborn baby from a New York City hospital more than two decades ago and raised her as her own, will be sentenced today at 2:30pm (Eastern Daylight Time). Pettway, who pleaded guilty to a kidnapping charge in February, will learn her fate from a Manhattan federal court judge. During her February court appearance, she offered details of the 1987 kidnapping. She said she took a train from her Connecticut home to Harlem Hospital, where she scooped up 3-week-old Carlina White, who had been brought to the emergency room by her parents. Snatching babies is just wrong. Even if you can't get pregnant, even if you want revenge against the child's parents for something they did to you several years ago, even if you believe you will be a better parent than the child's birth parents, it is still kidnapping and no parent should ever have to suffer this misfortune. But at least Carlina eventually found, and got to spend time with, her real mother.

Unborn goes to the Joker

Ashley Moser, a pregnant Colorado woman who took a bullet to the stomach and lost her 6-year-old daughter Veronica in the “Dark Knight” rampage, has suffered a second tragedy: the death of her unborn child. But there's been another gunman on the prowl: Daryl Benway of Oxford, Massachusetts. Yesterday, he drove to his wife’s home and shot his 7-year-old daughter, Abigail, killing her. He also fired on his 9-year-old son, Owen, but he survived. Benway then took his own life. His wife found out about the horrific crime when she returned home to find police cruisers and television crews around her house. Seriously, everyone, America does not need more gunmen. Guns are a good deterrent but when abused, they just cause problems like what happened in Colorado last week. In other news, a 45-year-old man, who Oklahoma City police arrested last month on charges of panhandling, says he makes US$60,000 a year begging for money. How's that for "not a real job"?

What a Joker

A 28-year-old Maryland man named Neil Prescott repeatedly threatened to "blow everybody up" at his former workplace and called himself a "joker," in what is believed to be a reference to last week's mass shooting during a midnight screening of the latest Batman movie in Aurora, Colorado. Prescott reportedly called a colleague, who worked with him at mail services supplier Pitney Bowes, on Monday and repeatedly said, "I am a joker; I'm going to load my guns," according to a search warrant application. He also said he wanted to "see the supervisor's brain splatter all over the sidewalk," according to court records. The colleague, who knew of Prescott's gun collection, alerted police. Prescott had an arsenal of guns, though it wasn't clear how serious he was about the threats he had made to his boss over the telephone. It also wasn't immediately clear when the threat was to be carried out (if ever), but last week's mass shooting during the latest Batman movie — coupled with the "Joker" reference — put police on edge and gave the comments extra urgency. Though there's no other indication of a link to the Colorado shooting, police believe the joker comments were a clear reference to the killings, for which the bellend involved, James Holmes, could be executed. Prescott clearly picked the wrong time to be making such threats, especially when references to the Joker come into play. Families who have lost loved ones are still grieving. This is one of the few times where a Holocaust joke would've been in much better taste. But speaking of movie-theatre shootings, Warner Bros. is rethinking its plans for the film "Gangster Squad" in light of a scene featuring a movie-theatre shooting, but beyond that, Hollywood executives expect little fall-out from the Batman shootings. Officials at Warner Bros. are expected to meet on Monday to discuss whether to remove or edit the "Gangster Squad" shooting scene, or to change the September 7 release date for the film starring Sean Penn and Ryan Gosling, according to a person familiar with the discussions.

The Olympics are officially underway

And so is chemotherapy for a pregnant leukemia patient in the Dominican Republic. Her life was at risk because anti-abortion laws in the Dominican Republic prevented doctors from treating her, but she has started receiving chemo. But instead of breaking laws that I don't really agree with, they could've flown her to nearby Puerto Rico (a territory of the USA) and given her chemo there. It doesn't matter now because she's receiving the chemo, and the treatment should continue because laws against abortion shouldn't be construed as preventing the mother from receiving possibly life-saving treatment. In fact, said laws shouldn't exist, and neither should this: security researchers have discovered a way to replicate a person's eye to bypass iris-scanning security systems. A team at the Universidad Autonoma de Madrid was able to recreate the image of an iris from digital codes of real irises stored in security databases. This new finding raises doubts over what is considered to be one of the most secure methods of biometric security.

2012 already turning into chaos

That's right, 2012 is upon us, and the Olympics have already gone south in at least two ways: first off, the North Korean women's soccer team's game against Colombia had to be delayed by just over an hour because of an incident where South Korea's flag was displayed on a jumbotron in Hampden Park. Second, a Greek triple jumper named Voula Papachristou was expelled from the Olympics after she posted a racist joke on Twitter. The tweets mocked African migrants and expressed support for a far-right political party. An offending message – which was referring to reports of mosquitoes carrying the West Nile virus in her home country – read: ‘With so many Africans in Greece, at least the West Nile mosquitoes will eat home made food!’ I don't know about you, but I think she deserved to be kicked out. That tweet was not only offensive but contrary to Olympic values and ideals, and is just as bad as when Gwyneth Paltrow tweeted the N word while quoting a song title. The Olympic teams - not just Greece, but every other nation - are not just here to get medals but to promote the Olympic ideals and show their character. But I hope she improves her conduct so she has a chance of being selected for the 2016 games in Rio.

Let's wing this one

McDonald’s customers love their chicken served small, in quick-delivery format such as McNuggets and McBites. Which may make their newest test - deep-fried chicken wings - such a no-brainer. Several McDonald’s restaurants in Atlanta, Georgia are testing out the so-called Mighty Wings, which the chain served across the U.S. in the 1990s and has recently offered in Australia and Spain. But according to Danya Proud, a spokeswoman for the fast-food giant, “There are no plans to roll these out nationally.” But they may want to reconsider bringing its wings to other states. A current culinary trend toward snacking and street food as well as dining value is making chicken wings a hot commodity. In fact, McDonald's should bring Mighty Wings to New Zealand, or at least a variation on KFC's Double Down with two all-beef patties replacing the chicken. In other news, Ashton Kutcher made headlines on Monday after paparazzi caught him snuggling with former “That '70s Show” costar Mila Kunis at a party in Hollywood, and Christian Bale has made a surprise visit to the victims of last week's shooting in Colorado.

He did start the fire

In the fourth episode of Summer Heights High, Jonah Takalua falsely accused his father of touching his genitals in order to avoid an assignment for a class he didn't like (to see it, click here and watch from about 4 mins 15 secs into the video). However, that cowardly act is nowhere near as cowardly as this: a civilian employee set fire to a nuclear-powered submarine because he had anxiety and wanted to get out of work early, Navy investigators said in a complaint filed yesterday. Casey James Fury of Portsmouth, New Hampshire, faces up to life in prison if convicted of two counts of arson in the fire aboard the USS Miami attack submarine while it was in dry dock on May 23 and a second blaze outside the sub on June 16. Fury was taking medications for anxiety and depression, and he told investigators he set the fires so he could get out of work, according a seven-page affidavit filed yesterday in a District Court in Portland (the one in Maine, not the one in Oregon that was almost called Boston). The first fire alone took more than 12 hours to extinguish and caused an estimated US$400 million in damage. This is by far the worst thing anybody has ever done to get out of an undesired task. That bellend should go to prison for what he did. In other news, Sally Ride, who was the first American woman in space, died yesterday at the age of 61 after losing her battle with pancreatic cancer. Her first flight, in 1983 aboard the Challenger, came two decades after the Soviets sent a woman named Valentina Tereshkova into space.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Paying for waffles

Or at least that's what the Swedish Young Pirates association thought. They had a tent at a local municipal festival, and were handing out free waffles as an attraction. They were targeted with eviction from the festival, not because they weren’t allowed to make food or give things away (they were), but because the traditional festival waffle makers couldn’t get paid anymore. It sounds like a joke, but it isn’t. In fact, I can't find anything more ridiculous to speak out against this week. As described by Gustav Nipe, chairman of Young Pirate and one of the people giving out waffles at the festival: “Today a lady walked by and complained that we give our waffles away. Apparently, that is horrible behavior as people are trying to sell waffles at the festival, and how could they get paid if there are free waffles?” Instead of selling the waffles for 25 Swedish kronor (about NZ$4.50), the Young Pirates were sharing them for free. They should be praised for this because not every person could afford the 25 kronor necessary to buy the waffles elsewhere. Such a stupid rule against free waffles is only there to protect the business interests of the selfish and money-hungry competition, who only want money just for the sake of having money. If there is a free (or at the very least cheaper) alternative, then that's the one people should go for, hence sites like The Pirate Bay even existing in the first place.

It's Pi Approximation Day again

But I can think of a better reason to bring science into today's post: researchers from UCLA have developed a new transparent solar cell that is a significant step towards giving the windows in homes and other buildings the ability to generate electricity while still being transparent. The research team describes a new kind of polymer solar cell (PSC) that produces energy by absorbing mainly infrared light, not visible light, making the cells nearly 70% transparent to the human eye. They created the device from a photoactive plastic that generates an electrical current from infrared light. In other words, there will soon be even less reason to rely on the electric companies for what has become a basic need in our time. The PSCs are made from plastic-like materials and are lightweight and flexible, and more importantly, they can be produced in high volume at low cost. So once this invention gets off the ground, the money-hungry electric companies could soon be brought to their knees.

Let's AID the disadvantaged against AIDS

Black gay men are routinely at the “back of the line” when it comes to receiving treatment for HIV and AIDS despite being the population most in need, according to a study released this week. Experts say the problem is especially prevalent in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where black men account for 51 percent of AIDS patients, according to the Louisiana Office of Public Health. The mere fact that a group that should be at the front of the queue is for no good reason shoved to the back is totally unfair and biased. That particular group encounters enough obstacles to treatment (including but not limited to poverty, unemployment, and lack of access to health care) even without racism and homophobia. In other news, last night's deadly shootings at a movie theater in Colorado have briefly silenced the presidential campaign, prompting both Obama and Romney to cut short their schedules and pull advertising in the state out of respect for the victims and their families.

The Death Toll Rises

At least 10 people have been killed and 30 to 40 wounded in a mass shooting at a cinema in Denver during a premiere of the new Batman film The Dark Knight Rises, according to local police. Witnesses saw people running and screaming from the Century Aurora 16 Movie Theater in a mall in the Denver suburb of Aurora. Eyewitnesses reported that a baby was shot at point blank range and some of the victims were children. This is just horrible. It's bad enough the shooter used an emergency exit to sneak in, and if that's all he/she intended to do, then the rap sheet would have stopped at freeloading. But either way, I hope this incident doesn't hurt the movie's chances of turning a profit. In other news, the Double Down comes back to New Zealand on Tuesday. So what does it mean? Cheese, bacon, and secret sauce in between two pieces of chicken.

So shed your skin and let's get tested

A team of researchers has published findings that, they say, indicate criminalisation of HIV may discourage testing and hinder efforts to prevent the spread of the disease. The Canada-based study found that a significant minority of men who have sex with men said that a series high-profile criminal prosecutions related to HIV nondisclosure had impacted their willingness to get tested for the virus or to discuss risk factors with medical professionals. The researchers further reported that these individuals were more likely to engage in higher-risk sexual practices. It is the first empirical evidence to support activists’ contention that HIV-related criminal laws might pose an obstacle to HIV testing. Since these prosecutions tend to target individuals who tested positive for HIV and then allegedly did not disclose that fact to their partners, critics have warned that they create a situation where if you don't know your HIV status, this protects you from arrest, prosecution, and jail time. However, there is a moral basis for the concept of criminal transmission of HIV: the virus has been known to wreak some serious havoc on your immune system, including but not limited to what are known as opportunistic infections. These may be caused by bacteria, viruses, fungi, and parasites that are normally controlled by the immune system. People with HIV/AIDS have an increased risk of developing various viral induced cancers, including but not limited to Kaposi's sarcoma, Burkitt's lymphoma, primary central nervous system lymphoma, and cervical cancer. This is why everybody over the age of 18 should be required by law to undergo compulsory HIV testing every month.

Happy 94th birthday, Nelson Mandela

The Boy Scouts of America announced yesterday that it was affirming, after a secret two-year review, its ban on gay members. The decision elicited widespread criticism and raised questions about whether the world’s largest youth organisation was out of step with the times – and its own principles. The Boys Scouts of America says no gay boys or leaders allowed. The organization upheld its policy after a two-year review brought on by pressure from gay rights groups. Everyone from scout leaders to legal analysts pointed to the cultural currents moving toward more inclusion of gays in US society, from President Obama’s announcement that he now personally supports gay marriage, to the end of the US military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, to the Episcopal church’s decision to bless same-sex unions. The Boy Scouts are on the wrong side of history on this issue and will “wither away” if it sticks to this policy. Gays are people as well. They're here, they're queer, and the Boy Scouts should just get used to it instead of shunning them. Scouting should be for everyone, so the best solution would be to start another more inclusive scouting association. In other news, Romanian president Traian Basescu is likely to be impeached by voters in a referendum on July 29 (not this coming Sunday, but the Sunday after), an opinion poll showed today, providing turnout is high enough to make the vote valid.

Back behind bars for the big disgrace

Keeping track of women’s hemlines is, admittedly, an unusual way to judge the mind-set of a country’s leader. But that is just what veteran North Korea watchers have resorted to in trying to peer into one of the world’s most isolated countries and divine what its new young leader, Kim Jong-un, is thinking. For weeks now, those analysts have puzzled over photos of women sporting miniskirts and heels in downtown Pyongyang, a stunning change from the years when Western wear was mostly shunned in favor of billowy traditional dresses or drab Mao-style work uniforms. But enough about that: Hosni Mubarak (brown streak in picture) was abruptly moved from the relative comfort of a military hospital back to prison yesterday after the country’s public prosecutor ruled that he was fit to serve his time behind bars. A medical committee that was convened to review Mr. Mubarak’s medical condition decided that he needed only routine medical care, according to a statement by Adel el-Said, the spokesman for the prosecutor. That finding apparently ruled out a transfer abroad or to another medical facility, which Mr. Mubarak’s lawyers have demanded, and within hours, Mr. Mubarak was transferred back to Tora Prison, from where he should never have been allowed to venture. He was like a skidmark on the recently-washed underpants of Egyptian society, and he should have just been left to rot in the slammer. Better yet, they should have burned him alive.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Poll taxes

In 1964, the American people enacted the 24th Amendment, to prevent the exclusion of the poor from the ballot box. In Eric H. Holder Junior's speech last week at the NAACP convention, the U.S. Attorney-General wasn't indulging in election-year rhetoric when he condemned voter photo identification laws in Texas as a poll tax that could do just that. He was speaking the hard legal truth. The Justice Department would be right to challenge this new law as an unconstitutional poll tax. The department has temporarily blocked the Texas law under special provisions of the Voting Rights Act that prevent states with a history of discrimination from disadvantaging minority groups. But the Attorney-General should go further and raise a 24th Amendment challenge against Texas and other states that are joining the effort to bar the poor from the polls. This exclusionary campaign should not be allowed to destroy a great constitutional achievement of the civil rights revolution. And besides, the whole point of the poll taxes in the first place was to keep as many black people as possible out of the voting booths. But the states can no longer do that because the 24th Amendment forbids the imposition of "any poll tax or other tax" in federal elections. Texas state law flatly violates this provision in dealing with would-be voters who don't have a state-issued photo ID. To obtain an acceptable substitute, they must travel to a driver's license office and submit appropriate documents, along with their fingerprints, to establish their qualifications. If they don't have the required papers, they must pay $22 for a copy of their birth certificate and if they can't come up with the money for the qualifying documents, they can't vote. But the 24th Amendment denies states the power to create such a financial barrier to the ballot box, and this violation is particularly blatant. In drafting its law, the Legislature rejected a provision that would have provided free copies of the necessary documents. Rather than paying for this service out of the general revenue fund, it chose to disqualify voters who couldn't pay the fee. This is precisely the choice forbidden by the Constitution, and as a result of this, somebody needs to challenge such flawed decision-making.

Look ma, no cords

One reason electric and plug-in hybrid vehicles have hit the market with a thud is that there are strings attached: drivers of models such as the Chevrolet Volt and Nissan Leaf must plug something in to recharge the battery. That's why a number of companies are developing ways to cut the cord, one of these being to replenish the battery wirelessly with a mat that sits on the floor. Coils on the underside of the car engage the charger when the car is parked over them. The mats are plugged in while the car isn't. This could be a great step towards reducing the amount of petrol we use over time (as well as the amount of money spent on petrol and the amount of petrol that gets stolen), and automakers and suppliers expect to have the chargers ready for sale around 2015. That's still a wee way away, but then one also won't have to worry about whether the plug that came with their car will fit the socket at a charging point overseas.

All Thaied up and no place to go

Today is Bastille Day. But this is not the topic of today's post. Neither is the Tongan royal wedding a couple of days ago, when Crown Prince Tupouto'a 'Ulukalala married a cousin of his named Sinaitakala Fakafanua. But here's the ugly news of the day: a seriously ill New Zealander stuck in a Thai hospital has had a crushing setback. He has been kicked out for not paying enough of his medical bill. New Zealanders have now donated more than $8000 to get Sean Kenzie home after his motorbike accident, but that's not enough for hospital management who last night sent him packing. That's right, Sean Kenzie has now been shunted out of the private hospital he was in after his near-fatal crash – straight into what he calls a Government-owned hellhole. "There are rats running across the ground, geckos running up the walls,” he says. “It's not a hospital. It's a place you come to die." I think somebody should just fly him back to New Zealand to get treated because right now, he's in a room with 50 other people and they've got them stacked into the hallways and doorways. He's having to clean and look after his own wounds. That is just wrong and what Mr Kenzie needs right now is help from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. They could get him back home for some real medical care. In other news, the International Criminal Court is set to launch a formal preliminary examination into the New Zealand Government's antenatal Down syndrome screening programme.

Candyman, candyman, candyman!

That's right, today is Friday the 13th, and speaking of 13, a 13-year-old boy is in intensive care in Beijing after two immature bellends assaulted him by releasing compressed air into his body using a mechanical pump at an automobile repair shop. Chinese media reported that the boy, Du Chuanwang, who lives in Shandong Province on China's east coast, suffered from dozens of puncture wounds in his intestines and multiple organ failure. The boy helped out at the auto repair shop, where two co-workers allegedly inserted the nozzle of an air pump into his anus and filled his body with air. The suspects have been detained. Local police posted a message last week on Sina Weibo, China's microblogging site, saying that the two men pushed the boy to the ground during the attack, and that the incident was a prank. But still, this is just not on. Some pranks can land you in serious trouble, like in the fifth episode of Summer Heights High, when Jonah Takalua MMSed a picture of his buttocks to several teachers. He was lucky not to get expelled for that immature carry-on, and those two idiots would be similarly lucky to avoid jail time for their nonsense.

Obama, Obama, whatcha gonna do?

How is it that a state where cities are declaring bankruptcy with the regularity of a Yosemite geyser votes to approve roughly $10 billion in new bonds to build a high-speed rail line from one unimportant rural town to another? That is exactly the situation in California, where sandwiched between the bankruptcy filings of Stockton and San Bernardino was a state Senate vote to approve bond issuance for the first leg of what is conservatively estimated to be a US$68 billion bullet train. It will carry passengers from San Francisco to Los Angeles and back beginning in 2030, with the first leg between Merced and Bakersfield. This is quite an ambitious project, but it is ethically and morally unjustifiable at this stage. There are two bankrupt cities within the state and they could really use some of that money. The Mayans were right about 2012, and the green pig in all this may well be Obama. He has had nearly four years to straighten this mess out, but nothing has been done. And speaking of green pigs, Rovio Mobile's latest game, Amazing Alex, has finally launched for iOS and Android devices. The game sees you manipulating physics along with different objects in order to solve puzzles. There are around 100 levels and 35 objects that can be utilised in order to complete the game.

All the books are red

California is heading for a record almond harvest this fall. A combination of nearly perfect weather and millions of healthy, robust honeybees is expected to yield 2.1 billion pounds of nuts, the biggest crop in history. The harvest starts in late August in the southern San Joaquin Valley and continues through October in the Sacramento Valley. The U.S. Department of Agriculture pegs it as 5% above a May forecast and 3% above 2011's previous record of 2 billion pounds (over 900 million kg). But here's another issue brewing in the same state: San Bernardino’s City Council voted to become the third California city this year to file for bankruptcy, as it struggles with declining tax revenue, growing employee costs, and accounting discrepancies in its ledgers. The council voted 4 to 2, with one abstention, last night to authorize a filing under Chapter 9 of U.S. bankruptcy law. The city of 209,000, about 65 miles (105 kilometers) east of Los Angeles, is apparently so broke it can’t make its August 15 payroll. What's needed over the next five weeks is aggressive collection of back taxes, and if there's still a massive deficit by the time the almond harvest starts making money, maybe some of the profits could go to helping San Bernadino and others out of their financial quagmires. Also heading into the financial black hole is Portugal, whose international creditors may soon have to ease terms of the country’s bailout to prevent the plan from derailing as the government faces setbacks in attaining its deficit goals. Prime Minister Pedro Passos Coelho’s struggle to meet deficit pledges were further hampered last week when about 2 billion euros ($2.5 billion) of planned cuts to pensions and civil servants’ holiday pay were ruled unconstitutional. With Portugal’s 10-year bond yield above 10 percent, returning to the markets next year may be untenable, requiring more international aid despite the premier’s insistence he won’t seek concessions.

Start spreading the news, he's leaving today

Reggie Jackson has been banned indefinitely by the New York Yankees after he made disparaging comments about Alex Rodriguez published in last week's edition of Sports Illustrated. He told Sports Illustrated: "Al's a very good friend, but I think there are real questions about his numbers. As much as I like him, what he admitted about his usage does cloud some of his records." Jackson confirmed to USA TODAY Sports that, as a result, he has been asked to stay away from the team. Jackson, choosing his words carefully, said: "The Yankees think that the timing is not right for me to be around the team right now. When the Yankees feel that the timing is proper, I'll return." What one has to remember here is that an indefinite ban is NOT necessarily a life ban, and I hope Reggie can one day return to the Yankees, or at the very least find work on another team in the major leagues. But for now, he should be making the most of his free time. And speaking of time, Spain will be given some relief today from its austerity woes when its EU partners grant it extra time to meet its steep budget deficit targets which otherwise risk deepening its recession. But in return, prime minister Mariano Rajoy will commit to a fresh round of tax increases, likely to be announced this week, to shore up revenues and help tackle the country's structural or underlying deficit. And speaking of deficit, the Vatican has registered one of its worst budget deficits in years, plunging back into the red with a €15 million deficit in 2011 after a brief respite of profit.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Photoshop

Photoshop is just lame. All it does is take the authenticity out of photos. And that is why somewhere between school and her extracurricular activities, ballet dancer Julia Bluhm found time to launch a crusade against airbrushed images in one of the country's top teen magazines. And this week, she won: Seventeen magazine pledged not to digitally alter body sizes or face shapes of young women featured in its editorial pages, largely in response to the online petition Julia started earlier this year. After hearing too many fellow teens in her ballet class complain about their weight, the 14-year-old started her campaign in April with a petition on Change.org. It called for the magazine to print one unaltered photo spread each month. It's a start, but it could be better. It is possible to go an entire issue without resorting to that Photoshop crap.

They can't touch him... Can't touch him...

A deadline for WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange to be extradited to Sweden for questioning in sexual assault allegations came and went Saturday with no apparent movement. Assange is believed to still be inside the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, where he has been holed up since applying for political asylum on June 19. The South American country has said it is considering his application, and I hope he gets it because despite him being an Australian, I believe he has done good for the world. The sexual assault charges are only there to allow Sweden to hold him while a grand jury in the States builds their case to extradite him to be prosecuted for his work with WikiLeaks. Besides, the cops can't do anything because even though Assange is in violation of his bail by staying at the embassy, and that ignoring the notice to turn himself in is a further violation, they are unable to enter the embassy under diplomatic protocol. I hope Ecuador doesn't bowl him underarm by denying his application for asylum. In other news, a lifeguard fired for leaving his post so he could save a swimmer outside his coverage zone said on Thursday that he has been offered his job back, but he says he does not plan to return to work.

7/7 turns 7 today

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last seven years, 7/7 was a bombing that involved three underground trains and one bus in London. A similar attack was carried out on four different vehicles two weeks later. But let's get onto something more serious: An Argentinian court has found two former dictators guilty of stealing dozens of babies during the country's dirty war. Jorge Rafael Videla, who ruled as a dictator between 1976 to 1981, was sentenced to 50 years in prison. General Reynaldo Benito Bignone, who ruled the country from June 1982 until the nation's return to democracy in December 1983, was sentenced to 15 years in prison. They were the two most high-profile defendants found guilty on Thursday of systematically stealing babies from political prisoners and giving them new identities. It's about time those child-snatchers got their just deserts. Those dictators needed to be taught a lesson. For any citizen who lives in a country where actions like this do not remain unpunished with the passage of time, the guilty verdicts represent a guarantee that justice is done.

Bieber back in the beaver

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have reportedly broken up multiple times in the last few months. The pop stars most recently decided to end their relationship last week but have since rekindled and are giving their relationship another try. The two have been dating for around a year and a half and while Gomez has maintained her squeaky clean image, Bieber has been faced with some controversy recently. Recent reports claimed that Bieber may have to face jail if convicted on criminal charges for an altercation with a photographer. Also, he recently said he thinks he could take One Direction in a fight. I'd like to see that douche try to hold his own against the British five-piece band, who were recently told that Pineapple Lumps were Australian (which they're not). And speaking of One Direction, Niall Horan has been caught on camera swearing at a bunch of fans at Dublin Airport. The Irish singer, who arrived back home following the end of a US tour earlier this week, can be heard in the clip lightheartedly calling six girls a "shower of c***s". According to Digital Spy, the fans uploaded the footage onto YouTube, insisting that Niall did not mean to offend them with his explicit language and that instead, it was just aimed at them as banter. In other news, around 1000 Kiwis could be affected by an internet outage on Monday as a result of a long-running trojan virus, according to Internet New Zealand. The non-profit organisation is urging people to ensure their computers have not been infected by a virus called DNSChanger that has been active globally since 2007. It can reportedly infect both Mac and Windows computers, and it changes a computer's DNS settings to point to rogue servers, essentially redirecting legitimate web-surfing to malicious sites that attempt to acquire personal information and then generate illegitimate advertising revenue.

Lifeguard sacked for guarding life

Tomas Lopez says he never thought getting fired would make him so popular. But since his controversial firing on Monday, the 21-year-old former lifeguard from Florida said his phone has been ringing off the hook from journalists trying to get his side of the story. "The reason I was fired is just ridiculous," Lopez told CNN late last night. "It is a ridiculous rule, really. What was I supposed to do? Just let the guy drown?" I wouldn't have. His employer's reason? Orlando-based Jeff Ellis and Associates, the company Lopez worked for, says lifeguards cannot go beyond the perimeter of the beach they are responsible for overseeing. But that day, a beachgoer rushed to Lopez's lifeguard station to alert him to a man who was drowning. Even though Lopez knew the man was some 1,500 feet outside the company's protection zone in an area where signs warn visitors to swim at their own risk, he ran into the ocean toward the struggling man and pulled him ashore. Going beyond his protection zone in a possible life-or-death situation is not a reason to punish such a heroic act. Lifeguards are supposed to help people around water because that's their job. This particular lifeguard went above and beyond the call of duty to rescue a swimmer in need of his services, and I would've given him a raise for it instead of belly-aching about him venturing outside his perimeter. How any employer would fire an employee for doing their job is just stupid.

Cooper's out for summer, Cooper's out forever

That's right, Anderson Cooper's out of the closet. To sum it up, he's here, he's queer, get used to it. But we've got more serious issues to deal with:

• More than two years after releasing its game-changing tablet computer, Apple now actually owns the name "iPad." A Chinese court says the company has paid $60 million to Taiwanese firm Shenzhen Proview Technology for the rights, nailing down the name as its own in a country that is increasingly becoming a huge market for electronics. This is a well-deserved victory for Apple, even though they had to pay for it. Maybe they should buy the Android name from Google in a similar manner.
• Manchester United said yesterday that it plans to raise about $100 million in an initial public offering of its shares in the United States. Man United has a powerful brand (although not the Premier League title) but also a high level of debt, and they are raising that money to pay some of their debt off before next season. I hope they do, and I hope it doesn't turn into a PR disaster like Facebook's IPO earlier this year.
• Everyone's made a joke they thought was funny only to see it fall flat, but Park Jung-geun's attempt at humour could see him jailed for up to seven years in South Korea. Park, a photographer by profession, re-tweeted some messages from North Korea's official twitter feed, such as reports on the late leader Kim Jong Il's travels across the country and negative tweets about South Korea. He also took a photo of himself holding a whiskey bottle and edited in a North Korean flag as a background for a joke. His supporters then doctored a North Korean military poster, replacing a smiling soldier with a sad photo of Park and the image of the gun with another whiskey bottle. I don't believe that he's a North Korean spy, but this is one of the worst ideas for a joke (click here and scroll to about one minute into the video to see another bad idea for a joke in action) and he should at least be made to realise that there are consequences for this.

Expensive houseboat ahoy!

Julian Assange and Rupert Murdoch share symmetry in their nationality, notoriety, and love of publishing. And both are household names in their homeland. After the Levesen Inquiry into press standards in the UK, there seems little we don't know about the modus operandi of Murdoch's British news empire. Of Assange, Australians are still trying to put the pieces together. What they know of the silver-haired founder of WikiLeaks is that he is in a whole lot of trouble holed up in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, that a lot of high profile people support him, and that the Australian Government seems to be unenthusiastic at best about helping him. I'm surprised at this. The first people to settle in Australia, besides the Aboriginal people, were British convicts. And through the fog of legal proceedings to get Assange to face questioning in Sweden and his claims that this is a ruse to allow the Americans to extradite him for espionage, there is evidence that a lot of Australians believe that, as one of them, he has a right to expect his government to protect him from America, if not the questioning in Sweden.

But for those not using Ecuador to escape extradition, there is a completely decadent waste of money called the Orsos Island (pictured), which is the passion project of Hungarian-born Gabor Orsos, a former hotelier who wanted to combine the perks of a luxury hotel with the flexibility of a super-yacht. This super-expensive houseboat offers six ensuite double bedrooms spread over three floors and 1,000 square meters (nearly four tennis courts) worth of luxury living space. Although it doesn't come with an actual tennis court, those longing for some sub-aquatic snooker will be relieved to learn that there is a large games room in the island's "hull." The underwater karaoke suite, meanwhile, is ideal for those who's singing voice is best kept a safe distance from civilization. The island also comes complete with all the usual ocean-bound comforts of the mega-rich: a Jacuzzi, a barbecue, sun loungers, a minibar, a stately dining room, and an aquarium. The price of all this is about NZ$8 million and just because you can afford all this doesn't mean you'll ever need it.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Galaxy Nexus

But before I start on that abomination, congratulations are in order for Spain's second consecutive Euro victory. But onto the main story: Samsung Electronics asked a U.S. federal court over the weekend for a temporary stay on its preliminary injunction on the sale of the Galaxy Nexus smartphone in the U.S., pending the company's appeal. Judge Lucy H. Koh of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California, San Jose Division, granted a preliminary injunction against the Galaxy Nexus and any product that is no more than colorably different from the specified product and infringes U.S. Patent No. 8,086,604. But here's a good reason why they should ban Androids from the market: the iPhone is clearly the better product. Android devices are for those who have no life, for instance, Mitt Romney, who wants to completely stuff up Obamacare if elected President.

Ecuador has him now

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange faced a "difficult choice" in defying a British police order, one of his lawyers has said. Mr Assange was confronted with risks no matter which path he took and is gambling that Ecuador will look sympathetically at his request for political asylum, said Michael Ratner, a human rights lawyer who is on Mr Assange's legal defence team. The 40-year-old Australian refused to comply with a British police order to turn himself in for extradition to Sweden and instead walked into the Ecuadoran embassy in London on June 19, asking for asylum. Mr Assange faces questioning in Sweden over sexual assault allegations but he denies the allegations and insists it is part of a politically-motivated effort to get him extradited to the United States, where he fears he could be put on trial for espionage or other crimes. Confronted with the option of being transferred to a Swedish prison without the possibility of seeking political asylum, Mr Assange made an understandable decision. I too would've fled if I was in a similar predicament. Mr Assange's concerns that he could be prosecuted in a US court for serious crimes are well-founded, given details that have emerged about a grand jury investigation, public warnings from top US officials, and reported questioning of WikiLeaks associates. He is a whistle-blowing hero, and he should stay inside Ecuador's embassy on diplomatic territory lest the cops come after him.

That's another month chopped

And the Bellend of the Month for June 2012 is Ogad Singh. He is a marble miner from Dungarji, a village in the Indian state of Rajasthan. He was upset by his daughter having affairs with men, and became enraged when she eloped with one of them early this month. So one day, he forced her to return home, and beheaded her the following day with a sword and then paraded the severed head through the village. That is just wrong and he should himself be beheaded. That is not the way to deal with this sort of thing, especially with an adult. I would've shown more restraint like a sensible person.

Did you know that I received the Medal of Honor?

Not really. But in America, you can now make up bogus stories like that because yesterday, the Supreme Court, which I must say has been quite busy over the last few days, struck down a federal law making it a crime to lie about receiving the Medal of Honor and other prized military awards, with justices branding such claims contemptible but nonetheless protected by the First Amendment. While protected speech, lying about receiving such medals goes against the doctrines of several religions, and it is also an insult to the soldiers who did receive them. So it's just best not to do it.

An abortion of an abortion of abortion

Mississippi's latest attempt to close its sole abortion clinic has been challenged as unconstitutional in an 11th hour legal challenge filed in a federal court yesterday. The challenge, by the Center for Reproductive Rights (CRR), argues that the state law will threaten the health of women in Mississippi and deprive them of their constitutionally protected right to decide when and whether to have children. The law, which was passed in April and is due to come into effect on Sunday, requires doctors who perform the procedure to have admitting privileges at a local hospital in addition to being certified obstetricians and gynecologists. This would impose medically unjustified requirements on physicians, with the sole and unconstitutional purpose of causing fewer abortions, the CRR argues. I agree with the CRR. This is not really about safety. It is about politics, and the life of a woman is too important to play politics. Women in Mississippi who decide to have an abortion often have limited means, and they come from all parts of the state. Those women will have no option. In a medical emergency they will be hard pressed. It becomes dangerous. When women don't have access to abortion care, it creates desperate circumstances. They may have to accomplish their goals in ways that aren't safe. In other news, a lesbian mother who was ousted as a American boy scout leader because of her sexual orientation has slapped down 1980s action star Chuck Norris after he claimed gay people have no place in the scouting movement. Jennifer Tyrrell, the former leader of her son's boy scouts troop in Bridgeport, Ohio, accused Norris of being "out of touch" after he wrote a column that accused President Obama of encouraging attempts trying to impose a "pro-gay" stance on the Boy Scouts of America by stealth. Gays do deserve to be in the Scouts, but I'll just stay out of this one because Chuck Norris is so bad he makes onions cry. He can also win a game of Connect Four in just three moves. And lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Whoa! Double ruling! All the way!

The Supreme Court issued two smart rulings on Monday: one striking down most of Arizona's constitutionally reckless immigration law, and the other prohibiting automatic sentences of life without parole for juveniles convicted of murder.

Regarding immigration, the court struck down part of the state's controversial law, and while it allowed the centerpiece to stand, it made clear that even that provision may be further litigated. In a 5-3 ruling, the justices rejected Arizona's bid to make it a state crime for illegal immigrants to fail to carry government registration papers or to solicit work. It also struck down a portion of the law giving police an ability to arrest illegal immigrants without a warrant.

In the other ruling, decided in a 5-4 vote - closer than it should have been - the court decided that it is cruel and unusual to impose automatic sentences of life without parole on murderers who were under 18 when they committed their crimes. State and federal courts generally have gone too far in removing discretion from judges. The Supreme Court struck down laws in 29 states that prohibited judges from considering mitigating circumstances. Juveniles convicted of murder can still be sentenced to life without parole, as long as the judge, who are called judges because they are after all supposed to judge, considers whatever relevant issues there may be before imposing a sentence.

And in other news, a celebrity boxing promoter is hoping to capitalise on an alleged nightclub brawl between singer Chris Brown and rapper Drake by offering them a million dollars each to take their beef to the ring. The promoter also says he is asking Rihanna, who both men have dated, to be a ring girl at the bout, but acknowledged that the Barbadian songstress will likely pass (I wouldn't blame her, because Brown did beat up on her). And while Drake tweeted about his dry cleaning, and Brown about a helpful stewardess, neither made mention of the offer on their Twitter pages. Meanwhile, the NYPD continue their investigation into the bottle-throwing melee allegedly between Drake and Brown and their entourages that took place at the New York City club W.i.P on the 14th. But I hope nobody gets seriously hurt should they take this ugly incident to the ring.

They got swastika eyes

Beachgoers at the Jersey shore looked to the sky and found an unpleasant sight on Saturday afternoon - but it wasn't seagulls circling or dark storm clouds breaking the sun-soaked summer day. It was two swastikas - one inside a Star of David - flown on a plane-led banner above the beach like an ad for a bar's karaoke night or a restaurant's seafood special. "First I was like, ‘Did I just see what I thought I saw fly by?'? " said Kim Silverman, a Philadelphia woman who was enjoying the waves at Harvey Cedars on Long Beach Island around 3 p.m. when she looked up to see the symbol, long associated with the horrors of Nazi Germany, traveling across the blue sky. But the swastika, it turns out, wasn't meant to offend - although it did, as police and Don Pripstein, president of the Jewish Community Center of LBI, received several complaints about it. It was part of the third annual Swastika Rehabilitation Day, a worldwide event sponsored by the International Raelian Movement, a cult religious group that, according to its website, believes that a Creator reveals itself via UFOs. Swastika Rehabilitation Day aims to educate people about the true meaning of the swastika, but they should be careful where they display it because many Jews are offended by that symbol, which is sacred in some religions, and stood for luck at one point in time. Some people believe it's totally offensive, but I don't believe that because that's just like saying Christians can't use the cross anymore just because the KKK use it as a symbol of intimidation. Furthermore, Christians hijacked the Torah and reinterpreted it for the Church's own ends, and they used it to help justify all those violent acts throughout history. But the Jewish people never let Christianity change the Torah in the eyes of the Jews. Also, nobody ever stopped using the word "dictation" just because Jonah Takalua is into a rather immature play on said word.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: ACTA

MEPs on a key European parliamentary committee voted last week to reject the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement (ACTA) by 19 votes to 12. Many regard it as the deathblow for the controversial treaty because the trade committee formally recommends how to vote to the wider parliament. The European Parliament vote is due to take place next week. The treaty aims to tighten rules on both online and offline piracy but has attracted many critics. One of its harshest detractors has been UK MEP David Martin, the lead member of the committee. Speaking after the vote, he said: "This was not an anti-intellectual property vote. This group believes Europe does have to protect its intellectual property, but ACTA was too vague a document." He said that it left many questions unanswered, including the role of ISPs in policing the internet. He also said that many on the committee felt that the sanctions for breaches of copyright, which include possible imprisonment and fines, were disproportionate. In the end, the committee vote came down to a vote on intellectual property or civil liberties, and civil liberties won over like it should always do. Critics argue that the embattled treaty will stifle freedom of expression on the internet, and it has been likened to the controversial Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) that they tried in America. I hope the European Parliament vote no on this abomination.

Retina rules the roost

Apple has trumped the PC guys again. This time in a laptop category that HP or Dell should own. So, why does the world obsess about the newest MacBook Pro and not competing laptops from Hewlett-Packard or Dell? Let's just say that Apple has an innate sense about good design. And you can bet Microsoft has uttered this sentiment behind closed doors more than a few times - thus, the Microsoft-designed Surface tablet announcement this week. But let's focus on the Retina MacBook Pro for now. That's a design that any PC maker could have feasibly done. But Macs are way better because they can't get most PC viruses. Windows is just the worst operating system one could consider putting on their computer, and if I were to ever buy one of those Retina MacBook Pros, then I would leave the original system on it. I would only recommend the competition to a cheapskate who doesn't care about quality.

Happy 100th, Alan Turing

But enough about that. Hosni Mubarak, Egypt's 84-year old ousted dictator, has spent another night outside the prison cell where he's been sentenced to spend whatever remains of his life. A health scare that began as a stroke, according to state-controlled media, but ended up being attributed by his lawyer to a "slip in the bathroom", ensured that he was moved into the welcoming environs of a military hospital when that scumbag should be left to rot in jail where he belongs. Also in the news, former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky will likely spend the rest of his life in jail after a jury convicted him on 45 of 48 counts related to sexual abuse of boys, ending a painful chapter for victims and the entire university. It's about time that bellend was dealt with, but the ordeal is not over, as one of Sandusky's attorney announced plans to appeal despite the mountain of convictions against his client.

Monogamy shall yet rule the border

Authorities in a pair of polygamous Utah-Arizona border towns have supported a campaign of intimidation against the unfaithful, denying them housing and municipal services and allowing members of the dominant religious sect to destroy their crops and property, the U.S. Justice Department said in a lawsuit. The federal civil rights case was filed yesterday against the towns of Hildale, Utah and Colorado City, Arizona, where most residents are members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, run by the group's jailed leader Warren Jeffs, who is serving a life sentence in Texas after convictions on child sex and bigamy charges, but is said to still maintain control of the communities from behind bars. According to the lawsuit filed in federal court in Arizona, city leaders and law enforcement in the two towns have for decades served at Jeffs' pleasure while ignoring the constitutional rights of residents who aren't FLDS followers. It's high time the Justice Department got involved in this because police shouldn't be acting on orders to walk all over people just because they're a minority. Society had had enough of that crap by the time Rosa Parks chose not to move to the back of the bus. If it weren't for her, black people in the South would still be sitting at the back of the bus to this day.

Egypt is ready for another revolution

He held power over his country for more than 30 years, and his ouster last year was seen as a sign that the Arab Spring could bring unlikely revolutions to the Middle East. But if Hosni Mubarak were to die soon, as some close to him suggest could happen, it would probably have little impact on the country's future. Speaking the day after a state news agency called Mubarak "clinically dead," and the nation's military rulers said he was instead in critical condition, analysts in Cairo said his death would probably not trigger widespread outpourings of grief, nor ripple effects on how the new government is shaped. There could, however, be a new round of angry protests if he received a military funeral. But the only sure thing if he dies will be that he will not be able to rule again. And they better start counting the votes from the recent election and handing over the presidency, or there could be a second revolution.

From crushers with love

A youth whose car was set to become the first in New Zealand to be crushed under tough new boy racer legislation has had a short reprieve. Another car will instead make history in the Hutt Valley tomorrow when it is crushed at scrap metal yard as punishment for its owner breaching the "three strikes" law aimed at stopping boy racer behaviour on the roads. I think taking such a hard line on this nonsense is just what we need to stop this stupidity once and for all. Other countries should adopt this measure because those speed freaks shouldn't even be on our roads to begin with. But now we can nip our boy racer problem in the bud.

Happy 34th birthday, Garfield

That's right, Garfield (first strip pictured) turns 34 today. Meanwhile, Western governments, including the United States, appear to be stepping up efforts to censor Internet search results and YouTube videos, according to a transparency report released by Google. It's alarming not only because free expression is at risk, but because some of these requests come from countries you might not suspect - in other words, Western democracies not typically associated with censorship. For example, in the second half of last year, Spanish regulators asked Google to remove 270 search results that linked to blogs and articles in newspapers referencing individuals and public figures, including mayors and public prosecutors. In Poland, Google received a request from a public institution to remove links to a site that criticised it. But, Google stuck to their guns and didn't comply with either of those requests. If they did, then they would just be letting those government types win. Free expression is already under threat as it is. In other news, German sports apparel maker Adidas withdrew its plans to sell a controversial sneaker featuring affixed rubber shackles after the company generated significant criticism when advertising the shoe on it's Facebook page. The high-top sneakers, dubbed the JS Roundhouse Mids, were expected to release in August, according to the Adidas Originals Facebook page. "Got a sneaker game so hot you lock your kicks to your ankles?" a caption below a photo of the sneakers read. The June 14 post prompted plenty of criticism from around the web, with many of those commenting saying they felt the shackle invoked the painful image of slavery.