Elementary, my dear bellends

Usually, we have just one bellend to confer the dishonour of Bellend of the Month upon. We’ve had a posthumous award, one that was also the following day’s Weekly Gross-Out, and one that was awarded on the same day as a Weekly Gross-Out, but never more than one.

The co-Bellends of the Month for January 2012 are Kieran and Michele Mulroney. They are the people who wrote the screenplay for the new Sherlock Holmes movie that came out this month. I liked the movie, but either of those bellends could’ve been responsible for writing a scene set in a Romani (Romani is another name for gypsies) encampment somewhere in France. In that scene, which is the worst example of antiziganism since Romanian president Traian Basescu called a journalist a “stinking gypsy” on the same day he survived an impeachment vote, the Romani were depicted as liars and thieves. This is not on because these are very negative stereotypes. It’s just like saying that the Irish drink themselves to excess, or that black people eat fried chicken and do drugs, or that Asians are bad drivers, or that homosexuals are responsible for spreading HIV, or that Jews are greedy and covetous, or that all Muslims are terrorists. I realise Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was from a different time, but NewSouth Books was able to remove the N word and references to “Injuns” from Huckleberry Finn.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: "Honour" killings

A husband and wife originally from Afghanistan have been found guilty in Canada of murdering their three teenage daughters and the father's first wife in a case that the judge described as stemming from a twisted concept of honour. Afghan immigrants Mohammad Shafia and wife Tooba Yahya were convicted along with their eldest son, Hamed, and were sentenced to 25 years in jail without parole for the drownings. The court also heard testimony suggesting that the father had repeatedly clashed with his daughters on many issues, including dating, clothes, and use of the Internet. The daughters ranged in age from 13 to 19, and their bodies were found along with that of Shafia's childless first wife in the family car in a canal after a trip to Niagara Falls. The prosecution alleged that the victims were drowned elsewhere before their bodies were placed in the car and it was pushed into the canal. The concept of an honour killing is the homicide of a member of a family or social group by other members, due to the belief of the perpetrators that the victim has brought dishonour upon the family or community. However, in carrying out an honour killing, the perpetrators are actually killing their own honour. There is no honour in an honour killing, and nothing in the Koran permits or sanctions this rubbish. The first and most basic right that every Muslim is expected to follow is, in fact, the right to life. As written in the Koran (5:32), That if anyone slays a human being – unless it be [in punishment] for murder or for spreading corruption on earth – it shall be as though he had slain all mankind; whereas, if anyone saves a life, it shall be as though he had saved the lives of all mankind. In other news, officials in Kyrgyzstan say almost all prisoners have ended a hunger strike against jail conditions that saw 1,200 inmates across the former Soviet republic's penitentiary service sew their lips together in protest.

Fracks a lot

A different kind of F-word is stirring a linguistic and political debate as controversial as what it defines. To the surviving humans of the sci-fi TV series "Battlestar Galactica," it is used as a substitute for a vulgar curse word. The word is "fracking" — as in hydraulic fracturing, a technique long used by the oil and gas industry to free oil and gas from rock. It's not in the dictionary, the industry hates it, and President Barack Obama didn't use it in his State of the Union speech — even as he praised federal subsidies for it. The word sounds nasty, and environmental advocates have been able to use it to generate opposition — and revulsion — to what they say is a nasty process that threatens water supplies. I'm on the fence when it comes to fracking because on the one hand, it can threaten water supplies (along with the oil or gas causing pollution), but on the other hand, this can bring in more oil, which is actually quite a valuable source of money in these uncertain economic times. In other news, Man United are out of the FA Cup after Liverpool walloped them 2-1. But at least the Reds beat Man City earlier in the competition.

I'll drink to that, yeah yeah

There's nothing like drinking to a good cause, so why not let Philadelphia bars stay open until 3 a.m. to generate more tax revenue for city schools? That's the idea laid out by City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown on Thursday, a concept that immediately drew criticism. "I can't speak for everyone, but I think the reaction we're going to have is: Absolutely not in this community," said Matt Ruben, president of the board of the Northern Liberties Neighbors Association. I think this could be a great idea, and if it works, maybe more jurisdictions could let their bars stay open for longer. In fact, an illegal substance like pot could also make a great source of tax revenue if made legal. In other news, the Wall Street Journal, who last year exposed Amy Chua for the bad parent she is, is claiming that restaurants in Japan are serving the finest French food and espresso in the world, citing training that requires baristas to work for two years before serving espresso shots.

At least his house is made of money

An unemployed Irish artist has built a home from the shredded remains of around €1,400,000,000; a monument to the "madness" he says has been wrought on Ireland by the single currency, from a spectacular construction boom to a wrenching bust. Frank Buckley built the apartment in the lobby of a Dublin office building that has lain vacant since its completion four years ago at the peak of an ill-fated construction boom, using bricks of shredded euro notes he borrowed from Ireland's national mint. This is so amazing it would put a double rainbow to shame, especially when the house, whose walls and floor are covered in euro shreddings, is so warm you can sleep without a blanket. Pictures made from notes and coins decorate the walls, including one of a house, made from Irish 5 pence pieces. Even though Mr. Buckley isn't made of money, at least his house is, and if the euro fails as a currency, the notes won't fail as a great insulator. In other news, Karen Samford, a 72-year-old postal worker in Texas, has been suspended from her job after admitting she stole and kept literally truckloads of bulk mail over the last decade. Her boss reportedly became concerned with the excess mail in her office and asked if she had stashed any elsewhere, to which she admitted to renting entire storage units to hold the junk mail.

Smokes on a Plane

Passengers on a United flight operated by Continental Airlines made an unexpected stop in San Antonio last night. That came after a man on the flight apparently couldn't make it the whole way to California without a cigarette. The flight had to be diverted on Tuesday evening because of the unruly passenger who reportedly lit a cigarette in the cabin and refused to put it out, then fought with a flight attendant. There were few details on the man's identity, but KHOU TV of Houston says the FBI took him into custody before Flight 1287 resumed its journey to the airport in Ontario, California. It's a good thing the airline has such a heavy-handed shoulder to cry on, because smoking is just wrong. It's even worse on a plane because the other passengers inside the pressurised cabin will be bothered by the second-hand smoke. There is just no need for tobacco. It's the one crop that should never have been brought back to Europe, because that filthy habit is now a worldwide issue. Marijuana, although illegal, would be a way better substitute for tobacco.

Let them sell bras!

A social revolution began in Saudi Arabia this month, and it has little if anything to do with the Arab Spring: women are going to work in lingerie shops. The Ministry of Labor is enforcing a royal decree issued last summer ordering that sales personnel in shops selling garments and other goods, like cosmetics, that are only for women must be female. More than 28,000 women applied for the jobs, the ministry said. Anywhere else in the world, it would not be news that sales assistants in shops selling panties and bras were female. In Saudi Arabia, where women have always been excluded from the public work force, it is a critical breakthrough. This is not just about intimate garments; this is a milestone on the arduous path to employment equality for women in a country where they are systematically excluded from retail activity. It can be better, because if women are going to work in those shops, they would still need a man to drive them because they are prohibited from driving. This gross discrimination of women is slowly being eroded away, but there's still the issue of voting, running for public office, and driving to pick at.

It's a little too green in Bani Walid

Fighters loyal to Gaddafi took control of a town south-east of Tripoli yesterday, flying their green flags in defiance of Libya's fragile new government. The fightback by Gaddafi supporters defeated in the civil war, though unlikely to spread elsewhere, added to the problems besetting a government which in the past week has been reeling from one crisis to another. This has only happened because the new government doesn't have a law banning certain totalitarian symbols. Germany has a ban on swastikas used outside of an appropriate historical or religious context, and some countries in the former Eastern Bloc have laws banning not only the swastika but also symbols of their communist past. However, the National Transitional Council needs to ban the green flags that are a hallmark of Gaddafi's reign of terror. This new flare-up cannot be tolerated, but neither can the slow speed of reform.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Arsenal

And it's a good thing Man United beat those bellends 2-1 during this morning's clash at Emirates Stadium. Manchester City's last-gasp victory over Tottenham ramped up the pressure on the champions ahead of kick-off, but the Reds overcame Arsenal with goals from Antonio Valencia and Danny Welbeck. Arsenal scored courtesy of Robin van Persie. Six players received yellow cards.

What's a Chinatown without an arch?

Philadelphia's one has a gate. So does Boston's. Montreal's has four, and Ottawa’s is especially pretty. San Francisco’s is made of stone and has slithering dragons on its roof. But Manhattan’s Chinatown, one of the most famous in the country, does not have a gateway arch to welcome visitors despite years of planning. OK so suburban and satellite Chinatowns are often arch-free. But Manhattan's is indeed the only large, traditional Chinatown in the U.S. without a gateway. For the sometimes fading enclaves that have them, the colorful gates, known as paifang in Mandarin, are tourist attractions — the backdrop to countless vacation snapshots. Most span a roadway, with lions guarding the sidewalk. In New York, efforts to build an arch have been launched periodically for four decades. 2012 is the Year of the Dragon, so it’s a good year to get it started and hopefully get it done. I've been to the Chinatown in Melbourne and that had arches at each of the possible entrances.

Sometimes it only takes 80 cents

Paying your mortgage to the exact penny is important, particularly if you’re on a mortgage modification program and making trial mortgage payments. Tom Mudie, a Florida homeowner, found out the hard way when foreclosure proceedings were going to begin on his home when he was short 80 cents on his second trial mortgage payment due to a typo. Bank of America had approved him for a mortgage modification program and while making a payment by phone, he accidentally punched the number "0" instead of the number "8". So instead of paying the required $615.82, his payment was $615.02. When Mudie realised his mistake, he reached out to a customer service representative who advised him to send the bank a check for the 80 cents, which would apparently rectify the problem. Mudie immediately sent the check alongside his next payment, but the next month, the check for 80 cents was sent back along with his last payment and a letter from Bank of America stating: “Your loan is not eligible for the Fannie Mae modification program because you did not make all the required trial period plan payments by the end of the trial period.” A foreclosure of Mudie’s home was set to go ahead. This is just wrong. While the loan is actually owned by Fannie and being serviced by B of A, these small insignificant human errors can mean home or no home for desperate owners. Eventually, B of A resolved the problem and admitted it made an error, saying Tom is on the way to getting a permanent modification on his mortgage, but this should never have happened. As long as it was just an honest mistake which the borrower intended to fix, I wouldn't foreclose the poor man's house over 80 cents. This is just unethical and unnecessary.

Cyber-bully, prepare to be cyber-blocked!

Criminals who commit offences online and cyber bullies will be banned from the internet as part of the British Government’s new cyber security strategy, which was announced today. It calls for police and courts to make more use of existing “cyber sanctions” to restrict access to the social networks and instant messaging services in cases of hacking, fraud, and online bullying. Sex offenders and those convicted of harrassment or anti-social behaviour also face more internet restrictions under the new strategy. Officials are also looking into whether "cyber tag" technology could be used to monitor offenders and report to authorities if they breach their bail or sentence conditions by using the internet. While not really doing anything to improve this blog's readership, that plan should be put in place in other countries so that the Internet can be a safer place for all.

Best. Terror alerts. Ever.

I found a site that has Sesame Street and Aqua Teen Hunger Force themed “terror alert” indicators. I like what they’ve done with them but maybe they should put up a Peppa Pig one.

Stop online piracy? More like stop freedom!

Wikipedia went dark, Google blotted out its logo, and other popular websites planned protests today to voice concern over legislation in the US Congress (pictured) intended to crack down on online piracy. Wikipedia shut down the English version of its online encyclopedia for 24 hours to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) introduced in the House of Representatives and the Senate version, the Protect IP Act (PIPA). The founders of Google, Twitter, Wikipedia, Yahoo!, and other internet giants said in an open letter last month the legislation would give the US government censorship powers similar to those used by China, Malaysia, and Iran. This is worrying because SOPA and PIPA are badly drafted legislation that won't be effective in their main goal (to stop copyright infringement), and will cause serious damage to the free and open Internet. They put the burden on website owners to police user-contributed material and call for the unnecessary blocking of entire sites. Small sites won't have sufficient resources to defend themselves. Big media companies may seek to cut off funding sources for their foreign competitors, even if copyright isn't being infringed. Foreign sites will be blacklisted, which means they won't show up in major search engines. And, SOPA and PIPA build a framework for future restrictions and suppression. I hope Obama vetoes this rubbish before it causes any real damage.

Poor Nemo can't stand the CO2

Carbon dioxide in the ocean acts like alcohol on fish, leaving them less able to judge risks and prone to losing their senses. The intoxication adds to the threats that global warming and ocean acidification pose to marine ecosystems (not to mention making the fish taste like industrial sludge). Philip Munday and colleagues at James Cook University in Townsville, Queensland, Australia, have previously found that if you put reef fish into water with more CO2 than normal in it – similar to the levels expected in oceans by the end of the century – they become bolder and attracted to odours they would normally avoid, including those of predators and unfavourable habitats. Munday and his colleague Goran Nilsson at the University of Oslo, Norway, have now discovered that CO2 leads to riskier behaviour by interfering with a neurotransmitter receptor called GABA-A. The pair reared clownfish (Amphiprion percula) larvae in seawater with normal (450 microatmospheres) and elevated (900 microatmospheres) CO2 levels. When they reached adulthood, the fish were given a choice between a water stream containing the odour of common predators such as the rock cod (Cephalopholis cyanostigma) or a stream lacking predatory odours. Those reared in high levels of CO2 swam towards rock cod's scent around 90 per cent of the time, whereas those that had enjoyed normal levels of CO2 avoided the predator's scent more than 90 per cent of the time. This is why we need to stop polluting our waterways. If this continues, then that could be it for all species of fish.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: T30

Chinese construction workers have once again awed the world, this time by erecting a 30-story hotel in 360 hours in Hunan Province. The building is the latest achievement of Broad Sustainable Building (BSB), a Chinese construction company renowned for its eye-opening efficiency. Ground was broken on the hotel on December 2, 2011, in the Lin Gang Industrial Zone in Xiangyin County near the provincial capital Changsha. The building was completed in 15 days. Named T30, the 17,000-square-meter hotel is due to open on January 18, and is expected to be a five-star establishment. The hotel will feature 316 standard rooms, 32 suites, eight ambassador suites, and two presidential suites. Other facilities include a restaurant, bar, gym, and swimming pool on the top floor, underground parking space for 73 vehicles, and even a helicopter pad. The entire hotel cost a total of US$17 million to build. It’s looking to be one impressive hotel, but the main concern here is how BSB obtained the land. If precedent was followed, then that means the land that T30 rests on was expropriated by the Communist Party in a Mugabe-style land grab which, while legal, is morally wrong. The previous owners may have had homes that had been in their family since the Qing Dynasty or maybe earlier. If this continues, the people of China will soon have nowhere to go.

It's Wikipedia Day and MLK Day again today

Martin Luther King once said "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." This is the principle by which each night's posts are written here. And one team worthy of a good mention under this principle is Manchester United, who beat Bolton 3-0 this morning at Old Trafford. Paul Scholes, Danny Welbeck, and Michael Carrick scored the goals, and nobody received any yellow or red cards.

Back in Pad

Apple Inc's next iPad, expected to go on sale in March, will sport a high-definition screen, run a faster processor, and work with next-generation wireless networks, according to three people familiar with the product. The company's manufacturing partners in Asia started ramping up production of the iPad 3 this month and plan to reach full volumes by February. Chief Executive Officer Tim Cook is counting on the new model to ward off mounting competition in a market that Apple pioneered two years ago. After its debut in 2010, the iPad emerged as the company's second-biggest source of revenue (after the iPhone) and inspired cheap ripoffs from Amazon and Samsung. Apple has sold more than 40 million iPads, generating at least $25.3 billion in sales. But if they are to succeed, they need to have lawyers on standby in case they need to sue Samsung or anyone else. In other news, NHS-run hospitals in the UK have resorted to asking zoos and vets to scan patients who are too obese for hospital scanners.

Don't whizz on the Afghani corpse

Pentagon officials said yesterday they believed a video showing four Marines urinating on the corpses of Afghans was authentic, and Defense Secretary Leon E. Panetta promised to investigate the incident, calling it "utterly deplorable." As outrage over the explicit video spread, the NATO-led coalition in Afghanistan said the behavior was confined to "a small group of U.S. individuals" who committed a blatant violation of military standards. Those found responsible will be "held accountable to the fullest extent," Panetta said in a statement. This is not something we want from a soldier, especially from a Marine. The behavior depicted in the video is wholly inconsistent with the high standards of conduct and warrior ethos that the United States Marine Corps have demonstrated throughout their history. This will be going on their service records, and they risk one or more of prison time, dishonorable discharge, and the death penalty (which is highly unlikely), simply because they urinated on enemy corpses. In other news, Natalee Holloway's father has had his request granted: an Alabama probate judge has signed paperwork formerly declaring that his daughter is dead. The high school senior from Mountain Brook, Alabama, was visiting the picturesque Carribean island of Aruba in 2005 as part of a school trip to celebrate high school graduation. She was never heard from again.

Don't just grin and beer it

A Queenstown woman is fizzing after being refused entry to a home brew competition because it is a blokes-only event. The home brewer, appropriately named Rachel Beer, tried entering her home brew - called Beer's Beer - in Saturday's Lake Hayes A&P Show but was told by the chief steward she could enter but it wouldn't be judged. Ms Beer told the Mountain Scene newspaper there was therefore no point in entering the competition. "It'd be great if the rules could be changed to meet modern times." I couldn't agree more. This should've been taken up with the Human Rights Commission. The "blokes only" rule is sexist and discriminatory, especially coming from a country that was the first to give women the vote, and at one point in time, had women holding all of the top posts. I don't have any beers entered in that male chauvinist pig-run competition but if I did have any, I would withdraw them in protest. And speaking of pigs, a Liverpool university expert has defended popular children’s TV character Peppa Pig, saying there is more good behaviour in the shows than bad.

Much ado about numbers

Football married numerology when Tim Tebow threw for 316 yards in the Denver Broncos’ win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday night. John 3:16, of course, is one of Tebow's favorite Bible verses. John 3:16, also a favorite of Billy Graham and other evangelists, is often called the “capsule gospel.” It has Jesus saying: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” It’s one of the verses Tebow wrote on his eyeblack during his days at the University of Florida. Icing on the cake: He also set an NFL playoff record with 31.6 yards per completion. This is all a coincidence and I know that because there is no God. Or at the very least, there is no proof, and besides, even if a god or gods did create the universe, God can't have just poofed himself/herself/themselves into existence from out of nowhere. In other news, North Korea said yesterday it will issue special pardons for convicts, a rare move that appeared to be aimed at boosting the popularity of young new leader Kim Jong Un as he attempts to fill his late father's shoes.

Peppa is a bit too spicy for some

With her cheeky smile - and even cheekier attitude - she has become a hit with children. But it seems a growing number of parents are turning against TV character Peppa Pig, claiming she is a ‘bad influence’. Many complain their sons and daughters have started to copy the ‘naughty’ behaviour of the cartoon pig and her younger brother, George, by answering back to their parents. Some have even banned the programme because they claim it has made their children misbehave. One father spoke of his despair at how his four-year-old son had taken to splashing in what he gleefully called ‘muddy puddles’ on his way to school – copying Peppa’s favourite pastime. Others reported that their children had started shouting ‘chocolate cake’ whenever they were asked what they would like for breakfast – just like George Pig. ‘The more I see, the more alarmed I am at the choice of behaviour put into this “cartoon”,’ one mother wrote on parenting website Mumsnet. But I'm on the fence with this. Despite being a childless 23-year-old male, I quite like that show. I even have three apps featuring Peppa Pig on my iPhone, and the wallpaper on my iPhone is a picture of Peppa Pig. I've even downloaded a torrent from The Pirate Bay containing the first 156 episodes. I for one know that the events depicted are not real.

In other news, childminders and nurseries in the UK face being penalised by Ofsted in future if they cannot prove that youngsters in their care feel loved. Staff will have to demonstrate they are forming appropriate bonds and emotional attachments with babies and toddlers to help make them feel secure.

Also, a young mother was killed by an express train after jumping on to the tracks to retrieve her mobile phone. Charlene Pickering, 23, was arguing with boyfriend Daniel Pickett when she dropped the handset. It bounced several times on the platform before falling on to the tracks. Mr Pickett begged her to get back on to the platform, but his pleas came too late as she was hit by a train travelling at 60mph (96 km/h). She shouldn't have been on the tracks at the time, but I would've done the same thing in that situation.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Minimum repayments that won't cover the interest

Incredibly, this isn't an exaggeration. There are Americans in this situation right now where each payment to their credit card company leaves them owing more. This is perfectly legal in the States, and only in the last few years has their government moved to stop banks from putting people in this cycle of infinite repayment (where the interest and fees are more than the monthly payments).

How was this ever legal? Well, in the late 70s, the US Supreme Court ended the federal predatory lending laws, and the credit card economy was born. Banks issued cards to anyone and everyone, often charging 24.99% interest (or higher, cash advances often collect 29.99%) and adding on an assortment of fees hidden in the fine print. This appears to be a good deal for the card holder, as the monthly payment is very low. Specifically, it was often 2% of the balance, an amount that would either have the card holder paying back their debt many times over or, in the worst cases, never paying it back at all (especially once unexpected fees were thrown in).

But we don't get this sort of rubbish here in New Zealand. The minimum monthly repayment on my credit card is 2% of the balance or NZ$25 (whichever is greater) and my credit limit of $3000 means that the minimum repayment is a maximum of $60. The interest on my card is 13.75% which means that the interest on $3000 is $412.50 per year ($472.50 if you include the $5 monthly account fee). That comes out to $34.38 per month ($39.38 if you include the $5 monthly account fee), which is less than $60. That's because predatory lending isn't allowed. But there is one thing you can do if you're not lucky enough to live in a country where your credit card provider can't screw you over like that: you can always hit them where it hurts by paying more than the minimum repayment.

These dogs had their day too soon

Residents of Blockhouse Bay in Auckland, convinced a serial killer is poisoning dogs, have begun a forensic investigation to catch the culprit. Ruby, a pretty blonde, was the killer's latest victim. She died a slow, painful death at home last month after apparently being poisoned. Ruby was a 6-year-old golden retriever. She was quiet, well-behaved, and quickly learned tricks. Her owner, Daniel Breslin (a retired mechanical engineer who is NOT related to Abigail Breslin), has put up $10,000 for information leading to a prosecution of the poisoner, who is believed to have been laying slug pellet-laced sausages and meat for at least six years. Half a dozen dogs have died at the hands of that sick bellend, and several others fell ill. No pet owner should have to put up with this rubbish towards their pets or anyone else's. This needs to stop. In other news, a ban on luxury spas at hotels and massage parlours in the Maldives was lifted on Wednesday (local time) under pressure from the country's key tourism industry a week after it was imposed as part of an effort to curb perceived vice. President Nasheed ordered the ban in response to calls by the main opposition party which claimed the spas and parlours were fronts for prostitution and led to the spread of drugs and alcohol to locals in the mainly Sunni Muslim nation of more than 1,200 atolls home to a population of 400,000.

Canterbury shall yet keep up the crusade

Christchurch Mayor Bob Parker has hit out at suggestions that rebuilding earthquake-hit Christchurch should be abandoned in favour of a super-sized Dunedin. In an opinion piece in the Otago Daily Times yesterday, Dunedin City councillor Lee Vandervis said it was insane to rebuild Christchurch on the same "bedevilled dirt", and resources should be used to transform Dunedin into a new South Island hub. There are a lot more things Dunedin could do with, for instance, more international flights from Dunedin Airport, more cinemas (maybe one in South Dunedin because the three we have are all a very short walk from each other), a bigger Highlanders fanbase, a KFC in the CBD area, a Nando's (I had that in Auckland and the chicken there was superb), and maybe a mall made of shipping containers. But Christchurch are deciding to rebuild anyway, so the earthquakes shouldn't be seen as an end but rather a new beginning. Christchurch will emerge even stronger, no matter what anybody says.

Here's a devil worthy of post #666

Prosecutors have called for Hosni Mubarak to be hanged, saying he bears full responsibility for the killing of protesters during the uprising against him, in a courtroom moment unthinkable only a year ago when Egypt's longtime leader held unquestioned power. The demand for the death penalty at the 83-year-old former president's trial played to the widespread resentment of Mubarak among Egyptians who hoped that punishment for his oppressive rule would be fruit of the Arab Spring. I think they should make an example of that scumbag. That horrid waste of a life should not continue to live while the people his goons killed in the uprising continue to rot six feet under the earth. The ancient Pharaohs were better leaders for a country that is known for its touristic appeal.

They keep on falling...

Manchester United's miserable turn of the annum continued into 2012 itself as Newcastle United emulated Blackburn Rovers on New Year's Eve by putting three goals past the champions to inflict a damaging defeat.

Despite the return of Rio Ferdinand, Ryan Giggs, and Wayne Rooney, the Reds were second best this morning at the Sports Direct Arena where the Magpies scored in each half with exquisite strikes from Demba Ba and Yohan Cabaye. The third and final nail wasn't quite in the same class - Phil Jones scored an own goal, taking the score to 3-0 (that's right, own goals don't help one to advance - this isn't Barbados v Grenada 1994). Three players were booked.

Fatal fungus forces funeral

Two people who accidentally ate poisonous mushrooms in Canberra have died in a Sydney hospital. The 52-year-old woman and 38-year-old man were friends who mistook the death cap mushrooms for an edible variety at a New Year's Eve party. They've since died at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital. The mushrooms tend to grow around Canberra and in southern New South Wales and are most often found at the bottom of oak trees. Death cap mushrooms are filled with amatoxin, which can attack enzymes involved in producing DNA. The poison can also trigger liver failure. Whoever picked or sold the mushrooms obviously did a rather stupid thing in not fulfilling their duty of care. This should never have happened, even to an Australian. I hope they find the bellend responsible.

Let's turn our baccos on tobacco

New Year's resolutions to quit smoking and tobacco price hikes kept Quitline busy on Sunday. 70 people registered to kick the habit in the first 90 minutes after the service's phonelines opened at 10am, and by 3pm more than 100 had registered. January is always a busy month because of New Year's resolutions and the tobacco tax increase has given people the extra push. The reasons people are giving are the same as usual: health, family, and because they are generally sick of it. New Year is a time for change and in time, the tobacco industry will be severely crippled due to the greater numbers of people turning away from that filthy habit. In fact, tobacco is one of the few plants that should be made extinct.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Comments about Chilean miners

Yesterday, I saw the movie We Bought A Zoo. Overall, it was likeable, but in one scene, Matt Damon's character made a comment about Chilean miners. In that particular scene, that character couldn't find his daughter among a sea of stuffed animals and remarked that she was like a Chilean miner. It is still too soon for such insensitive remarks. All 33 miners escaped unharmed but the ten weeks the poor miners spent trapped in the mine was too long, and nobody should be making light of this.

Reds get burnt on home ground

Manchester United made it an unhappy 70th birthday for manager Sir Alex Ferguson this morning (NZ time) by slipping to a shock 3-2 defeat to Blackburn Rovers at Old Trafford. After conceding two goals to Yakubu either side of half-time - the first one a penalty - the Reds battled back magnificently to draw level courtesy of a double by Dimitar Berbatov. However, Grant Hanley scrambled a late winner for Rovers against the run of play to ensure the champions finished 2011 on a low note, missing out on the chance to go to the top of the table. Each team received two yellow cards apiece.