This was what the year really was about

Burnley burnt by resurgent Reds outfit

Cars and ships to mix around

United seeing off United in style

Black whisky, Japanese style

And that’s how you make the world’s most expensive coffee - it is literally the shit

The real reason for the season

Flick not the balls of cat!

That’s another three points gone begging

A face on any other head

This plane runs on acid

Frosty in the Southern Hemisphere be like

Just give the encyclopaedia some coin

42 amendments in a term? Challenge accepted!

The Memory Tree

Lindelof error costs the Reds two points

Ho Ho No Way Jose!

Revenge of the Lego

Behave or it will be mixed up again

A boss fight to remember

Crikey! Bayer’s at it again!

Austria was about to become the first country in Europe to ban toxic glyphosate. That was before Bayer got its claws into the interim Austrian chancellor. With just three weeks before the ban was to come into effect, the chancellor is suddenly trying to block it on a technicality. Bayer, and the multi-billion dollar pesticide lobby, is likely behind this change of heart -- and now we have just three weeks to change the chancellor’s mind. Luckily, there’s a paper in Austria that every politician is afraid of looking bad in: the massively influential Kronen Zeitung.With your help, SumOfUs can get a front-page ad that every single politician in the country will see, exposing the chancellor for giving into the pesticide lobby -- instead of protecting her people’s health. But we have to act now or this historic ban could die.Will you protect this ban? Donating just takes a moment -- use Paypal or your card. Click here to protect Austria’s historic glyphosate ban.

Three weeks ago, everyone in Austria felt sure that the glyphosate ban would happen. It would be a worldwide boost to other countries trying to ban glyphosate. This week’s announcement is a shock to millions of people who were counting on the chancellor Brigitte Bierlein to do the right thing. With your help, we’ll make it clear how wildly unpopular axing the the glyphosate ban would be. Over two million people read the Kronen Zeitung every day. A front-page spotlight on how she’s going to continue to allow toxic glyphosate to be sprayed in Austria will force her to pay attention to her people’s demands -- not Bayer’s crafty lies.

The truth has finally been spoken

First rule of cadet training: DON’T BE A SMART ASS!

Reds take back the City

Cats Without Shots: Samoan Edition

Beyond Beef

Three points spurred on by the Rash

Priests’ Night Out

Nativity on fleek

Drawn again

And so the madness has spread

At the end of each month, we induct something or someone into the Sick Phoque Club. November 2019’s induction is Black Friday. It starts right after the American Thanksgiving holiday and it’s the traditional beginning of the Christmas shopping season, and it has become notorious for shoppers fighting over the huge discounts. The ritual has begun to spread to New Zealand, where I have seen several retailers here getting in on the action (but fortunately none of the fighting) including a gun shop. That’s right, I saw a gun shop in Christchurch advertising Black Friday discounts. The gun shop in question was one called Gun City, which opened a second Christchurch location at the roundabout on the corner of Blenheim Road and Main South Road a few months ago. This is not the sort of thing that should be peddled so soon after a terrorist shooting. Having all those discounts on firearms in the name of “but everyone else is doing it” is totally disrespectful to the memory of those who died on March 15. And Black Friday in general is no better. It’s just another excuse for humanity to spend and consume itself to the brink of extinction. Christmas is already a time when capitalist and socialist causes alike are out to squeeze every last cent out of you.

Free stuff for all

How people in the ghetto foil the paparazzi

But that whale tail

 

Charging with Rune Power

Late hit by McBurnie snatches victory away

Happens every single time

How the Muggles foil the paparazzi

Rainbow steps

Kitten computer

Rude Britannia

#TDoR2019

You’re gonna need a bigger pot

OK boomer

MELISSA DISSECTS: MoneyMamma101’s Consequences Chart

These are two versions of a chart of house rules and the consequences for breaking them. These are just examples but they can be re-tailored to suit your family, for instance you might find the “911” consequence in the red section a bit harsh and in need of replacing with something like a week’s grounding or something else that doesn’t involve calling the police, let alone on a number that should only be used in an emergency and would likely have to be changed out if you’re not based in the North American Numbering Plan area (which consists of the USA, Canada, the Dominican Republic, Sint Maarten, and the former British West Indies). There are a few other things that need to be said about this:

1. “Be kind and respectful” in the orange section is pretty much redundant, as a lot of the behaviour this entails is already covered elsewhere on the chart. That being said, the higher penalty (grounded for 24 hours) would be suited to multiple violations in the space of a day or a few days.
2. In the top chart, the metric given for which TV programming is and isn’t allowed is “like Adult Swim”. That’s not necessarily an ideal way of putting it. For every Rick and Morty or Aqua Teen Hunger Force or any similar show its competitors are putting out for that demographic, there will inevitably be worse out there like hardcore pornography, which doesn’t have quite the same appeal as programming typical of Adult Swim. Watching pornography would more likely be dealt with as “misuse of equipment”, also in the orange section.
3. The bottom chart has a rule that the bedroom door is to stay open. Unless you suspect that something really untoward (jacking off doesn’t count but drug use or cutting most definitely does) is taking place in there, WHY THE ACTUAL SHOULD IT?
4. The green section could be trimmed a bit. There is a line for “do not be mean with your words” and lines for each of “no talking back”, “no cursing”, and “no yelling or screaming”, all of which could in a broader sense of the term be considered being mean with your words. I would change this to “do not be mean with your words (this includes swearing, talking back, name-calling, and yelling and screaming)”.
5. The red section in the top chart has a provision that no hacking or coding is to take place without authorisation which is to be obtained separately for each instance. Case-by-case authorisation is understandable as no two instances of computer programming are the same - fixing that one omitted semicolon is not the same as writing a virus which could take down the entire Internet. But would the Command Prompt application (known as Terminal in macOS and Linux) count? And where would the line between "misuse" and "hacking" be drawn?
6. I would include an extra chore for obtaining a certain number of time-outs in one day (absolute maximum of _ time-outs per day - extra chore to be done immediately following _ and subsequent time outs) and an early bedtime or loss of privilege if all the penalty chores that day are used up (do not exhaust the extra chore bucket - straight to bed after next blue offence).

Doin’ it for the deer bones

The 80s called, they want their mullets back

The cloud looks like Iceland

Way to burn that rubber

Pröpper’s mistake props up Reds

All the more reason to skip school