Since June of 2011, visitors to this page have come from:

free counters

Followers

28 February 2017

Fudge the food police

The co-Bellends of the Month for February 2017 are the retarded food police who lurk among the staff of kindergartens in South Australia, who have been putting notes along the lines of
 
and
 
in children's lunchboxes. I get that there is an obesity epidemic. I get that teaching younger kids about nutrition is a good thing. But what bugs me is that home made lunch boxes get scrutinised much more closely than tuck shop lunches. Most parents that put in homemade baked goods have made those items a lot healthier than the prepackaged stuff. And what of the teachers' own bad habits like the between-class cigarette? So here's my advice for them - bugger off and stop shaming the parents. This is the sort of crap that can lead kids to eating disorders. And besides, it's not like either kid didn't have other, healthier stuff to munch on if they didn't want the red/sometimes food just yet.

27 February 2017

Oscars so full of errors

It was like M. Night Shyamalan directing the Oscars. Two minutes after Hollywood musical La La Land was named best picture at Sunday's 89th Academy Awards, there was a twist ending: presenters Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty somehow got Emma Stone's best actress card instead of the right one, and it was in fact the arthouse darling Moonlight that won the night's big prize. "There was a time when I thought this movie was impossible because I couldn't bring it to fruition," Moonlight director Barry Jenkins said when accepting the best picture Oscar. "I couldn't bring myself to tell another story, so everybody behind me on this stage said, 'No, that is not acceptable.'" In the ceremony hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, Moonlight picked up three awards total — including adapted screenplay and supporting actor for Mahershala Ali — but La La Land's tally wasn't too shabby: six Oscars, including best director for Damien Chazelle — the youngest person to ever win the honor — and best actress for Emma Stone. Fences star Viola Davis and Casey Affleck of Manchester by the Sea also picked up their first Oscar wins, for supporting actress and best actor respectively.

24 February 2017

Explosions of ATM for make benefit glorious thieves in Kazakhstan

Inept thieves who tried to break open a cash machine using welding torches only succeeded in setting fire to the money. The failed attempt to rob the ATM took place in the southern Kazakhstan region of Almaty. Pictures of the aftermath of the criminals' doomed attempt at theft show bundles of scorched 5,000-tenge notes that have been rendered unusable. 5,000 tenge is worth about NZ$22, so the thieves stood to get away with a substantial haul if their scheme had been successful, in a country where the average monthly wage is 173,685 KZT (NZ$763). Just think about it: all the money in that ATM could have been used for something like maybe a bit of sexy time with a prostitute. Is nice!

23 February 2017

Seven earths for seven billion

Here's some hope for those who want to be as far away from Drumpf as possible: a huddle of seven worlds, all close in size to Earth, and perhaps warm enough for water and the life it can sustain, has been spotted around a small, faint star in the constellation of Aquarius. But it's not going to be all that easy: the spaceship in the movie Passengers took 120 years to get to its destination, so I'd anticipate a just as long, if not longer, voyage in real life. Even if they were to travel at light speed, the nearest star to ours is at least 4 light years away, and none of the planets in question are anywhere near that star.

22 February 2017

Horsing around kills horse

A Christchurch woman is seeking justice after she claims a group of drunk people terrorised her horses, leading ultimately to one's death. Karina Romeyn says the police were called to her paddock on Lake Terrace Road, in Burwood after noticing her horses had sustained cuts and knocks to their bodies. "Two drunken men had gotten into our paddocks and decided for fun to (terrorise) and chase our three horses, Gus, Charlie, and Steve," Ms Romeyn wrote on Facebook. There were also DB Export bottles scattered in the paddock, she wrote. "These guys had been drinking and having a very cruel joke at the expense of Gus's life." Police had to euthanise Gus using a gun because of his injuries. Ms Romeyn is hoping to find someone who had seen these people nearby. "We have no idea how long they did this for and what they used to injure, hurt, and scare the horses. "The horses were clearly terrified to have been running throughout the paddocks at such speed. There is clear evidence of this. Help me and all those that loved Gus find these monsters. Please don't allow this happen again to another horse." Seriously, that is just not on. And why were they drinking Export instead of a cool beer like Asahi?

20 February 2017

Extradition Dotcom

A New Zealand judge has upheld an earlier court ruling that flamboyant internet entrepreneur Kim Dotcom and three of his colleagues can be extradited to the U.S. to face criminal charges. The decision comes five years after U.S. authorities shut down Dotcom's file-sharing website Megaupload and filed charges of conspiracy, racketeering, and money laundering against the men. If found guilty, they could face decades in prison. Dotcom, who lives in New Zealand, has been fighting extradition in a case which has moved with glacial slowness at times. And Monday's decision won't be the last, with the case likely to be appealed up to New Zealand's Supreme Court, a process that could take another year or two. But here's how I see it: Kim Dotcom is a hero. Although I never used his site, it is an important chapter in the history of all that is fair and just, especially when it comes to getting a free copy of the latest movie or TV episode.

19 February 2017

To FM or not to FM? That is the question...

Nearly all smartphones sold today in the US, including the iPhone, have an FM chip inside their LTE modems. However, carriers and phone makers keep it switched off, probably for business reasons. Ajit Pai, who was appointed to chair US comms watchdog the FCC in January, would like to see more phones have those FM receivers activated. "You could make a case for activating chips on public safety grounds alone," he said in remarks at the North American Association's Future of Radio and Audio Symposium this week. Although he wants carriers and handset makers to switch on FM, he said he isn't keen on forcing the industry to enable FM and would leave it to the market to decide. Pai highlighted that only 44 percent of smartphones have the FM chip activated in the US and fewer in Canada, compared with 80 percent in Mexico. "So it's not just that the US and Canada could be doing better. We could be doing a lot better," he said. If Apple activated the FM radio on the iPhone, it would be likely to boost FM activations dramatically overall. As reported by MacRumors, the study Pai cited found that 94 percent of the phones that don't have FM activated are iPhones. "It seems odd that every day we hear about a new smartphone app that lets you do something innovative, yet these modern-day mobile miracles don't enable a key function offered by a 1982 Sony Walkman," Pai said. He pointed to several benefits. For example, using FM radio would use far less battery life and less data, while allowing people to receive emergency alerts when a wireless network is overloaded. I can think of one more: listening to music. However, today's music is crap as.

12 February 2017

Watford can't has victory

Manchester United maintained the pressure on the clubs occupying the top four places after a comfortable 2-0 win over Watford at Old Trafford stretched the club's unbeaten run in the Premier League to 16 games. A first-half goal from Juan Mata and a second on the hour mark from Anthony Martial was enough to secure the win over Walter Mazzarri's men. The result meant United became the first team to amass 2,000 all-time Premier League points, and more importantly stayed in the hunt for Champions League qualification. United boss Jose Mourinho made two changes to the side that comfortably defeated champions Leicester City last Sunday as Daley Blind came in for Marcus Rojo at left-back and Martial replaced Marcus Rashford who was named among the substitutes. In the first home match after Monday's 59th anniversary of the Munich Air Disaster, the United fans unveiled a giant surfer flag bearing the words 'We'll never die' in remembrance while the players donned the traditional black armbands. But what will never die is our hope that Manchester United will one day bring back their first Premier League title of the post-Ferguson era.

6 February 2017

Reds beat the champions, my friends...

Manchester United took full advantage of some favourable Premier League results to close the gap on the teams at the top thanks to a convincing 3-0 victory over champions Leicester City at the King Power Stadium. Henrikh Mkhitaryan’s excellent solo goal and a composed finish from top scorer Zlatan Ibrahimovic in the space of two minutes towards the end of the first half gave the Reds a comfortable cushion at the break. The impressive Juan Mata added a third early in the second period as Jose Mourinho’s men ended a run of three successive draws with a deserved third win of the season over the goal-shy Foxes. If they keep this up for the rest of the season, I'm sure they will still have a chance at the silverware.

4 February 2017

No goals again, naturally

Manchester United were held to a hugely frustrating goalless draw at Old Trafford on Wednesday night as Hull City ground out a point to aid their cause at the bottom of the Premier League. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Paul Pogba, Juan Mata, and Marcos Rojo all brought fine saves from Hull goalkeeper Eldin Jakupovic, who was in inspired form between the posts for the visitors. But we don't need draws, we need goals. And we need to win. And the more they win, the closer they get to the silverware.

1 February 2017

Don't go full ISIS against ISIS

The Bellend of the Month for January 2017 is Alexandre Bissonnette. He is the lone suspect in a terrorist attack against Muslims in Quebec City during evening prayers, and was charged on Monday with six counts of first degree murder and five counts of attempted murder. The massacre on Sunday evening, which Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau condemned as a "cowardly terrorist attack on Muslims", left five others in critical condition. A further 12 worshippers managed to escape the chaos with minor injuries, but come on. This is still 23 too many, and I'm sure they're not all affiliated with the likes of ISIS. I hope he gets put away for a long time.