Month ends with 14 bellends

The co-Bellends of the Month for September 2013 are Luis Anaya, Osael Romero, Ramon Sanchez, Christian Castillo, Miguel Granada, Miguel Montes, Dagoberto Portillo, Dennis Alas, Darwin Bonilla, Ramon Flores, Alfredo Pacheco, Mordecai Henriquez, Marvin Gonzalez, and Reynaldo Hernandez. El Salvador's football federation has imposed a life-time ban on all of the people in question for match-fixing. But there were eight more footballers involved, none of which have been named so far. Three players were banned for between six and 18 months, four remain under investigation, and only one of the 22 players involved was cleared. The players are accused of receiving bribes to throw matches such as a 5-0 defeat against Mexico in 2011 and a 4-2 loss against Paraguay last February. This is not cool. You shouldn't just throw a sporting contest like that. Not only does match-fixing put money in the hands of illegal gambling syndicates, it just takes the fun out of sport. Pro wrestling is the only sport that should ever be played to a pre-determined result.

Baggies bag home scalp

Manchester United slipped to a first home defeat of the season this morning as West Bromwich Albion posted a shock 2-1 victory over the Barclays Premier League champions at Old Trafford. Despite bouncing back from last weekend’s Manchester derby defeat with a rousing Capital One Cup victory over Liverpool a few days ago, David Moyes’ side were unable to break down the well-drilled visitors in open play, and succumbed to two fine goals - one by Morgan Amalfitano and the other by Saido Berahino. Wayne Rooney scored Manchester United's goal, and five players were yellow-carded.

Filmin' Saudi Style

Traditionally, Saudi Arabia hasn't had much time for film. The country boasts no cinemas (think Surinamese moviegoers have it bad?), and until last year, nothing but a handful of shorts had ever even been filmed on Saudi soil. It seems the country is looking to make a change, though. For the first time, Saudi Arabia's Association for Culture and Arts has submitted a film for consideration for an Oscar. This first is especially momentous in light of the fact that the writer-director also happens to be a woman. The film is named "Wadjda" after its protagonist, a young girl who wants to own a bike. The story, created by Saudi's first female director, Haifaa Al Mansour, is a parable for female independence in a country renowned for setting limits on women's movements and ambitions. But enough about that because there is a more serious matter at hand: cruising at 9,000 metres, pilots snoozed in the cockpit of a 300-passenger airliner en route to Britain last August, UK aviation authorities told CNN on Thursday. A spokesman for the UK's Civil Aviation Authority says that the Airbus A330 incident occurred while the aircraft was operating on autopilot on a long-distance flight. The CAA wouldn't reveal any other details of the flight, its route, or its destination airport, but sources say the offending airline is Virgin Atlantic. British pilots are allowed to sleep while in the cockpit under certain circumstances, but the pilots reported having only five hours of sleep over two nights "due to longer duty period with insufficient opportunity to sleep," the CAA report states. "Both crew rested for 20 minute rotations and fell asleep." "You can't have five hours of sleep in two days," says veteran airline pilot and aviation consultant Mark Weiss. "That doesn't work." There's no excuse for this rubbish. Falling asleep on the job is NEVER a good idea, especially if you're a pilot. There needs to be at least one person in the cockpit awake and able to fly the plane, otherwise the plane could've crashed and everybody on board could've died. You can't just both fall asleep with nobody to fly the plane during your period of simultaneous slumber, especially if my niece (pictured) is on board.

Winding back the clocks

Spanish MPs are to consider changing time zones by an hour after a report said this would improve eating, sleeping, and working habits. The document by a parliamentary commission said that "Spain for more than 71 years has not been in the correct time zone". In 1942, the Spanish dictator General Franco moved Spain onto Central European Time to follow Nazi Germany. The report says Spain should be in the same time zone as the UK, Ireland, and Portugal. Spain - on the western edge of Europe - is currently one hour ahead of GMT during the winter and two hours ahead in the summer. "We sleep almost an hour less than the World Health Organization recommends," the commission said. "All this has a negative effect on productivity, absenteeism, stress, accidents, and school drop-out rates." It said that following the "wrong clock" explained why Spaniards tended to eat, leave work, and go to bed later than their European neighbours. If they want to shift everyone back an hour, that's fine. But what isn't fine, however, is that the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has said a Russian law banning "homosexual propaganda among minors" does not breach the Olympic charter. That is bollocks. Rights campaigners said the IOC "had abandoned the gay community", and they were right in saying those things. Russia, as Winter Olympic host, has come under criticism over the legislation - passed in June - which forbids "propaganda of non-traditional sexual relations among minors". Gay athletes and visitors to the games have voiced concern that the laws may be used against them.

Oracle receive much-needed miracle

Many regattas ago, when Jimmy Spithill had not yet won the grandest prize in yachting, one of his mentors, the Australian Syd Fischer, gave him words to sail by. “Syd used to say to me when something was going good, ‘Be careful,’” Spithill said, “‘because you can be a rooster one day and a feather duster the next.’” A sailor had to be careful indeed in the 34th America’s Cup, which generated historically fast speeds and risks in carbon-fiber foiling catamarans that bore a greater resemblance to flying machines than boats. But while it once looked all but certain that Spithill, the Oracle Team USA skipper and helmsman, and his crew mates were going to end up as feather dusters in San Francisco, they were ultimately able to turn Fischer’s catchphrase on its head, pulling off the greatest comeback in America’s Cup history and one of the most dramatic in any sport. There have been comebacks before (for instance an NFL playoff game between the Buffalo Bills and the Houston Oilers in 1993, where the Bills recovered from a 32-point deficit in the third quarter to win 41-38 in overtime) but none like this one. While this is a great disappointment for Team New Zealand, I'm surprised that Oracle could pull this one off especially with a two-race penalty for using an illegally modified boat in a practice run. Good job, bellends. Hope you enjoy your victory because you will be defeated one of these days.

Parking space fight soon to claim its second victim

A court in China has sentenced a man to death for killing a two-year-old girl in Beijing over a parking space row. Han Lei, who committed the crime within a year of being released from prison, pulled the toddler out of her pram and threw her to the ground after her mother refused to make way for his car in July. He fled the scene but was captured. The girl later died from her injuries. He said the killing was unintentional, as he was drunk and had thought the pram was a shopping cart. "I did not know there was an infant inside," he previously said. It doesn't matter. He killed a child and he should be made to pay the price. If that were my niece (pictured) in that pram, I would definitely be pushing for the death penalty.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: White supremacy

This will be our last Weekly Gross-Out. Sometime next month, I will launch a new weekly feature tentatively known as the Bad Idea of the Week. But let's end this feature with a well-deserved bang: a tranquil town in North Dakota could lose its serenity if one man has his way. Paul Craig Cobb wants to transform Leith, population 24, into a community that mirrors his white supremacist views. Cobb said he envisions Leith as a place where white nationalist banners will be flown, where white culture would be celebrated, and where minorities would not be welcome. His white power takeover would begin with getting political control over Leith. But his ambitions go way beyond this one small town. Cobb said he wants this movement to spread to other communities, other nations, even around the world, though he does not explain how he would do this. I wouldn't want to because no explanation in the world can justify such bigoted behaviour. Leith's lone black resident, Bobby Harper, feels under threat because of those bellends. Minorities have already suffered enough throughout history.

Reds sink further without Sir Alex

A powerful display from Manchester City this morning at Etihad Stadium condemned Manchester United to a 4-1 defeat in a chastening local derby for the Barclays Premier League champions, one which just serves to prove my point that David Moyes was not the right person to be stepping in Sir Alex's shoes. Wayne Rooney scored Manchester United's only goal, while Man City scored two goals courtesy of Sergio Aguero, one by Yaya Toure, and one by Samir Nasri. One Man City player was yellow-carded.

Late apologies and new systems

The British government has apologised to people in Cornwall affected by the Camelford water poisoning in 1988. When 20 tonnes of aluminium sulphate were tipped into the wrong tank at Lowermoor treatment works, it contaminated the water to 20,000 homes. Health Minister Anna Soubry and Environment Minister Richard Benyon said they apologised "unreservedly" on the government's behalf. Local MP Dan Rogerson said the apology was welcome but 25 years late. You won't have to wait nearly as long, however, for a planned alternative to the Android mobile operating system that just got a huge funding boost. That's right, a team of Android programmers has raised a US$7m investment to turn their hobby project into a rival to Google's phone operating system. The CyanogenMod lets phone users swap the official version of Android for one that gives them more control over their phone or tablet. It has reportedly been installed on over seven million Android devices. The investment has helped found a company to employ the coders, who have been working on the project unpaid. I'm sure it will all be worth it when the final project starts to become more popular than the Android.

World Cup goes into cool-down mode

The prospect of a winter World Cup in 2022 looks set to become a reality after Europe's football associations voted against holding the tournament in the Qatari summer. All 54 member associations of UEFA, Europe's governing body, backed the decision at a meeting in Croatia on Thursday. "They all agreed that this competition could not take place in the heat of Qatar in the summer," FIFA vice-president Jim Boyce told CNN. "At the end of the day common sense has to prevail here and I'm glad at long last common sense has prevailed," he added. FIFA, the game's world governing body, has been considering the option of moving the tournament because of fears that players and fans would be adversely affected by the searing heat, which can reach 50 degrees Celsius during the summer. If you want to cool down the stadiums for health and safety reasons, that's probably the right thing to do, but one must remember that this is a World Cup and there is no cooling down the ambience of a World Cup, especially if nobody has been able to successfully defend it since 1962. That won't matter when you go shopping for your next phone, though, because when it comes to new iPhones, bling is the thing. Early buyers of the iPhone 5S, which went on sale yesterday morning, appear to be overwhelmingly choosing the gold-colored model over the two other color options. People trying to buy a gold phone in Apple's online store yesterday saw a message stating the phone will not ship until October. By contrast, Apple said the silver and "space gray" models will be shipped in 7 to 10 business days. That's true for all three disk sizes of the phone, be they 16, 32, or 64 gigs of storage. But I won't be shelling out cash on those babies until they're cheaper.

Nintendo chief Nintendead

Hiroshi Yamauchi, who built Nintendo from a small playing-card company into a global video-gaming empire before buying the Seattle Mariners, has died in Japan at the age of 85. Yamauchi took over the company from his ailing grandfather as a university student in 1949 and ran it until 2002 - a remarkable span of 53 years. He guided Nintendo from its pre-electronic days as a maker of children's games through its emergence as the creator of hugely popular video-gaming platforms such as the Nintendo Entertainment System, the Game Boy, hit games such as "Donkey Kong", and iconic characters such as Mario, the mustachioed Italian plumber. And speaking of plumbers, a plumber and his heating firm face five charges including manslaughter after the death of a woman from acute carbon-monoxide poisoning in the bedroom of an Irish hotel. Richard Davis of Ballygarvan, County Cork is charged with manslaughter over the death of Miriam Reidy who was discovered unconscious in the Trident Hotel in Kinsale, County Cork on January 9 2011. Reidy, a Tralee based bank worker originally from Ballyhahill, County Limerick, was in Kinsale attending a hen party for a cousin that weekend. A Cork coroner’s inquest into her death heard that, when she was discovered in Room 113, she had a 57pc blood saturation rate for carbon-monoxide, far into the fatal range which extends from 40pc-50pc. As a result, Davis is charged with the manslaughter of Ms Reidy. As a director of Davis Heating and Plumbing Contractors Ltd, he also faces two further charges brought under the Safety, Health, and Welfare at Work Act. The charges allege that, around January 4 2011, he failed to properly manage the conversion of a Worcester Bosch Greenstar boiler at the Trident Hotel for use with liquid petroleum gas, meaning that "individuals at their place of work were exposed to risks to their safety, health, and welfare" and that, as a result, Ms Reidy suffered injury and died. Two fresh charges were brought against Davis Heating and Plumbing Contractors Ltd of Unit 9, Portside, Marina Commercial Park, Centre Park Road, Cork. These are similar to other two Safety, Health, and Welfare at Work Act charges brought against Davis as a director of the same firm. This is why tradespeople need to be more on to it as far as managing risks on the job goes. Had said conversion to LPG been handled better, then there wouldn't have been so much carbon monoxide leaking into the rooms and maybe Reidy would still be alive today. Also, Davis wouldn't have such a pile of charges to deal with.

Drunk on the Water

Even though this prank is probably a viral marketing ploy by New Zealand brewers Tui, that is beside the point. The point is one lucky guy has his house plumbed with beer. In what would have to be the greatest prank ever played, every single tap is hooked up to kegs of nicely chilled refreshing ale. The kitchen. The bathroom sink. The shower. The laundry tub. In fact, the victim's alleged buddies (a crack team of pranking pros including a licensed plumber) seem to have left only the toilet cistern off the list, which, frankly, is probably for the best. Also for the best would be if they had thought about the other potential occupants of the house. There could have been people who choose not to drink for religious or other reasons. There could have been kids under the legal drinking age (which is 18 here). There could have even been some recovering alcoholics in the house. If you want to see the prank in action, click here.

Cooling down the Cup

FIFA's decision to award the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, where temperatures can reach up to 50 degrees Celsius during the summer, has stirred plenty of simmering tensions in football's global community - but is it about to boil over into costly demands for compensation? Yesterday, football's world governing body FIFA insisted it will not be liable for compensation if the 2022 World Cup is staged in winter rather than summer. They should be because a lot of countries have their major tournaments during the Northern Hemisphere winter, and their best players wouldn't be available for their club commitments during that time. If the 2022 World Cup is moved, then FIFA should offer compensation to those nations affected by a major rescheduling of global football's 2021-22 or 2022-23 (as the case may be) calendar.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Poland under Tusk

Tens of thousands of Poles marched through Warsaw last week during protests against proposed labour law changes. The protesters demanded a higher minimum wage, greater job security, and the repeal of a law raising the retirement age to 67. Many carried banners calling for Prime Minister Donald Tusk to resign, and he probably should because the ruling centre-right coalition's popularity has plummeted to its lowest level since Mr Tusk took power in 2007. He should be lucky that Poland remains the only country in the European Union to have avoided a recession since the crisis began. But the economy is just coming out of its worst slump in years, and the protesters say it still lags behind its neighbours to the west. So Mr Tusk should either get it together or resign.

Traitor Shot Down

South Korean troops have shot dead a man trying to swim across a border river into the North. Soldiers opened fire after the man jumped into the Imjin river and ignored repeated warnings to stop. The man, who has not yet been identified, was spotted by guards near the western border in Paju, north of Seoul, a few hours ago. Soldiers fired off warning shots and told him to return to the South. When he disobeyed the order and jumped into the river, he was shot dead. It serves him right. North Korea is one of the worst places anybody could live in. Kim Jong-un spent a ridiculous amount of money on a failed rocket launch last year. Nobody should be defecting there - all defection across the Demilitarised Zone should instead be north to south. There may be thousands of North Korean defectors living in South Korea, but few in their right minds would be stupid enough to even attempt to make the journey the other way.

New manager finally playing ball

Manchester United collected a first home league win under David Moyes this morning by seeing off a ten-man Crystal Palace with a goal in each half through Robin van Persie and the returning Wayne Rooney. Other than Manchester United going back to their winning ways after a draw and a loss, the key moment at Old Trafford came on the stroke of half-time when the home side were awarded a contentious penalty which led to the dismissal of Kagisho Dikgacoi, and ensured an uphill struggle for the visitors in the second 45 minutes. Other than that one red, there were three yellow cards all up.

Cape Verde not going to Brazil

Cape Verde have been disqualified from the African play-offs for the 2014 World Cup for fielding an ineligible player in Saturday's group qualifier against Tunisia. The Tunisians will now be in the draw on 16 September instead of Cape Verde. Fifa ruled that Fernando Varela should not have played in his side's 2-0 win, as he had not completed a suspension. Fifa said Verela "failed to serve a four-match suspension imposed on him after receiving a red card for unsporting conduct towards a match official during a World Cup qualifier on 24 March". Cape Verde Football Association has also been fined US$6,400. This really is a big blow for such a small group of islands. With a population of just over half a million, if the islanders had gone onto eventually qualify for Brazil next year they would have been the smallest ever African nation to play at the World Cup. But that will not be at this point in time. Cape Verde will not get a taste at World Cup glory until at least 2018, all because they made the stupid mistake of fielding a suspended player. Ironically, Cape Verde were awarded the points from the match in March, when Varela was sent off, after Fifa ruled opponents Equatorial Guinea had used an ineligible player. Equatorial Guinea originally won the match 4-3 only for the result to be overturned when Fifa decided Emilio Nsue Lopez did not meet eligibility rules on nationality.

Voyager voyages outside of the Solar System

The Voyager-1 spacecraft has become the first manmade object to leave the Solar System. Scientists say the probe's instruments indicate it has moved beyond the bubble of hot gas from our Sun and is now moving in the space between the stars. Launched in 1977, Voyager was sent initially to study the outer planets, but then just kept on going. Today, the veteran Nasa mission is almost 19 billion km from home. This distance is so vast that it takes 17 hours now for a radio signal sent from Voyager to reach receivers here on Earth. But what will not be leaving our Solar System for now is Twitter, which has filed for an initial public offering of stock. The company sent its filing confidentially to the Securities and Exchange Commission. Many soon-to-be-public companies have been taking advantage of new regulations passed last year in the Jumpstart Our Business Startups (JOBS) Act, which allows smaller businesses to keep its financial data out of the public's eye. Under the act, companies with less than US$1 billion of annual revenue can file for confidential IPOs. Nevertheless, it's a good time for Twitter to be going public, since the stock market has been treating social networks particularly well lately. After bumpy starts, both Facebook and LinkedIn hit all-time highs on Wednesday. But if precedent is followed, the social networking bubble will one day burst, so enjoy it while you can. And it's not just social networks who are after a piece of the pie - Hilton Worldwide has filed for an initial public offering to raise up to US$1.25 billion. It is being sold by the private equity group Blackstone, which bought Hilton in 2007 for US$26.7 billion. Blackstone's filing did not say how much of Hilton it plans to sell or which stock exchange it will use. It will use the proceeds to pay off debt.

Cash without the card

New technology to enable people to withdraw money from cash machines using their smartphone has been unveiled, and is in use by two British banks. Customers who use the Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS) or NatWest mobile banking app can now request cash, up to £100, via their smartphone. They are given a six-digit code to enter into an ATM to release the cash. But this could raise a very serious security issue: if somebody stole your phone, then all they'd need would be your password and they could use the app to take all the money out of your account - 100 quid at a time. But enough about that because a Canadian national has been arrested in Colombia after trying to board a flight to Toronto with a phony pregnant belly stuffed with cocaine. The tourist had entered Colombia at the beginning of August and was about to board a flight to return to Toronto, when a policewoman asked her how long she had been pregnant. "She didn't like the question, which made the official suspicious. Instinctively, she then very delicately touched the lady's belly, realising it was too hard and extremely cold," said the deputy director of Colombia's police anti-narcotics section, Colonel Esteban Arias Melo. After performing a body search, the police found two sealed bags stashed inside the latex belly, which contained 2kg of cocaine. Colombian authorities say the Canadian national will be charged with drug trafficking, possession, and production. She could be sentenced to between five and eight years in prison.

Let's clear ALL the arteries

A new, relatively simple way of treating heart attacks could save thousands of lives, according to specialists at a Clydebank hospital. It involves clearing all narrowed arteries when someone is admitted with a heart attack, rather than just the one which is completely blocked. A trial, involving the Golden Jubilee National Hospital, was so successful that the research was stopped early. Jubilee heart specialist Prof Colin Berry said the results were "striking". This is looking to be a promising treatment, but there is one treatment that the whole world needs now: a military strike against Syria. But President Obama plans to call for a pause in the push for a congressional vote on military action in Syria, as the president waits to see if an emerging diplomatic option can work. The early details of the president’s national address show he is continuing to back off his “red line” threat to take military action against President Bashar al-Assad's regime for its use of chemical weapons. Though his Secretary of State, John Kerry, seemed to push for a congressional vote during testimony on Capitol Hill earlier in the day, officials said Obama is now hitting pause on that process. Whatever Obama's angle is with his "diplomatic solution", it will never work. Violence is the only thing that a despot like Assad will understand. We need to act against that douche NOW. Chemical weapons are not on, and he needs to be taught that.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Microsoft Surface

Undaunted by sluggish sales of the Surface RT and Surface Pro tablets, Microsoft is preparing to release a second-generation model of the device, the Surface 2. The Redmond-based technology giant has sent invitations to the media for a special event on Sept. 23 in New York, where it will unveil the Surface 2 and the Surface Pro 2 tablets - the updated versions of the existing Surface RT and Surface Pro models. Although the company was recently rumored to launch a Surface mini tablet soon, sources have said that such a product will not be part of the upcoming event. However, the Surface 2 and Surface Pro 2 will feature a two-stage kickstand, but the main form factor of both new tablets is expected to be very similar to that of the current models. That doesn't even matter to me because like I always say, if it's not an Apple, it's crapple. Microsoft's products will never in a million years stack up to the pure awesomeness of Apple devices. And speaking of Apple, their invitation to an event at its Cupertino headquarters today (Pacific Daylight Time) promises to "brighten everyone's day". Shown via satellite link in Europe, the event will also be shown to a select group of guests in China. Even though the iPhone maker has said nothing about what is ahead, its vast supply chain in China has leaked enough details over the past few months that seasoned observers feel sure about what Apple has in store. There will be a top-end "iPhone 5S", looking like last year's iPhone 5, and it will be available in black, white, and "champagne" – a cross between gold and beige – which may include a fingerprint sensor for unlocking, and double-speed video capture. And then there will be a cheaper "iPhone 5C" – with the same screen size as the iPhone 5, but with a tough plastic back, and in multiple colours, including strawberry red, blue, lime green, yellow, and white. Those colours are how it aims to "brighten"; that, and the new iOS 7 software, designed by Sir Jonathan Ive, which brings more primary colours to the fore.

Monkey takes the testis

Before we start, today is the 500th anniversary of the Battle of Flodden, which was a conflict between the Kingdom of England and the Kingdom of Scotland. The battle was fought in the county of Northumberland in northern England on 9 September 1513, between an invading Scots army under King James IV and an English army commanded by the Earl of Surrey. It was an English victory. In terms of troop numbers, it was the largest battle fought between the two Kingdoms. James IV was killed in the battle, becoming the last monarch from the British Isles to suffer such a death. Speaking of death, every day the possibility of the US and France leading military action against Syria edges closer. If it happens, it will mark another twist in a long and complex relationship. Barack Obama and Francois Hollande were the only two leaders at the G20 meeting in Moscow committed to using force against Syria. They make a pretty unexpected coalition of the willing, when you remember the American anti-French backlash over Iraq a decade ago, when french fries were off the menu and French wine down the plug-hole. But there persisted a belief among some Americans that the French were too ready to give up without a fight, a sentiment that entered popular culture in a Simpsons episode in 1995 that characterised the French as "cheese-eating surrender monkeys". And speaking of monkeys, an eight month old baby is recovering in hospital after a monkey tore off one of his testicles before running away and eating it. The distressing attack took place at the Guiyang Qianling Wildlife Park in Guiyang, the capital of Guizhou province in Southwest China. The mother was changing her son's nappy when the animal attacked, ripping off the testicle before dropping it onto the ground. An elderly man then reportedly picked up the severed appendage but the monkey snatched it from his hand before scampering away and eating it. This is why we need to be more careful around creatures like monkeys. Next time, it could be one of your balls that gets torn off and eaten by a monkey.

...AND TOKYO GETS 2020!

That's right, Tokyo has been selected as the host city for the 2020 Summer Olympics. The announcement came at 5:20 a.m. Tokyo time (8:20am New Zealand time), but a large crowd watching on an outdoor video screen burst into cheers. Tokyo previously hosted the Summer Games in 1964. Japan's bid for 2020 billed the city as the safe choice - despite radiation leaking from the Fukushima nuclear plant. Prime Minister Shinzo Abe personally made a presentation to the committee and promised an effective cleanup. But that's not all there is to discuss tonight. Now it can be hard for families to agree on where to go for dinner or any family outing. Case in point: following 45 minutes of intense arguing and bitter protests, a heated screaming match between members of the Carroll family of Wheaton, Illinois came to an end on Thursday evening with a consensus to eat dinner at Macaroni Grill. The emotionally charged dispute among the family of four, in which parents and children alike alternately shouted insults across the kitchen and sharply criticized each other’s character and food preferences, reportedly concluded when all parties eventually agreed that Macaroni Grill, an Italian-inspired chain eatery, was an acceptable choice for their weekly family restaurant night. The quarrel is said to have escalated within minutes, as family members could be heard yelling the phrases “I’m f***ing sick of this,” “Cheesecake Factory is off the table,” “I hate pasta,” and “Don’t put words in my mouth” throughout the suburban residence. According to accounts, the protracted period of fierce squabbling included numerous threats to leave the house, repeated usages of the word “unfair,” several personal accusations entirely unrelated to the argument at hand, and suggestions for alternate dinner plans — including Chili’s and California Pizza Kitchen — that were swiftly and angrily rejected. So just be aware of that next time you want to plan a family outing.

One city, one sport, one president

The host city for the 2020 summer Olympics and Paralympics will be chosen in Buenos Aires this afternoon (local time). Istanbul, Tokyo, and Madrid (which are all struggling to overcome negative aspects that could torpedo their bids) are the contenders in a secret ballot that will be announced today at 5pm local time (8am tomorrow New Zealand Standard Time). International Olympic Committee (IOC) members will also decide which one of squash, baseball/softball (joint bid), or wrestling will be added to the Olympic Games programme in 2020. A new IOC president will also be chosen to replace the outgoing Jacques Rogge. But enough about that because thousands of Cambodians are taking part in a rally in Phnom Penh to protest against alleged electoral fraud. The main opposition - the Cambodia National Rescue Party - is leading the protest. It claims there was widespread rigging in July's election, which was narrowly won by Prime Minister Hun Sen. Of course there was rigging involved. Cambodian elections have often been marred by allegations of fraud, and this year's was no exception. Whoever's behind the rigging, you'd better stop it. This sort of rubbish is greedy and unfair.

Bacon humiliated by Curry

It may be Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters' 70th birthday today, but that's not the topic of today's post. A university graduate says he was left humiliated after being asked to dance to a Daft Punk song during a job interview at an electronics superstore. 21-year-old Alan Bacon thought working at Currys in Cardiff would be ideal given his love of cameras, and he spent a week preparing for the interview. But instead of showcasing his skills, he ended up doing robotic-style dancing "like a scene out of [BBC TV comedy] The Office". "I think everyone initially thought it was a joke," said Mr Bacon, whose ambition is to make science documentaries. "But they were serious. All professionalism went out the window. I'd spent the past week researching the company and looking forward to being able to express myself and talk about what I love doing. But I just felt so embarrassed and uncomfortable. I ended up dancing to Around the World by Daft Punk, doing rubbish robotics in my suit in front of a group of strangers. I told my dad it was like a scene out of The Office. I would have walked out but I need a job. Another middle aged guy looked really upset as he danced to a rap song." Even after being put through all that humiliation, Mr Bacon, who had moved to Cardiff from Newport in the hope that it would help his job search, didn't get the Currys job and is still looking for work. This is not what a job interview should be. Maybe if it was an audition for a part in a TV advertisement or similar, but not in a job interview for an electronics store. Making your employees-to-be dance like total bellends is completely unprofessional outside of show business, and should be left to show business.

Smartwatch Style

Samsung has unveiled a smartwatch with a colour screen that can show alerts, be used for voice calls, and run apps. The Galaxy Gear had been highly anticipated since the firm is currently the world's best-selling smartphone maker and has beaten Microsoft, Apple, and Google to unveil such a device. Samsung called it a "fashion icon". However, analysts warned that a decision to limit the watch to working as an accessory to other Galaxy Android devices might limit its appeal. Also limiting its appeal is the fact that it's not an Apple. Apple products are clearly better than devices running crappy alternatives like Android. And Apple are set to reveal some new iPhones next week.

Team New Zealand two races closer to the America's Cup

Oracle Team USA have been docked two points and had three crew members banned in the most severe penalties in the America's Cup 162-year history. An international jury found them guilty of illegally modifying catamarans and also fined them US$250,000. The unauthorised modifications were of 45-foot wing-powered catamarans that were prototypes for the 72-footers being sailed in the America's Cup regatta. The jury found that weight had been added and the main king post had been extended in length without the consent of the measurement committee. Emirates Team New Zealand face defending champions Oracle in the best-of-17 series which starts on Saturday, and following the penalties, Oracle will now need 11 victories to win the series while New Zealand require only nine. This is not only good news for the people of New Zealand, not all of whom even care about sailing, but also for sport in general because more cheats have finally experienced their well-deserved fall from grace. We do not need this unfair play in sailing, or in any sport for that matter. In other sporting news, the Rio anti-doping laboratory which was to be used for the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Olympics in Brazil has had its right to test samples revoked. The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) suspended the laboratory for a second time in August and will revoke its status on 25 September for failing to meet international standards. The lab can appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport within 21 days, and can re-apply for accreditation and seek "fast track" process from WADA.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Flora

What is Flora? Flora is a brand of margarine sold in the UK, Czech Republic, Ireland, Finland, Sweden, Spain, Poland, Hungary, Portugal, South Africa, Hong Kong, Singapore, New Zealand, and Australia. Said brand, owned by Unilever, has long promoted its margarine as helping consumers maintain a healthy heart. But Unilever says it has ordered the withdrawal of a Flora margarine advertisement in South Africa that has been condemned as homophobic. The advert features a bullet with the words "Uhh dad I'm gay" flying towards a heart made of china. The advert, on a pink background, includes the tagline "You need a strong heart today" near the Flora logo. Another variation has the words "Kama Sutra page 48" flying towards a glass heart on an orange background. While you do need a strong heart, this was not the best way to get the message across. Those ads are homophobic and there is no need for them in this day and age. People should be more careful about how they advertise their business.

Moyes on the fast track to failure

Manchester United slipped to a first defeat of the 2013/14 season as Daniel Sturridge's early header for Liverpool decided a fractious meeting at Anfield this morning. This means only one win out of three games for the Reds under David Moyes. I knew he wasn't the right man for the Reds. He will be lucky if his team stays in the Premiership next season. Also in the match, six players were yellow-carded.

Trading iPhones

Confirming earlier rumours, Apple launched a new program on Friday (Pacific Daylight Time) that will allow customers to trade in old iPhones at US Apple stores for credit towards a newer model. In addition to helping support the environment, the program lets customers receive a credit for their returned phone that they can use toward the purchase of a new iPhone - most likely the next iPhone, expected to go on sale this month - provided the new phone comes with a wireless contract. But the most Apple will credit someone for an old device is US$280, and the store credit needs to be used on a new iPhone. While this does sound like a good idea, they could improve it somewhat, one of those ways being to allow Android users to trade their inferior devices for what is clearly a better model. But enough about that because in the aftermath of a failed relationship, jilted lovers have been known to lash out by posting sexually explicit photos or videos of their exes online. Called "revenge porn," or the less-salacious "cyber revenge," the trend has been around for years, spawning entire websites that profit off these images. But now, state laws could make this illegal. For example, the California Legislature is debating a new bill that would make it a misdemeanor for people to distribute sexually explicit photos or videos they'd shot in order to cause others humiliation or distress. It has already passed the state Senate. A similar bill was under consideration in Florida this year that would have made the act a felony, but it failed to muster the votes to become law. New Jersey is the only state that already has such a law on the books.