What the Nazis taketh, seventy years returneth

The Bellend of the Month for June 2015 is the Nazi regime. We all know what those creeps did to the Jewish populations of the territories they occupied, but what's most revolting is the fact that the global Jewish population has only just recovered to pre-WWII levels. That's right, seventy long years after the Holocaust, the global Jewish population has finally returned to the level it was at before the Second World War, after a surge in numbers in the past decade. The Jewish People Policy Institute said in its annual survey that there were about 16.6 million Jews around the world, a figure not seen since the 1930s and the Nazis’ attempts to exterminate them. “There is a certain symbolic value in that the Jewish people have reattained the number that they had before the awful destruction,” Binyamin Netanyahu, the Israeli prime minister, said after his cabinet reviewed the report. So PLEASE do not plan mass genocide. The groups you seek to rid the world of may take much more than seventy years to recover next time, and it could take even longer for populations to reach where they would be now had it not been for such callous intervention.

Dildos in the name of ISIS

A CNN reporter may never live down the day she was so pleased at being the only person to notice an Islamic State flag at a London gay pride march. Correspondent Lucy Pawle had no doubts she had seen the terrorist banner in the parade, even though she acknowledged it was a poor attempt at mimicry and the writing on it "could be gobbledygook". In fact the symbols on the flag weren't even writing, they were silhouettes of sex toys. The event at which the flag was flown should have given Pawle pause for thought before she started revelling in her own cleverness. Plenty of other people were able to join the dots and the torrents of derision soon followed on social media. If you look at the flag closely, it's clearly not Arabic, in fact it looks like it could be gobbledygook, but it's very distinctive, the Isis flag. But from far away, Arabic looks like buttplugs & dildos. Speaking of dildos, over 100 people rallying for the Confederate flag today say they don't want it removed from public places because they don't believe it's an offensive or racist symbol. Instead, they're stressing how important it is to the history of our country, specifically in the south. "It's not about racism," said supporter Tim Guthrie. "It's about our family heritage." Guthrie and organizer Bill Starnes say the "Save the Flag Rally" was an unfortunate necessity. That flag seriously needs to come down. The symbol has always been associated with racism, especially considering the Confederacy started over slavery. Even an ISIS flag would be a refreshing step up.

Small players, big brawl

Otahuhu College has spoken out about yesterday's violent brawl at a South Auckland rugby game which saw a 14-year-old knocked-out. The teen was knocked unconscious during a mass brawl involving up to 50 players and spectators following an under-15 rugby match between Otahuhu College and Tangaroa College. Otahuhu College left a message on its Facebook page this morning saying the student was making "steady progress". It went on to say that it didn't want the incident to "detract from the hundreds of OC students and their families who play, watch, and support sport every week". The school's comments come following rising concerns that ugly sideline antics are ruining junior sports. Police officers at amateur sports grounds are becoming a familiar sight. ONE News Facebook readers have called the incident and the increase in violence in junior sports "ugly behaviour" and are calling for a ban on the players and supporters involved in the fight. "Ban the players involved from playing for up to a year," David Richardson wrote. "Ban all the kids and parents involved from all rugby. Permanently," Digger Wright suggested, adding "Maybe that will sent he [sic] message that no one will put up with this kind of crap." Nobody should have to put up with this kind of crap. I realise this is South Auckland we're talking about, but come on. Fights have no place in any non-combat sport except for ice hockey and roller derby.

WE DID IT AMERICA!

The Supreme Court ruled on Friday that the U.S. Constitution provides same-sex couples the right to marry, handing a historic triumph to the American gay rights movement. The court ruled 5-4 that the Constitution's guarantees of due process and equal protection under the law mean that states cannot ban same-sex marriages. With the landmark ruling, gay marriage becomes legal in all 50 states. Immediately after the decision, same-sex couples in many of the states where gay marriage had been banned headed to county clerks' offices for marriage licenses as officials in several states said they would respect the ruling. President Barack Obama, appearing in the White House Rose Garden, hailed the ruling as a milestone in American justice that arrived "like a thunderbolt." "This ruling is a victory for America," said Obama, the first sitting president to support gay marriage. "This decision affirms what millions of Americans already believe in their hearts. When all Americans are treated as equal, we are all more free." As night fell, the White House was lit in rainbow colors - a symbol of gay pride - to mark the high court's decision. The ruling is the Supreme Court's most important expansion of marriage rights in the United States since its landmark 1967 ruling in the case Loving v. Virginia that struck down state laws barring interracial marriages.

THE FILM BEAT: Inside Out

Before I start my review, I will tell you why this post is a little early. It's because my dad literally broke the internet. More specifically, he removed our landline by mistake, so our home phone and Wi-Fi are out for the time being. As a result, I'm now having to do the next few posts with my cellphone or at public computing facilities during their respective opening hours. He's redecorating the hallway, and removed some old wires for the telephone connection, thinking we didn't need them anymore. It could be up to five days before someone comes up to fix it, so don't be surprised to see early posts into July.

Now to why I'm bringing back the Friday Film Beat. It's because we're retiring the Bad Idea of the Week later this year and I want to test out different candidates for its replacement. So here's my review: it was one of the most bizarre films Pixar has ever put out. Go see it and see just how right I am.

And now, back before it even starts...

USA Network has given a vote of confidence to its new series "Mr. Robot". The cable channel had ordered a second season of the cyber drama, hours before it premiered last night. The second season will consist of at least 10 episodes and will debut next year. "We knew from the moment we read Sam Esmail's provocative script, and witnessed the brilliant performances of Rami Malek and Christian Slater, that 'Mr. Robot' is a stand-out series that is unlike anything currently on television," said USA Network president Chris McCumber. "The overwhelmingly positive fan reactions to the pilot and the broad sampling of it reaffirms our confidence in the series, and we're excited to see where this timely drama will take us for season two." That's good to hear, but if you've not seen it yet, click here and get downloading.

Old system, new gadget

See for yourself:

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: The coming mass extinction

The world is witnessing extinction rates unseen in the last 65-million years. That was when dinosaurs died off – thanks to a mixture of an asteroid impact on Mexico and massive volcanic outbursts elsewhere. The four mass extinctions before that were also caused by natural disasters. But this time it is down to human activity, say a group of scientists writing in the journal Science Advances. Looking at data from the International Union for the Conservation of Nature, the researchers looked at the rate of extinction of animals over the last 500 years. The union runs a Red List of critically endangered animals. They found that normally two species per 10,000 go extinct every 100 years. That is the baseline, or natural rate of extinction without disaster events. Human intervention – they said in the release on Friday – has accelerated this rate by up to a hundred times. This has been during “the period during which Homo sapiens truly became a major force on the biosphere”. However, the number of up to a 100% increase in extinctions is conservative. The researchers said it would be hard to accurately predict extinction rates when numbers had only been effectively recorded in recent years. And even these numbers only scratch the surface. Their paper – “Accelerated modern human–induced species losses: Entering the sixth mass extinction.” – said only around 16 000 of the estimated 1.4-million invertebrates worldwide were catalogued. This meant species are going extinct without people knowing it. And the species that are going extinct are so small that they are hardly noticeable, the researchers said. The conservative scenario found that 111 mammal species have gone extinct between 1500 and 1900. Sixty-nine more have gone extinct in the last century. The same acceleration is evident in other species: 477 vertebrate species have gone extinct in the last century, compared to 617 in the four preceding centuries. In the five hundred years that they looked at, the researchers found that 130 000 species have been lost – 7% of the world’s biodiversity. “The particularly high losses in the last several decades accentuate the the increasing severity of the modern extinction crisis.” If nothing is done to stem the rate of extinction, the researchers said 75% of the species in existence today could vanish. “We have the potential for making massive change, and the bottom line is that we can’t be the generation responsible for wiping out three-fourths of life forms on the Earth.” This is serious stuff right here. If we don't clean up our act, 2012 will come. And the next generation of human life, if there is one, will be left picking up the pieces. We're better than that.

A woman's place is on the dough

By 2020, a woman will finally be right on the money — literally. A remake of the $10 bill will include a portrait of a woman and although a man, Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew, gets the final say on who that woman will be, he's open to suggestions. So let's take him up on the offer. There are some great contenders for the coveted spot on the $10 bill — Clara Barton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Sally Ride, Harriet Tubman, and Susan B Anthony just to name a few. There's also civil rights activist Fannie Lou Hamer and Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman to be elected to Congress. And let's not forget Rosa Parks - by refusing to give up her bus seat to the white man in 1955, she sat and stood up against inequality not from some great platform but just as a citizen tired of injustice. And how can you read Sojourner Truth's 1851 speech "Ain't I a Woman?" and not consider her for the currency? "I could have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man — when I could get it — and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman?" And fans of Alexander Hamilton need not despair, for the woman on the $10 bill will have to share the space with Alexander Hamilton. In a release, the Treasury Department said Lew has "made clear" that the image of Hamilton will remain in some way as part of the new banknote. They could do what Australia does and have a man on one side and a woman on the other. But back to America's initiative: who will be on #thenew10?

HAPPY SOLSTICE EVERYONE

Spiderman, Spiderman, straight and white like a Spiderman is

The latest tidbit to come out from the Sony hack is the list of demands Marvel made to Sony when licensing the 'Spider-Man' flicks. The emails show the "mandatory character traits" needed to cast the "proper" Spider-Man/Peter Parker, which include (but are not limited to): male, does not have sex before the age of 16, not a homosexual, and Caucasian (white). However, it was mentioned that Spidey can be gay if "Marvel has portrayed that alter ego as a homosexual." The interesting thing about all of this is that the contract went into effect in September 2011, shortly after a black-latino Spider-Man was introduced in the comic book world. Seriously, guys, I think it is time we had a gay and/or black Spidey.

WHO DID IT BETTER: Team

It was previously mentioned there was something big coming later in the year. I can now tell you more about the event: it will be a new weekly feature to replace the Bad Idea of the Week after post #2000. Over the next twelve Fridays, I will be testing out four potential candidates for a new feature. Tonight will be the first of three of a feature called Who Did It Better? Tonight, it will be the Lorde song Team. Here's the original:
And here's a cover by a band called Local H:
So who did it better?

Don't mess with unlimited

But first, here's an old toy I played with today for the first time in a while. I had to put in some new batteries first, but it still works over 15 years after I first got it. In other technology-related news, the Federal Communications Commission has slapped AT&T with a US$100 million fine, accusing America's second-largest cellular carrier of improperly slowing down Internet speeds for customers who had signed up for "unlimited" data plans. The FCC found that when customers used up a certain amount of data watching movies or browsing the Web, AT&T "throttled" their Internet speeds so that they were much slower than normal. Millions of AT&T customers were affected by the practice, according to the FCC. The fine, which AT&T says it will fight, is the largest ever levied by the agency. It serves them right. By not properly disclosing the policy to consumers who thought they were getting “unlimited” data, the company violated the FCC's rules on corporate transparency. Consumers deserve to get what they pay for. Broadband providers must be upfront and transparent about the services they provide. And this isn't the first time AT&T's unlimited data policy has landed the company in hot water. The Federal Trade Commission sued the telecom company in October, alleging that 3.5 million users had their Internet service slowed to dial-up speeds an average of 12 days every month. SO DON'T DO IT.

Hitler, Hitler, he's their man, if he can't do it no-one can!

A girls’ cheer-dance team in Mexico has drawn criticism for a routine in which they displayed flags with swastikas, were dressed in pseudo-military outfits, and one girl tossed a Nazi salute to the crowd. The performance by about two dozen girls aged 10 to 16 came at a cheer-dance competition in the western city of Guadalajara at the end of May. The girls wore red armbands, camouflage dance outfits, and carried red flags as they strutted in marching-style formations. A video of the performance drew condemnation when it began to circulate Friday on social media sites. The abhorrent performance can be seen below:

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Trying to kick the Coyotes out

If the Arizona Coyotes want to pick up and leave town, they can, but that does not appear to be the preference of the team's ownership group. Last Wednesday, the Glendale city council put themselves in the penalty box when they voted 5-2 to cancel the professional management contract and arena lease agreement with IceArizona, the Coyotes' ownership group, just two years into a 15-year lease. The team remains defiant about the ruling, and while markets ripe for relocation of an NHL team may be licking their chops, this isn't over yet in Glendale. The team has its chance to leave, but CEO and co-owner Anthony LeBlanc says it is doing whatever it can to stay. The first order of business for the Coyotes is to pursue action against the City of Glendale to challenge the legality of the decision. To that end, the Arizona Coyotes have acted to defend their rights and reaffirm their continuing commitment to their great fans by seeking a restraining order to stop the City of Glendale's baseless attack on, and improper attempt to void, the Coyotes' lawful and proper lease to play at Gila River Arena. The suit was filed in Maricopa County Superior Court against the City of Glendale, the Glendale City Council, and other City officials. Last Friday, Superior Court Judge Dawn Bergin granted the motion for a temporary injunction and set another hearing on the dispute for June 29, and I hope the Coyotes can keep playing at Gila River through at least the 2027-28 season, even if it means having to change their team name to the Redskins.

Dinosaur, dinosaur, resurrect the dinosaur

As if Jurassic Park through Jurassic World didn’t warn us enough, scientists in London have discovered red blood cells in dinosaur bones, which could lead to the potential of resurrecting dinosaurs. Perhaps one day we’ll be welcomed to a very real Jurassic Park. Materials scientist Sergio Bertazzo and his colleague paleontologist Susannah Maidment were testing dinosaur bones from the Cretaceous period (meaning the fossils were around 75 million years old). Using image enhancement and a mass spectrometer, Bertazzo and Maidment discovered red blood cells and collagen strands (or structural proteins) in the specimens. This discovery made them wonder if more existing fossils contain red blood cells. While these findings can lead to answers in many areas including the physiology, behaviour, and diet of dinosaurs, there’s a chance that these cells may also contain viable DNA. And if dinosaurs do get resurrected, maybe Peppa Pig's brother George will get a real dinosaur of his own.

Ads off to you

iPhone fans will be happy to hear that Apple's new iOS 9 mobile operating system will have a feature that will help them avoid advertisements before their videos. The feature will be a version of Adblock, an extension in the Safari browser that is more common on desktop computers, which makes this addition the first time that iPhones and iPads will have such a tool. In addition of letting users block ads and cookies, the feature will help browsers load web pages faster and more exclusively. Come on. You know you want that. All you got to do is lose the Android, get an iPhone, and wait for iOS 9 to come out.

At this rate, it could be renamed iOS 10

Details of Apple's iOS 9 are finally out, and iPhone fans across the globe have been clamouring to find out more about the mobile operating system and the new functionalities it will bring to the table. Here's a definitive list detailing the best new features and technologies set to arrive:

• Apple touted the fact it has one billion requests a month on its Maps service now, and said it is working to improve Maps further in iOS 9 by adding improved step-by-step transit directions complete with public transport information. This will cover a raft of major cities such as New York, San Francisco, and London.
• Taking a page out of Android's book, iOS 9 has a new low-power mode that Apple claims will add an extra three hours of battery life to iPhones and iPads, something I already have a special case for.
• Apple has replaced Newsstand with an improved News app. The aggregator service will push articles based on data stored on the device and users' Apple account using layouts designed by publishers.
• Siri is getting a facelift on iOS 9 and will have a new interface and deeper integration into the mobile OS that will let it refer to and access information on photos, contacts, and apps when answering questions.
• Keeping up the smarter strategy, iOS 9 also has a Proactive Assistant feature that can automatically suggest apps to launch or people to contact based on past user behaviour.
• Apple has streamlined iOS 9's photo viewing feature so that people can scroll through images by holding and dragging on a timeline at the bottom of the screen.
• Improved iOS 9 security includes a more robust, and difficult to remember, six-digit passcode and two-factor authentication by default.
• Apple has managed to make the file to install iOS 9 just 1.3GB, down from the 4.6GB required for iOS 8, which was criticised by some. Furthermore, all devices that can run iOS 8 can move to iOS 9, so you should have no excuse come release day.
• Just like with OS X El Capitan, the iPad version will be chopping off its balls and putting on a skirt. That's right, iOS 9 is now capable of multitasking with the addition of split screen application support that lets users run and display two services at once on an iPad.
• iOS 9 adds support for a number of new APIs, including new HealthKit data points for reproductive health and UV exposure, as well as an open source Swift 2 coding language Apple claims will offer numerous performance improvements.
• Apple has redesigned Notes on iOS 9, adding the ability to scribble notes using your finger, create checklists, and take photos from directly within the app.
• And last but not least, Passbook has been ditched for a new app called Wallet. The app will let users store payment cards and boarding passes, for example, and adds support for loyalty and reward cards.

Wi-Fi to be Wi-Fixed

Noticed your iPhone and Mac’s Wi-Fi weren’t so good over the last year? You’re not alone, and Apple is finally fixing it, albeit quietly. Wi-Fi problems were one of the biggest complaints about Apple’s Yosemite update for Mac last year, with thousands of users taking to Apple’s support forums to air frustration. If you’re wondering exactly what happened, there are a few moving parts. First, you need to understand what the Domain Name System (DNS) does. Each computer on the internet has an IP address, which is like where it can be found on a street. Domain names for websites, like disseminatorsofthetruth.blogspot.com, have an attached IP address that locates these computers. Think of a domain name as a human-readable way to get to the right IP address. DNS servers, like the ones Google or your internet provider offers, keep a directory of domain names and their IP addresses. When you type disseminatorsofthetruth.blogspot.com into your Web browser, your computer requests the address from a DNS server, then takes you to this page. It all happens without your knowledge — at least, when it works. For the better part of twelve years, Apple used a single piece of software called “mDNSResponder” to manage much of your Mac’s networking, including this lookup process. In general, it worked flawlessly. When OS X Yosemite rolled around in late 2014, Apple decided to rip out the trusty DNS responder and replaced it with a new process called “discoveryd.” The problems with discoveryd have been vast and unpredictable. You’ve probably run into at least one: duplicate computer names, random crashes, slow page loading, slow reconnection after sleep — the list goes on. Apple tried on three occasions to patch out the problems, but the complaints continued to flow in. When a beta build of OS X hit 10.10.4 in May, discoveryd suddenly vanished after months with no fix. At first, many wondered if it was an accident, but mDNSResponder had miraculously returned and has stuck around in the latest beta builds. But it's not the only thing good about the upcoming OS X update - click here to see more.

The Split-sons

There seems to be quite a bit of confusion over the future of Homer and Marge Simpson. It started after Simpsons executive producer Al Jean was quoted saying the couple would "legally separate" in the new season in a Variety interview. Unsurprisingly, this caused quite a stir among fans. So Jean took to Twitter to clarify: "I DIDN'T SAY Homer and Marge are breaking up I said they are BIGGER THAN JESUS." The official Simpsons Twitter account also got involved - tweeting a picture of Bart writing on the blackboard "Homer and Marge and not breaking up". That was followed by another tweet saying "Marge and Homer forever!" in Spanish. In the Variety interview, Al Jean was also quoted saying that Homer would find out he has narcolepsy, a brain disorder that causes a person to suddenly fall asleep. Jean said: "In the premiere, it's discovered after all the years Homer has narcolepsy and it's an incredible strain on the marriage. Homer and Marge legally separate, and Homer falls in love with his pharmacist, who's voiced by Lena Dunham." Jean used Twitter to respond to several fans, although it doesn't seem much clearer exactly what will happen to Homer and Marge. Season 27 of The Simpsons is due to air in September, and it will answer all the big questions - which one will be staying at 742 Evergreen Terrace? Where will the other one move? Which parent will Bart, Lisa, and Maggie live with? And will there be a new title sequence to accommodate the split? And the big one - is it for real or will they go back on their decision just before the credits like on Family Guy last season, when Quagmire almost did time for statutory rape?

The 'droid can't even handle 9 right now

At its annual WWDC conference, Apple announced iOS 9 - the next level of mobile operating system for iPhones, iPads, and iPod Touch devices. While iOS 9 does not offer anything radical in terms of design, the biggest feature in the new OS is what Apple calls ‘Proactive assistance.’ This new feature relies on deep-search linking, along with data from third-party apps to provide results that are most relevant to a user. And it sounds a lot like Google Now. But the big question - will it prove to be a worthy challenger to the Google voice-assistant? For starters, proactive assistance is going to take the place of Spotlight in iOS 9 and it will give users the most relevant information based on the context they put in. For example, it can learn what music you listen to in the gym at what time of day and it will put that on for you when say you plug the iPhone into a set of speakers. In addition to this, Proactive will also automatically add invites and reminders to your calendar without a user having to tap and do it themselves. Also, searches via Proactive will be anonymous, and not shared with third-parties or linked to other Apple services. In Google Now’s case, it is invariably linked to other Google products and services including your email. Apple showed WWDC how Proactive assistance will work and gave demos of the service, but it’s not clear if iOS 9 will offer an option to users to log out of this new service. We'll just have to find out when iOS 9 is ready to download.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Putting it off any longer

But I fear I must. The something big I mentioned last night is still twelve weeks away.

Something big is coming

Watch this space.

High hopes for ocean cleanup

A Dutch man barely out of his teens is leading one of the most ambitious ocean cleanup efforts ever: to halve the amount of plastic debris floating in the Pacific within a decade. The man’s name is Boyan Slat, and he’s come up with a pretty ingenious way of doing it. Instead of clamoring around the globe on a never-ending junk hunt, he wants the ocean to “clean itself.” Every year, 8 million tons of plastic are dumped into the oceans. Slat’s plan is to place enormous floating barriers in rotating tidal locations around the globe, and let the plastic waste naturally flow into capture. These barriers aren’t nets - sea life gets tangled in those. They’re big, V-shaped buffers anchored by floating booms. Slat’s nonprofit, the Ocean Cleanup, says the current will flow underneath those booms, where animals will be carried through safely. The buoyant plastic is funneled above and concentrates at the water’s surface along the barriers for easy gathering and disposal. Of course the irresponsibly dumped trash will still have to be removed using human effort, but the job is now that much easier because it's all being moved to one place. Sadly, you won't find this in action just yet - this ocean-cleaning system will be deployed next year. They’re planning to station it near the Japanese island of Tsushima, situated in between Japan’s Nagasaki prefecture and South Korea. The detritus-catching apparatus will be 6,500 feet (almost 2 km) wide and is being called the longest floating structure ever placed in the ocean. Eventually, more of these storm-resistant, plastic-gathering structures will be placed around the world, if all goes according to plan. But enough about that because here's a question for you all: ever wanted more from your batteries? How about 800% more? Most new batteries contain 1.5V of energy when first bought. The problem is that many devices stop functioning at around the 1.3V mark. That's what California-based startup Batteroo have in mind with their new product, the Batteriser. It uses micro-circuitry that lets you instantly tap into the 80% energy that is usually thrown away, and is crafted from stainless steel at just 100 micrometres thin to fit into your devices' battery compartments, yet tough enough to be reused over and over. Need more convincing? Check out the website here.

Indonesia to get the FIF out

FIFA, which finds itself under heavy scrutiny following the indictment of 14 world soccer officials on charges of taking bribes and other corruption, has paradoxically shown the red card to Indonesia for failing to manage its own affairs and allowing third parties, namely its government, to influence Persatuan Sepakbola Seluruh Indonesia (sometimes translated as All-Indonesian Football Association). The ban, first reported by the Wall Street Journal, means Indonesia will not be allowed to compete in qualifiers for the 2018 World Cup in Russia or the 2019 AFC Asian Cup hosted by the United Arab Emirates. "This decision resulted from the effective 'take over' of the activities of PSSI by the Indonesian authorities," FIFA said in a statement. Indonesia has not qualified or participated in the World Cup since the last pre-war edition in 1938, when it played as the Dutch East Indies, and it won't be able to until their national governing body develops a backbone and learns not to sieg heil to corrupt government types. Seriously, don't mix sport with politics. It has led to disaster in the past.

Another Enterprise crew member to boldly go to the great starship in the sky

Tom Hanks’ son Chet Haze has one question - can't ya give an up and coming white rapper a break and let him say "my n****" every now and then? Yes, rapping Chet says he identifies with hip hop culture so much, he should be allowed to drop the N-word freely. I would not give him unlimited free passes on such a horrible word on his flimsy reasoning alone. Eminem may use words like bitch and faggot freely, but the N-word isn't even in his vocabulary. Sorry, Chet, but you have to be a n***** to say n*****. Your reasoning for the contrary is the epitome of illogic. And speaking of logic, it seems time could soon be up for yet another Star Trek actor. Barely three months after the loss of Leonard Nimoy, Nichelle Nichols, who played Uhura in the original TV series and films, suffered a mild stroke Wednesday night, according to a post on her Facebook page. "Last night while at her home in L.A., Nichelle Nichols suffered from a mild stroke," said the statement by Zach McGinnis of Galactic Productions, which books Nichols and other actors for public appearances. "She is currently undergoing testing to determine how severe the stroke was," the statement continued. "Please keep her in your thoughts." Just remember that one day, we will all be assimilated with the cold hard ground housing those who have gone before us. You can hold off this eventuality for many years, but in the end, resistance is futile.

Caitlyn, #dontgivebackthegold

A bunch of total idiots believe Caitlyn Jenner ought to give back her Gold Medal. On Change.org, a petition went into circulation on Monday that was started by a woman named Jennifer Bradford. It asks the Olympic International Committee to revoke the top prize Bruce Jenner earned at the 1976 Decathalon because Bruce says he has always identified as female. "We congratulate Ms. Jenner on these new developments and wish her the best," reads the petition. "However, this creates somewhat of a problem as Ms. Jenner (as talented as she is) claims that she has always believed herself to be truly female, and therefore, was in violation of committee rules regarding women competing in men's sports and vice versa." The ridiculous document proceeds to try and justify why the former athlete's accomplishments at the 1976 Montreal Olympics should no longer be valid. "As we must now either claim that Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner are two entirely different people (which we know is not true), or that Bruce Jenner was, in fact, a woman participating in a men's event. "It is only fair to all involved that women receive their credit as champions of the Decathalon and that the men racing Ms. Jenner are not expected to compete with a superior, streamlined being such as herself." This is clearly an asinine line of reasoning, especially coming from somebody who probably doesn't know what the word asinine means. And, most insulting of all perhaps, Bradford somehow tries to claim that Caitlyn Jenner giving up her Gold would help her cause. "We urge Ms. Jenner to support the transgender community by giving up the medals earned by competing against the wrong gender," she writes. "Thank you, and congratulations to Ms. Jenner for her courage! #givebackthegold." Sadly, over 5,000 people have signed the petition so far. If you sign that, you are officially a complete retard. Even if Jenner did identify as a woman during his gold medal-winning accomplishment at Montreal, at least he didn't use performance-enhancing drugs like a certain seven-time Tour de France champion. There are much better and more worthy petitions on Change.org to sign, for instance this one seeking the disbarment of a lawyer who wants to legalise the murder of LGBT people.

Dudstown? More like Floodstown

It's happening in Texas, and it's also happening in my neck of the woods. I took the above pictures at Otago Polytechnic while waiting for a ride home from the soccer (for those who want the results of the games I went to, Mexico beat Uruguay 2-1 and Serbia beat Mali 2-0). You might not be able to make out the giant puddle because it was dark out, but one thing is clear - 2012 is here. The Mayans did predict this, but they just got the date wrong. Climate change is coming, and not all lifeforms will be able to survive its destructive powers, including but not limited to temperature extremes on both ends of the scale. When we fulfil Mayan prophecy by leaving our planet at the mercy of polluters big and small, future generations are left picking up the pieces. Also, congratulations Kayleigh and Nick (my sister and her husband) for staying married for 200 days.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Windows 10

It's coming on 29 July, and it's not worth it. Ditch your silly Windows machine and get a Mac. If it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

The Rock shakes his way to number one

Earthquake disaster movie San Andreas has topped the US box office, taking $53.2m over the weekend - allaying fears that audiences in quake-prone regions would avoid seeing it. The film, which stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, knocked last week's top film Tomorrowland, which debuted with $40.7m (£26.7m), into third place. Pitch Perfect 2 was at number two and Mad Max: Fury Road was fourth. Avengers: Age of Ultron - 2015's biggest US film so far - was fifth. I've already seen all five, and a particular scene in San Andreas, where one character was trying to attract the attention of The Rock's boat with a laser pointer, has got me thinking that it may be time to clarify my position on those things. For starters, NEVER point them at aircraft unless you're trying to get a rescue vehicle's attention, in which case you should do three short flashes, then three long flashes, then three short flashes (SOS), and try to point it away from the pilot's eyes. They're good for presentations and as a cat toy, but it's not a good idea to use lasers to gain an unfair advantage in a staring contest. Also, don't point them at wildlife. No, seriously, don't.