Baby Got Punch

The Bellend of the Month for September 2016 is David Hardy, who approached five-day-old Elsie Temple as she lay in her carry cot inside a shopping trolley then thumped her as the youngster's mother Amy Duckers looked on in horror. The baby was left extremely upset by the incident and was taken to hospital with a red mark to her face. She was kept in for seven hours before being allowed home. Hardy, from Greater Manchester, was later arrested but claimed he thought Elise was a toy and didn't realise she was an actual child. But I still wouldn't have punched her even if it was in fact a doll.

The world just got even lazier

Heil YouTube

THE BIG REVIEW: Women's rights versus gun rights

The #trumpalert is strong in this one

We beat the champions, my friends...

Manchester United returned to winning ways in the Premier League in emphatic style after four first-half goals led to the Reds beating champions Leicester City 4-1 at Old Trafford. Chris Smalling headed United into a 22nd-minute lead following a Daley Blind corner, before Juan Mata doubled the Reds' tally on 37 minutes. Two further Blind corners were met by Mata, who found Marcus Rashford for the third strike, and then Paul Pogba who made it 4-0 three minutes before the break with his first senior goal for the club. Demarai Gray pulled one back for the visitors with a stunning strike 14 minutes into the second half, but it turned out to be a mere consolation as United came away with the much-needed three points. And they still need to keep on fighting 'til the end if they want their 14th Premiership title.

Just Banksy being Banksy

It was bound to happen someday

Best Korea doesn't have best internet

On Monday afternoon, a security engineer named Matt Bryant stumbled upon a part of the Internet that is usually hidden from most of the world: a list of websites available to people with Internet access in North Korea. The total number of sites was just 28. Bryant's list includes every site ending in .kp, which is the country code associated with North Korea. About 149.9 million websites end in country codes, such .de for Germany or .cn for China. More than 10 million sites end in .cn, according to the most recent report by the domain name registry Verisign. And although it appears the North Korean Internet is not a very big place, it is not the only network available to those who do have access to connected computers north of the DMZ. According to the blog North Korea Tech, the country has an intranet called Kwangmyong, reportedly connected by fiber optic cables, available only within the country's borders. The blog, run by journalist Martyn Williams of IDG News, has reported that Kwangmyong connects libraries and universities in North Korea, citing Facebook posts by people inside North Korea and posters about the intranet seen by foreign journalists reporting from the country. Because the intranet is physically connected only within the country's borders, the blog says it is impossible for the rest of the world to hack into, or for people connected to Kwangmyong to overcome its censorship. And speaking of overcome, there are now several generic alternatives to the EpiPen now on the market, many for less than 10% of the new price. So think before you decide to raise prices on life-saving medication.

Who is buying this 13 star signs crap?

THE BIG REVIEW: Prayer - it doesn't work

Reds fall again

Substitute Juan Camilo Zuniga made a decisive impact as Watford earned a 3-1 triumph against Manchester United at Vicarage Road. The South American put the hosts 2-1 in front with seven minutes left with his first touch of the game and, in the closing seconds, earned a penalty after being felled by Marouane Fellaini - which was converted by Troy Deeney. The Reds had battled back through Marcus Rashford's leveller after falling behind to a controversial opener by Etienne Capoue in the first half but return north disappointed on a day when nothing seemed to go right. And speaking of right, I don't know if either Trump or Clinton are the right person to replace Obama. #jillb4hill #steinbaraka2016

At least Curie didn't get all in our faces with her discoveries

Seriously, Apple, increasing the size is enough

The best of this year's bunch

Exploding galaxies! More exploding Galaxies!

Samsung has an exploding phone problem, and it isn't just the Galaxy Note 7, or so claims a California man in a lawsuit filed in federal court in New Jersey last week. Daniel Ramirez says a Galaxy S7 Edge badly burned his right leg when it burst into flames in late May. Ramirez, who was working a construction job in Akron, Ohio, says he "heard a whistling and screeching sound and noticed his (right-front) pocket vibrating and moving around, as well as thick smoke ascending from his pocket," according to the 19-page suit. The Tracy, Calif., resident said he suffered second- and third-degree burns to his right upper leg and right thumb and index finger when the handset ignited his pants and "melted" them to his leg. Ramirez is seeking more than US$15,000 in compensatory and punitive damages. It's unclear what caused the handset to ignite but it could be related to the phone's battery, the root of problems with the Galaxy Note 7, says Michael Morgan, a Florida lawyer representing Ramirez. Morgan said he was aware of a similar case involving another Samsung phone. This is why I'm sticking with my iPhone 4S, which I've had since it came out in 2011. But truth time - I do have a Galaxy, but it's an S4 that I found on a bus in December and just claimed for myself. I don't use it at the moment because the charger port has since stopped working (a common complaint with this particular model) and I can't afford to get it fixed. Those who hate the iPhone 7 will be pleased to know that both phones have a headphone jack.

It's getting hot in herre, so pay off all his debt

Nelly's in some pretty big financial trouble. On Sunday, news broke that the rapper was slapped with a $2,412,283 federal tax lien back in August, and since the songsmith owes so much, the IRS could claim some of his assets and property! The 41-year-old apparently also owes $149,511 in Missouri state taxes from 2013, so that means the artist is looking at over US$2.5 MILLION in debt! And while sources say the hitmaker is working with tax authorities to settle this money mess, his fans are also doing their part to help. On Monday, SPIN did the math, and realized that Nelly needs 287,176,547 streams to pay what he owes. So, plenty of people flocked to Twitter to get the masses to #SaveNelly, posting:
*Nelly needs help* Me:IM COMING NELLY! #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/PUyWcJH6VW — Glowing Keyblade (@Tinytay19) September 13, 2016
Nelly gave us hits for the middle school dances. We owe him #SaveNelly — Daniel (@theyhatedr) September 12, 2016
Because college was so lit. #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/9qCF8Ci2Vu — RinaTurnDown (@DaHoneyDipTX) September 12, 2016
We might not be able to save the country from Trump but we can #SaveNelly. — B! J! STEINER!!! (@DocZeus) September 12, 2016
#SaveNelly That man was in the longest yard, i gotta help him out https://t.co/JWCVqGJWOx — E F R 🌐 (@AnotherRuffian) September 13, 2016
pro tip: turn your phone to mute and put on "hot in herre" while you sleep tonight. 7 hours sleep = 110 plays #hotinherrestreamingparty — jim jar-jarmusch (@bergmansbro) September 13, 2016
who didn't wear a headband plus a band-aid on the cheek in junior high? we got you bro #SaveNelly — penjani (@penjanigucci) September 13, 2016
Say no more #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/NFEmm3hx5c — WSHH FANS (@WORIDSTARHIPH0P) September 13, 2016
I'm over here trying to pay Nelly's IRS bill while my bills continue to stack. Don't ever call me selfish. #SaveNelly — Deandre Moore (@IAmDeandreMoore) September 13, 2016
I turned on Hot in Herre on @AppleMusic and will leave it on repeat for the rest of the night. Join me #SaveNelly — Martenzie Johnson (@Martenzie) September 12, 2016

Plus, a lot of people want to make up for Harambe the gorilla's death by getting Nelly out of debt:
I couldn't save Harambe but goddamnit I'm saving you @Nelly_Mo #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/wzFOHOCVZo — (@SadderDre) September 13, 2016
We let Harambe down. As a society we should refuse to let Nelly down — arjun (@funwithjun) September 13, 2016
Y'all got my mans Harambe, you won't get Nelly too!! https://t.co/UdXzDPjv3k — The Most Lit (@RashadStark) September 13, 2016
We have to get Nelly out of debt. Harambe died for this. https://t.co/UCwzeyLbwK — Zac (@zacattac) September 13, 2016
Stream Hot in Herre on a loop to help Nelly pay off his IRS debt! It's what the #ClintonBodyDouble and #Harambe would want — Gwen Clarke (@GwenCIarke) September 13, 2016

Are YOU going to help #SaveNelly from debt?! Personally, I won't because I feel he should have prepared for his tax debt while his music was in.

THE BIG REVIEW: Why 9/11 really happened

Stupid will never die

City ruins unbeaten run on derby day

Manchester City took the spoils in the 172nd derby after withstanding Manchester United’s valiant attempt to battle back from two goals down in an absorbing clash at Old Trafford. Kevin De Bruyne and Kelechi Iheanacho had given the Blues a two-goal lead in a first half that they dominated, but Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s super strike just before the break – his fourth in his first four league games – changed the momentum of the contest. United were much the better team in the second period but, despite battering on debutant goalkeeper Claudio Bravo’s door, the equaliser would not come and it was the blue half of Manchester who took the bragging rights. With both sides going into the game with 100 per cent Premier League records so far, the atmosphere before kick-off was unsurprisingly electric. But though Paul Pogba curled an early shot just over from 20 yards after a lightning break, it was City who bossed the rest of the half. But Mourinho can still redeem himself - it's overall performance that wins the Premiership, not just one game like in the FA Cup.

Daylight come and the button don't go home

The home button on the iPhone has so many different essential functions that Apple can’t just remove it. But starting with the iPhone 7, the home button is changing. It’s no longer a physical button. Instead, it’s a capacitive button that gives you the impression that you’re pressing a regular button with the help of a new Taptic Engine. That means the home button will retain almost all its features, and it’ll even gain some new ones. However, it also means a crucial iPhone feature is changing this year. When all else fails with an iOS device, you can force a reboot by holding down two buttons simultaneously. The power/standby button and the home button. However, starting with the iPhone 7, that particular combination will no longer work. It’s likely that the iPhone needs to be turned on so that the new home button works as intended. If a phone is frozen, it won’t recognize home button presses so the old combo simply isn’t possible. So what does one do now? Apple is replacing this gesture with a different one: You’ll have to hold the power/standby button and the volume down button simultaneously to force a reboot, or to put the iPhone 7 in DFU mode. That said, the home button on the iPhone 7 still retains the same features you expect it from it, including Touch ID, Apple Pay, Siri, multitasking, and Reachability. The home button can also still be used to get out of apps and return to the home screen, and can be used to take a screenshot. It will be customized to support other actions in the future as well, but Apple has yet to detail them. To take a screenshot, you’ll still have to press the power/standby button and the home button at the same time, just like you do now. The difference between taking screenshots and rebooting is that the iPhone is powered on while you’re grabbing a screen. But that's not why I'm staying with my 4S. Here's why: the price tag and the lack of headphone jack. Also, planned obsolescence. It's how Apple make money. But they make a damn good phone in the process.

To boldly go where no franchise has gone before

There is such a thing as too far and Apple just went there

In Loving Memory

TRS HEADPHONE JACK

1964-2016

But Apple can still go further:

China not feeling the iLove this time round

Judging by the volume of online chatter, there’s a lot less buzz in China ahead of this week’s expected launch of the new Apple iPhone, and people on the street say they’re more likely to “wait and see” what the latest device offers than rush out to buy. Posts on China‘s popular Sina Weibo microblogging site show the iPhone 6, which took China by storm in 2014 with its new, larger screen, attracted around 15 times more comments in the month before launch than this year’s model. The muted online anticipation for the iPhone 7 underlines the challenge Apple faces to revive growth in China, where an economic slowdown has slammed the brakes on what was once touted as the firm’s next big growth engine. I have an idea: how about not putting out a new model each year?

THE BIG REVIEW: The differences between rugby and soccer

Good luck trying to find the studio they taped it at

This man is why stingrays need to go - 44 is too soon to die

It won't stop the police brutality though

Android no more?

On the face of it, Android seems like a very successful platform. It's the operating system that powers 85 percent of the new smartphones shipped, and, along with iOS, has decisively crushed the competition. But Android is also plagued by dogged problems that Google can't seem to solve. First off, there's the issue of fragmentation, which means that developers have to create software that will work reliably on many hundreds of different devices from dozens of manufacturers. Sure, developers could just focus on devices from the big players - and some, such as Salesforce, are already doing just that - but that defeats the purpose of having a platform in the first place. Then, there's the update problem. Google has a yearly release schedule in place for Android, but it takes the new version a good part of a year to break the 10-percent usage mark. And it takes about four years for a release to fully penetrate the ecosystem. Four years is a crazy long time in tech, and while Google is speedy at getting new releases onto its Nexus hardware, it can take months for owners of Android devices from other manufacturers to start seeing the update. And many never see the update. In fact, outside of buying a Nexus device, the easiest way to get your hands on a new Android release is to buy a new device. And you wonder why Android smartphone sales are so buoyant. So, dominant market share aside, it's clear that Android has suffered from some extremely severe problems. Many of the problems facing Android come down to it being open source. Android is all about being open, which means that once Google has released a new version, the OEMs and carriers are free to tinker with it to their hearts' content. That then results in both the fragmentation (OEMs loading the code onto any and every device form factor they can think of), and the problems with updates (Google can't push Android direct to devices because heavens knows what modifications and tinkering have been done, both cosmetic and structural, to the code). Another problem with Android is that it's based on Linux, and Linux is both old and plagued by legal issues. The Linux kernel was never designed for smartphones and IoT devices, and yet here we are shoe-horning it onto these devices. Sure, the kernel's been furiously tweaked, but tweaking can only go so far, especially when you're trying to optimize power consumption or when a platform that can run in real-time is required (the Linux kernel isn't real-time and instead uses a scheduler). Also, all that legacy code is the perfect breeding ground for bugs and vulnerabilities. The legal issues, specifically intellectual property licensing issues, are a real thorn in the side for those making Android devices. Companies such as Microsoft pulling in billions of dollars in licensing fees from Android hardware OEMs, which eats into the already razor-thin profit margins. A totally new, built from the ground-up platform could free OEMs from being shackled to expensive patent licensing deals. And Google is working on new platforms. Take, for example, Project Fuchsia. Sure, it's early days, but it's clear that Google is looking to an era beyond the Linux kernel, and the end of the Linux kernel ultimately means the end of Android. This operating system not only could be built from the ground up so as to be optimized for today's devices, but it would also be free from IP headaches. It could also be modular in nature allowing for it to be customized for different applications - from the desktop and laptops to smartphones and even small IoT devices. It would be a truly unified platform. Google could license this platform to hardware developers, as opposed to using the open source model. Licensing would give Google greater control over the hardware that Android was loaded onto. No more junk that can barely run the OS. No more devices being launched running years-old releases with no hope of an update. This would truly be a platform for the 21st century. Don't expect this to happen anytime soon, as operating systems take time to develop. But equally, don't think that Android is going to be around forever. Android has some serious shortcomings that Google is well aware of, and the fact that it isn't making much effort to fix these issues is perhaps the strongest evidence - along with the company's declared interest in developing new platforms - that such work is ongoing. How long until we see an Android replacement? I'd guesstimate something in the region of five years, but a company such as Google has the resources to make it happen much quicker. But it could also lose interest in the idea and decide that Android is good enough as it is. But for now, I have a good idea for a replacement - get an iPhone.

Time to spring into action, people!

After a century of shooing away hunters, tending to trails, and helping visitors enjoy the wonder of the natural world, the guardians of America’s most treasured places have been handed an almost unimaginable new job – slowing the all-out assault climate change is waging against national parks across the nation. As the National Parks Service (NPS) has charted the loss of glaciers, sea level rise, and increase in wildfires spurred by rising temperatures in recent years, the scale of the threat to US heritage across the 412 national parks and monuments has become starkly apparent. As the National Parks Service turns 100 this week, their efforts to chart and stem the threat to the country’s history faces a daunting task. America’s grand symbols and painstakingly preserved archaeological sites are at risk of being winnowed away by the crashing waves, wildfires, and erosion triggered by warming temperatures. The Statue of Liberty is at “high exposure” risk from increasingly punishing storms. A national monument dedicated to abolitionist Harriet Tubman, who will be enshrined on a new $20 note, could be eaten away by rising tides in Maryland. The land once walked by Pocahontas and Captain John Smith in Jamestown, the first English settlement in the US, is surrounded by waters rising at twice the global average and may be beyond rescue. These threats are the latest in a pile of identified calamities to befall national parks and monuments due to climate change. Receding ice, extreme heat, and acidifying oceans are morphing America’s landscapes and coasts at a faster pace than at any time in human history. Come on, people. There is still hope, but for any good to come out of this, we need to stop polluting. That includes you, Big whatever it is you're poisoning our planet with.