Smokers on a Plane

The Bellend of the Month for December 2017 is Valerie Curbelo, who was arrested for an incident on a Southwest Airlines flight on the 10th. The airline says it all started with a cigarette that Curbelo was smoking in the bathroom somewhere between Portland and Sacramento, and according to the airline, she had gone so far as to tamper with the smoke detector. So a flight attendant barged in on the woman - this at least got her out of the bathroom, but it did little else to improve the situation on Flight 2943. Curbelo then proceeded to rip an oxygen mask out of the ceiling as crew forced her back to her seat, and indeed, a mask appears to dangle in the plane aisle as seen in a video of the ensuing tirade. “I have a destination for myself!” she yells as a passenger behind her looks up from his tablet and stares. She is wearing a hat, sunglasses, and overcoat, and collecting her belongings as if to disembark the midair flight. “I swear, if you don’t . . . land,” the woman says, as a flight attendant blocks her from the aisle, “I will f—ing kill everybody on this f—ing plane!” “You will not,” the attendant says. “You will not.” “I will!” A scuffle in the aisle ends the video. The man who took it told reporters that the woman had to be restrained by passengers and crew for the next half-hour. Meanwhile, the airline said, pilots called in an emergency and landed in Sacramento, somehow more or less on schedule. Sheriff’s deputies were waiting at the airport, where they arrested Curbelo on a felony charge of making a death threat and jailed her on $75,000 bail. Next time, I just wouldn't smoke on board.

Why Trump really wants climate change

  

History always repeats

 

That's so ravens

Ho Ho but no third Ho

Jesse Lingard was United's saviour on Boxing Day, as the half-time substitute scored twice to cancel out a shock advantage gleaned for Burnley by Ashley Barnes's second-minute opener and Steven Defour's free-kick. Lingard pulled the first goal back with a clever backheeled finish from a low Ashley Young cross in the 53rd minute but the Reds were made to wait until injury time for his point-saving second strike, a low finish arrowed into the net after the Clarets failed to clear a corner. There has always been a fierce rivalry between United and Burnley and games have invariably been feisty occasions. This latest encounter against one of Lancashire’s most famous clubs got off to an explosive start when the Clarets took the lead in only the third minute, but it's going to suck for them in the long run if they get relegated.

CHRISTMAS SURVIVAL GUIDE: How to get Boxing Day to live up to its name

Quickest way to 2018's nice list

 

Reds foxed out

There was to be no early Christmas present for Manchester United fans as despite having numerous opportunities to secure three points, a stoppage time Harry Maguire goal meant the Reds had to settle for a 2-2 draw against 10-man Leicester City at the King Power Stadium. Jose Mourinho's men dominated the game and should have been out of sight after Juan Mata's brace cancelled out Jamie Vardy's opener and when Daniel Amartey was shown red late on for two fouls in quick succession the game looked won, but Maguire popped up at the back post to secure an unlikely point for the hosts with virtually the last kick of the game. But there is still the first months of 2018 in which to improve their position on the table.

CHRISTMAS SURVIVAL GUIDE: Bored of turkey? Try another animal!

Ho Ho No

 

The Pork of Shame

 

Octopus is master of his domain

 

Hipster Flintstones

 

Baggies bagged again on home turf

Manchester United picked up three more vital points after a narrow, but deserving, 2-1 win over a battling West Bromwich Albion side at The Hawthorns on Sunday. The Reds grabbed a third consecutive away win in the Premier League as two goals in eight first-half minutes from Romelu Lukaku and Jesse Lingard were enough for the three points, despite substitute Gareth Barry scrambling the ball home late on. Jose Mourinho made three changes following the win over Bournemouth in midweek with Ashley Young, Ander Herrera, and Marcus Rashford all coming in. It was a strange coincidence that the fixture list threw up a trip to The Hawthorns for the Reds on exactly the same date as last season – 17 December. A year ago to the day, a brace from Zlatan Ibrahimovic ensured a routine 2-0 victory for United and the Reds started in postive fashion this time around with much of the early ball possession. But there's more to it than coincidences - there's this thing other teams have been known to try known as putting the ball in the back of the net.

Disney got Fox

  

To live and die by Leviticus

 

Really puts the Indian in Indian giver, don't it?

 

Pickin' off the Cherries

Manchester United bounced back from the disappointment of the derby as a Romelu Lukaku header secured a 1-0 win over a stubborn Bournemouth at Old Trafford. United had a 40-match unbeaten home run in all competitions ended by Manchester City on Sunday, but got back to winning ways thanks to a first-half Lukaku bullet header. Substitute Marcus Rashford rattled the crossbar midway through the second period, but the single goal was enough for the vital three points. But it's going to take them a lot more to get to the top and win their first Premiership since 2013.

Two words: better calendar

 

It'll be all write on the white

 

Blue panic at derby

Manchester United slipped 11 points behind Manchester City in the race for the Premier League title after agonisingly losing 2-1 in a fiery derby at Old Trafford. This was a match in which records were inevitably set to be broken one way or another. United were looking to set a new club standard of 41 home matches unbeaten in all competitions - a sequence which ironically began after a 2-1 defeat against City in last season's first derby. The Blues, meanwhile, came into this game unbeaten away from home all season and were looking to break the record for successive Premier League wins in a single season. David Silva put the visitors ahead shortly before half-time following a corner, before Marcus Rashford levelled matters just four minutes later, capitalising on Fabian Delph's mistake in first-half injury time. Nicolas Otamendi grabbed the bragging rights for City nine minutes into the second half as he poked home after the ball fell fortunately to him after a Kevin De Bruyne free-kick was only cleared into his path. The heroic Ederson denied Romelu Lukaku and Juan Mata with a stunning double save late on as City hung on. It might have been City's day but it can still be United's year.

Think before you pop

The trap has been set...

Aaaaaaand... Nobody cares

 

Looks like Freddy really did get fingered after all

 

100 years of perkele and the worst food in Europe

Whether being eaten or being watched, chips is love

 

It all

 

Gunnin' the Gunners

Manchester United claimed a first Premier League win for three years over Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium in an enthralling encounter which featured great goals, a red card, and a David De Gea masterclass. A goal from Antonio Valencia and a brace from the in-form Jesse Lingard were enough to see off an Arsenal side who had not lost at home since January. But the Reds' superb victory was down in no small part to De Gea, who was in scintillating form. The only negative of the afternoon was the red card for Paul Pogba, who will miss the next three matches including next Sunday's huge derby clash. But I'm sure they can pull another win together without him.

I has cheezburger!

 

Baby by EA

 

All hail Electronic "Arts"

The Bellend of the Month for November 2017 is EA.

 

        

But here's an image that won't cost $29.99 - Manchester United netted four goals on the road - including two in six minutes from Ashley Young - to see off Watford and keep the pressure on rivals Manchester City. Anthony Martial's fine first-half finish made it 3-0 for half-time and Jessie Lingard's stunning second-half solo goal ensured the Reds shrugged off an attempted comeback from the Hornets. This victory, United's third successive win in the Premier League, reduced the gap at the top to five points, ahead of City’s game against Southampton.

It's all in the kneels

 

Cans sing because they can

 

But most importantly, he keep grass bacc

 

Dunked at the goals

Ashley Young's deflected effort, which will probably go down as an own goal by Lewis Dunk, was enough for Manchester United to secure a vital, but hard-fought 1-0 win over a dogged Brighton at Old Trafford. The Reds were frustrated for over an hour of the game, with the visitors stifling United's attempted attacking forrays, but Young's 25-yard effort hit Dunk and found its way into the far corner to secure a crucial three points. Jose Mourinho opted to start with the same starting XI that impressively dispatched Newcastle last week. The only changes from that outing saw Henrikh Mkhitaryan and Scott McTominay recalled to the matchday squad. But it doesn't matter who you've got on your squad as long as they can pull together a win.

Time to get doggin'

 

Go vax yourself

About 50 employees of Essentia Health, an upper-Midwest hospital chain, didn’t go to work Wednesday. But it wasn’t an early start to the Thanksgiving holiday for them. They were fired for refusing to get flu shots. It’s part of a growing trend for hospitals to require flu shots for workers. Public health experts say it shouldn’t be surprising. “It’s a patient safety issue,” said Dr. William Schaffner, an infectious disease expert at Vanderbilt University and a spokesman for the Infectious Diseases Society of America. “It’s so that we do not give flu to our patients.” Hospital workers can pass the flu virus to some of the most vulnerable people — frail elderly, babies in incubators, patients with immune systems ravaged by cancer treatment. Vaccinating employees protects patients and the employees’ co-workers. But it also causes autism so unless you want on the spectrum, DON'T DO IT.

Spoken like a true cop

  

Wishing two inbreeders another 70 years of cousin lovin'

 

Touched by an Angel - For Real!

 

Della Reese (pictured), the actress and gospel-influenced singer who in middle age found her greatest fame as Tess, the wise angel in the long-running television drama “Touched by an Angel,” has died at age 86.

Reese’s co-star on the series, Roma Downey, said in a statement that the actress died peacefully Sunday evening in her home in the Los Angeles area. No further details were included.

Before “Touched by an Angel” debuted in 1994, Reese was mainly known as a singer, although she had costarred on “Chico and the Man,” ‘’Charlie and Company” and “The Royal Family.”

Reese was a TV groundbreaker, according to the Television Academy: She was the first African-American woman to host her own talk show, “Della,” which aired 1969-70, and in 1970 became the first black woman to be tapped as a guest host for Johnny Carson on “The Tonight Show.”

It was “Touched by an Angel” that endeared her to viewers, although the drama wasn’t an instant hit. The story of an apprentice angel (Roma Downey) and her supervisor (Reese) being sent to Earth to solve people’s problems appeared to have little chance in a TV world dominated by sitcoms and police dramas.

The first season brought mediocre ratings, but slowly the CBS show’s audience grew until it became one of television’s highest-rated dramas. It lasted until 2003.

“Through her life and work she touched and inspired the lives of millions of people. She was a mother to me and I had the privilege of working with her side by side for so many years on ‘Touched By An Angel,’” Downey wrote in a statement. “I know heaven has a brand new angel this day.”

Snickers, please!

 

United against United

The returning Paul Pogba inspired Manchester United with a goal and an assist as the Reds came from behind to beat Newcastle United 4-1 under the bright lights of Old Trafford. Jose Mourinho admitted before the match that his side had missed the influence of his big stars and Pogba, who had been absent since the opening Champions League match against Basel on 12 September, played a pivotal role throughout. He first set up Anthony Martial's leveller after the Reds fell behind early to a Dwight Gayle strike. Chris Smalling turned it around seconds before half-time, heading in Ashley Young's cross, before Pogba put the game to bed with a second-half tap-in. Romelu Lukaku then grabbed his first Reds goal in eight games late on, smashing in the fourth of the night, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic made his long-awaited return to action with 13 minutes to go, to the delight of the Old Trafford crowd. And there will be even more delight when the Reds take back the silverware for the first time since 2012-13.

Don't need it =/= don't care #beaware

 

Salami got mould

 

Red Luigi and green Mario

 

Here Come the Hounds

 

Punching on 131

The origins of the hole punch date back to Germany via Matthias Theel, where two early patents for a device designed to "punch holes in paper" have since been discovered. Friedrich Soennecken filed his patent on November 14, 1886, for his Papierlocher für Sammelmappen.

Wanna know why ninja weapons are so popular in Japan?

 

Spacey played guitar

 

I'd give that comeback an A

 

And that's Higgins gone