Popcorn could get a cap popped in your head

That is, if you eat it too loudly, which brings us to the topic of the Bellend of the Month for February 2011: Nikolajs Zikovs. Zikovs shot four times while killing Aigars Egle after Egle reportedly ate his popcorn too loudly during a showing of Black Swan at a Forum Cinemas multiplex in Riga (the capital of Latvia). Egle, a father of four, died in front of his 14-year-old daughter. I understand Black Swan is supposed to be quite intense but this is not what its director, Darren Aronofsky, had in mind. I would have probably done the same thing to a guy who was repeatedly talking on his cellphone during a movie but eating popcorn too loudly is not that big a deal.

Glory, Glory, Man United...

The final score against Wigan this morning at DW Stadium was 4-0. Two of Man United's goals were scored by Javier Hernandez, who got the only yellow card of the whole match, and one goal each went to Wayne Rooney and Fabio da Silva.

Apple seems to have bolted to the scene

Intel's brand new Thunderbolt technology has finally made it to one electronic product - it's called the Macbook Pro. Thunderbolt is Intel's new input/output technology that promises to bring transfer speeds that exceed what is currently available with USB 3.0, as well as extending that speed across several devices at once. The protocol will appear as an extra port on all new Macbook Pros and could soon find itself on more computers. But if Thunderbolt is to succeed, it must replace single-use types of connectors such as HDMI, DisplayPort (which requires more than double the initial 10 Gb/s in its higher end incarnations), eSATA, at least some uses of Ethernet, and ultimately, the smaller and slower speed USB devices as the cost of a Thunderbolt connector comes down.

Texas - the stereotypical red state

Texas is stereotyped as one of the most right-wing states in America, and now they are just reinforcing that stereotype by allowing universities' students and faculty to pack heat on campus. Too bad you might not be able to blow Amy Chua's brains out (she may be one of the worst parents in the world but that's no reason to shoot anyone and besides, she lives thousands of miles away in Connecticut) but having guns on campus may well make college life a lot safer. Of course guns may be a precursor to violence but there is also the Second Amendment (the constitutional guarantee of the right to keep and bear arms) to consider. I'm not a big fan of guns, but I'm on the fence because if everyone else on campus is packing heat, then I'd better do so just in case something really nasty goes down.

North Korea could be next

It has swept across the other side of the world, starting on 17 December when an angry, unemployed man set fire to himself after police stopped him selling vegetables on the streets. First Tunisia. Then Egypt. And Iran, Yemen, Jordan, Bahrain, Algeria, Morocco and now - most bloodily, it is feared - Libya. Revolution in some; protests or civil uprisings in others. China and North Korea could be next, but I'm sure something that drastic wouldn't be what the Mayans had in mind for the prophesised big apocalypse next year.

Happy 70th birthday, plutonium!

But seriously, this blog doesn't usually honour the anniversary of an element's discovery.

These are some pretty gay circumstances

I mean, not homosexual gay, but my-parents-are-chaperoning-the-dance gay (rather controversial quote from a movie called The Dilemma). And while we're on the topic of gay, the Dunedin City Council's i-Site Visitor Centre needs to stop labelling the Inch Bar (a cafe in the North East Valley) as a gay bar. Patrons and staff have been abused since the bar at the Gardens started being promoted as a gay bar by i-Site staff two years ago. The owners spoke to them then and were given assurances it would stop, but last week, customers were abused and called "homo faggots" by a passing motorist.

This misunderstanding might be a result of a previous owner starting the cafe in 1992 under the name Homo Espresso. But the Inch Bar is not, nor has it ever been, a gay bar. If gay people are coming down just because of what they heard about the place from the i-Site, then they're just coming for an experience that the establishment cannot provide. The i-Site needs to clean up their act otherwise the Inch Bar could one day have the Westboro Baptist Church picketing their establishment and fuelling even more vitriolic abuse towards the staff and patrons.

Please shoes wisely

Mubarak says he'll give more authority to his vice president but reiterates that he'll stay in office until September. The protesters want him out now and have taken to waving shoes in the air; in Islam, this is seen as a sign of contempt and many non-Islamic people first saw it when Bush was visiting Iraq a few years ago and somebody threw shoes at him. As long as the elections do go ahead and are clean, fair, and above board, I can take it either way.

It seems blogging makes you clever

In October, some bellend named Andrew Marr made a comment about bloggers being inadequate, pimpled, and single. But as it turns out, blogging makes you clever. A school in Britain introduced a blogging program and the results have been incredible. The internet has turned writing from chore to score, with boys becoming an average of 75% more clever. So it turns out that that bellend is wrong.

50 stars, 13 stripes, one better day for mankind everywhere

A new Obama administration policy on Internet freedom, seen by some as an attempt to meddle in the internal affairs of other countries, will help people get around barriers in cyberspace while making it harder for autocratic governments to use the same technology to repress dissent. America has been good to the world over the years by providing great TV shows like Family Guy to broadcasters around the world (one area in which the British continually fail miserably but sometimes the odd gem does slip through like what happened with Mr Bean) while at the same time fattening the global populace up with restaurants like McDonald's and KFC, and America is now helping people in oppressive Internet environments get around filters, stay one step ahead of the censors, the hackers, and the thugs who beat them up or imprison them for what they say online. Although not aimed solely at China, the new efforts are in part intended to help users circumvent the so-called Great Firewall, a far-reaching menu of direct censorship and “opinion guidance” that restricts what the country’s 450 million Internet users can read or write online. However, some have criticized the US for not pouring funding into a single technology, but there is no silver bullet in the struggle against Internet repression, and besides, if repressive governments figure out how to target one tool, others will be available.

What will those Ivy Leaguers think of next?

One of the world's worst parents works at the nearby law school (and yes I do mean that bellend Amy Chua), but a way better team at Yale University in the US has built the world's first anti-laser — or coherent perfect absorber (CPA). The device, constructed from silicon, absorbs light and dissipates the energy as heat. It's pretty impressive and could make a newer and more environmentally friendly heat source in the near future, but it won't be so good at thwarting laser-based weapons because the energy is dissipated as heat, therefore, use is limited against laser weapons since the heat would damage the target anyway.

Takin' it to the tweets

South African President Jacob Zuma had urged people to use Twitter and Facebook to suggest what his annual state-of-the-nation speech last week should focus on, and plugging potholes and creating jobs were the most common suggestions. As a result of this publicity stunt, South Africa is now going to spend over 20 million rand and create 70,000 jobs to fix potholes. This publicity stunt is going to make the roads a lot safer but there are some better ideas, for instance, they could melt down all their vuvuzelas and use the plastic to fill in the holes. Or maybe the tyres that some bellends there are saving up for a barbaric activity called necklacing (the practice of filling a rubber tyre with petrol, forcing it around the victim's chest and arms, and lighting it on fire causing them to burn to death) could be put to better use in helping to fill up the holes in the roads. Or maybe people could save themselves by giving up smoking and putting whatever's left of their tobacco to good use plugging up a pothole near them. Or, because South Africa has some of the most liberal abortion laws on the continent, the aborted foetuses could be buried in the holes. Or if they just want to use bitumen to plug up the holes, that's their choice too.

Move over Apple, widescreen is in the hizzouse!

That's right, Apple's dominance in the tablet market could soon feel the mighty spray of the Karcher that is wielded by some companies that are making widescreen tablets designed with the movie-watcher in mind. If Apple's next-generation iPad doesn't go widescreen, then it could be lost among the competition because shipments of tablets are expected to triple over last year. Applications such as e-mail and gaming may work well with the current 4:3 aspect ratio, but with movies and recent TV series, iPad viewers will have to choose between bars along the top and bottom or having the sides cut off.

Dictators will soon get their comeuppance

Recent protests in the Arab world have already ousted two regimes (Egypt and Tunisia), brought changes to Jordan's government, and have now spread outside the Arab world. There could soon be an "Egypt effect" in the former Soviet Union but I hope it then spreads to China and North Korea because those two countries need a regime change way more than any Arab country, and maybe it will finally spread to Cuba and knock down Castro's regime (and probably bring Cuban goods like cigars back onto the American market).

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Man United back to winning ways in déjà vu of last week’s scoreline

Man U bounced back from total humiliation at the hands of the Wolves to a final scoreline of 2-1 at Old Trafford this morning, this time it was a defeat of Man City. Man U’s goals were scored by Nani and Wayne Rooney, Man City’s goal was scored by David Silva, and four yellow cards were shown.

We've been here for eleven months

And it appears Mubarak has resigned and handed power over to the Egyptian Army. From past experience, if the army is left to control a country, then there's trouble ahead. For instance, the election scheduled in September might not go ahead or if it does, it might be rigged. I just know that the junta will run Egypt into the ground like Bainimarama did to Fiji or Gaddafi did to Libya. But I hope the mess can be sorted out.

Guitar Hero, meet Karcher

And be prepared for the powerful spray of the latter! That's right, the bellends who brought that stupid game onto the market (Activision Blizzard Inc, who also make Call of Duty) are finally realising that nobody wants to be playing Guitar Hero anymore. And besides, music games are more expensive than shoot-em-ups because with shoot-em-ups, you only need a special gun (or you can use the controllers you've already got if it lets you) but with games like Guitar Hero, you need special controllers that work like music instruments, and if you're bored with the songs you've got, then sometimes your game system will let you download more. But it's time to move forward.

So a Congressman resigned over a shirtless pic

That's not really news.

At least he kept his electoral promise of change

Barack Obama promised change and change is what we got - it has reportedly been a year since he last smoked. He never really did it in front of his family but that habit was still worth Karchering because growing tobacco is a waste of land and resources that could be used for growing food, the paper for wrapping the cigarettes in is an unnecessary waste of paper, smoking the tobacco is bad for the environment and your health, and those greedy tobacco companies can really mess about with a low-income family's food budget. I just hope others can stub it out before it stubs their life out.

Goodbye Wikileaks, Hello Openleaks

As WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange fights extradition to Sweden to face allegations of sexual wrongdoing, a dozen of his former colleagues are creating an alternative Web site for leaks to be governed by what they characterize as a revised vision of radical transparency. This is an example of just how tenacious man can be. George Bush didn't give up after losing the popular vote, no good sports teams give up after losing, and Wikileaks aren't giving up either. As the popular saying goes, when God closes a door, he opens a window, and Wikileaks are taking advantage of the opened window, just like I would even though I don't believe in the God that may or may not have closed the door in the first place.

No sumo for Osaka next month

That's because the unethical practice of match-fixing has crept into the traditional Japanese sport of sumo wrestling. Cancelling a tournament isn't necessarily the best solution for match-fixing but it does mean less matches to fix. One association executive has hinted that the association will expel 14 wrestlers if they are proven to have been involved in match-fixing, and I hope the wrestlers are expelled if found guilty of such a heinous act.

I hope the Wolves enjoyed their feast this morning

The Wolverhampton Wanderers deserve my respect – sure they may be bellends (as 19 of the 20 Premier League teams are), but any team that just hangs in there for 90 minutes might well have the courage to beat Man United one day. And that day was the day before the 53rd anniversary of eleven Man U players losing their lives in the Munich air disaster (local time).

The final score at Molineux Stadium was 2-1 to the Wolves. George Elokobi and Kevin Doyle were responsible for the Wolves’ goals, and Man U’s goal was from Nani. Four yellow cards were shown.

Looks like we’re not the only ones not taking a stand against tobacco

I saw the movie Wild Target today. Before it, they left the British Board of Film Classification label on, and the rating given out was 12A, which means that children under 12 can get in if supervised by an adult. But enough about that: one sight that would grind the gears of any Harry Potter fan would be a few scenes where a character played by Rupert Grint (who played Ron Weasley in all eight Harry Potter movies) was smoking. I’m actually more concerned about the children who will probably want to see the film just for Rupert Grint because they might either take up smoking “because Ron Weasley does it” or think less of the Harry Potter franchise as a whole. In Britain, local councils can alter any film’s rating and bind all cinemas within their jurisdiction to their decisions, and the least they could’ve done was bump up the rating to 15 (the next one up and it means that nobody under 15 is allowed in full stop) so as not to destroy the Harry Potter franchise’s reputation.

Looks like Mubarak's on his way out

Hosni Mubarak, along with the underarm bowling incident, the Springbok tour, and awful TV programs like Dynasty, was what made 1981 one of the worst years in the history of our planet, and finally, after 30 long years, he has finally decided not to seek a sixth term as President of Egypt. The only reason he even got a first term is because of Egypt's unique method of choosing the candidates: each candidate is pre-approved by at least two-thirds of the People's Assembly, and for Mubarak's first four terms, he was the only one that passed this first stage. So in 1981, 1987, 1993, and 1999, the vote was just for whether or not the people wanted him in Abdeen Palace (Egypt's version of the White House).

I think Amy Chua did turn one of her kids into a psycho with her bad parenting

Either that or it's the New York Post being the inferior-to-the-New-York-Times paper it is. Read the bull here.

Man U win again

The score against Aston Villa at Old Trafford was 3-1 with two goals by Wayne Rooney and one by Nemanja Vidic. Villa’s goal was by Darren Bent. No yellow or red cards were shown over the course of the match.

Let's take a moment of silence

That's right, a moment of silence is necessary to commemorate the thirtieth anniversary of one of the worst things to ever happen on a cricket field. That's right, I'm talking about some bellend named Trevor Chappell. He did not need to bowl the final ball underarm because being six runs behind, there was no way the Black Caps could have won with just one ball to go. Australia could still have won by playing fairly because nobody had hit a single six the whole match, and Chappell got two batsmen out while bowling correctly in the previous over he bowled in. His action during the final ball was an act of true cowardice, and I for one consider it appropriate that the Australian team were wearing yellow (and yes, the Aussie teams still wear yellow - and that applies to most of their sub-par national sides in just about every team sport).