Stupidest. Pranks. Ever.

The co-Bellends of the Month for December 2015 are the jerks behind this video.

And now, to boldly wait like no man has waited before

THE BIG REVIEW: Man United's failing form

Manchester United and Chelsea played out a 0-0 draw under the floodlights at Old Trafford, as the Reds stayed in sixth place in the Barclays Premier League. Both sides had clear opportunities to win the game and Louis van Gaal’s men will be frustrated not to have capitalised on some fine first-half play. The boss was given a much-needed boost before kick-off with both Bastian Schweinsteiger and Matteo Darmian returning to the side, following suspension and injury respectively. Wayne Rooney and Morgan Schneiderlin were also reinstated to the Reds' XI as Memphis Dupay, Michael Carrick, Marouane Fellaini, and Phil Jones all moved to the bench. But a single point just doesn't cut it. There needs to be either a return to winning ways or a change in management.

Dylan gets a second Chance

A grief-stricken British couple whose boxer died in June 2015 successfully cloned their dead dog after taking its DNA to a commercial dog-cloning service. Laura Jacques and Richard Remde paid US$100,000 (NZ$146,000) to enlist the services of Sooam Biotech Research Foundation in South Korea, reports the Guardian. A boxer puppy was delivered by a surrogate dog on Boxing Day following a successful procedure.  The couple have named the male puppy Chance. They are expecting another cloned puppy to be ready in a few days, which will be named Shadow. Both names are drawn from characters in Disney movie Homeward Bound. It's great to see Dylan get a second Chance, but Louis van Gaal won't if Manchester United don't deliver against Chelsea tomorrow.

Loser van Gaal loses again

Goals from Bojan Krkic and Marko Arnautovic inflicted a Boxing Day defeat on Manchester United, meaning the Reds are now without a win in seven matches across all competitions. Louis van Gaal described the fixture at the Britannia Stadium as a must-win ahead of kick-off but the Reds were disappointingly outplayed by a flourishing Stoke City managed by Mark Hughes, the former United striker whose second season at the Britannia Stadium is going from strength-to-strength. Wayne Rooney also spoke admirably about galvanising the squad on Christmas Eve and admitted this match could become a defining moment in the season, yet the captain watched the first half from the substitute’s bench after the boss started Ander Herrera ahead of him for “tactical reasons”. It was the Spaniard who registered the first shot at goal, with a 20-yard drive that was saved by Jack Butland. This is another three points gone begging no thanks to what is basically a carbon copy of David Moyes. Loser van Gaal needs to leave like right now.

Jingle bells, ISIS bells

Do the words "First Order" mean anything to you naughty people out there?

There was not enough room on board to swing a cat

Here comes Anta Claus, here comes Anta Claus, right down Anta Claus Lane

THE BIG REVIEW: Blatter and Platini

Those two just got themselves suspended from all soccer for eight years. It serves them right.

ICERD turns 50 today

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear ICERD

Happy birthday to you

That's right, today is the 50th anniversary of the adoption of the International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination.

Reds can't has victory

Manchester United’s winless run was extended to six games as Norwich City claimed a shock Barclays Premier League victory at Old Trafford. Louis van Gaal’s team dominated proceedings once again but were stunned by breakaway goals either side of half-time from Cameron Jerome and Alex Tettey. Anthony Martial pulled one back with 25 minutes to go but, despite late pressure, the Canaries held on to record their first-ever Premier League victory at Old Trafford and inflict the Reds’ first home defeat over 90 minutes this season. Wayne Rooney returned to make his 500th appearance, as van Gaal made four changes to his starting line-up with Chris Smalling, Phil Jones, and Ashley Young also back. But that's not necessarily the way to make a winning team - you just have to keep putting the ball in the back of the net. Seriously, the fans deserve better like they got under Sir Alex Ferguson.

Cancer for the con

A mother has been arrested in Texas and is being accused of shaving her 7-year-old daughter's head and fraudulently claiming the child had cancer. The Hidalgo County Sheriff's Office said 46-year-old Juanita Garcia had organized multiple fundraisers to obtain money she claimed was needed for her daughter's cancer treatments. Garcia would tell people in person and on social media that the child was terminal and had only months to live. She also shaved her daughter's head and convinced her she was suffering from the disease. Investigators said the girl was actually in perfect health, and Garcia admitted during questioning that she had made up the cancer story to scam money out of generous strangers. This is why people need to verify and confirm information from fundraisers that they choose to participate in. In many cases, asking questions and utilizing good common-sense approaches can prevent you from being the target of a fraudulent scheme. Legitimate organizations, groups, or persons who are fundraising will have ways to verify and confirm information about their events. For the rest, I have only this to say to you: lying about having cancer is seriously not cool.

Kardashian - oh, sorry - lardass

Autocorrect has become a universal source of frustration, but a recent development shows it may be smarter than you think. Or at least cheekier. Twitter is abuzz with users who have noticed the newest version of Apple's iOS software corrects the word "lardass" to "Kardashian". So for anyone typing "lardass" into their iPhone with the new 9.2 version of iOS software, they'll see "Kardashian" automatically pop up. And while autocorrections have traditionally been the source of complaints, it seems most people tend to agree with the Apple insult linking to the star famous for her curves. One person wrote: "You're not wrong iPhone. You're not wrong." Another wrote: "Someone at Apple thinks they're real funny." Kim Kardashian has long been noted for her behind and when she posed on the cover of Paper magazine with a champagne saucer resting on her bottom the image was so widely shared it was touted as "breaking the internet". Maybe it's just the similarity of the two words, which have the letters "ardas" in common, but I'm with Apple on this.

World peace for dummies

Could Loser van Gaal be out?

Louis van Gaal is apparently facing a dressing room revolt at Manchester United with a number of stars growing disgruntled at the club's wretched form. Defeat at Premier League rookies Bournemouth at the weekend made it five games without a win in all competitions and followed a shock Champions League exit at the group stage last week. And, according to The Sun, a number of players have stood up to boss Van Gaal with two senior stars apparently speaking up in the changing room following the 2-1 reverse on Saturday. That comes after another allegedly questioned Van Gaal's approach after the 0-0 with West Ham a fortnight ago. Pressure continues to mount on the Dutchman with several high-profile ex-players calling his job into question. Seriously, the Reds need Sir Alex back. He knew what he was doing, not unlike Insomniac Games when they were making Spyro. Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to change a winning formula.

THE BIG REVIEW: The state of world governments

One of the saddest sights ever: a 9-year-old Muslim girl being radicalised

That's right, people. The kid on the surfboard is being radicalised. But obviously not that kind of radicalised.

Reds eat humble cherry pie

Manchester United's seven-match unbeaten run in the Barclays Premier League came to an end on Saturday with a disappointing 2-1 defeat at Vitality Stadium in Bournemouth, where Jesse Lingard was also added to a worryingly long list of injured players. Goals from Junior Stanislas and Joshua King outweighed Marouane Fellaini's strike to secure victory for the Cherries, who are flying high following last weekend’s victory at Chelsea. The Reds, meanwhile, will drop out of the Barclays Premier League top four if Tottenham beat Newcastle. Come on, LVG. A draw is bad enough but this is just not acceptable. The Reds will never win the silverware without a real manager like Sir Alex Ferguson. He turned a team on the brink of relegation to the powerhouses they are today.

Australia - the racist country

A backpacker looking for a room to rent in Scotland was turned down by a landlord because "Australia is famous for its drunks and racists". Laura Gratton was left gobsmacked by the landlord's rationale for not renting her the £400-a-month (NZ$900) room in Edinburgh, saying her inquiry about the ad on spare room.co.uk was instantly rejected, with the landlord saying "it is well known that Australians are racist" so she would not be a good housemate. Gratton is originally from Melbourne but has moved to Edinburgh, where she works as a hostess at Jamie Oliver's Italian restaurant. The traveller, who previously worked in London, pointed out she had friends from all over the world but the man insisted "Australia is the most racist nation". He carried on to say "just as France is famous for wine and cheese. Australia is famous for its drunks and racists. I'm sorry I need to reject this request". That is itself racist. Convict or not, you can't do this to people. Australia is a multi-cultural and very accepting country. There are race issues like any other country - but the actions of a few shouldn't be used to judge anyone from that country. It's just like saying all Muslims are terrorists.

This is the alternative flag design which will go head-to-head with New Zealand's current flag in the referendum on change, in March 2016.

2100 POSTS!

Come at us ISIS - this reward awaits

Some dude replaced guns with dildos in photos of Republican politicians

THE BIG REVIEW: Donald Trump and Hitler

Heil Trump.

The post for 111/1100/11111011111

Hammed but not hammed out

An entertaining Barclays Premier League encounter ultimately ended in frustration as Manchester United were held to a goalless draw by West Ham United at Old Trafford. The Reds, who were without the services of injured captain Wayne Rooney and lost Morgan Schneiderlin at the end of the first half, created plenty of openings but couldn’t break down a Hammers side who created their fair share of opportunities themselves, with Mauro Zarate guilty of one glaring miss in the second half. Louis van Gaal's side spurned the chance to leapfrog Manchester City, who lost 2-0 at Stoke City earlier in the day, but extended this season’s unbeaten home record in recording a sixth consecutive clean sheet at Old Trafford in all competitions. Seriously, people, this is two points the Reds could do with now.

RIP Robert Loggia

You will be missed.

It's a berry bad day for berries

The recall of Fruzio frozen berries has been extended to cover 1kg bags of strawberries, blackberries, and mixed berries. The additional voluntary recall was announced after Fruzio's 1kg and 500g mixed berry bags, which contain strawberries and blackberries, were recalled on Thursday. The products have been connected with a potential risk of hepatitis A, making this contamination the latest of a raft of food safety scares in New Zealand:

• Fonterra and Federated Farmers received threatening letters and milk packages tainted with 1080 last November. The letters threatened to contaminate infant formula if New Zealand did not stop using 1080, a poison used for pest control, by March. A 60-year-old businessman has been arrested and charged with attempted blackmail.
• This month an investigation by Massey University found a new antibiotic-resistant strain of campylobacter in poultry from three of the four leading chicken suppliers in the North Island. The university would not name the producers at this stage.
• In 2013 tests on a whey protein from one of Fonterra's factories indicated the possible presence of botulism. Several months later, the tests proved negative but not before New Zealand's reputation for safe milk powder was damaged in China.
• In 2012 Fonterra found traces of dicyandiamide, an agricultural chemical, in dairy products. The DCD product was withdrawn from the market by fertiliser companies.
• In 2008, Fonterra's Chinese partner Sanlu was found to have melamine in its milk powder. Six children died from the contamination and later investigations found melamine-laced milk powder was widespread, with more than 20 companies identified.

Seriously, people, get it together. This is stuff we put in our mouths.

This is a brick made from the dust in Beijing's smog

Here's how he got the brick:

And here's what the brick looks like:

#2012iscoming

Dangerous traditions, polandball style

Kurwa indeed.

THE BIG REVIEW: Major Lazer

A teenage girl has laid a complaint with police after a mob of young men allegedly ripped her top down and groped her at the sold-out Our:House dance party at Mt Smart Stadium in Auckland on Friday night. The fun began when one of the members of the headline act, Major Lazer, told the crowd to take their clothes off. The girl alleged she was crammed in the mosh-pit when about 20 men ripped her top down and groped her entire body. She said the offenders were aged in their late teens and early 20s. Her sister's boyfriend tried to come to her rescue but was blocked by the crowd. "People like to make excuses and say it's because everybody is drunk, but it's not excusable," she said. "Our body is our own body and nobody is entitled to step over the mark. Consent is consent." The girl said she was eventually able to escape the mob of men, and left the stadium in a flood of tears. Realising her sister was still inside, the teenager went to police and asked to be let back in but was refused. Males should never think this sort of behaviour is acceptable. It just seems to be normalised in the generation coming through. It's bad enough that at the ripe old age of 27, I'm probably the youngest person alive to have even heard of Pam Dawber.

Seriously just stick to eBay

The Bellend of the Month for November 2015 is Trademe. My account there was closed on the 18th for no apparent reason. At time of writing, the account is still shut out with no explanation whatsoever as to the delay, and the process has been held up simply because they're more obsessed with proper procedure than doing the right thing, which would be to admit they made a mistake in not sending me an email about the closure the second it happened and to reopen my account. They are officially worse than ISIS, and should not be doing that sort of thing to other people's accounts.

A goal apiece for red and fox

Manchester United played out a 1-1 draw with Leicester City at the King Power Stadium in a hard-fought match, as Bastian Schweinsteiger netted his first goal for the club. Jamie Vardy was undoubtedly the story of the day as he scored for the 11th game in succession – a Barclays Premier League record – to put the Foxes in front on 24 minutes, before Schweinsteiger levelled proceedings on the stroke of half-time. A draw is better than losing but this is two points gone begging. Loser van Gaal has one job as manager - crush nineteen other teams and bring back the Premiership. Is it really that hard?

Backwards compatibility for the PS4 at long last

Veteran gamers are rejoicing at the news Sony is working on a way to play PlayStation 2 games on PlayStation 4 consoles. "We are working on utilising PS2 emulation technology to bring PS2 games forward to the current generation. We have nothing further to comment at this point in time," Sony said. An emulator recreates the digital environment in which a program is read, in this case a PlayStation 4 console will render a PS2 game playable on the PS4. The blunt and long-called for announcement from Sony has inspired more questions than answers. How will the emulator go live? Will it be only available on a new released PlayStation 4? Will gamers need to download PlayStation 2 games from the online PlayStation Store, or will they be able to play original disks on their PS4? And will the games be played in HD or in their original quality? Further details about the emulator are sketchy, but the idea of having access to the entire PlayStation 2 back catalogue will make any gamer's eyes water. But what about the PS1 and PS3? Will their games be coming to the PS4 anytime soon? And will this be offered for PS1-4 games on the PlayStation 5 if and when that one is launched?

There's brown gold in them there stools

A group of researchers just put a price-tag on poo. Extracting biogas from the world's annual human waste output could be worth the equivalent of up to $14.3 billion (US$9.5b) in natural gas, according to a report released by the United Nations University Institute for Water, Environment, and Health. Which means we could all be sitting on gold mines. "We recycle the nutrients in human waste effectively via agriculture in many places, yet the potential energy value of human waste has been given much less attention to date," co-author Chris Metcalfe of Trent University said in a release. "Challenges are many but clearly there is a compelling, multi-dimensional financial case to be made for deriving energy from waste." Such fuel can come in the form of methane-rich biogas, generated by the bacterial breakdown of faeces in an oxygen-free environment. The residue could then be dried and charred into sludge, an energy source akin to coal or charcoal, the authors write. The report authors calculated the low and high assumptions for how much biogas and sludge can be made from the average amount of waste humans produce, and then the monetary value of the fuel sources' energy equivalents. The result: turning people's poo into fuel could be worth between US$1.6 billion to US$9.5 billion. The higher figure equals roughly the fuel needed to power households in Indonesia, Brazil, and Ethiopia. So just do it already and we'll have no need for polluting fossil fuels.

Gigatown becomes Refugeetown too

Dunedin has been picked as the new settlement location for refugees flocking to New Zealand shores. A Government assessment - carried out by the New Zealand Refugee Resettlement Strategy Senior Officials' Group - chose the South Island city as a new settlement location based on its employment, housing, local community, and support services. An extra settlement location was needed following the Government's decision to allow 750 Syrian refugees in New Zealand before the end of 2018 in response to the ongoing conflict in Syria, Immigration New Zealand general manager Steve McGill said. There are currently five spots in New Zealand where refugees are settled after a six-week reception programme: Auckland, Waikato, Manawatu, Wellington, and Nelson. Dunedin was considered alongside New Plymouth, Hastings and Napier, Invercargill, and Tauranga. "Dunedin has a strong set of services and is a well-connected city where a number of government agencies have a presence," Mr McGill said. Let's just hope the new arrivals can stand bagpipes.

Climate change - is the obscene profit worth the price?

A mock weather report looking 35 years into the future has painted a stark picture of a wintry New Zealand, ravaged by extreme conditions including both drought and flooding. Just days before world leaders meet in Paris to discuss a global climate change deal, a futuristic fake MetService forecast for August 14, 2050 has appeared on social media. TV meteorologist Chester Lampkin shows that winter temperatures that day ranging from 12C to 20C - up to 3C warmer than normal for a winter's day. It shows showers and thunderstorms across Northland, Auckland, and Hamilton, with 70-90mm daily rainfall causing flooding and closures to an "underwater" Northern Motorway, North-Western Motorway, and Tamaki Drive. Coastal flood warnings are in effect for Auckland's coastline. Most of Canterbury, meanwhile, is parched and under a fire risk. The simulated footage showed the Hurunui District in North Canterbury to be at high fire risk. At tourist hot-spot of Hanmer Springs "300-500 firefighters" are fighting a massive wildfire. "Just a year ago, we were talking about extreme rains for this part of New Zealand, and now we're talking about drought and fire. We keep going back and forth in the extremes of the weather," said the meteorologist in the 4.55 minute clip posted on the World Meteorological Organisation (WMO) YouTube channel. The video ends with a message from UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon and WMO Secretary-General Michel Jarraud who say climate change will "increasingly affect our day-to-day weather". "But we don't have to wait until 2050 to witness its impact," he says. "Already today, many parts of the world are experiencing more intense rainfall, floods, storms, heatwaves, droughts ... we have to minimise these negative impacts and the best way to do that is to rapidly and significantly reduce our emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases." There are many ways to help - swap out the gas-guzzler for a hybrid, plant a few trees to help turn some of that excess CO2 into oxygen, stop spraying that awful "shower in a can", recycle, basically anything that will repair that hole in the ozone layer.

THE BIG REVIEW: Caitlyn Jenner

Where every cellphone gets a bargain

The Warehouse has launched it's very first prepay mobile phone plan in stores across New Zealand today. Warehouse Mobile, which has been established as a virtual network operator and partnered with 2degress for technical support, promises customers the lowest standard of prepay rates, flexible plans, and a cheaper prepay option. The plan offers a minimum top up of $10 every 31 days, 250 minutes of calling time, 6c per MB of data usage, 4c per minute talk time to any network, and 2c texts. Warehouse Mobile's number range is 0284 and other numbers can be ported from different providers. I'm staying with Skinny until Warehouse Mobile can beat Skinny's $46 combo - that gets you 2.5 GB rollover data per month, and unlimited calls and texts to anyone in New Zealand or Australia.

What the Watford?

Despite a raft of injuries, picked up before and during the visit to Watford, Manchester United earned a dramatic 2-1 victory at Vicarage Road with Memphis Depay scoring on his return to the side and Bastian Schweinsteiger playing his part in an injury-time winner. In a game dominated by Louis van Gaal’s men in the first half and controlled by the Hornets in the second, Memphis's fine first-half goal and an own goal from Troy Deeney, who had equalised for Watford, secured a vital win and, at least temporarily, took United top of the table. David De Gea’s part in the win cannot be overlooked either after a string of top saves from the Spanish stopper. The Reds better keep it up if they want the silverware.

Brace yourselves, New Zealand - 2012 is coming

Central and local Government must start planning now for a potentially catastrophic sea level rise, opposition parties say. They're reacting to a report by Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment Jan Wright which warns thousands of homes may have to be abandoned and infrastructure worth billions could be lost. The report says it's uncertain how much sea levels will rise, and how quickly, but it's happening. "We're talking about people's homes, which are also their financial security," said Labour's climate change spokeswoman Megan Woods. "The fact is that over 9000 New Zealand homes lie less than 50 centimetres above the spring high tide line." The report says the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate change has projected that the sea level around New Zealand will rise about 30cm in the next 50 years, and continue to rise for centuries after that. Seriously, guys, cut your emissions.

And that's why you should get a Mac

Not. Fair. At. All.

Happy 30th, Calvin and Hobbes

THE BIG REVIEW: Stealing exam papers

A woman charged with stealing exam papers from the University of Otago has had her court appearance adjourned to next month. The 23-year-old is charged with burglary and has name suppression. She was due to appear in Dunedin District Court this morning, but was granted a registrar's adjournment to December 1. The 98 exam scripts were stolen from the Clocktower Building on November 7. The scripts had been completed by students taking at least six papers, mostly on the day of the burglary. The scripts, stolen from a secure area of the building which contains the registry office, had been recovered but were in an unusable state, so some students had to resit their exams. That is just not fair. If I were in charge, I'd give a 100% mark on all the affected scripts. And if you're one of those students who got a resit, please use this opportunity to do more study, especially if you don't think you did well enough to pass the first time.

Medicine sure has changed

Apologies for the delay. The mobile app wouldn't publish it. The post didn't go up until 24 hours after the stated time.

Clarkson to be shifted down a gear in court

Jeremy Clarkson is being sued for racial discrimination by the man he punched. Clarkson was sacked by the BBC earlier this year after getting into an argument over food with Top Gear producer Oisin Tymon. During the incident - which saw Clarkson rant at Tymon for 20 minutes - Clarkson punched his producer and called him "lazy" and "Irish". Now Tymon is suing Clarkson and the BBC for racial discrimination over the incident, and I can safely say that it bloody well serves him right. He shouldn't have done that.

#jesuisparis

The night was chilly but thick with excitement as the big match between France’s national soccer team and archrival Germany was underway at the national stadium in a northern suburb of Paris. President François Hollande watched with the crowd as the French players pushed the ball across midfield. Then came the sharp, unmistakable crack of an explosion, overwhelming the roar of the crowd. A stunned moment passed. Players and spectators seemed confused, and eventually the awful realization swept through the stadium: Terror, for the second time this year, had struck Paris. The symmetry could not be more jarring. A Parisian year that began with the bloodshed and chaos of the terrorist attacks at the satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo and later at a Jewish grocery now had an even deadlier coda: With events still fluid and exact details unclear, the authorities said more than 100 people had been killed in a series of attacks across Paris. And you see why Islam has been given such a bad name in recent years.

Much better use for a house of worship if you ask me

Seriously people IT'S JUST A CUP

The best BJ to hit Middle Earth

And no, I don't mean blowjob. American ice cream chain Ben & Jerry's is coming to New Zealand, it has been announced. Kiwis will be able to taste the iconic ice cream in December, when the company opens its first New Zealand store in central Auckland. There will be 18 classic Ben & Jerry's flavours available, including Strawberry Cheesecake, Choc Chip Cookie Dough, Chunky Monkey (banana ice cream with fudge chunks and walnuts), and Phish Food (chocolate ice cream with gooey marshmallow swirls, caramel swirls, and fudge fish). I'll be up there to see what all the fuss is about once I've paid off just under NZ$10,000 worth of debt and saved up enough money for what will be my fifth time in Auckland.

THE BIG REVIEW: Dads on Facebook

Another dad has joined Facebook, and it wasn't mine. It was Barack Obama. In his first post, Obama took Facebook users on a walk through his back yard at the White House and calling on Americans in a video "to preserve this beautiful planet of ours." "Not only do I want future presidents to be able to take walks like this," Obama said in a video post on his profile. "I want to make sure that the American people are able to enjoy the incredible national parks, incredible beauty, the mountains, the oceans, that have been one of the greatest gifts we've ever received." The President chose Facebook because "at a time when nearly three in four adults online use Facebook, this feels like a great place to do it," he writes. Meanwhile, the "Barack Obama" Facebook account, which has over 45 million followers, continues to be run by Organizing for Action. Obama, who first joined Twitter in May, has been more active on social media as his second term nears its end, hosting Twitter Q&A's, interacting with stars of the U.S. Women's National Soccer team, inviting teen clockmaker Ahmed Mohamed to the White House, joking with Bill Clinton, and even revealing his guacamole recipe preference. To follow him, click here.

This dude is set to become the next Epic Meal Time

Check him out here.

Two goals equals a welcome three points

Manchester United are back to winning ways in the Barclays Premier League with a 2-0 win against West Bromwich Albion at Old Trafford. After long spells of fruitless first-half pressure from the Reds, the breakthrough finally came early in the second period when Jesse Lingard fired home a super finish, bagging his first goal for the club as his star continues to rise. Juan Mata then secured the victory from the spot in injury time as United stayed fourth in the league, notching a sixth clean sheet in seven in the process. Putting points on the board is impressive, but nowhere near as impressive as this: Spyro the Dragon is coming to television. In an Investor Day presentation leading up to BlizzCon on Friday, Activision Blizzard announced Activision Blizzard Studios, a new division of the company focused on creating original films and TV shows. The first film project announced for the studio is “a robust cinematic universe” based on the Call of Duty franchise, planned to include “a series of Call of Duty feature films as well as the possibility of television adaptations.” No timing or additional information was revealed. The first release is expected in 2018 or 2019. An animated Skylanders television series is also in the works, titled Skylanders Academy. The show is currently in production (though no network has been announced yet) with Futurama writer Eric Rogers serving as showrunner. Skylanders Academy will star Justin Long as Spyro, Ashley Tisdale as Stealth Elf, Jonathan Banks as Eruptor, and Norm Macdonald as Glumshanks. Harland Williams and Richard Horvitz will also join the cast. It'll suck. Insomniac are the only company that should ever be trusted with anything Spyro. They knew what they were doing.

What got bigger must now get smaller

After the release of four larger iPhone models in 2014 and 2015, Apple is rumoured to be working on a smaller "budget" handset for next year. The iPhone 6 and 6S both have 4.7-inch screens, while the iPhone 6 Plus and 6S Plus are 5.5 inches, much larger than the first generation iPhone, which was just 3.5 inches. But according to KGI analyst Ming-Chi Kuo, Apple plans to launch a 4-inch model (the same size as the iPhone 5, 5S, and 5C) in 2016, as there is still demand for a small-sized iPhone. Of course there is - case in point: I still have the same iPhone 4S I've had since 2011. But I think they should put out four models so as to really give the consumer a choice: 7S being the size of the original models, 7M being the size of the "5" models, 7L being the size of the 6 and 6S, and the 7XL being the size of the 6 Plus and the 6S Plus. And they could also look at waiting two or three years between each generation so as to cut down on e-waste. It's just not sustainable the way things are going.

Nakedbus exposed for the scrooges they are

Nakedbus has refused to refund a passenger's ticket even though the bus was over an hour late and the company gave no delay notification. Sonia Kalekale arrived at the stop in Manukau in south Auckland well before her bus was due to depart for Hamilton last Friday evening. However, a full hour past its scheduled departure date, the bus still hadn't showed and the company hadn't contacted her about any delay. "I had no way of knowing if the bus was ever going to show," Kalekale said. Angry she couldn't make it to her friend's birthday party in Hamilton, and not wanting to wait in the cold and dark any more, Kalekale went home. That night, she wrote an email to Nakedbus requesting a refund for the trip. Nakedbus refused to play ball. "We apologise for the delay ... [but] Unfortunately we will not be able to refund this to you," the reply said. I'm not a lawyer but this looks like a breach of the Consumer Guarantees Act to me. Sonia bought the bus ticket with the express purpose of attending a birthday party. Late bus meant missing the party so no point going to Hamilton after that. As prescribed in the Act, the service Nakedbus were providing was not "fit for purpose." Without being bothered looking up the Consumer Guarantee's Act, I'm sure it'll also say something like you're entitled to a refund for "not receiving a service substantially similar to what was purchased". Pretty good argument that buying a bus ticket that departs at 8:15pm (when the bus was scheduled to leave) is quite different to buying one that departs at 9:26pm (the time the bus came; 10 minutes after Sonia left).

Gang promises to be orderly and well behaved

A Mongrel Mob gathering in Hastings involving 400 past and present members will not be "just a big piss-up", according to the president of the local chapter. Rex Timu promised Saturday's gathering of past and present gang members would be orderly and well behaved when he spoke at an application for a special liquor licence today. The gang is holding a gathering on Saturday that involves a motorcycle "memorial run" to various cemeteries around Hawke's Bay, then a "celebration" in a paddock behind the Te Aute Tavern, south of Hastings. The event, which was three years in the making, will also mark the 50th anniversary of the Hastings chapter's formation. If the application is declined there is a Plan B, but it won't be a very good one. It would involve the 300 attendees gathering at the chapter's gang headquarters, which is a house in the Hastings suburb of Camberley, and neighbours were unlikely to be happy about that. So this may well be just one of those times when the naysayers will just have to sieg heil to what the Mongrel Mob wants. And speaking of sieg heil, I'd advise the Mongrel Mob, who are largely Maori and have been known to use that phrase, to be careful around that phrase because the man who first used that phrase would have put them all in concentration camps.

Dwayne Popeye Johnson

But seriously, guys, Robin Williams was the better Popeye.

THE BIG REVIEW: 5 million

That's how big Wikipedia is, the internet's biggest online encyclopedia and the source for millions of pieces of late-night homework, is. It now has more than 5 million articles in English. The website announced it had passed the milestone on Sunday with an article on Persoonia terminalis - a rare shrub native to eastern Australia. In 14 years, Wikipedia has racked up around 3 billion words, 18 million references, and 30 terabytes of data - equivalent to 510,000 hours of 128 kB/s audio. At 300 words per minute, it would take more than 19 years of non-stop reading to read Wikipedia in its entirety. However, it is still nowhere near a level that would see it cover all human knowledge, according to estimates. More than 104 million articles would be needed to cover the total range of the human race's information according to Wikipedia user "emijrp", who is running a project to find such an estimate. Here's to the next five million.

Just what happens when you raise prices too much

Another scoreless draw, another two points gone begging

Manchester United were held to a third successive goalless stalemate, on a frustrating afternoon against Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park. Seriously, a trained chimp would be a much better fit for the team right now than Loser van Gaal.

The doctor who wouldn't help

The Bellend of the Month for October 2015 is Gregory Perry, a doctor at the DeGraff Memorial Hospital in Buffalo, New York. He is being sued after an incident last October when he insisted father-of-one Michael Cleveland was dead for 100 minutes, before declaring that he actually had a pulse, as claimed by the lawsuit. Mr Cleveland's wife Tammy had spent each of those 100 minutes trying to get help for her husband, who later died, as he fought for his life. It all started when Mr Cleveland had a heart attack at a grocery store and was rushed to the hospital in a critical condition. Dr Perry pronounced him dead and said that while it looked like Mr Cleveland was still breathing, he just 'had a lot of energy to expel from his body', it has been claimed. Widow Mrs Cleveland said she initially believed the doctor, but kept seeing 'more and more signs' that her husband was still alive. A doctor should be absolutely certain about it, and have done all they can to save them, before pronouncing a person dead instead of refusing to help like Perry did.

Keep 'em separate, stupid

For those days you just don't care

Whn cnsnnts ttck

THE BIG REVIEW: The violent confrontation

The incidents started when a Spring Valley High School teacher told the student to leave the classroom. When the student refused, Richland County Sheriff's Deputy Ben Field was called in. It's not clear what happened immediately before the cell phone video starts recording. But when it does, the school resource officer is heard telling the student to get up from her desk. "You're either going to come with me, or I'm going to make you," he says. The student doesn't budge. Fields tells her, "Come on, I'm going to get you up," and tries to pull her from the desk. She falls backward in her chair, but the officer doesn't stop. He lifts her body slightly off the ground and hurls her several feet across the room. The cop has been placed on administrative leave. The school resource officer has been told to not return to school pending an investigation by the department. Seriously, the department investigating their own officers? That would be like allowing the Mob to internally investigate the murders that their own hitmen commit.

No goals, no glory

It was intense, physical, and highly competitive, but in the end, the 170th Manchester derby finished in stalemate as United and City frustrated each other at Old Trafford, where substitute Jesse Lingard almost stole the show when he hit the bar late on. This fixture has provided fans with goals galore in recent history, as well as the odd moment of greatness, but the latest meeting could not live up to form. The result leaves City top of the Barclays Premier League on goal difference ahead of Arsenal, with United placed fourth behind West Ham. A scoreless draw is better than a loss but it's not good enough if you want the silverware at the end of the season.

I am so doing this to my family's Netflix

Planking goes chicken

From factory workers posing at precarious heights to Max Key in his living room, planking became a global trend in 2011. The craze involved individuals posting photos of themselves lying face down, rigid, and in obscure, sometimes dangerous locations. One Brisbane man died after attempting a 'plank' from a balcony. Now, a new craze is on the rise, sparked by a Kiwi Facebook group. Frozen Chook features people posing in strange, often scenic places naked and curled up like a packaged supermarket chicken. It will soon blow over.

Now it is time / to stop the rhymes / and go somewhere else / maybe somebody's house?

A much-loved Dunedin vegetarian restaurant is set to close and leave a long-running poetry collective homeless. Circadian Rhythm Cafe owner Sue Harrison said the vegetarian restaurant in St Andrew St would close on December 19. The lease on the building was not available for renewal, and the customers are upset and confused the cafe was set to close. They've had it so good for so long - the cafe had been in the St Andrew St building for more than 11 years, with Ms Harrison owning the business for nine years. If she had not found suitable premises in central Dunedin before December 19, the business would close and she would focus on the search. But the cafe's customers aren't the only ones that will be affected - Octagon Poets Collective member Carolyn McCurdie said the collective had been holding poetry readings in the cafe for seven years. Their final monthly meeting in the cafe would be on November 18. If you're a fan of poetry, mark the date and venue on your calendars now, but just a heads-up: it's going to be quite sad, as the meeting space was perfect and would be missed. The collective is too searching for another place for the meetings. And as for the building itself, the owner has plans for a Turkish restaurant in the St Andrew St building. Seriously, people, go for the belly-dancing but don't stay for the kebabs.

This myth has been confirmed

And by myth, I mean this: Mythbusters is going to be canceled. The reality series will come to an end following its 14th season, set to air next year. The popular program — famous for debunking high-profile myths or widespread urban legends — was one of cable television's longest-running shows and will go out after 248 episodes and 2,950 experiments. I guess we all saw this one coming what with three shows about Alaska which are different only in title - those shows being Alaska: The Last Frontier, Edge of Alaska, and Alaskan Bush People - polluting their schedule.

Now onto what last night's post was supposed to be about

Possible legal action is looming against a school in Denham Springs, Louisiana. A mother says Northside Elementary is guilty of endangering her son when he attended the school last year. The student, Gabreil Amos, demonstrated Thursday what has become a polarizing topic for parents: recess detention. "They didn't tell us what was going on with our children," said his mom, Cynthia Amos. She's the latest parent to say the school made her son hold safety cones as a form of punishment. "I was kind of astounded. I was like, 'I can't see anybody doing anything like this to a child,'" said Amos. This allegedly happened when Gabreil was in third grade last year. But his mom just found out when he opened up Wednesday night following the report. The reason she's just finding out is because Gabreil said he was afraid to tell. "They said if I told my parents that I would have five more days of it," he said. Livingston Parish Schools Superintendent John Watson confirmed that punishment using safety cones did happen last year at the school, but as an alternative to suspension and only with parental consent. Gabreil's mother said that's not true. "I just don't understand how that is acceptable punishment for my child especially when I had signed paperwork that no form of corporal punishment was allowed," said Amos. Supt. Watson also said it wasn't happening anymore, which conflicted with what two other parents said in the report. Seriously, come on. If they don't think they did anything wrong, they wouldn't have hid it. And you can't do that sort of crap to children. What may be "recess detention" to them is borderline child abuse.

THE BIG REVIEW: Recess detention

More when I can get the source material to load.

Good luck making that function now

Three goals, three points, all on the Toffees' home ground

Manchester United got back to winning ways and earned a first victory at Goodison Park since 2011 thanks to goals from Morgan Schneiderlin, Ander Herrera, and Wayne Rooney. It was the perfect way for the Reds to return to Barclays Premier League action following the international break and a chastening 3-0 defeat at Arsenal last time out. The result also maintained pressure on the leaders, Manchester City, who secured a comfortable 5-1 win over Bournemouth at the Etihad Stadium. This is just the sort of performance we want from Moyes' old club, even when they're not playing Moyes' old club. A few more of those and they may well have the silverware back in their cabinet going into next season.

Sprint in name but not in speed

Sprint, the nation's fourth-largest cellular carrier, has announced that it will begin throttling connection speeds of unlimited data customers chewing through more than 23GB of data in a monthly billing period. As detailed by Sprint's chief technology officer Dr. John Saw, the new policy is an attempt to address an ever-present need for increased mobile bandwidth. The 23GB cap will protect the vast majority of subscribers against a "small minority" of unlimited data customers who "unreasonably" eat up network resources. Saw notes unlimited customers will, as their plans state, be able to use an unlimited amount of data per month, but might see connection speeds drop when they hit the 23GB mark. As he explains, the quality of service technique operates in real time, meaning throttling is applied based on current network conditions. Unlimited data users will be prioritized below other subscribers only in times and locations where the network is strained, Saw says. Prioritization windows are calculated every 20 milliseconds, and throttled users will see services restored to normal operating speeds once traffic conditions at a particular cell site clear. But they've got to remember that carrier throttling is a somewhat controversial practice, and one that recently came under fire from federal regulators. Last year, Verizon drew the ire of Federal Communications Commission Chairman Thomas Wheeler for a "network optimization" initiative designed to limit 4G LTE speeds for unlimited customers. The restrictions weren't implemented, and Sprint better not put theirs through otherwise the FCC could be all over them.

Why would anyone do that;

Cairns to be hit for six

Black Caps captain Brendon McCullum's greatest test as a cricketer is about to begin: he has arrived at the Southwark Crown Court to give evidence against his former idol Chris Cairns. McCullum is expected to start giving evidence at time of writing as the second witness in the trial, which is on charges of perjury and perverting the course of justice. But why turn on one you looked up to? Here's why: he has accused Cairns, described in court as his idol, of trying to recruit him to fix matches when he was playing T20 cricket in the Indian Premier League in 2008. Cairns' legal team is expected to accuse McCullum of lying and question why he took nearly three years to report the alleged corrupt approach to cricket authorities. But if Cairns really did fix matches, he should be ashamed of himself. He will have let down not just McCullum, but many others who have looked up to him over the years.

Just as well the two are related

THE BIG REVIEW: Lukashenko

Looks like Belarus are stuck with that bellend for another term, all because of a potentially rigged election and the "none of the above" option getting more votes than any of his opposition. This screencap says it all:

It's just a matter of flag

The Wellington mayor's decision to fly five alternative New Zealand flags above the Town Hall on the anniversary of Passchendaele, New Zealand's worst wartime disaster, has been labelled "absolutely disgusting". Ted Lang, whose grandfather served in World War I, said Celia Wade-Brown's decision to place the five alternatives near the flag under which 845 Kiwis died at Passchendaele in 1917 was breathtakingly offensive. "It's a real kick in the guts for the old soldiers," he said. "It's absolutely disgusting. It's more than offensive." Seriously, just harden up. One of those other flags could soon replace the one we have now, so we might as well get used to them.

Wizzin' Khalifa

Pittsburgh police say rapper Wiz Khalifa has been cited for urinating in public. City public safety spokeswoman Sonya Toler says it happened at about 2:30 a.m. Saturday behind a bar called The Flats on Pittsburgh’s South Side. Representatives for Khalifa, who is known for hits like “Black and Yellow” and “See You Again,” did not immediately return phone and email messages from The Associated Press seeking comment on the citation, which is basically a ticket. Let's just hope he doesn't do it again. I can hold it in until I find a toilet, and so can he.

Name the band

Buddy you're a boy make a big noise

Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day

You got mud on yo' face

You big disgrace

Kickin' your can all over the place

Singin'

Technically he did what she asked

The cake says it all

Arbitration no longer cuts it for the CFPB

Banks and credit card companies may not force customers to sign away their legal rights to take part in class action lawsuits, under an early-stage U.S. government proposal that is likely to draw ire from Wall Street. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau says the proposal marks the first step in the process of potentially drafting regulations to ban certain "free pass" arbitration clauses, often buried in fine print, that consumers must sign off on when opening financial accounts. Banks, credit card companies, lenders, and broker dealers typically use such clauses as a way to shield themselves from lawsuits and lower their legal costs. Signers cannot file claims in federal courts, and have to resolve disputes individually through privately appointed arbitrators. "The essence of the proposals we have under consideration is that they would get rid of this free pass that prevents consumers from holding their financial providers directly accountable for the harm they cause when they violate the law," CFPB Director Richard Cordray said in prepared remarks he plans to deliver at a hearing on the topic in Denver, Colorado. This is long overdue, as companies should not be able to place themselves above the law and evade public accountability by inserting the magic word 'arbitration' in a document and dictating the favorable consequences. All that's needed now is for it to become law.

THE BIG REVIEW: Wattie's Baked Beans

They're just one of the good things about living in New Zealand. But even they are not immune to the odd problem or two. As problems go it doesn't amount to a hill of (baked) beans in this crazy world, but a James Wood would like the scales to tip a little more in his favour. Three times in recent weeks the Wellington man has weighed the baked beans from Wattie's 420 gram cans, and has found the contents to be wanting. He set out his concerns in postings on Wattie's Facebook page. The company responded with an apology. Wood's first posting included a picture of an empty 420g can next to some scales on which there was a bowl of beans. The scales showed a weight of 386g. A Heinz Wattie's spokesman said it was "very rare" for cans to be underweight, and 386g would be "very significantly under-filled". "That's what we can't understand." In a second posting, Wood included video of himself weighing the contents of a can of beans. The footage showed Wood opening the can and emptying it into a bowl on the scales which had been zeroed. "This time it weighed a little more than last time. But still a lot under the 420g net shown on the tin," Wood said. While the weight reading is unclear on the footage shown on the Watties Facebook page, the original of the video shows a figure of 397g. I hope this isn't a widespread problem because if it says 420g on the tin, the customer should have a reasonable expectation that they will get at least that much. You can get into some serious trouble for selling short weight, which is why a lot of places tend to slightly overfill packages. So whatever may be causing him to receive less bean for his buck needs to be fixed, the sooner the better.