Prosser prosses off Muslim community

The Bellend of the Month for February 2013 is Richard Prosser. He is an MP for the political party New Zealand First, and his Swiss Army knife was confiscated at Christchurch Airport. But he picked the wrong place to let off the excess steam - a column he writes for Investigate. In this month's issue, he wrote that anyone who was Muslim, looked Muslim, or came from a Muslim nation should not be allowed to fly on Western airlines. He had also referred to Muslims as "a sorry pack of misogynist troglodytes from Wogistan" and referred to Islam as a stone-age religion. I can think of several things wrong with his statements:

• There is more to Islam than just sorry packs of misogynist troglodytes from Wogistan.
• There is no such place as Wogistan. That's only a term Prosser made up to indirectly refer to Arabs as wogs.
• Islam cannot technically be a stone-age religion. It is actually one of the newer Abrahamic religions, having only started in 622 CE with Muhammad emigrating from Mecca to Medina. In fact, even Judaism, despite pre-dating Christianity, wasn't around in the Stone Age.
• Banning Muslims from flying won't solve the problem. Not all Muslims are terrorists, and not all terrorists are Muslims.

So with that in mind, I think Prosser should leave New Zealand and go back to his sorry pack of Islamophobic troglodytes from Bigotania. If you want to see the column, it's at the end of this here preview:

All sharks must go!

Shark attacks are rare in New Zealand. Only 11 fatal attacks had taken place since records began in 1847, and the last confirmed shark fatality was in 1976 in the Bay of Plenty. Until now, that is. A shark has killed a man off a beach near the New Zealand city of Auckland. The attack took place around 1:30 this afternoon at Muriwai Beach, to the west of the country's largest city. This is why sharks need to go. They are an unnecessary menace lurking in waters around the world, and they cause harm to good people every day. For example, if it weren't for sharks, Bethany Hamilton would still have both of her arms. So next time you see a shark, make sure you have a harpoon on you. You'll thank me later.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Product recalls

Product recalls are a necessary evil. But sometimes it's just wasteful fear-mongering, for instance, the current scandal involving horsemeat. Yesterday, Ikea withdrew meatballs from sale in 14 European countries after tests in the Czech Republic found traces of horsemeat in a batch made in Sweden. My opinion: so what? I don't mind horsemeat in my food. Some cultures actually eat horses, and they too don't mind seeing the odd bit of horse in their beef. And there are also people who want something a little different - maybe horsemeat could be right up their alley. So all in all, horsemeat is no big deal. If the meat was off, then maybe a product recall would be in order. But if it's just meat from a second species of animal, then a recall would just be a wasteful thing to engage in.

Dictator's daughter takes the reins

Park Geun-hye, the daughter of a late military strongman, was sworn in today as South Korea’s first female president, warning North Korea that the primary victim of its pursuit of nuclear weapons and long-range missiles will be the isolated country itself. “North Korea’s recent nuclear test is a challenge to the survival and future of the Korean people, and there should be no mistake that the biggest victim will be none other than North Korea itself,” Ms. Park said in her inaugural address in front of the National Assembly building in Seoul. Maybe Iran can also learn the same lesson about its own nuclear tests one day. And speaking of Iran, a movie which told the story of the rescue operation that saved six Americans during the Iran hostage crisis has taken home three Oscars at the 85th Academy Awards, including the biggest award of the night: best picture. That's right, Argo has taken top prize at yet another award ceremony.

Goal + goal = three more points

Manchester United are really putting the pressure on their cross-town rivals, and are now 15 points clear of them after beating Queen's Park Rangers this morning at Loftus Road. All it took to beat the relegation-haunted QPR was one goal each scored by Rafael and Ryan Giggs. No other goals were scored, and no yellow or red cards were shown.

Armstrong getting less strong

The US government has joined a lawsuit against Lance Armstrong after talks with his lawyers broke down. The suit argues Armstrong defrauded the American public by insisting he was not using drugs while riding for the publicly funded US Postal Service team. Last month, Armstrong admitted using performance-enhancing drugs during all seven of his Tour de France wins. The suit, filed by fellow drug cheat Floyd Landis, aims to recover sponsorship money from Armstrong. And it's only fair because not only did Lance Armstrong cheat his way to seven Tour de France victories, Lance Armstrong and his cycling team also took more than US$30m from the US Postal Service based on their contractual promise to play fair and abide by the rules - including the rules against doping. The Postal Service has now seen its sponsorship unfairly associated with what has been described as the most sophisticated, professionalised, and successful doping programme that sport has ever seen. This is really unfortunate because it feels like Armstrong had beaten cancer only to become cancer. He had not been playing by the rules during his seven Tour wins and the US government should go ahead with the suit.

Out on bail or crowded in jail

A stuffy, overcrowded cell. At times, two or three men to a single bunk. Lockdown for 23 out of 24 hours. Is this what awaits South Africa's Oscar Pistorius if he is not released on bail while he awaits trial for the murder of his girlfriend? Not necessarily, because some of South Africa's prisons are better than others. But whichever one might house Pistorius, there's no question that conditions would be a far cry from those in his US$560,000 home in the luxury Silverwoods Estate, on the outskirts of Pretoria. South African prisons are frequently overcrowded, putting a strain on sanitation, ventilation, and medical care. The overcrowding means three men may share a single cell, or communal cells for 40 people are jammed with double the number they were intended to hold, with men sleeping in double or triple bunks. There was even one person who for the first year in remand detention (pretrial custody) slept on the floor, and then 'graduated' to a bunk. Many inmates are kept locked up for 23 hours a day, with only an hour outside their cell. Some prisons go into lockdown as early as 3 or 4 p.m. local time, leaving prisoners cooped up for 12 hours or more at a stretch. But enough about that because daytime temperatures this winter in Stockholm have regularly dropped to -5°C, but it's still common to see children left outside by their parents for a sleep in the pram. Seriously, would you put your baby or toddler outside in the freezing cold for their lunchtime nap? Most Nordic parents wouldn't give it a second thought. For them it's part of their daily routine. Wander through the snowy city and you'll see buggies lined up outside coffee shops while parents sip on lattes inside. And if you are visiting friends and your child needs a nap, you may be offered the garden or balcony instead of a bedroom. This is just not on. Leaving your child out in sub-zero temperatures is child abuse. If their arm turns black and falls off as a result of such a horrific act, there are consequences for the parent. During the winter, it can get quite cold in parts of New Zealand, and that is why no sane parent here would ever subject their children to such cruelty.

Organisation? There's an app for that.

You wouldn't expect two 16-year-olds to spend their summer break working for free. But, that's exactly what Ryan Orbuch and Michael Hansen did when they created the anti-procrastination (pictured) iOS app called Finish, which launched on January 16. But it's paid off. Literally. As of today, Finish has been downloaded 16,500 times in a little more than a month, according to Orbuch. At US$0.99 a pop, this means more than US$16,000 in one month, which isn't bad for two teenagers. What's more, the app is not only for high schoolers. "We've seen Finish work for an amazing variety of people. From high school students to lawyers, doctors to real estate agents, writers to entrepreneurs, and tons more," Orbuch said. "Though the app was built by students, it wasn't built to be school-specific. Finish is essentially a framework, it's an app that provides the perfect amount of structure to truly reduce stress and ease procrastination for just about anyone." I will be downloading this for my iPhone because even I sometimes procrastinate. If you also have problems with procrastination, then please download Finish.

Gym chains in for a jolt

A High Court judge has directed that a stoush between the owner of a well-known gym chain and one of his franchisees who suddenly rebranded three clubs have an "urgent" half-day hearing next week. Club Physical was running nine branches across Auckland and one in Kaitaia until 12 days ago when clubs at Westgate, Three Kings, and Botany were completely overhauled and renamed as "Jolt Fitness". Staff at those locations were fitted with new uniforms, new classes were put in place, and instructors arriving to teach their regular classes were turned away. Many members were left baffled and angry that the gym they signed up for no longer existed. I don't know who is in the right here, but my concern is for the members of the affected gyms, who will all have to make a decision: give Jolt's classes a try, or go to another Club Physical. But because gym memberships cost too much, I will not be affected by this or similar surprise rebrandings in the foreseeable future.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Livestrong

Last weekend, I saw This Is 40. Its good points included the comedic moments and the heavy depiction of Apple gadgets, but there was one scene early on where one character was wearing a shirt with the Livestrong slogan on it, which is highly inappropriate given Lance Armstrong's recent admission of doping. If I was the director, I would've insisted on digitally altering the shirt in question to read Liestrong, because that's the sort of dishonest scumbag that Lance Armstrong is. He used drugs to win the Tour de France seven times in a row.

Correa continues presidential career

President Rafael Correa of Ecuador swept to re-election yesterday (local time) in a vote that showed the broad popularity of his government’s social programs and support for the poor in a country to which he has brought stability after years of political and economic turmoil. Thousands of supporters in the main square in Quito, the capital, began celebrating shortly after voting finished at 5 p.m. (local time), when television stations announced the result of exit polls showing Mr. Correa as the runaway winner. “Many thanks for this immense trust,” Mr. Correa said from the balcony of the presidential palace. “We have never failed you, and we never will fail you.” Critics of Mr. Correa have worried that such a strong mandate would embolden him to further concentrate power and proceed with policies that could limit press freedom and quash dissent. That may be true, given that this is Latin America, but Ecuador's most important asset at the moment is Julian Assange, who is holed up in the Ecuadorean embassy in London and wishes to run for a spot in the Australian Senate. He regards his bid to become an Australian senator as a defence against potential criminal prosecution in the United States and Britain. Assange also plans to register a new political party, the WikiLeaks Party, to run Senate candidates in several Australian states.

Directing the Stars

A certain "Star Trek" veteran feels that J.J. Abrams has indeed boldly gone where no man has gone before ... and not in a good way. William Shatner, known worldwide (and perhaps beyond) as the man who played Captain James T. Kirk in the original "Star Trek" series and in seven feature films, was recently asked about how he feels about "Star Trek" director J.J. Abrams now also taking the captain's chair on "Star Wars." Shatner is not as enthusiastic as others have been when it comes to Abrams pulling double duty on arguably the two biggest sci-fi franchises of all time. "He's being a pig," Shatner said during an interview with Movie Fanatic. "He's collecting the two franchises and holding them close to his vest. He's probably the most talented director of that ilk that we have but he's gone too far this time." Maybe he has, but I'm holding my tongue because I think he'll do a good job on both - unlike that drug cheat Lance Armstrong.

Pirates versus CIAPC

In a move that could be called balsy or hypocritical (or even a premature April fools prank), The Pirate Bay are threatening to sue for alleged copyright infringement. This is a fascinating (if not ironic) move, given it comes from an online service who've become synomymous with copyright infringement. It appears that anti-piracy campaign group CIAPC redesigned their website to mimic The Pirate Bay's, right down to their now famous pirate ship logo. Never shy to pass up a publicity opportunity, The Pirate Bay are loudly expressing their outrage. “We are outraged by this behavior. People must understand what is right and wrong. Stealing material like this on the internet is a threat to economies worldwide,” a Pirate Bay spokesman told TorrentFreak. “We feel that we must make a statement and therefore we will sure them for copyright infringement. If not even IFPI and their friends can respect copyright, perhaps it’s time to move on?” I wish them luck with their possibly meritless litigation, even though it is highly unlikely that the case will be successful.

Return of the Sight

The Food and Drug Administration approved the first treatment yesterday to give limited vision to people who are blind, involving a technology called the artificial retina. The device allows people with a certain type of blindness to detect crosswalks on the street, the presence of people or cars, and sometimes even large numbers or letters. The approval of the system marks a milestone in a new frontier in vision research, a field in which scientists are making strides with gene therapy, optogenetics, stem cells, and other strategies. That is clearly one breakthrough of a device, but there is more to blog about tonight: the much-rumored iPhone 5S and a 5-inch iPhone 6 have shown up at an Apple supplier in China, according to a post on a Chinese microblogging site. The models could be released this year, according to a post by a Sina Tech user called Old Yao. He reports that a friend of his at a supplier has seen the models and says that the iPhone 5S resembles the iPhone 5, while the iPhone 6 is wider, longer, and thinner.

Smell it like it is

Hailing the product as a revolution in smelling technology, Sony released a sleek new line of nose buds on Monday, which will allow consumers to blast a variety of scents directly into their nostrils whenever and wherever they please. The new Sony Nasal HD-340s, which retail for US$49.99, have been designed to comfortably fit into users’ nostrils and are said to rely on advanced olfactory technology to deliver a wide array of high-quality aromas, including lavender, fresh-baked bread, tennis ball, Fourth of July barbecue, and public pool, offering each user a highly personalised smelling experience. That's right, gone are the days of having to put up with the smell of blue cheese or a freshly-cut fart - just plug the HD-340 in your nose, turn it on, and enjoy the smell of something more pleasant.

Keeping up with the time

Having conquered the desktops, music libraries, and phones of millions, Apple reportedly wants to adorn one more spot in the life of the gadget-obsessed - their wrists. The company is developing a smart watch that would run on the same iOS operating system that powers iPhones, iPads, and some iPods, according to a report in The New York Times. But don't hold your breath, because such reports are no sure thing. Over the years, Apple has reportedly poked around into products ranging from cars to cameras without any commercially available product ever coming from it. An Apple TV has been in the rumor stages for years now, and while many observers still expect one to surface eventually, there have been no signs yet.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Climate change

That's right, climate change. It's real, but sadly, the BBC won't acknowledge it. They have re-edited the final episode of David Attenborough's nature series, Africa, to remove a piece of commentary about climate change. In the original programme, broadcast in Britain last Wednesday, Attenborough said: "Some parts of the continent have become 3.5 Celsius hotter in the past 20 years." A decision was taken on Saturday to remove it from the repeat programme and the iPlayer version. This is clearly the wrong thing to do. There is widespread acknowledgement within the scientific community that the climate of Africa has been changing, and if we don't do something about it, then we're in for a nasty apocalypse that cannot be blamed on Gangnam Style.

Twelve ahead with twelve to go

Victory over Everton - courtesy of goals from Ryan Giggs and Robin van Persie - stretched Manchester United's lead at the top of the Barclays Premier League to 12 points this morning at Old Trafford. That's right, 12 points. And with just 12 games to play, Sir Alex Ferguson’s men are now undoubtedly well placed to go on and clinch a 20th league title, although the events of last season – when United blew an eight-point lead with just six games remaining – means nobody at Old Trafford is getting too carried away just yet. And that's because it is still possible that Man City will win four games and Man United will lose four, closing the gap and potentially giving City a second consecutive title. But back to the match at hand: while no goals were scored by Everton, two of their players were shown yellow cards.

Oppa Gaza Style!

"Gangnam Style," South Korean rapper PSY's international hit, has received numerous cover versions and imitations worldwide. Now comes the Palestinian version, "Gaza Style." That's right, a group of young Palestinians from the Gaza Strip has shot a comic video expressing the daily hardships experienced by local residents. The video, which can be seen as an act of protest against the Israeli blockade on the Gaza Strip, likely also includes implicit criticism toward the Hamas government for not acting in the best interests of the Palestinian public. The video can be seen below:

Viral causes viral problems for Chile

The Chilean government has promised a speedy investigation into a viral video of its naval cadets that has offended three neighbouring nations. The amateur video shows a bloc of cadets running on a public street, repeating the cadence of their instructor: "Argentineans I will kill; Bolivians I will shoot; Peruvians I'll behead." Historically, Chile has had rivalries and disputes with its neighbours. Landlocked Bolivia lost its access to the Pacific Ocean to Chile in a war, for example, and it continues to fight for a sliver of coast. But Chile is not currently at war with any of those three countries, so maybe they should've chosen three countries that they were at war with. And speaking of war, the global "currency war" could get even worse if Europe joins the fray, says the man widely credited with coining the term. Brazilian Finance Minister Guido Mantega told Reuters European countries should focus on reviving their economies with more investments, rather than trying to weaken the euro to protect jobs as France has suggested ahead of next week's meeting of G20 economic powers.

We've Got Mailbox

When the United States Postal Service announced it would no longer deliver mail on Saturdays, those of us with e-mail anxiety had a moment of jealousy. What would it be like to have two whole days when the Internet just didn't deliver to anyone's inbox? It would be pretty great, but unfortunately, e-mail is only becoming more of a round-the-clock presence, but a novel new e-mail tool could make it more manageable. Enter Mailbox, a much hyped new app for the iPhone that chips away at overflowing inboxes with simple gesture controls and a brilliant snooze feature. This handy new app is finally available in the Apple App Store after half a year of sneak peeks and raves from beta testers. So go to the App Store and download it today.

Biggest. Prime. Ever.

Before I start on my post, I have an important message to share with you all: my niece, Hazel Anne Rees (pictured), was born today at 3:50pm (New Zealand Daylight Time). This means that I am now an uncle. Now for a second helping of good news: the biggest prime number yet has been discovered. It is indeed massive, more than 17 million digits long. A text file of the entire number contains more than 22 megabytes of information. For those who have been out of school for a while, let's review: A prime number is a positive integer that cannot be divided evenly by any number except itself and 1. The first 10 prime numbers are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29. There is no clear pattern in these numbers, nor is there an easy formula to calculate the 11th prime number (31). And, as proven 2300 years ago by the great mathematician Euclid, there are an infinite number of primes. I'm sure the next prime is not too far around the corner.

From big scam to big house

Eighteen people have been charged with stealing at least US$200m in a credit card fraud ring, possibly one of the largest in US history. The scam allegedly involved thousands of fake identities and businesses, lying to credit rating agencies, and wiring some of the proceeds abroad. Beginning in 2007, the elaborate scheme involved falsely improving the credit scores of 7,000 fake cardholders, allowing the scammers to borrow high amounts of money which they never repaid. The accused availed themselves of a virtual cafeteria of sophisticated frauds and schemes, whose main menu items were greed and deceit. In fact, prosecutors allege that in one case a defendant used a six-year-old's Social Security number for a fake utility bill. This is just not on. It's a good thing the bellends involved have all been caught in the act because this type of fraud increases the costs of doing business for every American consumer, every day. In other news, the world's longest domestic cat, a 48.5in (1.23m) Maine Coon named Stewie, has died at the age of eight at his home in Reno, Nevada. Stewie's owner, Robin Hendrickson, said that the record-holding cat died on Monday evening after battling cancer.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Ransomware

What we're dealing with here is a class of malware which restricts access to the computer system that it infects, and demands a ransom paid to the creator of the malware in order for the restriction to be removed. Some forms of ransomware encrypt files on the system's hard drive, while some may simply lock the system and display messages intended to coax the user into paying. And such an attack is happening in Germany, where federal police are warning about a computer virus that accuses victims of viewing "juvenile pornography" and displays an image that it claims reveals images of child sexual abuse have been viewed on a computer. The Windows virus, which purports to be collecting cash on behalf of German copyright authorities and the country's national computer security agency, locks the infected computer and only returns control to its owner on payment of a €100 fine. This amounts to digital extortion and you should never ever pay up. Instead, users should use anti-virus and other security software to clean up their PC and deal with the virus. Or, they could get a Mac. It'll be worth the extra cash.

Burn book author gets burnt

Malala Yousufzai, the Pakistani schoolgirl who was shot in the head by the Taliban, is in stable condition after undergoing two successful operations to reconstruct her skull and restore her hearing, the British hospital treating her said yesterday. Doctors tending to the girl, who was attacked for advocating education for girls in Pakistan, said they were “very pleased” with her progress after five hours of skull reconstruction and ear surgery on Saturday at Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham. That's good news, but now for something not so good: a 15-year-old boy in Colorado has been arrested for cyber-bulling using Instagram. He is being charged with five counts of third-degree harassment for allegedly downloading photographs of his classmates from Facebook and then uploading them to an anonymous Instagram account with hurtful captions attached. The unnamed young man, a student at Ralston Valley High in Arvada, Colorado, had allegedly created a “burn book” Instagram account and used photographs to harass five of his peers.

Lead over City stretches to ten

Wayne Rooney put Manchester United ten points clear at the top of the Barclays Premier League this morning at Craven Cottage with a brilliantly taken late second-half strike that could well turn out to be a vitally important moment in the title race. It was the only goal scored, and he and one Fulham player received yellow cards over the course of the match.

Four birthdays for one man

Everyone has a birthday - a joyful day for receiving presents from family and friends, for blowing out candles on a cake as you celebrate your arrival on this earth. Some people even have two, such as Britain's Queen Elizabeth II, who has one to mark the date of her birth, and one to celebrate the anniversary of her coronation. But soccer player Chancel Mbemba Mangulu from Congo-Kinshasa (that's the Democratic Republic; our in-house style differentiates between the two countries named Congo by their capitals) can top that. He appears to haves four "birthdays". Mbemba was registered by his two first Congolese clubs (E.S. La Grace and Mputu) as being born on August 8, 1988, according to documents obtained by CNN. Yet for a Cup of Nations qualifier in June 2011, his birth date was listed as November 30, 1991. Meanwhile, the birth date recorded by his Belgian club Anderlecht is August 8, 1994. Just to complicate matters, Mbemba himself thinks he was born in 1990. So which one is it? Let's not ponder that for now because a Japanese pop star has shaved her head (a traditional form of showing contrition in Japan) and offered a filmed apology after breaking her management firm's rules by spending a night with her boyfriend. A sobbing Minami Minegishi apologised to her fans and said she did not want to leave the band AKB48, in a video that has over seven million views on YouTube.

Two goals take down the Saints

Manchester United stretched the lead at the Barclays Premier League to seven points on a night (local time) that became all about simply getting the job done against spirited Southampton yesterday morning at Old Trafford. The final scoreline was 2-1, with both of Man United's goals going to Wayne Rooney and Southampton's only goal going to Jay Rodriguez. Two players received yellow cards.