Child killer in for three life terms

The Bellend of the Month for July 2013 is Aaron Schaffhausen. He is a 35-year-old father from Wisconsin found to be sane when he killed his three young daughters last July, and this July, he was sentenced to three life sentences without the possibility of parole. St. Croix County Judge Howard Cameron said the lives of each sister (11-year-old Amara, 8-year-old Sophie, and 5-year-old Cecilia) were each so important that Schaffhausen had to serve each sentence consecutively. "Each child has to be recognized as an individual girl," Cameron said. "To make it concurrent would diminish what happened to those young girls." I couldn't agree more. But one should remember that Schaffhausen's second and third life sentences are only symbolic in nature because he will already be rotting in jail for the rest of his life anyway, and rightly so because Schaffhausen - the man who helped genetically make those girls and shape them - became the darkness, the boogeyman, and the monster under the bed. He was so evil that he took their unconditional love for him and used their love to lure them close enough so he could kill them. Their last memory is what an evil killer their dad was. The girls' aunt remembered them as "amazing people."

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Broadway scams

A businessman and former stockbroker pleaded guilty yesterday (Eastern Daylight Time) to what prosecutors say was a dramatically conceived plot to scam the producers of the Broadway show "Rebecca, the Musical," which is based on the novel of the same name by Daphne du Maurier. Mark Hotton of West Islip, New York, admitted to defrauding the producers of the yet-to-open show in 2011 and 2012 by creating fake foreign investors and businesses, according to a release from the U.S. Attorney's office in Manhattan. "With his guilty plea today, the curtain is finally closing on Mark Hotton's elaborately staged fraud," Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara said in the release. "Though his lies and deceits were the stuff of fiction, they caused real harm to his victims, and he now faces real consequences as a result." Those real consequences should entail a lengthy stay in jail so he would have enough time to think about what he did and the effect it had on decent people who just wanted to put on a show.

Lawmakers go bananas over banana throwing

Italian politicians have reacted with anger after the country's first black minister had bananas thrown at her during a political rally. Congolese-born Integration Minister Cecile Kyenge, who has suffered racial abuse in the past, was speaking at a Democratic Party (PD) rally in Cervia on Friday when an unidentified spectator threw bananas towards the stage, narrowly missing her. Italian police say they are trying to find the culprit. Responding on Twitter, Ms Kyenge called the incident "sad" and "a waste of food". But Environment Minister Andrea Orlando said on Twitter he felt the "utmost indignation" over the incident, and rightly so because it is a waste of food - in fact, it's one of the most insensitive wastes of food imaginable. According to Wikipedia, bananas are grown in at least 107 countries, primarily for their fruit; and to a lesser extent to make fibre, banana wine, and as ornamental plants - not for throwing at black people. Whoever did this should be left to rot in the slammer for a while.

Pakistani moonshine kills 18

At least 18 people have died and dozens more fallen ill after drinking contaminated alcohol in Pakistan, officials said. The victims, believed to be mostly Muslim and Christian labourers, consumed the toxic drink at two parties in the central city of Faisalabad. Only non-Muslims are allowed to buy and consume alcohol in Pakistan, but many people illegally brew alcohol at home. They shouldn't be doing that. Home-brewed booze is not always of the best quality. And speaking of quality, Westchester County may face legal action and have to pay up US$150,000 a month in fines to the Justice Department, after missing a deadline to improve water quality in White Plains and Scarsdale. The county decided a year and a half ago to pursue a US$100 million, multi-year project to tap into the New York City ultraviolent purification system in Mount Pleasant and improve the water quality for White Plains and Scarsdale, according to the Journal News.

Casino under suit for stupid mistakes

A US man has sued a casino in Columbus, Ohio, after he was robbed at gunpoint of thousands of dollars of blackjack winnings at his home. 29-year-old David Hayes says in a lawsuit two armed men entered his bedroom and demanded US$35,800. He says the Hollywood Casino Columbus should have paid him in a cheque and failed to keep his address and other personal information confidential. The casino argues Mr Hayes lost the money because of "his own negligence", which is not entirely true. The casino staff should at least offer to pay winnings via cheque or direct credit, that way Hayes wouldn't have to carry so much cash around. Also, the clerk shouldn't have written down information from his driving licence on a piece of paper and held it up for him to confirm - in a manner that would have allowed others to read the details. The casino deserves to be under suit for its stupid lapse in judgement. And speaking of poor judgement, Turkey's prime minister has threatened legal action against a UK newspaper for publishing an open letter criticising his handling of recent protests. Recep Tayyip Erdogan accused the Times of "renting out its pages for money". Hollywood celebrities and academics were among those who signed the letter this week accusing Turkey's government of "dictatorial rule". It serves them right. They shouldn't have tried to develop on one of the last green spaces in Istanbul.

Just me and the Chromecast tonight

Google rolled out a new Nexus 7 tablet on Wednesday. But a much smaller, much cheaper new gadget may be the one that makes a seismic impact in the consumer technology world. Chromecast is a glorified thumb drive that enables Web streaming to television. At US$35, it's also practically free, considering that it comes packed with three free months of Netflix, which isn't of much use to me because Netflix isn't available in New Zealand. Streaming media onto the (relatively) big screen is nothing new. Set-top boxes like Roku and Boxee have provided the service, at least in part, for years. More recently, Google's now-defunct Nexus Q has battled Apple TV for the hearts and minds of consumers who have grown used to on-demand video on their laptops, tablets, and even phones. But enough about that because Prince Harry has said one of his duties as an uncle to his new nephew Prince George is "to make sure he has fun". Harry said that he had already cuddled the prince, who was born on Monday and has been named George Alexander Louis - Prince George of Cambridge.

Royal baby now has a name

Dubai's 828-meter Burj Khalifa has less than a year left as the world's tallest building. Why? Because China's projected 838-meter Sky City broke ground in Changsha in central China on July 20. Astonishingly, the construction company behind it expects to top out in April 2014 - a build time of just 10 months, a lot less than the five years it took to build the Burj Khalifa. Fast construction claims from Broad Group, the Changsha-based construction company in charge of the build, have elicited strong reactions from China's "netizens," as well as experts. But the building would appear to herald a new age in Chinese construction, one in which tall, fast builds become common. It's already difficult to keep track of China's tallest building announcements. But enough about that because a better announcement has been made: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have named their new bundle of joy. The tot "will be known as His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge," according to Clarence House, the official residence of heirs to the throne. As well as ruling the United Kingdom, George Alexander Louis could one day be king of 15 other commonwealth countries that have the British monarch as head of state if none change their constitution in the meantime. These fifteen include Australia, Canada, New Zealand, Belize, and Jamaica.

French legislator in hot water over pro-Hitler statement

A French MP is facing prosecution for allegedly endorsing Hitler's crimes against the Roma (Gypsies) during a confrontation with travellers. Gilles Bourdouleix has tried to defend himself after he was recorded saying "maybe Hitler didn't kill enough of them" during the incident on Sunday. He says he was just repeating the words of the reporter who recorded him. But Interior Minister Manuel Valls said he should be punished "very severely" for the "unacceptable" remarks. I think so too. The Roma have already suffered enough during the Holocaust, and it's not that Hitler didn't kill enough of them - by killing even one Roma, he killed too many. And speaking of the Holocaust, a poster campaign has launched in Germany aimed at tracking down the last surviving Nazi war criminals and bringing them to justice. Some 2,000 posters showing the entrance to the Nazi Auschwitz death camp and asking people to come forward with information have been displayed in Berlin, Hamburg, and Cologne. The US-based Simon Wiesenthal Center offers rewards for useful information. It estimates there to be sixty people alive in Germany fit to stand trial. Some are suspected of having served as guards at Nazi death camps or being members of death squads responsible for mass killings, particularly early on in the war. "Unfortunately, very few people who committed the crimes had to pay for them," leading international Nazi hunter and the centre's Jerusalem branch director, Efraim Zuroff, said. "The passage of time in no way diminishes the crimes." And it in no way diminishes the severity of Bourdouleix's antiziganist remarks either.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Rong spelingz

Wher woud sume of us bea withoot spelchekk? Before we answer that, we'd better tell you why the blog has a blue background. Prince William and Kate Middleton now have a little baby. The baby, which is a boy, was born at 4:24pm yesterday (British Summer Time), weighing 8lb 6oz (almost 3.8 kilos). A name has not yet been announced for the child, who is third in line to the throne. The royal couple remained in the private Lindo Wing of St. Mary's Hospital in London overnight but hopes were high that they'd make an appearance as early as today. If so, they will likely appear holding their son on the same hospital steps where Charles and Di gave the world its first sighting of Prince William 31 years ago. Multi-gun salutes will be held today to mark the birth of the new royal heir. The King's Troop Royal Horse Artillery in Green Park is expected to release 41 rounds, while the Honorable Artillery Company at the Tower of London will sound 62 rounds. The bells of Westminster Abbey, where William and Kate were married a little over two years ago, will also peal for over three hours, in keeping with royal tradition. It's not yet known where William and Catherine will take the baby after their discharge from hospital, but it may be hard to escape the world's interest. But of interest to us tonight is the spell check issue, so let's get back to that. The sometimes annoying, but frankly indispensable computer aid has spared billions of typographical blushes. Now, an ingenious prototype pen developed by a German start-up is promising to give our longhand writing a similar sort of safety net. Lernstift (German for "learning pen") is a digital pen with a difference, carrying not only ink inside its casing but also a tiny computer that alerts users to spelling errors. Daniel Kaesmacher, co-founder of Lernstift told CNN: "Basically there are two functions. The calligraphy mode which helps you correct individual letters, and the orthography mode which vibrates when a word is misspelled." The AAA battery-powered Linux computer includes a vibration module and a patent pending non-optical motion sensor which recognizes specific movements and shapes of letters and words. The pen employs a menagerie of sensors, including a gyroscope (for measuring orientation), accelerometer (for calculating propulsion), and magnetometer (a device that measures the strength and direction of magnetic fields) - all to calculate the pen's 3-D movements. But the truth is, I couldn't care less. I have very little use for a pen in this electronic world.

Tour de Froome

Chris Froome celebrated his Tour de France victory last night (Central European Summer Time) in front of a glowing Arc de Triomphe on the Champs-Elysees, as organizers held the final stage at night for the first time to mark the race's 100th anniversary. "To win the 100th edition is an honour beyond any I've dreamed," Froome said. "This yellow jersey will stand the test of time." For Froome, who defended the race lead for 13 stages, the finish line in Paris could not have come soon enough. He completed more than 2,100 miles in 83 hours and 56 minutes. After appearing to be superhuman during the Tour's first two weeks, Froome showed signs of fatigue on the final days in the Alps. On Thursday's stage on l'Alpe d'Huez, Froome lost ground to Colombian rider Nairo Quintana and Spain's Joaquin Rodriguez. But I don't really care, as long as that drug cheat Lance Armstrong didn't win. And I hope Froome isn't also pumped up on steroids. But the people of a town in Colorado are pumped up about government drones, and to that end, Deer Trail is considering a measure that would allow its residents to hunt for federal drones and shoot them down. "Is it illegal? Of course it is. But it's also illegal to spy on American citizens," resident Phillip Steel told CNN in a phone interview. "If they fly in town, we will shoot them down." Steel said he wrote the ordinance after he learned the Federal Aviation Administration "loosened regulations that would allow the flight of drones in domestic airspace." The Town Board of Trustees will vote on the drone ordinance in two weeks time. If passed, it would legalize the sale of drone hunting licenses for US$25 and offer bounties for captured drones. Six trustees and the mayor make up the board. It would take a simple majority vote (just four out of seven) to pass the ordinance. But they should remember that drones, which are cheaper to operate than helicopters, are good at more than just spying. They can be used for multiple tasks, such as monitoring crops and livestock, and assessing building damage (to name a few). So anyone in Deer Trail who does get a license to hunt drones should remember to be selective about which drones to hunt down and which ones to leave alone.

Glee lives on even though Monteith won't

After Fox TV announced on Friday that "Glee" would resume production in August — after delaying due to the death of actor Cory Monteith — show creator Ryan Murphy explained that the decision to continue filming ultimately rested with actress Lea Michele. "The person who made the decision was Lea, who felt that the best thing for the cast and crew was to be together and to get back to work," Murphy said, in an interview with E! News. "We decided to do that with Lea's blessing and we're going to go back to work and have grief counselors on the set for two weeks because people are really hurting." Murphy added that if Michele had wanted to walk away from the show altogether, he would have pulled the plug. But even if they did pull the plug, it wouldn't have been the first time a TV series was pulled after one of the stars died. In the late 80s, there was a TV show on called My Sister Sam. They pulled it after one of the stars, Rebecca Schaeffer, was fatally shot on Nelson Mandela's 71st birthday. And speaking of Nelson Mandela, The Weinstein Company released the first official U.S. trailer for Nelson Mandela biopic, Long Walk to Freedom, last week. It arrived just in time for the former South African president's 95th birthday. Mandela, who led his nation out of apartheid, has been hospitalized in Pretoria for more than one month with a lung infection. In this video, actor Idris Elba steps into the shoes of a younger Mandela, taking viewers through a journey from the revolutionary's childhood in a rural village to his inauguration as South Africa's first democratically elected president — including all the hardships in between.

Take Back the Twentieth

There is little about the horror that unfolded in a dark Colorado movie theater that Eugene Han and Kirstin Davis can forget. There's the sound of the gunfire, the screams, and the chaos that followed as James Holmes opened fire in a rampage that left 12 people dead and 58 wounded, among them Han and Davis. One year later, the couple are taking back THAT day, replacing the fear they felt with the love they have for one another, when they marry today (Mountain Daylight Time) - a year to the day of the shooting rampage. "My thought process was that everyone has a date that they want to get married on that means something special to them," Han said Thursday on CNN's Piers Morgan Live. "For us, it was a night of terror and all that. So we wanted to change the date and, you know, make it our own." But enough about that because a machine that takes sweat-laden clothes and turns the moisture into drinking water is in use in Sweden. The device, which promotes a Unicef campaign highlighting the fact that 780 million people in the world lack access to clean water, spins and heats the material to remove the sweat, and then passes the vapour through a special membrane designed to only let water molecules get through. Since its Monday launch, its creators say more than 1,000 people have "drunk other's sweat" in Gothenburg. They add the liquid is cleaner than local tap water. That's actually quite a bold claim they're making, because drinking sweat is disgusting. If you want to drink a liquid made from sweat, that's fine but I'm not drinking somebody else's sweat, especially if they're charging for it. It's just not worth it.

VLC goes back into the iOS game

VLC, the media player that enables users to watch nearly every video format on iOS devices, is back after a two-year hiatus. A spin-off of the popular desktop version, VideoLAN's VLC was pulled from the App Store due to open source licensing issues a few months after launch in October 2010. The problems have been settled now, and the app is currently being rolled out for both the iPhone and the iPad. But that's not all - several new features are on the table as well, including AirPlay support, network streaming, background audio playback, subtitles support, video filters, and Dropbox integration. These are all great features but they don't stack up to this: Cambodian opposition leader Sam Rainsy arrived in Phnom Penh nine days before a national election, ending a four-year exile after receiving a royal pardon for charges he says were politically motivated. Thousands of cheering supporters greeted Sam Rainsy, who stood on a makeshift stage at the airport to greet the crowd, according to live footage on his Cambodia National Rescue Party’s website. The former finance minister has lived abroad since 2009 to avoid jail time for falsifying maps and inciting racial discrimination. King Norodom Sihamoni pardoned Sam Rainsy last week following a request from Prime Minister Hun Sen, who has ruled the country in various coalitions since 1985. Cambodians will pick a new parliament on July 28.

A knife with a nose

An "intelligent" knife that can sniff out tumours to improve cancer surgery has been developed by scientists. The Imperial College London team hope to overcome the dangerous and common problem of leaving bits of the tumour in a patient, which can then regrow. Early results, in the journal Science Translational Medicine, showed the "iKnife" could accurately identify cancerous tissue on the spot. It is now being tested in clinical trials to see if it saves lives, which it hopefully will. But enough about that because Papiss Cisse has reportedly withdrawn from Newcastle's pre-season tour of Portugal after refusing to wear a club sponsor's logo on religious grounds. The Senegal striker, who is a Muslim, told club officials he was not prepared to promote Wonga, a firm which offers short-term, high-interest loans. So what does that have to do with Islam? Islamic law forbids borrowing or paying money with interest, also known as riba. 28-year-old Cisse did offer to wear an unbranded shirt or one bearing a charity logo instead. Newcastle United should at the very least consider such a compromise, because other sports teams have made concessions to the faith of their Muslim players. For example, South African cricketer Hashim Amla has been allowed to wear shirts without the logo of team sponsor Castle Lager because of the Islamic prohibition of alcohol consumption.

Death By School Meal: The True Indian Story

If Jamie Oliver isn't a good enough reason for you not to trust the free school meals, here's another: at least 21 children have died and dozens more have fallen sick after eating a tainted school meal in India's eastern state of Bihar. The poisoning occurred at a government school in the village of Masrakh in Saran district. A probe has been launched and 200,000 rupees (almost NZ$4,300) in compensation offered to the families of each of the dead. Speaking of the dead, Cory Monteith, star of the hit TV musical comedy Glee, died from a heroin and alcohol overdose, a coroner in British Columbia has announced. The 31-year-old Canadian actor, who played Finn Hudson in the Fox TV hit, was found dead in a Vancouver hotel room on Saturday. Monteith, who had been in the musical comedy since its 2009 start, was treated for drug addiction in April. But enough about that because robot cars are closer to being a reality. The driverless cars will be tested on public roads by the end of 2013, according to the British government. So far, UK trials of the autonomous vehicles have taken place only on private land. Driverless cars are guided by a system of sensors and cameras and are seen as potentially safer and more efficient than regular vehicles. I can think of at least one way that this safety can be realised: if the person sitting where the driver's seat used to be has been drinking or doing drugs, it won't matter because the car is driving itself instead of being under the control of somebody under the influence. But it could also put people out of a job if said job relies mainly on driving vehicles.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Sharks

A teenage girl has been killed by a shark while swimming off the French island of Reunion in the Indian Ocean. The 15-year-old victim, who had travelled from mainland France to visit her father in Reunion, was attacked yesterday while snorkelling a few metres from the shore at Saint-Paul on the west coast, local officials say. It is the second fatal shark attack near the island so far this year. This is why sharks need to go. They are a danger to humans and many good (and not so good) people fall victim to them every day. Sharks are an unnecessary waste of space which could go to more deserving species. So if you're planning a trip to Reunion (or anywhere else for that matter), then remember to bring a harpoon. You never know when you will need it.

Gotta live, gotta live gotta live, in a crap town

It’s the scourge of tourist boards across Britain. Now the increasingly infamous publication "Crap Towns" has published its long list for 2013. Of 100 maligned British villages, towns, and cities on the list, a shortlisted 50 will be included in a book, "Crap Towns Returns," to be released in October. Readers nominate towns for inclusion in the list; these are often places they live in or grew up in and escaped from. Perpetuating a tradition of eloquent British miserabilism that stretches from Robert Burton’s 17th-century "Anatomy of Melancholy," through the poetry of Philip Larkin and the Gothic pop lyrics of The Smiths, "Crap Towns" encourages readers to supplement their nominations with lyrically bleak descriptions. The result is a publication the Sunday Telegraph has praised as a “Domesday book of misery.” It may well be utter misery to find the name of your town in that book, but there's no misery in the fact that scientists say they have found a more accurate way to measure time. We currently use atomic clocks to count the seconds, but tests on an alternative atomic timekeeper have revealed that it is more precise. The devices, called optical lattice clocks, lost just one second every 300 million years - making them three times as accurate as current atomic clocks. Writing in Nature Communications, the team said they offered a better system for defining the second. That's actually quite impressive, but another clock is also undergoing development - an ion clock. This clock loses just one second every few billion years, but because it relies on a single ion, it is not yet deemed to be stable enough for widespread use. So just stick to the optical lattice model until the ion clock can be perfected.

Sum Ting Wong with the pilots' names

A TV station in the US has apologised after making a jaw-dropping error while reporting on Asiana Flight 214. The mistake? KTVU told viewers the names of the pilots onboard the crashed plane were "Sum Ting Wong," "Wi Tu Lo," "Ho Lee Fuk," and "Bang Ding Ow" - names that were obviously fake and racially offensive. Newsreader Tori Campbell didn't even bat an eyelid as she read out the names in a serious tone. And speaking of bats, vandals smashed car windows with a bat in a string of attacks in Tauranga last night. Police received several calls after a group travelling in a white hatchback targeted parked cars in Carmichael Rd, Christopher St, and Devonport Rd last night. Police said it appeared the group had been attacking the cars with a bat-type object, smashing the car windows and panels. That is not cool. People should not go round smashing cars. And they also shouldn't use their beliefs as an excuse not to help out their patients. Case in point: Blenheim woman Melissa Pont thought her doctor was "joking" when he refused to give the contraceptive pill. 23-year-old Pont had recently moved to Blenheim with her fiance, Callum Alexander, and went to see Dr Joseph Lee at the Wairau Community Clinic to renew her prescription of the contraceptive pill. "I went in and all I needed was a repeat of the pill and he said he would not give me a prescription because he was 'pro-life'," Pont told The Press today. "I thought he was joking. It didn't seem real that he would not give it to me. I started getting quite annoyed, especially as I had just waited an hour in reception." Lee recommended Pont use the "rhythm" contraceptive method, an un-reliable method of using a calendar and not having sex on "fertile" days. That's just stupid. Part of Lee's job involves putting his anti-choice beliefs aside and helping out his patient, because that's what doctors are supposed to do.

A new pair of genes

A disease which robs children of the ability to walk and talk has been cured by pioneering gene therapy to correct errors in their DNA, say doctors. The study, in the journal Science, showed the three patients were now going to school. A second study published at the same time has shown a similar therapy reversing a severe genetic disease affecting the immune system. Gene therapy researchers said it was a "really exciting" development. Both diseases are caused by errors in the patient's genetic code - the manual for building and running their bodies. Gene therapy has come so far in recent times - clinical trials have succeeded in treating Parkinson's and giving mice back their sense of smell. So to all you naysayers stuck in the past, I have this to say to you: you can't stop progress. And you can't stop Gangnam Style either - it's almost at 1.75 billion views.

Return of the Typewriter: Kremlin Style

Russia's agency responsible for the Kremlin security is buying typewriters - a move reportedly prompted by recent leaks by WikiLeaks and Edward Snowden. A 486,540-rouble (almost NZ$19000) order for electric typewriters has been placed by the FSO agency on the state procurement website. The FSO has not commented on why it needs the old-fashioned devices. But an agency source told Russia's Izvestiya newspaper the aim was to prevent leaks from computer hardware. "After scandals with the distribution of secret documents by WikiLeaks, the exposes by Edward Snowden, and reports about Dmitry Medvedev being bugged during his visit to the G20 London summit in 2009, it has been decided to expand the practice of creating paper documents," the source said. The source added that typewriters were already being used at Russia's defence and emergencies ministries for drafts and secret notes, and some reports had been prepared for President Vladimir Putin by typewriter. It's nice to see that the old gadgets still have a use in this smartphone- and tablet-dominated era, but typewriters can't compare to the camera on Nokia's Lumia 1020. The new handset has a 41 megapixel sensor which Nokia claims can record "details never thought possible from a smartphone". It says consumers will be able to zoom in and reframe their photos without worrying about the image quality suffering. Analysts who have tested the device said that it was "without doubt" the best smartphone camera on the market. But they added that was not a guarantee that it would be a bestseller, especially considering there can only be one bestseller in that department: the iPhone. But their App Store is populated by many "zombie" programs which get next-to-no downloads, new research suggests. Figures from tracking service Adeven indicate over two-thirds of apps in the store are barely ever installed by consumers. However Apple has said that 90% of all apps in the marketplace - which is marking its five-year anniversary - are downloaded at least once a month. Just remember, guys, that it only needs as little as 12 downloads each year to come to at least one a month. Nevertheless, Apple boss Tim Cook said the store had "fundamentally changed the world". Speaking to app developers at the firm's recent developer's conference, the chief executive said: "Customers love the buying experience and they love your incredible apps. And they have now downloaded 50 billion apps. "That's a lot of zeros and a truly staggering number." Too bad none of those are being ordered by the Kremlin.

PC continues its dive

Global personal computer (PC) sales have fallen for the fifth quarter in a row, making it the "longest duration of decline" in history. Worldwide PC shipments totalled 76 million units in the second quarter, a 10.9% drop from a year earlier, according to research firm Gartner. PC sales have been hurt in recent years by the growing popularity of tablets. And if you think that the Mayans had something to do with this, they didn't. It's just a sign of the market evolving. And speaking of evolution, a somewhat tongue-in-cheek article in The Guardian is proposing some rather interesting predictions for the future of humanity — changes to human form and function that would even make some of the X-Men jealous. To make his predictions, Dean Burnett worked under the assumption that biotechnology will be used to address ongoing selectional pressures. "Evolution is obviously a complex process," he writes, "But it's also a slow process. This means you can make claims about it and by the time it progresses to the point where you're proved right or wrong, you'll be long dead so it won't matter." Ultimately, the question he asks is, what could humans end up being like if current cultural trends and features remain relatively constant over the next few million years? To find out, click here.

Lats to go

Latvia will adopt the euro from the beginning of next year, becoming the 18th member of a currency union that just a year ago risked disintegration due to the credit crisis. European Union finance ministers gave the ex-Soviet state on the Baltic Sea the green light Tuesday to swap its currency - the lats - for euros starting on Jan. 1, following recommendations from EU officials and the European Central Bank. That's good news, but even better is that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev will appear in public for the first time since his arrest in the Boston bombings. And I hope that that bellend is given the chair.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Whaling

Japan is defending its whale hunting in the Southern Ocean, following New Zealand's fourth visit to The Hague supporting Australia's action against the country's whaling. Attorney-General Chris Finlayson presented to the International Court of Justice in the Netherlands last night in what is the third and final week of Australia's court battle against Japanese whaling. The Australian Government wants the 16-judge panel to ban Tokyo's annual hunt on the basis it is not "for purposes of scientific research" as allowed under Article Eight of the 1946 International Convention for the Regulation of Whaling. They should ban it because in a series of cruel and heartless acts, Japan has killed more than 14,000 whales in the name of science since 1986, most of those in the Southern Ocean. The nation is defending its research programme, which is just a lie to cover up their greedy and money-hungry ways. Commercial whaling, whether conducted openly or under the guise of science, is a cruel and outdated practice which produces no science of value. The court's decision will be important not only for whales in the Southern Ocean Whale Sanctuary, but for future compliance with all multilateral environmental agreements.

The rules need to be interchanged

I have never quite worked out when you know something is wrong why you then wait before you fix it. The trackpad on my laptop hasn't worked since the end of March, but I have a USB mouse that will just have to do for now because it's cheaper than getting the trackpad fixed. That's a problem that can be worked around, but your hot water isn't. If your hot water service breaks down, do you give it a few weeks before calling in a plumber? I wouldn't. So why wait until season’s end to fix up a rule that clearly should never have been put in place? Good question. And the people who should prepare to answer it are the AFL. Rather than castigate the individual responsible, they should use Saturday night’s interchange disaster as the catalyst to correct a rule that is a blight on the competition. The mistake was made at the 18-minute mark of the last quarter when Geelong’s Josh Hunt was deemed to have illegally entered the field of play, providing Hawthorn’s David Hale with a 50-metre penalty which he converted from straight in front 30m out. The collective group of so-called geniuses on the Rules Committee who came up with the penalty should now be big enough to admit the punishment far exceeds the crime, and change is required.

Speaking of change, the new series of Singapore coins (pictured) put into circulation on June 25 will take some getting used to, going by the initial public reception. The main issue, said several business owners and members of the public whom My Paper spoke to yesterday, was how similar the new 50-cent coin felt in weight and size to the 20-cent coin from the previous series. Ms Caren Tan, who runs a newsstand at HDB Hub in Toa Payoh, said: "It's confusing as the old 50-cent coin is much bigger. We must be careful when collecting money (from customers)." Mr C. H. Chong, who works as an engineer, said he will "take some time to get used to" the new 50-cent coin. Coffee-shop owner Kenneth Lee said that about 10 patrons who received the new coins did not recognise them at first glance. He said: "We may have to wait a month or two before customers become familiar with the new coins." So what? I like their new coins. I liked their old coins too, but I do like their new coins. They could also put out a $2 coin.

A penny for baby

There's a treat in store for anyone in Britain whose baby arrives on the same day that Prince William and his wife, Catherine, deliver a royal heir - the gift of a coin from the Royal Mint to celebrate the birth. The silver penny will be dated 2013 and come in a blue pouch for a boy or a pink one for a girl. To claim the silver coin, UK parents whose baby's birth coincides with that of the royal baby will have to register through the Royal Mint's Facebook page and upload a scanned copy of the birth certificate within 60 days. It is making 2,013 of the coins available. But what won't be available is a cheese that has mites in it. Indignation is growing among cheese-lovers in France and the US after Washington slapped an import ban on said cheese, known as mimolette, at the end of May, leaving 1.5 tonnes of the item impounded at a warehouse. American food inspectors object to the use of mites to refine its flavour. So what if the cheese has mites in it? That could be something worth trying. But what isn't worth trying is this new fad where men are secretly seeking and spreading HIV. The reckless practice, known as bug chasing, started in the US as a bizarre means of getting a ­sexual high from risk-taking. Now, according to one man who willingly caught the virus, hundreds of men in the UK are introducing themselves on online forums, Face­book groups, and Twitter. Many then meet up and try to transmit the potentially life-threatening virus, which attacks the ­immune system weakening the body’s ability to fight disease. Some bug-chasers actually claim the virus gives them a better quality of life because of the medication they subsequently have to take. This is stupid and highly irresponsible. Nobody should want HIV. Bug chasing needs to be ­addressed, and people need to be aware of the risks from a young age and receive the help they need if they are feeling compelled to act this way.

Snowden soon to live the Venezuelan dream

Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro has offered asylum to U.S. intelligence leaker Edward Snowden, the state-run AVN news agency reported yesterday, without offering details. The report came shortly after Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega said he would grant Snowden asylum in his country "if the circumstances permit." Ortega didn't elaborate on his announcement, made during a speech in Managua, except to say his country is "open and respectful to the right of asylum." "It's clear that that if the circumstances permit it we will gladly receive Snowden and will grant him asylum here in Nicaragua," Ortega said. Meanwhile, an Icelandic lawmaker said Snowden would not get citizenship there, as he had requested, because Iceland's parliament refused to vote on an asylum proposal before ending its current session. That doesn't really matter too much because Snowden has been granted asylum and can now leave Moscow after being holed up at Sheremetyevo International Airport since June 23, when he arrived from Hong Kong. Being granted asylum also means that Snowden can enjoy Rapiro, which is a humanoid robot that can be programmed to do various tasks — including make you coffee. The kit was created by a Japanese company as a "catalyst between robotics and Raspberry Pi." The credit-card sized, Linux-based PC known as Raspberry Pi is designed to work with the basic hardware of Rapiro, allowing you to program it to do many things, such as manage your calendar or tell you the weather, in addition to making the coffee. Sadly, one person that won't be able to enjoy it goes by the name Simon Jonathan Thompson. The 52-year-old has been charged with the murder of his 11-year-old daughter Rebecca, who was found strangled in her Hertfordshire home. She was found in her home in Bushey by police on Saturday 22 June. Mr Thompson will appear before Hatfield Remand Court today (British Summer Time), Hertfordshire Police said. Earlier, Rebecca's head teacher, Rita Cooper, from Sacred Heart Primary School in Bushey, said she was a "hard working" girl who "did well in her learning" and "was looking forward to secondary school".

Morales turns negative over Snowden false positive

President Evo Morales has threatened to close the US embassy in Bolivia after his official plane was banned from European airspace. The warning came as four other South American leaders offered him support at a special summit yesterday. His plane was forced to land in Austria on Tuesday after France, Portugal, Italy, and Spain apparently barred it from flying through their airspace. There were unfounded suspicions that US fugitive Edward Snowden was on board, when in actual fact, the former CIA contractor is believed to be holed up at the transit area of Moscow airport after leaking details of a vast US surveillance programme. But enough about that because transgender students in California would be able to choose which school bathrooms and locker rooms to use and which sport teams to join based on their gender identity under a measure approved this week by the California Legislature. The proposal now awaits the signature of Gov. Jerry Brown, whose office has declined to comment on whether or not he will sign it. The proposal would be the first state law in the nation that specifically requires equal access to public school facilities and activities based on gender identity, though some states have general policies to the same effect, said Shannon Price Minter, legal director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, one of several groups backing the legislation. Also in need of backing is an atheist group who unveiled the nation’s first public monument to secularism outside a county courthouse in Florida last week. That's right, the courthouse is now home to a 1,500-pound gray granite bench engraved with quotations extolling the separation of church and state. The group American Atheists said it had decided to put up its own monument only after failing to force Bradford County to remove the six-ton statue of the Ten Commandments that a Christian group had put up nearby. The atheist group has vowed to erect 50 more such monuments around the country on public sites where the Ten Commandments now stand alone. It says that an anonymous donor will foot that bill — the monument in Florida cost about US$6,000 — and that it is hearing from atheists who are already offering to serve as plaintiffs in lawsuits if there is opposition and lead the charge in their communities. It's not a bad idea. In fact, they should build monuments to many other religions because true equality means all or none. Christian have had an unfair privilege for at least the last 150 years, so it's time that they be stripped of their privilege and brought to equality with other belief systems.

Morsi is no more-si

World leaders respond to the dramatic events in Egypt following the army's overthrow of the first democratically elected president, Mohammed Morsi, after days of anti-government unrest. The army's move to suspend the constitution has drawn a cautious response from leaders in the Western world, with many calling for restraint and a peaceful transition of power. Some countries in the Gulf, however, have welcomed Morsi's ousting. But now that the army are back in power, they need to move quickly and responsibly to return full authority back to a democratically elected civilian government as soon as possible through an inclusive and transparent process, and to avoid any arbitrary arrests of Morsi and his supporters. The chance of a democratic future was already hard won for Egypt by the Egyptian people two and a half years ago, and with that in mind, military intervention should not be necessary to resolve disputes in a democratic system. The preservation of fundamental rights, including freedom of speech and assembly, remains of vital importance. Also of vital importance is a pyramid in Peru that was bulldozed. Authorities say the pyramid, situated at the oldest archaeological site near the capital, has been destroyed. They are pressing criminal charges against two real-estate companies blamed for tearing down the structure, which was 6 metres high. The pyramid in question was one of 12 found at the El Paraiso complex near Lima and is thought to be at least 4,000 years old. According to Peru's tourism ministry, it was a religious and administrative centre long before the pre-Columbian Inca civilisation. That was just not on. Bulldozing ancient ruins for one's own agenda is a symbol of greed and disrespect. Those bellends have committed irreparable damage to a page of Peruvian history.

A real fecal storm's a-brewin'

Germany's standard dictionary has included a vulgar English term, used by Chancellor Angela Merkel among others, as an acceptable German word. Duden, the equivalent of the Oxford English Dictionary in the UK, said it was reflecting the common use of the word "shitstorm" among Germans. The word, which is used in German to denote a public outcry, seems to have caught on during the eurozone crisis. And speaking of public outcries, Mohammed Morsi has insisted he remains the legitimate president of Egypt, as mass protests claimed more lives in the capital, Cairo. In a late-night TV address, Mr Morsi rejected an army ultimatum that the crisis be resolved by today (local time). Mr Morsi said he would not be dictated to and urged protesters to remain peaceful. However, at least 16 people died at one pro-Morsi rally overnight. That does not fit my definition, or anyone else's, of a peaceful protest. But it's still better news than a flight that got diverted unnecessarily. That's right, Bolivian President Evo Morales's plane had to be diverted to Austria amid suspicion that US intelligence leaker Edward Snowden, who is reportedly seeking asylum in Bolivia and 20 other countries to avoid extradition to the US, was on board. Officials in both Austria and Bolivia said Mr Snowden was not on the plane. France and Portugal reportedly refused to allow the Moscow-Bolivia flight to cross their airspace after they had closed their airspace over the "huge lie" that Mr Snowden was on board. I'm sure they meant well, but this is just overkill. What if every single flight in the world is diverted over something silly like that? Nobody would get anywhere if that rubbish became a habit.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Rocket explosions

Just like the Challenger 27 years before it, an unmanned Russian rocket veered off course and exploded in a fireball today, seconds after liftoff from a launch pad in Kazakhstan. There were no immediate reports of casualties. The Proton-M rocket was carrying three satellites for Russia's Global Navigation Satellite System, (also known as Glonass or Globalnaya navigatsionnaya sputnikovaya sistema), reported the RIA Novosti news agency. But what is this Glonass toy's use, I hear you ask? Glonass is the Russian equivalent to the United States' Global Positioning System, or GPS. It both complements and provides an alternative to the United States' Global Positioning System (GPS) and is the only alternative navigational system in operation with global coverage and of comparable precision. But why not just stick with regular GPS? If they'd done that, then that would be one less project to send stuff up in the air for, one less source of space junk, and one less reason to put rockets at risk of exploding. It's just not worth it.

Cirque du Soleil becomes Cirque du Fatal Fall

Croatia has become the 28th member of the European Union, with crowds joining celebrations in the capital Zagreb. Fireworks lit the sky as membership became effective at midnight local time, with President Ivo Josipovic describing the event as historic. It comes almost two decades after Croatia's brutal war of independence. But correspondents say enthusiasm for the EU in the country has been dampened by the eurozone crisis, and by Croatia's own economic problems. But there is a chance that Croatia can make it work. Not working, however, is the Muslim Brotherhood government in Egypt, according to anti-government protesters who have stormed the Brotherhood's headquarters in Cairo. Protesters across Egypt have accused President Mohammed Morsi of failing to tackle economic and security problems since being elected a year ago. His supporters have insisted he needs more time, which he probably does. But sadly, there is no more time for an acrobat in the famous Cirque du Soleil. The acrobat, Paris-born Sarah Guyard-Guillot, died after falling off a stage during a show in Las Vegas. She had performed in the Ka show at the MGM Grand since 2006. Guyard-Guillot, who is also a mother of two, was pronounced dead late on Saturday night in hospital after falling 15 metres from the stage. Her death is believed to be the first fatality during a live performance in the show's 30-year history.