Smokers on a Plane

The Bellend of the Month for December 2017 is Valerie Curbelo, who was arrested for an incident on a Southwest Airlines flight on the 10th. The airline says it all started with a cigarette that Curbelo was smoking in the bathroom somewhere between Portland and Sacramento, and according to the airline, she had gone so far as to tamper with the smoke detector. So a flight attendant barged in on the woman - this at least got her out of the bathroom, but it did little else to improve the situation on Flight 2943. Curbelo then proceeded to rip an oxygen mask out of the ceiling as crew forced her back to her seat, and indeed, a mask appears to dangle in the plane aisle as seen in a video of the ensuing tirade. “I have a destination for myself!” she yells as a passenger behind her looks up from his tablet and stares. She is wearing a hat, sunglasses, and overcoat, and collecting her belongings as if to disembark the midair flight. “I swear, if you don’t . . . land,” the woman says, as a flight attendant blocks her from the aisle, “I will f—ing kill everybody on this f—ing plane!” “You will not,” the attendant says. “You will not.” “I will!” A scuffle in the aisle ends the video. The man who took it told reporters that the woman had to be restrained by passengers and crew for the next half-hour. Meanwhile, the airline said, pilots called in an emergency and landed in Sacramento, somehow more or less on schedule. Sheriff’s deputies were waiting at the airport, where they arrested Curbelo on a felony charge of making a death threat and jailed her on $75,000 bail. Next time, I just wouldn't smoke on board.

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Ho Ho but no third Ho

Jesse Lingard was United's saviour on Boxing Day, as the half-time substitute scored twice to cancel out a shock advantage gleaned for Burnley by Ashley Barnes's second-minute opener and Steven Defour's free-kick. Lingard pulled the first goal back with a clever backheeled finish from a low Ashley Young cross in the 53rd minute but the Reds were made to wait until injury time for his point-saving second strike, a low finish arrowed into the net after the Clarets failed to clear a corner. There has always been a fierce rivalry between United and Burnley and games have invariably been feisty occasions. This latest encounter against one of Lancashire’s most famous clubs got off to an explosive start when the Clarets took the lead in only the third minute, but it's going to suck for them in the long run if they get relegated.

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Reds foxed out

There was to be no early Christmas present for Manchester United fans as despite having numerous opportunities to secure three points, a stoppage time Harry Maguire goal meant the Reds had to settle for a 2-2 draw against 10-man Leicester City at the King Power Stadium. Jose Mourinho's men dominated the game and should have been out of sight after Juan Mata's brace cancelled out Jamie Vardy's opener and when Daniel Amartey was shown red late on for two fouls in quick succession the game looked won, but Maguire popped up at the back post to secure an unlikely point for the hosts with virtually the last kick of the game. But there is still the first months of 2018 in which to improve their position on the table.

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Baggies bagged again on home turf

Manchester United picked up three more vital points after a narrow, but deserving, 2-1 win over a battling West Bromwich Albion side at The Hawthorns on Sunday. The Reds grabbed a third consecutive away win in the Premier League as two goals in eight first-half minutes from Romelu Lukaku and Jesse Lingard were enough for the three points, despite substitute Gareth Barry scrambling the ball home late on. Jose Mourinho made three changes following the win over Bournemouth in midweek with Ashley Young, Ander Herrera, and Marcus Rashford all coming in. It was a strange coincidence that the fixture list threw up a trip to The Hawthorns for the Reds on exactly the same date as last season – 17 December. A year ago to the day, a brace from Zlatan Ibrahimovic ensured a routine 2-0 victory for United and the Reds started in postive fashion this time around with much of the early ball possession. But there's more to it than coincidences - there's this thing other teams have been known to try known as putting the ball in the back of the net.

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Pickin' off the Cherries

Manchester United bounced back from the disappointment of the derby as a Romelu Lukaku header secured a 1-0 win over a stubborn Bournemouth at Old Trafford. United had a 40-match unbeaten home run in all competitions ended by Manchester City on Sunday, but got back to winning ways thanks to a first-half Lukaku bullet header. Substitute Marcus Rashford rattled the crossbar midway through the second period, but the single goal was enough for the vital three points. But it's going to take them a lot more to get to the top and win their first Premiership since 2013.

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Blue panic at derby

Manchester United slipped 11 points behind Manchester City in the race for the Premier League title after agonisingly losing 2-1 in a fiery derby at Old Trafford. This was a match in which records were inevitably set to be broken one way or another. United were looking to set a new club standard of 41 home matches unbeaten in all competitions - a sequence which ironically began after a 2-1 defeat against City in last season's first derby. The Blues, meanwhile, came into this game unbeaten away from home all season and were looking to break the record for successive Premier League wins in a single season. David Silva put the visitors ahead shortly before half-time following a corner, before Marcus Rashford levelled matters just four minutes later, capitalising on Fabian Delph's mistake in first-half injury time. Nicolas Otamendi grabbed the bragging rights for City nine minutes into the second half as he poked home after the ball fell fortunately to him after a Kevin De Bruyne free-kick was only cleared into his path. The heroic Ederson denied Romelu Lukaku and Juan Mata with a stunning double save late on as City hung on. It might have been City's day but it can still be United's year.

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Gunnin' the Gunners

Manchester United claimed a first Premier League win for three years over Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium in an enthralling encounter which featured great goals, a red card, and a David De Gea masterclass. A goal from Antonio Valencia and a brace from the in-form Jesse Lingard were enough to see off an Arsenal side who had not lost at home since January. But the Reds' superb victory was down in no small part to De Gea, who was in scintillating form. The only negative of the afternoon was the red card for Paul Pogba, who will miss the next three matches including next Sunday's huge derby clash. But I'm sure they can pull another win together without him.

I has cheezburger!

 

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