All clamped up and no place to go

Another month over, another induction for the Sick Phoque Club. June 2019's induction: Elite Parking Services. A grieving mother has been left to fight said parking enforcement company after her car was clamped while she was giving a statement to police about her son's death. Her friend went to the station for moral support and was left furious at the clamper's lack of sympathy. The pair parked outside 20 Sel Peacock Dr in West Auckland on June 12 due to a lack of parks at the Henderson police station. When they returned to the car they discovered the clamp and begged the police to talk to the clampers, but the manager would not consider a refund - instead she had to pay $200 to get her car released. Elite Parking Services owner Gordon Ward said his clampers were just doing their job and the car park the women parked in was clearly signposted as for customers only. He said clampers had been told not to remove clamps on site even if somebody protests due to concerns people would be able to lie to get out of fines. However he would probably refund the grieving mother. "If she appeals in writing, I will make sure she gets her money back because I will be involved. She is under immense stress and we don't want to add to that anymore. But I'm not too sure about her friend." This is why clamping should be regulated with more than just the voluntary code we have now.

Now that's how you play Cards Against Humanity

 

Chuck some Washingtons his way

 

How a forked tongue can land you in heap big trouble

 

Hats off to the original pawn star

Red pill for me, how about you?

 

Bratwurst always beats meatballs

The cost of Big Pharma's quest for 100% autism

 

What the actual phoque?

 

That's a weird spelling of "volunteers as tribute"

 

This is why Brazil came back for 2018

Spitburger, hold the saliva

A New York man has been left shocked after he discovered the waitress at a restaurant he was visiting asked the chef to spit in his meal. Curtis Mays was out to dinner at The Bohemian Hall and Beer Garden in Astoria, New York, to celebrate Father's Day when he made the sickening discovery. The waitress had left the request "Please spit in it too" after Mr Mays asked for his burger well done and the bread to be toasted. "I ate my burger already, I felt like I was going to throw up," Mr Mays told US television station ABC 7. He went to the front of house and complained immediately and the manager fired the waitress on the spot. Mr Mays was also given a full refund for his meal and the manager said it was very unlikely the chef had spat in his burger. The manager assured him the waitress had never behaved in such a manner before. Mr Mays believes she had put in the request after there was a mix up with the order. But just imagine if one of the consonants in spit was replaced with an h.

WTF made the most WTF mistake

 

Now this is how you get deported from the World Cup

 

Dirty Den Gone For Good!

EastEnders actor Leslie Grantham, best known as the roguish "Dirty" Den Watts in the BBC One soap, has died aged 71. Grantham had the opening line in the first episode of EastEnders and was at the heart of Walford life until 1989. He returned in 2003 before leaving for good two years later, following a tabloid scandal. Tributes have been paid by his EastEnders co-stars. Anita Dobson, who played Den's first wife Angie, said she was "deeply shocked and saddened". His agent said he died yesterday morning (local time) and that a private funeral will be held. And this comes eight years after the All Whites scored their first World Cup point when Winston Reid scored the equaliser in a 1-1 draw against Slovakia.

The World Cup of Beer - just don't drink all 32 in one sitting!

 

90 years before the future, Tesla predicted it

 

Something to get an ulcer over

 

Also stop killing trees to make wood and paper for those stupid signs!

Flamethrowers, Seuss style

 

You leave the marinara out of this!

 

The real tra-jeudi: it's samedi

 

Right on the money is Mr. Fury

 

Lads Wot Liquid Lunch

 

All Red-White-and-Blues?

ESPN senior American football writer Kevin Van Valkenburg has attracted vitriol after declaring that the USA would dominate world rugby if the NFL's top talent were to be made available. In a tweet, Van Valkenburg said: "Briefly watched college rugby today while getting a hair cut b/c they wouldn't turn on golf. Conclusion: If you gave me a year, Urban Meyer, Zeke Elliott, JJ Watt, Leonard Foutnette & an NFL practice squad, the US would so thoroughly dominate rugby, other countries would quit." This would actually be a good idea if USA Rugby sweetened the deal by increasing players' pay to levels comparable to the NFL and allowed players to kneel during the anthem.

The Sex-Files

 

Damn straight he got bit... by his doctor!

  

Legless at 29,000 feet

 

Stand, sit, kneel, we all need each other

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