Cherries end 2018 with loss

Manchester United beat Bournemouth 4-1 courtesy of a first-half Pogba brace and a goal each by Rashford and Lukaku. Neither Aké’s injury-time attack on the Reds’ net or Bailly’s red card could put a damper on what was both teams’ last game of 2018.

Drumpf, Drumpf hast, Drumpf hast mich

Taser Eclipse of the Heart

Just Jonah being Jonah

Another win means another three points

Manchester United won their game against Huddersfield 3-1, with Matic’s first-half goal and Pogba’s second-half brace being more than enough that Zanka’s 88th-minute strike didn’t matter.

Some guy legit just stuck an Android on the back of his iPhone

A Visit from Calvin and Hobbes

Christmas, Aussie Style

Welsh side schooled 5-1

Manchester United earned another three points from a 5-1 walloping of Cardiff City. Rashford, Herrera, and Martial scored for Man United in the first half; with Camarasa scoring Cardiff’s only goal in the 38th minute and Lingard scoring a second-half brace for the Red Devils.

Music is a gift that keeps on taking

Avocado's constant

Coming alive to the flat-pack generation

Swedish furniture giant Ikea will open its first store in New Zealand, the company announced today. Jesper Brodin, Ikea global chief executive, will host an event in Auckland on Friday, January 11, where an exhibition of "iconic Ikea range" will be on display. The company will be showing off its democratic design principals "where good design is the perfect combination of form, function, quality, and sustainability, all at an affordable price." The concept behind Ikea is to show people how their homes can be changed with the products which are displayed in the stores, so kitchens, bathrooms, bedrooms and lounge rooms are all shown, fully furnished. While the product range and prices are at this stage unknown, if the New Zealand Ikea is anything like in Australia, Kiwis could grab outdoor products like a three-seat sofa for A$465, table with four chairs for A$459, or a charcoal barbecue with cabinet for A$528. Spring bed mattresses start from A$99, and there are wardrobes at A$95, and clothing storage units at A$14.95. But the question is: will the products be any good?

A visit from the latest version of OneDrive

Shocking good bath

Lingard’s goal walks alone

Liverpool beat Manchester United 3-1, with Liverpool opening the scoring through Kane, answered by Lingard, and finishing with a Shaqiri brace in the second half.

Heil der Deutsche Sprache!

My dad drinking from his new mug

XMAS SURVIVAL GUIDE: A great idea for a game

1. Start with a room containing five monkeys. In the room, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. You don't need to wait long and a monkey will go to the stairs and start climbing towards the banana.

2. Now, as soon as the monkey touches the stairs, spray all the monkeys with cold water as punishment. After a while, another monkey gives it a try with the same result – all the monkeys are sprayed with cold water.

3. Next step, turn off the cold water. If, later, another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it even though no water sprays at them.

4. Now, remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be punished.

5. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

6. Again, replace a third original monkey with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

7. After replacing the fourth and fifth original monkey, all the monkeys that were sprayed with cold water have been replaced.

Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs, but no one really knows why. All the original monkeys who experienced the water-spraying punishment have been replaced.

What we're left with are five monkeys who know that they can't touch the banana, but they don't really know why. Because that's the way it's always been done around here.

Jesse an outlaw like his namesake Mr James

The man accused of murdering British backpacker Grace Millane was jeered in court as his identity was revealed publicly for the first time. The killer, 26-year-old Jesse Kempson, was called a “scumbag” by a heckler in the public gallery during his first appearance before a judge at Auckland's District Court in New Zealand. He appeared in a blue boiler suit and sat close to the family of his alleged victim, whose body was found dumped in woodland close to a busy road on Sunday. Ms Millane had been travelling in New Zealand when she disappeared, last seen allegedly in the company of the man at CityLife hotel on December 1. The defendant was listed on a charge sheet as residing at the hotel on Queen Street in central Auckland, and is supposed to be - get this - under name suppression. The court system here is a joke. HE KILLED SOMEONE. HE VIOLATED THE SIXTH BIBLICAL COMMANDMENT (fifth if you’re a Catholic). HE SHOULD BE NAMED AND SHAMED FOR WHAT HE DID TO GRACE. IT WAS A CIS WOMAN THIS TIME, BUT WHAT IF A TRANS WOMAN SUCH AS MYSELF WERE NEXT? THIS IS WHY WE NEED THE FOURTH ESTATE. WE NEED TO HOLD THE PIECE OF SCUM TO ACCOUNT FOR HIS ACTIONS, AND THIS IS WHAT WE AT DISSEMINATORS OF THE TRUTH WILL DO. NO COURT ORDER IN THE WORLD WILL STOP THE LIGHT FROM SHINING THROUGH THE DARKNESS.

Striking, Japanese style

Best way to get fired in like ever

Just face it already: there is no upgrade!

Four fabulous goals

And those were scored for Fulham by Manchester United’s very own Ashley Young, Juan Mata, Romelu Lukaku, and Marcus Rashford. Kamara scored for Fulham in the 67th minute, but teammate Anguissa got sent off in the 68th.

Second half of Infinity War finally gets official name

And that name is Avengers: End Game. To avoid confusion with an unrelated TV series known as The Avengers, the movie will be released in the UK and Ireland under the name Marvel Avengers Assemble: End Game.

Capitalist machine expands footprint in the Bay

Crowds of excited shoppers queued for the opening of the first stage of the $115 million redevelopment of the Bayfair Shopping Centre in Tauranga. Thirty new retail stories, many fashion and lifestyle product retailers, have joined Tauranga's main shopping mall including Mecca Maxima, Platypus Shoes, Redcurrent, Collette, The Source Bulk Foods, Macpac, Jacqui E, and Portmans. AMP Capital Shopping Centres managing director Mark Kirkland said the opening marked a milestone in the development with the additional 30 stores and an expanded shopping centre. I personally couldn’t care less. It’s all just another excuse to spend, spend, spend in the lead-up to the most commercialised holiday of the year. Parents will spend thousands on the latest tablet or smartphone for their kids and they won’t appreciate it and will just want a more expensive model next year. My iPhone 4S still works after seven years, and even though I upgraded just to upgrade, I didn’t go all the way up to a XS Max. I just went for the cheapest one that can still run the latest iOS (a space grey 5S).

Sorry again for the late post

Because I’m still doing too many late posts, all posts going forward will be done during the afternoon (NZ time) instead of at night.

LATE SPORTS UPDATE: Man United drew against Arsenal 2-2. The enemy goals were by Mustafi and Lacazette, with their equalisers being delivered by Martial and Lingard respectively.

Lame-duck doesn’t get lamer than this

Hundreds of protesters organized by Women’s March Michigan took to the state capitol building in Lansing, Michigan Tuesday to protest the actions of the state’s lame-duck legislature. This includes gutting the minimum wage increases that the legislature passed earlier this year. But Michigan Republicans have been up to so much more than that - for instance, after Michigan passed a ballot initiative expanding voting rights, lame-duck Republicans have been working to curtail those efforts. This includes state senator Mike Kowall (R) introducing legislation to roll back the voter-approved automatic voter registration initiative. Seriously, what a bunch of sore losers. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Earlier film gets first trailer

In a bizarre move - as the long, long wait for a first look at Avengers 4 continues - Kevin Feige's studio has instead promised a full trailer for Captain Marvel, which hits cinemas in March. This vaguely - but not quite - aligns with previous rumours suggesting an Avengers 4 trailer would come on Monday, followed by Captain Marvel on Wednesday. Were the two films just the wrong way around? I say yes. Captain Marvel will be released earlier so her trailer bloody well should be released first, then the second half of Infinity War. And why call them trailers if they’re played before the film as opposed to after?

Mugger loses to a girl

A would-be mugger in Brazil has been left begging for mercy after attempting to rob a female jiu-jitsu expert. As 22-year-old Sabrina Leites awaited outside her family home, 18-year-old Magdeel da Silva and his accomplice pulled up on a motorcycle and demanded her cell phone. But after Ms Leites decided to fight back, the pair attempted to flee. Da Silva's criminal partner managed to escape on the motorcycle, but left his friend alone to flee on foot. A neighbour saw the robbery attempt and ran da Silva over with a car. Then Ms Leites, who has a white belt in the fighting sport, turned the tables and pounced. Video shot by a bystander shows da Silva helpless in an arm-bar while crying in pain and begging for mercy. "No more, no more," he yells, while Ms Leites gives the thumbs-up sign. "When you have the technique you know how to act in a situation of immobilisation because all this is a technique of immobilisation," Ms Leites told media. Da Silva has been arrested and charged with attempted robbery, and that is why you need to be careful about who you try to rob.

Drawn-again Reds

Manchester United played to a 2-2 draw against Southampton with all scoring taking place in the first half - Armstrong and Cedric for Southampton then Lukaku and Herrera for United. They need to get back to the form they had under Sir Alex Ferguson and one point per game just won’t cut it.

George Be Not Alive

George HW Bush, the 41st president of the United States and the father of the 43rd, was a steadfast force on the international stage for decades, from his stint as an envoy to Beijing to his eight years as vice president and his one term as commander in chief from 1989 to 1993. The last veteran of World War II to serve as president, he was a consummate public servant and a statesman who helped guide the nation and the world out of a four-decade Cold War that had carried the threat of nuclear annihilation. His death at the age of 94 marks the passing of an era, one for which he will be remembered more for his broken campaign promise of no new taxes.