Glue for stronger bones

When your stepchildren are your senior

This is the Sick Phoque Club‘s biggest induction yet

And this month, it’s all of you lot. In your attempts to make everyone else’s life a living hell, you’ve made one man’s life much, much better. The man in question is Rick Astley, the singer of the internet’s trolling anthem “Never Gonna Give You Up,” which hit a billion views this week. While the song has been used in the context of bait-and-switch pranks for nearly two decades, all that linking has turned the song into one of YouTube’s top-performing videos. It turns out that we just can’t give up “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Originally released on July 27, 1987, “Never Gonna Give You Up” turned 34 this week. Reaching such a height is no small feat, even for a big birthday boy. The video joins the ranks of not just such other annoyances as Despacito (which has more views than any other video at almost 7.5 billion), Gangnam Style (first video to reach a billion), and Baby by Justin Bieber, but also real classics like A-Ha’s “Take On Me,” Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” and Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” but not Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” which hasn’t reached a billion views yet. To get Thriller into the club, click here. The link will take you to Thriller and is definitely not another rickroll, otherwise I might as well call this blog Disseminators of the Rickrolls.

This is where Rome’s priorities lay

Jonah doesn’t approve

Dogs reppin’ Heineken

This is how you announce the baby

This is how you bee

He won’t be back in his native tongue

Not the place to be during squirrel season

Quack that tomato

The egg chooses the sperm

Those bolívares gettin’ cheap as

Knock-off hoes be like

There can only be one theory

The Japanese Dream

Shrimp on coke

Being mean to be kind

Paying by Czech

Eau really?

That’s the thing about football

Best. Chair. Ever.

There goes our snake-free status

Workers at a Rangiora supermarket have been given a fright after finding a snake in a box of bananas from Ecuador. Ministry of Primary Industries were notified about a dead snake at the New World store on May 10. An MPI snake specialist formally identified the 20.7cm reptile as a juvenile Leptodeira ornata, commonly known as an ornate cat-eyed snake, found in South America. But what is a Leptodeira ornata, I hear you ask? A Leptodeira ornata is a mildly venomous rear-fanged snake that can inflict a painful bite if provoked, but it is not regarded as dangerous to humans. It's also a strictly tropical species that would not be able to survive a New Zealand winter and could not naturalise here. But even so, snakes don’t belong in New Zealand. Or Ireland. Or Hawaii. If I left any others out, please let me know.

Also add don’t shine laser pointers in the goalie’s eye

The Way of the Wolf

Friends to the power of one

Free utilities sounds very utilitarian indeed

Cleaning up just took on a whole new meaning

Sorry Rigby but "street rules" only apply to staring contests, not soccer

Growing melons, kid style

And that’s how the American Revolution started

Note to self: thing means male genitalia on a ladyboy

Just don’t break the seal and you’ll be fine

Yeah but when a Brit steals on home soil, he gets sent to Australia

Could this be the key to Covid?

America’s Dad is free and ready to rape again

2021

Is now half done

But there is one

For the Sick Phoque Club

This month’s induction is the Pennsylvania Supreme Court, who have thrown out Bill Cosby’s sexual assault conviction and opened the way for his immediate release from prison in a stunning reversal of fortune for the comedian once known as “America’s Dad,” ruling that the prosecutor who brought the case was bound by his predecessor's agreement not to charge Cosby. Cosby, now 83, has served more than two years of a three- to 10-year sentence after being found guilty of drugging and violating Temple University sports administrator Andrea Constand at his suburban Philadelphia home in 2004. He was the first celebrity tried and convicted in the #MeToo era. Cosby was arrested in 2015, when a district attorney armed with newly unsealed evidence — the comic's damaging deposition testimony in a lawsuit brought by Constand — brought charges against him days before the 12-year statute of limitations ran out. But the Pennsylvania Supreme Court said that District Attorney Kevin Steele, who made the decision to arrest Cosby, was obligated to stand by his predecessor’s promise not to charge Cosby. There was no evidence that promise was ever put in writing. Justice David Wecht, writing for a split court, said Cosby had relied on the former prosecutor’s decision not to charge him when the comedian later gave his potentially incriminating testimony in the Constand’s civil case. The court said that overturning the conviction, and barring any further prosecution, “is the only remedy that comports with society’s reasonable expectations of its elected prosecutors and our criminal justice system.” WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE HE DRUGGED AND RAPED? WHERE’S THEIR REMEDY? Oh yeah that’s right. Federal court. And those punk judges better overrule the state courts for the right reasons and not just because he’s black. The last thing we need is for this to become a civil rights case.