Yeah right like that’ll happen

Just imagine if they did though

Getting Omicron in 2022 be like

United drawn against United

That would have been so awesome

BuT iT’s ThE lAw, OfFiCeR

Have yourselves a merry little Christmas

I’m more familiar with the Frank Sinatra version which replaces the “muddle through” line with “Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.” But now onto something I’ve been meaning to do for a while - a list of ten songs which I feel are compulsory listening during the holiday season:

1. Snoopy’s Christmas by the Royal Guardsmen - this song, which was of course inspired by a real-life truce early in World War I, is for some reason a quintessential Christmas song in New Zealand and nowhere else. Read this article to find out how that came to be.
2. Jump (for My Love) by the Pointer Sisters - not a Christmas song, I know, but it was in my favourite scene in Love Actually, so I’m counting it.
3. Rio by Duran Duran - also not a Christmas song. I’m counting it anyway because of its use in a Christmas episode of South Park, when Jesus and Santa were having a karaoke sing-off where they sung Christmas songs about themselves but Santa has way less possible songs than Jesus.
4. O Holy Night - now this one is better the way Cartman from South Park sings it. You know, the one with the line “Jesus was born and so I get presents.”
5. Do They Know It’s Christmas - no matter which incarnation of Band Aid put out your favourite version (yes, even the Band Aid 30 version with the Ebola-themed lyrics), the message is the same: THINK ABOUT THOSE LESS FORTUNATE. That’s the meaning of Christmas anyway.
6. Christmas at Ground Zero by Weird Al Yankovic - nobody does Christmas music like Weird Al. Especially when the song also references a nuclear attack.
7. Santa’s Coming by CKY - those dudes butchered a Christmas classic in the best possible way. Listen to it now.
8. Thank God it’s Christmas by Queen - especially the line “it’s been a long, hard year” at the end of the first verse. And this was written long before Covid made 2020 and 2021 even more so.
9. Merry Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon - the genius behind this one may be gone but the music will forever live on. The lyrics are the perfect call for peace during the holiday season.
10. Fairytale of New York by The Pogues - what can I say? It’s a classic.

Revolution done right

Now you regret buying that 60 fps monitor way back when?

No 10% guy? No problem!

G’day, inmate

Now that is one fly lice

There will always be a binary for the non-binary

But in Soviet Russia, presents give you!

Drumming is drumming

Just leave a casual vacancy on your bookshelf where her shit once stood

Soon it will be in the millions all over again like in 2004

All I want for Christmas is wine

Such a diverse place is Brazil

There’s only five there, and not everyone on TikTok has been vaccinated

It’s more Free Guy than WoW, really

It’s not that milky

Rangnick goes three for three

Covid is forever

Don’t be le bully, muli muli

Just look for something that doesn’t suck

CR brace = team that kicks Arse(nal)

Fred takes down the Palace

Stadium to be covered

The latest design images of Christchurch's new half-billion-dollar covered stadium have been revealed today. Work on the new 30,000-seater rectangular-turf Canterbury multi-use arena (CMUA) is due to be finished by mid-2025. Four preliminary design images from Christchurch-based architects Warren & Mahoney and international stadium design experts Populous show how the stadium will sit on the inner-city site, as well as a "more detailed internal illustration" from the stands during a sporting event. CMUA Project Delivery Ltd board chairman Barry Bragg said the preliminary designs, developed by the Kōtui consortium, provide the most accurate picture yet of what the facility will look like once completed. "These designs crystallise our vision for the CMUA to be the most modern, fit-for-purpose arena in the country – a facility that leads the way from an innovation and sustainability perspective," he said. But they need to crack on with it. The Crusaders can’t keep playing at Orange Theory or whatever it’s called forever.

Ten years after Steve’s passing, the hypocrisy is real

There is but one way to become woker than woke

Sumer is icumen in

But first, we need someone to put in the Sick Phoque Club. This month, it’s the Omicron variant of Covid-19. It’s even more transmissible than Delta, but is it more deadly? Hopefully not. Maybe it could be our ticket out. The Russian flu of the late 19th century mutated into less deadly forms which are still doing the rounds to this day as the common cold.