The turtle was too slow

Covid 2.0: Monkey Edition

That’s one sus cat

So how was heaven?

Pine Pineapple Apple Pine

Pigs, Uvalde Style

And a loss to Palace caps off 9th consecutive season without another Premiership

Corona is a virus, just drink Obolon instead

Never gonna tilt you left

ALP RULES, LNP DROOLS

Labor's Anthony Albanese will be Australia's next Prime Minister after voters turned away from the Liberal Party in droves in Saturday's election. Albanese said he was "ready to serve" and that he wanted to unite the country after leading his party to victory. But whether Albanese and the Australian Labor Party can form a majority government was still unknown early this morning. An emotional Albanese arrived at ALP headquarters to a hero's welcome about 1.40am (NZ time). The crowd raucously shouted "Albo, Albo, Albo" as he took to the stage. If it can be done in the “lucky country”, then surely it can be done in the land of the less and less free. AMERICA, GET OUT AND VOTE IN THE MIDTERM THIS NOVEMBER! THERE ARE RED HOUSE AND SENATE SEATS THAT NEED TO BE TURNED BLUE TOOT SWEET! ABORTION RIGHTS ARE AT STAKE, PEOPLE!

Kids in Power

But she’s a Barbie girl in a Barbie world

Pro-birth by intent, pro-choice by poor design

Critical miss in the game of life

Dicks, camo style

Just America things

So does Justin Bieber’s tripe but you don’t hear anyone talking about that

Marry him, marry him, say yes

It’s-a not so bad, it’s a nice-a place, ah shut up-a your face

To dust or not to dust?

They forgot crypto guys

Wait, so none of those dudes have Grammies?

There’s a time for taking the piss and that ain’t it

Saying “I do” to the cap like a Kardashian

Brighter days for Brighton

So? Bart’s been 10 for over 30 years.

Yes that much is true

But that would be so awesome

Boom-boom bankrupt fraud

That’s what April 2022’s Sick Phoque Club is all about. Three-time Wimbledon champion Boris Becker has been jailed for 2½ years for hiding £2.5 million worth of assets and loans to avoid paying debts when he declared bankruptcy five years ago. He was found guilty of four charges under the Insolvency Act, including transferring money to his former wife Barbara and estranged wife Sharlely, and acquitted on 20 other counts. “It is notable you have not shown remorse or acceptance of your guilt,” judge Deborah Taylor told him as he appeared at London’s Southwark Crown Court wearing a Wimbledon tie. “There has been no humility.” Becker, whose partner Lillian and son Noah were in court, will serve half of the sentence behind bars and the other half on licence. He owed nearly £50 million when he was declared bankrupt and he was obliged to disclose all his assets so that they could be distributed among his creditors. He concealed almost £1 million from the sale of a Mercedes car dealership in Germany as well as a house in his home town, a £700,000 bank loan, and shares in a technology firm. He used the money to pay private school fees for his children as well as shopping trips to Harrods and transferred £356,000 to nine recipients, including his ex-wife Barbara and estranged wife Sharlely. I know insolvency sucks, but the law is unfortunately the law, and Boom-boom will have some time over the next 15 months to think about that.