Blue screen of Trolling

 

Milkin dat melon level Apple

 

Golden advice for a golden stream

 

Wanna see how cartoonists around the world are depicting Trump?

Here's your chance: http://www.attn.com/stories/14690/how-cartoonists-around-world-depict-trump

Reds beat the champions, my friends...

Manchester United took full advantage of some favourable Premier League results to close the gap on the teams at the top thanks to a convincing 3-0 victory over champions Leicester City at the King Power Stadium. Henrikh Mkhitaryan’s excellent solo goal and a composed finish from top scorer Zlatan Ibrahimovic in the space of two minutes towards the end of the first half gave the Reds a comfortable cushion at the break. The impressive Juan Mata added a third early in the second period as Jose Mourinho’s men ended a run of three successive draws with a deserved third win of the season over the goal-shy Foxes. If they keep this up for the rest of the season, I'm sure they will still have a chance at the silverware.

Pizza the Trump way

 

No goals again, naturally

Manchester United were held to a hugely frustrating goalless draw at Old Trafford on Wednesday night as Hull City ground out a point to aid their cause at the bottom of the Premier League. Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Paul Pogba, Juan Mata, and Marcos Rojo all brought fine saves from Hull goalkeeper Eldin Jakupovic, who was in inspired form between the posts for the visitors. But we don't need draws, we need goals. And we need to win. And the more they win, the closer they get to the silverware.

You just try bringing that carpet into Trump's America

 

OK, now onto the second one

 

Don't go full ISIS against ISIS

The Bellend of the Month for January 2017 is Alexandre Bissonnette. He is the lone suspect in a terrorist attack against Muslims in Quebec City during evening prayers, and was charged on Monday with six counts of first degree murder and five counts of attempted murder. The massacre on Sunday evening, which Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau condemned as a "cowardly terrorist attack on Muslims", left five others in critical condition. A further 12 worshippers managed to escape the chaos with minor injuries, but come on. This is still 23 too many, and I'm sure they're not all affiliated with the likes of ISIS. I hope he gets put away for a long time.

Tyrannosaurus Richards

 

Spiders keepers

 

And now for something completely unrelated to Drumpf

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Making America hate again, one executive order at a time

Many organizations that advocate for refugees slammed President Donald Trump's executive action imposing "extreme vetting" on those fleeing to America, among them Jewish groups that took particular exception to the day on which he signed it: Holocaust Remembrance Day. "It's repulsive," said Mark Hetfield, president and CEO of the Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society, a faith-based nonprofit dedicated to resettling refugees in the United States. "I mean, the timing is incredibly offensive." "It was during the Holocaust that the world shamefully refused to give asylum to Jews and to others who were being murdered or about to be murdered in Nazi Germany," Hetfield added, referring to the US government's decision to turn away European refugees during World War II. The executive order halts all refugee resettlement for four months, reduces the total refugee quota substantially, and imposes travel restrictions on some foreign nationals. The executive action does not explicitly single out members of a single faith, but the countries impacted are Iran, Iraq, Syria, Sudan, Libya, Yemen, and Somalia, according to a White House official. It also gives priority status to refugees "provided that the religion of the individual is a minority religion in the individual's country of nationality." Some Jewish groups were particularly troubled by the implications for Muslim refugees. "The fact that President Trump's order appears designed to specifically limit the entry of Muslims evokes horrible memories" of Jews turned away during World War II, the progressive Jewish organization J Street said in a statement ahead of the executive action taking affect. "Most ultimately perished in the Holocaust. That episode remains a blot on the conscience of the United States. It is a terrible irony that today, the same day on which this order is to be signed, is also International Holocaust Remembrance Day." And that is why Clinton, if not Johnson or Stein, should have won. Drumpf's latest outrage has shown that he is just not fit to be in the top job. But there are a lot of other countries taking in refugees, so I wouldn't rule out Europe.

The circle of life

 

She didn't make it after all

 

Maybe Hitler was really a good guy #wishfulthinking

 

Spongebob for President

 

The cyka just got even more blyat

 

Unbeaten run continues after Rooney scores 250th

Wayne Rooney made history by becoming Manchester United's all-time leading scorer with a stunning free-kick in stoppage time to salvage a point in a 1-1 draw against Stoke City.  The captain curled home a spectacular effort in the 4th minute of injury time to break Sir Bobby Charlton’s longstanding record and net his 250th goal for the club. It looked like it was going to be a frustrating afternoon for the visitors after an Erik Pieters cross was deflected past David De Gea off the unfortunate Juan Mata to leave Stoke on the brink of three points. But Rooney had other ideas and rescued Jose Mourinho’s men, who extend their unbeaten record in all competitions to 17 games.

Words for Trump to live by

 

This is what we get for hailing to the chimp

 

And that's before the impending repeal of Obamacare

 

Transfreedom - coming 17/5/17

The White House just announced that the bulk of imprisoned whistleblower Bradley Manning’s (who will be referred to as her current name Chelsea from hereon in) sentence will be commuted, and she will be free on May 17th. We literally saved her life. But how did "we" do it? Well for starters the announcement comes after years of sustained activism on Chelsea’s behalf, and it marks a massive victory for free speech, human rights, and democracy. A year ago, heck even two weeks ago, any DC insider would have told you that getting Chelsea released was impossible - that it would never happen. But time and time again we are proving that when huge numbers of people come together and use the Internet to fight for what we believe in, we can change the rules for what is and isn’t possible in Washington, DC and beyond. Chelsea’s release sends a message to governments around the world that they cannot act with impunity. It sets a precedent that will benefit so many people. Not just future whistleblowers who expose wrongdoing but all those who suffer when governments are allowed to act without transparency. But today, I’m overjoyed to know that soon she’ll be able to share her beautiful self with the world, and continue on with the rest of her life. But we need everyone to remember that when those in power tell you that something is impossible, it just means you need to fight harder. Also, we need to remain vigilant. Because the battle for the future of free speech and our basic rights doesn’t end today. Or tomorrow. Or in four years. It rages on. And we'll need to fight said battle even harder when Trump takes office, because he will be president by May 17th and he could always reverse all the commutations Obama dished out today. But I'm sure he'll be too busy making America great again to even care.

The last man on the moon has left us

 

It's all in the draw

Manchester United are now unbeaten in 16 games following a hard-fought 1-1 draw against rivals Liverpool at Old Trafford as the bragging rights and points were shared. James Milner gave the visitors the lead from the penalty spot midway through the first half after Paul Pogba had handled in the box, but Zlatan Ibrahimovic headed in a late leveller to give United a share of the spoils. A draw is fine, but Manchester United are in sixth place and they need to win, win, win if they want their first post-Ferguson premiership title.

16 years of wiki

 

I'm guessing Austria's one will be kangaroos

 

FRIDAY FEATURE: The state of the season so far

 

As you can see, the Reds need to win at least four games to get to the top - and that's if the teams above it all stay below 51 points. But a win is still achievable if the conditions are right.

*starts drooling*

 

One group of atoms posted this using another group of atoms

 

Ten days until Hitler 2.0 is sworn in

This is what we get for standing idly by while the Democratic National Committee rigged the primary against Sanders. Hillary deserved to lose right from the start, as evidenced by the investigation into her emails. But the DNC still stuck behind her like a bunch of idiots. Now Americans may be stupid, but they're not stupid enough to just keep voting for the lesser of two evils like the establishment expects them to, ergo, President Trump. The Democratic Party will pay dearly for their folly starting 12 noon Eastern next Friday. And besides, an orange president could be just what is needed to make America great again. See you in Washington, Donald!

Time to unleash some hard truth on all you naysayers

 

O Cannabis, we stone on guard for thee

 

And when it does happen, hopefully their music will become more tolerable.

He KKKan't spell

 

FRIDAY FEATURE: The one who was eventually together on that one sweet day

 

Red power continues into 2017

Manchester United made the perfect start to 2017, as second-half goals from Juan Mata and Zlatan Ibrahimovic earned Jose Mourinho's men an important victory over 10-man West Ham United on Monday evening. Despite an early red card for Hammers midfielder Sofiane Feghouli, the Reds were made to wait for the breakthrough, which eventually came when Marcus Rashford set up fellow substitute Mata inside the area with just under half an hour remaining. Ibrahimovic added a second strike with 12 minutes to go, firing into the corner after confusion in the West Ham defence, to claim his 17th goal of the season and seal a sixth straight Premier League win. Let's hope Mourinho can be the one to unseat Leicester City.

Now you can buckle up without buckling up

 

To blow or not to blow?

 

 

Powerful words to live in 2017 by

 

Three points switch sides in one minute

Manchester United ended 2016 in dramatic fashion after two goals in a minute helped the Reds come from a goal behind to snatch a late 2-1 win over a stubborn Middlesbrough side at Old Trafford. The Reds were halted by the woodwork twice in the first half as well as the referee after Zlatan Ibrahimovic had a goal ruled out for a high foot - a decision which looked harsh, before Grant Leadbitter put the visitors into a shock second-half lead. It looked like it was going to be a frustrating day for the Reds only for two late goals inside a minute from Anthony Martial and Paul Pogba to send United into 2017 with their fifth successive Premier League victory. And from there, let's hope 2017 will be United's year.

Blanket nappers get theirs

The co-Bellends of the Month for December 2016 are several members of the Denver Police Department who were caught on video taking blankets and survival gear from homeless people in the freezing cold. Footage was widely circulated earlier this month showing as many as nine officers standing over a group of homeless people, pulling blankets off them as they slept and sat on the sidewalk. In the video, two officers stacked the blankets in piles and then carried them away. The blankets were taken as 'evidence' the homeless people in the video were committing a crime by violating the city's urban camping ban. This is just cruel, especially in the freezing winter weather. And besides, even if they were technically in violation of such a ban, the blankets are more useful as evidence of intent rather than the crime itself.

GOOD IDEA OF THE WEEK SO FAR: Leap seconds

Here's a timely reminder for all you would-be revelers out there: Be careful with your countdowns this New Year's Eve. There will be a little extra time to bask in the glow of a retreating 2016 - or curse its name, as the case may be. Whatever your inclination, one thing is certain: before the year is out, the world's foremost authority on time will be adding one more second to the clock. In a bulletin released this summer, the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service, or IERS, said it would be necessary to introduce a "leap second" at the end of December. Timekeepers use this added second much as leap years are used - to bring the world's atomic clocks in sync with the Earth's own distinctive rhythm, which in this case is determined by its rotation. That's right, people. Not only will we have 366 days this year, the last one will be 86,401 seconds long. The leap second will strike at 23:59:60 UTC, so depending on where in the world you are, it could already be 2017 by the time it comes.

In other celebrity news...

 

So be it: that's how Leia died

 

Reds end 2016 on the up and up

Manchester United's growing confidence and momentum were enhanced further on Boxing Day as Sunderland were dismantled in a fourth successive Premier League victory for Jose Mourinho's men. Daley Blind, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, and Henrikh Mkhitaryan scored the goals to secure the comfortable 3-1 win (with Borini being the one), while also extending the Reds' unbeaten run in all competitions to 11 matches. Bigger challenges will come, of course, but there is no doubt that United are capable of climbing the table and reclaiming the silverware in the process.

The man who went went before he woke up on his last Christmas

Merry Christmas to all

And to all a good night. Oh, and be on your best behaviour for the next 365 days or else expect a huge lump of coal is your stocking.

Opinions from the Dark Side

Can't find the picture again, but basically what they're saying is that Rogue One should be the new Episode III, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith should move down one, and The Phantom Menace should be done away with.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK SO FAR: Being a racist

A woman’s racist tirade against two Latina women in a mall in Louisville, Kentucky begins with a cacophony of tired slurs against immigrants. Caught on tape and posted on social media Tuesday, the incident has prompted a search for the woman — who faces a lifetime ban from the mall. In the lineup at a JCPenney store in Jefferson Mall, two Latina women, in front of the woman who went on the racist rant, added some last-minute items to their cart. That, according to the now-deleted Facebook video bystander Renee Buckner posted, instigated the woman to begin shouting her anti-immigrant views at the two women. The woman tells the customers to “go back to wherever the f*** you came from, lady," continuing: “They come here to live, then act like everybody else. You’re nobodies. Just because you come from another country, it don’t make you nobody. You’re nobody, as far as I’m concerned. You’re probably on welfare. The taxpayers probably paid for all that stuff.” The woman then turns to tell the other customers in line: “It’s true. We probably pay for every bit of that stuff. You know that. Probably all the food they get and everything else. I’m sorry, but that’s the way I feel." While the two Latina women ignore her racist speech, the video ends after the woman tells them to “speak English. You’re in America. If you don’t know it, learn it.” Once the video garnered nearly 6 million views, Jefferson Mall authorities decried the woman’s outburst and said they are working to identify her and ban her from the mall. JC Penney also issued a similar statement Wednesday, asking the public to help them find the victims so they can be given a formal apology and a full reimbursement for their purchases that day. Louisville Mayor Greg Fischer also posted some tweets expressing his regret and disappointment about the situation, but here's my spin: don't be a dick. You never know who's going to be watching.

And where do ISIS stand on the scale?

The weapons will all be shrimps on the barbie

It's official: Trump is in the White House!

Come 2021 or 2025, America will be Donald Trump's third ex-wife, as the Electoral College has affirmed him as the nation’s 45th president, pushing him past the 270-vote threshold for election, with scant evidence of the anti-Trump revolt among electors that some of his critics had hoped would occur. Republican electors in Texas vaulted Mr. Trump past the 270 mark, granting him all but two of their 38 ballots in a ceremony in the State Capitol in Austin. In the House chamber, where the electors met, the vote was greeted with a standing ovation by citizens and Republican officials who had come to witness the event. Outside, perhaps 100 protesters waved placards and chanted “Save our democracy” in a vain effort to persuade electors to reject the Republican nominee. Normally a political footnote, the electoral vote acquired an unexpected element of drama this winter after Mr. Trump’s upset of Hillary Clinton, who received 2.86 million more popular votes but won in states that totaled only 232 electoral votes. The states Mr. Trump won held 306 electoral votes. His electoral victory spawned a determined effort to block his path to the presidency by grass-roots advocates who saw him as unfit for the White House and by some who saw him as a threat to the political system. Presidential electors — and particularly Republican electors, who are bound by tradition and often state law to support Mr. Trump — were inundated with phone calls, emails, even threats demanding that they vote for someone else. Leaders of groups that were lobbying the electors had privately believed they had a chance to persuade enough Republican electors to defect, denying him an Electoral College majority and throwing the election to the House of Representatives. But by late Monday, only a handful of electors had broken ranks. A full vote tracker is here. While Mr. Trump’s opponents needed 37 Republican defectors to bring his electoral-vote tally below 270, the bulk of electors who broke ranks — four in Washington State — were Democrats who otherwise would have voted for Ms. Clinton. Instead, they voted for the former Republican secretary of state Colin L. Powell and Faith Spotted Eagle, a Native American tribal leader who has led opposition to the Keystone XL pipeline.

Zlatan brace = three points

Two Zlatan Ibrahimovic goals, one in each half, set up another Manchester United victory as a 2-0 win at West Bromwich Albion was fully merited for an authoritative display from the first whistle to the last. The Reds made a lightning start in surprisingly mild December conditions with Jesse Lingard having an early penalty claim refused after a tangle with Allan Nyom. Within five minutes, a first goal had arrived, though, with Lingard the provider as his cross from the right left Ibrahimovic with a straightforward header past Ben Foster from close range for his 15th goal of the season. Antonio Valencia set up another opportunity from a similar area of the pitch but Wayne Rooney was unable to profit as Jose Mourinho's men swarmed all over the hosts. Albion's first moment of danger was supplied by their Swede, Jonas Olsson, who got a touch to a Chris Brunt corner but the ball drifted wide of the far post. But it's not the missed opportunities, it's the two that made it what won it.

Strong with the bias young Stormtrooper is

 

I have but one thing to say to Trump's cabinet picks

 

Titanic meets Trump

Reds deliver a Kristallnacht worthy of Crystal Palace

A late strike from Zlatan Ibrahimovic gave Manchester United a vital victory over Crystal Palace on Wednesday evening, as the Reds ran out 2-1 winners at Selhurst Park. The Swede fired home with just two minutes of normal time remaining to secure the three points, after James McArthur had cancelled out Paul Pogba's first-half opener. Ahead of the game – United’s third in the space of six days – Jose Mourinho delivered on his promise to rotate players during a busy December, making four changes to the side that beat Tottenham. Wayne Rooney was among those recalled to the starting line-up, and the captain had an early opportunity to break the deadlock, but couldn’t direct his header on target from Juan Mata’s cross after five minutes. In truth, the hosts were hardly afforded a touch of the ball during the opening stages, with an eventual string of passes being greeted by cheers from the home fans. As has been the theme in recent weeks, Mourinho’s men were well on top, and went close again when Pogba curled a long-range effort over the bar. Last-ditch defending then denied Rooney a clear goalscoring chance on 24 minutes, as Eric Bailly – slotting in at right-back in the absence of the suspended Antonio Valencia - burst forward from defence to provide an inviting low cross. But two wins ain't gonna cut it - the Reds have lost some of their form in the post-Fergie era and need to really get their butts in gear if they want the silverware this season.

THE MIDWEEK REVIEW: Putting the antis in their place

 

Why this post is really 24 hours late

The iPhone app I use to publish posts stopped working properly, and it's not letting me access my photos for the purpose of putting them in my posts. In fact, my newest photos aren't even showing up. There may be just token posts here until I can find a new app that can give me meaningful access to all my photos.

Who knew a Reds side could have so much win?

Henrikh Mkhitaryan scored for the second successive match as Manchester United returned to winning ways in the Premier League with a 1-0 victory over Tottenham at Old Trafford. The Armenian followed up his first Reds goal against Zorya Luhansk on Thursday by firing home a thunderous drive just before the half-hour mark after Ander Herrera’s pass cut open the Spurs defence. Paul Pogba was unfortunate not to add to the lead in the second half with a sensational free-kick from distance which struck the woodwork, but after three consecutive draws in the league, it was a welcome three points and a resilient display from Jose Mourinho’s men, who cut the gap behind Spurs in the table to three points with a repeat scoreline of last season’s corresponding fixture. Both sides had booked their place in the last 32 of the Europa League during the week but crucial league points were on the agenda as they sought to maintain the pressure on the teams above them, which the Reds don't seem to have been doing as of late. Just to clarify, the silverware is on offer for consistency over a total of 38 games - one home game and one away against each of the other 19 sides. But the Red Devils can still make it to the top again.

The Black Male's Guide to Getting Shot in the Hood

There is but one among the four that nobody expects

This is how to remind them of who you really are

Well played, Time. Well played.

THE MIDWEEK REVIEW: The eventual cost of greed

So come on and let them know, should they stop or should they go now?

Moyes' old club draws against Moyes' old club

John Key has resigned as Prime Minister of New Zealand, the controversial Dakota Access Pipeline is to be re-routed away from the Standing Rock reservation, and Manchester United were held to a 1-1 draw by Everton after Zlatan Ibrahimovic's first-half opener was cancelled out by a late Leighton Baines penalty at Goodison Park. The Reds had controlled much of the game, both in terms of possession and chances created, but the frustrating result leaves Jose Mourinho's sixth in the Premier League table on 21 points, just above the eighth-placed Toffees. A positive to note before the match was the return of summer signing Eric Bailly, who was named on the bench and in the squad for the first time since suffering an injury at Chelsea on 23 October. A period of silence preceded the match as respects were paid to the 75 people, including members of Brazilian football team Chapecoense, who were tragically killed in a plane crash in Colombia earlier in the week. The travelling Reds supporters also displayed a banner that emphasised the club’s support. But seriously, Mourinho, you need to improve your team. Don't be another Moyes.

Or you could have just fed everyone in Africa for the cost of the car

The new American church doesn't even begin to describe these arches

These are the same arches that have been keeping Americans obese for 76 years - and it's not just open on Sundays, boys.

Even in Turkey the people raku disciprine

A warning for the elites going into the last month of 2016 - the storm is coming