THE FIRST DISSEMINATORS OF THE TRUTH BELLEND OF THE MONTH AWARD GOES TO…

Nicola McCully. If you’re wondering who she (or he) is and in what ways she’s been a bellend, she is the acting Chief Censor. The Chief Censor is the most powerful position in the Office of Film and Literature Classification (OFLC), who are in charge of censorship and classification of books, movies, and video games released in New Zealand.

Now to why she deserves the Bellend of the Month award: the OFLC gave Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps an M rating. I don’t mind that they used the occasional F-word in that movie, but there were three scenes in which one of the characters was smoking. If I were the Chief Censor, I would’ve insisted on a restricted rating for any movie that has even one scene in which one or more characters is seen smoking. Children can get into an M-rated movie (case in point: I saw The Mask of Zorro back in 1998 as part of my birthday present and I was only turning ten that year) and if kids see people smoking in a movie, they’ll think it’s cool just because that character does it. Smoking is a bad habit and there are lots of nutters out there who could save themselves thousands of dollars each year by not smoking. The entire OFLC should be cleaned out with a Karcher so that such a horrible mistake doesn’t happen again.

Is Stuxnet the answer to our world's woes?

This complex computer worm is capable of seizing control of industrial plants. This malware has already affected several computers used by staff that work at Bushehr, which is about to become Iran's first nuclear power plant. Nuclear power may be a renewable source of energy but it's just dangerous and there's the risk of a huge radioactive cloud forming after an explosion like what happened at Chernobyl. And besides, Iran is in enough hot water over its nuclear program. If Iran wants to use other aspects of the program for nuclear weaponry, then they could collaborate with the United States and after withdrawing American forces from Iraq and Afghanistan, Obama could then re-assign the entire defence force, including the Reserves and National Guard, to North Korea, and the nuclear weapons could then be aimed at getting rid of that tyrant Kim Jong-Il.

RED CARD!

Counties Manukau and Northland played the last game of Round 9 on Sunday. The final score was 40-24 to Counties Manukau. Counties Manukau scored their points from tries by Fritz Lee, Simon Lemalu, Taiasina Tuifua, Sherwin Stowers, and Ahsee Tuala, also, Tim Nanai-Williams kicked two penalties and two conversions and Dean Cummins scored a penalty and a conversion. Northland scored their haul from two tries by Rhyan Caine, one try by Dean Budd, and three conversions and a penalty by Lachie Munro. Fritz Lee became the first person in the current competition to be red-carded, this was issued in the 75th minute for a dangerous tackle.

The Bolton Wanderers were next to take on Man United, with the fixture at Reebok Stadium ending in a 2-2 draw. Man United's goals were scored by Nani and Michael Owen, and Bolton's were scored by Zat Knight and Martin Petrov. Two players were booked.

TWO HUNDRED POSTS TODAY!

And the 200th post will just be some further ITM Cup action. First game for tonight is Saturday night's clash between Waikato and Tasman. Waikato won 33-15. Waikato's points came from two tries by Alex Bradley, one try by Save Tokula, and four penalties and three conversions by Stephen Donald. Tasman's points came from one try each by Afeleki Pelenise and Craig Moore, a penalty by Steve Alfeld, and a conversion by James Marshall. Shane Christie was sent to the sin-bin in the 53rd minute for not releasing the ball after being tackled (after you've been tackled, you're supposed to put the ball to one side so a ruck can form.)

Yesterday afternoon, North Harbour defeated Manawatu 44-30. North Harbour's points came from three tries by Matt Luamanu, one try each by Ken Pisi and Nafi Tuitavake, two penalties and four conversions by Mike Harris, and one penalty and one conversion by Ben Botica. Manawatu's points came from one try each by Hamish Gosling, Michael Fitzgerald, Craig Clare, and Frank Bryant, two penalties and a conversion by Isaac Thompson, and one conversion by Craig Clare.

Some drawn-out reading for you tonight

Excuse the pun, but I'm taking a one-day break from ITM Cup reporting to bring you the results of two games that ended in draws.

First off, it's the AFL Grand Final. Over 100,000 spectators were packed into the Melbourne Cricket Ground to watch Collingwood and St Kilda tie  9.14 (68) - 10.8 (68). Collingwood's nine goals were apportioned as follows: Travis Cloke scored two and Darren Jolly, Jared Blair, Alan Didak, Dale Thomas, Brent McAffer, Harry O'Brien, and Harry Davis each scored one. St Kilda's ten were apportioned as follows: Nick Riewoldt, Stephen Milne, and Brendon Goddard scored two goals apiece and Adam Schneider, Justin Koschitzke, Sam Gilbert, and Lenny Hayes each kicked one. The Grand Final Sprint at half-time was won by Luke Miles from St Kilda.

Then it was time to get the FIFA U-17 Women's World Cup final out of the way. You may think it's just 22 teenage girls kicking a ball round for 90 minutes, or you may think that only a paedophile would be interested in such a spectacle, but there is a lot more to it than that - people have defected from North Korea throughout the years with most heading to South Korea or Japan and now the trophy being contested would also have to defect from North Korea, who won it in 2008, to either of those two countries. The game was drawn 3-3, with South Korea's goals being scored by Lee Sung-eun, Kim Ar-eun, and Lee So Dam, and Japan's goals being scored by Hikaru Naomoto, Yoko Tanaka, and Chika Kato. Also, nobody got booked or sent off in the whole match. South Korea won the penalty shootout 5-4 (but at least the trophy didn't have to cross the Demilitarized Zone). And this was all done with the somewhat controversial Jabulani ball used in South Africa earlier this year. How's that for sticking it to Kim Jong-Il?

Sonny Bill strikes again

The Canterbury coach's controversial decision to bench Sonny Bill wasn't all that bad because he scored the try that helped Canterbury avoid a 30-30 draw with Wellington and instead accomplish a 37-30 defeat of said team. Canterbury's points came from tries by Telusa Veainu, Andy Ellis, Sean Maitland, and of course, Sonny Bill Williams, and the extras in the form of three penalties and four conversions were courtesy of Colin Slade. Wellington's points came from two tries by Hosea Gear, one try each by Faifili Levave and Alby Mathewson, and two penalties and two conversions courtesy of Lima Sopoaga.


Then it was Hawke's Bay and Taranaki's turn for some round 9 action, with Hawke's Bay beating Taranaki 32-24. Hawke's Bay's points came from tries by Jason Shoemark, Ryan McLeod, Hika Elliot, and Zac Guildford, with Richard Buckman adding two penalties and three conversions. Taranaki got theirs from tries by David Smith, Kane Barrett, Kurt Baker, and Jayden Hayward, with Andre Taylor and Willie Ripia each kicking a conversion. Michael Bent was yellow-carded in the 20th minute for repeated infringing at the breakdown.

The Bay beat Otago

The score was 40-30. Bay of Plenty's points came from tries by Lelia Masaga, Phil Burleigh, Josh Hohneck, Colin Bourke, and Solomon King, and three conversions and three penalties by Mike Delaney. Otago's came from tries by Hayden Triggs, Chris Small, and Ben Smith, also, Glenn Dickson kicked three penalties and a conversion and Chris Noakes scored the last two.

That coach has lost his mind

Sonny Bill Williams has been demoted to the bench to make way for Ryan Crotty who is returning this week from injury. The Canterbury coach has obviously lost his mind - Sonny Bill's offloading has been second-to-none over the past three weeks and he even scored a try last weekend. But the coach made a thoughtless decision in benching the former league star in a match which has been made free admission following recent earthquakes in the Canterbury region. But let's get on to tonight's low-scoring Shield defence.

Southland won their Ranfurly Shield defence against Auckland 9-6; this was also their first win against Auckland since 1971. All points in this match were scored off the foot, with Southland's coming from three penalties courtesy of Robbie Robinson and Auckland's coming from two penalties courtesy of Matt Berquist.

Will they ever stop?

The Institute for the Works of Religion, also known as the Vatican Bank, is under investigation by Italian authorities for money laundering. The transactions in question total over 200 million American, and were done through a bank located across the road from St. Peter's Basilica. What specifically happened was that the Vatican Bank never disclosed where the money came from, which is a breach of Italian law. This scandal is the latest in a long line of money-laundering incidents involving the bank, which seriously needs to be cleaned out with a Karcher - and I think the 23 million euros the authorities seized are a good start and will hopefully bring down those low-lifes.

Deepwater Horizon has finally been shut off

And about time too because that place has just been pumping oil into the Gulf of Mexico for the last four months. The oil well (which was built in South Korea; commissioned by a firm based in Switzerland; registered in the Marshall Islands; and located off the southern coast of the United States) exploded in April and has been pumping oil into the Gulf until it was sealed two days ago by use of a relief well. The aftermath of this disaster is to be of unprecedented scale and complexity compared to previous disasters which themselves took years to fix up, especially if al-Qaeda had something to do with the explosion.

That was a rucking great weekend of rugby action

Sorry if you are somewhat offended by the word ruck's similarity to a four letter word but it was a rucking great weekend of rugby action. Round 8 concluded yesterday afternoon with Bay of Plenty beating Counties Manukau 24-21. For Bay of Plenty, Lelia Masaga and Taniela Moa scored a try each. Mike Delany also scored a try but kicked two conversions and a penalty as well. Tanerau Latimer landed the other conversion. Counties Manukau's tries went to Taiasina Tuifua and Siale Piutau, with Tim Nanai-Williams kicking a conversion and three penalties.

Next game to recap was Manchester United's 3-2 win over Liverpool at Old Trafford last night. Dimitar Berbatov scored all three of Man United's goals and Steven Gerrard scored both of Liverpool's. There were five bookings all up over the course of the 90 minutes but at least Daniel Agger, who plays for Liverpool, hasn't yet been shot over his own goal during the World Cup.

Does this look familiar?

Otago haven't had a good season so far but they managed two consecutive wins before losing their game this week. But first, let's recap last night's game where North Harbour beat Tasman 28-21. North Harbour's points came from tries by Matt Luamanu, Nafi Tuitavake, and Jack Tarrant, with Mike Harris adding three penalties and two conversions. Tasman's points came from tries by Chris Jack and James Marshall, with Steve Alfeld adding three penalties and a conversion.

Northland, who hadn't won at Carisbrook since 1979, beat Otago 13-8. Northland's points came from a try by Jared Payne and a conversion and two penalties by Lachie Munro. Otago's points were a tale of two Haydens, with Triggs scoring a try and Parker landing a penalty.

Sonny Bill is really starting to make some inroads in his rugby career

The former league star is really starting to prove himself as a potential All Black but Taranaki were the ones to shake things up in their home fixture against Canterbury this afternoon with a 31-20 win. Taranaki's points came from five tries (one each by Ben Souness, Kurt Baker, George Pisi, Jarrod Hoeata, and Beauden Barrett) of which three were converted (two by Willie Ripia and one by Andre Taylor). Canterbury got points from tries by Sean Maitland and Sonny Bill Williams, and two penalties and two conversions by Stephen Brett.

Following that, Wellington beat Hawke's Bay 17-13. Hosea Gear and Tajhon Mailata each scored a try for Wellington, and Lima Sopoaga added a try and a conversion. Hawke's Bay's points came from a try by Kahn Fotuali'i and two penalties and a conversion by Richard Buckman.

And so Round 8 continues

Tonight's game was Auckland versus Manawatu, Auckland won 32-6. Auckland's points came mostly from tries by Liaki Moli, Angus Ta'avao, Brenton Helleur, and Dave Thomas, and Gareth Anscombe added the extras (three conversions and two penalties), while Manawatu only got two penalties scored by Isaac Thompson.

It's time for Round 8!

Waikato and Southland both had their eighth fixture today - against each other! And six was afraid of seven, not because seven eight nine, but because the final score was 7-6 to Southland in what was their first ever away win against Waikato. Southland's points came from a try which was scored by Kendrick Lynn and converted by Robbie Robinson, and Waikato's points came from two penalties by Trent Renata.

We're now over halfway through the ITM Cup

And we'll go even further this weekend; Round 8 starts tomorrow!

Seventh round is finished

Taranaki beat Counties Manukau 28-19. Taranaki's tries were scored by David Smith, Kurt Baker, and Tyson Keats; the extras came in the form of three penalties and two conversions by Willie Ripia. Counties Manukau only got one try courtesy of Simon Lemalu, and Tim Nanai-Williams took out four penalties and three conversions.

Another draw at Goodison Park

Manchester United had their away game against Everton on Saturday afternoon local time, the final score was 3-3. Man United's goals were scored by Darren Fletcher, Nemanja Vidic, and Dimitar Berbatov (who has scored in every Man United game so far this season except the one against Fulham three weeks ago), and Everton's goals were scored by Steven Pienaar, Tim Cahill, and Mikel Arteta. Only two players were booked this time.

Otago finally managed to get their ITM Cup season off the ground yesterday with another win, this time to Tasman. The score was 13-11. Otago's points came from a try by Halani Aulika and two penalties and a conversion by Glenn Dickson. Tasman got the try (courtesy of Chris Jack) and the two penalties (both courtesy of Steve Alfeld) but not the conversion.

The Tri-Nations are over

But first, Auckland beat Wellington 21-15. Auckland's share of the points came from a try by Liaki Moli and a try, three penalties, and a conversion by Matt Berquist. Wellington's points came from five penalties by Lima Sopoaga and nothing else.

Then, New Zealand beat Australia 23-22. The All Blacks got their points from one try each by Richie McCaw and Kieran Read, and Piri Weepu kicked two conversions and three penalties. The Wallabies got their points from one try each by James O'Connor and Adam Ashley-Cooper; also, Matt Giteau kicked three penalties, and Kurtley Beale landed one.

Nobody won, nobody lost

That's the situation with this afternoon's 27-27 draw between Hawke's Bay and Waikato, however, the resulting points cubes were comprised differently. Hawke's Bay's points came from tries by Clint Newland and Gillies Kaka, Daniel Kirkpatrick added three penalties and a conversion, and Richard Buckman kicked two penalties. Waikato's points came from tries by Save Tokula, Liam Messam, Trent Renata, and Toby Smith; Renata also kicked two conversions and a penalty.


Meanwhile, Sonny Bill's first start for Canterbury was one in which they beat Northland 27-23. Although he didn't put any points up on the board, he featured in passes that made all of Canterbury's tries possible (for the record, the try-scorers were Robbie Fruean, Luke Romano, and Isaac Ross, and all three tries were converted by Stephen Brett), and to shake things up even further, there was an unprecedented two dropped goals (one by Stephen Brett and one by Andy Ellis). As for Northland's tries, Bronson Murray and Cameron Eyre were the men responsible, and Lachie Munro converted both tries and added three penalties. Pat O'Connor was yellow-carded for a lifting tackle in the 51st minute, and George Whitelock was next in the bin after he played the ball while on the ground during a ruck in the 63rd minute.

North Harbour couldn't get back the Shield

First Otago, then Counties Manukau, and now North Harbour have failed to win the Ranfurly Shield off Southland. Southland won 47-21, with Southland's points all coming off tries (Kendrick Lynn scored two, Matt Saunders, Jamie Mackintosh, Scott Cowan, Glen Horton, and Tony Koonwaiyou all scored one), with Robbie Robinson scoring six conversions. North Harbour's points all came off tries too (one each by Nafi Tuitavake, Mike Harris, and James Afoa), with Mike Harris responsible for two conversions and Ben Botica landing the other.

It's time to shake it up for Round 7!

Even Otago has managed a win this season but it's not good practice to dwell on your past triumphs - it's another weekend and that means facing another opponent. Bay of Plenty lost last week's game, but they took on Manawatu this week and beat them 41-13. Bay of Plenty got their massive haul from two tries by Tristan Moran, one try each by Corey Aporo, Lelia Masaga, Culum Retallick, and Grant McQuoid, along with a penalty and two conversions by Mike Delany and a conversion each by Colin Bourke and David Waenga. Manawatu still managed a try by Bertus Milder, two penalties by Isaac Thompson, and a conversion by Craig Clare.

Halfway there, halfway to go

Results and discipline from round 7 will be posted here within a couple of days of the game taking place.

I'm not sure they mean it this time

The ETA recently declared a cease-fire, which is their third. A spokesperson says they now want to achieve their aim of Basque independence through peaceful, democratic means. But knowing the ETA, the "cease-fire" is probably just a ruse. The ETA are just declaring the cease-fire so they can further their violent campaign like what happened in 2006. I think that if you're going to declare a cease-fire, then you'd better follow through - no bombing more trains and another bus two weeks later, no van bombs later in the year, and most definitely no going back into Iraq 12 years later just because of Saddam.

And that's the plate red-carded from the Springboks' trophy cabinet

South Africa lost the Nelson Mandela Challenge Plate to Australia yesterday morning when the Wallabies beat them 41-39 at Bloemfontein. The Wallabies scored their points from tries by Kurtley Beale, James O'Connor, Stephen Moore, Rocky Elsom, and Drew Mitchell; in addition, Matt Giteau kicked four conversions and one penalty, James O'Connor kicked a conversion, and Kurtley Beale kicked a penalty. The Springboks scored theirs from tries by Jaque Fourie, Gurthro Steenkamp, and Jean de Villiers, but there's also the contribution of Morne Steyn, who added three conversions and six penalties to the not-enough haul. Saia Fainga'a was sin-binned in the 69th minute for his part in a lifting tackle.

Although three items of their rather impressive collection of silverware have fallen into foreign hands, the Rugby World Cup isn't on the line until next year and the Boks have another reason to celebrate because Bakkies Botha, who is possibly rugby's answer to Zinedine Zidane, will be off suspension next week.


Also up for review tonight are the last two games of the ITM Cup: although 27 points wasn't enough for North Harbour, it was enough for Auckland to take out Taranaki 27-13. Auckland's tries were scored by Atieli Pakalani and Winston Stanley; Matt Berquist added 5 penalties and a conversion. Taranaki were unlucky as they could only get a try by Samuela Vunisa and two penalties and a conversion by Willie Ripia, and they couldn't even take advantage of a ten-minute power play that started in the 30th minute when Peter Saili was yellow-carded for a high tackle.


Otago posted their first win when Hawke's Bay was pipped at the post with a score of 17-16. Otago's points came from tries by Alando Soakai and Kees Meeuws, and Glenn Dickson added a penalty and two conversions. Hawke's Bay's points came from a try by Hika Elliot, two penalties and a conversion by Daniel Kirkpatrick, and a penalty by Mark Jackman.

The tables are starting to turn

Northland did what was thought to be impossible: they beat Southland 33-22. Northland's points came from two tries by Jared Payne, one try each by Rene Ranger and Dan Pryor, and three penalties and two conversions by Lachie Munro. Southland's share came from two tries by Jamie Mackintosh, one try by Chris King, and a penalty and two conversions by Robbie Robinson. Dan Pryor was sinbinned in the 46th minute for repeatedly infringing at the breakdown.

Waikato then defeated North Harbour 36-27. Waikato scored from tries by Brendon Leonard, Dwayne Sweeney, Christian Leali'ifano, and Dominiko Waqaniburotu, and Trent Renata kicked four penalties and two conversions. North Harbour scored from tries by Ben Afeaki, Alipate Fatafehi, and James Parsons, and Mike Harris landed two penalties and three conversions.

Manawatu finally have a win on the board

Manawatu have recovered from five straight losses but the question remains: can Otago do the same? But let's not worry about that just yet. Manawatu beat Wellington 36-24. Manawatu scored from tries by Shannon Paku, Hadleigh Parkes, Fraser Stone, Asaeli Tikoirotuma, four penalties and a conversion by Isaac Thompson, and a conversion by Craig Clare. Wellington scored from two tries by Tajhon Mailata, one try each by Alipate Leiua and Julian Savea, and two conversions by Fa'atonu Fili. Scott Fugistaller was sent to the bin in the 43rd minute for coming into a ruck from an offside position.

Sonny Bill Williams Show - Episode 1: VICTORY FOR CANTERBURY!

Sonny Bill Williams made his debut for Canterbury this week. The former league star came off the bench in the 18th minute when Ryan Crotty wrenched an ankle, and during the 61 minutes of game time he received, Canterbury took out Bay of Plenty 28-9. However, Sonny Bill Williams didn't contribute any points to the board. Instead, Canterbury took the following: Nasi Manu, Mat Todd, and Robbie Fruean scored a try each and Stephen Brett kicked three penalties and two conversions. Bay of Plenty kicked three penalties courtesy of Mike Delaney.

Round 6 is underway

Round 6 of the ITM Cup started with an entree of alphabet soup in the form of a 23-3 scoreline that Counties Manukau scored against Tasman. Counties Manukau got their share from tries by Ahsee Tuala and Sherwin Stowers, and three penalties and two conversions coming off the foot of Tim Nanai-Williams. Tasman could only manage a penalty scored by Steve Alfeld.

What sort of lessons are Nickelodeon teaching kids?

I don’t have any kids of my own but today, I watched the episode of Ni Hao, Kai-Lan called “Kai-Lan’s Playhouse”. During this episode, Hoho hit Rintoo. Knowing each character’s temperament, I thought that Rintoo would be the first to hit another character. Exposing under-fives to that sort of violence is not cool because children are likely to imitate what they see on television and if they see Hoho lashing out like that, they will probably do it too, especially if Hoho is their favourite character on the show.