Another manager out of a job

The Bellend of the Month for May 2013 is Roberto Mancini, who was sacked as Manchester City manager a year to the day since winning the Premier League for the first time in 44 years. The club said he "had failed to achieve any of the club's targets, with the exception of qualification for next season's Champions League". Chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak said the club also needed to "develop a holistic approach to all aspects of football at the club". "There wasn't the togetherness between player and manager," former defender Danny Mills told BBC Radio 5 live. "Basically, Mancini just ignored players from day one. He was the manager, he made decisions, he made no attempt to have any sort of relationship with the players, didn't take them under his wing. It was very much, 'I'm the manager, I'll do my thing, I'll pick the team, and then I'll disappear'." Of course he should be sacked. To sum it up, Mancini was never any good for Man City, with the exception of winning last season's Premiership, and I'm sure Moyes won't last one season at Man United.

Just pick one and lock it in already

In the past week, Eddie McGuire, president of Collingwood Football Club and host of the Australian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, has made his stance on racism unclear. Last Friday, a 13-year-old Collingwood fan referred to Adam Goodes, a footballer of Aboriginal descent, as an 'ape' during a game at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, following which McGuire apologised to Goodes "on behalf of the Collingwood Football Club and on behalf of football". McGuire criticised the girl and said that Collingwood had a "zero tolerance" policy towards racism. That's the good news. Bad news is yesterday, McGuire himself made an on-air racist reference to Adam Goodes and King Kong, also using the word 'ape'. Even worse, the board members of the Collingwood Football Club have offered Eddie McGuire their full support to continue as president. So which one is it? It's bad enough he bowled underarm with his King Kong comments, but we don't know where he truly stands on this thorny issue.

Rebels with arms

The two most notorious and violent street gangs in Honduras have promised to end the violence which has claimed tens of thousands of lives. Mara Salvatrucha and Mara 18 Street said they would commit to zero crime and zero violence on the streets. I don't believe them. No gang would just give up on violence like that. That's just stupid. In a not-so-stupid move, the European Union has voted to lift its embargo on arming Syrian rebels effective in August, in a move that British Foreign Secretary William Hague said was intended to pressure Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to negotiate. "It was a difficult decision for some countries, but it was necessary and right to reinforce international efforts to reach a diplomatic solution to the conflict in Syria," Hague said in a written statement. "It was important for Europe to send a clear signal to the Assad regime that it has to negotiate seriously, and that all options remain on the table if it refuses to do so." But what doesn't remain on the table is Nike's partnership with Livestrong. The sportswear giant is ceasing to make products for the Livestrong Foundation, the cancer charity founded by disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Vocab tests in spelling bees

In addition to unleashing gems like weissnichtwo and humuhumunukunukuapua'a on us, the 281 contestants in the Scripps National Spelling Bee, which begins today, will have to know what the words mean too. This is the first time in its 86 years that the competition has introduced a vocabulary component. It will count for 50% of a speller's overall score and will help determine which competitors take part in the semifinal and the championship rounds. Spelling tests, both computer-based and onstage, will make up the other half of their scores. This is just wrong. The reason these competitions are called "spelling" bees has nothing to do with vocabulary and definitions - it should remain strictly a spelling bee. That's why they even bothered to put the word spelling in it. Why they called it a bee, however, is a totally different story.

Tanks a lot

European Union foreign ministers are discussing British and French calls for an easing of sanctions against Syria so that weapons can be supplied to the rebels. France and the UK are expected to argue that the move would increase pressure on Damascus for a political solution. I too would support such a move, but then there's the problem of making sure Bashar's forces don't get a hold of them first. In fact, they should bring tanks in to help the rebels. And speaking of tanks, it took six years, but Jim Montgomery's dream to bring a battle tank to the South Haven American Legion post has come true. Last week, a tank that had been at a Veterans of Foreign Wars of the United States (VFW) hall in Au Gres, arrived at its permanent home on a concrete pad just east of the South Haven post on Michigan Avenue, overlooking the harbour. The tank at the post is an M60-A3, which was put into production in 1960. It's only fitting that the tank arrived at the post just days before Memorial Day. Also fitting is the fact that an intimate love story about two young French women has won the Palme d'Or for best film at the Cannes Film Festival. The movie in question, Blue is the Warmest Colour, is a three-hour coming-of-age movie in which Adele Exarchopoulos plays a 15-year-old who falls in love with an older woman played by Lea Seydoux, and it prevented US film-makers the Coen brothers from repeating their Palme d'Or success of 1991, when they won for Barton Fink. Their latest film Inside Llewyn Davis, about the 1960s New York folk scene, won this year's Grand Prix, effectively the runners-up prize.

Gay pride going Kiev Style

About 100 activists have staged Ukraine's first gay pride march in the capital Kiev, ignoring a court ban. A gay-rights event planned for last year in Kiev was called off at the last minute after a gathering of skinheads threatened participants. "This can be considered a historic day," Olena Semenova, one of the organisers, said. And even though the parade was unsanctioned, the police were the good guys this time around - they arrested 13 people for trying to break up the rally. In other news, Obama has defended the use of drones in a "just war" of self-defence against deadly militants and a campaign that had made America safer. In a wide-ranging speech on a programme shrouded in secrecy, he said there must be "near certainty" that no civilians would die in such strikes. "We are at war with an organisation that right now would kill as many Americans as they could if we did not stop them first," he said in Thursday's address at the National Defense University in Washington DC. "So this is a just war - a war waged proportionally, in last resort, and in self-defence." But just or not just, let's not dwell on that forever because if there is one movie you lot need to see, it's The Hangover: Part 3. I saw it yesterday and it is one of the funniest movies so far this year. Let's hope The Internship can top it.

Brown's tweets land him in the brown

An upstate New York student says he got a three-day suspension for creating a controversial Twitter hashtag encouraging discussion of the school district's failed budget. Pat Brown, a senior at Cicero-North Syracuse High School, says he created #s**tCNSshouldcut to brainstorm ways his school could save money in response to voters on Tuesday rejecting a $144.7 million budget plan. The budget did not receive the 60% voter approval it needed. Many students were concerned, Brown said, because the school board had warned that if a new budget was not eventually passed, they might have to eliminate athletic programs, other extra-curricular activities, and some teacher positions. The budget is up for a revote on June 18, and they'd better pass it or else the cuts will come rolling in during the academic year ahead.

Also in line for a shake-up is iOS. Rumours that Apple is preparing major design changes with iOS 7 continue to heat up, with new reports suggesting a more muted and flat design aesthetic. Last October, Jonathan Ive became responsible not only for the look and feel of Apple hardware, but also its software. By most accounts, Ive is not a fan of the skeuomorphic heavy design cues that currently dominate iOS. While it was previously rumoured that Ive was planning a broad user interface overhaul with iOS 7, we didn't have many specific details. Now, 9to5 Mac is reporting that Ive's look for iOS 7 will be "black, white, and flat all over." According to 9to5 Mac's sources, many of the textures currently present in iOS — linen on the notifications panel and leather in the calendar app — will be replaced with flat black and white colours. As for the home screen, apps will no longer have gloss, shadows, and shine applied to the icons, but their corners will remain rounded. 9to5 Mac also suggests that apps such as Mail, Calendar, and Maps will gain a more unified look. The report suggests that all apps will share a similar white base each with its own unique colour scheme. The green felt from Game Center and the wooden shelves from Newsstand have also reportedly been removed.

Scout's honour goes to the rainbow crowd

Openly gay youths will be allowed to join scouting, a historic decision the Boy Scouts of America says will keep it unclouded by "a single, divisive, and unresolved societal issue." More than 60% of the group's 1,400-member national council have voted at an annual meeting in Grapevine, Texas, for the change, which takes effect next year. "No youth may be denied membership in the Boy Scouts of America on the basis of sexual orientation or preference alone," says the resolution. This is a historic step forward, but unfortunately, the new policy does not go far enough, leaving adult Eagle Scouts, scout leaders, and parents behind. There is always something that can be done better. No matter how good you think your idea is, it can always be made better - unless, of course, it's Gangnam Style. Gangnam Style and PSY's latest hit, Gentleman, have almost two billion combined views. Click here and/or here to help bring two of the best songs in the world closer to the big 2 billion.

Scouts may soon take in the out

The eyes of the country will be upon Texas today, because that's where 1,400 members of the Boy Scouts of America's national council are expected to vote on whether to end the 103-year-old group's outright ban on gay youths. The vote comes more than a decade after a Supreme Court ruling that found the organization has the right to keep gays out, but also amid declining participation in the venerable American institution. The outcome, to be announced late afternoon (Central Daylight Time), follows months of intense debate among interest groups and within the ranks of scouting itself. It comes down to a single sentence at the end of a resolution, that sentence being "no youth may be denied membership in the Boy Scouts of America on the basis of sexual orientation or preference alone." If the policy change is approved, it won't take place until next year, and it won't be enough because the BSA will maintain its ban on openly gay adult leaders. It's about time the BSA started letting gay youths in, but what about openly gay adult leaders? They should change the word "youth" in the amendment to "person" so as to truly make Scouting for everybody.

Dictator lives to fight another day

Guatemala's top court has thrown out the conviction for genocide and crimes against humanity of former military leader Efrain Rios Montt. The constitutional court ruled that the trial should restart from the point where it stood on 19 April. On 10 May, Gen Rios Montt was convicted of ordering the deaths of 1,771 people of the Ixil Maya ethnic group during his time in office in 1982-83. They shouldn't just restart a trial like that, because what Rios Montt did is genocide and he should be executed for his part in the atrocities. You can't just order the ethnic cleansing of a minority group and expect to get away with it. It has already taken the courts 30 years to punish the wrongdoers, so why should it take any longer?

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Train derailments

Two trains have derailed in the same area within days of each other, but KiwiRail says it is just an unfortunate coincidence. Spokeswoman Kimberley Brady confirmed a Matangi train derailed in the Wellington Railway Station yards on Friday and would remain there until this weekend. KiwiRail had started its own investigation, but it was thought the derailment was caused by a points failure, points being part of a railway track that steer trains on appropriate tracks. The derailment came three days before another derailment yesterday that caused major commuter delays and saw 350 people stranded on the older Ganz Mavag train, which left the tracks near the Interislander terminal. They'd better start work on fixing the points soon, and preferably before a third train derails. It's only a matter of time before the worst comes.

Draw at the end of the road

Sir Alex Ferguson requested that his Manchester United players express themselves in his final game in charge, and that's what they did this morning at The Hawthorns during an unbelievable 5-5 draw (Man United's first 5-5 draw since 1895) against West Brom. With the sun shining on the scene of his footballing farewell, the Scot saw his side throw away 3-0 and 5-2 leads as history was made in the Black Country. Shinji Kagawa, Alex Büttner, Robin van Persie, and Javier Hernandez all scored, and Jonas Olsson put through his own net, but a hat-trick by substitute Romelu Lukaku, along with one goal each by James Morrison and Youssouf Lubumbu, helped the Baggies ensure Sir Alex's career ended on a slightly disappointing note. Only one yellow card was given out; it was given to Paul Scholes, who is also retiring. Now 5-5 may not have been the parting result Sir Alex would have wanted, or deserved, but there was entertainment all the way, and as he waved farewell to the away end, he may have reflected that any more matches like this would not be good for his blood pressure!

Copeland coping well

On May 1, 2012, Aimee Copeland, a University of West Georgia graduate student, was outdoors with friends at the Little Tallapoosa River, about 50 miles west of Atlanta when the homemade zip line she was holding snapped. She fell and got a gash in her leg that required 22 staples to close. Three days later, still in pain, she went to an emergency room, and doctors eventually determined she had necrotizing fasciitis caused by the flesh-devouring bacteria Aeromonas hydrophila. Doctors performed amputations to save her life. She lost parts of all limbs: her hands, a leg, and a foot. Fast-forward to May 2013, Aimee now uses the latest technology in prosthetic hands to chop vegetables, pick up tiny items like Skittles, and comb and iron press her hair. With the bionic hands, Copeland is looking forward to cleaning her house and cooking her own food. "I really want to be able to get back in the kitchen and start cooking some delicious vegetarian meals for myself," she said as she used the hands in a demonstration for media outlets this week. "It just mimics so well a natural hand that it really just reminds me of before the accident, how I would have done things," she added. "I never thought I would actually be able to hold a knife and cut something. That's just incredible." Yes it is, but there's also the price to consider: the "i-limb ultra revolution" hands can cost up to US$120,000 each, according to a spokesman for manufacturer Touch Bionics. This means that I won't be getting them anytime soon, especially as I don't need any prosthetic body parts at this point in time.

Gay marriage? C'est bon!

France has become the 14th country to legalise same-sex marriage after President Francois Hollande, who made "marriage for all" a central plank of his presidential election campaign last year, signed the measure into law following months of bitter political debate. Hollande acted a day after the Constitutional Council threw out a legal challenge by the right-wing opposition, which had been the last obstacle to passing the bill into law. The legislation also legalises gay adoption. But while gay rights groups hailed the move, opponents of the measures have vowed to fight on. But you can't fight this: a new study finds that painless electrical stimulation to the brain helped people perform a set of calculations faster than people who didn't receive the shocks. Not only that, the skills appeared to last long-term. "With just five days of cognitive training and noninvasive, painless brain stimulation, we were able to bring about long-lasting improvements in cognitive and brain functions," study author Roi Cohen Kadosh, an experimental psychologist at the University of Oxford, said in a statement. I know a few people who could benefit from this treatment, Justin Bieber being one of those. And speaking of bad taste, a Jersey City woman has been charged with aggravated assault after she threw hot water and broccoli on her daughter after a dispute. The woman, 40-year-old Themyra Pridgen of Old Bergen Road in Jersey City, made her first appearance today in Central Judicial Processing court in Jersey City via video link from Hudson County jail. Information on her daughter's condition was not immediately available.

50 billion users can't be wrong

Apple has sold its 50 billionth application through its App Store. The Cupertino-based maker of computers, iPads, iPhones, and iPods, said Apple device users were now downloading 800 applications per second or two billion apps per month. The 50 billionth download was by Brandon Ashmore from Mentor, Ohio, who bought wordgame Say the Same Thing by Space Inch, LLC, and received a $10,000 App Store Gift Card for his download. Congratulations, Mr. Ashmore. I hope you get a lot more good luck out of that card. Speaking of good luck, decorated New Zealand director Jane Campion has been presented with the prestigious Carrosse d'Or at the Cannes Film Festival. Campion was honoured by her peers at the opening of the Directors' Fortnight, following an illustrious list of previous recipients including Clint Eastwood. This is not Australian-based Campion's first win at Cannes - she had also won the coveted Palme d'Or (best film prize) for her 1993 drama The Piano.

Byron goes royal

Media speculation is rife that former All Black Byron Kelleher may be romantically involved with Princess Charlene of Monaco. Spanish newspaper ABC ignited the flame at the weekend with a report that the wife of Prince Albert II did not accompany her husband to the coronation of the new Dutch King Willem-Alexander two weeks ago because she was in her native South Africa with Kelleher. So what? If Byron is romantically involved with a princess, good for them. Now onto something not so good: BP has warned that millions of dollars of "fictitious" compensation claims for the 2010 Gulf of Mexico oil spill are putting the company at risk. The group has sought an injunction to stop payouts to companies which its argues are claiming fraudulent or inflated losses from its 8.2 billion US dollar (£5.4 billion) compensation pot. Reports said an appeal document recently filed by BP in the US courts argues that businesses from the Gulf coast have been handed millions of dollars for "non-existent, artificially calculated losses". This is just Big Oil being Big Oil. BP are still not taking any responsibility for their part in the oil spill. They shouldn't have drilled there, maybe then they wouldn't be in this mess.

Free Syrian Army not as free as we thought

The Free Syrian Army has pledged to punish atrocities amid outrage over a video showing the mutilation of a corpse, as the regime ruled out discussing President Bashar Al-Assad's departure in negotiations. The mainstream rebel group made the statement after a gruesome video of an alleged rebel fighter cutting out and apparently eating the organs of a regime soldier emerged online. This is not how the Free Syrian Army should be dealing with this - I would recommend that soldier for a promotion because he gave the regime a good taste of their own medicine. And speaking of medicine, Chinese police have busted two gangs involved in the production and sale of counterfeit medicines and health products, the Ministry of Public Security (MPS) announced yesterday. The counterfeit medicines, including cold remedy capsules Nifedipine Tablets, were produced in central Henan Province by local unemployed villagers and sold in many other provinces.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: D-Mar Construction

Belizean police are investigating said construction company after they had destroyed most of one of the largest Mayan pyramids in the Caribbean nation to make gravel to dump on village roads. Archaeologists and a local TV station witnessed the destruction on Friday as bulldozers and excavators continued to demolish the 60-foot-tall main temple at Nohmul ("great mound"), one of the tallest structures in northern Belize, along the Mexican border in the Yucatan Peninsula. "We can't salvage what has happened out here," John Morris, of the Institute of Archaeology, told 7 News Belize. "It is an incredible display of ignorance. I am appalled." So am I. You don't just bulldoze ancient ruins for your own agenda. There's bound to be some other place they could've gotten stone from, and besides, all pre-Hispanic ruins in Belize are protected by law, so criminal charges are a possibility.

Swans lose to best in Fergie's last home game

This morning at Old Trafford, Manchester United supporters heralded their champions and bade emotional farewells to Sir Alex Ferguson and Paul Scholes before, during, and after a 2-1 victory over Swansea. Javier Hernandez slid home the opening goal of the game shortly before half-time of a game in which United bossed possession, only for Michu to draw the visitors level shortly after the interval. Swansea improved markedly after the break, and either side could have secured victory in an open second half, but it was left to unlikely hero Rio Ferdinand to blast home the winner with just three minutes remaining. Not only did the only good team in the Premier League win, it was a fair, clean fight in which nobody was shown either card.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's Super-Wheat!

British scientists say they have developed a new type of wheat which could increase productivity by 30%. The Cambridge-based National Institute of Agricultural Botany has combined an ancient ancestor of wheat with a modern variety to produce a new strain. In early trials, the resulting crop seemed bigger and stronger than the current modern wheat varieties. That is quite impressive, but it will take at least five years of tests and regulatory approval before it is harvested by farmers. While we wait for the harvesting of said wheat to commence, I suggest visiting an Argentine town which has risen from the briny deep in the Argentinian farmlands southwest of Buenos Aires. Villa Epecuen was once a bustling little lakeside resort, where 1,500 people served 20,000 tourists a season. But disaster struck when the town was flooded without warning after a long period of heavy rains finally sent the lagoon bursting over its banks, submerging the small community in 1985. The town hasn't been rebuilt but it has become a tourist destination again, for people willing to drive at least six hours from Buenos Aires to get there, along 340 miles (550km) of narrow country roads. People come to see the rusted hulks of automobiles, furniture, crumbled homes, and broken appliances. They climb staircases that lead nowhere and wander through a graveyard where the water toppled headstones and exposed tombs to the elements. It's a bizarre, post-apocalyptic landscape that captures a traumatic moment in time.

SHIELD ready to assemble on the small screen

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD is coming to the small screen. That's right, ABC has picked up Marvel's first TV series, which focuses on a small group of agents from the worldwide law-enforcement agency known as SHIELD. They investigate the strange and unknown in an effort to protect the public. The network also picked up 11 other series, including Super Fun Night (which stars Rebel Wilson) and The Goldbergs. But enough about that because Pakistanis headed to the polls today in an election that will mark the first transition between civilian governments in the nation's 66-year history. The election is a rarity for the young nation which, in its short existence, has experienced three military coups, been ruled by generals for half its life, and remains mired in political turmoil. But all that might change one day. Speaking of change, there is one accommodation provider in New Zealand that needs to loosen its uptight morals which are more befitting of Texas. The offending accommodation is a place in Whangarei called Pilgrim Planet Lodge. A lesbian couple were turned away from said guesthouse after it refused to let them share a bed. Jane Collison and Paula Knight made an online booking for a room with a king-sized bed at the Pilgrim Planet Lodge. But when they arrived on Tuesday, they were told only rooms with single beds were available. When they queried the booking, the owner eventually told them the booking was correct, but she was offended by same-sex couples sleeping in the same bed. She would not even let them push two singles together, so they had to go somewhere else. Seriously, people, this is not on. It is illegal under the Human Rights Act to discriminate against someone in the provision of goods and services because of their sexual orientation. Lesbians are people too.

Leaks in space

An ammonia leak has been detected in the cooling system outside of the International Space Station. Crew members at the orbital outpost spotted white flakes of ammonia floating away from the space station at about 1.30pm NZT. However, NASA has since confirmed that no crew members are in danger and the station is operating normally. That is good news and so is this: a military judge has again denied a request from accused Fort Hood gunman Army Major Nidal Hasan to remove the death penalty as a punishment option in his forthcoming court-martial on charges of killing 13 people in a 2009 shooting rampage. That was the good news, but now for the bad: David Moyes has been appointed as the new manager of Manchester United after agreeing a six-year deal. The 50-year-old, who will replace 71-year-old Alex Ferguson on July 1, revealed his desire to leave current club Everton earlier yesterday. Moyes, who has been in charge at Goodison Park since 2002, will take charge of the club's final two Premier League games of the season before making the move to Old Trafford. But seriously, why is Fergie doing this to his fans? Moyes hasn't won a single Premiership for Everton, and I highly doubt he'll be the best thing for the Reds - they might even be relegated under his leadership.

Tales of the Subconscious - coming to a theatre near you!

Researchers are developing technology that can change the outcome of films based on the subconscious desires of the audience. Could it spell the end for the familiar sense of disappointment at movie endings? Maybe, but for now, we should be worried about a poisonous moth caterpillar which is on the increase in some parts of the UK, having been found in South London and Berkshire. The oak processionary caterpillars can cause allergic reactions because each insect is covered with thousands of toxic hairs, which can cause irritation to the eyes, the throat, and the skin. And speaking of poison, if any American has the power of persuasion over North Korea's defiant young ruler, it might be eccentric ex-basketball star Dennis Rodman. So when Rodman digitally called for Kim Jong Un to release U.S. citizen Kenneth Bae, he may have a shot at a response. "I'm calling on the Supreme Leader of North Korea or as I call him "Kim", to do me a solid and cut Kenneth Bae loose," Rodman tweeted. He might as well put a gun to Kim's head and force him to step down and allow democracy to kick in.

Another Margaret bites the dust

Margaret Groening (pictured), the mother of The Simpsons creator Matt Groening and the basis for animated matriarch Marge, has died in Portland, Oregon aged 94. Her death was announced in an obituary notice in The Oregonian, which stated she died in her sleep on 22 April. Many of Matt Groening's family details went on to feature in The Simpsons, among them his mother's maiden name - Wiggum - and his father's name Homer. But enough about that because the man accused of killing 12 people and injuring dozens in the July massacre at a Batman film in Colorado intends to plead not guilty by reason of insanity, his lawyers have said. Lawyers for 25-year-old Holmes said they would ask for the change of plea at a hearing on Monday. A judge previously entered a not guilty plea after the defence said Mr Holmes was not ready to plead. Prosecutors have said they will seek the death penalty, which should most definitely be considered because Mr Holmes is charged with multiple counts of murder and attempted murder in the 20 July attack in Aurora, Colorado. The attack, which was one of the worst mass shootings in US history, took place at the midnight premiere of the newest Batman film in a suburb of Denver. Holmes is also accused of booby-trapping his apartment with explosive chemical and incendiary devices linked by wires, intended to distract emergency responders from the cinema shooting.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Brenda Heist

Brenda Heist is the name of a Pennsylvania mother who left the laundry half done and dinner defrosting in the kitchen 11 years ago to go hitchhiking with strangers, but has returned home. Heist's two children, eight and 12 when she disappeared, are now grown. Her husband is remarried. Her family had long ago written her off as dead. Her ex had even been a murder suspect in the case. Heist was going through a divorce and struggling financially when she went missing in 2002. Tonight's shaming isn't about her little (well, not so little) disappearing act, but rather about some of the criminal acts she committed while legally dead. On Friday, Heist was taken into custody in Alachua County, Florida under the alias of Kelsi Smith for violating parole out of Pensacola for stealing a woman's driver's license. Heist was originally sent to jail following an arrest in Pinellas County for driving with an expired tag and drug possession. During that arrest, the courts learned that Heist, using her "Smith" name, was wanted in Pensacola for stealing the driver's license and sent her to Santa Rosa County to face charges. She was released from jail several weeks ago and did not report to her parole officer, which led to an arrest warrant out of Santa Rosa County in the Pensacola area.

Mata weakens insurmountable lead

Manchester United were beaten at Old Trafford this morning by a Chelsea side chasing a top-four spot as the champions conceded a late winner to Juan Mata. It was the first time the Reds failed to score in a home league game since December 2009, against Aston Villa, and the hosts ended a clash that often lacked any real intensity with 10 men after Howard Webb decided to flash a red card at Rafael in the closing stages. Webb had also flashed three yellow cards during the game.

Professor not too Keyne on Keynes

Harvard history professor Niall Ferguson has apologised for saying that John Maynard Keynes, an influential British economist who died in 1946, did not care about society's future because he was gay and had no children. Prof Ferguson, born in Scotland, made the comments at a conference in California on Thursday. He has now apologised "unreservedly" for what he called "stupid" and "insensitive" remarks, but that doesn't excuse his lapse in judgment. It is possible to be gay, childless, or both while still caring about the future of society. In other news, the boring university lecture is going to be the first major casualty of the rise in online learning in higher education, says Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales. The custodian of the world's biggest online encyclopaedia says that unless universities respond to the rising tide of online courses, then new major players will emerge to displace them in the way that Microsoft arrived from nowhere alongside the personal computer. "I think that the impact is going to be massive and transformative," says Mr Wales, describing the importance of the MOOCs (massive open online courses) that have signed up millions of students.

S4 takes nasty shot at 4S

You thought it might be all over. You thought that Samsung had tired of suggesting Apple was a fading brand for geriatrics. You may also have thought that the world runs on Cabernet and common sense. Yes, the Galaxy S4 was launched on a rocket of the beige and the tasteless. But those were just the corporate folks doing their thing. But having gotten over its tame international launch of the S4, Samsung's American arm resumes its denigration of Apple, suggesting only old folks own an iPhone. This stunt is nothing short of an outright lie. I have an iPhone, but does that make me old and wrinkly? No. Samsung are just posturing. To see their lame excuse for an ad, click here. But enough about that because
for its trip to Mars,
NASA wants haikus like this.
Why? Because it's cool.

It's no joke. NASA really is collecting submissions of three-line poems from the public to send into space aboard the Mars Atmosphere and Volatile Evolution (MAVEN) spacecraft, which will launch later this year for a mission to study the Red Planet's atmosphere. NASA and the University of Colorado at Boulder's Laboratory for Atmospheric and Space Physics are coordinating the "Going to Mars" campaign to collect names and haikus from any members of the public to be added to a DVD that will ride aboard MAVEN. All the names of entrants will be included on the DVD, but only three haikus will be chosen to make the trip. Why there's only room for three poems, or why any martians floating around in the planet's upper atmosphere are more likely to have access to a DVD player than a USB port or SD card reader remain mysteries, but it's a fun campaign nonetheless. Anyone can register on the Going to Mars Web site and submit his or her name and haiku to be included, but if you're under 18, you're technically supposed to have a parent or teacher go through the registration and submission process for you.

Ref almost down for the count

46-year-old Ricardo Portillo, a longtime Utah soccer referee, is in a coma after being punched by a teenage player unhappy with one of his calls during a weekend game, and his family says they're hoping for the man's miraculous recovery and want justice for him. Portillo has swelling in his brain and his recovery is uncertain as he remains in critical condition, Dr. Shawn Smith said yesterday at the Intermountain Medical Center in the Salt Lake City suburb of Murray. Police say a 17-year-old player in a recreational soccer league punched Portillo after the man called a foul on him and issued him a yellow card. The teen has been booked into juvenile detention on suspicion of aggravated assault. Those charges could be amplified if Portillo dies. The attack on Saturday wasn't the first time Portillo has been assaulted by an angry player while refereeing. Five years ago, a player upset with a call broke his ribs. A few years before that, a player broke his leg. But enough about that because we have another punching incident to mention here. A lawmaker from Greece’s extreme-right Golden Dawn party allegedly tried to punch the mayor of Athens yesterday, swinging at him but reportedly missing and hitting a 12-year-old girl instead. The confrontation came hours after police used pepper spray to prevent the nationalist party from distributing free food – only to Greek citizens – in the city’s main Syntagma Square in defiance of a municipal ban the mayor had vowed to uphold. Seriously, why should this incident be escalated by punching a kid in the forehead? He should go to jail for his stupidity. Extreme actions, especially when their victims are innocent 12-year-old children, do not befit that or any other democracy, and neither does the fact that gunmen have shot dead the prosecutor investigating the murder of Pakistan's ex-leader Benazir Bhutto. The attackers shot Chaudhry Zulfiqar Ali as he drove to a court hearing in the case. He lost control of his car, which hit and killed a pedestrian. But back to the punches, this time it's a blue jay and a gumball machine:

Who you calling niggle?

I saw this poster today on the window of an insurance agent. People should be more careful about what words they put on posters because the word niggle sounds too close to a racial slur, despite being etymologically unrelated. The word niggle, according to Wiktionary, was first attested in 1599; origin is uncertain, but likely from Old Norse nigla and/or nugla, meaning to fuss over small matters. Niggle is however related to the word niggardly, which is also unrelated to the N-word. But then again, would you ask a black waitress not to be niggardly with the coffee? Before you do, remember that you have to pass the N-word to get to the 'dly' part. Back in 1999, a man named David Howard used the word niggardly when discussing a budget and after a black guy in the audience filed a complaint, Howard resigned from his position ten days later. So think before you speak. Obeying that one simple rule can get you very far in life.

Negro Creek is a no-go

South Dakota has slowly been updating its maps, dropping several outdated-sounding place names in favor of ones that are more, well, inoffensive. Locations like Negro Creek and Squaw Humper Dam will become Howes Creek and Tahc'a Okute Mni Onaktake, respectively (no, I can't pronounce that, either.) Speaking of offensive, Sean Bailey, a worker at a McDonald's in Auckland, had been discriminated against on two separate occasions during work, as well as being told to change his voice because it sounded "too gay". One of his managers said "if you act gay on my shift, I will discipline you" and, "if you turn anyone else in the store gay, I will punish you and make you lose your job". Bailey said the comments made him embarrassed to return to work. "I had to call in sick just because I couldn't work with him, which meant I lost work hours and money." This sort of rubbish is not on, and neither is this: a winery has lost 6000 litres of merlot (enough to fill 8000 750ml bottles) after vandals opened a tank valve and left it to drain. Staff at Moana Park at Puketapu, near Napier, arrived on Saturday morning to find $165,000 of wine spilled onto the ground. Owner and winemaker Dan Barker said the loss was "gutting" and had put a valuable Japanese contract at risk. The wine was heading for a supermarket chain in Japan, and the buyer was at Moana Park the morning the vandalism was discovered. "It's three-quarters of a container of wine not going to Japan now," Mr Barker said. "The long term cost on the business is greater because they'll have to find a replacement because we don't have any more wine, so we may lose the contract." So let this be a lesson: next time you want to steal or destroy property, think about the long-term consequences your decision could have on all involved parties.