FRIDY FILM BEAT: Last Vegas

Last Vegas was one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Need I say more? Actually, yes I do because we have a Bellend of the Month for January 2014, and it's another posthumous entry - Christopher Albano. The 35-year-old from Florida came home drunk around 2:30am (Eastern Standard Time) on New Year's Day and started hitting his wife. The 15-year-old boy rushed to her defense by grabbing a gun and shooting the violent father dead on the spot. There were two other children in the home at the time. The boy was taken into custody soon after, but not arrested while police decided whether to file charges, according to multiple reports. I hope they don't. That kid did the right thing in putting Albano out of his misery, and I probably would've pulled the same heroics in that situation.

Everything's coming up peanuts

OK so Mork and Mindy will soon be saying "nanu-nanu" to each other after almost 32 years (see yesterday's post), but an allergy sufferer's body can be programmed to say "nanu-nanu" to peanuts for what may well be the first time. Here's how: doctors say a potential treatment for peanut allergy has transformed the lives of children taking part in a large clinical trial. The 85 children had to eat peanut protein every day - initially in small doses, but ramped up during the study. They started off on a dose equivalent to a one 70th of a peanut. Once a fortnight the dose was increased while the children were in hospital and then they continued taking the higher dose at home. The majority of patients learned to tolerate the peanut - the findings suggest 84% of allergic children could eat the equivalent of five peanuts a day after six months. However, experts caution the therapy is not yet ready for widespread use. Despite that one caveat, the trial really transformed participants' lives dramatically. This large study is the first of its kind in the world to have had such a positive outcome, and is an important advance in peanut allergy research. It's a potential treatment and the next step is to make it available to patients, but there will be significant costs in providing the treatment - in the specialist centres and staff and producing the peanut to a sufficiently high standard. And I hope said standard is higher than what Justin Bieber holds himself to. The 19-year-old arrived at a Toronto police station for booking last night (Eastern Standard Time) amid a chaotic scene as determined photographers, reporters, screaming fans, and the curious converged around his SUV. About a dozen Toronto police officers shoved their way through the crowd to escort Bieber, getting him through the door only after a struggle. The alleged incident happened after the limo driver picked up a group of six people outside a Toronto nightclub just before 3 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time) on December 30, according to a police statement. "While driving the group to a hotel, an altercation occurred between one of the passengers and the driver of the limousine," the police statement said. "In the course of the altercation, a man struck the limousine driver on the back of the head several times. The driver stopped the limousine, exited the vehicle, and called police," which I believe was the right thing to do in that situation.

Guess who's back, back again? Mindy's back, tell a friend!

You heard right, people of Earth. The Crazy Ones is reuniting Robin Williams with former on-screen wife Pam Dawber (who in real life is married to NCIS star Mark Harmon - and yes that does make them Mark and Mindy) for an episode to air this spring. In what will be Dawber's first acting role in fifteen years, she will play Lily, an author of travel memoirs who catches the eye of Williams' ad agency exec, Simon Roberts. The two meet at a signing for her latest book, Ninety Countries, 90 Dances! Instantly smitten, Simon falls for this adventurous free spirit who seems up for anything. Perhaps a jaunt to Ork in a giant egg...? Maybe not, but the two are reported to be happy to be working with each other again, with Robin saying "It will be a joy to work with her again. It's a dream come true," and Pam saying "I'm so excited to be able to see and work with Robin again. I hear The Crazy Ones’ set is a very happy one. I know it'll be a great week!" I'm sure it will be, but right now, it's a great week for Manchester United and their new signing Juan Mata, even though he didn't score any goals this morning at Old Trafford. Instead, Robin van Persie and Ashley Young grabbed the goals as Moyes' men picked up a welcome three points with a 2-0 victory against Cardiff City, and the only yellow card in the match went to Cardiff City's Craig Bellamy, who is one of just three Welsh players on the squad. I just hope Moyes can pick up more three-pointers before Mork and Mindy (pictured then and now) reunite.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Not getting Chuck Norris involved

Seriously, people. Take it from the above video - Raven would have had much better luck getting the green slime out of the other Titans' uniforms if she had just got Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick the slime out. That guy really can do the impossible - he can make a Happy Meal cry, cut through a hot knife with butter, slam a revolving door, and light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together among other things. He even counted to infinity - twice. Think about that next time you have a similar problem.

Solar power a bright idea for upcoming iPhone

There is impressive evidence that Apple is moving into solar power in a big way, not just in the projected 4.4 million square feet of office and manufacturing space slated for solar, but in the next generation iPhones and iPod Touch. In an impressive, well-researched post on the Seeking Alpha investor blog, Matt Margolis puts together the diverse pieces of the puzzle and comes to the convincing conclusion that more than just growing sapphire will be going on at Apple’s new 1.3 million square foot plant in Mesa, Arizona. Specifically, he argues that the combination of patents, job postings, and equipment orders all point to Apple developing the ability within the coming year to etch very precise channels in the underside of the protective sapphire veneers it will be adhering to the new iPhone and iPod Touch screens into which it will deposit compounds to create highly efficient solar cells to help charge the devices. So no more having to use the cords - just leave it in the sun for a while and you're good to go. Speaking of going, the going is about to get tough for Justin Bieber, because while the Canadian teenager decompresses on a Panama beach after a wild week in Miami, a prosecutor will decide if he will face a felony charge in Los Angeles. Detectives who went frame by frame over security video seized from Bieber's California mansion are close to carrying their egg attack evidence to the Los Angeles district attorney for a decision. While Bieber's drunken driving arrest in Miami Beach on Thursday earned him his first mug shot, a felony vandalism case could be the biggest threat to Bieber's freedom and ability to tour the world. Although a felony could carry jail time, probation appears much more likely if Bieber is ultimately convicted. Chris Brown, who pleaded guilty to assaulting Rihanna on the eve of the Grammys five years ago, avoided time in a California jail despite the violence involved in the beating of his girlfriend. But probation has proven to be a major hindrance to his music career, for he is now in court-ordered rehab for three months and will have to spend several days each week until August working on a community labour crew to complete his probation requirements. Probation could also have Bieber walking on eggshells for several years if he is convicted of launching eggs over a fence onto his neighbour's mansion. His probation officer would possibly have to approve any travel outside of California, which could hamper the world touring that contributes to his income and fame. But if that douche does go to prison, there is also the possibility that he won't be able to see what all the fuss is about with Bill Cosby's return to TV. That's right, Bill Cosby is returning to NBC with a new sitcom, which will bring the 76-year-old comedian back to the same network where his groundbreaking 1980s sitcom "The Cosby Show" had an eight-year run. The Cosby Show portrayed an upper-middle-class African-American family, and it's credited with helping revive NBC's fortunes and blazing a path for other shows featuring African-Americans (including but not limited to spin-off A Different World). Cosby played Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable, the patriarch of that TV family. Phylicia Rashad played his wife Clair, and would play his wife a second time on another sitcom simply called "Cosby," which aired on CBS in the 1990s.

Rules get ruled out

Ripping up the playground rulebook is having incredible effects on children at an Auckland school. Chaos may reign at Swanson Primary School with children climbing trees, riding skateboards, and playing bullrush during playtime, but surprisingly the students don't cause bedlam, according to principal Bruce McLachlan, who rid the school of playtime rules as part of a successful university experiment. "We want kids to be safe and to look after them, but we end up wrapping them in cotton wool when in fact they should be able to fall over. When you look at our playground it looks chaotic. From an adult's perspective, it looks like kids might get hurt, but they don't." Even better, the school is actually seeing a drop in bullying, serious injuries, and vandalism, while concentration levels in class are increasing. This is clearly not a playtime revolution, but a return to the days before health and safety policies came to rule. And speaking of rules, bigger screens are already beginning to rule the phone world, and Apple are now throwing their hat into the ring. Citing "people familiar with the situation," The Wall Street Journal claims that Apple will be launching a 4.5-inch and a 5-inch display iPhone this year due to mounting competition from flagship, big-screen Android handsets. The publication also states that according to its sources, both handsets will sport a metal casing and that the iPhone 5C, launched this September, will be discontinued. It's about time Apple got on board because their iPhone is now the only flagship smartphone on the market with a sub 4.5-inch screen. When challenged about this display shortfall, Apple has always pointed to two factors - a) a bigger screen uses more power and battery life is just a critical to a good handset as being able to watch a video, and b) a phone should be simple to hold and use with a single hand. That's why when Apple did bump its phones' screen sizes up from 3.5 to four inches in 2012, it did so by making the handsets longer, rather than wider. In other mobile news, South Korea is investing in a 5G mobile internet service, which it says will be 1000 times faster than 4G. While most of the world has yet to experience the improvements offered by 4G services, South Korea's science ministry said it aims to implement the technology within six years. The science ministry said 5G will allow users to download a 800-megabyte movie file in one second, compared with 40 seconds using 4G. "We helped fuel national growth with 2G services in the 1990s, 3G in the 2000s, and 4G around 2010. Now it is time to take pre-emptive action to develop 5G," the science ministry said in a statement. "Countries in Europe, China, and the US are making aggressive efforts to develop 5G technology and we believe there will be fierce competition in this market in a few years." There will also be a focus on new features such as ultra-HD, cutting-edge social networking services, and hologram transmission. But by that time, development will have started on 6G, which I'm sure will be even more powerful than 5G could ever aim for.

Goodbye gigabit, hello terabit

Thought gigabit internet was fast? Think again. The "fastest ever" broadband speeds have been achieved in a test in London, raising hopes of more efficient data transfer via existing infrastructure. Alcatel-Lucent and British Telecom said speeds of 1.4 terabits per second were achieved during their joint test - enough to send 44 uncompressed HD films a second. The test was conducted on a 410km link between the BT Tower in central London and Ipswich. This breakthrough is being seen as highly important for internet service providers (ISPs), as it means a greater amount of information can be sent through existing broadband infrastructure, reducing the need for costly upgrades. "BT and Alcatel-Lucent are making more from what they've got," explained Oliver Johnson, chief executive of broadband analyst firm Point Topic. "It allows them to increase their capacity without having to spend much more money." However, it may be many years before consumers notice any effect. While we're waiting for terabit speeds to become the norm worldwide (which might never happen), we can enjoy some purple tomatoes. You read that right - purple tomatoes. Their purple pigment is the result of the transfer of a gene from a snapdragon plant - the modification triggers a process within the tomato plant allowing anthocyanin to develop. Anthocyanin is an antioxidant which studies on animals show could help fight cancer, and give the tomatoes the same potential health benefits as fruit such as blueberries. Scientists say the new tomatoes could improve the nutritional value of everything from ketchup to pizza topping. And speaking of the top, India's top court has ordered the district judge of Birbhum in eastern West Bengal state to submit a fact-finding report on the horrific gang-rape of a tribal woman. A three-member panel of Supreme Court judges expressed shock over the "disturbing" incident and ordered that a report be filed by Monday after a visit to the village to ascertain the facts of the case. Meanwhile, lawyers and women's groups have criticised the police of Birbhum district for not seeking the remand of 13 villagers arrested for allegedly gang-raping the woman. The suspects - belonging to Labhpur village - were accused of raping the woman on January 21 on the orders of a council of village elders for having a relationship with a man outside their tribe. Seriously, who cares? If people were to marry and procreate solely within their tribe, the gene pool wouldn't be diverse enough to cater for everyone and in time, the birth defects associated with inbreeding would one day appear within the tribes in question. And on another note, punishing sex that may have taken place in the course of the undesired relationship with more sex is just stupid and wouldn't be a real solution to the supposed "problem".

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: American Hustle

Great movie, great story, great cast - great everything in fact. I would most certainly recommend you see this. If you don't, then you're really missing out. Go to the cinema, wait until it comes out on DVD or Netflix, or even illegally download it like I did (click here for your very own copy but do so at your own risk as the Copyright Nazis could be on to you), but no matter which way you choose to go, you need to see this.

The picture says it all

Not only are Manchester United's fortunes sliding on the pitch, their fortune could also be dwindling off it. Despite seeing a rise in revenue to $574 million, for the first time in 17 years they can no longer count themselves among the top three richest football clubs in the world. For an organization that once spent eight years on top of an annual money table compiled by business advisory firm Deloitte, it represents a financial blow for one of soccer's most decorated clubs. Despite winning no silverware last season, Spanish giants Real Madrid came top for a record ninth consecutive year with a total revenue of $702 million, $47 million ahead of domestic rivals Barcelona in second. We all know the person to point the finger at here - it's David Moyes. His team currently sit seventh in the table, 14 points behind leaders Arsenal, and were knocked out of the FA Cup by Swansea and the League Cup by Sunderland. They have qualified for the knockout phase of the Champions League though, facing Greek side Olympiakos in the last 16. But will they make it to the quarterfinal, let alone the final? I don't think so, but Moyes has been able to win games for Man United so far this season.

Stadium not going fast enough

There are less than five months to go until the World Cup begins in Brazil but the clock is ticking for another of the global football fiesta's host cities. Curitiba, the capital of the southern state of Parana, is so behind with its stadium renovations that Fifa could strip it of its host status. On a trip to inspect the venue, Jerome Valcke, secretary general of the sport's governing body, told reporters: "You cannot organize games if you do not have a stadium - that's obvious. "If you don't have a stadium then you cannot have four games taking place here. So that's why again there is this emergency situation." Fifa has now given builders in the city of Curitiba a new deadline of February 18 to show a marked improvement in the stadium, and they'd better shape up otherwise the four games scheduled for the arena could be shipping out. An speaking of ships, new ships, expanded technology, and pop culture phenomena are some of the factors making 2014 an alluring year for a vacation at sea. January through March is known as "wave season" - when cruise lines roll out perks and promotions to entice travelers. But don't fret if you're not ready to plunk down your credit card. because experts are predicting more year-round savings at sea. The traditional wave season booking window can be a great time to snag a deal such as 2-for-1 fares, on-board credits, and suite upgrades, according to online cruise guide Cruise Critic, but it doesn't always reflect rock-bottom pricing. Cruise Critic Editor-in-Chief Carolyn Spencer Brown says that she's expecting this year to bring "especially competitive pricing" in the Caribbean, because of an influx of ships plying those waters. And if Alaska is on your cruising bucket list, she says now is a great time to book and take advantage of discounts for travel in April or May. But enough about that because after months of diplomatic maneuvering and last-minute slips, delegates have gathered in the lakeside Swiss city of Montreux to press for easing hostilities in Syria’s bloody civil war. The delegates, gathering in a luxury hotel to try to bridge the enormous gulf between the combatants and their outside backers, included for the first time in such a forum delegates from President Bashar al-Assad’s government and his exiled political opponents, along with other key players that included the United States, Russia, and the United Nations, whose secretary general, Ban Ki-moon, said the challenges ahead were “formidable.”

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Assad's evil regime

That may be a bad idea in any week, but there's now proof of his evil misdeeds. A team of internationally renowned war crimes prosecutors and forensic experts has found "direct evidence" of "systematic torture and killing" by the Syrian President Bashar al-Assad's regime, the lawyers on the team say in a new report. Their report, based on thousands of photographs of dead bodies of alleged detainees killed in Syrian government custody, would stand up in an international criminal tribunal. "This is a smoking gun," said David Crane, one of the report's authors. "Any prosecutor would like this kind of evidence - the photos and the process. This is direct evidence of the regime's killing machine." Crane, the first chief prosecutor of the Special Court for Sierra Leone, indicted former Liberian President Charles Taylor for war crimes and crimes against humanity. Taylor went on to become the first former head of state convicted of war crimes since World War II. He was sentenced to 50 years in prison, and I'm sure Assad will one day join that scumbag behind bars once the evidence against him has been presented in court.

A Bridge too far

Manchester United left Stamford Bridge empty-handed this morning after Samuel Eto'o's hat-trick had put Chelsea three goals ahead just four minutes into the second half. Substitute Javier Hernandez pulled one back with 12 minutes remaining, but a bad day for United was complete when, as well as receiving three of the four yellow cards shown, captain Nemanja Vidic was shown a straight red card late on following a lunge on Eden Hazard. The Reds dominated the opening passages of play and could have been ahead when Ashley Young, playing on the left after a spell out with injury, forced goalkeeper Petr Cech into a low save. But United were unlucky in conceding the first goal, when Eto'o eluded Phil Jones to cut in from the right and shot goalwards, the ball hitting Michael Carrick's foot to loop up and over the stranded David De Gea. This is why David Moyes needs to get it together. There is no way under the current management that Man United will bounce back from their current position to win this season's Premiership.

Rough is the new smooth

Smooth is not always better when it comes to reducing drag, researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles contend in their new study published in Physics of Fluids. "A properly designed rough surface, contrary to our intuition, can reduce skin-friction drag," said John Kim, a professor in the mechanical and aerospace engineering department at UCLA. Kim teamed up with his colleagues to model the flow of fluids between two surfaces with tiny ridges, finding that even in turbulent conditions, the rough surfaces decreased drag created by the friction of flowing water. But speaking of water, the area around Charleston, West Virginia, has been brought to its knees by contaminated drinking water. Thousands of gallons of an industrial chemical used for treating coal, MCHM, leaked last week from a company’s steel tank, flowed down the bank and into the Elk River, located just a mile upriver from the intake point for the region’s drinking water treatment plant. Residents quickly noticed the licorice smell and a few hours later were officially warned not to drink or cook, wash, or bathe with the water. A state of emergency was declared in nine counties. Schools, hospitals, restaurants, hotels, and more closed. About 300,000 residents were affected. This is disgusting. You can't just pour industrial waste into the water supply because people will get sick from drinking it. It's bad enough that there's no clean drinking water in much of Africa, so don't spread that problem to the rest of the world.

New drug combo in town

Ohio inmate Dennis McGuire appeared to gasp and convulse for roughly 10 minutes before he died on Thursday by lethal injection using a new combination of drugs, reporters who witnessed it said. McGuire was convicted in 1994 of the rape and murder of 22-year-old Joy Stewart, who was seven months pregnant. Her relatives were at Southern Ohio Correctional Facility in Lucasville to witness his death, according to tweets from television reporter Sheila Gray. Columbus Dispatch reporter Alan Johnson said that the whole execution process took 24 minutes, and that McGuire appeared to be gasping for air for 10 to 13 minutes. "He gasped deeply. It was kind of a rattling, guttural sound. There was kind of a snorting through his nose. A couple of times, he definitely appeared to be choking," Johnson was quoted as saying. The convicted murderer was pronounced dead at 10:53 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. The execution generated controversy because, like many states, Ohio has been forced to find new drug protocols after European-based manufacturers banned US prisons from using their drugs in executions - among them, Danish-based Lundbeck, which manufactures pentobarbital. According to Ohio's corrections department, the state used a combination of the drugs midazolam, a sedative; and the painkiller hydromorphone. It may have taken them 20 years to dispense with McGuire, but at least that scumbag is finally somewhere where he won't be able to rape or murder any more pregnant women. Enough about that new turning-point in execution history now because a Chinese mother, desperate for her son to come home for the upcoming Lunar New Year, has placed a full page ad in a newspaper in Australia, saying she won't pressure him to get married anymore. The ad, which appeared on the front page of the Chinese Melbourne Daily on Tuesday, would cost $2,796.80 Australian dollars (almost NZ$3000), according to its advertising rate card. "Dear Peng, I've called you many times but you don't pick up, maybe you will see this," the anonymous mother wrote, according to a copy of the ad provided to CNN by the newspaper. "Dad and mom won't ever force you to get married anymore, come home for Chinese New Year! From your mom who loves you." Every year around this time, many Chinese prepare to head home for China's most important festival. But many of the younger generation dread facing family confrontations about their love life. There is a way around that for those who can't handle the pressure of nagging parents - you can rent a boyfriend for the day through China's online shopping giant, Taobao.com. Rental counterfeit boyfriends come with services such as meeting the parents, shopping, and watching movies. One customer left a satisfied review for her purchase. "He was very nice and humorous. He knows how to cook and offers to carry things when shopping. Dad and mom are very happy," the anonymous reviewer wrote. But for those prepared to go into battle with their family over the potentially thorny issue, an Indian state-run gunmaker has introduced a light-weight gun named after an Indian gang rape victim. The .32-calibre revolver, made of titanium alloy, has been called a "valuable contribution to women's security." The 500-gram firearm is called Nirbheek, meaning fearless in Hindi. The name was "inspired by Nirbhaya," said Abdul Hamied, the general manager of the Indian Ordnance Field Gun Factory. Nirbhaya is the name given by the Indian media to the 23-year-old woman who was raped and beaten by several men aboard a public bus on December 16, 2012. She later died. The brutal attack provoked outrage across India and led to calls for improved safety and treatment of women.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Philomena

Based on a powerful true story and led by note-perfect performances from Judi Dench and Steve Coogan, Philomena offers a profoundly affecting drama for adult filmgoers of all ages. OK so Steve Coogan wasn't as funny in that movie as his signature character Alan Partridge, but it was still worth watching. It clearly deserves the positive reviews it has so far received - on Rotten Tomatoes, the film has a score of 92% based on reviews from 164 critics, and at Metacritic, which assigns a weighted average score out of 100 to reviews from mainstream critics, the film received an average score of 76 based on 41 reviews. This is clearly one you guys need to see.

Back in Sight

Surgeons in Oxford have used a gene therapy technique to improve the vision of six patients who would otherwise have gone blind. The operation involved inserting a gene into the eye cells, a treatment that revived light-detecting cells. The doctors involved believe that the treatment could in time be used to treat common forms of blindness. Prof Robert MacLaren, the surgeon who led the research, said he was "absolutely delighted" at the outcome, and that "we really couldn't have asked for a better result." Neither could I. Case in point - Jonathan Wyatt, who was 63 when the trial started two years ago. He has a genetic condition known as choroideremia, which results in the light-detecting cells at the back of the eye gradually dying, and thanks to the therapy, is now able to read three lines further down in an optician's sight chart. Mr Wyatt was still just about able to see when he had the operation. His hope was that the procedure would stop further deterioration and save what little sight he had left. But he, like another patient in Professor MacLaren's trial, found that not only did the operation stabilise his vision - it improved it. The other subjects, who were at earlier stages in their vision, experienced improvements in their ability to see at night. Now that he can see properly again, he can see when this has happened - you hand over the iPhone or iPad to a child while waiting in the doctor's office, standing in line at Starbucks, or sitting in the car for a long road trip with the family. The youngster is playing a game on a fun mobile app and then hands you the phone saying he needs your password. Next thing you know, there's a charge on your credit card from Apple. Too often, parents were caught unaware that by entering their password they were authorizing purchases — of virtual pet treats, coins, or perhaps a way to advance to the game's next level, the Federal Trade Commission said in announcing that Apple Inc. had agreed to refund at least US$32.5 million in such charges to unsuspecting parents. As part of the settlement, the FTC said Apple also must change its billing practices to make it more obvious that an actual purchase is taking place during the course of the game or app. Apple CEO Tim Cook said the Cupertino-based company relented to the FTC because the consent decree "does not require us to do anything we weren't already going to do, so we decided to accept it rather than take on a long and distracting legal fight." But a fight did go down last night (Mountain Standard Time) in Phoenix, Arizona during an NBA game between the Lakers and the Suns. Struggling Suns rookie Alex Len made his name known in the game, but not in a good way. As Lakers guard Nick Young was on his way to the basket and going in for a layup, Len committed a hard foul that floored Young:

Young took exception, and came up from the ground throwing punches at anyone in a white jersey:

The result? Both Young and Len were ejected - Young for throwing a punch at Goran Dragic, and Len for a flagrant-2 (disqualifying) foul. So think before you cause mayhem on the court.

Them at the tennis, pass out with heat stroke, feelin' hot hot hot!

Before I start, today is the 40th anniversary of the premiere of the sitcom Happy Days. Happy Days originated during a time of 1950s nostalgic interest as evident in 1970s film, television, and music. Beginning as an unsold pilot filmed in late 1971 called New Family in Town, Paramount passed on making it into a weekly series, and the pilot was recycled with the title Love and the Happy Days, for presentation on the television anthology series Love, American Style. In 1972, George Lucas asked to view the pilot to determine if Ron Howard would be suitable to play a teenager in American Graffiti, then in preproduction. Lucas immediately cast Howard in the film, which became one of the top-grossing films of 1973. Show creator Garry Marshall and ABC recast the unsold pilot to turn Happy Days into a series. According to Marshall in an interview, executive producer Tom Miller said while developing the sitcom, "If we do a TV series that takes place in another era, and when it goes into reruns, then it won't look old." This made sense to Marshall while on the set of the show. Happy Days premiered on January 15, 1974 in the Tuesday night time slot that had been occupied by Temperatures Rising, which had been put on hiatus for a second retooling. During the show's 10 and a half year run, Happy Days spawned the hit television shows Laverne & Shirley (ran from 1976-83) and Mork & Mindy (ran from 1978-82), the latter of which was retooled after each season only to continue a steady decline in ratings which started at the beginning of its second season with a temporary move to a Sunday night timeslot. In other TV-related news, today is also the 33rd anniversary of the premiere of cop show Hill Street Blues. But back to today: if it's hot on court - temperatures of 42.2 Celsius were recorded yesterday - at the Australia Open, the mercury is also rising for tournament officials at Melbourne Park. Canadian Frank Dancevic fainted during his match with Frenchman Benoit Paire, before he got really hot under the collar over the conditions players had to contend with at the first tennis grand slam of 2014. "I think it's inhumane, I don't think it's fair to anybody, to the players, to the fans, to the sport, when you see players pulling out of matches, passing out," the world No. 122 told reporters. "I've played five set matches all my life and being out there for a set and a half and passing out with heat-stroke, it's not normal. Having players with so many problems and complaining to the tournament that it's too hot to play, until somebody dies, they're just keep going on with it and putting matches on in this heat. I personally don't think it's fair and I know a lot of players don't think it's fair." It wasn't just players who succumbed to the elements. One of the ball boys fainted during 11th seed Milos Raonic's four-set defeat of Spain's Daniel Gimeno-Traver. And in the women's draw, Denmark's Caroline Wozniacki claimed the weather caused her drinks bottle to melt on court while second seed Victoria Azarenka described playing at the Rod Laver Arena as like "dancing in a frying pan." Seriously, nobody should be playing sport in that sort of heat. If the 2022 World Cup in Qatar has had to undergo major contortions so that the tournament isn't played in 50-degree heat, then surely the Australian Open can be moved to a cooler part of the year, and if it clashes with footy season, then so be it.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Banning true love

Before I start, today is the tenth anniversary of the suspension of shock website Goatse.cx ("goat sex" as the domain intends). Its front page featured a picture, entitled hello.jpg, showing a naked man stretching his anus with both hands, to approximately the width of his fist. The inside of his rectum is also clearly visible. Below his gaping anus, his dangling penis and scrotum are visible, as well as a golden ring on the ring finger of his left hand. This site became a notorious surprise image and Internet meme, and was — and, through external hosting, still is — used regularly for bait-and-switch pranks, preventing hot-linking in a hostile manner, and defacing websites, in order to provoke extreme reactions. On January 14, 2004, the domain name goatse.cx was suspended by Christmas Island Internet Administration for Acceptable Use Policy violations in response to a complaint, but many mirrors of the site are still available, remaining on display on many other websites. Christmas Island (an Australian dependency in the Indian Ocean) resident Rhonda Clarke was the one who filed the complaint that resulted in the suspension of Goatse.cx's domain name. For obvious reasons, I will not be posting the not-safe-for-work image here, but if you want to see what all the fuss is about, click here. Now that that ugly business is out of the way, I have something way uglier to complain about: Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan has signed into law a ban on same-sex marriage in Africa's most populous nation, a terrible decision which U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry slammed yesterday. "Beyond even prohibiting same-sex marriage, this law dangerously restricts freedom of assembly, association, and expression for all Nigerians," he said in a statement. "People everywhere deserve to live in freedom and equality. No one should face violence or discrimination for who they are or who they love." Samantha Power, U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, characterized the law as a "big setback for human rights for all Nigerians." Homosexuality is illegal in most African nations based on remnants of sodomy laws introduced during the British colonial era and perpetuated by cultural beliefs. Punishments across the continent range from fines to years in prison, just for something a person can't choose. That does not seem right. Speaking of not right, two people were shot at a movie theater in Wesley Chapel near Tampa, Florida, in an incident that occurred almost 18 months after James Holmes shot at dozens of moviegoers in Colorado during a screening of The Dark Knight Rises. The shooter was identified as 71-year-old Curtis Reeves, a retired Tampa police officer. He has been arrested on a charge of second-degree homicide. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Chad and Nicole Oulson got into an argument with Reeves and his wife, who were sitting behind them during previews for the 1:20 p.m. showing of the war movie Lone Survivor. The argument began when Reeves became upset about noise the couple was making while texting on a cell phone. Reeves asked Oulson to stop several times, and that at one point he got up and left the theater, then returned to his seat. Oulson then asked if Reeves had reported him to theater management for using his phone, and the two men began to argue. At some point, Reeves shot Oulson in the chest. His wife Nichole put her hand up to her husband's chest as Reeves shot him, trying to stop the bullet.

Big report could lead to big trouble for British military

A devastating 250-page dossier has been presented to the International Criminal Court, detailing allegations of beatings, electrocution, mock executions, and sexual assault; and could result in some of Britain's leading defence figures facing prosecution for "systematic" war crimes. General Sir Peter Wall, the head of the British Army; former defence secretary Geoff Hoon; and former defence minister Adam Ingram are among those named in the report, entitled "The Responsibility of UK Officials for War Crimes Involving Systematic Detainee Abuse in Iraq from 2003-2008". The damning dossier draws on cases of more than 400 Iraqis, representing "thousands of allegations of mistreatment amounting to war crimes of torture or cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment". They range from "hooding" prisoners to burning, electric shocks, threats to kill, and "cultural and religious humiliation". Other forms of alleged abuse include sexual assault, mock executions, and threats of rape, death, and torture. And because of this, senior UK military and political figures could end up in the dock as 400 victims denounce this systemic use of torture and cruelty. The formal complaint to the ICC, lodged yesterday, is the cumulation of several years' work by Public Interest Lawyers (PIL) and the European Centre for Constitutional and Human Rights (ECCHR). It calls for an investigation into the alleged war crimes, under Article 15 of the Rome Statute. The dossier is the most detailed ever submitted to the ICC's Office of the Prosecutor on war crimes allegedly committed by British forces in Iraq. The court has already acknowledged that there was little doubt that war crimes were committed, with one prisoner's experience summed up like so: "The soldier put his boot on my chest and pulled my trousers down.... I was shouting and was curled up against the wall. Then the soldier pulled me by my legs away from the wall. He turned me over on my stomach. He started rubbing his penis on my back, while the other soldiers watched. Then I felt him ejaculate on my back. I was trying to move away but another soldier came and pressed his foot on my legs." That is just wrong. Why would soldiers, the very people who are supposed to be the heroes in all this, do that? This sort of rubbish is totally unnecessary, and so is this: Nikita Guryanov, a high-school student in Moscow, has been dubbed a “propagandist”. But what is the hateful doctrine that he is spreading? He summed it up best in his YouTube show: “No matter who you are – gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender – you are a human being,” he said. “You are an individual. You are who you are. You should not be scared. You should not be shy.” In Vladimir Putin’s Russia, the broadcast of this teen’s show is effectively a crime. The country’s controversial “homosexual propaganda” legislation, banning the promotion of “non-traditional sexual relations” among minors, is broad. It means that among other things, teachers cannot tell their students that gay and straight relationships are equal, parents cannot tell their children being LGBT is normal, and people cannot distribute pamphlets promoting gay rights.

Reds bounce back from loss after loss after loss

Manchester United returned to winning ways this morning and avenged last weekend’s FA Cup third round defeat to Swansea City after goals from Antonio Valencia and Danny Welbeck sealed an important 2-0 victory at Old Trafford. David Moyes was pleased with the win over Swansea: “I thought we played well. We limited them to very few opportunities and got the result we deserved.” Of course they played well. The Reds were in fact exceptional compared to certain other matches that Moyes has presided over, and to cap it all off, Swansea's men received both of the yellow cards dished out over the course of the 90 minutes.

$wit¢h your ¢ell to u$ for ¢old hard ¢a$h

For the first time, half of the members of the US Congress are millionaires, according to a wealth analysis. At least 268 of the 534 politicians in the Senate and House of Representatives had a net worth of US$1m or more in 2012. Democrats were slightly wealthier than Republicans, found the data from the Center for Responsive Politics (CRP) at OpenSecrets.org. It comes as politicians debate national jobless benefits and the minimum wage, but enough about that because T-Mobile landed a one-two punch on Wednesday, revealing killer 2013 subscriber numbers and making a new US$650 offer to poach competitors' customers. The company added 4.4 million customers in 2013 - its biggest growth in eight years. The company says it's proof its "uncarrier" strategy, aimed to upend the mobile industry, is working after only 8 months. In the fourth quarter alone T-Mobile added 1.6 million new subscribers, bringing its total customer base to nearly 47 million people. T-Mobile shares temporarily stopped trading after the company made the surprise announcement. The company intends to release full details of its earnings late next month. "We will become famous for this in 2014," CEO John Legere told reporters at this year's Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. "We're going to force the industry to change. I want every customer to have a complete choice. It's going to be a healthier industry." Just you wait, T-Mobile. I'm sure a rival carrier will be ready to shell out more than just US$650 to bring more cell subscribers onto their team, and from there, the bribes will get higher and higher until one well-meaning carrier plunges into the red from spending all of their capital on a desperate attempt to add to their customer base. Charles Darwin wrote about this sort of thing - it's called survival of the fittest, and only those that know what they're doing, and don't get too carried away with how much they spend on new customers, will survive this new development.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Seriously people, this is one of the best movies you will see in 2014 (if you haven't done so already). Though his leading man status has gone from encouragingly superb to incorrigibly bland, Ben Stiller’s succinct filmography as a director carries a more respectable reputation. Putting himself once again in front of and behind the camera, this modern take on the 1947 daydreamer comedy is a totally fine, but heavily flawed, Stiller-helmed staple. Despite the negative talk surrounding this movie, it really is worth every cent of the ticket price, so if you haven't yet seen it, you really are missing out.

1400 POSTS!

Jérôme Valcke, the Fifa secretary general, has given the clearest signal yet that the tournament, which will be held in Qatar, will be moved to November 2022, amid a day of farcical mixed messages from world football's governing body. Valcke, who is supposed to be leading an ongoing consultation over whether the tournament should move from June when temperatures can hit 50˚C, told a French radio station the tournament was likely to be held between 15 November 2022 and 15 January 2023. Valcke suggested it will be "like a warm spring in Europe" with "an average temperature of 25˚C, therefore it's perfect for football". The Premier League and other European leagues are concerned about the ramifications for their media deals, player contracts, and schedules; while US broadcasters are unhappy about a potential clash with the NFL season, of which 2022 will be the last under the current broadcasting contracts. The International Olympic Committee has already made it clear that the tournament should not clash with the 2022 Winter Olympics, despite the Uefa president, Michel Platini, favouring January because it does not clash with the Champions League group stages. I hope they eventually sort it out so good times can be had by all, unlike when Shia LaBeouf alienated the rest of the cast of the upcoming Brad Pitt movie Fury. LaBeouf reportedly pulled one of his own teeth out, and failed to wash himself during the entire shoot, the better to replicate conditions of life on the frontline during World War II.

New development held up by those stuck in the past

The man behind plans to replace part of a protected Dunedin townscape with a new apartment and retail development says he is still hoping for progress despite years of delays. Luke Dirkzwager, of Prista Apartments in Christchurch, was granted permission in 2010 to demolish the buildings at 372-392 Princes St and 11 Stafford St. That came only after his consent application in 2008 triggered two years of hearings, petitions, public meetings, and heated opposition, before the council's hearings committee decided to grant consent. However, the fate of the buildings has hung in the balance ever since, after the New Zealand Historic Places Trust appealed to the Environment Court and other parties joined in. An Environment Court hearing had been scheduled for the middle of last year, but was delayed until later in the year, and then again to an unconfirmed date later this year. Seriously, NZHPT needs to get a life. Just because "they are among the very oldest in the city" doesn't automatically mean they are worth keeping. The buildings in question have little or zero historical value. They are not only an eye sore on the cityscape of Dunedin, but are dangerous, and they will almost certainly be the cause of injury or death to anyone walking past them when they decide to crumble, be it due to old age, an earthquake, or poor maintenances. Case in point: this type of concrete facade was responsible for numerous deaths in the Christchurch earthquakes. They are crappy old buildings, and we should be grateful that a person like Mr Dirkzwager is prepared to undertake a redevelopment of this area of Dunedin. Good on him. This type of development needs to be encouraged if we want Dunedin to grow. NZHPT stands in the way of progress in this city and they do not speak for all of us.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Being a Manchester United fan in 2014

It looked like Manchester United was in the midst of a familiar charge after it beat Norwich in their last game of 2013 for a sixth straight win. But the momentum was snapped by Tottenham Hotspur to begin 2014 and the Red Devils suffered their second consecutive defeat at Old Trafford when they were beaten by a modest Swansea 2-1 on Sunday afternoon (Greenwich Mean Time) in the third round of the FA Cup. A late red card brandished to Fabio proved costly. Swansea had never won at the Theatre of Dreams in 10 previous visits and only returned to the top flight of English football three years ago following a near 30-year absence. United manager David Moyes didn't exactly field the reserves, either, although Wayne Rooney wasn't in the squad as he continues to nurse a groin injury and Robin van Persie remained sidelined. "When you lose games at any club, it's difficult," Moyes told BT Sport. "We've got a big game on Tuesday and we'll get the team ready for that. We were a bit unlucky to lose. We had some opportunities, not enough, and we were down to 10 men." Luck has nothing to do with it. The real problem is that Moyes can't handle United. He is not the kind of manager you should trust. He is a learner, and you can't believe in a learner. Why did Sir Alex, after having known that crucial piece of advice for at least the last 27 years, turn his back on his fans by letting that bellend Moyes take the reins? Why couldn’t he have cloned himself so we could have one Sir Alex sitting around on his fortune and another out there keeping the Reds at the top of the table? All you Moyes fans need to swallow your pride and push for his termination. Real Madrid, Barça, Chelsea, Man City, Napoli, Paris Saint-Germain, Bayern Munich – they all changed managers over the summer break but suffered no crisis. Simply put, Moyes is the wrong one for the United job. We’re not glory hunters, but not being a glory hunter doesn't mean you don't want United to win trophies and still be the best and the largest. If you stick with Moyes for ten, twenty, even 100 years, he won't win anything. He lacks the tactics and the courage, and United’s players are easily getting injured because they are already bored with his managing style. The players want Moyes to be sacked and the bellends dumb enough to stick by him are resisting it. Please swallow your pride and say the truth – he is not capable.

When they come home again to whales

Before I start with tonight's post, I now have enough information to clarify part of last night's post - more specifically, the part where a Facebook user complained about suspected theft from donation boxes at a McDonald's in the lower North Island. McDonald's have responded to Jessica Hemi's complaint, and it turns out that cash handling protocol and security (plus the fact that the boxes aren't bottomless) means that large amounts of cash for Ronald McDonald House Charities are not always stored in the boxes. Donations are consolidated so that one big donation is made to RMHC every month. Last year, McDonald’s restaurants in New Zealand donated just under NZ$1million to RMHC. If you contributed to that total, keep up the good work. Now for something not so good - the resumption of so-called "scientific" whaling in the Southern Ocean has been condemned by Foreign Affairs Minister Murray McCully. Anti-whaling group Sea Shepherd said it was pursuing the Japanese fleet after finding all five of its vessels in the Southern Ocean, along with evidence of whale kills. The Sea Shepherd fleet - comprising the Steve Irwin, the Bob Barker, and the Sam Simon - was now trailing the Japanese ships in a bid to disrupt or shut down their whale-killing operations.The Steve Irwin's helicopter first spotted the Japanese vessel, Nisshin Maru, in what the organisation said was New Zealand's sovereign waters in the Ross Dependency Antarctic region and inside the internationally recognised Southern Ocean Whale Sanctuary. The Sea Shepherd group said it had footage of three dead protected minke whales on the deck of the Nisshin Maru, taken when the factory ship was first found. A fourth whale, also believed to be a minke, was being butchered on the deck. That is not cool. Whales are an endangered species and we can't just make up some stupid excuse to wipe every last one off our planet. Commercial whaling belongs in centuries past and should NOT be allowed to continue in 2014, and neither should Downton Abbey. Thankfully, Julian Fellowes, the creator of Downton Abbey, gives his clearest hints yet that the show will end after one more series. It is Downton Abbey’s biggest cliffhanger, but for once, it does not involve any of its long litany of characters. Instead, it concerns the future of the programme itself. In an interview, Fellowes admitted there was no way he could continue to write the show’s storylines at the same time as working on his next major project – to create what has been described as an American version of the series. The Gilded Age, to be set in New York in the late 19th century, has been commissioned by the US network, NBC Universal, but its production is being held up by Fellowes’s continuing commitment to Downton, which is due to return for a fifth series later this year. But seriously, don't watch The Gilded Age should it ever come to fruition. It won't be worth it.

The spirit of the red, yellow, and green

Before I start my daily rant, I have a more pressing matter to discuss. Today, I read a Facebook post (click here and look for a post from a Jessica Hemi) about the manager of the McDonald's in Dannevirke allegedly taking all the money out of a Ronald McDonald House donation box and emptying it into the till, putting the box back empty. That is stealing and the victims here are the sick children and their families who need the services that Ronald McDonald House Charities provides. So if you're in the area, then do NOT come anywhere near that unethical scrooge, even if it means having to drive all the way to Palmerston North just for a Big Mac. Enough about that now, because in an office run from his Massachusetts home, William Downing is part of a burgeoning national pro-pot movement emboldened by the approval of recreational marijuana laws in Colorado and Washington. "I'm a believer, as The Monkees said," Downing said, a reference to a pop-rock band from an era when the thought of marijuana legalization was all but unimaginable. "The essence of what's happening is that people are getting educated," Downing said. "People are learning. The rest of the nation is finding out that they have been lied to about cannabis by their government for many decades." So it's only fitting that Downing and others are pushing for full legalization of recreational marijuana in Massachusetts by making the case to state voters during a proposed 2016 ballot initiative. But until then, if you want to try legal recreational weed, you'll have to go to Uruguay, Colorado, or Washington. Bring it back home with you at your own risk.

Racing great spends 45th in not-so-great a state

Michael Schumacher's friends and family took turns by his hospital bed last night (Central European Time), as fans rallied outside the hospital to support the critically injured Formula One great on his 45th birthday. Schumacher has been in a medically induced coma since last weekend, when he fell while skiing and struck his head on a rock. His manager, Sabine Kehm, says that his condition remains stable but critical. The German driver and his family typically celebrate Christmas, New Year, and his birthday at their ski house in the French resort of Meribel, where the accident happened. Instead, they have been keeping watch over the retired champion at his bedside in a Grenoble hospital, all because he made the stupid mistake of skiing on unmarked slopes. And speaking of stupid mistakes, another outbreak of extreme weather that can be blamed on global warming is coming America's way. In a few days, people in the Midwest and Northern Plains will have reason to be jealous of what their countrymen in the Northeast are going through now - digging out from as much as 2 feet of snow, dealing with the effect of blizzard-level winds, and feeling the heat of below-zero (and I mean below zero Fahrenheit) temperatures. Because as cold as it is now, it's practically tropical compared to what's coming. Think lows in the -20s Fahrenheit across North Dakota and Minnesota, with wind chills of -50 or even more frigid, according to the National Weather Service. Tomorrow night (Central Standard Time) in Chicago will be a brisk minus 16 to 20, or 35 below to 45 below zero if you factor in the Windy City's wind. Those at Lambeau Field for the Green Bay Packers vs. San Francisco 49ers NFL game may cheer against overtime, given that the wind chill may dip to 50 below in Wisconsin that night. As the weather service's Twin Cities, Minnesota, division warns, "Exposed flesh can freeze in as little as five minutes with wind chills colder than 50 below." Just remember that this freak weather is the fault of polluters big and small. Global warming, despite its name, can actually cause weather events endemic to both temperature extremes. So think before you drive that fuel-inefficient car or burn that pile of rubbish or whatever - future generations are already paying for your poor decision-making.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: August: Osage County

This is a new feature we are adding to the blog. Every Friday, we will have the Friday Film Beat - a movie review which takes in the best of the big screen in 2014 (and hopefully beyond). This week, it's August: Osage County. This movie is one you need to see if you haven't already done so. The plot may at times be as hard to understand as that of Inception, but there's a reasonably good choice of casting, with one caveat: Meryl Streep probably wasn't the best fit for the role of Violet Weston - they should've picked somebody who a) actually has talent, b) was born in Detroit on 18 October 1951 to parents named Thelma and Eugene, and c) looks like the woman in the photo below:

Champions fall behind the Spurs

Manchester United slipped to a fourth home defeat of the season this morning to fall behind Tottenham in the Barclays Premier League table. Emmanuel Adebayor and Christian Eriksen did the damage at Old Trafford in a 2-1 reverse despite Danny Welbeck giving David Moyes' side hope seconds after the visitors had doubled their lead in the 66th minute of a game that also saw three players receive yellow cards. But one goal isn't going to be enough to save every game, and the sooner David Moyes realises that, the better.

New year starts with the chop

We have my niece's first birthday, the Sochi Winter Olympics, the World Cup, and the 100th anniversary of the first ever teenage selfie (pictured) coming later this year, but we begin 2014 with a Chinese farmer who sawed off his diseased leg because he could not afford hospital treatment bills; this has shone a spotlight on gaps in the People's Republic's health care system. Zheng Yanliang, who is from Hebei province in north China, developed an infection in his leg roughly two years ago and the blood circulation to it began to fail. That made the problem worse and gangrene set in. By the time he went to the doctor, Mr Zheng was told he would need an operation and could lose his leg. It was then that Mr Zheng realised he was in big trouble. "I asked how much it would cost to do this operation," he said. "The doctor said an operation on one leg would cost more than 300,000 yuan and it would cost more than a million yuan if I had operations on both legs. I can't afford it. I only had 20,000 yuan." Without enough money to pay for treatment or surgery, Mr Zheng felt he had no choice but to return to his home in Dongzang village in Qingyuan county, where he endured months of extreme pain. "I lay in bed for more than three months. My leg turned black. The skin and the flesh were all black," he said. "There were maggots in the flesh. I could see the bone in my right leg. I felt sick when I saw it." Finally, Mr Zheng could not bear to suffer any more and decided to take drastic action. "I told my wife that I would saw it off. She wasn't happy about it. We had an argument and she went out," he said. "I found a hacksaw under the bed and a small knife, and I just sawed it off. It took about 20 minutes. I was sweating like a pig." Mr Zheng remained conscious throughout, biting on a stick wrapped in a towel to try to alleviate the immense pain. The DIY surgery, which Mr Zheng performed in April 2012, has only recently been reported in the Chinese media. It has prompted a debate about the inequalities in China's health care system, especially for low-income families. Many ordinary Chinese people have been so moved by Mr Zheng's story that they have donated more than 300,000 yuan to his cause. He has also been offered free medical treatment - at least for now. But Mr Zheng is worried about the future. I would be too in his situation. But enough about that because research suggests that a daily dose of vitamin E could help people with dementia. A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found people with mild to moderate Alzheimer's disease on high doses of vitamin E had a slower rate of decline than those given a dummy pill. They were able to carry out everyday tasks for longer and needed less help from carers, but the Alzheimer's Society said the dosage was very high and might not be safe.