Bikejacker gets jacked

The Bellend of the Month for March 2016 is Michael Monigold, a thief who tried to steal an army vet's motorcycle during a high speed police chase in Mesa, Arizona. The veteran, 26-year-old Brandon Jenkins, was pulled up at the traffic lights at Southern Avenue and San Jose, when he was attacked by Monigold, who was fleeing from police. Jenkins, who fought in Afghanistan, was able to wrestle the bike back from Monigold who was forced to return to the white van he had been driving empty handed. But as the suspect drove off, he ran over the vet’s Suzuki GSX 600 motorcycle causing irreparable damage. Now the former soldier has been surprised with a brand new bike, worth anywhere between $9,000 and $12,700, after manufacturer Kawasaki heard about his story. Monigold later crashed his truck on the Interstate 10, forcing the Arizona Department of Transportation to close the road. Monigold has been on the run since March 19 when police found him in east Mesa last Thursday. He took off from officers, leading them on a wild chase which ended when he crashed on the I-10 near milepost 171. He was taken to a hospital for serious but none life-threatening injuries, and is expected to be taken into custody once recovered.

For all those who think that their country has stupid laws

In Thailand, you can't stand on or step over money. In Singapore, you can't buy or sell chewing gum. But those are pretty tame compared to this gem: 

THE BIG REVIEW: Defibrillatorgate

Following the removal of a defibrillator at Bunnings' Dunedin store, claims are being made that the company has insisted on the removal of the devices at two other New Zealand outlets. About three years ago, staff at the Dunedin store fundraised to buy a defibrillator after a co-worker died of a heart condition. Last week the company forced the staff to gift the defibrillator to a community group. Radio New Zealand is reporting that the company also insisted on the removal of a defibrillator at its Nelson store about a month ago, and at its Gisborne store before Christmas, citing claims made by First Union. The union's Nelson organiser, Rachel Boyack, said when staff asked why, they were told it was because of maintenance costs, RNZ said. "They've obviously done some sort of cost-benefit analysis on it at a nationwide level and determined that the small cost to replace the battery every year, and ensure staff have the proper training, isn't worth the benefit of having something like this in the store for their workers and for the public," she said. If that is indeed the case, I'd suggest a boycott would be in order. The money lost through people going to the likes of Mitre 10 for their hardware needs will in time add up.

Shaking up the far south

A 4.5 magnitude earthquake was felt as far afield as Dunedin today. The quake occurred about 4.15pm, was 5km deep, and epicentre was 50km northwest of Wanaka. Reports of the quake being felt as far afield as Kingston (on the southern tip of Lake Wakatipu) and Dunedin were reported on geographical hazard information website GeoNet. St John South Island region communications adviser Ian Henderson said there were no reports of injuries, and no calls to its clinical control centre, resulting from the earthquake. People should always make sure they had emergency kits and other items ready in case of any emergency, and to remain in contact with friends and family, and especially any neighbours who may be elderly or alone, Mr Henderson said. But that wasn't the only jolt the people in blue and gold country were in for today: this morning a 4.2 magnitude earthquake struck, centred on the edge of Lake Te Anau. More than 50 people in towns in and around Queenstown reported feeling the quake, which Geonet described as light. As of this afternoon there had been a total of 60 reports of light shaking and 21 reports of weak shaking on Geonet's website. The quake struck at 9.22am and was centred 30km north of Te Anau, at a depth of 60km. There were two reports of light shaking in Dunedin. I'm sure glad I got out of there in time, and no, I do not plan on returning there anytime soon (maybe except for Christmas). And even if I did, Bunnings would definitely be off the list as a woman whose husband died of a heart attack in a Bunnings store has now become the latest critic of the company's stance to not have defibrillators in its stores. Wellington woman Sharron Gilmore, whose husband Peter died of a heart attack aged 62 in Bunnings Naenae in 2005, made the comments after the company's management "put its foot down'' and forced its Dunedin staff to give the store's defibrillator to a community group. Social club members from Bunnings Dunedin raised $1300 to buy the defibrillator about three years ago, after one of their colleagues died from a heart condition, but the company's management has since called for it to be removed. I got news for you greedy pigs sitting up there in corporate: defibrillators could save lives. They could save yours should you ever have a heart attack in a Bunnings store. But if you don't want them and someone dies, the blood will be on nobody's hands but your own.

Easter is upon us all yet again

And for all you noobs out there who think the long weekend is all about chocolate eggs, here's who it's really about - this man died on the cross so everybody could break God's law and still get into heaven.

Paint it, Cuban

It may have only been rock 'n' roll - but Cubans seemed to like it. That's right, the Rolling Stones have become the first major international rock band to play in Cuba, drawing hundreds of thousands of people to a free concert at a decrepit sports complex on the road to the airport. For years, following the Cuban revolution, rock music was banned on Cuban state TV and radio. Cubans who wore long hair and beards faced harassment from officials, including Fidel Castro who told them to dress like men. No more. "Years ago it was difficult to hear our music but here we are," Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger told the crowd in Spanish. "The times are changing." And as most Cubans only earn about US$20 a month, there was no charge to see the show. Perhaps aware that many of the Cubans attending had not heard much of the band's music, the Stones played many of their most familiar classics like "Paint it, Black," "Sympathy for the Devil," and "Brown Sugar." They were joined by a Cuban choir to sing "You Can't Always Get What You Want." But if you try some time, as it has been proven here, you just might find you'll get what you need, which in this case was another step in the right direction. Those already in America can take yet another step by not voting for Trump this November.

Another great legend joins the angels

Let's void the 'droids

At first glance, it’s easy to see why many people are overlooking the significance of Apple’s new iPhone SE. And no, it's not because of what happened in Brussels. It's because the device doesn’t feature a crazy new form factor nor does it offer up any technologies we haven’t seen before. In fact, the iPhone SE by all accounts is simply an iPhone 5 jam-packed with technologies Apple originally introduced on the iPhone 6s six months ago. Nothing special here, right Wrong. The iPhone SE is not only poised to be Apple’s sleeper hit of the season, it’s just the device Apple needs to breathe a bit of life into slowing iPhone sales. Another model of iPhone 4S could also do the trick. But whatever it takes to put Android out of business, Apple should just go ahead and do it.

Supporting Belgium done right

THE BIG REVIEW: An important announcement

Tomorrow, I move house for the first time in almost 13 years. I will be moving to Christchurch to look for work, as the job search in Dunedin has come up dry. I will be staying with a cousin and his wife until I can get a job and then my own place. But they will need time to get the room ready for me, so I will be staying in a backpackers for two weeks. But how does this affect you guys, I hear you ask? Because starting tomorrow, this blog will be called Disseminators of the Truth: The Nightly Ramblings of a Man of Blue and Gold in a Land of Red and Black.

United unites against City

Manchester United closed the gap on rivals Manchester City to just one point after a crucial 1-0 victory at the Etihad Stadium, courtesy of Marcus Rashford's excellent first-half strike. The Manchester-born striker - making his first appearance in this fixture - produced a moment to savour on 16 minutes, showing an incredible turn of pace to burst into the area and slot the ball past Joe Hart. It was a mature piece of centre-forward play, and one which was ultimately enough to ensure the Reds left the Etihad with all three points and their pride. But it's not over yet - they have to win at least six more games to topple Leicester City, and that's if none of the top five score any more points.

#knowyourheroes #heiltrump

 

Post #2200 is for all those who have departed this week

These are serious facts, people

Rodeos to ride on out

Banning rodeos in New Zealand would end the "inherent cruelty" to animals involved in the events, animal welfare advocates say. Animal welfare organisations presented a petition calling for a ban on rodeos in New Zealand to Parliament on Thursday afternoon. SPCA chief executive Ric Odom said the petition, signed by 63,000 Kiwis, sent a message that New Zealanders did not support rodeo events continuing in the country. Neither do I. When you see animals in the chutes that are prodded with electric prodders, or frothing at the mouth, or trying everything they can to get out of that confined place, that's not good. It would not be OK to chase a puppy on a horse, to rope them around the neck, then throw them on the ground and tie them up, so why do we do this to calves? And it would not be OK to get your cat and twist their neck 180 degrees so they fall to the ground, so why do we do this in steer wrestling? And tying a rope tightly around a horse or bull's balls so it will buck - would you do that to a pet? And what about the people that ride the animals then get seriously hurt when they fall off? It just needs to stop.

Four years for being a jackass

A man who pleaded guilty to shooting his friend in a video stunt involving a bulletproof vest has been sentenced to prison. The Baltimore Sun reports that Mark Ramiro was sentenced to four years after pleading guilty to second-degree murder last year. Prosecutors say Ramiro and his friends intended to shoot a "Jackass"-style video stunt in their Baltimore basement in 2014. His friend, Darnell Mitchell, strapped on a bulletproof vest and instructed Ramiro to shoot him in the chest. Ramiro aimed too high, however, and shot Mitchell in the upper chest. Mitchell later died. Ramiro's attorney, Christopher Flohr, had argued that Ramiro should be spared jail and allowed to continue with a treatment program. Ramiro's full sentence was nine years with five years suspended. It serves him right for not heeding the warnings at the start of each episode. Unless, of course, he were to point the gun at Donald Trump.

THE BIG REVIEW: Our generation

It's soccer ball, not soccer bull

A bull has taken to the field at a junior soccer game in Queensland, charging the young players and sending them running for cover. Ryan Devenish was watching his nephew play in Maryborough on the weekend when the bull started charging. He caught the whole thing on camera, and posted the footage to Facebook, saying: "Things got a little interesting... today." Mr Devenish said he first spotted the bull when it emerged from the bush near where he was standing. "It stared at me and actually had a charge at me for about five feet, and then stopped and turned around and went back in the bush," Mr Devenish said. The soccer field at Federation park in Granville is surrounded by paddocks and bushland and it appears the bull found himself on the wrong side of the fence. Mr Devenish said the bull reappeared during the under 15 game. This is why farmers should keep their livestock fenced in so it doesn't bother others. There is a chance that a player could have died or been seriously hurt. It's a soccer game, not a bullfight or a rodeo.

And one more Yogi to start our seventh year

The final Yogi for 2016 goes to Chris Fawcett, who was smarter than the average father after building a realistic homemade speed camera to stop Stonehenge day-trippers hurtling through his village. He took matters into his own hands after more and more motorists began using local roads as a shortcut to the ancient attraction. Residents say the traffic in Shrewton, Wiltshire, got worse when a redesign of the Stonehenge visitors centre in 2013 saw a key road closed and sat navs started to divert drivers through the 30mph village. Mr Fawcett built a dummy camera from wood but it was burnt down by a mystery vandal. And he took the second down after threats of legal action from Wiltshire Council which said it was on their land and threatened him with legal action. But, undeterred, the 50-year-old has now made a tougher, steel box which even contains a video camera. Mr Fawcett has also attached it to a neighbour’s tree in his street so the council will find it harder to object to. And he said the desire to protect his village had made him want to build a better fake camera despite protests from the council – who he says have not done enough to tackle speeding in the village. We need more of those guys on this planet.

We've made it to 6

And on the topic of numbers, the second Yogi Award for 2016 goes to Joseph Rosenfeld, a 15-year-old high school student who was smarter than the average high-schooler. Rosenfeld was visiting Boston's Museum of Science last June when he uncovered a math error in the golden ratio at a 34-year-old exhibit. He was visiting the museum on a recent family trip when he saw something that appeared wrong with the equation for the golden ratio - part of the exhibit, Mathematica. Rosenfeld, a sophomore at Handley High School, noticed minus signs in the equation where there should have been plus signs. If only Trump was that smart.

A dodgy meme for a dodgy trade deal

This blog turns six tomorrow and as usual, we celebrate with three honourable mentions of those who are smarter than the average. The first of those Yogi Awards will go to all opponents of the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement (yes, even Donald Trump - and that could be his one saving grace).

Flagged for change

Some New Zealanders were allegedly voting more than once in the poll on whether to change the national flag, according to the Electoral Commission. One man bragged on Facebook that he had collected almost 300 voting papers from his neighbours and friends and used the papers to vote for a change to the new design. The commission had asked police to investigate at least four people who said on social media that they used or intended to use other people’s ballots. The offence carries up to two years in prison (during which time they will not be eligible to vote in the local body elections later this year or the general election next year) and a fine of up to NZ$40,000. The vote is between the current flag, which features the four stars of the Southern Cross and the British Union Jack on a navy blue background, and a new design featuring a silver fern and no Union Jack, which some see as a throwback to British colonialism. Preliminary results of the vote are expected on March 24, and I actually like the fern better than a colonial design that has even been mistaken for a Confederate flag.

Dedication to the craft like a boss

THE BIG REVIEW: Meldonium

If Maria Sharapova serves a long ban for her use of the prohibited substance meldonium it could be an ignominious end to a sporting fairytale. Sharapova, a former world No.1 and five-time grand slam winner, is in many ways tennis' golden girl. The 28-year-old is sport's richest woman, having earned nearly $US250 million during her career from endorsements, appearances, and royalties, according to Forbes. She earned $US29.5 million in 2015 alone. Brand Sharapova is a marketable force. She is the most followed female athlete on Facebook, with 15 million fans. Off the court Sharapova started her own lolly brand, Sugarpova, in 2012 and wants to develop the company into a lifestyle brand. She currently has endorsement deals with American Express, Avon, Evian, Head, Nike, Porsche, and Tag Heuer. But it could soon go down the toilet just like what happened with Lance Armstrong. This culture of doping will just continue to ruin one sport after another, if a concussion scandal and domestic violence don't get there first like it did the NFL.

Baggies bag a Red one

Manchester United fell to a narrow and unfortunate 1-0 defeat to West Bromwich Albion at The Hawthorns, after playing for over an hour with 10 men following a Juan Mata red card. United were forced to play for 64 minutes a man down after Mata was shown two yellow cards inside two first-half minutes, the first for failing to retreat 10 yards at a Darren Fletcher free-kick and the second for tripping the same man just moments later. Clear-cut chances were few and far between but, despite the Reds defending resiliently, Salomon Rondon grabbed the decisive goal midway through the second half. This is why the Reds are failing. We need Sir Alex back.

Fire OS burns encryption

Encryption is currently a very hot topic in the tech industry, with Apple facing a legal battle with the FBI. The company is being ordered to create a backdoor to infiltrate encryption on an iPhone used by the shooters in the San Bernardino tragedy. Other big names in tech, including Google, Facebook, and Microsoft, have expressed their support for Apple to stand its ground against the FBI, with the company also gaining the former heads of Homeland Security and the National Security Agency as allies. As such, the move by Amazon to remove device encryption for devices powered by its Fire OS 5 comes at a bad time. Amazon released the Fire OS 5 in the fall of last year, and company spokeswoman Robin Handaly said that Amazon decided to remove certain enterprise features with the rollout of the customized Android operating system because customers were not using the said features. The enterprise features that were mentioned included one that allows users to place their whole device under encryption. If the wrong PIN was attempted on the device for 30 times in a row, all the data stored within the Fire OS 5-powered device would be deleted. This is seriously a feature that iOS and Android should consider a version of.

Sanders is the finger licking best right now

Coffee Monster knows best

LVG for the WIN

A late free-kick from Juan Mata gave Manchester United an important victory over Watford in their latest home game. The midfielder - named captain ahead of the game in the absence of Wayne Rooney, Michael Carrick, and Chris Smalling - stepped up to curl home a delightful effort on 83 minutes to settle a hard-fought contest at Old Trafford. Anthony Martial was named in a youthful starting line-up after recovering from a recent hamstring injury, while in-form striker Marcus Rashford retained his place up front. 21-year-old midfielder Joe Rothwell was named among the substitutes, the latest on a long list of youngsters to appear in a first-team squad this season. Louis van Gaal’s men went into the clash on the back of a confidence-boosting victory over Arsenal, but it was the visitors who started on the front foot, looking early to Troy Deeney and Odion Ighalo. It was United, though, who almost took the lead on seven minutes, as Daley Blind’s cross was sliced towards his own goal by Jose Holebas, but Heurelho Gomes was alert to the danger. The Reds also might have scored when Ander Herrera’s deep cross reached an unmarked Martial at the far post, but the Frenchman couldn’t direct his header on target. But that doesn't matter - what matters is the win.

Donut deny it, people!

THE BIG REVIEW: Awesomenessness like nothing before

I made this one through the form on this website. To order, just scan the QR code at the Create Your Taste kiosk at any participating McDonald's in New Zealand. The ingredients are: 2 ¼-lb beef patties, rasher bacon, crispy bacon, a pineapple ring, Parmesan and Swiss cheese, jalapeños, and BBQ sauce, all on a brioche-style bun. It will be the McTastiest McBurger you've ever had.