The Bellend of the Month for March 2017 is Donald Trump, who as you should all know is the orange toddler who has been in charge of America for 70 days as of 12 noon Eastern. It is an important reminder that, even if Trump was able to read a speech without screwing it up, he’s still the same despicable liar, petulant child-man, dictator-wannabe he has always been. We gave Donald Trump a chance and then he:
1. Restarted the Keystone XL and Dakota Access Pipelines.
2. Instituted a federal hiring freeze that blocked 2,000 vital, new positions at the VA, and indefinitely suspended Army childcare programs for vets.
3. Approved a raid in Yemen that killed 30 people including at least 10 civilians, many of whom were women and children, as well as U.S. Navy Seal Ryan Owens.
4. Reinstated and strengthened the global gag rule thereby pulling all world-wide federal funding from any institutions that even attempt to educate patients about abortion.
5. Rescinded federal bathroom protections for trans students.
6. Used the office of the presidency to criticize Nordstrom, a private company, for no longer selling his daughter’s clothing line.
7. Didn’t fully divest from his businesses and has transferred many of his companies to his sons opening the door for a litany of potential conflicts of interest.
8. Didn’t release his tax returns like he promised, and has no plans to do so.
9. Demonized and repeatedly attacked the free press in order to build a propaganda machine.
10. Signed a bill reversing the Stream Protection Rule making it far easier for coal companies to dump mining waste in rivers, lakes, and streams.
11. Announced plans to sign executive orders lifting a coal mining ban on federal land, and lifting or limiting restrictions on greenhouse gas emissions from utility companies.
12. Signed an executive order, later ruled to be unconstitutional, barring immigrants and travelers from 7 Muslim-majority nations from entering the U.S.
13. Lied about inauguration crowd size.
14. Lied about the size of his electoral college victory.
15. Lied about attacks in Sweden, yet never mentioned attacks in Kansas or Quebec perpetrated by white men on people of color.
16. Lied about being solely responsible for Lockheed Martin cutting $700 million from the F-35 program.
17. Lied about the New York Times failing.
18. Lied about Chris Cuomo never asking Senator Blumenthal about misrepresenting his service in Vietnam.
19. Lied about major news organizations intentionally ignoring terrorist attacks.
20. Lied about the murder rate being the highest its been in 47 years.
21. Lied about Philadelphia’s murder rate increasing.
22. Lied about people being killed at Obama’s farewell address.
23. Lied about Obamacare covering “very few people.”
24. Lied about the media being less trusted than congress.
25. Lied about sanctuary cities being hotbeds of crime.
26. Said “Any negative polls are fake news.”
27. Berated the Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull.
28. Threatened to send U.S. troops into Mexico.
29. Used the National Prayer breakfast to throw shade at Arnold Schwarzenegger.
30. Said he would “get rid of and totally destroy” the Johnson amendment, which was designed to keep religion out of politics.
31. Appointed Betsy Devos, a billionaire GOP donor with no public school experience to run our public school system.
32. Appointed fossil-fuel-shill and climate change-denier Scott Pruitt to head the EPA. He’s sued the EPA 13 times.
33. Appointed Jeff Sessions, a man whose racist comments cost him a federal judgeship in 1986, as the attorney general.
34. Appointed Rex Tillerson, a former Exxon CEO with no military or government experience as secretary of state.
35. Appointed Rick Perry, a man with who once forgot the Department of Energy existed, flunked organic chemistry, and received Cs and Ds in other science courses to run the Department of Energy.
36. Appointed Ben Carson, a man with no government, housing or management experience to run the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Two weeks prior to being nominated, Carson’s business manager Armstrong Williams said “Dr. Carson feels he has no government experience, he’s never run a federal agency. The last thing he would want to do was take a position that could cripple the presidency.”
37. Appointed former Goldman Sachs COO Gary Cohn to head the National Economic Council.
38. Appointed former Goldman Sachs partner Steven Mnuchin to head the Treasury Department.
39. Appointed Alt-right hero and former Breitbart Editor Stephen Bannon as chief strategist and later elevated him to the National Security Council.
40. Continued to criticize Hillary Clinton, without ever criticizing Vladimir Putin.
41. Threatened Chicago with martial law.
42. Threatened to take away funding from all sanctuary cities.
43. Announced plans to repeal Dodd-Frank and fiduciary rule.
44. Plans to make major cuts to the EPA while dramatically increasing military spending.
45. Demeaned our court system and questioned a federal judge’s credentials.
46. Continued to push evidence-less claims of voter fraud.
47. Tweeted “I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT” to a court.
48. Cost taxpayers serious money in travel expenses. Estimates by the Washington Post show that his first month in office has cost nearly as much as Obama’s first year.
49. Set his sons out to travel the globe, growing the Trump brand with secret service in tow while taxpayers are footing the bill.
50. Nominated Neil Gorsuch, an originalist, for the open supreme court seat.
51. Hired hateful, loony creationist Jerry Falwell Jr. to lead a higher education task force.
52. Tapped vaccine-skeptic Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to head a commission on vaccine safety.
53. Gave a belligerent 57 minute press conference in which he attacked the media and lied about numerous inconsequential things.
54. Made a statement for Holocaust Remembrance Day and never mentioned Jewish people.
55. Fired acting Attorney General Sally Yates for saying the travel ban was unconstitutional. A few weeks later, the travel ban was ruled unconstitutional in federal court.
56. Supported his newly-appointed Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ decision to rescind Obama-era efforts and build up the private prison system once again.
57. Showed that he shakes people’s hands like a frustrated, socially-awkward baboon.
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