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31 January 2018

Pizza Hate

 
This is 2018's replacement for our long-running Bellend of the Month feature. We call it the Sick Phoque Club. January's induction will go to the Pizza Hut in Hornby. Why? Two words: transphobic staff. When I came in to pick up my order on Saturday, the cashier initially demanded to see a voucher number even though I had already keyed that in when I ordered the pizzas and it should have come up on screen at the same time as the order itself. The mere fact that I had redeemed a GES (Guest Experience Survey) voucher had been enough for them on several previous occasions but now that I'm showing the first outward signs of a gender transition, it suddenly isn't. It was only when I pretended to be on the phone to the police that they coughed up the drink and garlic bread that were part of the order. I should probably stop going there and just start going to the Domino's down the road if they're just going to pull that crap, but there are other Pizza Huts in Christchurch that my money can be just as well spent, even if it does mean having to fake an allergic reaction like I had to in July.

24 January 2018

PS4 gaymers get long-overdue reality check

If you're having trouble on PS4 right now, including playing games, it's not just you. PlayStation Network is suffering from issues right now, Sony has confirmed, although there's no word yet on how soon they will be resolved. Sony's PSN status page lists the Gaming and Social category as experiencing trouble right now. Specifically, it states, "You may have some difficulty launching games, applications, or online features." PlayStation's support account on Twitter also confirmed as much, saying, "We're aware that users are having issues accessing some features on PSN. Thanks for your patience as we investigate." Here's another idea: older consoles did it better. You didn't need to be online or have enough space on your hard drive back in the glory days of Super Mario and Crash Bandicoot - you just had to have a physical copy of the game and the right machine. If you have an old console and some games, you can still do that, but with the gamers in 2018 being who they are, they'll probably just go back to the PS4 when it's back online.

23 January 2018

21 January 2018

Goal burns Burnley

Manchester United secured three points from a tight affair at Burnley, thanks to Anthony Martial's winner, as Jose Mourinho's men maintained our good form in 2018 with another victory and clean sheet. Despite a positive opening, the Reds endured a largely unproductive first half as the opening 45 minutes yielded precious few efforts on goal for either side. Paul Pogba was at the heart of most of anything positive and hooked a volley over the top from an Ashley Young pass when offered a rare sight of Nick Pope's goal. The Clarets looked capable of producing moments of danger from set-pieces with James Tarkowski left worryingly clear to waste a headed chance from a free-kick and Ben Mee also meeting a corner with no real reward. But what really matters as far as racing up the ladder is the points.

19 January 2018

Let's birth this

New Zealand's prime minister Jacinda Ardern has announced that she is expecting her first child in June. Speculation swirled around whether she would start a family soon when she took over the leadership of her then-opposition Labour Party last year. Ardern took to Twitter to announce that she and her partner Clarke Gayford were expecting a child, and that Gayford would become a stay-at-home dad. "We thought 2017 was a big year! This year we'll join the many parents who wear two hats. I'll be PM & a mum while Clarke will be 'first man of fishing' & stay at home dad," she tweeted. She said in a statement that she had asked Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters on Thursday to act as prime minister for six weeks after the birth. "I fully intend to be contactable and available throughout the six-week period when needed," she said. "I will make arrangements for appropriate ministers to act in my other portfolios over the six weeks I am away from Parliament." And after that, she will resume all her prime ministerial duties. But please Jacinda, please don't call the baby Paddles.

16 January 2018

Stokin' it up the ladder

Antonio Valencia, Anthony Martial, and Romelu Lukaku all scored as Manchester United cruised to a comfortable win over relegation-threatened Stoke City at rain-swept Old Trafford. Valencia, who returned to the United line-up after being out since mid-December through injury, gave his side the lead inside ten minutes, when he curled in a shot with his left foot from inside the box. Martial increased the Reds' advantage before half time, with a brilliant strike from outside the box after being picked out by compatriot Paul Pogba. Lukaku later got in on the act, when he fired home to put the Reds firmly out of sight midway through the second half. But one game is of course not going to be enough as far as getting their first Premiership since 2013.

9 January 2018

SOAP star #2 dies

Canadian TV actor Donnelly Rhodes, best known for his roles in ABC comedy Soap and cult hit Battlestar Galactica, has died aged 80. Rhodes, who most recently starred in The Flash and Legends of Tomorrow as Agent Smith, reportedly died of cancer at the Baillie House Hospice in Maple Ridge, British Columbia, according to talent agency Northern Exposure. Widely considered one of Canada’s leading character actors, Rhodes appeared in more than 160 films and TV series over the last 60 years. Born and raised in Winnipeg, Canada, he became an actor after training to be a warden in the National Park Service in Manitoba and joining the Royal Canadian Air Force as an airman-mechanic. The Winnipeg-born actor received numerous awards over the years including a Gemini award for his role as Det. Leo Shannon in Canadian drama Da Vinci’s Inquest in 2002 and a Lifetime Achievement Award in 2006. May Dutch Leitner rest in peace alongside Benson.

5 January 2018

And the title of World's Oldest Baby goes to...

We're not even a week into 2018 and already there's a contender for this year's Biggest Loser - a 21-year-old named George St. George who is in the process of suing comedian Iliza Schlesinger for denying him entry to "Girls Night In" at the Largo in Los Angeles. The November 13 show ran as a one night only benefit for Planned Parenthood, which sounds like exactly the kind of social event that a man like St. George (a serial litigator against women only nights) would be eager to offer his support to. "Girls Night In - No Boys Allowed" was described in promotional material as "a hybrid stand-up show and interactive discussion between Iliza and the women in the audience, aimed at giving women a place to vent in a supportive, fun and inclusive environment. Schlesinger invites women of all walks of life to "come, laugh with her and at her, and be ready to share and feel safe for an awesome night of comedy and love." We can only surmise that St. George has some fairly specific Google alerts in place to allow him to maintain constant vigilance against the encroaching matriarchy and all of its organised benefit concerts, because he purchased two tickets and attempted to gain access with another man. The pair were initially informed they could sit in the back row but were later told that both the theatre and Schlesinger had decided to maintain the women only rule and would be offering a full ticket refund instead. It doesn't take much cynicism to recognise that this is exactly what St. George wanted - the chance to feel vindicated in his manufactured oppression and to try to force some legal consequences for the nasty, mean woman who took one look at him and correctly assessed his motivations for being present that night as less than genuine. He has since engaged the services of attorney Alfred Rava, a fellow man-baby who has filed more than 150 similar complaints against businesses that he claims are in violation of California's Unruh Civil Rights Act 1959, a piece of legislation that specifically outlaws discrimination including that based on sex. According to Rolling Stone, Rava is also a former secretary of the National Coalition for Men, "a non-profit men's rights group that attempts to highlight, among other things, false rape accusations and the 'myth' that men don't do their fare share of the housework." In documents filed, Rava attempts to conflate the experience of St. George and his friend with the violence inflicted on black people in pre civil rights movement America. The two men being denied access to the Largo theatre "can best be described as being akin to the Montgomery City Lines bus company in Montgomery, Alabama circa 1955 morphing into the Woolworth's department store lunch counter in Greensboro, North Carolina in 1960." Yes, really. When you think of the warriors of the civil rights movement, a few names spring to mind. Rosa Parks. Dr Martin Luther King. James Baldwin. Maya Angelou. These names and countless others worked against a system of oppression that was violent, insidious, and upheld at every turn by the structures of power that also ensured their degradation and dehumanisation. What they did not do was suffer so that half a century later an entitled, arrogant little whinepot could invoke their struggle as if it was in any way, shape, or form comparable to the overblown tantrum of a man angry at women for making him feel bad. This is where the men's rights movement is at today. Instead of focusing on some of the genuinely challenging issues facing men such as the high rates of male suicide, drug-dependence, and oppressive expectations of masculinity (all of which are inflicted by the same patriarchy that feminists are trying to dismantle JUST FYI), they're running websites whining about how they actually DO do quite A LOT of housework BY THE WAY and trying to trick women into excluding them just enough that they can launch a lawsuit against them. Women might have to contend with an array of problems like sexual violence, gender inequality in the workplace, bearing the burden of the world's unpaid domestic labour, and being denied access to education and healthcare in regions worldwide, but that pales in comparison to the trials being inflicted on white men in 2018. Not only do they have to endure being gently teased on the internet, but they have to also suffer the indignity of seeing women and minorities be selected for some of the jobs that have traditionally belonged to them. Women are allowed to leave them or even refuse to date them in the first place, and they don't even have to explain why! Can you even imagine what that must feel like? But worst of all, men now have to contend with being excluded from events they would otherwise have no interest in attending because the hypocrisies of feminism is the very hill on which they are not just prepared but determined to die. As the old proverb has it, "Y'all don't know what it's like/Being male, middle class and white". As we enter the Year of Our Patriarchal Lord 2018, never has the reality of white male oppression been more frightening or blatant.

4 January 2018

Reds start 2018 back at winning ways

Anthony Martial and Jesse Lingard ensured Manchester United made the perfect start to 2018 as the duo netted two quite brilliant second-half goals to seal a 2-0 victory over Everton at Goodison Park. Jose Mourinho and his players arrived on Merseyside looking to bring to an end a recent sequence of three drawn Premier League games against Leicester City, Burnley, and Southampton. And the Reds succeeded in the quest to claim an important three points. But there is still a long road to travel for the silverware.