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30 May 2016

They shot the 'rilla, but they didn't shoot the four-year-old

Devastated. Heartbroken. In mourning. Those are some of the words the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden used in a contrite explanation for the death of Harambe, a 17-year-old western lowland gorilla killed on Saturday to save a boy who slipped into the zoo's habitat. The boy was in "imminent danger," leaving the zoo's Dangerous Animal Response Team with no option but to shoot the 450-pound gorilla, zoo director Thane Maynard said in a statement on Facebook. Tranquilizers may not have taken effect in time to save the boy while the dart might have agitated the animal, worsening the situation, Maynard said. "We are heartbroken about losing Harambe, but a child's life was in danger and a quick decision had to be made," he said. The words did little to assuage an angry chorus of critics who believed the gorilla's death was unnecessary. Many blamed the boy's mother for failing to look after her son. Neither the boy nor his family have been identified. And neither was the idiot who didn't build the walls high enough to stop kids from falling in. The fault is at both ends. Parents need to supervise their kids and zoos need to build their enclosures with higher fences.


28 May 2016

Will you Mario me?

You know what they say: Nice guys finish last. But that’s only because they’re busy crafting the perfect proposal for their girlfriends. Case in point: YouTube user Shane Birkinbine. Last weekend, the avid gamer and self-proclaimed "geek" asked his girlfriend, Pam Edwards, to marry him, using Super Mario Maker to spell out the sweet request. "Pam bought me the game for the Nintendo Wii several months ago," the groom-to-be told USA TODAY. "Being busy with life and working, I had not had a chance to create my own level. So, it came to me to make the very first level a marriage proposal. It just seemed to fit as we both enjoy Mario games. So, over the course of a week I would work on it after I got home in the evenings when she was fast asleep." Birkinbine explained that he and Edwards met on Match.com a year and eight months ago. "Her photo and profile was so genuine so after some messaging I asked her out. And here we are!" The video will be uploaded soon.

27 May 2016

Renewable energy has been Trumped

Hours after effectively clinching the Republican presidential nomination, Donald Trump vowed to withdraw the United States from the historic Paris agreement among 195 nations to cut greenhouse gas emissions in an effort to stop global warming. Trump, who has often dismissed the science on climate change as a hoax that threatens American jobs, promised to cut all US spending on United Nations programmes on global warming. Speaking at an oil and gas industry conference in Bismarck, N.D., he laid out an energy agenda that would rely heavily on fossil fuels and rescind Obama administration regulations aimed at addressing climate change. "In a Trump administration, political activists with extreme agendas will no longer write the rules, because that's what's happening now," Trump said. When I think of extreme agendas, his own agenda comes readily to mind. He should be lucky I don't live in America, otherwise that would mean one more vote for Clinton or Sanders. Speaking of which, if Clinton wins the Democratic nomination, 2016 may well be the year of the third party.

24 May 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: Panic at the disco

And no, I don't mean the band. I'm talking about a bunch of pricks who haven't even heard of behaving their goddamn selves. I've got a whole sin to write about them tonight, so let's pour the champagne: a 15-year-old girl who was involved in an altercation at a disco was asked by the organisers to stop bringing attention to the issue for fear of backlash. On Saturday night at the Pro Fresh Blackout Disco in Palmerston North, Katelyn Bird was involved in an altercation, which resulted in her being concussed. The disco is an event held for 14 to 18-year-olds all around the country and is a drug and alcohol-free event. Katelyn said she was pushed to the ground in an altercation at the event. She said security guards did not check she was OK and did not break the altercation up. After contacting event organisers about the issue, Katelyn received messages back that encouraged her not to speak out about what had happened. "Word will spread fast that you are the cause of anything that may come from this," Katelyn was told. I'd speak out anyway, so that some good comes out of it.

23 May 2016

This is what our planet really looks like from outer space

And that's before the populace suffer at the hands of goons going by the names TTIP, TPP, and TiSA.

22 May 2016

And finally LVG wins a trophy for the Reds

Manchester United’s 12-year wait to win the FA Cup is over after Louis van Gaal’s men came from behind to secure a dramatic and exhilarating extra-time victory over Crystal Palace. Jason Puncheon opened the scoring late in the second half, but the Reds mustered a display of fighting spirit and drew level three minutes later through Juan Mata. After Chris Smalling was sent off in extra time, Academy graduate Jesse Lingard hit a stunning winner that will be remembered for years to come. Although it has been a disappointing season in the Barclays Premier League, after finishing fifth and missing out on Champions League qualification, success in the FA Cup has provided genuine cause for celebration among everybody associated with United. Particularly for the fans, who have craved this trophy in the dozen years since the club’s last success in 2004 when Millwall were beaten in Cardiff. It may not be a Premier League title, but it is better than nothing for a manager who could be on his way out.

19 May 2016

No more crap for two months

That's right, people. Michael Buble is out of action for two months. Just as well because his music has been on the way out since before he was born.

18 May 2016

Last game under LVG ends in win

Two days later than planned, Manchester United signed off for the 2015/16 Barclays Premier League season with a comfortable 3-1 victory over Bournemouth at Old Trafford. The Reds knew a point would guarantee entry into the Europa League group stages and avoid a qualifying tie in July, and goals from Wayne Rooney, Marcus Rashford, and Ashley Young ensured it was mission accomplished in that sense. Of course, this match should have been played 48 hours earlier after Sunday’s security alert had forced the initial fixture's abandonment and that had an impact on the crowd inside Old Trafford with not everyone who was here on Sunday able to make the rearranged meeting. It was the same XI for United that was due to start the original match though, with Marcos Rojo and Matteo Darmian missing out through injury and illness ruling out Morgan Schneiderlin. Before kick-off, David De Gea was presented with the Sir Matt Busby Player of the Year award but neither the Spaniard or his opposite number Adam Federici had much to do in a quiet opening quarter of the match. But at least they made it into the group stages of the Europa League.

16 May 2016

Top four not happening this year

Manchester United's final Barclays Premier League match of the season will now be played on Tuesday 17 May, when kick-off is set for 8pm BST. This follows the abandonment of the planned fixture due to a suspicious package that was discovered at Old Trafford. Louis van Gaal's men can realistically no longer finish fourth and qualify for the UEFA Champions League after Manchester City's 1-1 draw at Swansea City on Sunday afternoon. The Reds are determined to end the league campaign on a high though, particularly with the FA Cup final to follow at the weekend. A second defeat in the last 12 matches was suffered during West Ham's Upton Park farewell, despite two goals for Anthony Martial. Louis van Gaal's men have only lost twice at home all season (not including the penalty shoot-out defeat to Middlesbrough in the Capital One Cup), while the visitors are 17th in the form table, covering the last six matches, but have won three of their last six games on the road. Even if the Reds can no longer finish in the top four, they still have the FA Cup final next weekend. Loser van Gaal can still win it.

11 May 2016

Reds frustrated in race to the top four

The Champions League qualifying initiative swung away from Manchester United again as Louis van Gaal's side lost 3-2 to West Ham in an incredible last competitive match at Upton Park. The Reds travelled to East London knowing that two wins in the final two league games against the Hammers and Bournemouth would clinch fourth place in the Barclays Premier League. But despite a brilliant double from the in-form Anthony Martial, the Reds were ultimately defeated by strikes from Diafra Sakho, Michail Antonio, and former All White Winston Reid as the hosts turned the game on its head in the final 15 minutes. With one game remaining, United lie two points behind Manchester City and must now hope Swansea City beat the Blues in South Wales while ensuring three home points are collected when Bournemouth visit Old Trafford. Human lives may not depend on it, but a top-four finish does.

10 May 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: Viv

Who is she, I hear you ask? It is the latest creation by Dag Kittlaus and Adam Cheyer, the team who created the artificial intelligence behind Siri, Apple's iconic digital assistant, and one of the first modern apps to capably handle natural language queries on a smartphone. Today the pair showed off Viv, a next generation AI assistant that they have been developing in stealth mode for the last four years. The goal was to create a better version of Siri, one that connected to a multitude of services, instead of routinely shuffling queries off to a basic web search. During a 20-minute demo onstage at Disrupt NYC, Viv flawlessly handled a dozen complex requests, not just in terms of comprehension, but by connecting with third-party merchants to purchase goods and book reservations. Amazing, huh?

8 May 2016

Reds continue push for the top 4

Manchester United applied pressure on neighbours City ahead of the Blues' clash with Arsenal on Sunday thanks to a narrow 1-0 win at Norwich City. Juan Mata scored the only goal of the match to boost the Reds' hopes of qualifying for the Champions League but compounded the Canaries' relegation worries. Despite the importance of the game for both teams, it was the most low key of opening halves with precious few moments of excitement. Perhaps the loss of Anthony Martial in the warm-up, with the injured Frenchman replaced by midfielder Ander Herrera, blunted the Reds' attack and Louis van Gaal's team was further depleted when Matteo Darmian was forced off on a stretcher early on. Daley Blind and Marcus Rashford were already rested for the clash and not included in the squad. But what's important here is the three points.

6 May 2016

Still no PC's in South D

The South Dunedin community is tired of waiting for its community police station to reopen to the public after being closed for 11 months and is demanding answers. The Macandrew Rd building has been closed since floodwaters last June (look at my post dated 3 June 2015 for some photos I took of surface flooding further north) extensively damaged the ground floor. The road policing group relocated to the North Dunedin station but the neighbourhood policing team, Dunedin dog section, and the serious crash unit continued to work from the building. "It [the station] was already diminished as a service for the community ... [but] we could go in there and we could report crimes," Dunedin South MP Clare Curran said. "There's nowhere now. It's deeply concerning that one of our most densely populated communities ... is not getting that police support." In an email response, police said no timeframe had been set for the station to become fully functional again. This is not good enough. There are around 10,000 people living in the wider South Dunedin area - this is a sizeable area that needs an on-the-ground, functioning police station. Community policing is vital. Like the Work and Income building before it - its reopening was confirmed in December after months of uncertainty and campaigning by concerned residents - people need answers on the future of the police station. Even if the area can be policed from the central station on Great King Street for the time being, response times could be affected by the distance the unit has to travel, and residents would have to travel further to report crimes in person. But then again, they already have to go into town for several things anyway - for instance if you want to see a movie, there are only three places in Dunedin and they are for the most part on adjacent blocks near the Octagon. There are more choices in post-quake Christchurch (a grand total of eight within the city's bus network) and they are more spread out, with only one of them in the Four Avenues. Maybe that's something Dunedin could look into.

3 May 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: Sleep

We all need it. It's best to start young, because let's face it - teens need to wake up to the need for more shut-eye. But hold on - waking up to more sleep? It doesn't usually make sense unless Chuck Norris says it does. And you better listen to what he has to say about it because he always carries four weapons of mass destruction - his arms and his legs.

I doubt if it's ever been easy to navigate one's teen years. As an extremely shy kid, it certainly wasn't easy for me. Yet when you throw in the magnifying influence of technology, it's easy to see that today's teens are facing issues of growing up in a way never experienced before. The challenges faced by peer pressure are not new, but add the impact of electronic media and the issue becomes so much larger than life. Is it any wonder that, according to one report, 11 percent of adolescents today have depressive disorder by age 18? Another 30 percent of today's teens have been involved in bullying either as a victim or as the tormenter, according to research conducted by Family First Aid. According to the 2011 National Survey of Children's Health, 31.3 percent of children in the United States between the ages of 10 and 17 are overweight or obese. Of the 20 million new sexually transmitted diseases each year, more than half were transmitted among young people between the ages of 15 and 24 according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention findings. Although the high school dropout rate is decreasing, 1.2 million students still drop out of high school each year in the United States, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. For young people that stick it out, many routinely stay up past midnight on school nights, a lot of them transfixed by new media, only to be faced with getting up at the crack of dawn in order to make it to school before the 8:00 a.m. bell. Now, a new report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has revealed that there are consequences of resulting tiredness we see in young people as a result of this cycle. It's also now becoming clear that this sleep-deprived way of life of today's teenagers is not only dangerous, it could be deadly. The new CDC report reveals an association between lack of sleep and a greater tendency toward riskier behaviors by teens. The study found that when teens get less than seven hours of sleep on school nights, they are more likely to engage in a wide range of risky behaviors. Those behaviors included texting and driving, drinking and driving, riding with a driver who was drinking, and not wearing a seat belt in a car, or a helmet while on a bicycle; such risky behaviors were less likely to be found in teens that sleep nine hours a night, according to the report. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report is not the first one to connect lack of sleep to problems associated with young people. In 2014, the American Academy of Pediatrics made a formal recommendation that school start times be delayed so teens can sleep in, due in part to the evidence that insufficient sleep contributes to behavior and academic troubles and higher obesity risk. In their policy statement, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended that schools start no earlier than 8:30 a.m. so that teens can get the required 8.5 to 9.5 hours of sleep a night. An even earlier study in 2011 found that insufficient sleep for teens (described as less than eight hours on average a night) was associated with cigarette, alcohol, and marijuana use, sexual activity, not getting enough exercise, feeling sad or hopeless, and seriously considering attempting suicide. At the time, nearly 70 percent of teens were not getting enough sleep, the CDC found. You have to wonder, given we have been seeing a link between sleep deprivation and behavioral and health issues with our young people reconfirmed to us over and over again, why haven't we as a society responded? Perhaps the pattern we see in our teens merely reflects prevailing attitudes we have as adults. As a society, we just don't respect sleep. We continue to associate sleep with being lazy, while seeing sleeping as little as possible as not only being productive, but virtuous. Boy, are we mistaken. Getting enough sleep is not only essential; it's a proven third pillar of health. We so often like to think of the difficulty many people have in controlling their weight and eating habits as merely an issue of willpower. There is now increasing evidence that the "lack of willpower" may be explained by chemical and hormonal changes resulting from sleep deficiency, that there is a clear link between obesity and insufficient sleep. According to recent finding published in the journal Sleep, the growth of this country's obesity epidemic over the past 40 years correlates with a progressive decline in the amount of sleep reported by the average adult. The study found that the "lack of willpower" may not be due to personal weakness, but rather a result of an addictive chemical imbalance resulting from sleep loss. In today's technological age, both teens and adults have developed a habit of recharging their phones and laptops before they go to bed at night, while failing to sufficiently recharge their minds and bodies with a good night's sleep. As I reported last October, J.J. Watt, NFL Defensive Player of the Year and one of the best athletes on the planet, had a bed installed in a corner of the Texans' equipment room. Here, Watt and his teammates would steal away during extended breaks during training camp for a little nap time. Watt later revealed to another player that he also makes it a practice to be in bed by nine o'clock at night to ensure a full night's sleep and to provide the recovery time his body needs to remain in top shape. So let's get it out of our heads — sleep is not for wimps. It's a fact: getting a good night's sleep improves memory, learning, and mental health. While, like adults, some teens need more sleep than others, it's currently recommended that adolescents between the ages 14-17 aim for eight to 10 hours each night.
It's been found that most adults need seven to nine hours to function properly. I take no chances, I go for nine. It works for me.

Oh, and Leicester City have won the Premier League. Actually, it was Chuck Norris, but he lets other teams hold the silverware in his place.

2 May 2016

Draw doesn't cut it for either side

Manchester United and Leicester City played out an enthralling 1-1 draw that was punctuated with entertainment, passion, and drama - yet the result was not truly desired by either club. Anthony Martial and Wes Morgan scored first-half goals in the stalemate that mirrors November's meeting at the King Power Stadium, providing a blow to the Reds’ hopes of finishing in the Barclays Premier League top four with just three matches left to play. The Foxes could also have won the title at Old Trafford had they secured a victory, although their champagne remains on ice for the time being. Oh, and Danny Drinkwater was booked a second time in the 87th minute, meaning the Foxes were down to ten at the end.

1 May 2016

Let's start the new month shaken, not stirred

With none other than the Disseminators of the Truth Guide to Making the Perfect Martini:

30 April 2016

The Gay Promotee not promoted

The Bellend of the Month for April 2016 is one of Scotland Yard's top female officers, Commander Christine Jones. 50-year-old Jones, who oversaw the Met's security operation at the 2011 Royal Wedding, is being investigated over claims she discriminated against a senior gay colleague, namely blocking Superintendent Steve Deehan's bid for promotion. The £110,000 a year Jones is alleged to have misrepresented other people's views on 48-year-old Supt Deehan's application for a higher rank. Supt Deehan is openly homosexual and has spoken out in the past over the need for more diversity in the Met. The Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) said it is probing whether Commander Jones' alleged actions were 'aggravated by discrimination'. They clearly were. Anyone can see that.

29 April 2016

Traffic lights on the pavement

That's right, the circles on the ground in the bottom photo are traffic lights so those who text while walking don't get run over.

24 April 2016

Reds make it to FA Cup final

That's right, Manchester United have beaten Everton to secure a spot in the FA Cup final. Just days earlier, they closed the gap on top-four rivals Arsenal and Manchester City with a routine 2-0 win over Crystal Palace, providing a timely morale boost ahead of the game at Wembley. The victory – secured via a Damien Delaney own goal and Matteo Darmian volley – left the Reds just a point behind the Gunners ahead of their game-in-hand against West Bromwich Albion on Thursday, with Manuel Pellegrini’s Blues two points ahead after their draw at Newcastle earlier in the week. I hope LVG can at least win the FA Cup.

22 April 2016

Nothing compares to this as far as bad news goes

Yesterday, the Queen turned 90. But Prince will not reach that milestone for he has become the artist formerly known as alive. May the doves cry purple rain.

20 April 2016

Blazing up some good karma for 4/20

A teenager who found Thor's wallet and returned it has been rewarded with a cool US$10,000 (NZ$14,200). When 17-year-old Tristin Budzyn-Baker found Australian actor Chris Hemsworth's wallet he was more than a little surprised. He could have done many things with the star's wallet, packed with cash and all his personal information, but the boy scout chose to do the right thing. Budzyn-Baker went on to appear with Hemsworth on the Ellen DeGeneres Show to tell how he returned the movie star's wallet. Hemsworth said he had been dining with his family in a "pretty rough area"  of Los Angeles when he lost his wallet. "I left my wallet on the table and thought 'I'm never going to get it back, I'm never going to see it again'," Hemsworth said. The boy scout picked the wallet up and was shocked to learn its owner. "I was like mum, do you know who this is? We found Thor's wallet!" Budzyn-Baker said. "We were speechless. We didn't know what to do." Thor or not, I would have banked all the cash and had a huge online spending spree (has to be online or at a retailer with PayWave because I'm not going to know the PIN) to max out the credit cards, because seriously, I need the money if I'm ever going to get off my cousin's couch and into a decent house.

17 April 2016

Villa stuck at the bottom

Manchester United applied pressure to fourth-placed rivals Manchester City with a 1-0 victory over Aston Villa, courtesy of Marcus Rashford's first-half strike. Louis van Gaal made five changes to the XI that started at West Ham in midweek but the match lacked any real intensity, even if defeat confirmed the Midlanders' inevitable relegation to the Championship. And it's set to get worse - David Moyes is the man Aston Villa want to lead them back to glory after the end of their 28-year run in the top flight was confirmed with the defeat at Manchester United. Following relegation, Moyes has been promised significant funds to take the Midlands club back up at the first attempt having seen the experiments of relatively inexperienced managers Tim Sherwood and Remi Garde backfire dismally. Owner Randy Lerner and his new-look board still have a lot of persuading to do before Moyes decides to make Villa his fifth club after spells with Preston North End, Everton, Manchester United, and Real Sociedad. After what he pulled at Man United, I wouldn't recommend him for a club in the drop zone lest they end up in League One come season's end.

16 April 2016

FBI can't has data

Apple is saying no to the government — again. In a legal filing late Friday, the tech giant argued it should not be compelled to aid federal law enforcement officials who seek to extract data from a confessed meth trafficker's iPhone because they have not exhausted all means to bypass the unit's built-in security code. The company's lawyers also contended that the Department of Justice misinterpreted the All Writs Act, the 1789 statute that government lawyers used as the legal basis for asking a Brooklyn federal court to compel Apple's assistance. Apple filed the legal brief in response to the government's appeal of a March ruling in which Brooklyn Magistrate Judge James Orenstein rejected federal prosecutors' application. "The government has utterly failed to satisfy its burden to demonstrate that Apple’s assistance in this case is necessary," Apple said in the 45-page filing. "The government has made no showing that it has exhausted alternative means for extracting data from the iPhone at issue here." But if they found such a means with Syed Farook's iPhone, I'm sure they can do it again without a messy court battle.

15 April 2016

It's multiplex not multitext

One of the largest cinema chains in the US is considering letting customers use their mobile phones during films. AMC chief executive Adam Aron said he wanted to encourage so-called millennials to visit the cinema. He told Variety magazine: "You can't tell a 22-year-old to turn off their cellphone. That's not how they live their life." But he said he would have to find a solution that did not disturb other movie-goers. I have one: how about just turning the damn phone off? I grew up in a generation of respect for the rules of common decency, and I know to switch my phone off or at least put it in flight mode for just three hours at the most. We pay good money to be able to watch the latest blockbuster without hearing some disrespectful yob sitting a few seats away talking on their phone like a Trump supporter or an ISIS militant.

13 April 2016

So a goat walks into a Starbucks

It sounds like a joke. But it's true. A goat really did walk into a Starbucks. It happened a couple of days ago in Rohnert Park, Calif., when a goat whose name is Millie somehow got away from her home and ambled over to the nearby strip mall. Employees dangled a banana in front of the goat in the hope of apprehending her, but she preferred to chew on a cardboard box, which is a much healthier option than the sugary coffees us humans go to Starbucks for. And a much better Starbucks experience than what happened in yesterday's post.

12 April 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: The Cup Label of Death

As if the red cup thing last Christmas wasn't enough, a Florida man received more than he bargained for after ordering a coffee at a Starbucks in St. Augustine, and he is not happy. It wasn't what was inside the cup that upset this Starbucks customer, it was what was written on the coffee cup label: "DIABETES HERE I COME." The customer had ordered a grande (16oz) cup of white mocha, which has 470 calories when it's made with 2-percent milk. A photo of the message on the cup accompanies this post. And what was written on the label hurt the customer on a personal level, for his two sisters suffer from Type 1 diabetes. "That first word just automatically brought the picture of both sisters in my head, and I was taken aback," said the Starbucks customer, who did not wish to be identified. This customer works near the coffee shop and a fellow employee picked up coffees for their staff. His cup had the unusual message, and it hit close to home. "Just the struggles they went through and all the doctor appointments they had," said the customer of his sisters. That is just mean. Sure their drinks may not be the healthiest option out there, but putting such a mean thing on the receipts is totally out of line. None of the Starbucks in New Zealand would do anything as retarded as put customers down over their poor life choices.

11 April 2016

Spurs take out the Reds

Tottenham Hotspur scored three times inside six second-half minutes to inflict a 3-0 defeat on Manchester United, leaving the Reds four points shy of the Barclays Premier League top four. Dele Alli, Toby Alderweireld, and Erik Lamela scored the quickfire goals in devastating fashion to secure Spurs' first win over United at White Hart Lane in 15 matches, since a 3-1 triumph in May of 2001. The result means qualification to next season’s UEFA Champions League looks a tall order for Louis van Gaal's men with only six top-flight matches left to play this season. “It is not the weekend we wanted," conceded a disappointed Michael Carrick afterwards. "But there are a few weekends left yet." And in those weekends, they better step it up. Losing will not get you the title.

10 April 2016

Smash it your way

A prank caller tricked workers at a US Burger King into smashing the windows of the Minnesota restaurant to keep it from exploding, police said Saturday, mirroring similar deceptions at Burger Kings and other fast-food restaurants in other states in recent months. Police said employees at the restaurant in the Minneapolis suburb of Coon Rapids (which seriously needs to change its name like right now) got the call Friday night from someone claiming to be with the fire department. The caller said the restaurant could explode, so they needed to relieve the pressure. The manager and other employees believed the caller and smashed all the windows on the ground floor. "Officers arrived and found that the manager and employees of the Burger King were smashing out the windows,'' Sgt. Rick Boone told the Star Tribune. "The manager explained they'd received a phone call from a male who identified himself as a fireman who said there were dangerous levels of gas in the building and they had to break out all the windows to keep the building from blowing up.'' This is a stupid and expensive idea for a prank, with repair estimates for similar incidents in other states exceeding US$10,000. And as much as it's making me want to do this, I just hope nobody pulls that crap in New Zealand.

7 April 2016

The Brave Little Club That Couldn't has almost done it

Leicester City are on the brink of greatness. Mathematically, they are just four wins away from sealing a totally unprecedented first ever league title, having been rated 5000/1 title longshots and among the favourites for relegation at the season’s start. Seven points clear of Tottenham with six games remaining, 12 more points will give them an unassailable lead, but history suggests they might in fact be closer to the title than that. In the Premier League era, the league leader at this stage of the season has gone on to lift the trophy in 16 out of 23 seasons. Of the seven times they have been overtaken during the run-in, three have been when the second-placed team have had a game in hand, while on another occasion only goal difference had separated the top two. On two of the remaining three occasions that a points difference has been thrown away, that lead was just one point – in 1992/93 when Aston Villa capitulated in a way that even the most cynical fan would not predict of Leicester this year, as well as in 2009/10 when Chelsea caught and toppled Manchester United. This may be Leicester City's year, but hopefully Loser van Gaal gets it together over at Man United and delivers a capable team of the kind that made Sir Alex Ferguson and Matt Busby great.

5 April 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: Way too much sun

Dunedin residents were among those who awoke to find sweltering temperatures being forecast by the MetService today after a system error on their website and app. At 3.53am it was recorded that the temperature in Dunedin was 118degC and doubled as the expected high for the day. The temperature also displayed on the Otago Daily Times Online, a result of the MetService error. Around 7am, MetService tweeted that the temperatures were displaying an extra first digit and that they should be fixed. Other centres had similarly high temperatures forecast, with Blenheim being recorded at 119degC, Paraparaumu (just north of Wellington) at 218degC, and Auckland at 221degC. The hottest official temperature recorded on Earth's surface was 56.7degC, in Death Valley, California in 1913, so there is no way that temperatures of 118 degrees would be realistic.

4 April 2016

Thousandth goal at home takes all the glory

Anthony Martial scored Manchester United's 1,000th Premier League goal at Old Trafford to seal a narrow 1-0 win over Everton on the day when the Sir Bobby Charlton Stand was unveiled. Martial grabbed the decisive strike seven minutes into the second half as he squeezed the ball home from substitute Tim Fosu-Mensah's low cross, as the Reds moved above West Ham United into fifth. Boss Louis van Gaal opted to stick with the same XI that defeated rivals Manchester City before the international break, but did make two changes on the substitutes' bench as Ander Herrera and Ashley Young replaced Adnan Januzaj and the injured Bastian Schweinsteiger. The atmosphere before kick-off at Old Trafford was particularly special, with fans in the Sir Alex Ferguson Stand holding aloft coloured tiles to spell 'Sir Bobby' in one giant mosaic effect, as the South Stand was renamed in the club legend's honour in the 60th year since his United debut. But we all know it's going to take more than a stand renaming to give Man United their first Premier League victory without Sir Alex. It takes season-long consistency over 38 matches, 19 at home and 19 on the road. And that isn't easy for any team, but if other teams can manage Premier League glory without the firm hand of Sir Alex, then I don't see why Man United can't give it a go.

2 April 2016

Apple turns 40

Apple Computer Company was founded 40 years ago yesterday, on April Fools’ Day, in Los Altos, California, by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Gerald Wayne. To celebrate its big four-oh — as Microsoft did last year — the company is flying a commemorative pirate flag at its headquarters, 1 Infinite Loop, in Cupertino, a short drive away from Apple’s place of origin. Today, Apple Inc. sells much more than just desktop computers. There are laptops, portable music players, smartphones, tablets, set-top boxes, watches, and myriad accessories, like the elegant Apple Pencil. It is reported to be looking into virtual reality headsets and even a car. Here's a better way for Apple to get into the car market: they have so much money they could buy Ford, General Motors, and Tesla while still having at least 40 billion left over. But will the regulators allow the mass buyout of three big automotive firms? Probably not. But it's worth trying.

31 March 2016

Bikejacker gets jacked

The Bellend of the Month for March 2016 is Michael Monigold, a thief who tried to steal an army vet's motorcycle during a high speed police chase in Mesa, Arizona. The veteran, 26-year-old Brandon Jenkins, was pulled up at the traffic lights at Southern Avenue and San Jose, when he was attacked by Monigold, who was fleeing from police. Jenkins, who fought in Afghanistan, was able to wrestle the bike back from Monigold who was forced to return to the white van he had been driving empty handed. But as the suspect drove off, he ran over the vet’s Suzuki GSX 600 motorcycle causing irreparable damage. Now the former soldier has been surprised with a brand new bike, worth anywhere between $9,000 and $12,700, after manufacturer Kawasaki heard about his story. Monigold later crashed his truck on the Interstate 10, forcing the Arizona Department of Transportation to close the road. Monigold has been on the run since March 19 when police found him in east Mesa last Thursday. He took off from officers, leading them on a wild chase which ended when he crashed on the I-10 near milepost 171. He was taken to a hospital for serious but none life-threatening injuries, and is expected to be taken into custody once recovered.

30 March 2016

For all those who think that their country has stupid laws

In Thailand, you can't stand on or step over money. In Singapore, you can't buy or sell chewing gum. But those are pretty tame compared to this gem: 

29 March 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: Defibrillatorgate

Following the removal of a defibrillator at Bunnings' Dunedin store, claims are being made that the company has insisted on the removal of the devices at two other New Zealand outlets. About three years ago, staff at the Dunedin store fundraised to buy a defibrillator after a co-worker died of a heart condition. Last week the company forced the staff to gift the defibrillator to a community group. Radio New Zealand is reporting that the company also insisted on the removal of a defibrillator at its Nelson store about a month ago, and at its Gisborne store before Christmas, citing claims made by First Union. The union's Nelson organiser, Rachel Boyack, said when staff asked why, they were told it was because of maintenance costs, RNZ said. "They've obviously done some sort of cost-benefit analysis on it at a nationwide level and determined that the small cost to replace the battery every year, and ensure staff have the proper training, isn't worth the benefit of having something like this in the store for their workers and for the public," she said. If that is indeed the case, I'd suggest a boycott would be in order. The money lost through people going to the likes of Mitre 10 for their hardware needs will in time add up.

28 March 2016

Shaking up the far south

A 4.5 magnitude earthquake was felt as far afield as Dunedin today. The quake occurred about 4.15pm, was 5km deep, and epicentre was 50km northwest of Wanaka. Reports of the quake being felt as far afield as Kingston (on the southern tip of Lake Wakatipu) and Dunedin were reported on geographical hazard information website GeoNet. St John South Island region communications adviser Ian Henderson said there were no reports of injuries, and no calls to its clinical control centre, resulting from the earthquake. People should always make sure they had emergency kits and other items ready in case of any emergency, and to remain in contact with friends and family, and especially any neighbours who may be elderly or alone, Mr Henderson said. But that wasn't the only jolt the people in blue and gold country were in for today: this morning a 4.2 magnitude earthquake struck, centred on the edge of Lake Te Anau. More than 50 people in towns in and around Queenstown reported feeling the quake, which Geonet described as light. As of this afternoon there had been a total of 60 reports of light shaking and 21 reports of weak shaking on Geonet's website. The quake struck at 9.22am and was centred 30km north of Te Anau, at a depth of 60km. There were two reports of light shaking in Dunedin. I'm sure glad I got out of there in time, and no, I do not plan on returning there anytime soon (maybe except for Christmas). And even if I did, Bunnings would definitely be off the list as a woman whose husband died of a heart attack in a Bunnings store has now become the latest critic of the company's stance to not have defibrillators in its stores. Wellington woman Sharron Gilmore, whose husband Peter died of a heart attack aged 62 in Bunnings Naenae in 2005, made the comments after the company's management "put its foot down'' and forced its Dunedin staff to give the store's defibrillator to a community group. Social club members from Bunnings Dunedin raised $1300 to buy the defibrillator about three years ago, after one of their colleagues died from a heart condition, but the company's management has since called for it to be removed. I got news for you greedy pigs sitting up there in corporate: defibrillators could save lives. They could save yours should you ever have a heart attack in a Bunnings store. But if you don't want them and someone dies, the blood will be on nobody's hands but your own.

27 March 2016

Easter is upon us all yet again

And for all you noobs out there who think the long weekend is all about chocolate eggs, here's who it's really about - this man died on the cross so everybody could break God's law and still get into heaven.

26 March 2016

Paint it, Cuban

It may have only been rock 'n' roll - but Cubans seemed to like it. That's right, the Rolling Stones have become the first major international rock band to play in Cuba, drawing hundreds of thousands of people to a free concert at a decrepit sports complex on the road to the airport. For years, following the Cuban revolution, rock music was banned on Cuban state TV and radio. Cubans who wore long hair and beards faced harassment from officials, including Fidel Castro who told them to dress like men. No more. "Years ago it was difficult to hear our music but here we are," Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger told the crowd in Spanish. "The times are changing." And as most Cubans only earn about US$20 a month, there was no charge to see the show. Perhaps aware that many of the Cubans attending had not heard much of the band's music, the Stones played many of their most familiar classics like "Paint it, Black," "Sympathy for the Devil," and "Brown Sugar." They were joined by a Cuban choir to sing "You Can't Always Get What You Want." But if you try some time, as it has been proven here, you just might find you'll get what you need, which in this case was another step in the right direction. Those already in America can take yet another step by not voting for Trump this November.

24 March 2016

Let's void the 'droids

At first glance, it’s easy to see why many people are overlooking the significance of Apple’s new iPhone SE. And no, it's not because of what happened in Brussels. It's because the device doesn’t feature a crazy new form factor nor does it offer up any technologies we haven’t seen before. In fact, the iPhone SE by all accounts is simply an iPhone 5 jam-packed with technologies Apple originally introduced on the iPhone 6s six months ago. Nothing special here, right Wrong. The iPhone SE is not only poised to be Apple’s sleeper hit of the season, it’s just the device Apple needs to breathe a bit of life into slowing iPhone sales. Another model of iPhone 4S could also do the trick. But whatever it takes to put Android out of business, Apple should just go ahead and do it.

22 March 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: An important announcement

Tomorrow, I move house for the first time in almost 13 years. I will be moving to Christchurch to look for work, as the job search in Dunedin has come up dry. I will be staying with a cousin and his wife until I can get a job and then my own place. But they will need time to get the room ready for me, so I will be staying in a backpackers for two weeks. But how does this affect you guys, I hear you ask? Because starting tomorrow, this blog will be called Disseminators of the Truth: The Nightly Ramblings of a Man of Blue and Gold in a Land of Red and Black.

21 March 2016

United unites against City

Manchester United closed the gap on rivals Manchester City to just one point after a crucial 1-0 victory at the Etihad Stadium, courtesy of Marcus Rashford's excellent first-half strike. The Manchester-born striker - making his first appearance in this fixture - produced a moment to savour on 16 minutes, showing an incredible turn of pace to burst into the area and slot the ball past Joe Hart. It was a mature piece of centre-forward play, and one which was ultimately enough to ensure the Reds left the Etihad with all three points and their pride. But it's not over yet - they have to win at least six more games to topple Leicester City, and that's if none of the top five score any more points.

17 March 2016

Rodeos to ride on out

Banning rodeos in New Zealand would end the "inherent cruelty" to animals involved in the events, animal welfare advocates say. Animal welfare organisations presented a petition calling for a ban on rodeos in New Zealand to Parliament on Thursday afternoon. SPCA chief executive Ric Odom said the petition, signed by 63,000 Kiwis, sent a message that New Zealanders did not support rodeo events continuing in the country. Neither do I. When you see animals in the chutes that are prodded with electric prodders, or frothing at the mouth, or trying everything they can to get out of that confined place, that's not good. It would not be OK to chase a puppy on a horse, to rope them around the neck, then throw them on the ground and tie them up, so why do we do this to calves? And it would not be OK to get your cat and twist their neck 180 degrees so they fall to the ground, so why do we do this in steer wrestling? And tying a rope tightly around a horse or bull's balls so it will buck - would you do that to a pet? And what about the people that ride the animals then get seriously hurt when they fall off? It just needs to stop.

16 March 2016

Four years for being a jackass

A man who pleaded guilty to shooting his friend in a video stunt involving a bulletproof vest has been sentenced to prison. The Baltimore Sun reports that Mark Ramiro was sentenced to four years after pleading guilty to second-degree murder last year. Prosecutors say Ramiro and his friends intended to shoot a "Jackass"-style video stunt in their Baltimore basement in 2014. His friend, Darnell Mitchell, strapped on a bulletproof vest and instructed Ramiro to shoot him in the chest. Ramiro aimed too high, however, and shot Mitchell in the upper chest. Mitchell later died. Ramiro's attorney, Christopher Flohr, had argued that Ramiro should be spared jail and allowed to continue with a treatment program. Ramiro's full sentence was nine years with five years suspended. It serves him right for not heeding the warnings at the start of each episode. Unless, of course, he were to point the gun at Donald Trump.

14 March 2016

It's soccer ball, not soccer bull

A bull has taken to the field at a junior soccer game in Queensland, charging the young players and sending them running for cover. Ryan Devenish was watching his nephew play in Maryborough on the weekend when the bull started charging. He caught the whole thing on camera, and posted the footage to Facebook, saying: "Things got a little interesting... today." Mr Devenish said he first spotted the bull when it emerged from the bush near where he was standing. "It stared at me and actually had a charge at me for about five feet, and then stopped and turned around and went back in the bush," Mr Devenish said. The soccer field at Federation park in Granville is surrounded by paddocks and bushland and it appears the bull found himself on the wrong side of the fence. Mr Devenish said the bull reappeared during the under 15 game. This is why farmers should keep their livestock fenced in so it doesn't bother others. There is a chance that a player could have died or been seriously hurt. It's a soccer game, not a bullfight or a rodeo.

13 March 2016

And one more Yogi to start our seventh year

The final Yogi for 2016 goes to Chris Fawcett, who was smarter than the average father after building a realistic homemade speed camera to stop Stonehenge day-trippers hurtling through his village. He took matters into his own hands after more and more motorists began using local roads as a shortcut to the ancient attraction. Residents say the traffic in Shrewton, Wiltshire, got worse when a redesign of the Stonehenge visitors centre in 2013 saw a key road closed and sat navs started to divert drivers through the 30mph village. Mr Fawcett built a dummy camera from wood but it was burnt down by a mystery vandal. And he took the second down after threats of legal action from Wiltshire Council which said it was on their land and threatened him with legal action. But, undeterred, the 50-year-old has now made a tougher, steel box which even contains a video camera. Mr Fawcett has also attached it to a neighbour’s tree in his street so the council will find it harder to object to. And he said the desire to protect his village had made him want to build a better fake camera despite protests from the council – who he says have not done enough to tackle speeding in the village. We need more of those guys on this planet.

12 March 2016

We've made it to 6

And on the topic of numbers, the second Yogi Award for 2016 goes to Joseph Rosenfeld, a 15-year-old high school student who was smarter than the average high-schooler. Rosenfeld was visiting Boston's Museum of Science last June when he uncovered a math error in the golden ratio at a 34-year-old exhibit. He was visiting the museum on a recent family trip when he saw something that appeared wrong with the equation for the golden ratio - part of the exhibit, Mathematica. Rosenfeld, a sophomore at Handley High School, noticed minus signs in the equation where there should have been plus signs. If only Trump was that smart.

11 March 2016

A dodgy meme for a dodgy trade deal

This blog turns six tomorrow and as usual, we celebrate with three honourable mentions of those who are smarter than the average. The first of those Yogi Awards will go to all opponents of the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement (yes, even Donald Trump - and that could be his one saving grace).

10 March 2016

Flagged for change

Some New Zealanders were allegedly voting more than once in the poll on whether to change the national flag, according to the Electoral Commission. One man bragged on Facebook that he had collected almost 300 voting papers from his neighbours and friends and used the papers to vote for a change to the new design. The commission had asked police to investigate at least four people who said on social media that they used or intended to use other people’s ballots. The offence carries up to two years in prison (during which time they will not be eligible to vote in the local body elections later this year or the general election next year) and a fine of up to NZ$40,000. The vote is between the current flag, which features the four stars of the Southern Cross and the British Union Jack on a navy blue background, and a new design featuring a silver fern and no Union Jack, which some see as a throwback to British colonialism. Preliminary results of the vote are expected on March 24, and I actually like the fern better than a colonial design that has even been mistaken for a Confederate flag.

8 March 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: Meldonium

If Maria Sharapova serves a long ban for her use of the prohibited substance meldonium it could be an ignominious end to a sporting fairytale. Sharapova, a former world No.1 and five-time grand slam winner, is in many ways tennis' golden girl. The 28-year-old is sport's richest woman, having earned nearly $US250 million during her career from endorsements, appearances, and royalties, according to Forbes. She earned $US29.5 million in 2015 alone. Brand Sharapova is a marketable force. She is the most followed female athlete on Facebook, with 15 million fans. Off the court Sharapova started her own lolly brand, Sugarpova, in 2012 and wants to develop the company into a lifestyle brand. She currently has endorsement deals with American Express, Avon, Evian, Head, Nike, Porsche, and Tag Heuer. But it could soon go down the toilet just like what happened with Lance Armstrong. This culture of doping will just continue to ruin one sport after another, if a concussion scandal and domestic violence don't get there first like it did the NFL.

7 March 2016

Baggies bag a Red one

Manchester United fell to a narrow and unfortunate 1-0 defeat to West Bromwich Albion at The Hawthorns, after playing for over an hour with 10 men following a Juan Mata red card. United were forced to play for 64 minutes a man down after Mata was shown two yellow cards inside two first-half minutes, the first for failing to retreat 10 yards at a Darren Fletcher free-kick and the second for tripping the same man just moments later. Clear-cut chances were few and far between but, despite the Reds defending resiliently, Salomon Rondon grabbed the decisive goal midway through the second half. This is why the Reds are failing. We need Sir Alex back.

6 March 2016

Fire OS burns encryption

Encryption is currently a very hot topic in the tech industry, with Apple facing a legal battle with the FBI. The company is being ordered to create a backdoor to infiltrate encryption on an iPhone used by the shooters in the San Bernardino tragedy. Other big names in tech, including Google, Facebook, and Microsoft, have expressed their support for Apple to stand its ground against the FBI, with the company also gaining the former heads of Homeland Security and the National Security Agency as allies. As such, the move by Amazon to remove device encryption for devices powered by its Fire OS 5 comes at a bad time. Amazon released the Fire OS 5 in the fall of last year, and company spokeswoman Robin Handaly said that Amazon decided to remove certain enterprise features with the rollout of the customized Android operating system because customers were not using the said features. The enterprise features that were mentioned included one that allows users to place their whole device under encryption. If the wrong PIN was attempted on the device for 30 times in a row, all the data stored within the Fire OS 5-powered device would be deleted. This is seriously a feature that iOS and Android should consider a version of.

3 March 2016

LVG for the WIN

A late free-kick from Juan Mata gave Manchester United an important victory over Watford in their latest home game. The midfielder - named captain ahead of the game in the absence of Wayne Rooney, Michael Carrick, and Chris Smalling - stepped up to curl home a delightful effort on 83 minutes to settle a hard-fought contest at Old Trafford. Anthony Martial was named in a youthful starting line-up after recovering from a recent hamstring injury, while in-form striker Marcus Rashford retained his place up front. 21-year-old midfielder Joe Rothwell was named among the substitutes, the latest on a long list of youngsters to appear in a first-team squad this season. Louis van Gaal’s men went into the clash on the back of a confidence-boosting victory over Arsenal, but it was the visitors who started on the front foot, looking early to Troy Deeney and Odion Ighalo. It was United, though, who almost took the lead on seven minutes, as Daley Blind’s cross was sliced towards his own goal by Jose Holebas, but Heurelho Gomes was alert to the danger. The Reds also might have scored when Ander Herrera’s deep cross reached an unmarked Martial at the far post, but the Frenchman couldn’t direct his header on target. But that doesn't matter - what matters is the win.

1 March 2016

THE BIG REVIEW: Awesomenessness like nothing before

I made this one through the form on this website. To order, just scan the QR code at the Create Your Taste kiosk at any participating McDonald's in New Zealand. The ingredients are: 2 ¼-lb beef patties, rasher bacon, crispy bacon, a pineapple ring, Parmesan and Swiss cheese, jalapeños, and BBQ sauce, all on a brioche-style bun. It will be the McTastiest McBurger you've ever had.