The good kind of pigs

Putin and Pooh Bear are one and the same down there

Good boys of all patterns

The name is but an oxymoron

We need this in China itself

Scotty Scotty Scotty, out out out!

And two more wins under Ralf

Yes you read that right - rice and chips

Trans fats are fats!

So then kick it. You’ll thank me later.

Don’t change for her - be the change!

Just any character would polish things off

Drying rack FTW

Lego lass

Amd the poimt of it all is what, exactly?

Drawn against Villa

Let’s not, please, Mr. New Variant

Doing the rock, bird style

And so the bottle got painted over too

Let it go, let it go, the veg never tasted good anyway

Still better than a kick in the groin

PC master race put in their place

Lesson in karma: DON’T TOUCH THE BIKE

Jesus of Nazareth - rickrolling since 4 BC

In the words of their most famous journalist, is nice!

Not without your jabs it ain’t

Rangnick loses

Can’t be

Two of the most polarising figures in modern history are 19 today

What I should have done with my summer break

Going into 2022, we still have to do the monthly

And that of course is another addition to the Sick Phoque Club - December 2021’s is DJ Dimension (real name Robert Etheridge). He came to New Zealand to do a gig for New Year’s Eve but couldn’t because he tested positive for the Omicron variant during the self-isolation part of his 10-day quarantine (7 in a hotel and 3 at home). That is not in itself Sick Phoque material but the bellend left his address before getting his positive test back and went to several venues including a nightclub. To quote another musician with the surname Etheridge, somebody bring us some water.

Yeah right like that’ll happen

Just imagine if they did though

Getting Omicron in 2022 be like

United drawn against United

That would have been so awesome

BuT iT’s ThE lAw, OfFiCeR

Have yourselves a merry little Christmas

I’m more familiar with the Frank Sinatra version which replaces the “muddle through” line with “Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.” But now onto something I’ve been meaning to do for a while - a list of ten songs which I feel are compulsory listening during the holiday season:

1. Snoopy’s Christmas by the Royal Guardsmen - this song, which was of course inspired by a real-life truce early in World War I, is for some reason a quintessential Christmas song in New Zealand and nowhere else. Read this article to find out how that came to be.
2. Jump (for My Love) by the Pointer Sisters - not a Christmas song, I know, but it was in my favourite scene in Love Actually, so I’m counting it.
3. Rio by Duran Duran - also not a Christmas song. I’m counting it anyway because of its use in a Christmas episode of South Park, when Jesus and Santa were having a karaoke sing-off where they sung Christmas songs about themselves but Santa has way less possible songs than Jesus.
4. O Holy Night - now this one is better the way Cartman from South Park sings it. You know, the one with the line “Jesus was born and so I get presents.”
5. Do They Know It’s Christmas - no matter which incarnation of Band Aid put out your favourite version (yes, even the Band Aid 30 version with the Ebola-themed lyrics), the message is the same: THINK ABOUT THOSE LESS FORTUNATE. That’s the meaning of Christmas anyway.
6. Christmas at Ground Zero by Weird Al Yankovic - nobody does Christmas music like Weird Al. Especially when the song also references a nuclear attack.
7. Santa’s Coming by CKY - those dudes butchered a Christmas classic in the best possible way. Listen to it now.
8. Thank God it’s Christmas by Queen - especially the line “it’s been a long, hard year” at the end of the first verse. And this was written long before Covid made 2020 and 2021 even more so.
9. Merry Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon - the genius behind this one may be gone but the music will forever live on. The lyrics are the perfect call for peace during the holiday season.
10. Fairytale of New York by The Pogues - what can I say? It’s a classic.

Revolution done right

Now you regret buying that 60 fps monitor way back when?

No 10% guy? No problem!

G’day, inmate

Now that is one fly lice

There will always be a binary for the non-binary

But in Soviet Russia, presents give you!

Drumming is drumming

Just leave a casual vacancy on your bookshelf where her shit once stood

Soon it will be in the millions all over again like in 2004

All I want for Christmas is wine

Such a diverse place is Brazil

There’s only five there, and not everyone on TikTok has been vaccinated