THE BIG REVIEW: The wrong people dying

Over the last week, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, and Dan Haggerty have checked into the great hotel in the sky. And now, another has joined them: Glenn Frey, a founding member of The Eagles whose solo career included songs connected to "Miami Vice" and "Beverly Hills Cop," has died at the age of 67. Frey, a guitarist and singer from Detroit, moved to California as a young aspiring rock musician, and fell in with a group of songwriters, including Jackson Browne and Don Henley, the latter of whom became his main partner in the Eagles. During the Eagles' long, successful run through the 1970s and early 1980s, Frey wrote or co-wrote some of the Eagles biggest hits, including "Take it Easy," "The Best of My Love," "Desperado," and "Hotel California." After launching a solo career in 1982, Frey made a cameo appearance in an early episode in the popular 1980s police drama "Miami Vice" and penned a song associated with the show, "Smuggler's Blues." Another of his solo hits, "The Heat Is On," was featured in the 1984 comedy "Beverly Hills Cop." He died from complications from rheumatoid arthritis, acute ulcerative colitis, and pneumonia, the Eagles announced on Facebook. "Words can neither describe our sorrow, nor our love and respect for all that he has given to us, his family, the music community, and millions of fans worldwide," the band said in a statement. So why oh why can't Bieber be next?

Rooney FTW

Wayne Rooney netted Manchester United’s 100th Reds goal against Liverpool at Anfield as Louis van Gaal’s men claimed a famous late victory over the Merseysiders. The United captain struck with 12 minutes left when he smashed home from close range after Marouane Fellaini’s header had come back off the bar. It’s fair to say the hosts dominated much of the 90 minutes, but the Reds grew into the game after half-time before Rooney struck the killer blow, although it must be said that David De Gea was once again outstanding. In fact, so was the whole team. If this continues until the end of the season, then Loser van Gaal will be a loser no more.

And Grizzly makes three

That's right, a third celebrity cancer death in the space of under a week - Dan Haggerty, the star of 1970s movie and TV series The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, has died at the age of 74. A diagnosis of spine cancer was reportedly made after the actor had surgery for back pain five months ago. His manager, Terry Bomar, said Haggerty died at Providence Saint Joseph Medical Centre in Burbank, California. The US star became famous after playing the bearded, rugged frontiersman, loosely based on a real-life 19th-century California mountain man, John Capen Adams, in a low-budget, hit 1974 movie. Three years later NBC commissioned a TV series, which ran from 1977-78, about a woodsman, wrongly accused of a murder, who flees to the mountains and raises an orphaned bear cub he names Ben. Haggerty went on to star in horror films, children's movies, comedies, and other Grizzly Adams-style works; also appeared in TV shows Charlies Angels, The Love Boat, and CHiPs; and worked as an animal trainer for Walt Disney Studios. Before Grizzly Adams, Haggerty appeared in Elvis Presley movie Girl Happy and 1969 road movie Easy Rider. Hopefully, Justin Bieber will one day join him.

The next goal could be just what America needs

First Ziggy, now Snape. Will Bieber be next?

United and United each score 3

Manchester United were denied victory by a 90th-minute goal after yesterday morning's encounter with Newcastle United ended 3-3 at St James’ Park. An early penalty from Wayne Rooney and a fine finish by Jesse Lingard put the Reds ahead but the Magpies fought back to draw level through strikes from Georginio Wijnaldum and Aleksandar Mitrovic. The captain then hit a superb goal that looked to secure three important Barclays Premier League points until Paul Dummett struck a deflected shot off Chris Smalling and past David De Gea with seconds to go. This carry-on is not going to get the Reds any higher on the table than last season. The best approach is to win at any cost. Same goes for the other 19 Premiership teams.

Sock Centipede

THE BIG REVIEW: Too much blue

Checking emails and taking one last glance at Twitter are now just as much a part of our evening routines as brushing our teeth and saying goodnight to loved ones. That last-check-of-the-day habit, though, could be messing with our sleep cycles. Research suggests the bright, blue light from smartphones and tablets can prevent our brains from properly entering sleep mode. Apple is seeking to address that issue with a new iPhone and iPad feature called “Night Shift,” included in the upcoming iOS 9.3 update. Night Shift will activate after sunset, shifting the colors on your iPhone display to “the warmer end of the spectrum,” Apple says. That should make it easier to fall asleep after scanning headlines before you get your forty winks. Amazon also introduced a similar feature to its Fire tablets called “Blue Shade” in December, which reduces the amount of blue light coming from the devices’ screens. So if you're looking to get an Android, just don't. At least not until they come up with a blue-blocker of their own.

Ground Control to Major Tom's grave

David Bowie has died at the age of 69 after a battle with cancer, his representative confirmed to The Hollywood Reporter. "David Bowie died peacefully today surrounded by his family after a courageous 18 month battle with cancer. While many of you will share in this loss, we ask that you respect the family's privacy during their time of grief," read a statement posted on the artist's official social media accounts. The influential singer-songwriter and producer excelled at glam rock, art rock, soul, hard rock, dance pop, punk, and electronica during his eclectic 40-plus-year career. He released his 25th album, Blackstar, on Friday, which was his birthday. But that will be his last, as the starman waiting in the sky has come to meet him. All we can do now is put on our red shoes and dance the blues.

Guess who's back, back again? Chapo's back,tell a friend!

In prison, that is. But you can never keep that douche in.

Can't believe it has already been a year

Riddle me this

This is what I think of the Kardashians

The hardest just got harder

A smart phone led explosion in personal data is driving hard disk drive capacities up and cost per gigabyte down. Western Digital's new 6TB WD Black hard disk drive comes with an integrated dual processor, working like a computer within the main personal computer to speed the data writing and reading process up by as much as 29 per cent. While aimed at the gamer, or professionals in need of high performance hard disk drives for inside their personal computers, the WD Black 6TB has a SATA 6 gigabits per second interface, this drive is also perfect for computers being used to store growing home media file libraries. It's ideal for storing the hundreds of smartphone photographs snapped over Christmas and the videos of sleeping grandparents. On these 6TB babies there's room for up to 1,200,000 digital photos, 1,500,000 songs in the lossy MP3 format or 150,000 uncompressed songs, up to 456 hours of Digital Video, up to 2,280 hours of DVD quality video, or up to 720 hours of HD video. With that sort of storage there's plenty of space to rip all your CDs and put them away, and download all your music and films, and still have plenty of room for the future. This is seriously the hard drive of the future. We're talking six terabytes here - LOTS of space.

Guess who's back, back again? Crash is back, tell a friend!

The epitome of any Gen-Y gamer’s childhood is filled with memories of vibrant platformers like Spyro The Dragon, Jak and Daxter, and Crash Bandicoot. It’s been years since anyone has heard anything about Crash Bandicoot since its last few failed titles. But now, a YouTuber by the name of Anisotropic is hard at work designing a fan-made reboot of Crash Bandicoot using Unreal Engine 4 — and it looks pretty amazing. For those who have always wondered what a new-age Crash Bandicoot game would look like, Anisotropic is making all of your dreams come true. Crash Bandicoot was first released in 1996 on PlayStation, and at the time, IGN reviewed it and gave it a 7.5 out of 10. The story of Crash Bandicoot is the typical good versus evil narrative where he and his sister Coco Bandicoot and older brother Crunch Bandicoot battle it out against evil Dr. Neo Cortex and his nefarious spiritual guardian, Uka Uka. Crash and his siblings have Aku-Aku - their own spiritual protector, father figure, and personified health-meter. Once Aku Aku disappears from sight, the next time you get hit by an enemy, you die, kind of like the dragonfly in Spyro The Dragon. To see this dude in action, click here.

Diary comes out of hiding

Anne Frank's diary, written when the Jewish teenager was in hiding from the Nazis with her family, was made freely available online on Friday despite threats of legal action over copyright. A French MP and a university lecturer have published the original Dutch version of The Diary of a Young Girl on their websites 70 years after she died in the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp, aged 15. They argue that the work should now be free because under European law, copyright on written works expires 70 years after the author's death. However, the Anne Frank Fund argues that it still owns the publication rights. The Swiss-based charity was founded by Frank's father, Otto, and it claims that he made such significant changes to the manuscript that he "earnt his own copyright". Otto, who was the only member of the family to survive the Holocaust, died in 1980. Yves Kugelmann, a member of the fund's board of trustees, said the words were Anne's, but after the war Otto Frank "merged, or compiled, the two versions of the diary that Anne Frank left, that were both incomplete and that partly overlapped, into one reader-friendly version. For the purposes of copyright, he is to be viewed as an 'author' of that version." The charity also maintains that the definitive version is one published in 1986 by the Dutch State Institute for War Documentation and therefore still remains under copyright. "Under Dutch copyright law, a work first published posthumously before 1995 remains protected for 50 years after the initial publication," the fund said in a statement on its website. It claims that a decision by a Dutch court last month confirmed that the book would remain covered by copyright. Bollocks to that. The words in the diary were Anne's words. Therefore, the copyright expired 70 years after HER death. We should not have to sieg heil (no pun intended) to the will of some stupid jerks who claim otherwise. Jokers like Kugelmann would fit better in ISIS.

Reds can has victory

Wayne Rooney scored a second-half winner as Manchester United got 2016 off to the perfect start by defeating Swansea at Old Trafford. The Reds' winless run had looked in danger of being extended to nine games after Gylfi Sigurdsson cancelled out Anthony Martial’s opener. But with just over 10 minutes remaining, Rooney flicked home Martial’s cross to net his 238th goal for United, moving him above Denis Law into second place in the club’s all-time highest scorers list. Though there was only one change to the side that drew with Chelsea on – Phil Jones replacing Matteo Darmian – the Reds began the new year in a different system, with Jones joining Chris Smalling and Daley Blind in a three-man defence flanked by wing-backs Young and Martial. This is what we want to see from Louis van Gaal and his men. And if we kept seeing performance like that, the Reds will be able to get the silverware. And maybe LVG can do what Moyes couldn't and prove himself as manager.

Watch me quit, watch me vape vape

Heavy exposure to electronic cigarette vapor damages DNA in cell cultures, causing genetic instability that could lead to cancer, according to a study by VA San Diego Healthcare System and University of California, San Diego, researchers. Moreover, even nicotine-free vapor induces this damage, indicating that other substances in e-cigarettes can damage cells, the study stated. The study won’t come close to scientifically settling whether e-cigarettes represent a great new danger, a harmless diversion, or something in between. It does provide more grounds for suspicion that e-cigarettes are not entirely benign, and carry health risks of an unknown magnitude. Worldwide attention has been focused on e-cigarettes as a possible means of weaning smokers off tobacco, or alternatively as a new public health menace. But since e-cigarettes became popular scarcely a decade ago, there hasn’t been time to collect long-term evidence, such as the population studies that linked smoking to lung cancer. But seriously, people, it's not wise to swap one addiction for another.

It's the whole year that counts, not just the last week

Stupidest. Pranks. Ever.

The co-Bellends of the Month for December 2015 are the jerks behind this video.

And now, to boldly wait like no man has waited before

THE BIG REVIEW: Man United's failing form

Manchester United and Chelsea played out a 0-0 draw under the floodlights at Old Trafford, as the Reds stayed in sixth place in the Barclays Premier League. Both sides had clear opportunities to win the game and Louis van Gaal’s men will be frustrated not to have capitalised on some fine first-half play. The boss was given a much-needed boost before kick-off with both Bastian Schweinsteiger and Matteo Darmian returning to the side, following suspension and injury respectively. Wayne Rooney and Morgan Schneiderlin were also reinstated to the Reds' XI as Memphis Dupay, Michael Carrick, Marouane Fellaini, and Phil Jones all moved to the bench. But a single point just doesn't cut it. There needs to be either a return to winning ways or a change in management.

Dylan gets a second Chance

A grief-stricken British couple whose boxer died in June 2015 successfully cloned their dead dog after taking its DNA to a commercial dog-cloning service. Laura Jacques and Richard Remde paid US$100,000 (NZ$146,000) to enlist the services of Sooam Biotech Research Foundation in South Korea, reports the Guardian. A boxer puppy was delivered by a surrogate dog on Boxing Day following a successful procedure.  The couple have named the male puppy Chance. They are expecting another cloned puppy to be ready in a few days, which will be named Shadow. Both names are drawn from characters in Disney movie Homeward Bound. It's great to see Dylan get a second Chance, but Louis van Gaal won't if Manchester United don't deliver against Chelsea tomorrow.

Loser van Gaal loses again

Goals from Bojan Krkic and Marko Arnautovic inflicted a Boxing Day defeat on Manchester United, meaning the Reds are now without a win in seven matches across all competitions. Louis van Gaal described the fixture at the Britannia Stadium as a must-win ahead of kick-off but the Reds were disappointingly outplayed by a flourishing Stoke City managed by Mark Hughes, the former United striker whose second season at the Britannia Stadium is going from strength-to-strength. Wayne Rooney also spoke admirably about galvanising the squad on Christmas Eve and admitted this match could become a defining moment in the season, yet the captain watched the first half from the substitute’s bench after the boss started Ander Herrera ahead of him for “tactical reasons”. It was the Spaniard who registered the first shot at goal, with a 20-yard drive that was saved by Jack Butland. This is another three points gone begging no thanks to what is basically a carbon copy of David Moyes. Loser van Gaal needs to leave like right now.

Jingle bells, ISIS bells

Do the words "First Order" mean anything to you naughty people out there?

There was not enough room on board to swing a cat

Here comes Anta Claus, here comes Anta Claus, right down Anta Claus Lane

THE BIG REVIEW: Blatter and Platini

Those two just got themselves suspended from all soccer for eight years. It serves them right.

ICERD turns 50 today

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear ICERD

Happy birthday to you

That's right, today is the 50th anniversary of the adoption of the International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination.

Reds can't has victory

Manchester United’s winless run was extended to six games as Norwich City claimed a shock Barclays Premier League victory at Old Trafford. Louis van Gaal’s team dominated proceedings once again but were stunned by breakaway goals either side of half-time from Cameron Jerome and Alex Tettey. Anthony Martial pulled one back with 25 minutes to go but, despite late pressure, the Canaries held on to record their first-ever Premier League victory at Old Trafford and inflict the Reds’ first home defeat over 90 minutes this season. Wayne Rooney returned to make his 500th appearance, as van Gaal made four changes to his starting line-up with Chris Smalling, Phil Jones, and Ashley Young also back. But that's not necessarily the way to make a winning team - you just have to keep putting the ball in the back of the net. Seriously, the fans deserve better like they got under Sir Alex Ferguson.

Cancer for the con

A mother has been arrested in Texas and is being accused of shaving her 7-year-old daughter's head and fraudulently claiming the child had cancer. The Hidalgo County Sheriff's Office said 46-year-old Juanita Garcia had organized multiple fundraisers to obtain money she claimed was needed for her daughter's cancer treatments. Garcia would tell people in person and on social media that the child was terminal and had only months to live. She also shaved her daughter's head and convinced her she was suffering from the disease. Investigators said the girl was actually in perfect health, and Garcia admitted during questioning that she had made up the cancer story to scam money out of generous strangers. This is why people need to verify and confirm information from fundraisers that they choose to participate in. In many cases, asking questions and utilizing good common-sense approaches can prevent you from being the target of a fraudulent scheme. Legitimate organizations, groups, or persons who are fundraising will have ways to verify and confirm information about their events. For the rest, I have only this to say to you: lying about having cancer is seriously not cool.

Kardashian - oh, sorry - lardass

Autocorrect has become a universal source of frustration, but a recent development shows it may be smarter than you think. Or at least cheekier. Twitter is abuzz with users who have noticed the newest version of Apple's iOS software corrects the word "lardass" to "Kardashian". So for anyone typing "lardass" into their iPhone with the new 9.2 version of iOS software, they'll see "Kardashian" automatically pop up. And while autocorrections have traditionally been the source of complaints, it seems most people tend to agree with the Apple insult linking to the star famous for her curves. One person wrote: "You're not wrong iPhone. You're not wrong." Another wrote: "Someone at Apple thinks they're real funny." Kim Kardashian has long been noted for her behind and when she posed on the cover of Paper magazine with a champagne saucer resting on her bottom the image was so widely shared it was touted as "breaking the internet". Maybe it's just the similarity of the two words, which have the letters "ardas" in common, but I'm with Apple on this.

World peace for dummies

Could Loser van Gaal be out?

Louis van Gaal is apparently facing a dressing room revolt at Manchester United with a number of stars growing disgruntled at the club's wretched form. Defeat at Premier League rookies Bournemouth at the weekend made it five games without a win in all competitions and followed a shock Champions League exit at the group stage last week. And, according to The Sun, a number of players have stood up to boss Van Gaal with two senior stars apparently speaking up in the changing room following the 2-1 reverse on Saturday. That comes after another allegedly questioned Van Gaal's approach after the 0-0 with West Ham a fortnight ago. Pressure continues to mount on the Dutchman with several high-profile ex-players calling his job into question. Seriously, the Reds need Sir Alex back. He knew what he was doing, not unlike Insomniac Games when they were making Spyro. Sometimes, it just doesn't pay to change a winning formula.

THE BIG REVIEW: The state of world governments

One of the saddest sights ever: a 9-year-old Muslim girl being radicalised

That's right, people. The kid on the surfboard is being radicalised. But obviously not that kind of radicalised.

Reds eat humble cherry pie

Manchester United's seven-match unbeaten run in the Barclays Premier League came to an end on Saturday with a disappointing 2-1 defeat at Vitality Stadium in Bournemouth, where Jesse Lingard was also added to a worryingly long list of injured players. Goals from Junior Stanislas and Joshua King outweighed Marouane Fellaini's strike to secure victory for the Cherries, who are flying high following last weekend’s victory at Chelsea. The Reds, meanwhile, will drop out of the Barclays Premier League top four if Tottenham beat Newcastle. Come on, LVG. A draw is bad enough but this is just not acceptable. The Reds will never win the silverware without a real manager like Sir Alex Ferguson. He turned a team on the brink of relegation to the powerhouses they are today.

Australia - the racist country

A backpacker looking for a room to rent in Scotland was turned down by a landlord because "Australia is famous for its drunks and racists". Laura Gratton was left gobsmacked by the landlord's rationale for not renting her the £400-a-month (NZ$900) room in Edinburgh, saying her inquiry about the ad on spare room.co.uk was instantly rejected, with the landlord saying "it is well known that Australians are racist" so she would not be a good housemate. Gratton is originally from Melbourne but has moved to Edinburgh, where she works as a hostess at Jamie Oliver's Italian restaurant. The traveller, who previously worked in London, pointed out she had friends from all over the world but the man insisted "Australia is the most racist nation". He carried on to say "just as France is famous for wine and cheese. Australia is famous for its drunks and racists. I'm sorry I need to reject this request". That is itself racist. Convict or not, you can't do this to people. Australia is a multi-cultural and very accepting country. There are race issues like any other country - but the actions of a few shouldn't be used to judge anyone from that country. It's just like saying all Muslims are terrorists.

This is the alternative flag design which will go head-to-head with New Zealand's current flag in the referendum on change, in March 2016.

2100 POSTS!

Come at us ISIS - this reward awaits

Some dude replaced guns with dildos in photos of Republican politicians

THE BIG REVIEW: Donald Trump and Hitler

Heil Trump.

The post for 111/1100/11111011111

Hammed but not hammed out

An entertaining Barclays Premier League encounter ultimately ended in frustration as Manchester United were held to a goalless draw by West Ham United at Old Trafford. The Reds, who were without the services of injured captain Wayne Rooney and lost Morgan Schneiderlin at the end of the first half, created plenty of openings but couldn’t break down a Hammers side who created their fair share of opportunities themselves, with Mauro Zarate guilty of one glaring miss in the second half. Louis van Gaal's side spurned the chance to leapfrog Manchester City, who lost 2-0 at Stoke City earlier in the day, but extended this season’s unbeaten home record in recording a sixth consecutive clean sheet at Old Trafford in all competitions. Seriously, people, this is two points the Reds could do with now.

RIP Robert Loggia

You will be missed.

It's a berry bad day for berries

The recall of Fruzio frozen berries has been extended to cover 1kg bags of strawberries, blackberries, and mixed berries. The additional voluntary recall was announced after Fruzio's 1kg and 500g mixed berry bags, which contain strawberries and blackberries, were recalled on Thursday. The products have been connected with a potential risk of hepatitis A, making this contamination the latest of a raft of food safety scares in New Zealand:

• Fonterra and Federated Farmers received threatening letters and milk packages tainted with 1080 last November. The letters threatened to contaminate infant formula if New Zealand did not stop using 1080, a poison used for pest control, by March. A 60-year-old businessman has been arrested and charged with attempted blackmail.
• This month an investigation by Massey University found a new antibiotic-resistant strain of campylobacter in poultry from three of the four leading chicken suppliers in the North Island. The university would not name the producers at this stage.
• In 2013 tests on a whey protein from one of Fonterra's factories indicated the possible presence of botulism. Several months later, the tests proved negative but not before New Zealand's reputation for safe milk powder was damaged in China.
• In 2012 Fonterra found traces of dicyandiamide, an agricultural chemical, in dairy products. The DCD product was withdrawn from the market by fertiliser companies.
• In 2008, Fonterra's Chinese partner Sanlu was found to have melamine in its milk powder. Six children died from the contamination and later investigations found melamine-laced milk powder was widespread, with more than 20 companies identified.

Seriously, people, get it together. This is stuff we put in our mouths.

This is a brick made from the dust in Beijing's smog

Here's how he got the brick:

And here's what the brick looks like:

#2012iscoming

Dangerous traditions, polandball style

Kurwa indeed.

THE BIG REVIEW: Major Lazer

A teenage girl has laid a complaint with police after a mob of young men allegedly ripped her top down and groped her at the sold-out Our:House dance party at Mt Smart Stadium in Auckland on Friday night. The fun began when one of the members of the headline act, Major Lazer, told the crowd to take their clothes off. The girl alleged she was crammed in the mosh-pit when about 20 men ripped her top down and groped her entire body. She said the offenders were aged in their late teens and early 20s. Her sister's boyfriend tried to come to her rescue but was blocked by the crowd. "People like to make excuses and say it's because everybody is drunk, but it's not excusable," she said. "Our body is our own body and nobody is entitled to step over the mark. Consent is consent." The girl said she was eventually able to escape the mob of men, and left the stadium in a flood of tears. Realising her sister was still inside, the teenager went to police and asked to be let back in but was refused. Males should never think this sort of behaviour is acceptable. It just seems to be normalised in the generation coming through. It's bad enough that at the ripe old age of 27, I'm probably the youngest person alive to have even heard of Pam Dawber.

Seriously just stick to eBay

The Bellend of the Month for November 2015 is Trademe. My account there was closed on the 18th for no apparent reason. At time of writing, the account is still shut out with no explanation whatsoever as to the delay, and the process has been held up simply because they're more obsessed with proper procedure than doing the right thing, which would be to admit they made a mistake in not sending me an email about the closure the second it happened and to reopen my account. They are officially worse than ISIS, and should not be doing that sort of thing to other people's accounts.

A goal apiece for red and fox

Manchester United played out a 1-1 draw with Leicester City at the King Power Stadium in a hard-fought match, as Bastian Schweinsteiger netted his first goal for the club. Jamie Vardy was undoubtedly the story of the day as he scored for the 11th game in succession – a Barclays Premier League record – to put the Foxes in front on 24 minutes, before Schweinsteiger levelled proceedings on the stroke of half-time. A draw is better than losing but this is two points gone begging. Loser van Gaal has one job as manager - crush nineteen other teams and bring back the Premiership. Is it really that hard?

Backwards compatibility for the PS4 at long last

Veteran gamers are rejoicing at the news Sony is working on a way to play PlayStation 2 games on PlayStation 4 consoles. "We are working on utilising PS2 emulation technology to bring PS2 games forward to the current generation. We have nothing further to comment at this point in time," Sony said. An emulator recreates the digital environment in which a program is read, in this case a PlayStation 4 console will render a PS2 game playable on the PS4. The blunt and long-called for announcement from Sony has inspired more questions than answers. How will the emulator go live? Will it be only available on a new released PlayStation 4? Will gamers need to download PlayStation 2 games from the online PlayStation Store, or will they be able to play original disks on their PS4? And will the games be played in HD or in their original quality? Further details about the emulator are sketchy, but the idea of having access to the entire PlayStation 2 back catalogue will make any gamer's eyes water. But what about the PS1 and PS3? Will their games be coming to the PS4 anytime soon? And will this be offered for PS1-4 games on the PlayStation 5 if and when that one is launched?

There's brown gold in them there stools

A group of researchers just put a price-tag on poo. Extracting biogas from the world's annual human waste output could be worth the equivalent of up to $14.3 billion (US$9.5b) in natural gas, according to a report released by the United Nations University Institute for Water, Environment, and Health. Which means we could all be sitting on gold mines. "We recycle the nutrients in human waste effectively via agriculture in many places, yet the potential energy value of human waste has been given much less attention to date," co-author Chris Metcalfe of Trent University said in a release. "Challenges are many but clearly there is a compelling, multi-dimensional financial case to be made for deriving energy from waste." Such fuel can come in the form of methane-rich biogas, generated by the bacterial breakdown of faeces in an oxygen-free environment. The residue could then be dried and charred into sludge, an energy source akin to coal or charcoal, the authors write. The report authors calculated the low and high assumptions for how much biogas and sludge can be made from the average amount of waste humans produce, and then the monetary value of the fuel sources' energy equivalents. The result: turning people's poo into fuel could be worth between US$1.6 billion to US$9.5 billion. The higher figure equals roughly the fuel needed to power households in Indonesia, Brazil, and Ethiopia. So just do it already and we'll have no need for polluting fossil fuels.

Gigatown becomes Refugeetown too

Dunedin has been picked as the new settlement location for refugees flocking to New Zealand shores. A Government assessment - carried out by the New Zealand Refugee Resettlement Strategy Senior Officials' Group - chose the South Island city as a new settlement location based on its employment, housing, local community, and support services. An extra settlement location was needed following the Government's decision to allow 750 Syrian refugees in New Zealand before the end of 2018 in response to the ongoing conflict in Syria, Immigration New Zealand general manager Steve McGill said. There are currently five spots in New Zealand where refugees are settled after a six-week reception programme: Auckland, Waikato, Manawatu, Wellington, and Nelson. Dunedin was considered alongside New Plymouth, Hastings and Napier, Invercargill, and Tauranga. "Dunedin has a strong set of services and is a well-connected city where a number of government agencies have a presence," Mr McGill said. Let's just hope the new arrivals can stand bagpipes.

Climate change - is the obscene profit worth the price?

A mock weather report looking 35 years into the future has painted a stark picture of a wintry New Zealand, ravaged by extreme conditions including both drought and flooding. Just days before world leaders meet in Paris to discuss a global climate change deal, a futuristic fake MetService forecast for August 14, 2050 has appeared on social media. TV meteorologist Chester Lampkin shows that winter temperatures that day ranging from 12C to 20C - up to 3C warmer than normal for a winter's day. It shows showers and thunderstorms across Northland, Auckland, and Hamilton, with 70-90mm daily rainfall causing flooding and closures to an "underwater" Northern Motorway, North-Western Motorway, and Tamaki Drive. Coastal flood warnings are in effect for Auckland's coastline. Most of Canterbury, meanwhile, is parched and under a fire risk. The simulated footage showed the Hurunui District in North Canterbury to be at high fire risk. At tourist hot-spot of Hanmer Springs "300-500 firefighters" are fighting a massive wildfire. "Just a year ago, we were talking about extreme rains for this part of New Zealand, and now we're talking about drought and fire. We keep going back and forth in the extremes of the weather," said the meteorologist in the 4.55 minute clip posted on the World Meteorological Organisation (WMO) YouTube channel. The video ends with a message from UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon and WMO Secretary-General Michel Jarraud who say climate change will "increasingly affect our day-to-day weather". "But we don't have to wait until 2050 to witness its impact," he says. "Already today, many parts of the world are experiencing more intense rainfall, floods, storms, heatwaves, droughts ... we have to minimise these negative impacts and the best way to do that is to rapidly and significantly reduce our emissions of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases." There are many ways to help - swap out the gas-guzzler for a hybrid, plant a few trees to help turn some of that excess CO2 into oxygen, stop spraying that awful "shower in a can", recycle, basically anything that will repair that hole in the ozone layer.

THE BIG REVIEW: Caitlyn Jenner

Where every cellphone gets a bargain

The Warehouse has launched it's very first prepay mobile phone plan in stores across New Zealand today. Warehouse Mobile, which has been established as a virtual network operator and partnered with 2degress for technical support, promises customers the lowest standard of prepay rates, flexible plans, and a cheaper prepay option. The plan offers a minimum top up of $10 every 31 days, 250 minutes of calling time, 6c per MB of data usage, 4c per minute talk time to any network, and 2c texts. Warehouse Mobile's number range is 0284 and other numbers can be ported from different providers. I'm staying with Skinny until Warehouse Mobile can beat Skinny's $46 combo - that gets you 2.5 GB rollover data per month, and unlimited calls and texts to anyone in New Zealand or Australia.

What the Watford?

Despite a raft of injuries, picked up before and during the visit to Watford, Manchester United earned a dramatic 2-1 victory at Vicarage Road with Memphis Depay scoring on his return to the side and Bastian Schweinsteiger playing his part in an injury-time winner. In a game dominated by Louis van Gaal’s men in the first half and controlled by the Hornets in the second, Memphis's fine first-half goal and an own goal from Troy Deeney, who had equalised for Watford, secured a vital win and, at least temporarily, took United top of the table. David De Gea’s part in the win cannot be overlooked either after a string of top saves from the Spanish stopper. The Reds better keep it up if they want the silverware.

Brace yourselves, New Zealand - 2012 is coming

Central and local Government must start planning now for a potentially catastrophic sea level rise, opposition parties say. They're reacting to a report by Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment Jan Wright which warns thousands of homes may have to be abandoned and infrastructure worth billions could be lost. The report says it's uncertain how much sea levels will rise, and how quickly, but it's happening. "We're talking about people's homes, which are also their financial security," said Labour's climate change spokeswoman Megan Woods. "The fact is that over 9000 New Zealand homes lie less than 50 centimetres above the spring high tide line." The report says the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate change has projected that the sea level around New Zealand will rise about 30cm in the next 50 years, and continue to rise for centuries after that. Seriously, guys, cut your emissions.

And that's why you should get a Mac

Not. Fair. At. All.

Happy 30th, Calvin and Hobbes

THE BIG REVIEW: Stealing exam papers

A woman charged with stealing exam papers from the University of Otago has had her court appearance adjourned to next month. The 23-year-old is charged with burglary and has name suppression. She was due to appear in Dunedin District Court this morning, but was granted a registrar's adjournment to December 1. The 98 exam scripts were stolen from the Clocktower Building on November 7. The scripts had been completed by students taking at least six papers, mostly on the day of the burglary. The scripts, stolen from a secure area of the building which contains the registry office, had been recovered but were in an unusable state, so some students had to resit their exams. That is just not fair. If I were in charge, I'd give a 100% mark on all the affected scripts. And if you're one of those students who got a resit, please use this opportunity to do more study, especially if you don't think you did well enough to pass the first time.

Medicine sure has changed

Apologies for the delay. The mobile app wouldn't publish it. The post didn't go up until 24 hours after the stated time.

Clarkson to be shifted down a gear in court

Jeremy Clarkson is being sued for racial discrimination by the man he punched. Clarkson was sacked by the BBC earlier this year after getting into an argument over food with Top Gear producer Oisin Tymon. During the incident - which saw Clarkson rant at Tymon for 20 minutes - Clarkson punched his producer and called him "lazy" and "Irish". Now Tymon is suing Clarkson and the BBC for racial discrimination over the incident, and I can safely say that it bloody well serves him right. He shouldn't have done that.

#jesuisparis

The night was chilly but thick with excitement as the big match between France’s national soccer team and archrival Germany was underway at the national stadium in a northern suburb of Paris. President François Hollande watched with the crowd as the French players pushed the ball across midfield. Then came the sharp, unmistakable crack of an explosion, overwhelming the roar of the crowd. A stunned moment passed. Players and spectators seemed confused, and eventually the awful realization swept through the stadium: Terror, for the second time this year, had struck Paris. The symmetry could not be more jarring. A Parisian year that began with the bloodshed and chaos of the terrorist attacks at the satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo and later at a Jewish grocery now had an even deadlier coda: With events still fluid and exact details unclear, the authorities said more than 100 people had been killed in a series of attacks across Paris. And you see why Islam has been given such a bad name in recent years.

Much better use for a house of worship if you ask me

Seriously people IT'S JUST A CUP

The best BJ to hit Middle Earth

And no, I don't mean blowjob. American ice cream chain Ben & Jerry's is coming to New Zealand, it has been announced. Kiwis will be able to taste the iconic ice cream in December, when the company opens its first New Zealand store in central Auckland. There will be 18 classic Ben & Jerry's flavours available, including Strawberry Cheesecake, Choc Chip Cookie Dough, Chunky Monkey (banana ice cream with fudge chunks and walnuts), and Phish Food (chocolate ice cream with gooey marshmallow swirls, caramel swirls, and fudge fish). I'll be up there to see what all the fuss is about once I've paid off just under NZ$10,000 worth of debt and saved up enough money for what will be my fifth time in Auckland.

THE BIG REVIEW: Dads on Facebook

Another dad has joined Facebook, and it wasn't mine. It was Barack Obama. In his first post, Obama took Facebook users on a walk through his back yard at the White House and calling on Americans in a video "to preserve this beautiful planet of ours." "Not only do I want future presidents to be able to take walks like this," Obama said in a video post on his profile. "I want to make sure that the American people are able to enjoy the incredible national parks, incredible beauty, the mountains, the oceans, that have been one of the greatest gifts we've ever received." The President chose Facebook because "at a time when nearly three in four adults online use Facebook, this feels like a great place to do it," he writes. Meanwhile, the "Barack Obama" Facebook account, which has over 45 million followers, continues to be run by Organizing for Action. Obama, who first joined Twitter in May, has been more active on social media as his second term nears its end, hosting Twitter Q&A's, interacting with stars of the U.S. Women's National Soccer team, inviting teen clockmaker Ahmed Mohamed to the White House, joking with Bill Clinton, and even revealing his guacamole recipe preference. To follow him, click here.

This dude is set to become the next Epic Meal Time

Check him out here.

Two goals equals a welcome three points

Manchester United are back to winning ways in the Barclays Premier League with a 2-0 win against West Bromwich Albion at Old Trafford. After long spells of fruitless first-half pressure from the Reds, the breakthrough finally came early in the second period when Jesse Lingard fired home a super finish, bagging his first goal for the club as his star continues to rise. Juan Mata then secured the victory from the spot in injury time as United stayed fourth in the league, notching a sixth clean sheet in seven in the process. Putting points on the board is impressive, but nowhere near as impressive as this: Spyro the Dragon is coming to television. In an Investor Day presentation leading up to BlizzCon on Friday, Activision Blizzard announced Activision Blizzard Studios, a new division of the company focused on creating original films and TV shows. The first film project announced for the studio is “a robust cinematic universe” based on the Call of Duty franchise, planned to include “a series of Call of Duty feature films as well as the possibility of television adaptations.” No timing or additional information was revealed. The first release is expected in 2018 or 2019. An animated Skylanders television series is also in the works, titled Skylanders Academy. The show is currently in production (though no network has been announced yet) with Futurama writer Eric Rogers serving as showrunner. Skylanders Academy will star Justin Long as Spyro, Ashley Tisdale as Stealth Elf, Jonathan Banks as Eruptor, and Norm Macdonald as Glumshanks. Harland Williams and Richard Horvitz will also join the cast. It'll suck. Insomniac are the only company that should ever be trusted with anything Spyro. They knew what they were doing.

What got bigger must now get smaller

After the release of four larger iPhone models in 2014 and 2015, Apple is rumoured to be working on a smaller "budget" handset for next year. The iPhone 6 and 6S both have 4.7-inch screens, while the iPhone 6 Plus and 6S Plus are 5.5 inches, much larger than the first generation iPhone, which was just 3.5 inches. But according to KGI analyst Ming-Chi Kuo, Apple plans to launch a 4-inch model (the same size as the iPhone 5, 5S, and 5C) in 2016, as there is still demand for a small-sized iPhone. Of course there is - case in point: I still have the same iPhone 4S I've had since 2011. But I think they should put out four models so as to really give the consumer a choice: 7S being the size of the original models, 7M being the size of the "5" models, 7L being the size of the 6 and 6S, and the 7XL being the size of the 6 Plus and the 6S Plus. And they could also look at waiting two or three years between each generation so as to cut down on e-waste. It's just not sustainable the way things are going.

Nakedbus exposed for the scrooges they are

Nakedbus has refused to refund a passenger's ticket even though the bus was over an hour late and the company gave no delay notification. Sonia Kalekale arrived at the stop in Manukau in south Auckland well before her bus was due to depart for Hamilton last Friday evening. However, a full hour past its scheduled departure date, the bus still hadn't showed and the company hadn't contacted her about any delay. "I had no way of knowing if the bus was ever going to show," Kalekale said. Angry she couldn't make it to her friend's birthday party in Hamilton, and not wanting to wait in the cold and dark any more, Kalekale went home. That night, she wrote an email to Nakedbus requesting a refund for the trip. Nakedbus refused to play ball. "We apologise for the delay ... [but] Unfortunately we will not be able to refund this to you," the reply said. I'm not a lawyer but this looks like a breach of the Consumer Guarantees Act to me. Sonia bought the bus ticket with the express purpose of attending a birthday party. Late bus meant missing the party so no point going to Hamilton after that. As prescribed in the Act, the service Nakedbus were providing was not "fit for purpose." Without being bothered looking up the Consumer Guarantee's Act, I'm sure it'll also say something like you're entitled to a refund for "not receiving a service substantially similar to what was purchased". Pretty good argument that buying a bus ticket that departs at 8:15pm (when the bus was scheduled to leave) is quite different to buying one that departs at 9:26pm (the time the bus came; 10 minutes after Sonia left).

Gang promises to be orderly and well behaved

A Mongrel Mob gathering in Hastings involving 400 past and present members will not be "just a big piss-up", according to the president of the local chapter. Rex Timu promised Saturday's gathering of past and present gang members would be orderly and well behaved when he spoke at an application for a special liquor licence today. The gang is holding a gathering on Saturday that involves a motorcycle "memorial run" to various cemeteries around Hawke's Bay, then a "celebration" in a paddock behind the Te Aute Tavern, south of Hastings. The event, which was three years in the making, will also mark the 50th anniversary of the Hastings chapter's formation. If the application is declined there is a Plan B, but it won't be a very good one. It would involve the 300 attendees gathering at the chapter's gang headquarters, which is a house in the Hastings suburb of Camberley, and neighbours were unlikely to be happy about that. So this may well be just one of those times when the naysayers will just have to sieg heil to what the Mongrel Mob wants. And speaking of sieg heil, I'd advise the Mongrel Mob, who are largely Maori and have been known to use that phrase, to be careful around that phrase because the man who first used that phrase would have put them all in concentration camps.

Dwayne Popeye Johnson

But seriously, guys, Robin Williams was the better Popeye.

THE BIG REVIEW: 5 million

That's how big Wikipedia is, the internet's biggest online encyclopedia and the source for millions of pieces of late-night homework, is. It now has more than 5 million articles in English. The website announced it had passed the milestone on Sunday with an article on Persoonia terminalis - a rare shrub native to eastern Australia. In 14 years, Wikipedia has racked up around 3 billion words, 18 million references, and 30 terabytes of data - equivalent to 510,000 hours of 128 kB/s audio. At 300 words per minute, it would take more than 19 years of non-stop reading to read Wikipedia in its entirety. However, it is still nowhere near a level that would see it cover all human knowledge, according to estimates. More than 104 million articles would be needed to cover the total range of the human race's information according to Wikipedia user "emijrp", who is running a project to find such an estimate. Here's to the next five million.

Just what happens when you raise prices too much

Another scoreless draw, another two points gone begging

Manchester United were held to a third successive goalless stalemate, on a frustrating afternoon against Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park. Seriously, a trained chimp would be a much better fit for the team right now than Loser van Gaal.