Baby Got Punch

The Bellend of the Month for September 2016 is David Hardy, who approached five-day-old Elsie Temple as she lay in her carry cot inside a shopping trolley then thumped her as the youngster's mother Amy Duckers looked on in horror. The baby was left extremely upset by the incident and was taken to hospital with a red mark to her face. She was kept in for seven hours before being allowed home. Hardy, from Greater Manchester, was later arrested but claimed he thought Elise was a toy and didn't realise she was an actual child. But I still wouldn't have punched her even if it was in fact a doll.

The world just got even lazier

Heil YouTube

THE BIG REVIEW: Women's rights versus gun rights

The #trumpalert is strong in this one

We beat the champions, my friends...

Manchester United returned to winning ways in the Premier League in emphatic style after four first-half goals led to the Reds beating champions Leicester City 4-1 at Old Trafford. Chris Smalling headed United into a 22nd-minute lead following a Daley Blind corner, before Juan Mata doubled the Reds' tally on 37 minutes. Two further Blind corners were met by Mata, who found Marcus Rashford for the third strike, and then Paul Pogba who made it 4-0 three minutes before the break with his first senior goal for the club. Demarai Gray pulled one back for the visitors with a stunning strike 14 minutes into the second half, but it turned out to be a mere consolation as United came away with the much-needed three points. And they still need to keep on fighting 'til the end if they want their 14th Premiership title.

Just Banksy being Banksy

It was bound to happen someday

Best Korea doesn't have best internet

On Monday afternoon, a security engineer named Matt Bryant stumbled upon a part of the Internet that is usually hidden from most of the world: a list of websites available to people with Internet access in North Korea. The total number of sites was just 28. Bryant's list includes every site ending in .kp, which is the country code associated with North Korea. About 149.9 million websites end in country codes, such .de for Germany or .cn for China. More than 10 million sites end in .cn, according to the most recent report by the domain name registry Verisign. And although it appears the North Korean Internet is not a very big place, it is not the only network available to those who do have access to connected computers north of the DMZ. According to the blog North Korea Tech, the country has an intranet called Kwangmyong, reportedly connected by fiber optic cables, available only within the country's borders. The blog, run by journalist Martyn Williams of IDG News, has reported that Kwangmyong connects libraries and universities in North Korea, citing Facebook posts by people inside North Korea and posters about the intranet seen by foreign journalists reporting from the country. Because the intranet is physically connected only within the country's borders, the blog says it is impossible for the rest of the world to hack into, or for people connected to Kwangmyong to overcome its censorship. And speaking of overcome, there are now several generic alternatives to the EpiPen now on the market, many for less than 10% of the new price. So think before you decide to raise prices on life-saving medication.

Who is buying this 13 star signs crap?

THE BIG REVIEW: Prayer - it doesn't work

Reds fall again

Substitute Juan Camilo Zuniga made a decisive impact as Watford earned a 3-1 triumph against Manchester United at Vicarage Road. The South American put the hosts 2-1 in front with seven minutes left with his first touch of the game and, in the closing seconds, earned a penalty after being felled by Marouane Fellaini - which was converted by Troy Deeney. The Reds had battled back through Marcus Rashford's leveller after falling behind to a controversial opener by Etienne Capoue in the first half but return north disappointed on a day when nothing seemed to go right. And speaking of right, I don't know if either Trump or Clinton are the right person to replace Obama. #jillb4hill #steinbaraka2016

At least Curie didn't get all in our faces with her discoveries

Seriously, Apple, increasing the size is enough

The best of this year's bunch

Exploding galaxies! More exploding Galaxies!

Samsung has an exploding phone problem, and it isn't just the Galaxy Note 7, or so claims a California man in a lawsuit filed in federal court in New Jersey last week. Daniel Ramirez says a Galaxy S7 Edge badly burned his right leg when it burst into flames in late May. Ramirez, who was working a construction job in Akron, Ohio, says he "heard a whistling and screeching sound and noticed his (right-front) pocket vibrating and moving around, as well as thick smoke ascending from his pocket," according to the 19-page suit. The Tracy, Calif., resident said he suffered second- and third-degree burns to his right upper leg and right thumb and index finger when the handset ignited his pants and "melted" them to his leg. Ramirez is seeking more than US$15,000 in compensatory and punitive damages. It's unclear what caused the handset to ignite but it could be related to the phone's battery, the root of problems with the Galaxy Note 7, says Michael Morgan, a Florida lawyer representing Ramirez. Morgan said he was aware of a similar case involving another Samsung phone. This is why I'm sticking with my iPhone 4S, which I've had since it came out in 2011. But truth time - I do have a Galaxy, but it's an S4 that I found on a bus in December and just claimed for myself. I don't use it at the moment because the charger port has since stopped working (a common complaint with this particular model) and I can't afford to get it fixed. Those who hate the iPhone 7 will be pleased to know that both phones have a headphone jack.

It's getting hot in herre, so pay off all his debt

Nelly's in some pretty big financial trouble. On Sunday, news broke that the rapper was slapped with a $2,412,283 federal tax lien back in August, and since the songsmith owes so much, the IRS could claim some of his assets and property! The 41-year-old apparently also owes $149,511 in Missouri state taxes from 2013, so that means the artist is looking at over US$2.5 MILLION in debt! And while sources say the hitmaker is working with tax authorities to settle this money mess, his fans are also doing their part to help. On Monday, SPIN did the math, and realized that Nelly needs 287,176,547 streams to pay what he owes. So, plenty of people flocked to Twitter to get the masses to #SaveNelly, posting:
*Nelly needs help* Me:IM COMING NELLY! #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/PUyWcJH6VW — Glowing Keyblade (@Tinytay19) September 13, 2016
Nelly gave us hits for the middle school dances. We owe him #SaveNelly — Daniel (@theyhatedr) September 12, 2016
Because college was so lit. #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/9qCF8Ci2Vu — RinaTurnDown (@DaHoneyDipTX) September 12, 2016
We might not be able to save the country from Trump but we can #SaveNelly. — B! J! STEINER!!! (@DocZeus) September 12, 2016
#SaveNelly That man was in the longest yard, i gotta help him out https://t.co/JWCVqGJWOx — E F R 🌐 (@AnotherRuffian) September 13, 2016
pro tip: turn your phone to mute and put on "hot in herre" while you sleep tonight. 7 hours sleep = 110 plays #hotinherrestreamingparty — jim jar-jarmusch (@bergmansbro) September 13, 2016
who didn't wear a headband plus a band-aid on the cheek in junior high? we got you bro #SaveNelly — penjani (@penjanigucci) September 13, 2016
Say no more #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/NFEmm3hx5c — WSHH FANS (@WORIDSTARHIPH0P) September 13, 2016
I'm over here trying to pay Nelly's IRS bill while my bills continue to stack. Don't ever call me selfish. #SaveNelly — Deandre Moore (@IAmDeandreMoore) September 13, 2016
I turned on Hot in Herre on @AppleMusic and will leave it on repeat for the rest of the night. Join me #SaveNelly — Martenzie Johnson (@Martenzie) September 12, 2016

Plus, a lot of people want to make up for Harambe the gorilla's death by getting Nelly out of debt:
I couldn't save Harambe but goddamnit I'm saving you @Nelly_Mo #SaveNelly pic.twitter.com/wzFOHOCVZo — (@SadderDre) September 13, 2016
We let Harambe down. As a society we should refuse to let Nelly down — arjun (@funwithjun) September 13, 2016
Y'all got my mans Harambe, you won't get Nelly too!! https://t.co/UdXzDPjv3k — The Most Lit (@RashadStark) September 13, 2016
We have to get Nelly out of debt. Harambe died for this. https://t.co/UCwzeyLbwK — Zac (@zacattac) September 13, 2016
Stream Hot in Herre on a loop to help Nelly pay off his IRS debt! It's what the #ClintonBodyDouble and #Harambe would want — Gwen Clarke (@GwenCIarke) September 13, 2016

Are YOU going to help #SaveNelly from debt?! Personally, I won't because I feel he should have prepared for his tax debt while his music was in.

THE BIG REVIEW: Why 9/11 really happened

Stupid will never die

City ruins unbeaten run on derby day

Manchester City took the spoils in the 172nd derby after withstanding Manchester United’s valiant attempt to battle back from two goals down in an absorbing clash at Old Trafford. Kevin De Bruyne and Kelechi Iheanacho had given the Blues a two-goal lead in a first half that they dominated, but Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s super strike just before the break – his fourth in his first four league games – changed the momentum of the contest. United were much the better team in the second period but, despite battering on debutant goalkeeper Claudio Bravo’s door, the equaliser would not come and it was the blue half of Manchester who took the bragging rights. With both sides going into the game with 100 per cent Premier League records so far, the atmosphere before kick-off was unsurprisingly electric. But though Paul Pogba curled an early shot just over from 20 yards after a lightning break, it was City who bossed the rest of the half. But Mourinho can still redeem himself - it's overall performance that wins the Premiership, not just one game like in the FA Cup.

Daylight come and the button don't go home

The home button on the iPhone has so many different essential functions that Apple can’t just remove it. But starting with the iPhone 7, the home button is changing. It’s no longer a physical button. Instead, it’s a capacitive button that gives you the impression that you’re pressing a regular button with the help of a new Taptic Engine. That means the home button will retain almost all its features, and it’ll even gain some new ones. However, it also means a crucial iPhone feature is changing this year. When all else fails with an iOS device, you can force a reboot by holding down two buttons simultaneously. The power/standby button and the home button. However, starting with the iPhone 7, that particular combination will no longer work. It’s likely that the iPhone needs to be turned on so that the new home button works as intended. If a phone is frozen, it won’t recognize home button presses so the old combo simply isn’t possible. So what does one do now? Apple is replacing this gesture with a different one: You’ll have to hold the power/standby button and the volume down button simultaneously to force a reboot, or to put the iPhone 7 in DFU mode. That said, the home button on the iPhone 7 still retains the same features you expect it from it, including Touch ID, Apple Pay, Siri, multitasking, and Reachability. The home button can also still be used to get out of apps and return to the home screen, and can be used to take a screenshot. It will be customized to support other actions in the future as well, but Apple has yet to detail them. To take a screenshot, you’ll still have to press the power/standby button and the home button at the same time, just like you do now. The difference between taking screenshots and rebooting is that the iPhone is powered on while you’re grabbing a screen. But that's not why I'm staying with my 4S. Here's why: the price tag and the lack of headphone jack. Also, planned obsolescence. It's how Apple make money. But they make a damn good phone in the process.

To boldly go where no franchise has gone before

There is such a thing as too far and Apple just went there

In Loving Memory

TRS HEADPHONE JACK

1964-2016

But Apple can still go further:

China not feeling the iLove this time round

Judging by the volume of online chatter, there’s a lot less buzz in China ahead of this week’s expected launch of the new Apple iPhone, and people on the street say they’re more likely to “wait and see” what the latest device offers than rush out to buy. Posts on China‘s popular Sina Weibo microblogging site show the iPhone 6, which took China by storm in 2014 with its new, larger screen, attracted around 15 times more comments in the month before launch than this year’s model. The muted online anticipation for the iPhone 7 underlines the challenge Apple faces to revive growth in China, where an economic slowdown has slammed the brakes on what was once touted as the firm’s next big growth engine. I have an idea: how about not putting out a new model each year?

THE BIG REVIEW: The differences between rugby and soccer

Good luck trying to find the studio they taped it at

This man is why stingrays need to go - 44 is too soon to die

It won't stop the police brutality though

Android no more?

On the face of it, Android seems like a very successful platform. It's the operating system that powers 85 percent of the new smartphones shipped, and, along with iOS, has decisively crushed the competition. But Android is also plagued by dogged problems that Google can't seem to solve. First off, there's the issue of fragmentation, which means that developers have to create software that will work reliably on many hundreds of different devices from dozens of manufacturers. Sure, developers could just focus on devices from the big players - and some, such as Salesforce, are already doing just that - but that defeats the purpose of having a platform in the first place. Then, there's the update problem. Google has a yearly release schedule in place for Android, but it takes the new version a good part of a year to break the 10-percent usage mark. And it takes about four years for a release to fully penetrate the ecosystem. Four years is a crazy long time in tech, and while Google is speedy at getting new releases onto its Nexus hardware, it can take months for owners of Android devices from other manufacturers to start seeing the update. And many never see the update. In fact, outside of buying a Nexus device, the easiest way to get your hands on a new Android release is to buy a new device. And you wonder why Android smartphone sales are so buoyant. So, dominant market share aside, it's clear that Android has suffered from some extremely severe problems. Many of the problems facing Android come down to it being open source. Android is all about being open, which means that once Google has released a new version, the OEMs and carriers are free to tinker with it to their hearts' content. That then results in both the fragmentation (OEMs loading the code onto any and every device form factor they can think of), and the problems with updates (Google can't push Android direct to devices because heavens knows what modifications and tinkering have been done, both cosmetic and structural, to the code). Another problem with Android is that it's based on Linux, and Linux is both old and plagued by legal issues. The Linux kernel was never designed for smartphones and IoT devices, and yet here we are shoe-horning it onto these devices. Sure, the kernel's been furiously tweaked, but tweaking can only go so far, especially when you're trying to optimize power consumption or when a platform that can run in real-time is required (the Linux kernel isn't real-time and instead uses a scheduler). Also, all that legacy code is the perfect breeding ground for bugs and vulnerabilities. The legal issues, specifically intellectual property licensing issues, are a real thorn in the side for those making Android devices. Companies such as Microsoft pulling in billions of dollars in licensing fees from Android hardware OEMs, which eats into the already razor-thin profit margins. A totally new, built from the ground-up platform could free OEMs from being shackled to expensive patent licensing deals. And Google is working on new platforms. Take, for example, Project Fuchsia. Sure, it's early days, but it's clear that Google is looking to an era beyond the Linux kernel, and the end of the Linux kernel ultimately means the end of Android. This operating system not only could be built from the ground up so as to be optimized for today's devices, but it would also be free from IP headaches. It could also be modular in nature allowing for it to be customized for different applications - from the desktop and laptops to smartphones and even small IoT devices. It would be a truly unified platform. Google could license this platform to hardware developers, as opposed to using the open source model. Licensing would give Google greater control over the hardware that Android was loaded onto. No more junk that can barely run the OS. No more devices being launched running years-old releases with no hope of an update. This would truly be a platform for the 21st century. Don't expect this to happen anytime soon, as operating systems take time to develop. But equally, don't think that Android is going to be around forever. Android has some serious shortcomings that Google is well aware of, and the fact that it isn't making much effort to fix these issues is perhaps the strongest evidence - along with the company's declared interest in developing new platforms - that such work is ongoing. How long until we see an Android replacement? I'd guesstimate something in the region of five years, but a company such as Google has the resources to make it happen much quicker. But it could also lose interest in the idea and decide that Android is good enough as it is. But for now, I have a good idea for a replacement - get an iPhone.

Time to spring into action, people!

After a century of shooing away hunters, tending to trails, and helping visitors enjoy the wonder of the natural world, the guardians of America’s most treasured places have been handed an almost unimaginable new job – slowing the all-out assault climate change is waging against national parks across the nation. As the National Parks Service (NPS) has charted the loss of glaciers, sea level rise, and increase in wildfires spurred by rising temperatures in recent years, the scale of the threat to US heritage across the 412 national parks and monuments has become starkly apparent. As the National Parks Service turns 100 this week, their efforts to chart and stem the threat to the country’s history faces a daunting task. America’s grand symbols and painstakingly preserved archaeological sites are at risk of being winnowed away by the crashing waves, wildfires, and erosion triggered by warming temperatures. The Statue of Liberty is at “high exposure” risk from increasingly punishing storms. A national monument dedicated to abolitionist Harriet Tubman, who will be enshrined on a new $20 note, could be eaten away by rising tides in Maryland. The land once walked by Pocahontas and Captain John Smith in Jamestown, the first English settlement in the US, is surrounded by waters rising at twice the global average and may be beyond rescue. These threats are the latest in a pile of identified calamities to befall national parks and monuments due to climate change. Receding ice, extreme heat, and acidifying oceans are morphing America’s landscapes and coasts at a faster pace than at any time in human history. Come on, people. There is still hope, but for any good to come out of this, we need to stop polluting. That includes you, Big whatever it is you're poisoning our planet with.

The Cruelest Rule on Earth

The Bellend of the Month for August 2016 is the cruelest rule in the Olympics. Here's how it got this distinction: you start running young. Really young, like at the age of 5. You stay after school every day and practice. You get blisters on your feet. By the time you're 10 years old, you've participated in more track meets and your whole room is full of medals and trophies. You ruin more pairs of sneakers than a dog trapped in a foot locker. You're 18 years old and you can jump higher, run faster, and endure more pain than more than 99% of the world's population. Fast forward to now - you're 21, you've qualified for the Olympics, and you've sacrificed thousands of hours of your life - relationships too - to get where you are. Every morning workout, every time you puked, every injury you rehabilitated from, every ice bath, every labored breath has led up to this moment. And as you wait on the starting line, your body primed and trained to jump at the slightest provocation, you bolt for the hurdles as fast as you can. Only to realize there's no one behind you. Only to realize you had a false start. Only to realize that you've been disqualified and your entire life's preparation for this moment was in vain. That's what happened to 21-year-old French hurdler, Wilhem Belocian when he was disqualified for a single false start. The false start disqualification rule is being called out by The Washington Post as the "cruelest rule in the Olympics" and for good reason: it ruins athletes lives. Just look at how utterly crushed Belocian is - he collapsed to the ground and pounded the track in disbelief, and anger, that his Olympic dreams were all over. And the reason why this incredibly strict policy is in place all boils down to ad dollars, unfortunately. The rule was implemented after the Beijing games in order to speed up track meets, which were slowed down by false starts. This caused television broadcasts to run over their scheduled allotted time. You'd think they'd allocate one warning to each competitor, or at the very least one for the entire field, but, these are TV execs you're dealing with after all. After seeing Belocian's heartbreaking reaction, people all over the internet began calling for an end to the unfair rule, and another chance to Belocian.

THE BIG REVIEW: The death of Wonka

A strong case for banning the police and Big Pharma

Hull next to lose to the Mourinho machine

Manchester United signed off for the international break with another victory to keep up a 100 per cent record in the Premier League so far, and it came in dramatic fashion as Marcus Rashford came off the bench to net a deserved winner for the Reds. It was a match United totally dominated, but it took until injury time for the breakthrough to arrive when some superb and dogged play from Wayne Rooney on the left flank teed up Rashford to slot home. But a real achievement would be if they can go 38 for 38.

Kinda sums up our politicians, don't it?

Presenting the overpaid pricks who put the big in Big Pharma

So just to prove a point, you wasted toner?

I'm nougat nougat, are you nougat nougat?

The final version of Android Nougat was released yesterday and will roll out to devices over the following days. All the rumours have pointed to the launch of Android N in August, and with little fanfare, Google yesterday released the final version of Android Nougat. It's coming out first on certain Nexus devices and those who have already installed the beta version of Android N will also receive an update to the final version. Downloading and installing a beta version of Android to a Nexus device used to be a real headache, but this time around, Google made installing the Android N Developer Preview on to a Nexus device so easy that anyone could do it. Just bear in mind that this is not the finished version of the OS, and there will more than likely be some bugs that need fixing. But I wouldn't bother. My iPhone 4S still works fine after almost 5 years in my possession. As I always say, if it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

THE BIG REVIEW: Cubic dog fur

Maybe that's why they say don't drink the water

Strong with the Joker young Luke Skywalker is

And his wife was pretty hot as Mindy.

It takes two to stay at the top

Paul Pogba may have been the star attraction beneath the Friday night lights, but Zlatan Ibrahimovic stole the show at Old Trafford after his brace secured a 2-0 win over Southampton that keeps Manchester United top of the Premier League table. The Swedish striker scored either side of half-time, firstly with a well-taken header and then from the penalty spot, as Jose Mourinho’s men dispatched the visitors in a comfortable fashion that will continue to fuel the belief that the team can challenge for the title this season. The first home match of the season is always a special occasion for fans, yet this much-anticipated Old Trafford outing was elevated beyond the traditional sense of excitement in light of Pogba’s first appearance since returning to the club following a four-season spell at Juventus. The world-record signing’s every touch was cheered, particularly throughout the opening exchanges, and the stadium would have erupted had his shot from Ibrahimovic’s pass beaten Fraser Forster on 13 minutes. But what matters here is the three points, with goal difference only being of use as a tiebreaker.

Just 'murica being 'murica

Crashing back to the PS4

Crash Bandicoot will be joined by another fan-favourite character when he makes his PS4 debut as part of Skylanders Imaginators later this year. Crash Bandicoot supervillain Doctor Neo Cortex will join the Skylanders Imaginators cast as a playable character. Dr. Neo Cortex will use his signature blaster ray, hoverboard, explosive mines, and will also be able to summon the powerful Uka mask. Activision also revealed another new level for the game, which is said to be steeped in nostalgic Crash Bandicoot gameplay. The Thumpin’ Wumpa Islands level will also include Crash Zones that bring back the boulder chases from the orignal PSOne release. "And, as with any Skylanders level, there are secrets and hidden areas all along the way," reads an Activision statement. "In paying homage to this iconic character on his 20th anniversary, the level is packed with TNT boxes, crabs, hazards, temple ruins, Wumpa Fruit, exploding crates, and many more elements from the original Crash. "But it all takes place in the Skylands - which means a new twist of Skylanders combat and action brought into the world of the Wumpa Islands." The Thumpin’ Wumpa Islands will be available as part of the Skylanders Imaginators Starter Pack, which features Crash Bandicoot for PlayStation platforms at launch. According to Activision, a 'Synchronization Celebration' has aligned the world of Skylands with the Wumpa Islands. "Upon arriving, Spyro and Mags discover that Dr. Neo Cortex has created a terrible machine to harness the rhythmic power of the island’s celebration for his newest evil scheme!" reads an Activison statement. When the machine goes awry, something occurs that throws the whole party out of sync. Crash (voiced by Jess Harnell, who voiced Spyro in A Hero's Tail) must team up with the Skylanders and his old enemy Neo Cortex to restore the celebration before the Wumpa Islands are syncopated right out of existence!" But that's not all we'll see of the orange one: Upgraded versions of Crash Bandicoot, Cortex Strikes Back, and Warped will launch as part of a bundle, arriving for PS4 in 2017. So then why are they not doing the same with Spyro?

Here's a real pirate of the Caribbean

Apparently, Johnny Depp has cut his fingertip off. I couldn't get the image to save on my phone, so here's a link instead: http://m.tmz.com/#gallery/2016/08/14/the-gruesome-finger/images/2016/08/14/johnny-depp-finger-tmz-wm-jpeg/

THE BIG REVIEW: John Key's deluded pipe dreams

Winning, United Style

Jose Mourinho began his Manchester United reign in the Premier League with a 3-1 victory over Bournemouth as Zlatan Ibrahimovic caught the eye and got himself on the scoresheet once again for his new club. It was Juan Mata, playing in his 52nd consecutive league game for United having not missed one since February 2015, who put the Reds ahead after capitalising on a defensive area just before the break. Wayne Rooney headed a second after the interval, before the impressive Ibrahimovic drilled home from 25 yards. An Adam Smith strike was a mere consolation for Bournemouth, but so would winning. Speaking of which, Mourinho has 37 more chances to build on the dominance that Fergie built and Moyes and LVG destroyed. I know he can pull it off.

The answer: yes he can

Pokemon Go becomes Pokemon Cheat

Think the Rio Olympics are full of cheats? Well, guys, dig this: "Pokemon Go" cheaters continue to proliferate as the game continues to break game records since its first release. However, these tricksters should now start counting their days as Niantic has already stated permanently banning players who are caught doing fraudulent activities. That's right, people - Niantic has already started banning the accounts of "Pokemon Go" players who are using cheats and third-party apps to help them catch Pokemons and gain items without sweat. However, the game developer has already confirmed that cheaters and spoofers are going to be banned via its new Submit an Appeal form in the FAQ section of its official website. Niantic has stated that using third-party apps or emulators and faking locations using spoofing techniques are considered illegal. The game company has emphasized that these unlawful activities violate the "Pokemon Go" game's TOC. With these statements, it is safe to say that Niantic is really serious in banning "Pokemon Go" cheaters. The game developer has also revealed that it is removing all unauthorized third party apps that significantly affect the "Pokemon Go" servers. Here's a sample of a ban notification released by Niantic to a "Pokemon Go" player that was caught cheating: "Your account was permanently terminated for violations of the Pokémon GO Terms of Service," the "Pokemon Go" game developer has stated. "This includes, but is not limited to: falsifying your location, using emulators, modified or unofficial software and/or accessing Pokémon GO clients or backends in an unauthorized manner including through the use of third-party software." "Pokemon Go" players can also report a cheater by submitting a report on its FAQ section. Aside from filling in some vital information, "Pokemon Go" players should also provide screenshots as evidences. Meanwhile, GamenGuide has provided a way to effectively remove a permanent ban without doing it illicitly.

Gotta catch the kids

In memory of the funniest spaceman there ever was

North Korea is not the best Korea after all

THE BIG REVIEW: Neoliberalism in a nutshell

Mourinho can has victory

Jose Mourinho claimed the Community Shield at the end of his first match as Manchester United manager after Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored a late winner on his official debut for the club. Jesse Lingard had opened the scoring against Leicester City with an excellent individual goal and Jamie Vardy equalised at the start of the second half, but the Reds’ new no.9 proved to be the match-winner with his calmly taken back-post header. It was the perfect follow-up to his pre-match interview with MUTV in which the Swede said: “I came here to win trophies – not to waste time! There was a palpable sense of excitement among the fans an hour before kick-off after it was confirmed that Paul Pogba had been “granted permission to have a medical in order to finalise his transfer to United”. The Frenchman is set to become Mourinho’s fourth signing and the boss named two of them – Eric Bailly and Ibrahimovic – in his XI, with Henrikh Mkhitaryan later coming as a 92nd-minute substitute. I am confident Mourinho will do great things as manager.

The clear winner in the Ledger vs Leto debate: Willem Dafoe

Chuck Norris would have been a good addition to the Suicide Squad

Tide slowly turning against the bacon

Mole when I can get the source material to load.

Happy 55th, you sellout chimp

Now let's turn attentions from Obama and toward another Osama, namely an Australian comedian due to perform in the South, whose jokes allegedly encourage sexual violence and make light of survivors' pain. Rape Crisis Dunedin spokeswoman Michell Reddy was concerned about the jokes Jim Jefferies has made about survivors of sexual abuse. A New Zealand tour by the comedian in October includes stops at the Regent Theatre in Dunedin and the Civic Theatre in Invercargill. Rape jokes were a form of harassment and inappropriate in a society with a high prevalence of sexual violence, Miss Reddy said. A joke by Jefferies refers to the women allegedly sexually assaulted by comedian Bill Cosby. He states the penalty for Cosby raping the women would be the same for any number more than 30, so he should "just go for it". Be that as it may, this disregards the impact of the trauma that the women involved have lived through and encourages sexual violence. It treats women as just a statistic. In another joke, Jefferies calls rape a compliment, but it is not and never will be. It is a serious criminal offence that can, and does, have long-lasting effects physically, psychologically, and spiritually. Jefferies needs to ask himself who was benefiting from his jokes (obviously him). By portraying sexual violence as something that should not be taken seriously, he affirms perpetrators by turning their actions and the lack of consent into something that should be laughed about. Rape jokes are neither edgy, new, or subversive, and are a key driver of rape culture. And besides, Chris Lilley is a much better comedian.

EAT MOR CHOKLIT

THE BIG REVIEW: The farce that passes for an election

This needs to be the rule everywhere

Obama proves his Osama-ness

The Bellend of the Month for July 2016 is Barack Hussain Obama, who has just signed the "DARK Act" into law. It is unfortunate that the President has sided with well-heeled lobbyists representing Monsanto and the rest of Big Food and against consumers and families. The Roberts-Stabenow "DARK Act" is a step backward; one that tramples on states rights and makes it more difficult for American mothers and fathers to know what's in the food they're purchasing for their children. We believe the free market will reject efforts by those in Congress, and the President, to make it more difficult for families to understand what is in the food being sold in America's grocery stores. While we are disappointed that huge campaign contributions from Big Ag and the food industry were sufficient to undermine what 89% of Americans clearly desire in the way of clearly understandable, on package labeling of GMOs, we know the truth will eventually win this debate. But thank you all of those Members of the U.S. Senate and U.S. House of Representatives who were brave enough to vote against the Monsanto lobbyists and express disappointment that the President decided to side with lobbyists instead of the people. I would not be surprised if this is why the police are shooting black people for no reason. Seriously, what part of "veto" does that chimp not understand? America's first black president has already sold out, and that's before TPP ratification which is rumoured to be scheduled for right after the election in the lame duck session of Congress. He won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009 but here in 2016, he has yet to earn it. So far, the hope he promised in his election campaign in 2008 has turned out to be false, and the lion's share of the change for the worse. I know at least one six-letter word beginning with "n" that describes Obama, but I won't say it here. Instead, I will say this: if the KKK got off their butts and did their job, there would be one less sell-out turning our planet into a toxic dystopian mess. I seriously hope someone cares about America enough to put a bullet in his thick skull. And if they can take care of Clinton and Trump as well, they would be doing their nation a great service.

Can you tell me how to get, how to get the cast back?

Sunny days may be here once again, as “Sesame Street” seems to be chasing some bad clouds away. For those of you who thought this meant Sesame Street is returning to New Zealand television after four weeks off the air, you thought wrong. I meant this: on the heels of the headline-grabbing, disastrous decision to fire three beloved actors with over 100 years of combined experience on the show, public pressure seems to be turning the tide. Good news, it seems, for Roscoe “Gordon” Orman, Bob “Bob” McGrath, and Emilio “Luis” Delgado — the latter of whom says the show has reached out to them about possibly remaining. “Due to your overwhelming reaction regarding the status of myself and others on the show, the new producers of ‘Sesame Street’ have reached out to us,” the 76-year-old Delgado, who joined “Sesame Street” in 1971, says in a message to Fox News Latino. “[They have expressed a] desire to continue our longstanding relationship, to be initiated with a meeting in September.” Since the news broke and fans began expressing support for the three men who played some part in the childhoods of millions of people from 4 to 44, there has been a lot of finger pointing. The official Sesame Street account tweeted an attempt to calm down the masses, explaining that the actors would appear at an undetermined number of public events; HBO, fans were told, had nothing to do with the decision. PBS CEO Paula Kerger, meanwhile, told Variety that she hadn’t been consulted on the controversial move. “Hopefully, this [September meeting] will result in the inclusion of veteran cast members in upcoming productions,” says Delgado, speaking for his co-stars with remarks that make it sound like they want to continue filming episodes with Big Bird, Elmo, Cookie Monster, and the rest. “I look forward to sharing with you, at such time, the results of that conversation. Thanks again for your loving support and devotion to ‘Sesame Street’ and to what it has meant to the children of the world.” Let's hope there will be another 47 years of sunny days chasing the clouds away, with or without those cast members. And speaking of members,

Just one name to remember: Jill Stein

Walker caught 'em all

Some cosplayers want to try everything even though they could fail

THE BIG REVIEW: Pokemon Go

Weed in the Water

More extensive testing during the weekend proved the town water in Hugo, Colorado does not contain any THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, as was reported by public officials last week. A shed covering a town wellhead was broken into, but the Lincoln County Sheriff’s Department has not been able to determine when the break-in occurred and does not know who did it. Hugo residents were warned going into the weekend not to drink the town’s water because some tests showed the presence of THC in the water. Officials say those results were false positives. The warning was lifted on Saturday with a situation update that was posted on the sheriff’s Facebook page. Hugo, a town of 730, is located 110 miles southeast of Denver on the state’s Eastern Plains. Test kits that reported false positives are being returned to the manufacturer to determine why they were defective. “There never was THC in our water supply, “sheriff’s department Capt. Michael Yowell said. “We did get multiple tests showing the possibility of THC, but independent tests taken by different people at different times and places showed no evidence of THC.” Which is a shame, really, because weed would be a good addition to water. And it would be a good way to ramp up sales of food and reggae music.

I have just one thing to say about his campaign: you're fired!

And you wonder why America is behind the rest of the world

May the force be with you - and also with you

Her speech was 100% not original

The original is weak in this one

THE BIG REVIEW: Russian doping

Russia should be banned from Rio Olympics in the wake of a damning report from the World Anti-Doping Agency, says the head of High Performance Sport New Zealand Alex Bauman. The WADA report has detailed widespread state-sponsored doping and drug-test cheating, and the agency is now urging the International Olympic Committee to ban Russia from the Games. HPSNZ is the government funding arm for elite sport in New Zealand and Bauman, who was a double Olympic swimming champion for Canada during the East German state sponsored doping programme during the 1970's and 80's, says swift action needs to be taken. "There has to be a robust response - having been in sport and competed at a high level where there was sytematic doping I do feel personally there should be a ban," he said. The IOC though is in a difficult position in terms of looking at the collective responsibility of the country and the individual liability of the athletes, but ultimately we want to protect the international credibility of sport. And of course there will always be cheats - there will always be another Lance Armstrong or Ben Johnson who will get his moment at the expense of those who play fairly - but when it gets to the level of a state-run doping programme, it puts the credibility of international sport at stake.

This just makes English sound rather ghoti-y