Candyman, candyman, candyman!

That's right, today is Friday the 13th, and speaking of 13, a 13-year-old boy is in intensive care in Beijing after two immature bellends assaulted him by releasing compressed air into his body using a mechanical pump at an automobile repair shop. Chinese media reported that the boy, Du Chuanwang, who lives in Shandong Province on China's east coast, suffered from dozens of puncture wounds in his intestines and multiple organ failure. The boy helped out at the auto repair shop, where two co-workers allegedly inserted the nozzle of an air pump into his anus and filled his body with air. The suspects have been detained. Local police posted a message last week on Sina Weibo, China's microblogging site, saying that the two men pushed the boy to the ground during the attack, and that the incident was a prank. But still, this is just not on. Some pranks can land you in serious trouble, like in the fifth episode of Summer Heights High, when Jonah Takalua MMSed a picture of his buttocks to several teachers. He was lucky not to get expelled for that immature carry-on, and those two idiots would be similarly lucky to avoid jail time for their nonsense.