Monkey takes the testis

Before we start, today is the 500th anniversary of the Battle of Flodden, which was a conflict between the Kingdom of England and the Kingdom of Scotland. The battle was fought in the county of Northumberland in northern England on 9 September 1513, between an invading Scots army under King James IV and an English army commanded by the Earl of Surrey. It was an English victory. In terms of troop numbers, it was the largest battle fought between the two Kingdoms. James IV was killed in the battle, becoming the last monarch from the British Isles to suffer such a death. Speaking of death, every day the possibility of the US and France leading military action against Syria edges closer. If it happens, it will mark another twist in a long and complex relationship. Barack Obama and Francois Hollande were the only two leaders at the G20 meeting in Moscow committed to using force against Syria. They make a pretty unexpected coalition of the willing, when you remember the American anti-French backlash over Iraq a decade ago, when french fries were off the menu and French wine down the plug-hole. But there persisted a belief among some Americans that the French were too ready to give up without a fight, a sentiment that entered popular culture in a Simpsons episode in 1995 that characterised the French as "cheese-eating surrender monkeys". And speaking of monkeys, an eight month old baby is recovering in hospital after a monkey tore off one of his testicles before running away and eating it. The distressing attack took place at the Guiyang Qianling Wildlife Park in Guiyang, the capital of Guizhou province in Southwest China. The mother was changing her son's nappy when the animal attacked, ripping off the testicle before dropping it onto the ground. An elderly man then reportedly picked up the severed appendage but the monkey snatched it from his hand before scampering away and eating it. This is why we need to be more careful around creatures like monkeys. Next time, it could be one of your balls that gets torn off and eaten by a monkey.