Trial by Injection

The Bellend of the Month for March 2014 is Robert L. Henry, who was executed this month for killing two female co-workers this month by beating them with a hammer and setting them on fire during a robbery at their workplace. Henry was pronounced dead at 6:16 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time on the 20th after a lethal injection at the Florida State Prison. He was convicted of first-degree murder in the November 1987 deaths of Phyllis Harris and Janet Thermidor at a fabric store in Deerfield Beach. Authorities say about US$1,200 was taken in the robbery. Before the execution, Henry read a three-minute statement in which he apologized for his crimes and said he hoped his death would comfort the families of the victims. But he also criticized the death penalty, saying thieves don't get their hands amputated as punishment. "Why would we continue to be murderers to those who have murdered?" he said. Then, as he continued, an unidentified victim family member who was witnessing the execution said, "Die." The comment wasn't audible through the thick glass partition separating witnesses from the chamber. After the execution, Thermidor's sister, Deborah Knights, read a family statement. "We will always cherish the memory of her life that was taken too soon by a demon from hell," she said. "Today should be closure, but how can you forget the brutal way in which two lives were taken without remorse?" Right on, Deborah. In fact, how can anyone forget the brutal way in which those two lives, or any two for that matter, were taken without remorse? Seriously, people, crime doesn't pay. So don't make such a stupid mistake or else it could be you receiving a lethal injection one day.

Reds regaining their fire despite being lumbered with the brave little manager that couldn't

Manchester United roared back from conceding first to Aston Villa at Old Trafford this morning thanks to two goals by Wayne Rooney, Juan Mata's first goal for the club since his move from Chelsea, and Javier Hernandez's late effort. David Moyes' men made a disappointing start and fell behind when David De Gea was unable to keep out Ashley Westwood's powerful free-kick on 13 minutes. Yet Juan Mata and Shinji Kagawa switched positions regularly to good effect and both were involved in the move that led to the equaliser. Winning wasn't an issue for David Moyes this time around, but unfortunately discipline was as six players were yellow-carded.

The letter e

You can write it with one fluid swoop of a pen or one tap of the keyboard. The most commonly used letter in the English dictionary. Simple, right? Now imagine it printed out millions of times on thousands of forms and documents. Then think of how much ink would be needed. OK, so that may have been a first for you, but it came naturally to 14-year-old Suvir Mirchandani when he was trying to think of ways to cut waste and save money at his Pittsburgh-area middle school. It all started when he noticed he was getting a lot more handouts than he did in elementary school. Interested in applying computer science to promote environmental sustainability, Suvir decided he was going to figure out if there was a better way to minimize the constant flurry of paper and ink. Reducing paper use through recycling and dual-sided printing has been talked about before as a way to save money and conserve resources, but there has been less attention paid to the ink for which paper served as a canvas for history and algebra handouts. Ink is twice as expensive as French perfume by volume - Chanel No. 5 perfume costs US$38 per ounce, while the equivalent amount of Hewlett-Packard printer ink can cost up to US$75. So Suvir decided to focus his project on finding ways to cut down on the costly liquid. His solution - change the font to Garamond.

So how did he come to that conclusion? Here's how: collecting random samples of teachers' handouts, Suvir concentrated on the more commonly used characters (e, t, a, o, and r). First, he charted how often each character was used in four different typefaces: Garamond, Times New Roman, Century Gothic, and Comic Sans. Then he measured how much ink was used for each letter, using a commercial tool called APFill Ink Coverage Software. Next he enlarged the letters, printed them and cut them out on cardstock paper to weigh them to verify his findings. He did three trials for each letter, graphing the ink usage for each font. From this analysis, Suvir figured out that by using Garamond with its thinner strokes, his school district could reduce its ink consumption by 24%, and in turn save as much as US$21,000 annually. This is seriously worth considering, as this is money that could be put towards more sports equipment, more instruments for the music department, more props and costumes for performing arts, more art supplies, more desks, more textbooks, or maybe another teaching position in the district.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Cuban Fury

This movie was actually quite a good movie. It stars Nick Frost as Bruce Garrett, a natural born salsa dancer with fire in his heels and the world at his feet, who at the age of 13 was perfectly poised to clinch the title at the UK Junior Salsa Championships in 1987. But then a freakish bullying incident on the mean streets of London robs him of his sequins and his confidence, and our young hero finds his life diverted down a very different path. Despite such a not-so-funny beginning, it was one of the funniest British movies to have come out this year, and is one that I would certainly recommend in the face of "average reviews" on Metacritic. James Griffiths really pulled his weight as far as directing the film went. I just wish David Moyes could've shown the same initiative with Manchester United this season. For the good of the team and its fans, he needs to go, and hopefully be replaced with somebody who will pull his/her weight next season.

Caprock turning into Craprock over shaved hair

It was meant as a gesture of solidarity: a girl in Grand Junction, Colorado shaved her head to support her friend, who is battling cancer. However, family members say the girl's school didn't see it that way and said it violated the dress code policy. Now, what started as a simple gesture is turning into a battle over whether hair should matter in school. For the two girls on the playground, though, Monday afternoon was all about sharing fun in the sun and sporting matching bald heads. "It felt like the right thing to do," Kamryn Renfro said. With her parents' permission, Kamryn shaved her head in support of her cancer-stricken friend, 11-year-old Delaney Clements. She lost her hair because she is undergoing chemotherapy in her fight against neuroblastoma, a childhood cancer. Delaney loved what her friend did. "It made me feel very special and that I'm not alone," she said. However, when Kamryn tried to go back to school at Caprock Academy in Grand Junction this week, she wasn't allowed in. Turns out, having a shaved head is a violation of the school's dress code policy. The school said in a statement: "Caprock Academy does have a detailed dress code policy, which was created to promote safety, uniformity, and a non-distracting environment for the school's students. Under this policy, shaved heads are not permitted." Seriously, what sort of crap is this? They let Delaney go to school with no hair, so why not Kamryn? And besides, the hair will grow back. Imagine what it would take for a little girl to volunteer her locks, and then to be vilified by her school for an act that should be met with praise, all in the name of a dress code! Speaking of code, city government in Birmingham, Alabama has voted to adopt standards from the International Property Maintenance Code to update existing - and outdated - housing codes. The city currently uses building codes derived from the International Code Council's International Building Code. Many of the current standards for property maintenance in the city's array of housing ordinances were passed in the 1950s and 1960s, and are out of step with those modern building codes, causing conflicting or confusing problems. "Some of the thresholds of the current ordinances are more stringent than the technical codes," a release from the city states. "This causes a conflict when we approve building a structure one way, then require maintenance of a more stringent method."

Reds lose again, naturally

Manchester United fell to defeat in the derby at Old Trafford as Manchester City kept themselves very much in the hunt for the Barclays Premier League title. The Reds showed plenty of fight and endeavour this morning but lacked the necessary guile to break down a confident and free-flowing City side, who came away with the points (and two of the four yellow cards) thanks to goals from Edin Dzeko in either half and a late Yaya Toure strike. Dzeko stunned Old Trafford inside the first minute when he converted from close range after Samir Nasri’s low shot came back off the post, and he volleyed home his second from Nasri’s corner 10 minutes into the second half, before Toure netted a low effort at the death. Speaking of death, David Moyes (pictured) has committed murder over the course of the nine months he has spent at the club. He has destroyed a perfectly good team. At 3-0 Moyes does nothing. If that had been Ferguson he would have been screaming at his players to get the ball up the pitch. I don't understand why most fans still want to give this bellend anymore time. All I hear is give him time, but he hasn't done one positive thing. When Rodgers took over at Anfield, you could see they were trying to play good attacking football, but that wiener Moyes has such thick skin you will never get rid of him until he has destroyed the club. He wouldn't have survived at any other club, and I honestly think the only way the board is going to even consider sacking him is not by doing petitions and setting up Facebook groups (of which there are several - go over there and check some of them out), but by fans protesting outside Old Trafford and demanding he be fired immediately! He is destroying the club's history and reputation, and everything Fergie ever achieved, but he will not destroy our spirit. If you really care about the fate of Manchester United, you need to act now! And, I'm not meaning to quote Coldplay here, but nobody said it'd be easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Crashing a plane

Efforts to try to identify debris from Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 in the southern Indian Ocean are unlikely to start again for at least another 24 hours, Australian officials have stated, adding that gale-force winds, large waves, heavy rain, and low clouds forecast for the area would make a search dangerous. And, the task ahead of the multi-national team is formidable: a 5.6 million square km area in one of the remotest places on Earth. "We're not searching for a needle in a haystack," Mark Binskin, vice chief of the Australian Defence Force, told reporters. "We're still trying to find where the haystack is." They'd better find it soon because if they don't, those who boarded flight 370 will not see their families again, and said families will now have to live on without those they love. So they'd better find it.

Microsoft - now proudly brought to you by the NSA

Twenty-five years ago today, the oil tanker Exxon Valdez slammed into Bligh Reef and spilled more than 11 million gallons of crude oil into the cold, clear waters of Alaska's Prince William Sound - one of the "last best places" on Earth. The oil charged through the sound and out into the Gulf of Alaska, damaging more than 2100 km of some of the most remote, wild shoreline in America. This happened 25 years ago, so we might note the anniversary as we do any other historical event. That, however, would imply that the oil spill is over. It's not, and likely never will be. The sound's coastal ecosystem is still permanently damaged. Thousands of gallons of Exxon Valdez oil still pollute the beaches; this oil is still toxic and still hurting the ecosystem near the shore. But now onto a more current issue - Microsoft is defending its right to break into customers' accounts and read their emails. The company's ability - and willingness - to take such an approach became apparent this week. Microsoft admitted in federal court documents that it forced its way into a blogger's Hotmail account to track down and stop a potentially catastrophic leak of sensitive software. The company says its decision is justified. That's bollocks. They should be acting more like Google, who just beefed up the security of Gmail to make mass surveillance of its customers' email nearly impossible. It's not quite NSA-proof, but it's close. To accomplish the feat, Google secured how you connect to its servers. Gmail is now strictly using a secure communications protocol called HTTPS, which encrypts your email on its entire journey: from your computer to Google, between Google's servers, and from Google to the person receiving your email.

Rooney deals double trouble to West Ham

Wayne Rooney scored twice in the first half to help Manchester United to a comfortable 2-0 win over West Ham United at Upton Park this morning. It may look line David Moyes is finally pulling his weight, but there's still an 18-point gap between Man U and the top of the table. Even Moyes' old club, Everton, is doing better than the Reds. There is no way that Manchester United can overcome those obstacles in just eight games. And on-field conduct needs to improve too because three players got booked.

The Big Switch-Off

Before I start, I have more information about the Mork and Mindy reunion on The Crazy Ones on April 10: the episode in question will be called "Love Sucks", and in it, Simon's promising new relationship is tested when he becomes disillusioned with love after Gordon and his partner break up. Not only will Pam Dawber guest star as Simon's new love interest Lily, famous magician David Copperfield will guest star as himself. Pam was right when she said "I know it'll be a great week" and now I know it'll be a great week, what with Divergent, Muppets Most Wanted, and The Grand Budapest Hotel slated to hit New Zealand's movie screens that weekend. But there's something helpful you can say "nanu-nanu" to right now: an app that has the power to remotely control all devices when on campus. With it, educators will no longer have to compete with smartphones for a student's attention. That's right, folks. Say "nanu-nanu" to iSmartKeeper. With the help of iSmartKeeper, teachers in South Korea’s Gangwon province, where several schools are trialling the technology, can choose to manage their students’ cell phone usage in several different ways. They are able to lock all phones while in school, allow only emergency calls, allow only phone calls, or shut down all apps except certain educational tools. Using GPS geofencing technology, the app automatically takes control of phones as they enter school grounds. So far, the trials of the app have produced mixed results. Geofencing has misfired in at least one instance, keeping a student’s phone locked down for hours after leaving school. The app also only works on Android phones (which suck - seriously, look for the Apple logo when you get your next smartphone), and students have naturally found ways to bypass its restrictions (including but not limited to using a real operating system like iOS).

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: The 3D cinema of quite recently

Before I start on this, the first Film Beat to not focus on any one specific movie, I must congratulate Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber (pictured) on their 27th wedding anniversary today. If either you two are reading this, then happy anniversary, Mark and Mindy. Now back to the Film Beat. I am not doing this one about any one movie. Instead, I will instead focus it on three recent 3D movies I saw over the past week: 300: Rise of an Empire, Need for Speed, and Pompeii. All three really benefitted from the 3D, as will some of the blockbusters that are set to grace the movie screens of our planet over the coming months.

Guess who's back, back again? Flappy Bird's back, tell a friend!

Addictive mobile game Flappy Bird will return to Apple's app store, Dong Nguyen has confirmed - although he declined to give a specific date. On Twitter, a fan had asked if he was going to put the game back in the app store. "Yes. But not soon," the Vietnamese creator of Flappy Bird replied, later adding: "I don't work by plan. I will release it when it is done." Mr Nguyen removed the popular game last month, saying its popularity had ruined his "simple life". Big deal. I still have that app, and several knock-offs, on my iPhone and I don't intend on deleting them anytime soon. And besides, the comeback I'm looking forward to is when Pam Dawber appears on former onscreen husband Robin Williams' new show The Crazy Ones next month. Remember, guys, that episode is scheduled for April 10 at 9:30pm Eastern and Pacific (8:30pm Central and Mountain) on CBS in the United States and Citytv in Canada, and if you can't wait for it to air in your country, a download of that episode should be up on The Pirate Bay soon after it first airs.

Motor City revved up in court

A bond insurer on Monday struck a blow against Detroit’s proposal to exit bankruptcy, arguing in a new lawsuit that Detroit’s approach would illegally discriminate against the city’s third-biggest group of creditors — the investors who provided $1.4 billion for its workers’ pensions nearly a decade ago. Those investors bought “certificates of participation,” which were the first securities Detroit defaulted on as it prepared to file for bankruptcy last summer. The city now contends that the 2005 borrowing was a “sham transaction” and is proposing to give the investors who bought into it one of the lowest recovery rates in its bankruptcy. The insurer, the Financial Guaranty Insurance Company, said in its lawsuit that Detroit “seeks to turn a crooked eye to history.” It said the city had benefited greatly from the transaction but was now pretending to be “the innocent victim of fraud perpetrated on a grand scale.” They better fix this because the new lawsuit could have far-reaching consequences. It might lead to a bigger recovery for the investors who hold the certificates and smaller losses for Financial Guaranty and another insurer, Syncora, which insured them. But it might also lead to a fight to claw back the $1.4 billion from the city pension system, which would throw a wrench into Detroit’s efforts to cushion its workers and retirees from some of the pain as it attempts to resolve its outsized debts. The city's leaders are just as clueless as David Moyes when it comes to fixing up Detroit's financial quagmire. In fact, it should be known by all that Eminem and Pam Dawber are the only two people from Detroit who are of any worth to a modern, civilised society (and no, it's not because they're both white).

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: The Great Firewall of China

Therefore, Google has come up with a way to eventually render it useless: Google is encrypting searches in China in an attempt to prevent surveillance by state agencies and hackers. The search giant said that all text entered will be made indecipherable automatically, in a move that could render the "Great Firewall" - China's infamous internet censorship system - useless for tracing the activity of Google users. Encryption will prevent government censors from detecting when users enter sensitive search terms, such as "Tiananmen Square", but China could still choose to block the search engine altogether. When that happens, there is the possibility that another search engine will come to the rescue with the encryption technology, and China will have to block that site as well. Then from that point, China and western search engines will have to keep fighting the good fight until one side gives up.

Red card, things get hard

Liverpool completed a Barclays Premier League double over 10-man Manchester United this morning as two Steven Gerrard penalties and a Luis Suarez strike kept their title hopes alive at Old Trafford. The three goals confirmed the visitors’ superiority on an unhappy afternoon when there was no shortage of effort by the Reds, but a lack of cutting edge in the final third. In addition to five players receiving yellow cards, Nemanja Vidic was sent off for the fourth time against Liverpool after bringing down Daniel Sturridge in the box with 15 minutes left, but Gerrard missed the chance to complete his hat-trick when his penalty hit the post. But who is really to blame for the disappointing scoreline? I know now it's not just David Moyes. It's also his supporters and enablers. Sir Alex, if you're reading this, I have one thing to say to you: Please please stop supporting the worst manager ever. If you do, the only thing you'll manage is to destroy your legacy. We will never forget that YOU picked that bellend Moyes as your successor and YOU still support him. Why couldn't you have picked somebody of more value like one of these guys, preferably Jurgen Klopp?

C'est no car!

Alternative driving days are being introduced in the French capital, Paris, in an attempt to tackle dangerous levels of air pollution. From 5:30am Central European Time tomorrow, drivers will only be able to use their vehicles every other day. This is only the second time since 1997 that such a restriction has been enforced. The French government made the decision after air pollution exceeded safe levels for five days running in Paris and surrounding areas. Motorcycles will also be covered by the ban, which will allow only vehicles with number plates terminating in an uneven digit to take to the roads, beginning at 5:30am Central European Time tomorrow. It sounds like a good idea, but one must remember that just like when other places tried it, it is possible to game the system by having one vehicle to use on even-numbered days and one for odd-numbered days. With the second car, you can still drive every day, just not with the same car you had yesterday.

Chargin' Common Style!

The maddening scramble to find the right charger for your smartphone could soon be coming to an end, for European politicians have backed a regulation that will force smartphone makers to use just one type of charger. On Thursday, MEPs voted overwhelmingly in favour of the regulation, which will see a common charger used for smartphones by 2017. The regulation was drawn up to help consumers and to cut down on the amount of electronic waste. "This serves the interests both of consumers and the environment," said MEP Barbara Weiler in a statement. "It will put an end to charger clutter and 51,000 tonnes of electronic waste annually." The regulation is still only a draft law and must be approved by Europe's council of ministers. However, that body has already given its informal backing to the law, suggesting it will win final approval. Once that's done, European member states will have until 2016 to translate the regulation into national laws and manufacturers will then have 12 months to switch to the new design, which will use a Micro USB connector - a format used on many handsets and other devices already. But enough about that because Roger Federer has a simple message for those wanting to "revamp" tennis by allowing on-court coaches: he hopes he will have retired by then if it ever happens.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Vampire Academy

While this week's Film Beat entry may have received overall negative reviews (the film currently holds a 11% rating on Rotten Tomatoes based on 36 reviews), it didn't necessarily deserve such a bad reputation. There was a good amount of martial arts-style fighting scenes that, when taken on their own, would make any Chuck Norris film look like a typical episode of Peppa Pig, but the most unexpected part came at the end when Zoey Deutch's character said "all the same to you, buddy" and sounded like Pam Dawber while delivering that line. Speaking of which, it has been announced that Pam Dawber will appear on The Crazy Ones on April 10. The episode will air on CBS in the United States and on Citytv in Canada at 9:30pm Eastern and Pacific (8:30pm Central and Mountain). If you miss it, or if you're outside of the USA and Canada and can't wait for the Mork and Mindy reunion to air in your country, it should be up on The Pirate Bay soon after it airs.

This makes me feel sick

When an audience-member responded with disgust to an unexpected gay kiss at a London theatre last July, one of the play’s actors decided to take a stand against homophobia. A man in the second or third row tutted loudly and shouted out “this makes me feel sick” during a performance of The American Plan at the St James theatre on the 31st of that month. This is where our third Yogi Award for 2014 comes in: Mark Edel-Hunt was smarter than the average actor - he was “so angry” at the remark from the auditorium that he went backstage, located an eyebrow pencil and the biggest piece of cardboard he could find, and wrote: “Some people are gay. Get over it!” After the curtain went down, Mr Edel-Hunt took a chair and placed his message – a famous slogan from Britain’s LGBT rights campaigner Stonewall – in the middle of the stage. “I came off stage and I was so angry about it. That’s just not an acceptable thing to say,” Mr Edel-Hunt told The Independent. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t be allowed to say such things, freedom of speech, after all. But, that someone was prepared to open a dialogue like that, made me want to invite people to respond.” Putin, if you're reading this, please repeal that stupid gay propaganda legislation. It's a wonder Sochi still hosted last month's Winter Olympics despite the gay propaganda law and all the other problems surrounding the games. Some people are gay. Get over it. Oh, and withdraw your troops from the Ukraine.

Four Years a Blog

But our work is still not done, for we have a second Yogi Award to present: Tony Bolwell, who was smarter than the average noticer - in November, he noticed that a housing estate (pictured) in his hometown of Devizes in Wiltshire has been built in the shape of a swastika - the shape of the most hated symbol of the 20th century. The small estate was built in the 1950s or 60s and is named after a small town near Stuttgart. Waiblingen Way has an average house price of about £220,000 and the strangely-shaped block is at the end of a cul-de-sac. Wiltshire Council said it did not know who designed the homes, but whoever did it only designed them that way to rub salt in the wounds Hitler inflicted on several million people during World War II. Why else would anyone design a swastika-shaped home in a town twinned with one in Germany, so soon after the war?

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Banning guns

A showdown is developing between a sizable number of Connecticut state police officers and the politicians who passed into law highly restrictive gun control, gun bans, and bans on high capacity magazines. Gun rights legal expert and activist David Hardy reported on Friday that 250 law enforcement officers in Connecticut have signed an open letter stating that they will not enforce the new anti-gun and magazine laws, which they consider to be a violation of the Second Amendment to the US Constitution. But what isn't a violation of said clause, however, is our first Yogi Award winner for 2014: Makenzie Lawrey, a 9-year-old girl from Cape Coral, Florida who was smarter than the average kid - last month, she wrote a book about her younger brother in the hopes of raising a million dollars to help find a cure for his rare disease. The book, 'The Mighty Mito Superhero', is about six-year-old Gavin (pictured reading with his big sister) who suffers from Mitochondrial Disease, which does not have a cure. The disease, which leaves cells in the body unable to produce energy, means Gavin suffers seizures that leave him tired and unable to beat infections.

Hot Dog!

Sorry about the badly-timed pun, but here comes that time again - we've been online for four years, and as usual this time every year, we have some Yogi Awards to present to those smarter-than-the-average types that weren't mentioned over the past year. That starts tomorrow, but this year, we now have a brand new award called the Iyog, which will be given to those who were dumber than the average. Let's do it:

• Ephrian Myles for being dumber than the average boyfriend. He is accused of dousing his girlfriend's puppy with hot sauce while it was having a seizure, and is charged with animal cruelty. Myles allegedly drenched three-month-old Gizmo with the spicy condiment because he was annoyed that the dog was having a seizure and yelping in pain. After the sauce got into his eyes and mouth, the dachshund-Chihuahua mix struggled to breathe, its eyes were swollen shut, and its body became limp.
• CrossFit for being dumber than the average gym. A transgender woman named Chloie Jonnson is going to war with CrossFit, claiming the fitness titans refused to let her compete in the women's division at the upcoming CrossFit Games because she was born with a penis. She has filed a US$2,500,000 lawsuit, and in the lawsuit, she claims she underwent sex reassignment surgery in 2006 and is legally recognized as a woman by the State of California. But when Chloie asked the powers that be about competing in the Games with the ladies, she was shot down hard. CrossFit argues that "we have simply ruled that based upon [Chloie] being born as a male, she will need to compete in the Men's Division. The fundamental, ineluctable fact is that a male competitor who has a sex reassignment procedure still has a genetic makeup that confers a physical and physiological advantage over women. Our decision has nothing to do with 'ignorance' or being bigots -- it has to do with a very real understanding of the human genome, of fundamental biology, that you are either intentionally ignoring or missed in high school."
• The state of Georgia for being dumber than the average state. Georgia, with its tumultuous past of discrimination, is following Arizona's recently failed attempt to pass what amounts to anti-gay legislation with the Preservation of Religious Freedom Act. The state may shift from the cradle of the civil rights movement to the vanguard of legalized 21st-century bigotry with the consideration of legislation modeled on Arizona's, that if passed, would allow businesses to refuse service to gay and lesbian customers on the basis of alleged religious conviction. The measure, whose fringe supporters contend is couched in the First Amendment, would provide a legal avenue for business operators to ignore existing local nondiscrimination protections that even "indirectly inhibit" the "free exercise" of their faith. Like the controversial Arizona bill, this broadly written proposal has profound implications - not only for the aggrieved minority it would directly affect, but also for the social reputation of the state at large.

Baggies bagged out on home ground by Moyes' men

Manchester United rediscovered the old confidence, style, and swagger this morning in an excellent 3-0 win at The Hawthorns against West Brom, in a 90-minute affair that saw three yellow cards being shown. Phil Jones headed only his second Barclays Premier League goal for the club, before Wayne Rooney and substitute Danny Welbeck finished off incisive moves to lift the team into sixth in the table. But there are still some questions to be answered: could this be the first season since 1989-90 in which Ryan Giggs doesn't score at least one goal for the Reds? Can Moyes still finish in a respectable position and at least qualify for the Europa League if not the Champions League? Will he still be manager next season? If not, will his replacement do any better?

Upskirt photos AOK according to state judges

Massachusetts' highest court, the Supreme Judicial Court, ruled on Wednesday that a man who took cellphone photos up the skirts of women riding the Boston subway did not violate state law because the women were not nude or partially nude. "A female passenger on a MBTA trolley who is wearing a skirt, dress, or the like covering these parts of her body is not a person who is 'partially nude,' no matter what is or is not underneath the skirt by way of underwear or other clothing," the court said in its ruling, which overruled a lower court that had upheld charges against Michael Robertson, who was arrested in August 2010 by transit police who set up a sting after getting reports that he was using his cellphone to take photos and video up female riders' skirts and dresses. The ruling immediately prompted top Beacon Hill lawmakers to pledge to update state law, and it's about time because who knows what sort of lewd or otherwise undesirable conduct one could get away with on such technicalities - what if, for instance, something really gross like jacking off in front of children was allowed in [insert jurisdiction here] because of a loophole like the one that Massachusetts lawmakers wish to close? In fact, they should review ALL state laws and tighten them up to prevent any further situations like this one.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Non-Stop

This movie was one of Liam Neeson's best efforts so far in his career. Critical response hasn't all been positive (on film aggregation website Rotten Tomatoes, it has a 59% rating, with an average critics score of 5.8/10, based on reviews from 174 critics, and on another aggregation website, Metacritic, it holds a 56/100 score - indicating "mixed or average reviews" - based on reviews from 40 critics) but this latest Film Beat entry definitely gets my seal of approval. This is one you guys need to see and then you can draw up your own conclusions afterwards.

Everybody likes Cristal, layback, diamonds on your timepiece

A stag night request has landed a Dunedin duty bar manager in trouble with police. Craft Bar duty manager Michael Campbell (pictured) was photographed pouring Baileys Irish Cream liqueur straight from the bottle into the mouth of a patron, who was draped backwards across the bar, at the premises in February. The act is commonly known as a layback. The photo was published on the internet under the heading "STAG NIGHT 3rd of Feb, Dunedin" and was discovered by Dunedin authorities, who have subsequently opposed Mr Campbell's application to renew his manager's certificate. I realise the patron in question was getting married in the near future but this is still inappropriate considering Campbell's position as a duty manager. He of all people should not be allowing people to become intoxicated on their premises. But enough about that because today is the 50th anniversary of the day a Cassius Marcellus Clay changed his name to Muhammad Ali. He is generally considered among the greatest heavyweights in the sport's history, except for a few years in which he did not fight as he was denied a boxing license in every state and stripped of his passport after he refused to be inducted into the armed forces, stating publicly that "no Vietcong ever called [him] [the N-word]." As a result, he did not fight from March 1967 to October 1970 — from ages 25 to almost 29 — as his case worked its way through the appeal process. In 1971, the US Supreme Court overturned his conviction in a unanimous 8-0 ruling (could've been 9-0 had Thurgood Marshall not abstained from the case). During this time of inactivity, as opposition to the Vietnam War began to grow and Ali's stance gained sympathy, he spoke at colleges across the nation, criticised the Vietnam War, and advocated African American pride and racial justice.

BP resume paying the price for oil spill

A US federal court has rejected BP's efforts to halt payments relating to the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. The Fifth Circuit Court also said an earlier injunction stopping payments to claimants should be lifted. BP had argued that some firms filed fictitious spill claims. However, "the settlement agreement does not require a claimant to submit evidence that the claim arose as a result of the oil spill," wrote the court in its verdict. The firm initially estimated the spill settlement would cost US$7.8bn, but later revised that figure upwards to US$9.2bn once the full scope of the claimants became apparent. BP has said that an adverse ruling could push that figure even higher. It serves those bellends right. BP are responsible for a huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and they should be made to suffer the consequences. They deserve what's coming to them for what their recklessness did to marine life, including but not limited to this pelican (pictured). In fact, Big Oil as a whole needs to be put in its place once and for all, and so does David Moyes. Here's why:

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Having a boastful daughter

The former head of a private preparatory school in Miami, Florida is out an US$80,000 discrimination settlement after his daughter boasted about it on Facebook. Patrick Snay, the former head of Gulliver Preparatory School who is now 69, filed an age discrimination complaint when his 2010-11 contract wasn't renewed. In November 2011, the school and Snay came to an agreement in which Snay would be paid $10,000 in back pay, and an $80,000 settlement. Gulliver Schools also agreed to cut Snay's attorneys a check for $60,000. But before the ink could dry on the deal, Snay's daughter took to Facebook, boasting, "Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver. Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT." So where did Snay go wrong? A confidentiality agreement stated that neither Snay nor his wife could speak about the settlement to anyone except for his attorneys and other professional advisers. Snay violated the agreement by doing exactly what he had promised not to do. His daughter then did precisely what the confidentiality agreement was designed to prevent, advertising to the Gulliver community that Snay had been successful in his age discrimination and retaliation case against the school. She shouldn't have posted that on Facebook, but then again, he shouldn't have told her about the judgement. He could've told me instead - I would've shown more restraint instead of posting SUCK IT on Facebook.

Gravity scores big but doesn't quite reach the top

2014 is two months in and is already the second consecutive year the best director and best picture Oscar have been awarded to different films. Apart from being the force that keeps us on the ground, Gravity has lived up to its name in that it didn't quite win the top prize at the 86th Academy Awards. Instead, historical drama 12 Years a Slave was best picture, while space drama Gravity still won the lion's share of awards, and its director Alfonso Cuaron became the first Latino to win the best director award, adding to the film's six Oscars for technical achievement. And neither movie got best actor or actress - Cate Blanchett was named best actress for her portrayal of the heroine in Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine, and Matthew McConaughey won the best actor Oscar for Dallas Buyers Club. All up, the big winners are Gravity with 7 awards, 12 Years a Slave and Dallas Buyers Club each with 3 awards, Frozen and The Great Gatsby each with 2 awards, and Blue Jasmine and Her each only picked up 1 award. But there were no awards for David O Russell's American Hustle, which had 10 nominations, including nods in all the acting categories. Nor were there any awards for Martin Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street. But enough about that because Alisa and Lysandra Fraser have unleashed an f-bomb spray at The Block: Fans v Faves judge Shaynna Blaze after getting their worst-ever result on the Nine Network reality show. The Adelaide twins, who won last year’s The Block: Sky High, accused Blaze of unfair scoring and threatened to walk out of Nine’s renovation program. The expletive-filled outburst came after Blaze scored Alisa and Lysandra’s main bathroom a paltry 5 out of 10. Fellow judges Darren Palmer (six-and-a-half) and Neale Whittaker (7) were more generous. Salt was rubbed into the twins’ wounds as they witnessed rival contestants Kyal and Kara grab three perfect tens from the judges. Brad and Dale scored 24-and-a-half and Chantelle and Steve 21. Alisa and Lysandra were in tears and stormed out of The Block headquarters after the results were announced. “That’s bull***t,” the pair said. “It’s so f***ing obvious what’s happening and it’s not fair. She’s (Blaze) got it in for us. We should never have come on this show. I’m f***ing sick of it. Enough is enough. If you’re going to be like this then we may as well go home.” They should go home if they're going to be so negative towards the judges. The judges are doing the best they can, especially because they're not David Moyes.

This phone will self-destruct in ten seconds

Boeing is set to debut the smartphone every "Mission Impossible" fan would love to have - a new secure phone for government agencies and defense contractors that will self-destruct if it's tampered with. It just won't be won't be quite as dramatic as the old television show. There won't be any smoke or explosions, but the contents of the device will be completely erased. "Any attempt to break open the casing of the device would trigger functions that would delete the data and software contained within the device and make the device inoperable," explained a company filing with the Federal Communications Commission. The company is giving few details about the phone, which will be called "Boeing Black." Pricing and an exact release date have yet to be disclosed, though it is expected to be out by this summer. Even then, don't expect to be able to buy it at your local electronics store because this baby is geared towards defense and security customers. But enough about that because the hugely popular block-building game Minecraft could soon be turned into a film. Minecraft creator Markus Persson revealed this week that the game's maker was talking to Warner Brothers about the project. Mr Persson said he revealed the news to thwart someone else who was trying to leak information about the deal. Movie news site Deadline reported the one of the producers of the recent Lego Movie is handling the project. Warner was planning to turn a "live action" version of the game into a film, said Deadline. Work on the film is at a very early stage as Warner only recently acquired the rights to use Minecraft's iconic blocks, characters, and monsters. And if the movie turns a good enough profit, it will most certainly be one worth seeing. Not worth seeing, however, is the British Museum's Vikings exhibition, and surprise surprise - it has been announced that a live show offering a guided tour of the exhibition is to be screened in cinemas. The event, on 24 April, will give a close-up view of Norse treasures featuring in the display, which opens on 6 March in London. Vikings Live will include a torch-lit ship burial in the museum's forecourt. The worldwide screening follows last year's Pompeii Live, which took £471,000 at the UK box office alone (which is still a lot less than many of the big blockbusters of 2013). The one-off event, focusing on the museum's exhibition about the volcano-stricken Roman city, made number 10 in the weekly film chart. British Museum director Neil MacGregor said the Vikings event would build on that success, going to 380 UK cinemas and some 50 countries around the world. "We're going to reach an even larger public," he said, adding the "worldwide opportunity to see what goes on here through cinema is very important". Seriously, don't do it. Museums are boring as, so don't subject yourself to that crap. If you had a choice between that and a Justin Bieber concert, please PLEASE choose the Justin Bieber concert, and even then, wear earmuffs throughout the show so you don't have to listen to what is essentially Elmo on helium.

Couple print themselves in the naughty corner

Madeleine Webster, an NHS administrator from Liverpool, was jailed yesterday after she spent years defrauding her own department by buying £160,000 of printer cartridges with public money before selling them on eBay. The money she and her husband Stephen took from the NHS would have funded six full-time nursing posts, but no, the couple just had to buy and resell those cartridges - and they made around a £90,000 profit from the sales, using the money to fund holidays and buy luxurious items. Webster and her husband were sentenced to a total of 39 months in jail, with the wife getting 26 and the husband getting 13. Steve McNally, prosecuting, told the Liverpool Crown Court how her plot was uncovered 'quite by chance' when she sent an email to friend and colleague Debbie Brown which linked to her eBay account. Her account contained a lot of references to printer ink cartridges being sold and positive feedback from buyers. Mr McNally said 'having seen those references, Ms Brown became concerned because she could recall several occasions when there had been a lot of ink cartridges at their office which had either not been required or had been placed for use in printers they did not even have.' Webster's boss Bernadine Lynam also recalled occasions she had been working late and saw the couple removing items from the office via the fire door. Mr McNally said of those occasions 'when asked about what was happening at the time, she'd given accounts about correcting mistaken deliveries and the like herself, to minimise inconvenience to others. Mrs Lynam had taken that to be commendable and beyond the call of duty. With hindsight, those incidents take on a very different presentation.' Of course they do. In fact, this is beyond corrupt. You can't just take public money that you've been entrusted with and use it for your own selfish and corrupt ends. Otherwise, you too could be in jail during all the great stuff still to come this year alone, including but not limited to Pam Dawber working with Robin Williams for the first time in 32 years, Brazil hosting South America's first World Cup since 1978 (which coincidentally was the year Dawber first worked with Robin Williams), Glasgow hosting Scotland's first Commonwealth Games since 1986 (which coincidentally was the year Dawber's second television series My Sister Sam premiered on CBS), and Gangnam Style hopefully reaching two billion views.