One Angry Man, Canadian Style

The Bellend of the Month for June 2014 is Daniel Evens, who left Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper a threatening voice mail which included a return name and number. Doing so has landed the Calgarian (resident of Calgary) the equivalent of a six-month jail term. Evans was also placed on probation for a year, after pleading guilty to a March 12 charge of uttering threats. Crown prosecutor Steve Johnston told provincial court Judge Joanne Durant that Evans left the threatening message on Harper’s constituency office phone. In it, a drunken Evans asks — in often vulgar language — to have Harper call him back. “If you can get the d--- weed to phone me I’d like to tell him I’ll straighten our government out,” Johnston quoted from a transcript of Evans’ call. “You guys suck,” Evans said. “I’m not a voting P.C. no more.” But after expressing his political displeasure, Evans became threatening, Johnston told Durant. “Phone me back otherwise somebody needs to shoot the mother f----- in the head and I mean Harper and I’m willin’ to do it,” he said. “I’ll buy a silencer and blow (his) head off myself. Nobody in Canada wants to try and do it well, do you remember J.F. Kennedy in the States, well that can happen to Harper,” he said, of the assassinated U.S. president. Evans then reiterated his wish to speak to Harper directly. “If he doesn’t answer me and straighten up his act I’m gonna put a bullet through the prime minister’s head,” he said. And he concluded with a message that at least someone should call him back. “If you want the Prime Minister safe, you phone me,” Evans said. “Otherwise if you don’t I’m gonna eliminate him. Bye.” With enhanced credit for time in remand, Johnston said the offender had served the equivalent of a six-month sentence, which is the term he would have sought. A condition of Evans’ probation is that he have no contact with the prime minister, or anyone in Harper’s family. If you're going to make those kinds of threats, at the very least don't leave contact details in your message. Even then, it will eventually be traced back to you, so it's best not to do it.

Bridge of Death to become Bridge of Net

After decades of delays, San Francisco's historic Golden Gate Bridge - the second-most popular bridge for suicide in the world - is set to receive mesh barriers. “It has been an uphill fight," said state assemblyman Tom Ammiano, who has fought for over a decade to secure funding for the barrier. “But here we are, almost shovel ready.” The project will cost US$76 million to complete. Of that amount, $7 million will come from a state tax enacted by voters on those who make more than $1 million a year, and is earmarked for mental-health services. The rest will be paid for with federal funds that recently became available and local money from the bridge district. The plan to create suicide barriers on the bridge, where 1,600 people have leapt to their deaths since the span opened in 1937, was a subject of controversy for decades, with opponents arguing the mesh would mar the structure's beauty. In 2008, the bridge's board voted to install a stainless steel net, rejecting other options, including raising the 4-foot-high railings and leaving the world-renown span unchanged. Two years later, they certified the final environmental impact report for the net, which would stretch about 20 feet wide on each side of the span. Officials said it would not mar the landmark bridge's appearance. But funding for the project remained a major obstacle until two years ago when President Barack Obama signed into law a bill making safety barriers and nets eligible for federal funds. Some of the money still requires additional approval, but the bridge's board has now taken its final step in adopting the net. They'd better install the net soon, because last year, 48 people jumped to their deaths from the bridge, which hovers high above San Francisco Bay and connects the city of San Francisco with suburban Marin County. The Golden Gate is the second-most popular bridge for suicide in the world, after China's Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge, which should also look at installing a net of its own.

Out goes the nanny

Ralph and Marcella Bracamonte's California home has become their personal hell. They fired their live-in nanny this month, but the woman - Diane Stretton - has refused to move out, and the couple has little legal recourse to evict her. "I fired her June 6 and she refused to leave, saying she had rights and I needed to evict her," Marcella Bracamonte told CNN. "She quit working about a month before I ever fired her - she would just stay in her room." How bad did it get? "She threatened to sue me after I didn't turn the air conditioner on," Bracamonte said, adding that Stretton "wrote me this long letter with all her terms and what she wanted - she wanted my family out of our home for certain hours everyday - it was crazy." It's more than just "crazy". What if the nanny was doing something rather unethical during those "certain hours" like running up the phone bill or pleasuring herself to photos of the Bracamontes' children? All that will soon be over because the family is working its way through the legal eviction process and while their case moves through the courts, the family has turned to social media for help. But why not change the locks and refuse to allow Stretton in the home in the meantime, or better yet get a gun and put her out of her misery? Because their social media campaign appears to be working, as Marcella said Stretton hasn't come back to the home since Thursday morning around 5am (Pacific Daylight Time).

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Words and Pictures

This movie, featuring a war between two teachers as to which of words or pictures was more important, was just brilliant. However, there was one wasted opportunity for a comedic moment: in a scene early on where the art teacher was trying to silence her class, she could've picked up a nearby stool and thrown it at the wall while shouting "SHUT THE F*** UP" just like the Mr Joseph character did in an episode of Jonah from Tonga. But overall, the movie served an entertaining New York steak (borrowing from an analogy used in the film when the English teacher was criticising a student's choice of words). So go see it.

Suarez Pac-Man Style!

Just like after Zinedine Zidane headbutted Marco Materazzi in extra time during the final of the 2006 tournament in Germany, someone made a game starring Luis Suarez, who bit Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini during the second half of Wednesday’s Group D game. The internet has been in fine form since, with the latest bite-related creation being a Pac-Man game starring Luis Suarez chomping down on Chiellini heads while referees holding red cards chase him around. If you grab the sunglasses, the refs also become edible, just like when the ghosts turn blue in regular Pac-Man. To play it, click here. To play the Zidane headbutt game, click here.

Bite causes striker to strike out

Uruguay striker Luis Suarez faces a lengthy ban that would force him to miss the rest of the World Cup if found guilty of biting Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini. Fifa, football's governing body, has opened disciplinary proceedings against the striker following Uruguay's 1-0 group win. Chiellini claimed Suarez, who was suspended for biting in 2010 while at Ajax and in 2013 during Sir Alex's last match against Chelsea, bit him on the left shoulder, but Suarez said the defender "bumped" into him. Mexican referee Marco Rodriguez took no action following the incident, but Fifa can still punish Suarez, who and could be banned for up to 24 matches or two years. Seriously, guys. Biting is for pre-school, not a soccer field. Fifa will want to deal with this quickly so attention can once again return to matters on the pitch. Given that spitting at an opponent carries a minimum tariff of six games, you would expect biting to carry a longer ban for Suarez (if found guilty, of course). That gives you the benchmark many people are working on, and would mean his World Cup would be over. And it would serve him right too.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Not ordaining women

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has excommunicated a prominent backer of ordination of women priests. Kate Kelly, founder of Ordain Women, was notified of the ruling yesterday, a day after a trial by an all-male panel of judges in the Mormon Church. The group said the Mormon Church hierarchy deemed her an apostate for her contravention of Church doctrine. The Utah-based Mormon religion boasts more than 15 million members worldwide. According to a letter informing her of her excommunication obtained by the Deseret News, a leading Utah newspaper, Ms Kelly will be barred from some acts of church worship for at least a year. "You are entitled to your views, but you are not entitled to promote them and proselyte others to them while remaining in full fellowship in the Church," wrote Bishop Mark Harrison of Virginia, adding that she can be readmitted to the fold if she shows "true repentance", including ceasing "teachings and actions that undermine the Church, its leaders, and the doctrine of the priesthood", the last-named of which holds that only men can be ordained into the priesthood. This is wrong and chauvinistic. Having a vagina instead of a penis does not make you any less capable of doing the job. And besides, other Christian denominations are ordaining women to their priesthoods or equivalent. Mormon Church, if you're reading this, you should re-admit Kate Kelly to the fold and join us sensible people in the 21st century. We have donuts. Wrapped in bacon.

Parent trapped on the Hindes legs of society

A Michigan judge has issued an impossible order to a deployed sailor: appear in court today or face arrest and the possibility of losing custody of his six-year-old daughter. The sailor, Matthew Hindes, is currently serving on the USS Michigan under the Pacific Ocean, so there is no way he can appear in court. And before you suggest services like Skype, Hindes is not even allowed to attend by Skype or phone, only in person. “He’s protecting the rights of others, but who is protecting his rights?” Hindes’ wife Benita-Lynn told media. Hindes was awarded custody in 2010, after his daughter Kaylee was removed from the home of his ex-wife, Angela, by child protective services. While the sailor is deployed, Kaylee has been under the care of the daughter’s step-mother Benita-Lynn. Because Hindes left his daughter in the care of his wife instead of leaving her with the mother, the judge has refused to issue a stay under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act, which allows courts to “grant a stay of proceedings for a minimum period of 90 days to defendants serving their country.” Circuit Court Judge Margaret Noe disagreed with Hindes’ lawyers request for relief, saying, “If the child is not in the care and custody of the father, the child should be in the care and custody of the mother.” That doesn't make sense. If child services removed the child from the mother's custody, I'm sure there was a good reason for doing so, and that they were acting in the best interests of the child. Just because the father is deployed overseas and possibly fighting in a war the child didn't start is no excuse for demanding she stay with a potentially unfit mother, especially when there's a step-parent who can look after her.

Three faiths to a building

Berlin thinks it is making religious history as Muslims, Jews, and Christians join hands to build a place where they can all worship. The House of One, as it is being called, will be a synagogue, a church, and a mosque under one roof. An architecture competition was held and a winner chosen - the striking design being a brick building with a tall, square central tower. Off the courtyard will be the houses of worship for the three faiths - a synagogue, a church, and a mosque - and each of the three areas in the House will be the same size, but of a different shape designed according to the religious needs and particularities of each faith. There are for instance two levels in the mosque and the synagogue but only one in the church. There will be an organ in the church and places to wash feet in the mosque. The complex is to occupy a prominent site - Petriplatz - in the heart of Berlin. The location is highly significant, according to one of the three religious leaders involved, for the city where Jewish suffering was planned is now the city where a centre is being built by the three monotheistic religions which shaped European culture. But enough about that because speaking of culture, a weakness in the defences of "superbug" bacteria has been uncovered by British scientists, raising the prospect of new treatments to tackle infections that are resistant to antibiotics. The researchers have identified a weakness affecting the membrane barrier that surrounds some of the most drug-resistant bacterial cells. The discovery, reported in the journal Nature, may pave the way to a new generation of drugs that work by bringing down the defensive wall. At the heart of their findings is the way "gram negative" bacterial cells transport the barrier's molecular "bricks". Professor Changjiang Dong, from the University of East Anglia's (UEA) Norwich Medical School, said: "We have identified the path and gate used by the bacteria to transport the barrier building blocks to the outer surface. Importantly we have demonstrated that the bacteria would die if the gate is locked. This is really important because drug-resistant bacteria is a global health problem. Many current antibiotics are becoming useless, causing hundreds of thousands of deaths each year. The number of superbugs are increasing at an unexpected rate. This research provides the platform for urgently needed new-generation drugs." There will be an obvious risk with this new development: the bacteria will in time realise what's going on and from there adapt to survive, requiring us to go further just to stay on top of the bacteria, which is already important as the rise of resistant bacteria around the world poses a global threat greater than that of climate change. Bugs such as MRSA (methicillin resistant Staphylococcus aureus) are becoming increasingly immune even to antibiotics that are the last resort in treatment, adding risk to operations and procedures that should be routine.

Yo it's the iWatch!

Yo, the messaging app so simple it just says “Yo”, has soared past Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat to become the fifth most popular app in the US Apple app store in the last week, grabbing the attention of venture capitalists, hackers, and comedians. The app – where users press on a contact’s name to send a “yo!” - has become the talk of Silicon Valley as it takes mobile messaging to its logical, minimalist extreme. Almost 4m of the messages were sent in one day on Thursday. The recipient gets a notification that says “yo!” and who it is from. One Yo! account promises to notify a user whenever a goal is scored in the World Cup. Some say this is the stupidest app ever made, and many in the technology industry have echoed that sentiment with people taking to Twitter to deride the app, and in particular share their worries that it was able to raise so much money. The app even made it on to The Colbert Report (pronounced col-BEAR re-POR as if it were French), a popular nightly US comedy programme, where it was mocked for “boiling down all of communication to two letters” with host Stephen Colbert asking, “Y?” But there is a fascinating aspect lots of people are missing: Yo is an instance of ‘one-bit communication’ – a message with no content other than the fact that it exists. Yes or no. Yo or no yo. And watch or no watch, as after years of speculation, Apple looks set to finally enter the world of wearable tech as production is rumoured to begin on its iWatch next month. Numerous sources close to the matter have said the Californian company's much-rumoured first smartwatch, dubbed the iWatch by fans, will sport a 2.5-inch arched rectangular display supplied by LG. The device is said to contain more than 10 sensors for purposes including monitoring the user's pulse, and will need to be paired with an iPhone in order to send messages and voice chat with others. The iOS-compatible-only smartwatch is currently in trial production at Taiwanese manufacturer Quanta Computer Inc ahead of mass production starting next month and a potential October launch date, it has been alleged. While Quanta is expected be the main manufacturer, Singaporean sensor maker Heptagon is also said to appear on a list of suppliers.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Blended

This is clearly Adam Sandler's best work. He and Drew Barrymore really pulled it together. Critical reception hasn't been good, though - on Rotten Tomatoes, it holds a 14% rating based on 120 critics, with the consensus: "Lurching between slapstick and schmaltz without showing much of a commitment to either, Blended commits the rare Sandler sin of provoking little more than boredom", and on Metacritic, the film has a score of 31 out of 100, based on 32 reviews, indicating "generally unfavorable reviews". Go see it and form your own opinion about it.

Amazon on Fire

Amazon entered the smartphone business yesterday, and made a big splash doing it. At an event in Seattle, the retail giant unveiled the Fire Phone, a high-end, 3-D smartphone. It is the first smartphone Amazon has produced on its own. "Can we build a better phone for our most engaged customers?" asked Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos at the event. "Can we build a better phone for Amazon Prime members? Well, I'm excited to tell you that the answer is yes." Here's what all the hype is about:

• Display: The Fire Phone has a 3-D, 4.7-inch high-definition display. It uses infrared lights and cameras mounted on the phone's surface to track a user's head movements and render images accordingly.
• Camera: The Fire Phone has a lightning-fast quad-core 2.2 GHz processor, 2 GB of RAM, and a 13 Megapixel camera. The camera comes with an optical image-stabilization feature, letting the shutter stay open four-times longer than most cameras to counteract hand tremors when taking photos. A special button on the side launches the camera and takes photos - rather than having to go into the phone to open the camera feature.
• Firefly: Amazon's "Firefly" feature uses the camera to recognize physical objects - books, video games, food, household products, and other items - and gives you the option to buy all that stuff instantly on Amazon. Firefly can also listen to songs a la Shazam. Like with the camera, there's also a dedicated Firefly button on the side of the Fire Phone.
• Media: Media consumption, unsurprisingly for an Amazon devce, is the Fire Phone's focal point. The second screen feature can fling videos to Amazon's Fire TV or any Mirrorcast-enabled device. An "X-ray" feature provides details about what you're watching, and Amazon's "ASAP" tool uses predictive software to caching videos it thinks you will watch - and make them immediately available for streaming. Amazon said competitors will be included in those tools as well, including Netflix, HBOGo, and ESPN.
• Other stuff: Amazon's Mayday customer service feature, already in use on tablets, will also be available on the Fire Phone. It includes 24/7 access to tech support in 15 seconds or less. Amazon's smartphone also features dual stereo speakers, with premium earbuds included. It includes aluminum buttons and steel connectors. The Fire Phone will cost $199 with a two-year contract, available exclusively on AT&T's network for the time being. It is currently available for pre-order on Amazon's website, and it will begin shipping on July 25. The phone will also come with a year of Amazon Prime included for both new and existing members, as a limited time offer.

Beat that, iOS and Android-based phones.

Straight Outta Coma

Former F1 driver Michael Schumacher is no longer in a coma and has been transferred from a hospital in Grenoble (host of the 1968 Winter Olympics), where he had been admitted after a skiing accident last year, his management has said in a statement. He will continue his recovery at the University hospital in Lausanne, Switzerland. Officials there confirmed that Schumacher was admitted, but gave no further details about his treatment. The seven-time world champion suffered severe head trauma in a skiing accident at the French Alps resort of Meribel on December 29, and has been treated in Grenoble since his accident. The five and a half months he spent in a coma should serve as a warning to anyone who still thinks it's a good idea to ski off-piste. Just don't do it otherwise you're going to have a bad time.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Xbox One's ad campaign

Xbox One owners are complaining that a new TV advert is switching their consoles on without their permission. The ad - featuring Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul - has the actor say "Xbox On" near its start. The instruction appears to trigger the machine's Kinect voice/motion sensor, activating the console. A spokesman for the firm said it had no comment at this time, but noted that previous ads had also featured voice commands - for instance, in November Xbox One owner Tim Kimberl posted a video to YouTube showing that an internet ad that featured the command "Xbox go to Dead Rising 3" launched the game on his system. Many people have posted comments about the problem on social media sites. "Aaron Paul just turned my Xbox One via the Xbox advert. (Which triggered the IR [infrared] blaster to switch my TV off..)" tweeted Qassim Farid, a UK-based tech blogger. Chesterfield-based Tom Neal wrote: "@Xbox your new TV advert is annoying the hell outta me. Aaron Paul keeps turning my console on… #stooooop". The effect has also been noted on news discussion site Reddit's Xbox section, with one commentator writing: "Damn commercial keeps turning on my xbox! Lol". Affected users do have the ability to turn off the Kinect sensor, which prevents the console responding to voice commands, but Microsoft, if you're reading this, STOP IT. It's bad enough your computer operating system is nowhere near as good as Apple's, but your Xbox One ad campaigns are making life difficult for Xbox One owners. Remember the episode of 30 Rock where a voice-controlled television went haywire when on-screen characters mentioned its trigger words?

Kentucky Fried Turnaway

The outrage came hard and fast after a 3-year-old girl badly scarred and wearing an eye patch because of a pit bull attack was apparently asked to leave a KFC restaurant because her appearance upset other customers. The girl, Victoria Wilcher (picture 1), was mauled by three pit bulls a few months ago, causing her to need regular medical treatment. After a doctor's visit last week, grandmother Kelly Mullins took the child to a KFC in Jackson, Mississippi. "I ordered a large sweet tea and her some mashed potatoes and gravy because she was hungry," Mullins told CNN affiliate WAPT. "She was on a feeding tube at the time, but I figured she could just swallow (the potatoes). They just told us, they said, 'We have to ask you to leave because her face is disrupting our customers.' (Victoria) understood exactly what they said." Victoria cried all the way home. "She's got a lot of surgeries to go through and she won't even look in the mirror anymore," Mullins told WAPT. "When we go to a store, she doesn't even want to get out (of the car). She's 3 years old and she's embarrassed about what she looks like. She's embarrassed and I hate it because she shouldn't be. It ain't her fault." Not cool, KFC. You should be lucky that wasn't my niece (picture 2) you turned away on such a lame excuse otherwise you would have me to deal with.

Miley Bieber Style

She's at it again. After earlier posting sexy photos of herself half-naked (picture 1), Miley Cyrus has now posted snaps looking like Justin Bieber (picture 2). The controversial singer is pictured sitting on a balcony with her head slightly stooped - Bieber-style - and sporting his former floppy hairstyle. She also shows of the tattoos on her forearms in the snaps, perhaps mimicking his growing tattoo collection? She captioned one of the snaps: "lookinlikebieber." That's just stupid. Nobody should want to look like Justin Bieber. He is a douche and so is anyone that likes his horrible music. His songs should only be used at Guantanamo as a humane alternative to waterboarding. If you want real music, Gangnam Style is where it's at - it has twice as many views on YouTube, and was able to get its first billion in the space of just over five months. And as for wanting to look like Bieber, Miley should just stick to twerking.

The spray shall keep them away

Now you see it, now you don't - that's the logic behind a vanishing spray being used at this year's World Cup in Brazil. The spray is called 9:15 Fairplay, 9:15 being the metric equivalent of 10 yards (9.15 meters). It's already been used in games the past several years by Major League Soccer, and if you watched Thursday's (Friday depending on which time zone you're in) opening Brazil-Croatia match, you may have seen it: before a free kick in the first half, a referee pulled a spray can out of a holster and squirted a white line on the field. No, the World Cup refs aren't wannabe graffiti artists. For the first time, FIFA referees are using 9:15 Fairplay to paint a temporary white line 10 yards from the free kick spot, marking the safe area into which opposing players cannot encroach. The spray disappears after one minute. This, although somewhat awkward to watch, addresses a problem for referees and players alike: although they're supposed to remain 10 yards away, opposing players have frequently crept closer to the free-kick taker in an effort to disrupt the kick, starting countless arguments about fairness. The vanishing spray, which was an immediate hit Thursday on Twitter, is the brainchild of Argentinian journalist and entrepreneur Pablo Silva. "It started seven or eight years ago when I was playing in a championship played amongst former school members," Silva told Reuters. "In the 88th minute, we were losing 1-0 and won a free kick on the edge of the area. When I took the kick, the wall (of opposing players) was three meters away. The referee didn't book anyone and didn't do anything. We lost the game and driving home later, with a mixture of anger and bitterness, I thought that we must invent something to stop this." Hence, 9:15 Fairplay. If all goes well, we could be seeing this in domestic club competitions as soon as the beginning of the coming season, then it could become universal like yellow and red cards did in the years after they were introduced in the 1970 World Cup. Speaking of red cards, one of Germany's most famous footballers has been banned by soccer's ruling body for failing to cooperate with an investigation into corruption within the game. Franz Beckenbauer, the only man to win the World Cup as captain and coach, has been provisionally suspended from any football-related activity for 90 days. FIFA said in a statement that the 68-year-old had been asked to help with its Ethics Committee's probe into allegations against Qatar 2022 and the World Cup bidding process. "The apparent breach relates to Mr. Beckenbauer's failure to cooperate despite repeated requests for his assistance, including requests that he provide information during an in-person interview or in response to written questions provided in both English and German," FIFA said. The chairman of the committee's investigatory body, New York lawyer Michael Garcia, is expected to announce his findings by the end of July after a long-running examination of the circumstances that saw Russia and Qatar awarded the 2018 and 2022 World Cups respectively. The December 2010 vote by FIFA's executive committee members to take the sport's showpiece tournament to the Middle East for the first time has been mired in controversy.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: The Fault in Our Stars

Despite the name, I found no faults with this particular movie. Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort (who played a brother and sister in Divergent) did just as good a job on this as they had on Divergent, but the best bit was the unlit cigarette metaphor used in several scenes - you have the means of causing more cancer right there in front of you, but you choose not to activate it, therefore denying it the satisfaction and developing a sense of having control over at least that one area of your life. But there's more to it than just Ansel Elgort's character holding an unlit cigarette in his mouth - so go see it before Edge of Tomorrow starts to outgross it.

A week today, it will have been two years

Don't be a heroin

A 6-year-old student got at least 10 packs of heroin into a classroom on Tuesday at Commodore John Barry Elementary School in Philadelphia. A first-grade teacher saw one of her students playing with the packets — two had been opened and one had been chewed open. “We do have one student saying that the young lady who brought the substance to school did have that packet in her mouth,” Police Lieutenant John Walker told reporters. Since heroin can be deadly, even if absorbed in small amounts, all 20 first-graders were rushed to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia in a yellow school bus. Where would a child that young find heroin? Not necessarily on school grounds, of course. Though police said a school-wide search found no other narcotics, they also searched the child’s home and expect to file charges against the child’s mother and her boyfriend. Why would one have narcotics in the same house as a little kid? And why would gay conversion therapy still be considered acceptable in 2014? Short answer: it ain't. Therefore, New York's Democratic-led Assembly is set to take up a bill today banning licensed health officials from administering therapy to minors attempting to change their sexual orientation. Mathew Shurka, of Long Island, describes himself as emotionally scarred from five years of therapy to "cure" his homosexuality. The 26-year-old began the therapy at age 16. The American Psychological Association says that there is no evidence that the so-called gay conversion therapy can change someone's sexual orientation. Shurka was told to avoid women and surround himself with male friends in the hopes of learning to act like a heterosexual man. A therapist even advised he watch heterosexual pornography to curb his homosexual thoughts. Bans against gay conversion therapy have already gone into law in New Jersey and California. That's still 47 states too few, and I daresay Texas won't be jumping the bandwagon any time soon.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Phone tapping

Law enforcement agencies in six countries have direct access to Vodafone's network, allowing them to monitor phone calls and messages without the carrier's knowledge, the company said Friday. The British telecom firm said it couldn't name the countries for legal reasons, and for fear of retaliation against its business and staff. A year after Edward Snowden first leaked details about the U.S. National Security Agency's far-reaching surveillance programs, Vodafone's revelations are likely to fuel concern about the growing use of mobile networks and the Internet by governments to snoop on citizens. In most countries, a warrant would be required for Vodafone to provide information or access to its data. But in a small number of countries, local law dictates that certain authorities must have "direct access to an operator's network, bypassing any form of operational control over lawful interception on the part of the operator." Direct access is established via permanent secret wires into the company's data network. That gives state authorities the ability to listen into and record private conversations without a warrant, and without Vodafone's knowledge. The company said it believed the practice should end. They're right. Governments should amend legislation which enables agencies and authorities to access an operator's communications infrastructure without the knowledge and direct control of the operator, and take steps to discourage agencies and authorities from seeking direct access to an operator's communications infrastructure without a lawful mandate. This is most needed in the US, where even if you power off your cell phone, the government can turn it back on. That's what ex-spy Edward Snowden revealed in last week's interview with NBC's Brian Williams. It sounds like sorcery. Can someone truly bring your phone back to life without touching it? No. But government spies can get your phone to play dead. It's a crafty hack. You press the button. The device buzzes. You see the usual power-off animation. The screen goes black. But it'll secretly stay on - microphone listening and camera recording. So how did they get into your phone in the first place? Here's how: government spies set up their own miniature cell network tower. Your phone automatically connects to it. Now, that tower's radio waves send a command to your phone's antennae: the baseband chip. That tells your phone to fake any shutdown and stay on. A smart hack won't keep your phone running at 100%, though. Spies could keep your phone on standby and just use the microphone - or send pings announcing your location. John Pirc, who did cybersecurity research at the CIA, said these methods - and others, like physically bugging devices - let the US hijack and reawaken terrorists' phones. The only way you can tell is if your phone feels warm when it's turned off. That means the baseband processor is still running. This isn't easy to accomplish, but if you are really concerned about the government's ability to reawaken your phone, here are some things you could do:

• Put your phone on what's known as recovery or Device Firmware Upgrade (DFU) mode. This bypasses the phone's operating system. It's fairly easy (albeit cumbersome) for iPhone users. Plug it into a computer with iTunes open. Hold down the Power and Home buttons for 10 seconds (no less) then let go of the Power button. Wait for an iTunes pop-up. That's it. But if you have an Android, click here.
• Use a signal-blocking phone case. You can buy them from Off Pocket or HideCell, or even make your own - assuming you have the patience to do so.
• Pull out the battery. Without a power source, the phone can't come back on. This is the best, most surefire option. It's also, annoyingly, no longer a choice on most top-of-the-line smartphones. The iPhone, HTC One, and Nokia Lumia don't have removable batteries. Luckily, the Samsung Galaxy and LG G3 still do. Silent Circle, a company that enables top-end private communication, kept these issues in mind when it co-created the Blackphone. It has a removable battery. It uses PrivatOS, a stripped-down version of Android that reduces tracking. And because spoofed cell towers can target its antennae too, Blackphone's makers are working with chipmaker Nvidia to develop their own custom, more secure baseband chip.

Or, you could always just wrap your phone in tinfoil when it's not being used.

J-Law to become Mopniss Everclean

Jennifer Lawrence is putting down Katniss Everdeen's famous bow and picking up - a mop? That's right, people - the Oscar winner will reportedly play Miracle Mop inventor Joy Mangano in her third collaboration with Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle director, David O Russell. Fox has set next Christmas as the release date for the film. The rags-to-riches tale will follow the Long Island single mother as she becomes one of America's most successful entrepreneurs. Speaking of rags to riches, Kim Dotcom is offering NZ$5 million to anyone who can help him with his extradition case. The US is seeking to extradite Dotcom from New Zealand to face charges of copyright conspiracy, racketeering, and money-laundering allegedly carried out by his file-sharing company, Megaupload. Earlier this year, Dotcom lost his final bid in the Supreme Court to gain access to evidence the US government had against him in his case. The matter of disclosure had already been ruled on in three courts. Two judges - one each in the District Court and one in the High Court - ruled that Dotcom should be allowed to see all the information, but this year the Court of Appeal ruled against him. So now, the German internet mogul and founder of the Internet Party is offering NZ$5 million to anyone who can prove government corruption over the handling of his case. "We are asking for information that proves unlawful or corrupt conduct by the US government, the New Zealand government, spy agencies, law enforcement, and Hollywood", Dotcom told website Torrentfreak.com. "It is the opinion of my legal team that disclosure of such information would be lawful. I would also guarantee that any whistleblower coming forward would have the best legal representation at zero cost." That's right, people, you have some serious money to make off this if you have information that could be of use to him and potentially keep him on our side of the Equator.

Dog Treat Afternoon

Halloween isn't until October, but a Pennsylvania school district said an aide played a trick with treats by giving students pet snacks. About 75 fourth-graders at New Hanover-Upper Frederick Elementary School received the pet treats during recess Thursday. No injuries were reported. Student Gabriel Moore told WFMZ-TV the aide first joked they were dog treats, then told students they were actually cookies. Gabriel ate three. Boyertown Area School District officials notified parents on Friday. They didn't disclose the type of pet treat, but said the ingredients would only be harmful to people with certain food allergies. That's beside the point. Giving children pet food is just wrong. The distinction between human food and pet food exists for a reason, that reason having nothing to do with a huge water source which has been discovered in the arid Turkana region of northern Kenya and could supply the country for 70 years. The aquifers i question were found in the Turkana Basin and Lotikipi Basin using satellites and radar. Last year, scientists released a map detailing the vast reservoirs which lie under much of Africa. Another aquifer was found in Namibia - sub-Saharan Africa's driest country. This newly found wealth of water opens a door to a more prosperous future for the people of Turkana and the nation as a whole, which must now work to further explore these resources responsibly and safeguard them for future generations, and I don't mean accepting huge pay-offs from greedy corporations which want all the water for themselves.

Tetris turns 30

That's right, everyone - Tetris turns 30 years old today. Thirty years! Where did the time go? In fact, here's a better question: is the groundbreaking video game a cultural necessity? No. But is it art? Definitely. It ushered in a new age of mobile gaming, and gave us an escape during an era of unusual pressures. Tetris was the greatest and most influential time suck of its era. The game was invented in 1984 by Soviet scientist Alexey Pajitnov. It was introduced on the IBM and Commodore 64 a year later, then ported to handheld devices in 1989, when it exploded in popularity. It was notorious for its capacity for work stoppage from the beginning. Days after Pajitnov invented it, his boss at the Soviet Academy of Science in Moscow outlawed the game at all computer workstations, and for good reason because if the collective time and mental energy the world has spent on Tetris was instead used to cure disease, our life expectancy would have jumped to 126. But what were we going to do with those twilight years anyway? That's right, play Tetris.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Maleficent

I don't know what aspect I liked better - whether it was the 3D (which seemed lacking in parts), the special effects, Angelina Jolie's portrayal of the main antagonist, or the plot - but this is one you guys need to see. Critical reception seems to be on the fence, but this is clearly one of the better movies to have come out so far this summer blockbuster season. Go see it if you can afford a ticket, which could be a problem if you're the Auckland cafe owner who has to stump up NZ$14,120, after illegally docking a worker's wages. Bin Zhang, the director of Viz Cafe, told his employee Fei Teng the business located on Fort Street wasn't turning a profit, so she had to hand back NZ$200 of her wages each week, in order to keep her work visa. She was forced to make 17 such payments over six months, taking her income well below minimum wage. I hope that bellend's little money-making scheme was worth it because now he has to pay NZ$6120 in wage arrears, as well as a NZ$5000 penalty for breaching the Wages Protection Act 1983, of which NZ$2000 is to be paid to the employee, rather than the Crown. Mr Zhang also has to pay an additional NZ$3000 penalty for failing to comply with an Improvement Notice issued by the Labour Inspectorate. This will serve as a clear warning to other employers who breach minimum labour standards.

Passport doodle style

A four-year-old’s artistic expression has left his Chinese dad stuck in South Korea after the child decided his dad’s passport needed bit of flare - the young boy decided to add bit of facial hair to his father’s passport photo. He also coloured in his dad's eyes and gave him a few friends as well to finish off his artwork. When the family tried to leave South Korea, customs officials would not let him board the plane, therefore the father and son are now stuck in South Korea. But why go back to China? Why go back to an oppressive communist dictatorship? Why not stay in South Korea? That kid was doing his dad a favour, and I think they should make the best of this and start a new life there.

Samsung nixes Android

Samsung Electronics, the world's No.1 smartphone maker, on Monday unveiled its first smartphone powered by Tizen, an open-source alternative to Android. The Samsung Z will be on show at the Tizen Developer Conference to be held this week in San Francisco, the South Korean company said in a statement. The tech behemoth said that the phone is optimized with the Tizen software, which will offer a faster startup time and immediate multi-tasking capabilities. The smartphone comes with a 4.8-inch HD Super AMOLED display and a 2.3 GHz Quad-core processor. It features a distinctive home and application layout for easy access to favourite apps. But enough about that because the group 2 Million Bikers will form a wall of motorcycles between Maya Angelou's funeral procession and any potential protests by the Westboro Baptist Church. Angelou was considered one of America's great poets, performers, speakers, activists, and writers, and will be interred after two services this week - one for the public, and a second private service according to Jezebel. Her tribute to the late Nelson Mandela was featured on the US State Department's youtube channel after his death. The WBC meanwhile proclaimed that the Mandela was burning in hell, and that it was going to picket Angelou's funeral, tweeting "No RIP Maya Angelou. She was a staunch devil child who esteemed the love of the world more than the honour of God," according to Gay Star News. They also claimed that she was a "fag enabler." 2 Million Bikers wasn't willing to take this lying down, and while they claim not to endorse Angelou's views, they have decided to protect her funeral. A spokesman for the bikers said, "If we allow WBC to protest at her funeral what will stop them from protesting at one of our funerals?" Seriously, people, those idiots should not be preaching their gospel of hate at anybody's funeral. Let the mourners grieve instead of listen to those fanatics and their hateful messages.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Not using Apple products

And it is set to become an even worse idea. Whether you like Apple or not, you can't deny that it hit the ball out of the park with its keynote address at its World Wide Developers Conference. Apple's iOS8 was arguably the star of the show however, with a ton of features in tow. Some of these additions were blatantly lifted from other platforms, while others are genuinely new and fascinating features. But which ones were the most notable then?

• Apple's fingerprint scanner on the iPhone 5s is easily the best tech of its kind on a smartphone, beating the Galaxy S5's effort into fine dust. It's not perfect though, owing to the fact that it was locked down for third-party use - so that meant that you could only use it to authenticate iTunes purchases and to unlock your device. However, Apple has confirmed that iOS8 will open up the Touch ID system to third parties.
• Apple's virtual keyboard has been one of the best efforts around, but recent years haven't been kind to it, as other efforts quickly caught up and then surpassed it. The first order of business was to allow third-party keyboard support, much like Android - allowing users to swap out an old keyboard for a new one. For those wanting to stick with Apple's default keyboard, the company swiped a big feature from Swype (heh), by introducing swiping gestures for the keyboard. It also cribbed a bit from Windows Phone, by bringing in multiple word suggestions instead of one autocorrected suggestion.
• Apple will be offering app previews for users, allowing them to try an application before committing to spending cash on it.
• Google Now marked a big step for smartphones, delivering contextual information throughout the day - such as traffic, directions, and recommendations. Cortana, coming to Windows Phone 8.1, handles things in a similar fashion too. Apple's Spotlight search tool handles this in a similar manner too, dishing out recommendations for nearby places, trending news, and iTunes recommendations.
• Apple has taken the mobile/desktop interactions even further, with two great features in tow. The first one is called Handoff, which essentially allows you to start a task on one device and complete it on another. The second is the ability to send and receive text messages on your Mac, via your iPhone. And you can even make and receive phone calls on your Mac as well, via your iPhone again.
• A new health gadget called Healthkit collects health-related information from supported sensors and gadgets - but it also has the option to contact a doctor in an emergency.
• Apple has also revealed what it calls Homekit, essentially a platform for creating smart home products. So for instance, this means that you can unlock your garage door, turn off the lights, and change the thermostat using your iPhone.
• Apple has stepped up to deliver fantastic sharing functionality in the form of its Family Sharing feature. In other words, up to six people can share music, videos, apps, and ebooks - with one person in control of everything. Aside from purchased media and apps, it's also possible to share a photo stream and calendar entries. But the best Family Sharing feature has to be the ability for kids to request purchases - being up to the parent to grant permission. That's right, no more surprise credit card transactions.
• It's now possible for users to utilise the specific functionality of one app in another - for instance, you can directly pin an image in your web browser to Pinterest. Or use a third-party photo filter in the camera app. It's not quite as comprehensive as Android's ability to open a file with any app, but it could be a much easier way to handle things if third parties take to it in a big way.
• Apple has also taken to creating interactive notifications - for instance, allowing you to respond to a Facebook message within the notification centre. It's nothing new, with BlackBerry 10 sporting this already, but it's definitely welcomed.
• iOS8 is also getting third-party widget support, but this will only be seen in the notification centre.

That's right, people, Apple really have it in for iPhone users later this year. There has been some great stuff going down over the past five months (including but not limited to the binge weekend of Jonah from Tonga last month and Pam Dawber's brief return to acting in the form of a guest role on the now-cancelled The Crazy Ones - if any of you losers at CBS are reading this, may you die a slow and painful death for what you did to that show) and I'm sure the good times will continue with the World Cup then the Commonwealth Games soon after.

Never say n*****

Pop star Justin Bieber has apologised for telling a racist joke that was caught on video. The clip, obtained by editors at Britain's The Sun on Sunday newspaper, was shot during the production of his 2011 documentary Never Say Never. In the short video, Bieber appears to ask pals, "Why are black people afraid of chainsaws?" Grinning, Bieber then adds, "Run, n*****, n*****, n*****, n*****, run." Bieber has since apologised, blaming the comments on his age. "As a kid, I didn't understand the power of certain words and how they can hurt. I thought it was ok to repeat hurtful words and jokes, but didn't realise at the time that it wasn't funny and that in fact my actions were continuing the ignorance," Bieber has told TMZ.com. Bieber goes on, "Thanks to friends and family I learned from my mistakes and grew up and apologised for those wrongs. Now that these mistakes from the past have become public I need to apologise again to all those I have offended. I'm very sorry. I take my friendships with people of all cultures very seriously and I apologise for offending or hurting anyone with my childish and inexcusable mistake. I was a kid then and I am a man now who knows my responsibility to the world and to not make that mistake again. Ignorance has no place in our society and I hope the sharing of my faults can prevent others from making the same mistake in the future. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to say but telling the truth is always what's right." So he finally realises what was so wrong about that word. But that doesn't change my opinion on his crappy music, which should only ever be used at Guantanamo as a humane substitute for waterboarding.

Two billion style