Pay it forward - four digits forward

Today, a man reminded everyone of the kindness of strangers by gifting a struggling New York waitress with a US$3000 tip (proof pictured). Mike, who wished to remain anonymous, told ABC News in the US, “This woman had been serving us for almost a year now. She’s a lovely individual, and she talked about how she was served an eviction notice last month.” Mike was inspired by a Pay It Forward project called “ReesSpecht Life,” started by his eighth grade science teacher Rich Specht after Specht’s 22-month-old son died in a tragic drowning accident. “I just had also been constantly thinking about for quite some time my teacher’s project and this foundation, and I thought it was an appropriate time,” said Mike. In response, Specht said, “All we ever want is to make a difference in the world. My son only had 22 months and didn’t really have a chance, and that’s all I wanted for him: to know he inspired someone he never met to do something. I don’t know if there is a word that fits it because I can’t describe the feeling. It restores something that was missing." Mike’s generous donation certainly won't be taken for granted – the lucky waitress says she’ll continue to pay it forward in response. “She really needed (the money) and has been so happy since then, so I feel I did the right thing,” Mike said. “She said she was going to devote herself to the foundation and continue to pay it forward.” The chain will end one day - just like when that blogger Peter Schorsch ended such a chain at his local Starbucks last year.

Another reason not to get inked

Apple Watch users on various social media websites have reported that the device loses connection and shows inaccurate heart rate results if worn on tattooed wrists. And according to tests conducted by iMore, the Apple Watch can run into significant problems if worn by inked customers. The tests produced misleading heart rate measurements on solid black and red colours. Tattoos with lighter colours seemed to give Apple Watch less trouble, only leading to heart rate readings that were slightly off the mark. But dark or light, it is never a good idea to get a tattoo. Those things are a waste of money, could get infected, and one day, it will no longer look as cool as it did when you first got it. And if you regularly donate blood, you might not be able to do it for a while after each tattoo, and if you have a rare blood type, your selfish ink monstrosity could be an inconvenience for somebody who has that same blood type and might need to rely on you for a transfusion. SO DON'T DO IT.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Team relocations

It sucks when your favourite local sports team has to move. Because of such a move in 1994, Los Angeles lost both of its NFL teams - the Raiders to Oakland and the Rams to St Louis. And another one in 2003 meant that Seattle lost its NBA team - the SuperSonics - to Oklahoma City (but they have a New Zealander on their roster, so they got that going for them which is nice). But the one remaining Southern California-based NFL team - the San Diego Chargers - could be moving to LA to fill in the gap which has lasted for 21 seasons, and it would hurt San Diego really bad because no bigger city in America has suffered a sadder sports history. This is a fact - of the nine most populous cities in the U.S, only San Diego has never has won a championship in the NFL, NBA, NHL, or Major League Baseball. Four different San Diego teams have tried. But only two are left - MLB's Padres and the NFL's Chargers. The latter are considering a move to Los Angeles County as soon as next year, adding more misfortune to the sunny city's long list of lost seasons, lost teams, and lost players. After so much sorrow, the larger question is why. Why would teams leave that paradise? And why can't they get the job done there in the end? Consider the cosmic cruelty involved with its poor past:

• No other city has seen two different NBA teams permanently ditch town for greener pastures. The Rockets left San Diego for Houston in 1971, and the Clippers left for LA in 1984.
• Only one of the city's major-college teams has ever won a national title: the San Diego State men's volleyball team in 1973. But the university eliminated the program in a cost-cutting move in 2000.
• Several Hall of Fame-caliber stars have suited up for San Diego pro teams, including quarterback Drew Brees, baseball manager Bruce Bochy, basketball center Bill Walton, and outfielder Dave Winfield. But each of those four endured more losses than wins during their time in San Diego. After moving to other teams, they also each won at least one Super Bowl, World Series, or NBA Finals. In Bochy's case, he's won three world championships in the past five seasons with the San Francisco Giants, all while still owning a home in San Diego County.
• In 1984, a local high school graduate at least made the city proud when he was named MVP of the World Series. But that player was Alan Trammell, a shortstop who was playing for the Detroit Tigers — against his hometown Padres. Trammell and the Tigers crushed the Padres in the latter's first World Series appearance, winning in five games.

So what's the deal there? Just don't call it a curse. It's more like a tradeoff. In exchange for being able to live and work in a warm and sunny coastal climate, San Diego residents are burdened with distractions that tend to prevent productivity. The beach, the mountains, and the desert can all be visited on the same 20-degree (Celsius, 68 Fahrenheit) afternoon in San Diego County. And there's also its close proximity to Mexico, where soccer is more popular. But there should be some big-league presence in San Diego, and if LA needs an NFL team, then maybe it is time for another expansion - maybe put a fifth team in each of the eight divisions and extend the regular season to 18 games (two games against each of the four other teams in its division, one game against each of the five teams in a division in its conference, and one game against each of the five teams in a division in the other conference).

Moyes' former club loses to Moyes' former club

Manchester United lost back-to-back games for the first time under Louis van Gaal this morning as Everton secured a 3-0 win at Goodison Park after goals from James McCarthy, John Stones, and Kevin Mirallas. The defeat leaves the Reds fourth in the Barclays Premier League table with four games left to play and little hope of taking back the title. They are 12 points behind the leaders and even if Man United win their next four games, Chelsea lose their next five, and Manchester City and Arsenal score less that ten points apiece from the rest of their games (both tied at 67 but City are ahead on goal difference), Manchester United's only hope of getting back the Premiership title is if Chelsea do something very wrong and suffer a points deduction as a result of said wrongdoing. Speaking of wrongdoing, two Reds players were booked.

The Visit visiting our screens soon

The trailer of Indian-origin filmmaker M Night Shyamalan's new horror film "The Visit" has landed online. The trailer has similarity with one of the classic Brothers Grimm tales, 'Hansel and Gretel'. But instead of dealing with a wicked witch in a gingerbread house, the kids are trapped in their own grandparents' house, reported Ace Showbiz. In the horror movie, a brother and sister are sent to their grandparents' remote Pennsylvania farm for a week-long trip. Once the children discover that the elderly couple is involved in something deeply disturbing, they see their chances of getting back home are growing smaller every day. The film opens on 9/11, but I'm more interested in finding out what the twist ending is.

Dubai will see Mr. Grey now

Last night, I mentioned that the two sequels to racy bondage flick Fifty Shades of Grey will be released just in time for Valentine’s Day in 2017 and 2018. Today, though, it has been announced that in the UAE, where the film did not get a cinematic release, viewers will be able to watch the film on OSN Box Office, a pay-per-view service, from May 1. Seriously, though, it will save you money and waiting around if you just download it via BitTorrent. There are several torrent sites each with several good movies and TV shows, with the latest episodes often popping up within minutes of its first airing. There are even complete runs of many older TV series that can be downloaded for free - it's much cheaper than buying the DVD. I used it when an episode of The Crazy Ones guest-starring Pam Dawber was on last April - I downloaded the episode (like I did with all the episodes as they aired) and watched it within hours of it first airing instead of waiting around until November for it to air in New Zealand.

Fifty more shades in two more years

The first film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey has taken in millions at the global box office – and even managed to please critics – so it's no surprise that Universal Pictures is banking on the next novels in EL James's trilogy to become future hits. The studio has announced that Fifty Shades Darker, the second film in the series, will be released on 10 February 2017, and Fifty Shades Freed, the final film in the trilogy, will appear on 9 February 2018. The dates have been chosen because of their closeness to Valentine's Day (the first film came out on February 12 or 13 depending on where you live). There are changes afoot for the new instalments in the series. British artist-turned-director Sam Taylor-Johnson, who directed the first film, has already said that she won't be returning to helm the sequels. There were reports that she clashed with the book's author, EL James, during production. A new director is yet to be hired, but I hope it's not David Moyes because he'd ruin the rest of the trilogy like he did Manchester United. However, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are set to reprise their roles as Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, though the pair are reportedly negotiating for more money after the huge financial success of the first film. Production is likely to start in the first quarter of 2016.

Happy 10th birthday YouTube!

On this day 10 years ago, the very first video was uploaded to a new little site named YouTube. The 19-second-long video taken by Jawed Karim rather anti-climatically shows him at San Diego Zoo's elephant enclosure. And that's about it. Here's the video:

Happy Earth Day!

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Beating your chest at a gorilla

A silverback gorilla gave a young girl the fright of her life during a visit to zoo in Nebraska. The girl can be seen beating her chest and laughing as she views the massive ape, but her amusement turned to terror when the animal suddenly charged at her. The gorilla struck the glass enclosure with enough force to crack it, but fortunately for the family it did not shatter. Male silverbacks weigh upwards of 150 kg, and the gorilla lunges with his full force before his momentum is halted by the glass. Here's the entire spectacle:

Brace yourselves - lawyers are coming

HBO has unleashed “A Song of Ice and Fire” on Brooklyn bar Videology, ordering the rental shop, screening room, and watering hole to stop its weekly “Game of Thrones” showings. The network sent “a very polite but official letter asking us to stop showing it,” Wendy Chamberlain, co-owner of the Williamsburg bar, told the Daily News yesterday. “We are fully aware it’s their content, so we’re complying with it,” she said, just hours before the second episode of the series fifth season was to air. Some disappointed patrons showed up an hour before the 9pm program to learn the next chapter in the bloody, sex-filled show with the catchphrase "Winter is Coming" would not be shown at the bar. Just as well I don't care for that crap.

Hazard is a hazard to golden run

Manchester United slipped this morning to an undeserved first Barclays Premier League defeat since February as Chelsea took another big stride towards the title through Eden Hazard’s 38th-minute goal. Wayne Rooney came within a whisker of opening the scoring early on and the Reds arguably dominated the possession and created the most chances at Stamford Bridge, but the visitors’ efforts went unrewarded as the Blues moved 10 points clear of Arsenal at the top of the table and also received all three yellow cards. This isn't good enough. The Reds were a point clear of second place, but it only takes 90 minutes to ruin it for everyone. Chelsea have a commanding lead, but the Reds can still come in from behind this late in the game. For that to happen, though, Louis van Gaal needs to stop playing like the Loser van Gaal from early in the season.

Furious 7 makes a furious profit fast

Furious 7 has crossed the billion-dollar mark at the international box office in just 17 days after its release, it has been revealed. The seventh installment in the action series hit theaters on April 1, opened in America on April 3, and has grossed US$265.35 million at the domestic box-office and an additional US$735.2 million in foreign ticket sales. Your move, Age of Ultron.

Beer and Jerry's

No, Ben & Jerry's isn't making a beer-flavored ice-cream. Or, for that matter, a marijuana-flavored ice cream. But it is taking some heat for plans to put its kid-friendly name - and image - on a craft beer. The Vermont-based ice-cream specialist, known for its often-wacky flavor combinations, has announced plans to create a craft beer dubbed Salted Caramel Brownie Brown Ale, in conjunction with Colorado-based New Belgium Brewing. The brew is tentatively scheduled to hit the market later this year, but the marketplace impact may be quite different than what Ben & Jerry's, which is owned by Unilever, intended. Although the move comes at a time when the craft beer market is exploding, there is parallel national movement to protect children from being marketed to - or influenced by - makers of adult-focused products like tobacco and alcoholic beverages. Some wonder if Ben & Jerry's, a progressive chain that has long stood up for important social and environmental issues, has crossed a line. They may well have done so.

Coffee: the final frontier

These are the voyages of the ISSpresso. Its mission: to explore the coffee preferences of many an astronaut, to seek out the coffee aficionados among the crew, to boldly serve coffee where nobody has served it before. With the launch of the Dragon cargo craft on Tuesday, it is expected to reach the International Space Station by tomorrow. The resupply cargo ship comes with a lot of things including the ISSpresso machine. The ISSpresso machine is expected to give astronauts a real coffee break once it hits the International Space Station. According to Italian astronaut Luca Parmitano, one of the things he missed on Earth during his stint at the space station was espresso. If he will be sent on a mission to the International Space Station, he might not say no anymore with the ISSpresso on board. It's only fitting because coffee is after all the finest organic suspension ever devised.

Never seen a vid like that

A young actor has posted a video online doing impressions of the late Robin Williams. Jamie Costa titled the video 'Never Had A Friend Like Him' and it has already gained more than a million hits on YouTube. In the video Costa chooses numerous films which featured Robin Williams. Costa has also done other impressions of Indiana Jones, Owen Wilson, and Matthew McConaughey, but those three are nowhere near as good as Robin Williams.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: The instability in iOS 8

Hands down, Apple has changed the way we listen to music. With the release of the revolutionary iPod in 2001, digital music downloads became the standard. Since then, Apple has continued to improve the overall experience for those using Apple music software. Our question now is, will the improvements continue with the release of iOS 8.4? The developer preview for iOS 8.4 is now available, which allows developers to start creating apps for iOS and OS X. Along with the developer options comes an updated Apple Music App. Some of the more notable improvements on the app include: an all-new design, the ability to add your own images to your playlists, and an all new MiniPlayer which allows you to control playback while browsing your music collection. If that does not excite you, fret not as there are some additional improvements (well, at least we hope they are improvements). One of these is the return of stability, which has been an issue of late on Apple’s latest iOS 8 operating system. Apple users can now rejoice, because according to a report from 9to5Mac, one of the primary focuses of iOS 9 is to bring back the stability of Apple’s operating system. In their report, they state, “one of iOS 9’s standout ‘features’ will be a directed focus on stabilizing and optimizing the operating system.” Interestingly enough, with such a focus on improving stability, they are referring to it as a standout feature; something that has never been done before. And they better do it because stability was once a staple of the iOS operating system. However, Apple has been taking drastic measure to bring many new marquee features and functionality to catch up with and gain advantage over their competitors. Unfortunately, such rapid development cycles has led to an increase in software flaws and instability. Hopefully this renewed focus on quality over quantity will help bring back an aspect of the operating system that we once loved, and even more importantly, save us from having to rely on Android.

Derby victory puts Reds one point behind Arsenal

United secured a 70th Manchester derby victory over rivals City with a superb 4-2 victory at a jubilant Old Trafford this morning that extends the Reds’ lead over the Blues to four points. It was another fine performance from Louis van Gaal’s men who responded brilliantly after going behind to an eighth-minute Sergio Aguero strike. Ashley Young levelled on 14 minutes before setting up Marouane Fellaini to head home. Juan Mata slotted home a third after the hour, before Chris Smalling completed United's scoring with a fourth soon after. Aguero pulled a consolation back near the end, but the game was already effectively over by that point and rightly so because this could well be Man United's year. Three City players received yellow cards, but what matters here is that the Reds are just one point behind Arsenal and if they keep it up after overtaking them, then they can still catch up to Chelsea, overtake them, and win the Premiership. It can be done.

Get into all the Ivies!

With no expectations, New York teenager Harold Ekeh applied to 13 colleges, hoping to "maybe" get into Stony Brook University, about an hour east of his home in Elmont, Long Island. Then, in recent weeks, the cascade of reply letters came pouring in: Harvard. Yes. Yale. Yes. Princeton. Yes. Not only did he get accepted to all of the schools he applied to, those include all eight Ivy League institutions. That's right, the straight-A student has accomplished the rare feat of getting into all of the nation's Ivies — crediting his parents' work ethic for setting an example and a desire to strive in his adopted homeland after emigrating from Nigeria 10 years ago. And Ekeh isn't the first person to be accepted by the entire League, for he joins another Long Island teenager — Kwasi Enin, the first-generation son of Ghanian immigrants — who also was accepted to all eight Ivies last year. Enin chose Yale, but as for where Ekeh's going to college, he isn't quite sure but he would like to stay close to family. "I'm leaning towards Columbia right now because I'd like to stay in New York City for I guess the rest of my career and work at Mt. Sinai," Ekeh said, adding that America has given his family a life they might never have had in Nigeria. Sure beats a career in advance-fee fraud, doesn't it?

Yet another different kid bullied to death

A 16-year-old transgender girl who spoke on YouTube about being bullied at school in Southern California has killed herself, a support group said, raising questions about what educators can and should do to support students who change gender identity. Taylor Alesana was constantly picked on by peers before taking her life last week, the North County LGBTQ Resource Center said. “With few adults to turn to, and with no support from her school, her life became too difficult,” the group said. “Taylor was a beautiful and courageous girl, and all she wanted was acceptance.” Alesana attended meetings at the center and was very supportive of others, said Max Disposti, the group’s executive director. She posted a series of online videos that included makeup tutorials and accounts of her struggles. In her first video posted in October, she said bullying began at a San Diego-area middle school when she disclosed that she was bisexual. Whoever tormented her, I hope you're happy. That's now one less person who can do any actual good for this world. Speaking of which, it's not too late for you bellends to turn it around. Click here and absorb the song's message.

Guess who's back, back again? MacBook's back, tell a friend!

Two years ago, I was looking forward to Psy's follow-up to Gangnam Style. One year ago, I was looking forward to Pam Dawber's guest appearance on The Crazy Ones. Right now, there is something for us to look forward to: Apple's upcoming ultra thin 12-inch MacBook with a Retina display, which has been overshadowed by all of the Apple Watch news that's been surfacing over the course of the last week. The super slim device is set to launch online and in-stores today, alongside the Apple Watch. Many of its reviewers so far loved the extremely thin size of the MacBook, its impressive Retina display, and its Force Touch Trackpad, but were unhappy with some of the compromises that are made with the machine - lack of ports (just one USB-C port and one headphone jack), the keyboard, the processing speed, and the high price. Almost all of the reviews pointed out some of the shortcomings in the Core M processor, noting that it's much slower than Apple's other notebook offerings and suitable for lighter use, much like a Chromebook. It was, however, able to run Photoshop and Logic Pro, just slower. Several of the reviewers disliked the new keyboard when first trying it due to its thin keys with little travel, but most were able to adjust to the different feel of typing on it after a short period of time. The increased size of the keys was also hard to adjust to for touch typists. Battery life in general ranged from seven hours up, but most of the reviews saw shorter battery life than the promised nine hours of web browsing. Overall, the consensus between reviewers seemed to be that while this is a great MacBook, it's not a solution for everyone and is going to appeal to a niche set of people due to its high price and the performance compromises. My advice would be to wait until a new MacBook Pro comes out. It might be able to fit more USB-C ports, maybe a traditional USB port or two, and/or possibly some of the other ports that graced the sides of previous MacBooks.

They know where the pirates live

An Australian court has ordered internet providers to hand over details of thousands of customers who illegally downloaded the film Dallas Buyers Club. In a landmark ruling, the owners of the rights to the film won a battle to access the contact details of 4,726 people who apparently shared the Oscar winning 2013 film, which starred Matthew McConaughey. Citing the need to deter future online pirates, the Federal Court ordered several internet providers to hand over details associated with Australian IP addresses, which Dallas Buyers Club LLC says were linked to illegal downloads via BitTorrent, a file sharing network. The firms subject to the order include iiNet, one of Australia's biggest internet providers. They had argued the case was frivolous because it would be "economically pointless" for the film producers to try to recover the value of each copy of the movie, worth about a few dollars apiece. The court rejected the argument, stating: "It is not beyond the realm of possibilities that damages of a sufficient size might be awarded, in an appropriately serious case, in a bid to deter people from the file sharing of films." That is just wrong. The rights holders now know where those people live, and could threaten the pirates and/or their families. And it has no effect on me because I live over the Tasman.

First Brazil, now the Black Sticks

Last year, Germany beat Brazil 7-1 to advance to the final of the World Cup. That scoreline was repeated again today, this time in women's field hockey. And again, the hosts lost. Seriously, what's next? The All Blacks losing the Bledisloe Cup, then the Rugby Championship, then the Rugby World Cup (not that anybody has ever successfully defended that)? But back to today's action: the women's Black Sticks have been crushed by Argentina 7-1 in their second Test in Gisborne today. The third world ranked side bounced back from yesterday's 1-nil loss to New Zealand in a rampant manner. Carla Rebecchi played a starring role up front, scoring four of her side's goals (the rest were scored by Delfina Merino, Martina Cavallero, and Gisele Yuarez) while the Kiwis could only muster one of their own through Kirsten Pearce. The Black Sticks now head south to Hastings tomorrow in preparation for the Hawke's Bay Cup which starts this weekend. New Zealand is joined by Argentina, Australia, China, USA, Korea, Japan, and India at the tournament, and they open their campaign against Japan on Saturday night. They better win this one and not choke at the end like the Black Caps did in Melbourne.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Being the Indian or Argentine field hockey teams right now

And that's because after the Black Caps lost the Cricket World Cup final and the All Whites a friendly against South Korea last week, things are looking up for New Zealand's bruised reputation in international sport. And that's because the Black Sticks have won - and I'm talking about both the men's and the women's field hockey (which sucks compared to the one on ice where they fight all the time) teams.

The men remain undefeated at the Sultan Azlan Shah Cup in Malaysia after a tight 2-1 win over India last night. After a goalless first half, captain Simon Child put the Kiwis on the scoreboard in the 38th minute after getting a feather touch on a hard shot at goal from Shay Neal. India responded with an equaliser just minutes later when Akashdeep Singh pounced on a penalty corner deflection to slip the ball through goalkeeper Devon Manchester's outstretched leg. But five minutes from fulltime, Andy Hayward delivered the winning blow with a powerful penalty corner flick into the left hand corner. Meanwhile, the women battled to a 1-0 victory against Argentina in Gisborne today. In a good old fashioned arm-wrestle, New Zealand were only able to break the deadlock in the 47th minute, when Olivia Merry deflected a crash ball from Petrea Webster (who was playing her 100th game for the Black Sticks) into the goal. The two meet again tomorrow, and I hope Argentina get a second helping of defeat.

My advice to both the countries we were up against is to just stick to cricket and soccer respectively. And even then, we'll find a way to beat them at those too.

Racing together at the Final Four

Wisconsin's Frank Kaminsky has brushed off the obscenity and racial slur that Kentucky guard Andrew Harrison directed at him during a postgame news conference at the Final Four. Harrison muttered 'F*** that n****' into a live microphone when another player was asked a question about Kaminsky after Kentucky lost 71-64 to the Badgers Saturday. The loss ruined the Wildcats' undefeated season; they finished 38-1. Harrison has since apologized for his comment. 'He reached out to me, we talked about it, [I'm] over it,' Kaminsky told reporters Saturday. 'Nothing needs to be made out of it.' I agree. As long as Harrison, who is black, was using it in its reclaimed sense, of course nothing more will need to be made out of it. But if Harrison were white, then he shouldn't have used that word, be it the one ending in -er or the one ending in -a.

Reds continue march back to the top

Manchester United claimed another important three points this morning in the race for the Barclays Premier League’s top four places, thanks to two goals from Ander Herrera and another from Wayne Rooney. Herrera put the Reds ahead two minutes before the break with a fine finish and Rooney fired in a superb second goal from Angel Di Maria’s cross. Christian Benteke instantly brought the visitors back into it, but Herrera sealed a fifth consecutive league victory for the Reds in injury time. Herrera’s first strike came at an important time for Louis van Gaal’s side, who had dominated in the Easter sunshine at Old Trafford but were in danger of being frustrated by Tim Sherwood's relegation-haunted side (Villa are 16th on the table and are just three points clear of the drop zone). Only one yellow card was shown, but what matters here is the three points that were earned at Old Trafford. Manchester United are now third, and provided Manchester City lose their upcoming game against Crystal Palace, it will stay that way.

40 years in, still not dead

On April 4th, 1975, Bill Gates and Paul Allen started a little company named Microsoft. You probably know the story from there: Gates went on to become the wealthiest man in the world, and then gradually pulled back from his company to focus on broad philanthropic efforts through the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. But Gates is far from finished at Microsoft; last year after Satya Nadella took over as CEO, Gates said he would be taking a bigger role at the company — using up to a third of his time to advise Microsoft employees on new products. Gates sent the following letter to Microsoft employees today to celebrate the company's 40th anniversary:

Tomorrow is a special day: Microsoft's 40th anniversary.

Early on, Paul Allen and I set the goal of a computer on every desk and in every home. It was a bold idea and a lot of people thought we were out of our minds to imagine it was possible. It is amazing to think about how far computing has come since then, and we can all be proud of the role Microsoft played in that revolution.

Today though, I am thinking much more about Microsoft's future than its past. I believe computing will evolve faster in the next 10 years than it ever has before. We already live in a multi-platform world, and computing will become even more pervasive. We are nearing the point where computers and robots will be able to see, move, and interact naturally, unlocking many new applications and empowering people even more.

Under Satya's leadership, Microsoft is better positioned than ever to lead these advances. We have the resources to drive and solve tough problems. We are engaged in every facet of modern computing and have the deepest commitment to research in the industry. In my role as technical advisor to Satya, I get to join product reviews and am impressed by the vision and talent I see. The result is evident in products like Cortana, Skype Translator, and HoloLens -- and those are just a few of the many innovations that are on the way.

In the coming years, Microsoft has the opportunity to reach even more people and organizations around the world. Technology is still out of reach for many people, because it is complex or expensive, or they simply do not have access. So I hope you will think about what you can do to make the power of technology accessible to everyone, to connect people to each other, and make personal computing available everywhere even as the very notion of what a PC delivers makes its way into all devices.

We have accomplished a lot together during our first 40 years and empowered countless businesses and people to realize their full potential. But what matters most now is what we do next. Thank you for helping make Microsoft a fantastic company now and for decades to come.

But who cares about that crap? Apple's where it's at for superior machines. If it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

Don't watch that show, that achy breaky show

CMT is joining the late-night fray and getting back into the scripted space. The Viacom-owned cable network has announced Thursday that it has ordered its first-ever nightly talk show, handing out a series pickup to The Josh Wolf Show, while also greenlighting four other new series including a scripted comedy starring Billy Ray Cyrus and unscripted series featuring Kellie Pickler and YouTube breakout Ed Bassmaster. Also returning to the country-themed network are new seasons of Party Down South and Party Down South 2 as well as Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge, all of which will join a lineup that will include American Speed: The True Story of NASCAR (narrated by Dale Earnhardt Jr.) and syndicated repeats of critical darling Friday Night Lights. Seriously, if you're into that crap, why? What do you see in that rubbish? The only one worth watching is the one with Billy Ray in it, and even then, it should only be watched to laugh at how stupid it is. His music is worse than a thousand Justin Biebers.

Ain't that a shot in the mug

Three Tennessee middle school students were suspended earlier this week after posting their teacher's mug shot on Instagram, prompting one mom to ask why an adult's legal troubles put her son in hot water. Shanna Richardson said her son, an eighth grade student at Highland Oaks Middle School in Memphis, was issued a three-day suspension with two other students for posting their teacher's mugshot to Instagram during class. The teacher, identified as Tiffany Jackson, was arrested earlier for driving with a suspended license. On Friday, a group of students posted the image and then Richardson's son re-posted it. It's public information, put it that way. You can see it on social media or you can see it in a magazine. Shelby County district officials, however, call the incident "inappropriate use of electronic media." The students were disciplined not for posting the photo but rather because they were using district computers to access inappropriate websites and content not related to the lessons that day. If that's the issue here, then why are students allowed to access "inappropriate" websites on district computers? Whoever is in charge of these computers should be fired, or at the very least disciplined, for letting the children access inappropriate content. Seems to me a much bigger offense than simply re-posting a public image of a criminal.

Kiwi sport continues its horrific downfall

The Bellend of the Month for March 2015 is the state of New Zealand teams in international sport. First, the Black Caps lost the Cricket World Cup final by seven wickets on Sunday. And just last night Korean time, the All Whites lost a match against South Korea (aka Korea Republic), final score was 1-0. If anything good comes out of this bad patch, it could be just the kick in the pants the All Blacks need to defend the Rugby World Cup later this year.

Now onto a more serious matter: we are already one quarter of the way into 2015, and there are still people who use floppy disks. When will you people get with the program? It’s called a flash drive and it can hold way more than just 1.44 megabytes – I have one that can fit 128 GB on it and is just over half as big as my thumb. For those of you that don’t have that luxury, here are some tips on how to keep your floppies floppying on long after you begin to rot in the cold hard ground:

1. Never leave floppies in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Floppies should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
2. Floppies should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
3. Do not fold floppies unless they do not fit into the drive. Big (5.25”) floppies may be folded and used in little (3.5”) drives.
4. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
5. Floppies cannot be backed up by running them through a photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert TWO floppies into your drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings liberally between the floppies before inserting them into the drive.
6. Floppies should not be removed or inserted from the drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access the slot.
7. If your diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.
8. Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.
9. Floppies may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the floppies dry before using. (see item 2 above)
10. Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data is stored much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, however, provided the user is equipped with an electron microscope.
11. Periodically spray floppies with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.
12. You can keep your data fresh by storing disks in the vegetable compartment of your refrigerator. Disks may be frozen, but remember to thaw them by microwaving or briefly immersing in boiling water.
13. Little floppies must be removed from their box prior to use. These containers are childproof to prevent tampering by unknowledgeable youngsters.
14. You can recover data from a damaged disk by using the DOS command FORMAT /U, or alternatively by scratching new sector marks on the disk with a nail file.
15. Floppies become "hard" with age. It's important to back up your "hard" disks before they become too brittle to use.
16. Make sure you label your data. Staples are a good way to permanently affix labels to your disks.