Guess who's back, back again? Net neutrality's back, tell a friend!

On the heels of this week’s decision lifting a federal ban on sports betting, the U.S. Supreme Court has issued a 7-2 ruling that legalizes all worldly vices, with the justices decreeing that immoral behaviors such as gambling, drug use, prostitution, and incest are “all good now.” “It is the opinion of this court that the right to participate in various forms of debauchery, whether heroin injection, illicit sex, or cannibalism, should not be impeded by any law,” Justice Samuel Alito wrote for the majority, adding that if something is considered unethical or depraved, but you feel like doing it anyway, the court “doesn’t give a shit” and you should just do whatever you want. “The government has no legitimate constitutional basis upon which to police any wicked or immoral actions that serve to satisfy an individual’s basest desires or appetites. As far as we’re concerned, everyone can just have at it.” At press time, reports confirmed the court adjourned for a brief recess during which several of the justices personally tested the waters with necrophilia. But enough about that because the Senate approved a resolution Wednesday that aims to undo a sweeping act of deregulation undertaken last year by the Federal Communications Commission, issuing a rebuke to the Trump administration, which supported the FCC's move. The resolution targets the FCC's vote in December to repeal its net neutrality rules for Internet providers. If successful, the legislative gambit could restore the agency's regulations and hand a victory to tech companies, activists, and consumer advocacy groups. The congressional effort comes less than a month before the rules are officially expected to expire, on June 11. And the high-profile vote could shine a spotlight on lawmakers running for reelection during a tough midterm season.