We're water-bored with waterboarding

Waterboarding is torture, and America should not condone it. Yet that's just what Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry did in a recent debate. Jon Huntsman and Ron Paul repudiated the practice, and the others weren't asked about it. Historically, the U.S. has treated waterboarding as torture and a war crime. America prosecuted Japanese war criminals for waterboarding U.S. servicemen in World War II. Three decades later, a federal court awarded hundreds of millions in damages to Filipinos who were waterboarded by the regime of Ferdinand Marcos. Even though torture apologists say waterboarding has produced actionable intelligence, no one has provided any evidence that the information obtained through waterboarding could not have been obtained by other means. I know a better way to obtain information from a terrorist suspect: it's called Justin Bieber. In fact, almost any Canadian music is horrible enough to be a humane substitute for waterboarding. Just remember, if waterboarding is torture when done to Americans, then it is torture when done by Americans.