BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Next year

Not really. However, we do have a Bellend of the Month for December 2013, and that person is Jason McWilliams, who is currently being held without bond on two counts of capital murder. He is the man charged with killing Doe B (a 22-year-old native of Montgomery, Alabama whose real name is Glenn Thomas) and Kimbrele Johnson (a 21-year-old college student) in a shooting at the Centennial Hill Bar and Grill in Montgomery over the weekend. The nightclub where Saturday's shooting happened got a reputation with city officials after a shooting there last year, which Montgomery media reported. Back then, it was called the Rose Supper Club, but it changed its name after the violence. But back to this year's incident: the circumstances surrounding the shooting were initially unknown, but further investigation indicates that the shooting stemmed from an ongoing dispute between McWilliams and Thomas. Montgomery's mayor has shut the club down after the latest violence, and rightly so because it's not a matter of 'if,' but 'when' the next tragic incident occurs at the club, or any club for that matter. This sort of violence is totally unnecessary and stupid, as was Michael Schumacher skiing off-piste without a helmet. Both men could die from their mistakes - Schumacher as a result of the severe injuries he sustained and McWilliams as he faces possible execution for his idiocy.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL PALE MINORS IN ILLINOIS:

Get your indoor tanning sessions in now because starting Wednesday, they're strictly forbidden. A new state law takes effect Jan. 1 that bans anyone under 18 from using tanning salons in the Land of Lincoln. Illinois becomes the sixth state to keep teens out of the facilities, part of a growing trend of regulating tanning facilities to help reduce the risk of skin cancer, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures (NCSL), a Washington-based group that tracks lawmaking. The new measure is one of an estimated 40,000 new laws, regulations, and resolutions approved by state legislatures in 2013, many of which take effect Jan. 1. Among them are:

• Arkansas voters must now show a photo ID at polling places, while Virginia voters for the first time will be able to register online.
• In Colorado, 16-year-olds will be able to pre-register to vote, but must still wait until they're 18 to vote.
• California students must be allowed to play school sports and use school bathrooms "consistent with their gender identity," regardless of their birth identity.
• In Oregon, new mothers will now be able to take their placentas home from the hospital - some experts say ingesting it has positive health benefits. Another new state law bans smoking in motor vehicles when children are present.
• Minimum-wage increases take effect in four northeastern states: Connecticut rises to $8.70 an hour, New Jersey to $8.25, and New York and Rhode Island to $8. In nine other states, the minimum wage rises automatically because it's indexed to inflation.
• In Colorado, drivers will see a new annual $50 fee for plug-in electric cars. Colorado is one of several states looking to capture revenue from alternative fuel, electric, and hybrid vehicles.
• In Connecticut, new gun-control laws in the aftermath of the school shooting in Newtown include mandatory registration of all assault weapons and large-capacity ammunition magazines bought before April 2013, and creation of a statewide registry that will track parolees whose crimes involved weapons.
• Sale, possession, or distribution of shark fins will be prohibited in Delaware.
• Early voting will be expanded in Florida.
• Maine will become the 48th state to require a check-off for organ donation on driver's licenses to promote organ donation.
• In Oregon, privately run websites that feature police mug shots must take down photos for free if subjects can show they were not guilty or that charges were dropped.
• Rhode Island will become the eighth state to enact a so-called "ban the box" law that prohibits prospective employers from inquiring into an applicant's criminal history on written job applications.
• Perhaps most significantly, Colorado adults age 21 or older will be able starting Wednesday to buy up to an ounce of marijuana for recreational use from a state-licensed retail store. Marijuana advocates expect many of the new stores to be up and running by then, and observers say the new Colorado regulations are a sign of things to come.

But enough about that because Michael Schumacher, the most successful driver in Formula 1 history, is in critical condition after suffering severe head trauma in a skiing accident in the French Alps. The 44-year-old German, who retired from the elite motorsport for the second time in 2012, fell and hit his head on a rock, said director Christophe Gernignon-Lecomte of Meribel resort. The incident happened while Schumacher was skiing off-piste (on unmarked slopes) yesterday morning (local time) in the mountains of Meribel resort between Georges Bauduis Piste and La Biche Piste. Schumacher was in a coma when he arrived at the University Hospital Center of Grenoble and required immediate brain surgery, but doctors haven't released any details about his injuries or his prognosis. It was a bit stupid to ski off-piste, but I hope Schumacher gets better soon.

Reds end their 2013 on a good note

A well-taken goal by substitute Danny Welbeck gave Manchester United an invaluable victory over Norwich City this morning at Carrow Road. The injury-hit Reds were rarely at their best during a largely dour affair which saw seven players receive yellow cards, but improved markedly on a poor first half display after the break, and were rarely troubled after Welbeck had put David Moyes' side into the lead shortly before the hour. The substitute added much-needed pace and penetration to United's approach, and he quickly made a telling difference by charging down Ryan Bennett's clearance and racing onto the loose ball, via a Chicharito touch, before rounding Ruddy and sliding home a finish to settle the game in United's favour and ensure a six-game winning streak to end 2013.

Minors cause major panic in Brooklyn

After the spectacular success of the cronut this year, a trendspotting report predicts that chefs will continue playing ‘mad scientist’ and dreaming up new food mash-ups in 2014. They might also ditch olive oil for more exotic oils like avocado, hazelnut, and benne seed, and chefs might use “the full bounty of the ocean” - that may include all parts of the fish, for instance fish cheeks and fish liver pâté, and marine vegetables like sea beans, plankton, and seaweed. Already, variations of another food hybrid, the ramen burger (in which fried noodle patties replace hamburger buns) are popping up according to the report, which also predicts that chicken will no longer be the primary protein in restaurants, as chefs challenge diners to try catfish, pork belly, and goat. Also to look forward to in 2014 is a set of magnetic furniture introduced at Dutch Design Week in October. The minimalist table, desk, and chair are held in place with strong magnets, but can be easily disassembled, so transporting the furniture isn’t a burden. Magnetic furniture which snaps together without the need for a single screwdriver could be the future of the flat-pack interiors industry. But enough about all that because here comes the real story: the NYPD assigned extra officers to patrol a Brooklyn mall yesterday — a day after it was crashed by a teen stampede on a Boxing Day that lived up to its name. Cops swarmed the Kings Plaza Shopping Center in Mill Basin to prevent any hint of a repeat of a flash mob of more than 300 kids who started fighting, yelling, and running wild. So basically what happened is hundreds of teens terrorised the Brooklyn mall on Thursday, forcing it to close its doors for hours during crucial day after Christmas sales. Teens used social media to organize the attack with the goal of putting the mall ‘on tilt,’ and the mall was more than 'on tilt' that day - the little hoodlums were trashing stores, assaulting shoppers, and stealing things after a T-shirt insulting a high school student sparked anger among classmates. A large group of teen girls reportedly fought each other over the incendiary T-shirt and the violent 'knockout' game also broke out on the mall’s top floor – where one teen may have been carrying a gun. Because of the scene, no one under the age of 18 is allowed inside the mall at any time without an accompanying adult. Furthermore, if they want presents from Santa next year, they'd better be on their best behaviour from now on otherwise there will be coal in their stockings come Christmas Day. Speaking of coming, an Australian woman has sued a deli owner for serving bottled water containing semen. The sperm belonged to the deli owner whose DNA matched the sample taken from the bottled water based on test results. Alicia Cooper from Perth filed a claim in the District Court of Western Australia stating she had suffered depression and anxiety due to the incident. She also claimed she is having trouble deciding on what food to eat. According to the documents filed before the court, deli owner Dahn Le had intentionally placed his semen in the bottled water. He knew the water was contaminated with sperm and sold it to the public anyway. Seriously, this is not cool. You can't just jack off in a bottle of water and then expect somebody to drink it. What if my niece (pictured) were to drink that?

Moyes works rare comeback magic at Hull

Manchester United came from two down to beat Hull City and secure a vastly-entertaining Boxing Day (their time) triumph at the KC Stadium. The victory lifted United up to sixth place in the Premier League before the other Boxing Day matches kicked off. Ex-United player James Chester opened and closed the scoring (the latter being an own goal), with the other goals being scored by David Meyler (for Hull), Chris Smalling (for United), and Wayne Rooney (his 150th Premier League goal for Manchester United) in that order. Five players were booked, and out of those, Antonio Valencia received a second yellow card in the 90th minute, which meant United had to spend injury time a man down.

No power to the people this holiday season

More than 500,000 households in the north-eastern US and the south-eastern Canada are still without electricity after last weekend's severe ice storm. Utility crews are working round-the-clock, but warn that some homes could be without power at least until Saturday. In Toronto, 72,000 people were without electricity on Christmas Day, and at least 27 deaths in the region have been linked to the storm. Most of those were caused by apparent carbon monoxide poisoning as people used gas generators, charcoal stoves, and other appliances to heat their homes in freezing temperatures. "I understand they want to keep warm, but you cannot do this. This is deadly," Toronto Mayor and alleged drug user Rob Ford warned earlier this week. Other fatalities were caused by traffic accidents. Elsewhere in Canada, tens of thousands of people are still without power in New Brunswick, Quebec, and Nova Scotia. In the US, states from Maine to Michigan have also been affected by the adverse weather, and the ice covering the region as a whole will remain as long as temperatures stay below zero. There's no natural melting going on, so it's going to be human effort and endeavour that will get rid of the sheath of ice because that's what we get for causing climate change. In other climate change-related news, at least eight people died and dozens were forced out of their homes by heavy rain in the Caribbean islands of St Vincent and the Grenadines. Prime Minister Ralph Gonsalves, who said he couldn't remember such heavy rain at Christmas, has cut short his holidays and was returning from London. Landslides and flooding also reportedly killed five people in the neighbouring island of St Lucia. Heavy rain has also been causing destruction in Dominica, also in the eastern Caribbean Sea. And in the nation that once ruled the general area, the Environment Agency is warning of further significant disruption from flooding in parts of southern England, with more heavy rainfall forecast. Many rivers remain swollen after storms which led to power cuts and travel delays, and two severe flood warnings are in place on the Stour in Dorset. About 1,000 homes in south-east and south-west England have been flooded. Some 24,000 properties still have no power and engineers say some may not be reconnected until the end of the week. The Met Office, meanwhile, is warning of another storm coming in from the Atlantic and expected to hit the UK tonight (their time) and continue into tomorrow. It could bring an inch (2.5cm) of rain and gusts of up to 70 mph, and is predicted to affect all parts of the UK except for the East Midlands and East Anglia. So before you go round blaming the Mayans or Gangnam Style or whatever for recent outbreaks of extreme weather, maybe you should think about your contribution to climate change. Your children will one day inherit your mistakes. And not just your children, but your children's children, and then their children after that, and so forth. Even children who are not yours, for example my niece (pictured), will be left to pick up after the mess you leave this world in.

Swastika tattooist in the clink and on Santa's naughty list

33-year-old Clinten Lawrence McClain of Hatboro in southeastern Pennsylvania is facing charges after police allege he assaulted a woman and threatened to tattoo a swastika onto her forehead. McClain was charged with simple assault, reckless endangerment, false imprisonment, and related offenses after police were called to a hotel on Sunday for a report of a disturbance in one of the rooms. Investigators said they found a woman crying inside the room who told them McClain struck her and threatened to kill her, then held her down and placed a tattoo machine to her head, threatening to tattoo a swastika on her forehead. McClain is being held in the Montgomery County Correctional Facility in lieu of $20,000 cash bail, and you can rest assured he'll be spending Christmas behind bars with a huge lump of coal destined for his stocking. Speaking of coal, coal-fired power plants are shutting their doors at a record pace — and for the most part, nobody’s building new ones. The latest round in the war on coal? Not exactly. The reality is that Americans’ lights will stay on just fine even as coal plants continue to close, thanks to a quiet revolution in energy efficiency and a boom time for cheap natural gas. Throw in some stricter rules for older plants, and the result is a sharp drop in the economic viability of coal-fired power. Maybe they should phase out all fossil fuels and we'll have much cleaner energy for life.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Heroin

Seriously, don't do it. It will be one of the worst choices you will ever make. And especially don't sell it either. The photo, released on Friday by the Massachusetts State Police via Facebook, shows some of the 1,250 packets of heroin labeled "Obamacare" and "Kurt Cobain" which state police troopers confiscated during a traffic stop. Police say a trooper was making an unrelated stop in Northampton when the car passed and he noticed several violations. He stopped the car a short time later in nearby Hatfield and found the driver wasn't licensed to drive it. A state police dog found the heroin, and the four occupants of the stopped vehicle were charged with heroin trafficking. So don't take the risk or else you could be spending the holiday season in a cold, dark jail cell.

Pussy Riot free to riot once more

Mikhail Khodorkovsky, a former oil tycoon and Kremlin critic, was released from a lengthy period in prison last week after a pardon from Vladimir Putin. Khodorkovsky had been in prison since 2003 and was convicted in 2005 of tax evasion and fraud. He was due for release next year. Joining him on the early release train, we have Maria Alyokhina, a member of Russian punk band Pussy Riot who was serving a two-year jail term for her part in a performance critical of Russian President Vladimir Putin. Alyokhina's release from a prison in the Krasnoyarsk region of Siberia was confirmed by Pyotr Verzilov, the husband of fellow band member and inmate Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, who is expected to be released later today (Moscow Time). The pair's release, about two months before their prison sentences were due to end, was approved last week when Russian lawmakers backed a sweeping amnesty law announced by Putin in a move related to the country's upcoming Olympics. The new amnesty law is also expected to free some detained Greenpeace activists. This is all simply an effort to burnish Putin's image in time for the Games, but it will take much more than releasing several political prisoners to make him leader of the year, and he can start by getting rid of that stupid anti-gay law.

Welbeck takes number 400

Over the years, 399 goals in total have been scored in games between Man United and West Ham. But that all changed when a commanding performance against West Ham United this morning - embossed by beautifully crafted goals from Danny Welbeck, Adnan Januzaj, and Ashley Young - gave Manchester United a 3-1 victory (rare under David Moyes) and a first Premiership win at Old Trafford since beating Arsenal last month. West Ham substitute Carlton Cole sprung United's offside trap and slid in a finish to deny the Reds a clean sheet, but that couldn't take the gloss off a composed and commanding display, and neither could the five yellow cards dished out over the course of the 90 minutes.

SeaWorld - where the Sea stands for Cruelty

Faced with a growing backlash from entertainers and others responding to a documentary film claiming mistreatment of whales, SeaWorld, who have been battered in recent weeks since the television premiere of the documentary "Blackfish" on CNN, bought full-page ads in newspapers nationwide yesterday to call the accounts inaccurate and paint its employees as "true animal advocates." "The truth about SeaWorld is right here in our parks and people," the company said in the ad, which appeared in The New York Times and other papers. PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) immediately issued a statement challenging the accuracy of the ads and encouraging people, "Please don't fall for it." I agree with them. The whales suffer from boredom and stress there, and are unsuitable for that or any life in captivity. Because of that, a number of entertainers - including Heart, Canadian rock band Barenaked Ladies, and country music singers Martina McBride and Willie Nelson - have done the right thing by cancelling appearances at SeaWorld. A Malibu school recently cancelled its annual overnight field trip to the park after students spoke out in opposition, and a San Diego high school cinema class posted a video to YouTube with students pledging to spend no more money at SeaWorld until the company changes its practices. Social media sites critical of SeaWorld also are filled with comments from people vowing they'll never go to the parks again after viewing the film. I don't blame them. The imprisonment and exploitation of marine mammals under the guise of "science" is not acceptable. Click here to download your very own copy of the documentary and find out the hard-hitting truth about Seaworld's evil operation.

A painting too Farrah

A California jury has decided an Andy Warhol portrait of actress Farrah Fawcett belongs to actor Ryan O'Neal. The University of Texas at Austin had sued O'Neal, claiming Fawcett left them the painting as part of a donation. Fawcett, who died in 2009 aged 62, attended the university in the 1960s. O'Neal, aged 72, had an 18-year relationship with Fawcett and removed the painting from her home after her death. He said the portrait was a treasured memento of their relationship. The portrait is one of a pair created by Warhol in 1980, when he took Polaroid photos of the actress and added splashes of colour to a monochrome canvas. But at least Ryan O'Neal can sleep in peace each night knowing that the University of Texas at Austin will not get their dirty hands on his Warhol. In fact, he will never sell it, for his estate documents call for it to be passed down to his son with Fawcett, Redmond James Fawcett O'Neal. That's one matter settled, but there's another matter to settle: can you cook french fries in space? If humans ever voyage to a planet far bigger than Earth, the journey is sure to be arduous and full of danger. But there’s a consolation: french fries cooked at the planet’s surface will be crispier. That’s one way of interpreting new research investigating how unusual gravity changes the physics of deep-frying. It may be a slightly glib way of reading the results, but the gastronomic preferences of future astronauts are the genuine motivation for experiments conducted by chemists John Lioumbas and Thodoris Karapantsios of the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki in Greece. That’s why their work is supported by the European Space Agency. However, preparing french fries, or any food for that matter, in space presents unique challenges. Apart from the obvious difficulties of floating crumbs, liquids, and peelings, the basic physics of cooking is different. For example, in zero gravity there’s no convection in hot fluids to redistribute the heat, so they experience highly localised heating unless you stir. Preparing drinks like percolated coffee is a challenge, because there’s no gravity to pull the water down through the granules. And if you wanted to cook with a naked flame – perhaps unlikely inside a space station – the shape of the flame would be compact and round, rather than elongated and tear-shaped. I'd say this sort of thing would need more research before they try it on an actual mission.

So much awesomeness in one tiny cylinder

Activists in Saudi Arabia utilizing new media tools to call for change "face a repressive and intolerant government," and risk harassment as well as imprisonment, according to Human Rights Watch (HRW). A report by the rights group, "Challenging the Red Lines: Stories of Rights Activists in Saudi Arabia," released yesterday, accuses Saudi authorities of "arresting, prosecuting, and attempting to silence rights defenders and to quash their calls for change." "Independent activists in Saudi Arabia have little to protect them from the repressive practices of their government," said Adam Coogle, Saudi researcher for Human Rights Watch. "It's time for other countries to break their silence and tell Saudi Arabia to allow independent activism." He couldn't be more right. Activists in Saudi Arabia - an absolute monarchy where dissent is little tolerated - have increasingly turned to social media sites to express growing frustration with the government. Online participation by Saudis has increased so much that the country now has one of the highest usage rates of Twitter in the world. And now, they can go about their sinful business on Apple's newest model of the Mac Pro, the high-end show horse of the company's desktop line. The new model goes on sale today, restoring some luster to desktop computers that have been overshadowed in recent years by the mobile revolution. In some ways the Mac Pro, which will be available for preorder on Apple's website and Apple stores, is like the fancy haute couture dresses that get walked down the runways of Paris and New York. At more than US$3,000, the sleek machine is more computer than most people need or can afford. And it certainly doesn't look like anything else on the market. It's a silver and black cylinder and stands just 25 centimetres tall. Packing a range of Intel Xeon processors, the new Mac Pro is more than twice as fast as its predecessor, released three years ago. And, starting at US$2,999 (with custom modifications that could push prices upward of $12,000), it's for a select group of power users like graphic designers, photographers, videographers, animators, and the like. The machine has been designed and manufactured in the United States, and it has six of Apple's Thunderbolt 2 ports, enabling up to 36 external devices to be attached. But don't just take our word for it - click here for the full lowdown on the new and improved Mac Pro.

Guess who's back, back again? Brian's back, tell a friend!

Eight and a half years after Family Guy was revived at the end of a three-year-long cancellation, one of its beloved characters is back from a short stint in his grave. But why kill him off in the first place? The Family Guy team initially claimed that the idea was born in the writers room as "a fun way to shake things up" that "caught fire." But the show's creator Seth MacFarlane has been upbeat about his show's emotional rollercoaster: "And thus endeth our warm, fuzzy holiday lesson: Never take those you love for granted, for they can be gone in a flash," he tweeted. The animator and actor addressed the death and resurrection of Brian directly, adding "I mean, you didn't really think we'd kill off Brian, did you? Jesus, we'd have to be [expletive deleted] high." "Oh and hey... thanks for caring so much about the canine Griffin. He is overcome with gratitude," the comedian tweeted. Brian's replacement Vinny was OK, but we should just be glad to have Brian back. He's just what the show needed all along.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Thinking the lottery is all that

The Mega Millions jackpot is juicy, but thanks to new, longer odds, it's entirely possible the payout could reach US$1 billion by Christmas. Nope, that wasn't a typo - "b" as in "boy." When no winner was selected in Friday's drawing, the jackpot rolled over to US$550 million, and it jumped again yesterday to US$586 million, with a cash payout of US$316.5 million, said Tandi Reddick, a spokeswoman for the Georgia Lottery. The total could easily increase again before tonight's (local time) drawing. But seriously, the jackpot isn't really all it's cracked up to be because more than one ticket might win it, meaning there's less for you. And in a disadvantage mainly concerning America, the jackpot is only that big for the annuity option (which means they pay out x amount each year over a period of x years instead of the present value in one huge lump sum) and you won't end up with all of it because lottery winnings in America above US$6000 are taxed at a rate of at least 25%. So don't think you'll get all that you bargained for because you won't.

Reds back on the right track

Manchester United made a welcome return to winning ways in the Barclays Premier League this morning with a ruthless and comprehensive 3-0 win over Aston Villa in a game which saw two Man United and four Aston Villa players receive yellow cards. Danny Welbeck struck in the 15th and 18th minutes, while Tom Cleverley’s first goal in exactly a year effectively killed the game off early in the second half. The three points efficiently earned at a cold and wet Villa Park moved the Reds up in the table, extending an unbeaten away run in the league to five games and giving a timely boost ahead of a festive fixture programme of four league outings. This is good news for the Reds, but David Moyes really needs to step up his game as the season wears on. There is not much hope left for his men. There is also little hope for Peter O'Toole, the Hollywood legend who was made famous in his title role in 1962's Lawrence of Arabia. The 81-year-old Irishman, who was nominated for eight Oscars in his distinguished career, died on Saturday in a London hospital. To those who hadn't seen the actor perform on the London stage, O'Toole was seemingly catapulted into fame. But it may be more accurate to say he charged into it. As T.E. Lawrence in Lawrence of Arabia, O'Toole was tall, handsome, and sensitive. The role earned him his first Oscar nomination, though he lost to Gregory Peck's Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. That established something of a pattern in O'Toole's career. He would be nominated for eight Oscars, but never won until he was awarded an honorary one in 2003. "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride, my foot," O'Toole said as he accepted it. "I have my very own Oscar now, until death us do part."

Done in 80 seconds

School security plans in America have changed over the years to include arming teachers, adding police officers and armed security guards, and changing how schools are designed. But that didn't stop the latest tragedy in Colorado. It started just before 12:33pm Mountain Standard Time on Friday, moments after Karl Pierson - a high school senior and debate club member - parked his car in the student lot at Arapahoe High School in suburban Denver, then - wearing a bandolier containing shotgun shells and carrying a pump-action shotgun, a machete, and a backpack holding three Molotov cocktails - walked through a door adjacent to the library. The shooter's target appeared to have been the librarian, who runs the debate team and who had disciplined Pierson early last September. But the librarian, accompanied by a janitor, had departed the school building as soon as the incident began to unfold. "He took no effort to conceal the fact that he was armed," said Arapahoe County Sheriff Grayson Robinson. In less than 80 seconds, Pierson "fired one random shot down a hallway," then entered an area where 17-year-old Claire Esther Davis was seated with a friend, "and shot the female victim point-blank" in the head. "There was no time for the victim to run from the shooter," Robinson told reporters. Pierson then fired another round down a hallway, then entered the library, where he fired again then ignited one of the Molotov cocktails. The cocktail ignited at least three bookshelves, causing smoke to pour into the library. He then fired a fifth round and ran to the library's back corner, "and there took his own life." By 12:35pm, it was all over. "His intent was evil, and his evil intent was to harm multiple individuals," Robinson said about Pierson, whose entrance into the school was documented on security cameras, as was the bulk of the one minute, 20 seconds of violence that ensued on that day so close to the first anniversary of a similar attack at Sandy Hook. Speaking of which, the people of Newtown, Connecticut are remembering the tragedy that convulsed the nation one year ago. A socially awkward young man named Adam Lanza walked into Sandy Hook Elementary School with a rifle on December 14, 2012. Lanza gunned down 20 children (ages 6 and 7) and six adults at the school, then he killed himself. The people in this community of 28,000 in the southwest part of the state hope to grieve in private, and in line with their wishes, town leaders have asked the news media to stay away.

Stand by your work

The sign language interpreter widely ridiculed for his performance at the Nelson Mandela memorial stands by his work. Thamsanqa Jantjie said on Thursday that he is a fully qualified interpreter and has been trusted in the past with other big events. "It has been many years I have been doing this job" he told media. "My portfolio shows that I have been a champion of what I have been doing." Not so, says the head of the South Africa Translators' Institute. There were complaints last year after Jantjie interpreted the proceedings at the ruling African National Congress elective conference, the institute's chairman, Johan Blaauw, told the South African Press Association. But Jantjie stands by his work. "I have never in my life had anything that said I have interpreted wrong," he said. I think what this comes down to is that his translations just need more work, as do conditions at Foxconn's facilities. A watchdog group says conditions at the facilities of the Apple supplier have improved in recent months, though the factories are still in violation of Chinese laws on work hours. In a report released on Thursday, the Fair Labor Association said three Foxconn facilities in China employing an estimated 170,000 workers have made "steady progress" in improving working conditions over the past 15 months. The FLA worked with the company to develop an action plan to address the issue. The group said Foxconn had constructed additional exits and restrooms at the three facilities, and had revised its policies to limit overtime hours to 36 per month and three per day. But the report found that workers at one of the factories had worked more than 60 hours a week on numerous occasions between March and October of this year, and that all three had exceeded the monthly overtime limit, but there is still a long way to go, starting with the issue of hours worked - it is possible the bellends in charge could have increased the proportion of hours that were not officially recorded as overtime, thereby violating the spirit of the new policies. And speaking of spirit, if you think you can only make whisky from cereal grains (including but not limited to rye or barley), think again. At least at Brooklyn’s Kings County Distillery, they’ve made the spirit with some crazy components. When Gizmodo stopped by for a visit earlier this week, they spent a fascinating day with co-founder Colin Spoelman as he pulled some transubstantiating magic and turned Coca-Cola into whisky. Located in the rustically beautiful 113-year-old Paymaster’s building at the Brooklyn Navy Yard, Kings County Distillery is the first distillery to produce whisky legally in New York since Prohibition. In 2010, the state relaxed some farmhouse distillery laws to allow small producers to sell and serve their product in the same location. This paved the way for a lot of craft producers in Brooklyn and its environs, with Kings County leading the way.

Here comes the strike

At least 13 people have been killed by an air strike on a wedding convoy in southern Yemen. The attack happened near the town of Radda in al-Bayda province, a known stronghold of al-Qaeda. It was unclear what aircraft carried out the attack, though local people said it was a drone. The US has acknowledged using drones as part of its support for Yemen's efforts to tackle militant extremists, but does not comment on individual strikes. With all those deaths, it looks like this match will literally have to be made in heaven - if it exists, of course. But enough about that because thousands of Germans are reported to have been sent letters asking them to pay a fee for porn they are alleged to have streamed illegally online. Law firm Urmann (U+C) is acting on behalf of Swiss copyright protection firm the Archive, and is asking for one-off payments of €250. It confirmed to the BBC that the letters have been sent but would not say how many. A growing number of affected people are claiming to be wrongly accused. It may be legit, but in a twist, its campaign appears to have been taken up by cybercriminals who are sending out fake emails purporting to come from U+C but containing malicious software. It led the law firm to issue a warning on its website urging people not to open the emails. "Fake warnings on behalf of U+C have been sent by email. This email does not come from the law firm. Warnings on behalf of our clients are shipped exclusively by mail," it said. But seriously, if you receive a letter asking for such a payment, DO NOT PAY - it could still be a scam.

Psy reaches the top again

For the second year in a row, South Korean rapper Psy had the most viewed video of the year on YouTube, with the song Gentleman. YouTube, which released its annual chart of the top trending and viewed videos of the year yesterday, said Psy's follow-up to Gangnam Style had 598 million views. (Gangnam, at 1.8 billion views, is still YouTube's most viewed video ever.) YouTube has also become the number one place young people listen to new music. Even with the growing popularity of original video for YouTube by American musicians like Rhett and Link, Lonely Island, iJustine, and Shane Dawson, music videos still dominate the most viewed videos, for instance, the rest of the top 10:

2. Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball, 393 million views
3. Miley Cyrus - We Can't Stop, 304 million
4. Katy Perry - Roar, 251 million
5. Pink - Just Give Me A Reason, 236 million
6. Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines, 231 million
7. Rihanna - Stay, 219 million
8. Naughty Boy - La La La, 201 million
9. Avicii - Wake Me Up, 184 million
10. Selena Gomez - Come & Get It, 181 million.

We should just be thankful there's no Justin Bieber in there. But enough about that because the passage of a landmark marijuana legalization measure on Tuesday means Uruguay is set to become the first country in the world to have a system regulating legal production, sale, and consumption of the drug. It's practically a done deal, but president Jose Mujica has to sign the bill before it becomes a law. He's long backed the measure, though, and there's little doubt that he remains behind it. And speaking of getting behind stuff, here's something I would get behind: Auckland's Christmas in the Park is going alcohol-free for the first time in 20 years. People planning to attend the annual show at the Domain this year are being told to leave their wine or beer at home, or risk having it taken off them. The decision to go alcohol free has been made by police, Auckland Council, and the event's organisers. Police Superintendent Mike Clement says the event is a family friendly one and extending an alcohol ban to the event makes perfect sense. He says the organisers are committed to minimising alcohol harm to all, so anyone intending to come with drinks should leave them at home. This is a good idea. Even though there's going to be some rather unhappy people, this is a good idea.

Pirates ascending to greener domains

Under pressure once again from the entertainment industry, The Pirate Bay has upped sticks and moved to a new .AC domain, based on the isolated volcanic Ascension Island in the South Atlantic Ocean. The move comes after the website’s previous domain registry in Sint Maarten - a Dutch protectorate - was seized. The Pirate Bay team said the website’s former .SX domain appears to have been seized overnight, reported TorrentFreak, who speculated that the domain seizure may be connected to the Dutch anti-piracy group BREIN, which represents a number of copyright holders in the music, film, and gaming industries. Operators quickly relocated to the piratebay.ac web address, which uses the Ascension Island’s country code top-level domain (ccTLD). But they will not be docking there forever because Ascension Island, and by extension the .AC domain, is controlled by the UK and British authorities are not fans of The Pirate Bay - the website is routinely blocked by British ISPs, according to the Inquirer, a European site for computer news. The next destination for the infamous torrent site is the Peruvian .PE registry, which will become its fifth domain name in 2013. Once based in Sweden but fearing seizure by Swedish authorities, the site moved to Greenland, then to Iceland, before acquiring its .SX domain. I just hope they can find a suitable destination eventually.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Snooping

Still concerned about some faceless government bureaucrat peeking at your e-mails and other online communications? Well, you've got a new champion: Microsoft. The computing giant has announced a set of new privacy features, in a post that specifically calls out "government snooping" as the reason. Responding to news reports that the National Security Agency may be monitoring more online activity than was previously believed, Microsoft attorney and executive vice president Brad Smith wrote that the company is rolling out three new features: expanded encryption across Microsoft services, reinforced legal protections for customer data, and enhanced transparency designed to show customers that Microsoft products don't have "back doors" that make government surveillance easier. And that is a good thing because snooping is seriously not cool. But what is cool is the possibility of tourist trips to the Moon within the next thirty years - just imagine the delight at unwrapping your Christmas present in 2043 and discovering you've been gifted a trip around the Moon. It may seem a little far-fetched right now but it could become a reality if space companies like Virgin Galactic realize their aspirations over the next 30 years or so. Richard Branson and his children are due to fly in his company's spaceship on its first commercial flight currently slated for next year. But speaking to CNN outside a space conference in the UK last week, the company's CEO George Whitesides said their ambitions extended beyond sub-orbital flights for those first customers.

Microsoft - now supporting breasts

It's no longer enough to have smartphones, smartwatches, smart TVs, and smart cars. Now a tech company is bringing artificial intelligence to lingerie. Researchers at Microsoft have developed a prototype of a "smart bra" embedded with physiological sensors that seek to monitor a woman's heart activity to track her emotional moods and combat overeating. The sensors can signal the wearer's smartphone, which will then flash a warning message to help her step away from the fridge and make better diet decisions. The company says it has no plans to make the bra into a commercial product, however. So why a bra, exactly? Good question, especially when it comes to something that only one gender will ever use. Here's something that will be of more use: hundreds of thousands of people have taken to the streets in the Ukrainian capital Kiev seeking the resignation of the government for refusing a deal on closer ties with the European Union. The protesters knocked down a statue of Vladimir Lenin as outrage mounted over the Ukrainian government's push for closer ties with Russia. A crowd of cheering protesters chanted "Good job" after the statue fell in Kiev's Bessarabska Square. Some pounded the monument with hammers, leaving pieces of the statue scattered on the ground. Only parts of the Soviet hero's legs remained at the base. A man waving a Ukrainian flag stood atop the pedestal beside them. Police said they were investigating but did not know know who had toppled the monument. Ukraine's government news agency said a lawmaker with the nationalist Svoboda party claimed responsibility for the incident. "This is the end of Soviet occupation," the party's Twitter account said. "End of the regime of shame and humiliation." And hopefully end of Yanukovych's plans to integrate with Russia.

Pressure mounting on the Reds

Manchester United slipped to a second home defeat in four days as Yohan Cabaye's second-half goal this morning gave Newcastle United their first win at Old Trafford since 1972. After an uneventful first period, United had started to pose Newcastle problems in the early stages of the second half when a swift counter-attack from the visitors, who copped two yellow cards during the match, culminated in Cabaye slotting home Moussa Sissoko's pull-back. David Moyes made seven changes to the side beaten by Everton on Wednesday (local time), with Robin van Persie the most notable returnee, coming in for the suspended Wayne Rooney. However, that was not enough because the Reds lost again. Manchester City have already scored double the goals United have this season, and we only have David Moyes' ineptitude to thank for that. He has presided over some stunning comebacks this season, but one should remember that the league title each year is based on the results of 380 games (of which each team takes part in 38), not just one.

Goin' both ways

USB cable developers have announced that a forthcoming version of the connector's plug is to be reversible. It means users of the Universal Serial Bus cables will no longer have to worry which way round the part is facing when plugging it into a device. The specification is due to be completed by mid-2014, and the first product on the market by 2016. It will neuter one of the advantages Apple's proprietary lightning cable currently has over the USB system. The first USB cables were released in the mid-1990s and, until now, could only be plugged into a computer or other device one way round to ensure a data connection. That's right, guys, USB has come a long way since its invention. But what the connectors don't have is a solution for Russia's homophobia problem. However, Elton John has urged Russia to end discrimination against gays as he performed at a concert in Moscow. The British singer said he was "sad to learn" of a law banning the "propaganda of homosexuality" to minors. The loosely-worded law can be used to ban gay rights events. Sir Elton became the first major Western star known for his support of gay rights to play in Russia since the law was signed by President Vladimir Putin in June. Last year, both Madonna and Lady Gaga used concerts in Saint Petersburg to speak out against similar local legislation. Speaking of speaking out, when you're making eight bucks an hour, which is pretty typical in the fast-food industry, it's tough to make ends meet. And increasingly, the working poor are asking this question: Why am I living in poverty, even when I'm working full time? That's the message that thousands of fast-food workers that rallied on Thursday in about 100 U.S. cities — from Oakland to Memphis to Washington, D.C. — are trying to get across. A living wage in big cities is closer to US$14 an hour, and it jumps to about US$20 an hour for an adult supporting a child. The protests are part of a growing campaign backed by a coalition of advocacy groups, religious organizations, and union organizers aimed at raising fast-food wages to US$15 an hour. But not everyone agrees that raising the federal minimum wage will fix the problems of fast-food workers struggling to make ends meet, and they're right because there's also the problem of the top brass living a greedy lifestyle. Case in point: McDonald's just bought a $35 million luxury Bombardier jet for its corporate executives. Yet many of the company's employees make so little that they rely on public assistance to get by. "It's not right to impoverish your employees while sailing above them at a rate of $2,500 an hour," reads a petition started by the Campaign For America's Future. "It's immoral to do it with a taxpayer subsidy." All that money could instead be going towards paying employees a better wage.

Madiba becomes Ma-dead-a

Freedom fighter, prisoner, moral compass, and South Africa's symbol of the struggle against racial oppression. That was Nelson Mandela, who emerged from prison after 27 years to lead his country out of decades of apartheid. He died last night (South African Standard Time) at age 95. His message of reconciliation, not vengeance, inspired the world after he negotiated a peaceful end to segregation and urged forgiveness for the white government that imprisoned him. "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison," Mandela said after he was freed in in 1990. Years after his 1999 retirement from the presidency, Mandela was considered the ideal head of state. He became a yardstick for African leaders, who consistently fell short when measured against him. Not falling short of that yardstick, however, is the world's first scheduled route for Boeing's 787-9 Dreamliner. As the latest Dreamliner's first customer, Air New Zealand will be flying the launch aircraft from Auckland (where the airline is based) to Perth (in Western Australia) starting in October 2014. A cabin mock-up was revealed as part of the announcement at the opening of the airline's Customer Innovation and Collaboration Centre in Auckland. The launch aircraft will offer 302 seats total in four cabins: the business premier cabin housing 18 lie-flat seats, a premium economy cabin with 21 seats, and two economy cabins with 263 seats total. The plane will also have 14 rows with Skycouches - a design unique to the Kiwi airline that turns a row of three economy seats into a three-seater "couch." New features also include a slimmer seat back due to more compact inflight entertainment monitors, allowing more personal space for the passenger. Following the Auckland-Perth route, Air New Zealand will be flying its fleet of 10 787-9 aircraft on routes to Tokyo and Shanghai. Let's just hope the battery doesn't malfunction on the way to or from Perth. And speaking of batteries, a married couple from Missoula, Montana appeared in court yesterday, each facing a pair of felony charges after allegedly throwing a car battery through a window and burglarizing a trailer in the Hollywood Trailer Court. Clayton Willard Carter and his wife, Mary Ann Kickingwoman, are accused of breaking into a trailer and attempting to steal items to settle a debt. According to an affidavit, Carter repeatedly called the trailer’s resident, demanding money she supposedly owed him, but the woman stopped answering her phone and locked the door when the couple arrived at the residence. Unable to find a way into the trailer, Carter allegedly threw the battery through the window and crawled inside before opening the door for his wife. Carter was allegedly holding a knife and Kickingwoman was holding a large wrench when they entered the residence. “They demanded money and when she told them she didn’t have any, they began looking for items to take instead,” the affidavit stated. When the Missoula police responded, they found the car battery inside the trailer surrounded by broken glass and blood from a laceration on Carter’s hand. Kickingwoman and Carter were still inside. This is just wrong. They could've just sued them for the money instead of settling the supposed debt in ways more befitting of the mob. You don't just come into someone's home and steal their stuff over an unpaid debt - get a debt collector or the courts involved.

Toffees cause sticky situation for the champions

Bryan Oviedo's goal four minutes from time condemned Manchester United to a disappointing defeat this morning as David Moyes' former club Everton, who actually seem to be performing better without him, stole the points at Old Trafford in a match where no yellow or red cards were dished out. United were looking to go above the Toffees in the table but Wayne Rooney and Danny Welbeck were both out of luck in front of goal when denied by the woodwork, and the Merseysiders took full advantage late on. The Reds came closest to scoring in an evenly-matched first half when Rooney struck a post. The in-form hitman, playing against his first club, saw his shot deflect off both Phil Jagielka and Sylvain Distin before hitting the upright and Tim Howard diverted the rebound away from Shinji Kagawa. But seriously, the Red Devils are not performing at the top of their game right now. They are 12 points behind the champions. It's a miracle they are even in the top half of the table right now.

Bottom three still at the bottom

Afghanistan, North Korea, and Somalia are seen as the most corrupt nations in the world, according to Transparency International's latest survey. More than two thirds of the 177 countries included in the 2013 Corruption Perceptions Index scored below 50, where 0 indicates the country's public sector is seen as highly corrupt and 100 as very clean. Denmark and New Zealand performed best with scores of 91. Afghanistan, North Korea, and Somalia tied last with 8 points each. "All countries still face the threat of corruption at all levels of government, from the issuing of local permits to the enforcement of laws and regulations," said Huguette Labelle, Transparency International's Chair in a statement. In Syria, where 100,000 have died in a conflict which began in 2011 and has now exploded into war, people regard its public sector as increasingly corrupt. The stricken nation dropped 9 points from 144th place to 168th. Libya, Yemen, Spain, Australia, Guatemala, and Madagascar were among other countries whose scores declined significantly. Myanmar saw the biggest improvement, rising from 5th last position in 2012 to 19 places from the bottom this year. The change reflects the benefits of introducing more open and democratic rules after years of military rule, according to Transparency International's Asia Pacific Director, Srirak Plipat. Myanmar also ratified an international treaty against corruption in December 2012 and the parliament approved an anti-corruption law in July, although this is yet to come into force. While Greece's score rose four points this year to 40, but remained the lowest ranking country in the European Union in 80th place. Brunei, Laos, Senegal, Nepal, Estonia, Lesotho, and Latvia also improved. But more still needs to be done about that, just like more needs to be done when it comes to this: kids and their parents at a cinema in Florida who were expecting to see Disney's latest movie Frozen were accidentally treated to porn. Instead of the feisty princess of the PG-rated Disney feature, the audience saw two minutes of explicit scenes including oral sex. The projectionist apparently mixed up a fill-in cartoon with the red-band trailer for Lars Von Trier's upcoming film Nymphomaniac, featuring Shia LaBeouf having sex on screen. This mistake happened when the theatre was experiencing some technical difficulties that delayed the start of Frozen, so they temporarily played another cartoon. "They put in the filler, it looked like Steamboat Willie, the old Mickey Mouse cartoon, and then all of a sudden it goes into this other scene," Lynn Greene who was there with grandchildren said. Although the cinema said the clip played for less than two minutes, Greene said it seemed to last much longer. "It seemed like forever when you're trying to, you know, cover a little guy's eyes," she said. "I didn't have enough hands to cover his ears too and he got the sound down real good." Seriously, this is not what people should expect from their local cinema. But at least the theatre tried to do the decent thing, and offered free movie tickets to those in the audience. Maybe they can go back for some fun movies like The Loin King, The Privates in the Caribbean, or Moby's Dick.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Police shootings

One has happened in Iceland, where police shot dead a man who was firing a shotgun in his apartment in the early hours of yesterday morning (local time). It is the first time someone has been killed in an armed police operation in Iceland. Tear gas canisters were fired through the windows in an attempt to subdue the 59-year-old, who lived in the east of the capital, Reykjavik. When this failed he was shot after firing at police entering the building. Between 15 and 20 officers took part, with back-up provided by special forces. The tear gas was used when the man, who has not been named, failed to respond to police attempts to contact him and continued shooting. When they entered the apartment, two members of the special forces were injured by shotgun fire - one in the face, the other in the hand. This is unusual coming from a country like Iceland, and so is this: when it comes to luxury hotel rooms, down is becoming the new up. Instead of penthouse suites, the most exclusive accommodation in the house may soon be at the very bottom, six metres or more beneath the surface of the sea. The idea of sleeping with the fish some distance beneath the waves may sound dangerous but the technology needed to build underwater rooms is well-established and proven. So says Robert Bursiewicz, a project manager at Deep Ocean Technology, a Polish company that is planning an underwater hotel called Water Discus. It can be towed to a suitable location and placed on supports on the sea bed. It is made up of an underwater disc containing 22 bedrooms with sea views, connected by lift and stairs to a similar disc above the surface containing other hotel facilities. "Nowadays it is possible to build submarines which go deeper than 500m (1,640ft) below the sea surface, so building an underwater hotel is not a problem," Mr Bursiewicz says. Now, that technology is being used in a new way. In fact, it should be far less of a technical challenge to build an underwater hotel than a submarine, because hotels are unlikely to be placed more than 15 metres below the surface. That is because the water acts like a filter for sunlight, and below that depth, most colours apart from blue are washed out. And that means rooms need to be in relatively shallow water for the most spectacular and colourful views of marine life. Also, there is the chance that somebody might break a window at the bottom and flood the whole hotel. So don't risk it.

New manager drawn again

Manchester United came from behind twice this morning to secure a point in a fluctuating encounter with Tottenham at White Hart Lane. Wayne Rooney grabbed both goals, the first after Kyle Walker had opened the scoring with a free kick on 18 minutes, the second cancelling out Sandro’s long-range strike. The result, with the addition of four yellow cards, changed little in terms of United jostling with a clutch of other sides in the Barclays Premier League table. However, upcoming home dates with Everton and Newcastle will give David Moyes’ men a chance to build on this platform.

Fast and Furious actor dies in fast and furious way

US actor Paul Walker, who starred in the Fast & Furious series of action films, has been killed in a car crash in California. A statement on his Facebook page said 40-year-old Walker had been a passenger in a friend's car which crashed north of Los Angeles. He was said to be attending a charity event at the time. He starred in The Fast and The Furious in 2001 and featured in the sixth film in the franchise which opened in May. Walker also starred in the suspense drama Hours, a movie that is set for release in the US this month. Walker will be sadly missed, but enough about that because we have another tragedy tonight: New Zealand's reign as rugby league world champions has ended in utter misery and embarrassment as they were smashed 34-2 by Australia in the World Cup final this morning. After causing a massive upset in the final five years ago in Brisbane, the Kiwis couldn't repeat that feat at Old Trafford and were taken to pieces in a devastatingly one-sided contest. The Kangaroos were clinical in everything they did and found it all too easy to beat a Kiwis team that never got into the game.

Fourth kid off the roll

The co-Bellends of the Month for November 2013 are Logan Beaschler, Colin Warren, Joseph Bomgardner, and a fourth student at a California university who has been suspended for being involved in alleged racially motivated abuse of a black student, an occurrence that has led to student protests on campus. The suspension of the fourth student, which followed suspensions and misdemeanor hate crime charges against the three named students, was disclosed by San Jose State University President Mohammed Qayoumi in a statement last Friday. Qayoumi did not identify the fourth student or say whether he might also face charges. The victim in the incident that led to student protests at the campus in Northern California has also not been named. The students are accused of using racist terms to refer to the victim, displayed Nazi symbols and a Confederate flag in their suite, and once tried to put a U-shaped bicycle lock around the victim's neck, causing him minor injuries when he fought back. This is not the right way to act around people of colour. That behaviour seriously needs to be dealt with in the strictest manner possible, and the president did the right thing in suspending the students who pulled that crap. This is seriously not on.

Who let their names out?

Peaches Geldof is facing a police investigation after naming the mothers who allegedly offered their babies to Lostprophets pedophile rocker Ian Watkins. The daughter of Boomtown Rats singer Bob Geldof reportedly tweeted out the names of two crazed groupies who allegedly agreed to let singer Ian Watkins abuse their own children. Watkins has pleaded guilty to 13 counts of child sexual assault — including two counts of attempting to rape a baby. The accused mothers, whom the courts have named ‘Woman A’ and ‘Woman B’, are co-defendants with Watkins, who maintains that he didn’t successfully rape an 11-month-old, but admitted to two counts of attempted rape. He is also accused of feeling up a 1-year-old, possessing and creating child porn, and plotting to rape a baby. He even allegedly urged a groupie to abuse her own child on Skype. All three face a total of 32 charges, but that's nothing compared to Maria Kang, the mother of three who created a firestorm when she posted a photo challenging other moms to be as trim as her. Apparently, she's at it again - she was banned from Facebook after posting a tirade against plus-size women who pose in lingerie to promote body confidence. Kang has shot into the spotlight once more by writing she was "annoyed" by "news stories about how overweight, nearly obese women should be proud of their bodies," according to California TV station News10. The 32-year-old — last month dubbed a "fat shamer" for uploading a snap of her toned body and kids with a "What's your excuse?" caption — said Curvy Girl Lingerie's selfie photo campaign "normalizes being unhealthy." "We need to change this strange mentality we are breeding in the U.S. and start celebrating people who are a result of hard work, dedication, and discipline," she wrote, adding "I'm not bashing those who are proud and overweight, I am empowering those who are proud and healthy to come out and be the real role models in our society." She's wondering what our "excuse" is, but we all want to know what hers is for posting that rubbish. A person's a person, no matter how fat.

Against the grain

What we're dealing with here is a school lunch made up of leftover roast beef, potatoes, carrots, oranges, and milk. It's a healthier option than most, but it was deemed “unbalanced” by a Canadian school, and so the school supplemented two siblings’ lunches with Ritz crackers to “balance” it. And it just gets better - their Lunch Nazis had the nerve to charge the parents a C$5 (NZ$5.80) fine (ticket pictured) for each lunch they “corrected.” This happened at a school in Manitoba, where the provincial government’s Early Learning and Child Care Department follows a policy that lunches must meet its Food Guide standards, and schools apparently are to correct any lunches that parents failed at sending with the proper elements, as determined by the Food Guide and the teachers inspecting the lunches, and the parents will be charged a fine for each item missing. In this instance, the parent, Kristen Bartkiw, apparently failed to include a grain in her two children’s lunches, requiring the supplementation with the Ritz crackers when a much better option would've been to make the roast beef into sandwiches (preferably on wholegrain bread). I'm sure the school meant well, but one must remember that Bartkiw sent a wonderfully wholesome lunch. The school shouldn't then add junky snack food and call it balanced. Had she sent along lunches consisting of microwave Kraft Dinner and a hot dog, a package of fruit twists, a Cheestring, and a juice box, that lunch would technically be within the guidelines. The moral of this story is that the Manitoba government should have registered dietitians on staff working on an ongoing basis with all community-based organizations that serve food, including daycares.

Lostprophet becomes a Lostcause

Ian Watkins, singer of Welsh rock band Lostprophets, has pleaded guilty to a series of "depraved" child sex offences including attempted rape of a baby. He had previously "furiously denied" the allegations. The 36-year-old from Pontypridd and two women had been due to stand trial at Cardiff Crown Court. Watkins pleaded guilty to attempted rape and sexual assault of a child under 13 but not guilty to rape. This was accepted by the prosecution. Sentencing will take place on 18 December, and it would most likely serve him right. Anyone who does that to kids should get what's coming to them - a human booster shot administered in the prison showers as soon as the soap is dropped. Speaking of soap, children are, according to The New Zealand Herald, becoming sick at one of the country’s most modern new schools, because for three years the board banned soap and hand towels, fearing that they harmed the environment. The school, which has Greenstar accreditation for environmentally friendly design, has a healthy attendance rate of 93.4 per cent with no unusual illnesses. But some parents say their children are suffering due to the school founders’ green philosophy and have complained to the board about their children’s repeated bouts of illness. Seriously, people, a ban on students learning would've made more sense than banning soap.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Stoning

Afghan government officials have proposed reintroducing public stoning as a punishment for adultery, Human Rights Watch said, even though the practice has been denounced both inside and outside the country as one of the most repugnant symbols of the Taliban regime. The sentence for married adulterers, along with flogging for unmarried offenders, appears in a draft revision of the country's penal code being managed by the ministry of justice. News that the government is contemplating bringing back a much-reviled punishment is unlikely to go down well with western governments that back Kabul, and I can see why: this is the latest sign that human rights won at great cost since the Taliban were ousted in 2001 are rolling back as foreign troops withdraw. Billions have been invested on promoting human rights in Afghanistan over more than 12 years of war and donors fear that hard won progress, particularly for women, may be eroding. During the Taliban's 1996-2001 time in power, convicted adulterers were routinely shot or stoned in executions held mostly on Fridays. Women were not permitted to go out on their own, girls were barred from schools, and men were obliged to grow long beards. This is why foreign troops should stay indefinitely.

In for a point

A last-minute equaliser from substitute Kim Bo-Kyung snatched a draw for Cardiff City this morning at Cardiff City Stadium and dealt Manchester United a frustrating setback in the Barclays Premier League title race. First-half goals from Wayne Rooney and Patrice Evra came either side of Fraizer Campbell's equaliser for the hosts, who tested the champions throughout but rarely threatened goalkeeper David De Gea prior to Kim's late leveller. I think the real problem here is that shorn of several key players through injury, including top scorer Robin van Persie, manager David Moyes made five changes to the side which overcame Arsenal prior to the recent international hiatus, and that sizeable reshuffle contributed to a disjointed first half display from the champions in a game which saw four players receive yellow cards.

306-year-old union still has 28 months left in it

Scotland could be independent on 24 March, 2016, if voters back leaving the UK in the independence referendum next year, the Deputy First Minister has announced. The date is included in the Scottish government's White Paper, described as a "blueprint" for independence. Nicola Sturgeon said it was a "landmark document" which has economic growth, jobs, and fairness at its heart. "This guide to an independent Scotland will be the most comprehensive and detailed blueprint of its kind ever published, not just for Scotland but for any prospective independent country," she said. "It is a landmark document which sets out the economic, social, and democratic case for independence. It demonstrates Scotland's financial strengths and details how we will become independent - the negotiations, preparations, and agreements that will be required in the transition period from a vote for independence in September next year to our proposed Independence Day of 24 March 2016 and in time for the first elections to an independent Scottish Parliament in May of that year." But enough about that because plans for a 1km inflatable solar chimney have been outlined by a leading balloon specialist. Per Lindstrand, who crossed the Pacific in a balloon with Sir Richard Branson in 1991, said the technology could offer more efficient green power generation in remote areas. It could help in areas with high seismic activity, where maintenance of solid structures is difficult. But what would really help is if this novel power generator became widespread enough to put Big Oil out of business, and then we would have cheaper, cleaner power where it is needed.

8th generation gets seven-digit sales on two consoles

Microsoft says that more than 1 million Xbox One consoles have been sold worldwide since their midnight launch. The company says that surpasses first-day sales of the Xbox 360, the previous-generation model that went on sale eight years ago. The new console was launched in 13 markets. The software giant said yesterday that it sold had out at most retailers and that it is working to replenish stocks. It added that in the first day of game play, fans killed over 60 million zombies in "Dead Rising 3" and drove more than 3.6 million miles on "Forza Motorsport 5." The sales figure matches that of Sony, which said last week that more than 1 million PlayStation 4 consoles had been sold in the 24 hours since its release. So what? It's not like there will ever be a winner in the console wars. The PS4 has its scene, Xbox One have theirs. But enough about that because Shakil Afridi, the hero Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA pinpoint bin Laden's compound ahead of the Navy SEAL raid that killed the Al Qaeda leader, has been charged with murder - for trying to save a little boy stricken with appendicitis six years ago, according to his attorney. The bizarre charge comes as international pressure mounts on Pakistan to free Afridi, who was sentenced last year to 33 years in prison for "conspiring against the state," a sanction western observers believe was a pretext to punish him for helping the U.S. Afridi executed a vaccination ruse that helped establish bin Laden's presence in an Abbottabad compound, a development seen as embarrassing for Pakistan, which claimed not to know the world's most wanted man was living openly a stone's throw away from a military complex.

Going nuts about nuts

People who regularly eat nuts appear to live longer, according to the largest study of its kind. And no, I do not mean testicles. I mean a fruit composed of a hard shell and a seed, where the hard-shelled fruit does not open to release the seed. But back to the study, the findings of which were published in the New England Journal of Medicine. It suggested the greatest benefit was in those munching on a daily portion. The American-based team said nut eaters were likely to also have healthy lifestyles, but the nuts themselves were also contributing to their longer lifespan. The study followed nearly 120,000 people for 30 years. The more regularly people consumed nuts, the less likely they were to die during the study. However, the British Heart Foundation said more research was needed to prove the link. Be that the case or be that not the case, the fact remains that nuts are good for you. Nuts, if you're reading this, don't ever change.

Brown to run it back to rehab

Chris Brown is heading back to rehab for a court-ordered 90-day stay. The singer, who checked out of a rehab facility in Malibu last week after just 13 days, has been ordered back to rehab for the next three months by a Los Angeles judge after it was revealed that he was actually kicked out of the previous clinic for throwing a rock through his mother's windshield while she was visiting. Brown's mother urged him to remain in the care of the rehab center for an extended stay, but he didn't take her advice too well. Brown faced L.A. Superior Court Judge James Brandlin yesterday, and at the recommendation of the probation department, Brandlin ordered him to spend 90 days in a court-approved, live-in anger management program. I feel this could be a good thing for him. Also good is this: safer condoms will be one of the first products developed at the new National Graphene Institute in Manchester. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has awarded scientists US$100000 to create stronger, thinner condoms from the new "wonder material". I'm sure it will be a long time before one of those condoms breaks during coitus. But alas, even graphene has a breaking point, for it is not Chuck Norris. For those who like it dry, however, the lotus leaf was thought to be the gold standard for staying dry in nature, but now a team from MIT in Boston say they have surpassed it with what is the "most waterproof material ever". This material is inspired by nasturtium leaves and butterfly wings. The new "super-hydrophobic" surface could keep clothes dry and stop aircraft engines icing over. By adding tiny ridges to a silicon surface, water will bounce off it 40% faster than the previous "limit". Similar ridges are found in nature on the wings of the Morpho butterfly and the veins of nasturtium leaves.

Pastor up against hate group

A Pennyslvania Methodist minister convicted by a jury of his ecclesiastical peers of breaking church law for presiding over his son's wedding to a man is refusing to repent. "I did not want to make this a protest about the doctrine of the church. I wasn't trying to be an advocate," The Rev. Frank Schaefer, a father of four, testified yesterday in a hearing to determine his punishment. "I just wanted this to be a beautiful family affair, and it was that." Rev. Schaefer took a visible and increasingly clear stand over the course of yesterday's proceedings, wearing a rainbow-colored stole on the witness stand. He declined the church prosecution's offer to "repent of and renounce his disobedience to the Methodist Book of Discipline," the Associated Press reported, and refused to promise that he wouldn't officiate at more same-sex unions. Later in the day, his tone became more defiant. The church "needs to stop judging people based on their sexual orientation. We have to stop the hate speech. We have to stop treating them as second-class Christians," he said. "I will never be silent again." OK so he broke church law. But it was the right thing to do. Gays are people too, and if they want to get married, we should let them even though the Bible says otherwise. Let's just hope another pastor has the courage to stand up for Schaefer and what he believes in.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Banishing the blind man

Usually airline passengers side with flight attendants when it comes to safety, but in the case of a US Airways flight last Wednesday, passengers rallied around a blind man and his guide dog and disembarked en masse. All 35 passengers on US Airways Flight 4384 walked off the plane after Albert Rizzi, a blind man from Long Island, and his dog, Doxy, were escorted off the flight after a heated exchange between Rizzi and a flight attendant about where his dog was placed, according to Rizzi. Although he was first to arrive on the tarmac for the flight from Philadelphia International Airport to MacArthur Airport on Long Island, Rizzi said he and his dog were the last to be seated on the small plane. He was seated in the middle of the back row looking onto the aisle with no seat in front of him for Doxy to lay under. Shortly after boarding, Rizzi said a flight attendant told him the dog would need to go under a seat for safety reasons. Several passengers in Rizzi's row offered to have the dog lay under their seats, and he was placed under the seat of the woman to his left, according to Rizzi. The plane was then delayed nearly two hours. While the plane was sitting on the runway, Doxy got up to reposition himself a few times, ending up under Rizzi's seat against the back of the plane, Rizzi said. The flight attendant asked Rizzi to control his dog and keep him underneath his neighbor's seat, according to Rizzi. After a heated exchange between Rizzi and the flight attendant, the pilot announced the plane would be returning to the gate. Rizzi and his dog were then escorted off the plane by airport security. That is not cool. Eyes or no eyes, you can't just kick somebody off the plane because of the behaviour of their little friend. And everybody on board saw it that way. After Rizzi and Doxy were removed from the plane, passengers demanded that the flight attendant be removed from the plane and Rizzi let back on, said fellow passenger Kurt Budke. He said that all 35 passengers banded together in support of Rizzi, and after realizing the passengers would not budge, the pilot announced the flight was canceled. I feel that if the flight attendant had tried to make alternate accommodations for Rizzi, the whole situation could have been avoided completely.

Paper retracts 150-year-old insult

In what might be one of the oldest corrections in the history of journalism, the editorial board of a Pennsylvania newspaper has retracted its predecessor's famous panning of President Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address as "silly remarks." "Seven score and ten years ago, the forefathers of this media institution brought forth to its audience a judgment so flawed, so tainted by hubris, so lacking in the perspective history would bring, that it cannot remain unaddressed in our archives," the editors of The Patriot-News wrote last Thursday, evoking the opening words and style of Lincoln's most famous speech. Back then, the editors of the Patriot & Union newspaper - an ancestor of today's Harrisburg paper - thought so little of Lincoln's "silly remarks" that they hoped "the veil of oblivion shall be dropped over them, and that they shall be no more reposted or thought of." Fair enough. The problem is, history didn't cooperate. And neither is Senate candidate Liz Cheney on the issue of gay marriage. She has touched off a family feud by speaking out against gay marriage — even though her sister Mary is married to a woman. Cheney, the daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney, believes marriage should be reserved for heterosexual couples only, despite the fact that her sister Mary married a Heather Poe in 2012. Gays are people too, and if they want to get married, we shouldn't deny them that right simply because the couple both have the same genitalia. I'm sure her remarks, or anybody's remarks for that matter, against gay marriage would've been much better received in Texas.

Homosapien won't tip the homosexual

A waitress in New Jersey who previously served in the Marines received an offensive note from a family who denied her a tip because of her "gay lifestyle." Now, she is speaking out against those very people whose freedom she once defended. Dayna Morales, a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in the township of Bridgewater, wrote an email to gay-friendly blog "Have A Gay Day" about her recent experience with homophobia while serving a family of diners. When Morales introduced herself to the couple and their two children, the mother was allegedly shocked by Morales' short hair. "Oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan," she allegedly said. "You sure surprised us!" At the end of the meal, Morales was left with no tip on the $93.55 bill (pictured). Instead, she found a note on the receipt, reading: "I'm sorry but I cannot tip because I don't agree with your lifestyle & how you live your life." Seriously, people, this is not nice. Not tipping is one thing, but that homophobic comment was just rude. If that family doesn't like homosexuality, they should move to Texas instead of being such a jerk to the people that saved their butts in places like Iraq and Afghanistan.

Breast is not best for judge

What if you or someone you love was forced to stop breastfeeding so that the child’s dad can have visitation? That’s what happened to Jessica Moser. A judge told her to stop breastfeeding her ten-month-old daughter in order for the baby to spend overnights with dad. In an interview with a local TV station Moser expressed her frustration that she was ordered to stop nursing or risk losing custody of her daughter. “I’m feeling frustrated, hurt,” Moser said. “I’m trying to keep myself from crying, it’s very emotional.” She also added that her daughter, Jasmine, refuses the bottle which leaves breastfeeding as the only other option. This is not cool. What if that baby was my niece (pictured)? My advice to Moser would be to keep breastfeeding anyway despite such a stupid court order. The baby should not be punished for the father's and the judge's flawed decision making. Now there is no question that Jasmine’s father should have visitation rights. However when it comes to breastfeeding, there should be no debating the issue. Even though she is old enough to consume solid foods, breast milk is still the best form of nutrition for any child her age. I'm sure one late-night cry fest with Daddy will be all that it takes for him to change his tune.

Tickets cancelled over confusing signs

More than 5,000 parking tickets will be refunded after "confusing" signs led motorists to park in bays meant for taxis, Westminster City Council said. The refunds, worth about £278,000, are for tickets incurred on dual-use bays along Oxendon Street, Jermyn Street, and Conduit Street. The signs put up in 2011 say charges apply between 8:30am and 6:30pm, but do not state that the dual-use bays become dedicated taxi ranks after 6:30. The signs have since been updated, and for good reason because dual-use bays are all about maximising the space at the kerbside in the city to enable fair and easy parking for everyone. However, the parking signs in the affected streets could have given rise to confusion among motorists, so it's only right that any tickets written for parking on the affected streets be reversed.

Mayor still clinging on

The embattled mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, has admitted that he has bought illegal drugs in the past two years. The BBC reports that his televised admission came during a heated council meeting in Canada's largest city, at which he was asked to step aside. In recent weeks, Mr Ford has admitted to smoking crack cocaine while in office and to struggling with drink. In a vote of 41-2, the council in Canada's largest city requested he take leave. The request was symbolic, as the council has no authority to remove him. Mr Ford has vowed to stay and to run for re-election in October 2014. I wish him luck with that, because it is highly unlikely the public will want him back in. But enough about that because the All Whites have a near-impossible mountain to climb to qualify for a second straight football World Cup next year in Brazil, after losing 5-1 to Mexico in their qualifying playoff first leg. They must now score at least four goals in the return leg in Wellington and hope the Mexicans don't score if they're to have any chance of qualifying for the finals next year. As well as the scoreline, the New Zealanders will be without three players next week in Wellington after striker Chris Wood, the veteran Ivan Vicelich, and fellow defender Leo Bertos were all yellow carded. That means the trio will have to sit out next Wednesday's match at Westpac Stadium, as their second yellows in World Cup qualifying mean an automatic one-match suspension.

We'll never be royals (royals)

But two teenage girls from New Zealand have become the next best thing (and NOT in terms of their developing bosoms): singer-songwriter Lorde (real name Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O'Connor) and Korean-born professional golf player Lydia Ko are being hailed as two of the most influential teenagers in the world by Time magazine. But that is where the good news for tonight stops because Bangladeshi police fired water cannon and rubber bullets to break up a protest by garment workers demanding a higher minimum wage, forcing the closure of more than 100 factories. The country's official wage board proposed a 77% rise in the minimum wage for garment workers last week. Factory owners said they could not afford the proposed increase, and that's because they're wasting company profits on their greedy jet-setting lifestyles. Maybe if they stopped trying to give themselves gout with their daily dinners of lobster and filet mignon with a side of caviar and the most expensive champagne known to man and started paying the workers more, this wouldn't be happening.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Drugs

Two 12-year-old boys are being praised for calling to mind the advice of Harold the Giraffe when they were offered drugs from strangers on their way to school. The Whangarei Intermediate School Year 7 students were approached by two strangers in their late teens and offered drugs on Friday morning. The boys said no and went straight to the school office to tell a teacher. One of the boys told his mother Harold the Giraffe, a puppet used as a learning tool with the Life Education Trust, had visited Whangarei Intermediate School and taught them how to say no to drugs. That was the responsible and mature thing to do. Those two did exactly what they should have done when confronted with those bellends, and it is clear from their actions that they understand right from wrong.

Reds bouncing back in earnest

Robin van Persie's superb header accounted for Barclays Premier League leaders Arsenal and catapulted Manchester United into the top five and firmly into the title race this morning on a tense afternoon (British Summer Time) at Old Trafford. In a game of few chances and five yellow cards, the Dutchman's first-half header from a Wayne Rooney corner made the tangible difference between champions and pace-setters, but the foundations for success were built on a magnificently dogged defensive display from David Moyes' men. I feel Moyes is finally starting to prove himself in his capacity as team manager, but they still need at least two wins to close the gap to the top, and they would still need to keep it up until the last game of the season so that Manchester City doesn't come in from behind and take the title.

Life's a printed gun

A Texas company says it has made the first metal gun using a 3D printer, taking the debate over people's emerging ability to create their own firearms to a new level. Solid Concepts, a specialty manufacturing company, said in a blog post it has fired more than 50 rounds from the handgun, even hitting a few bull's-eyes at more than 25 metres. The pistol is a version of an M1911, a handgun designed by John Browning and first used widely in the latter stages of combat stemming from the Philippine-American War. It's built from 33 mostly stainless-steel parts and has a carbon-fibre handgrip carved with a laser. I can see why they'd want to try making their own gun, considering that the company is based in a redneck state, but the company has gone out of its way to point out that producing the metal gun isn't meant to advance a trend that worries law enforcement and some politicians. As 3D printers become more widespread and affordable, some envision a near future in which criminals can crank out untraceable weapons without having to leave their homes, and one day, some bellend would be able to bring one of those into my sister's home and shoot my niece (pictured) at point-blank range. I have a message to anyone who is thinking right now of doing just that: IF YOU SHOOT HAZEL, YOU'LL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH.

Star Wars movie to come to life on Life Day

Lucasfilm has announced the new date for the debut of the next Star Wars trilogy, and despite some script rewriting that is currently underway, the movie will not be pushed to later in 2016. In terms of the release date, the seventh movie is going to boldly go where no Star Wars movie has gone before - fans can expect to revisit the galaxy far, far away on Dec. 18, 2015. The December release date will make it the first Star Wars film to open around the Christmas holiday — or “Life Day” as it’s known among the Wookiees. The previous films have all premiered in May, with three-year intervals between each instalment. But here's something you won't have to wait two years for: Butterbeer, the beloved drink that Harry, Ron, Hermione, and so many others down regularly throughout the Harry Potter books, is coming to Starbucks, per a note at Dalebacar.com. "Harry Potter can’t be real", your friends may explain to you every holiday season, "you can’t even order Butterbeer at restaurants not named The Three Broomsticks." Well, this week Starbucks proved if you wish for something long enough, it’ll come true and then your friends can’t make fun of you anymore. Butterbeer won’t be advertised on the menu though; instead you will have to use a secret password (sound familiar?) to access the frothy beverage. The password being this here recipe: a Creme Frappuccino base (blue milk is required for the right consistency), 3 pumps each of caramel and toffee nut syrups, and top with caramel drizzle.

Torch in Space

A three-man crew successfully blasted off into space with the Olympic torch yesterday, ready to take it on its first space walk in what they said would be a spectacular showcase for the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi. Japan's Koichi Wakata pumped the air with his fist as the Soyuz rocket, painted with snowflake patterns, took off on a crisp morning, an onboard camera showed. The crew sat beneath a stuffed polar bear wrapped in a blue scarf. The space flight is part of what will be the longest torch relay before a Winter Olympics, which President Vladimir Putin hopes will boost Russia's image and show what it can achieve, more than two decades after the Soviet Union collapsed. One should remember that Putin has a long way to go before he can become the best leader he can be. So far, the only good thing post-Soviet Russia has achieved under Putin is granting Edward Snowden asylum (that's right, even America has its downsides). Putin could score some more cool points as a leader by admitting and correcting his recent mistakes, and he can start by repealing that stupid gay propaganda law, letting Americans adopt Russian kids again, and freeing Pussy Riot. In other news, Marvel Comics have introduced a gladly welcomed dash of diversity into their ranks by relaunching the character Ms. Marvel as a 16-year-old girl of Pakistani-American heritage. The comic will centre on 16-year-old Kamela Khan, a Muslim schoolgirl living in New Jersey who is coming to terms with teenage angst, strict traditionalist parents, and her newly discovered super powers. So to sum it up, Kamela Khan will assume the identity of Ms Marvel when she faces up to criminals in the latest comic series, which is due out early next year.

Web inventor leading the charge on spies

The British computer scientist who created the world wide web has said encryption cracking by UK and US spy agencies is "appalling and foolish". Sir Tim Berners-Lee told the Guardian that the practice undermined efforts to fight cybercrime and cyberwarfare. He called for a "full and frank public debate" on internet surveillance. It comes as a parliamentary committee is due to quiz the heads of the UK's spying agencies - GCHQ, MI5, and MI6 - together in public for the first time. Also happening for the first time, Twitter is about to trade some of its stock on the New York Stock Exchange. Twitter shares have been priced at US$26 each, ahead of its impending debut on the NYSE. That is above the $23 to $25 range announced on Monday and values the short messaging service at more than US$18bn. That makes it the biggest market debut for a technology firm since Facebook went public last year. But seriously, nobody cares. The bubble will burst one day, and then whatever stock you bought will become worthless, just like bullying. Speaking of which, it is claimed that concerns about a "bullying culture" at a hospital now under police investigation were raised more than a year ago. The Care Quality Commission (CQC) has found "inaccuracies" in the cancer waiting time data at Colchester Hospital. The Royal College of Nursing says the hospital dismissed its concerns raised more than a year ago as "fantasy". The hospital said an investigation carried out by its own management in February 2012 was "not adequate". Staff told inspectors they were "pressured or bullied" to change data relating to patients and their treatment to make it seem people were being treated in line with national guidelines, the CQC said. The inspector said patients' lives may have been put at risk. Essex Police has been sent information by the CQC and is currently investigating whether there are grounds for a formal criminal investigation. They should also get Chuck Norris to deal with it. Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia and fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, but fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Burka man on the run

A taskforce has been assembled to try to locate and catch Mohammed Ahmed Mohamed (pictured), a terror suspect who escaped from his government minders by disguising himself in a burka. Mohamed, who was subject to an order restricting his movements, left a London mosque on Friday with his face and body covered. The Met Police's Counter Terrorism Command, MI5, and the UK Border Agency are now joining forces to find him. Mr Mohamed is believed to have close links to al-Shabab, the Somali insurgent group that raided Nairobi's Westgate shopping mall in September, resulting in 67 deaths, but officials say there was not enough evidence to bring a criminal case against him in court. It is not known at this point in time where he could be headed next, but while UK Border Agency officers at Britain's ports and airports look out for the suspect, MI5 are working closely with the police to try to second-guess where he would be likely to go. One possibility is that he could lie low and stay in Britain. Investigators are considering the probability that he will make contact with elements of the criminal underworld, although he may be wary of exploiting existing links. But if Mr Mohamed wants to stay out of custody he will need a new, forged identity, but he still risks being recognised and having his whereabouts phoned in to the police by the public. Another possibility is that he could go to Kenya where there is a well-established secret pipeline used by al-Shabab associates to pass through the country on their way from Europe and the US to Somalia. The Kenyan authorities may be able to apprehend him, but plenty of jihadist volunteers have used the porous Kenya-Somali border to slip through the net and join al-Shabab. A third potential option under consideration is that Mr Mohamed could flee to Europe. If he can assume a new identity then he may be able to assimilate himself into the Somali diaspora in a European country with a sizeable community, such as Norway. But most Somalis do not want to be associated with al-Shabab, and with his picture so widely circulated, he could be easily recognised. So it's pretty much over for him unless he heads to a foreign embassy, comes up with a good sob story, and applies for asylum.