Fourth kid off the roll

The co-Bellends of the Month for November 2013 are Logan Beaschler, Colin Warren, Joseph Bomgardner, and a fourth student at a California university who has been suspended for being involved in alleged racially motivated abuse of a black student, an occurrence that has led to student protests on campus. The suspension of the fourth student, which followed suspensions and misdemeanor hate crime charges against the three named students, was disclosed by San Jose State University President Mohammed Qayoumi in a statement last Friday. Qayoumi did not identify the fourth student or say whether he might also face charges. The victim in the incident that led to student protests at the campus in Northern California has also not been named. The students are accused of using racist terms to refer to the victim, displayed Nazi symbols and a Confederate flag in their suite, and once tried to put a U-shaped bicycle lock around the victim's neck, causing him minor injuries when he fought back. This is not the right way to act around people of colour. That behaviour seriously needs to be dealt with in the strictest manner possible, and the president did the right thing in suspending the students who pulled that crap. This is seriously not on.

Who let their names out?

Peaches Geldof is facing a police investigation after naming the mothers who allegedly offered their babies to Lostprophets pedophile rocker Ian Watkins. The daughter of Boomtown Rats singer Bob Geldof reportedly tweeted out the names of two crazed groupies who allegedly agreed to let singer Ian Watkins abuse their own children. Watkins has pleaded guilty to 13 counts of child sexual assault — including two counts of attempting to rape a baby. The accused mothers, whom the courts have named ‘Woman A’ and ‘Woman B’, are co-defendants with Watkins, who maintains that he didn’t successfully rape an 11-month-old, but admitted to two counts of attempted rape. He is also accused of feeling up a 1-year-old, possessing and creating child porn, and plotting to rape a baby. He even allegedly urged a groupie to abuse her own child on Skype. All three face a total of 32 charges, but that's nothing compared to Maria Kang, the mother of three who created a firestorm when she posted a photo challenging other moms to be as trim as her. Apparently, she's at it again - she was banned from Facebook after posting a tirade against plus-size women who pose in lingerie to promote body confidence. Kang has shot into the spotlight once more by writing she was "annoyed" by "news stories about how overweight, nearly obese women should be proud of their bodies," according to California TV station News10. The 32-year-old — last month dubbed a "fat shamer" for uploading a snap of her toned body and kids with a "What's your excuse?" caption — said Curvy Girl Lingerie's selfie photo campaign "normalizes being unhealthy." "We need to change this strange mentality we are breeding in the U.S. and start celebrating people who are a result of hard work, dedication, and discipline," she wrote, adding "I'm not bashing those who are proud and overweight, I am empowering those who are proud and healthy to come out and be the real role models in our society." She's wondering what our "excuse" is, but we all want to know what hers is for posting that rubbish. A person's a person, no matter how fat.

Against the grain

What we're dealing with here is a school lunch made up of leftover roast beef, potatoes, carrots, oranges, and milk. It's a healthier option than most, but it was deemed “unbalanced” by a Canadian school, and so the school supplemented two siblings’ lunches with Ritz crackers to “balance” it. And it just gets better - their Lunch Nazis had the nerve to charge the parents a C$5 (NZ$5.80) fine (ticket pictured) for each lunch they “corrected.” This happened at a school in Manitoba, where the provincial government’s Early Learning and Child Care Department follows a policy that lunches must meet its Food Guide standards, and schools apparently are to correct any lunches that parents failed at sending with the proper elements, as determined by the Food Guide and the teachers inspecting the lunches, and the parents will be charged a fine for each item missing. In this instance, the parent, Kristen Bartkiw, apparently failed to include a grain in her two children’s lunches, requiring the supplementation with the Ritz crackers when a much better option would've been to make the roast beef into sandwiches (preferably on wholegrain bread). I'm sure the school meant well, but one must remember that Bartkiw sent a wonderfully wholesome lunch. The school shouldn't then add junky snack food and call it balanced. Had she sent along lunches consisting of microwave Kraft Dinner and a hot dog, a package of fruit twists, a Cheestring, and a juice box, that lunch would technically be within the guidelines. The moral of this story is that the Manitoba government should have registered dietitians on staff working on an ongoing basis with all community-based organizations that serve food, including daycares.

Lostprophet becomes a Lostcause

Ian Watkins, singer of Welsh rock band Lostprophets, has pleaded guilty to a series of "depraved" child sex offences including attempted rape of a baby. He had previously "furiously denied" the allegations. The 36-year-old from Pontypridd and two women had been due to stand trial at Cardiff Crown Court. Watkins pleaded guilty to attempted rape and sexual assault of a child under 13 but not guilty to rape. This was accepted by the prosecution. Sentencing will take place on 18 December, and it would most likely serve him right. Anyone who does that to kids should get what's coming to them - a human booster shot administered in the prison showers as soon as the soap is dropped. Speaking of soap, children are, according to The New Zealand Herald, becoming sick at one of the country’s most modern new schools, because for three years the board banned soap and hand towels, fearing that they harmed the environment. The school, which has Greenstar accreditation for environmentally friendly design, has a healthy attendance rate of 93.4 per cent with no unusual illnesses. But some parents say their children are suffering due to the school founders’ green philosophy and have complained to the board about their children’s repeated bouts of illness. Seriously, people, a ban on students learning would've made more sense than banning soap.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Stoning

Afghan government officials have proposed reintroducing public stoning as a punishment for adultery, Human Rights Watch said, even though the practice has been denounced both inside and outside the country as one of the most repugnant symbols of the Taliban regime. The sentence for married adulterers, along with flogging for unmarried offenders, appears in a draft revision of the country's penal code being managed by the ministry of justice. News that the government is contemplating bringing back a much-reviled punishment is unlikely to go down well with western governments that back Kabul, and I can see why: this is the latest sign that human rights won at great cost since the Taliban were ousted in 2001 are rolling back as foreign troops withdraw. Billions have been invested on promoting human rights in Afghanistan over more than 12 years of war and donors fear that hard won progress, particularly for women, may be eroding. During the Taliban's 1996-2001 time in power, convicted adulterers were routinely shot or stoned in executions held mostly on Fridays. Women were not permitted to go out on their own, girls were barred from schools, and men were obliged to grow long beards. This is why foreign troops should stay indefinitely.

In for a point

A last-minute equaliser from substitute Kim Bo-Kyung snatched a draw for Cardiff City this morning at Cardiff City Stadium and dealt Manchester United a frustrating setback in the Barclays Premier League title race. First-half goals from Wayne Rooney and Patrice Evra came either side of Fraizer Campbell's equaliser for the hosts, who tested the champions throughout but rarely threatened goalkeeper David De Gea prior to Kim's late leveller. I think the real problem here is that shorn of several key players through injury, including top scorer Robin van Persie, manager David Moyes made five changes to the side which overcame Arsenal prior to the recent international hiatus, and that sizeable reshuffle contributed to a disjointed first half display from the champions in a game which saw four players receive yellow cards.

306-year-old union still has 28 months left in it

Scotland could be independent on 24 March, 2016, if voters back leaving the UK in the independence referendum next year, the Deputy First Minister has announced. The date is included in the Scottish government's White Paper, described as a "blueprint" for independence. Nicola Sturgeon said it was a "landmark document" which has economic growth, jobs, and fairness at its heart. "This guide to an independent Scotland will be the most comprehensive and detailed blueprint of its kind ever published, not just for Scotland but for any prospective independent country," she said. "It is a landmark document which sets out the economic, social, and democratic case for independence. It demonstrates Scotland's financial strengths and details how we will become independent - the negotiations, preparations, and agreements that will be required in the transition period from a vote for independence in September next year to our proposed Independence Day of 24 March 2016 and in time for the first elections to an independent Scottish Parliament in May of that year." But enough about that because plans for a 1km inflatable solar chimney have been outlined by a leading balloon specialist. Per Lindstrand, who crossed the Pacific in a balloon with Sir Richard Branson in 1991, said the technology could offer more efficient green power generation in remote areas. It could help in areas with high seismic activity, where maintenance of solid structures is difficult. But what would really help is if this novel power generator became widespread enough to put Big Oil out of business, and then we would have cheaper, cleaner power where it is needed.

8th generation gets seven-digit sales on two consoles

Microsoft says that more than 1 million Xbox One consoles have been sold worldwide since their midnight launch. The company says that surpasses first-day sales of the Xbox 360, the previous-generation model that went on sale eight years ago. The new console was launched in 13 markets. The software giant said yesterday that it sold had out at most retailers and that it is working to replenish stocks. It added that in the first day of game play, fans killed over 60 million zombies in "Dead Rising 3" and drove more than 3.6 million miles on "Forza Motorsport 5." The sales figure matches that of Sony, which said last week that more than 1 million PlayStation 4 consoles had been sold in the 24 hours since its release. So what? It's not like there will ever be a winner in the console wars. The PS4 has its scene, Xbox One have theirs. But enough about that because Shakil Afridi, the hero Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA pinpoint bin Laden's compound ahead of the Navy SEAL raid that killed the Al Qaeda leader, has been charged with murder - for trying to save a little boy stricken with appendicitis six years ago, according to his attorney. The bizarre charge comes as international pressure mounts on Pakistan to free Afridi, who was sentenced last year to 33 years in prison for "conspiring against the state," a sanction western observers believe was a pretext to punish him for helping the U.S. Afridi executed a vaccination ruse that helped establish bin Laden's presence in an Abbottabad compound, a development seen as embarrassing for Pakistan, which claimed not to know the world's most wanted man was living openly a stone's throw away from a military complex.

Going nuts about nuts

People who regularly eat nuts appear to live longer, according to the largest study of its kind. And no, I do not mean testicles. I mean a fruit composed of a hard shell and a seed, where the hard-shelled fruit does not open to release the seed. But back to the study, the findings of which were published in the New England Journal of Medicine. It suggested the greatest benefit was in those munching on a daily portion. The American-based team said nut eaters were likely to also have healthy lifestyles, but the nuts themselves were also contributing to their longer lifespan. The study followed nearly 120,000 people for 30 years. The more regularly people consumed nuts, the less likely they were to die during the study. However, the British Heart Foundation said more research was needed to prove the link. Be that the case or be that not the case, the fact remains that nuts are good for you. Nuts, if you're reading this, don't ever change.

Brown to run it back to rehab

Chris Brown is heading back to rehab for a court-ordered 90-day stay. The singer, who checked out of a rehab facility in Malibu last week after just 13 days, has been ordered back to rehab for the next three months by a Los Angeles judge after it was revealed that he was actually kicked out of the previous clinic for throwing a rock through his mother's windshield while she was visiting. Brown's mother urged him to remain in the care of the rehab center for an extended stay, but he didn't take her advice too well. Brown faced L.A. Superior Court Judge James Brandlin yesterday, and at the recommendation of the probation department, Brandlin ordered him to spend 90 days in a court-approved, live-in anger management program. I feel this could be a good thing for him. Also good is this: safer condoms will be one of the first products developed at the new National Graphene Institute in Manchester. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has awarded scientists US$100000 to create stronger, thinner condoms from the new "wonder material". I'm sure it will be a long time before one of those condoms breaks during coitus. But alas, even graphene has a breaking point, for it is not Chuck Norris. For those who like it dry, however, the lotus leaf was thought to be the gold standard for staying dry in nature, but now a team from MIT in Boston say they have surpassed it with what is the "most waterproof material ever". This material is inspired by nasturtium leaves and butterfly wings. The new "super-hydrophobic" surface could keep clothes dry and stop aircraft engines icing over. By adding tiny ridges to a silicon surface, water will bounce off it 40% faster than the previous "limit". Similar ridges are found in nature on the wings of the Morpho butterfly and the veins of nasturtium leaves.

Pastor up against hate group

A Pennyslvania Methodist minister convicted by a jury of his ecclesiastical peers of breaking church law for presiding over his son's wedding to a man is refusing to repent. "I did not want to make this a protest about the doctrine of the church. I wasn't trying to be an advocate," The Rev. Frank Schaefer, a father of four, testified yesterday in a hearing to determine his punishment. "I just wanted this to be a beautiful family affair, and it was that." Rev. Schaefer took a visible and increasingly clear stand over the course of yesterday's proceedings, wearing a rainbow-colored stole on the witness stand. He declined the church prosecution's offer to "repent of and renounce his disobedience to the Methodist Book of Discipline," the Associated Press reported, and refused to promise that he wouldn't officiate at more same-sex unions. Later in the day, his tone became more defiant. The church "needs to stop judging people based on their sexual orientation. We have to stop the hate speech. We have to stop treating them as second-class Christians," he said. "I will never be silent again." OK so he broke church law. But it was the right thing to do. Gays are people too, and if they want to get married, we should let them even though the Bible says otherwise. Let's just hope another pastor has the courage to stand up for Schaefer and what he believes in.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Banishing the blind man

Usually airline passengers side with flight attendants when it comes to safety, but in the case of a US Airways flight last Wednesday, passengers rallied around a blind man and his guide dog and disembarked en masse. All 35 passengers on US Airways Flight 4384 walked off the plane after Albert Rizzi, a blind man from Long Island, and his dog, Doxy, were escorted off the flight after a heated exchange between Rizzi and a flight attendant about where his dog was placed, according to Rizzi. Although he was first to arrive on the tarmac for the flight from Philadelphia International Airport to MacArthur Airport on Long Island, Rizzi said he and his dog were the last to be seated on the small plane. He was seated in the middle of the back row looking onto the aisle with no seat in front of him for Doxy to lay under. Shortly after boarding, Rizzi said a flight attendant told him the dog would need to go under a seat for safety reasons. Several passengers in Rizzi's row offered to have the dog lay under their seats, and he was placed under the seat of the woman to his left, according to Rizzi. The plane was then delayed nearly two hours. While the plane was sitting on the runway, Doxy got up to reposition himself a few times, ending up under Rizzi's seat against the back of the plane, Rizzi said. The flight attendant asked Rizzi to control his dog and keep him underneath his neighbor's seat, according to Rizzi. After a heated exchange between Rizzi and the flight attendant, the pilot announced the plane would be returning to the gate. Rizzi and his dog were then escorted off the plane by airport security. That is not cool. Eyes or no eyes, you can't just kick somebody off the plane because of the behaviour of their little friend. And everybody on board saw it that way. After Rizzi and Doxy were removed from the plane, passengers demanded that the flight attendant be removed from the plane and Rizzi let back on, said fellow passenger Kurt Budke. He said that all 35 passengers banded together in support of Rizzi, and after realizing the passengers would not budge, the pilot announced the flight was canceled. I feel that if the flight attendant had tried to make alternate accommodations for Rizzi, the whole situation could have been avoided completely.

Paper retracts 150-year-old insult

In what might be one of the oldest corrections in the history of journalism, the editorial board of a Pennsylvania newspaper has retracted its predecessor's famous panning of President Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address as "silly remarks." "Seven score and ten years ago, the forefathers of this media institution brought forth to its audience a judgment so flawed, so tainted by hubris, so lacking in the perspective history would bring, that it cannot remain unaddressed in our archives," the editors of The Patriot-News wrote last Thursday, evoking the opening words and style of Lincoln's most famous speech. Back then, the editors of the Patriot & Union newspaper - an ancestor of today's Harrisburg paper - thought so little of Lincoln's "silly remarks" that they hoped "the veil of oblivion shall be dropped over them, and that they shall be no more reposted or thought of." Fair enough. The problem is, history didn't cooperate. And neither is Senate candidate Liz Cheney on the issue of gay marriage. She has touched off a family feud by speaking out against gay marriage — even though her sister Mary is married to a woman. Cheney, the daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney, believes marriage should be reserved for heterosexual couples only, despite the fact that her sister Mary married a Heather Poe in 2012. Gays are people too, and if they want to get married, we shouldn't deny them that right simply because the couple both have the same genitalia. I'm sure her remarks, or anybody's remarks for that matter, against gay marriage would've been much better received in Texas.

Homosapien won't tip the homosexual

A waitress in New Jersey who previously served in the Marines received an offensive note from a family who denied her a tip because of her "gay lifestyle." Now, she is speaking out against those very people whose freedom she once defended. Dayna Morales, a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in the township of Bridgewater, wrote an email to gay-friendly blog "Have A Gay Day" about her recent experience with homophobia while serving a family of diners. When Morales introduced herself to the couple and their two children, the mother was allegedly shocked by Morales' short hair. "Oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan," she allegedly said. "You sure surprised us!" At the end of the meal, Morales was left with no tip on the $93.55 bill (pictured). Instead, she found a note on the receipt, reading: "I'm sorry but I cannot tip because I don't agree with your lifestyle & how you live your life." Seriously, people, this is not nice. Not tipping is one thing, but that homophobic comment was just rude. If that family doesn't like homosexuality, they should move to Texas instead of being such a jerk to the people that saved their butts in places like Iraq and Afghanistan.

Breast is not best for judge

What if you or someone you love was forced to stop breastfeeding so that the child’s dad can have visitation? That’s what happened to Jessica Moser. A judge told her to stop breastfeeding her ten-month-old daughter in order for the baby to spend overnights with dad. In an interview with a local TV station Moser expressed her frustration that she was ordered to stop nursing or risk losing custody of her daughter. “I’m feeling frustrated, hurt,” Moser said. “I’m trying to keep myself from crying, it’s very emotional.” She also added that her daughter, Jasmine, refuses the bottle which leaves breastfeeding as the only other option. This is not cool. What if that baby was my niece (pictured)? My advice to Moser would be to keep breastfeeding anyway despite such a stupid court order. The baby should not be punished for the father's and the judge's flawed decision making. Now there is no question that Jasmine’s father should have visitation rights. However when it comes to breastfeeding, there should be no debating the issue. Even though she is old enough to consume solid foods, breast milk is still the best form of nutrition for any child her age. I'm sure one late-night cry fest with Daddy will be all that it takes for him to change his tune.

Tickets cancelled over confusing signs

More than 5,000 parking tickets will be refunded after "confusing" signs led motorists to park in bays meant for taxis, Westminster City Council said. The refunds, worth about £278,000, are for tickets incurred on dual-use bays along Oxendon Street, Jermyn Street, and Conduit Street. The signs put up in 2011 say charges apply between 8:30am and 6:30pm, but do not state that the dual-use bays become dedicated taxi ranks after 6:30. The signs have since been updated, and for good reason because dual-use bays are all about maximising the space at the kerbside in the city to enable fair and easy parking for everyone. However, the parking signs in the affected streets could have given rise to confusion among motorists, so it's only right that any tickets written for parking on the affected streets be reversed.

Mayor still clinging on

The embattled mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, has admitted that he has bought illegal drugs in the past two years. The BBC reports that his televised admission came during a heated council meeting in Canada's largest city, at which he was asked to step aside. In recent weeks, Mr Ford has admitted to smoking crack cocaine while in office and to struggling with drink. In a vote of 41-2, the council in Canada's largest city requested he take leave. The request was symbolic, as the council has no authority to remove him. Mr Ford has vowed to stay and to run for re-election in October 2014. I wish him luck with that, because it is highly unlikely the public will want him back in. But enough about that because the All Whites have a near-impossible mountain to climb to qualify for a second straight football World Cup next year in Brazil, after losing 5-1 to Mexico in their qualifying playoff first leg. They must now score at least four goals in the return leg in Wellington and hope the Mexicans don't score if they're to have any chance of qualifying for the finals next year. As well as the scoreline, the New Zealanders will be without three players next week in Wellington after striker Chris Wood, the veteran Ivan Vicelich, and fellow defender Leo Bertos were all yellow carded. That means the trio will have to sit out next Wednesday's match at Westpac Stadium, as their second yellows in World Cup qualifying mean an automatic one-match suspension.

We'll never be royals (royals)

But two teenage girls from New Zealand have become the next best thing (and NOT in terms of their developing bosoms): singer-songwriter Lorde (real name Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O'Connor) and Korean-born professional golf player Lydia Ko are being hailed as two of the most influential teenagers in the world by Time magazine. But that is where the good news for tonight stops because Bangladeshi police fired water cannon and rubber bullets to break up a protest by garment workers demanding a higher minimum wage, forcing the closure of more than 100 factories. The country's official wage board proposed a 77% rise in the minimum wage for garment workers last week. Factory owners said they could not afford the proposed increase, and that's because they're wasting company profits on their greedy jet-setting lifestyles. Maybe if they stopped trying to give themselves gout with their daily dinners of lobster and filet mignon with a side of caviar and the most expensive champagne known to man and started paying the workers more, this wouldn't be happening.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Drugs

Two 12-year-old boys are being praised for calling to mind the advice of Harold the Giraffe when they were offered drugs from strangers on their way to school. The Whangarei Intermediate School Year 7 students were approached by two strangers in their late teens and offered drugs on Friday morning. The boys said no and went straight to the school office to tell a teacher. One of the boys told his mother Harold the Giraffe, a puppet used as a learning tool with the Life Education Trust, had visited Whangarei Intermediate School and taught them how to say no to drugs. That was the responsible and mature thing to do. Those two did exactly what they should have done when confronted with those bellends, and it is clear from their actions that they understand right from wrong.

Reds bouncing back in earnest

Robin van Persie's superb header accounted for Barclays Premier League leaders Arsenal and catapulted Manchester United into the top five and firmly into the title race this morning on a tense afternoon (British Summer Time) at Old Trafford. In a game of few chances and five yellow cards, the Dutchman's first-half header from a Wayne Rooney corner made the tangible difference between champions and pace-setters, but the foundations for success were built on a magnificently dogged defensive display from David Moyes' men. I feel Moyes is finally starting to prove himself in his capacity as team manager, but they still need at least two wins to close the gap to the top, and they would still need to keep it up until the last game of the season so that Manchester City doesn't come in from behind and take the title.

Life's a printed gun

A Texas company says it has made the first metal gun using a 3D printer, taking the debate over people's emerging ability to create their own firearms to a new level. Solid Concepts, a specialty manufacturing company, said in a blog post it has fired more than 50 rounds from the handgun, even hitting a few bull's-eyes at more than 25 metres. The pistol is a version of an M1911, a handgun designed by John Browning and first used widely in the latter stages of combat stemming from the Philippine-American War. It's built from 33 mostly stainless-steel parts and has a carbon-fibre handgrip carved with a laser. I can see why they'd want to try making their own gun, considering that the company is based in a redneck state, but the company has gone out of its way to point out that producing the metal gun isn't meant to advance a trend that worries law enforcement and some politicians. As 3D printers become more widespread and affordable, some envision a near future in which criminals can crank out untraceable weapons without having to leave their homes, and one day, some bellend would be able to bring one of those into my sister's home and shoot my niece (pictured) at point-blank range. I have a message to anyone who is thinking right now of doing just that: IF YOU SHOOT HAZEL, YOU'LL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH.

Star Wars movie to come to life on Life Day

Lucasfilm has announced the new date for the debut of the next Star Wars trilogy, and despite some script rewriting that is currently underway, the movie will not be pushed to later in 2016. In terms of the release date, the seventh movie is going to boldly go where no Star Wars movie has gone before - fans can expect to revisit the galaxy far, far away on Dec. 18, 2015. The December release date will make it the first Star Wars film to open around the Christmas holiday — or “Life Day” as it’s known among the Wookiees. The previous films have all premiered in May, with three-year intervals between each instalment. But here's something you won't have to wait two years for: Butterbeer, the beloved drink that Harry, Ron, Hermione, and so many others down regularly throughout the Harry Potter books, is coming to Starbucks, per a note at Dalebacar.com. "Harry Potter can’t be real", your friends may explain to you every holiday season, "you can’t even order Butterbeer at restaurants not named The Three Broomsticks." Well, this week Starbucks proved if you wish for something long enough, it’ll come true and then your friends can’t make fun of you anymore. Butterbeer won’t be advertised on the menu though; instead you will have to use a secret password (sound familiar?) to access the frothy beverage. The password being this here recipe: a Creme Frappuccino base (blue milk is required for the right consistency), 3 pumps each of caramel and toffee nut syrups, and top with caramel drizzle.

Torch in Space

A three-man crew successfully blasted off into space with the Olympic torch yesterday, ready to take it on its first space walk in what they said would be a spectacular showcase for the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi. Japan's Koichi Wakata pumped the air with his fist as the Soyuz rocket, painted with snowflake patterns, took off on a crisp morning, an onboard camera showed. The crew sat beneath a stuffed polar bear wrapped in a blue scarf. The space flight is part of what will be the longest torch relay before a Winter Olympics, which President Vladimir Putin hopes will boost Russia's image and show what it can achieve, more than two decades after the Soviet Union collapsed. One should remember that Putin has a long way to go before he can become the best leader he can be. So far, the only good thing post-Soviet Russia has achieved under Putin is granting Edward Snowden asylum (that's right, even America has its downsides). Putin could score some more cool points as a leader by admitting and correcting his recent mistakes, and he can start by repealing that stupid gay propaganda law, letting Americans adopt Russian kids again, and freeing Pussy Riot. In other news, Marvel Comics have introduced a gladly welcomed dash of diversity into their ranks by relaunching the character Ms. Marvel as a 16-year-old girl of Pakistani-American heritage. The comic will centre on 16-year-old Kamela Khan, a Muslim schoolgirl living in New Jersey who is coming to terms with teenage angst, strict traditionalist parents, and her newly discovered super powers. So to sum it up, Kamela Khan will assume the identity of Ms Marvel when she faces up to criminals in the latest comic series, which is due out early next year.

Web inventor leading the charge on spies

The British computer scientist who created the world wide web has said encryption cracking by UK and US spy agencies is "appalling and foolish". Sir Tim Berners-Lee told the Guardian that the practice undermined efforts to fight cybercrime and cyberwarfare. He called for a "full and frank public debate" on internet surveillance. It comes as a parliamentary committee is due to quiz the heads of the UK's spying agencies - GCHQ, MI5, and MI6 - together in public for the first time. Also happening for the first time, Twitter is about to trade some of its stock on the New York Stock Exchange. Twitter shares have been priced at US$26 each, ahead of its impending debut on the NYSE. That is above the $23 to $25 range announced on Monday and values the short messaging service at more than US$18bn. That makes it the biggest market debut for a technology firm since Facebook went public last year. But seriously, nobody cares. The bubble will burst one day, and then whatever stock you bought will become worthless, just like bullying. Speaking of which, it is claimed that concerns about a "bullying culture" at a hospital now under police investigation were raised more than a year ago. The Care Quality Commission (CQC) has found "inaccuracies" in the cancer waiting time data at Colchester Hospital. The Royal College of Nursing says the hospital dismissed its concerns raised more than a year ago as "fantasy". The hospital said an investigation carried out by its own management in February 2012 was "not adequate". Staff told inspectors they were "pressured or bullied" to change data relating to patients and their treatment to make it seem people were being treated in line with national guidelines, the CQC said. The inspector said patients' lives may have been put at risk. Essex Police has been sent information by the CQC and is currently investigating whether there are grounds for a formal criminal investigation. They should also get Chuck Norris to deal with it. Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia and fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, but fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Burka man on the run

A taskforce has been assembled to try to locate and catch Mohammed Ahmed Mohamed (pictured), a terror suspect who escaped from his government minders by disguising himself in a burka. Mohamed, who was subject to an order restricting his movements, left a London mosque on Friday with his face and body covered. The Met Police's Counter Terrorism Command, MI5, and the UK Border Agency are now joining forces to find him. Mr Mohamed is believed to have close links to al-Shabab, the Somali insurgent group that raided Nairobi's Westgate shopping mall in September, resulting in 67 deaths, but officials say there was not enough evidence to bring a criminal case against him in court. It is not known at this point in time where he could be headed next, but while UK Border Agency officers at Britain's ports and airports look out for the suspect, MI5 are working closely with the police to try to second-guess where he would be likely to go. One possibility is that he could lie low and stay in Britain. Investigators are considering the probability that he will make contact with elements of the criminal underworld, although he may be wary of exploiting existing links. But if Mr Mohamed wants to stay out of custody he will need a new, forged identity, but he still risks being recognised and having his whereabouts phoned in to the police by the public. Another possibility is that he could go to Kenya where there is a well-established secret pipeline used by al-Shabab associates to pass through the country on their way from Europe and the US to Somalia. The Kenyan authorities may be able to apprehend him, but plenty of jihadist volunteers have used the porous Kenya-Somali border to slip through the net and join al-Shabab. A third potential option under consideration is that Mr Mohamed could flee to Europe. If he can assume a new identity then he may be able to assimilate himself into the Somali diaspora in a European country with a sizeable community, such as Norway. But most Somalis do not want to be associated with al-Shabab, and with his picture so widely circulated, he could be easily recognised. So it's pretty much over for him unless he heads to a foreign embassy, comes up with a good sob story, and applies for asylum.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Not going for the chocolate chips

And no, I don't mean black California Highway Patrol officers. I mean this: Lay's is to launch a chocolate-covered potato chip for the holiday season. In news that is likely to divide snackers, the Wavy chips dipped in milk chocolate are in Target stores across America for a limited time, according to USA Today. The paper reports that the snacks will cost US$3.49 per 5oz bag, and if they prove popular, could be made a permanent addition to the Lay's product line. Lay's chocolate potato chips is the latest unlikely product to combine sweet and salty flavours, a growing trend in the multi-billion-dollar snack market that food manufacturers are keen to cash in on. We already have flavour combinations like maple-bacon and salted caramel on the market, but for Lay's, the chocolate chips is its first foray into sweet-salty territory. If something like this was being sold in New Zealand, then I would definitely consider trying this product, which could prove to be a hit. And speaking of hits, a fan of a US baseball team is suing the club after allegedly being hit by a hot dog thrown by its mascot. She claims she had to have an operation to repair a damaged retina after being hit in the eye by the snack at a Kansas City Royals game, and a second operation to remove a cataract which developed later on. The alleged incident, in September 2009, is claimed by the supporter to have involved the club's lion mascot, who is accused of hurling a foil-wrapped hot dog into the stands which struck the 53-year-old claimant. The case could lead to changes in the way mascots interact with fans.

Here's five ounces for each of you

A collection of 1,500 artworks confiscated by the Nazis in the 1930s and 1940s has been found in the German city of Munich. The trove is believed to include works by Matisse, Picasso, and Chagall. Some of the works were declared as degenerate by the Nazis, while others were stolen from, or forcibly sold for a pittance by, Jewish art collectors. If confirmed, it would be one of the largest recoveries of looted art. Investigators put the value of the works at about one billion euros. But enough about that because there has been an even more valuable find: new research suggests that athletes who use steroids for a short period can benefit for their entire careers. Experiments with mice showed that a brief exposure to testosterone allowed the mice to rapidly regain muscle later in their lives. The scientist behind the study says that if a similar effect can be shown in humans, it should lead to a lifetime ban for dopers. And speaking of dope, Bernie Goetz, the controversial 'Subway Vigilante' who shot four teenagers on the New York subway in 1984, has been charged with misdemeanor sale and possession of marijuana after he was nabbed in a sting operation in Union Square park on Friday evening (Eastern Daylight Time) for selling US$30 worth of marijuana to an undercover officer. The 65-year-old, who became a public figure after he shot four black youths he claimed were going to mug him, was arraigned on Saturday in Manhattan Criminal Court on three misdemeanor drug charges for sale and possession of marijuana. He was released on his own recognizance and is due back in court next month.

Moyes finally bringing in the three-pointers

A scintillating first-half attacking display was enough this morning to seal a deserved 3-1 victory for Manchester United over Fulham at Craven Cottage. The hosts couldn't cope as the Reds romped into a 3-0 lead after 22 minutes with goals from Antonio Valencia, Robin van Persie, and Wayne Rooney. The only other goal was scored by Alexander Kacaniklic and three players were yellow-carded.

Golden Dawn trio not around for the real dawn

Two members of Greece's far-right Golden Dawn have been killed and a third wounded in a drive-by shooting outside the party's offices in an Athens suburb. The dead men, aged 22 and 27, were guarding the office. The attack comes weeks after several members of Golden Dawn, including the leader, were arrested on suspicion of forming a criminal organisation. The arrests followed the killing of an anti-fascist musician named Pavlos Fyssas, whose stage name was Killah P. His death sparked protests in Athens and across Greece. Considering Golden Dawn's agenda, I'm sure whoever shot at the party offices was doing the right thing. Fascism is an unnecessary nuisance which has absolutely no place in our society.

Oh how sweet tin it is!

A heart surgeon at a Swansea hospital has won an award for an invention that cost him 95p to create. Morriston hospital doctor Abdullrazak Hossien made his surgery training simulator out of a sweet tin. He said: "Thomas Edison said that to invent you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. I designed a portable trainer, which you can keep in your pocket. You can practise on the train, on an aeroplane, at home, wherever you are. I developed it from a sweet tin that can be fixed to a table, and created an aorta using synthetic material. It cost me around 95p. I accompanied this simulator with a multimedia DVD [with] guidelines that trainees can apply to any procedure on the aortic root. They can progress from the simplest procedure to the most complex as they develop." The portable device can be used anywhere and is now being manufactured for use around the world. One person who won't be around to see the good that such a device can do is Jeff Hall, a neo-Nazi who was killed in 2011 by his son. The Californian boy, who was 10 years old when he shot Hall, has been sentenced to between seven and 10 years in juvie. The unnamed boy, now 13, will be eligible for parole when he is 20. During his trial, lawyers argued he had killed his father to stop him separating from the boy's stepmother. Defence lawyers for the boy say he grew up in an abusive environment, and had emotional and learning disabilities. He told police he was afraid he would have to decide between living with his father or stepmother after their divorce.