Stand, sit, kneel, we all need each other

Issues of the Family

The NFL have lost my support again this season

 May 2018 has ended, so the Sick Phoque Club must now grow by one. The one, of course, being NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. He has announced a new policy requiring all players and team personnel to stand during the anthem if they're on the field. Here's some food for thought, Mr Goodell:

 

That cape must be made of vibranium

 

Millennium Lightning Falcon McQueen

 

Manners maketh customer

 

The picture says it all

 

The grey matter is weak in this 123456

 

Achievement Unlocked: Former daughter-in-law out of the picture

 

Some food for thought for all you vegans out there

 

Five Years a Drink

Today is the fifth anniversary of the creation of this cocktail:

• 30 mL or 1 fl oz each of: Galliano, Amaretto, Kahlua, Bailey's, Tequila, and Midori
• Top with whipped cream

Something tells me the guy who took it there just might be right

 

Their Neighbour Otto

 

The Only Way is Sussex

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will be known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Kensington Palace has announced. By tradition, male members of the Royal family receive a title from the monarch on their wedding day, and the vacant title Duke of Sussex has always been regarded as the most likely choice for the Prince. The only previous Duke of Sussex was married twice, but neither of his marriages was approved by his father, George III, meaning they were considered unlawful. It means that Ms Markle is the first woman entitled to use the title HRH The Duchess of Sussex. But seriously, who the heck cares? The whole thing has been a sensationalist media circus.

Cactus-ception

 

Mississippi state flag circa TWO THOUSAND AND EFFING EIGHTEEN

 With a number such as 18 in it, surely this would be the year that people grow the fudge up and stop using symbols of hate such as the KKK flag (pictured in top-left). That symbol has one place in post-Civil War America and one place only: on top of the General Lee.

Guess who's back, back again? Net neutrality's back, tell a friend!

On the heels of this week’s decision lifting a federal ban on sports betting, the U.S. Supreme Court has issued a 7-2 ruling that legalizes all worldly vices, with the justices decreeing that immoral behaviors such as gambling, drug use, prostitution, and incest are “all good now.” “It is the opinion of this court that the right to participate in various forms of debauchery, whether heroin injection, illicit sex, or cannibalism, should not be impeded by any law,” Justice Samuel Alito wrote for the majority, adding that if something is considered unethical or depraved, but you feel like doing it anyway, the court “doesn’t give a shit” and you should just do whatever you want. “The government has no legitimate constitutional basis upon which to police any wicked or immoral actions that serve to satisfy an individual’s basest desires or appetites. As far as we’re concerned, everyone can just have at it.” At press time, reports confirmed the court adjourned for a brief recess during which several of the justices personally tested the waters with necrophilia. But enough about that because the Senate approved a resolution Wednesday that aims to undo a sweeping act of deregulation undertaken last year by the Federal Communications Commission, issuing a rebuke to the Trump administration, which supported the FCC's move. The resolution targets the FCC's vote in December to repeal its net neutrality rules for Internet providers. If successful, the legislative gambit could restore the agency's regulations and hand a victory to tech companies, activists, and consumer advocacy groups. The congressional effort comes less than a month before the rules are officially expected to expire, on June 11. And the high-profile vote could shine a spotlight on lawmakers running for reelection during a tough midterm season.

20 years this week since we lost two of the greats

  

I got my ration pack today

 

Season ends with Rashford scoring the win

Manchester United ended the Premier League campaign with a welcome return to winning ways as a first-half goal from Marcus Rashford proved enough to see off Watford. The day was, of course, dominated by the farewell to Michael Carrick. Both squads lined up at the tunnel before the match to give the Reds’ retiring captain a guard of honour in his final Old Trafford match as a player. It was the 36-year-old’s 464th appearance since his 2006 move from Spurs. There was also a big pre-match standing ovation for David De Gea as he received his Golden Glove award for the most clean sheets in the Premier League this season, having notched up 18 personal shut-outs. The Spaniard was rested for the game against the Hornets as manager Jose Mourinho made wholesale changes ahead of next Saturday’s Emirates FA Cup final versus Chelsea. He'll need that rest as the FA Cup is now the trophy to focus on. If they get that, next will be the Community Shield. And then we have 2018/19, when there will be a whole new chance to win the Premiership, and hopefully the Champions League as well.

No goals and nobody getting hammed at West Ham

Manchester United acquired the point needed to secure second spot in the Premier League Thursday with a 0-0 draw with West Ham United at the London Stadium. It was a pleasant evening in the capital but there was no shaking the end-of-season feeling surrounding the game, with the Hammers safe from the drop. Indeed, the only real spark came in the closing stages when a flare-up required referee Jon Moss to reach into his pocket for the first time. But seriously, a goal would have been in order.

On a much more positive note, I now have a sponsor for the Ration Challenge - my sister has put NZ$10.60 into the pot. Those participating can do it as soon as they get their ration packs, but I will not be doing it until the official dates of June 17-24 (coincides with World Refugee Week), and besides I only signed up this weekend and have yet to receive my rations. I need to get more sponsors in the next five weeks, so here's the link again if you want in: https://my.rationchallenge.org.nz/scott-gall

Doin' it fo' tha shorteez!

 

That's right, people. Just like my buddy Sir Loin (pictured above), I'm doin' it fo' tha shorteez. And by shorteez, I mean all them Syrian refugees.

So what exactly is "it", I hear you ask? I've just signed up for the Ration Challenge - eating the same rations as a refugee for one week. Just a small amount of rice, lentils, chickpeas, beans, fish, and oil (entire kit pictured).

 

That's it - no red meat, no coffee, and no alcohol! I'd love your support - will you sponsor me? Just NZ$64 will feed a family of 6 for the next two weeks.

Click here to sponsor: https://my.rationchallenge.org.nz/scott-gall (I'm still using my male name as I haven't legally changed it yet)

Thanks so much!

Your donations will help a family like Asala's, living in a tent in an urban refugee camp on the outskirts of Amman, Jordan, with her husband Ahed and their 13-year-old son Naser. They fled from Syria 6 years ago to escape the bombings. Assala (pictured below with her son) hasn't seen her mother, or her sisters, since then.

 

Ahed has a back injury and can't work, so Assala has to pick up whatever work she can to help feed her family. The family depend entirely on her small income, and the food rations they've received thanks to the Ration Challenge.

"I feel so happy and relieved that there are good people who can help me and my family with food we can't buy," said Asala.

But it's not just her. The money we raise will provide Syrian refugees with food, medicine, and education. And most importantly, we'll be helping them find the physical and emotional strength they need to cope with the horrors they've suffered, and the hardships of life as a refugee.

By taking the Ration Challenge, I'm also supporting other conflict- and disaster-affected communities, and helping to achieve safety, justice, and dignity through Act for Peace's humanitarian response, sustainable development, and advocacy programs around the world.

TRIG-GERED

 

Aussie animals just being Aussie animals

  

Vampires really do suck

Chilling, 2018 style

 

Spoken like a true capitalist

 

Gulls avoid the drop

Manchester United suffered a first away league defeat since February on Friday night as hosts Brighton & Hove Albion secured a second successive season in the top flight. Pascal Gross, the Seagulls' Player of the Year, settled the contest shortly before the hour mark with a header which Marcos Rojo seemed to have brilliantly cleared, only for goal-line technology to inform referee Craig Pawson that a goal should be awarded. The Reds' own end-of-season award-winner, David De Gea, was arguably the best performer for Jose Mourinho's men, making several fine saves to frustrate Brighton until Gross decisively broke the deadlock. A draw would have been a better outcome than that performance.

Revenge of the Fifth

 

Sure thing, Magneto.

 

Dicks out for Arsenal

 

10 years ago, someone had an idea

 

Mourinho seals a win against Arsenal in Fergie time

Manchester United’s never-say-die streak sealed a late win against Arsenal to wreck Arsene Wenger’s final match at Old Trafford as Gunners boss. Reds manager Jose Mourinho outsmarted his rival as substitute Marouane Fellaini headed in a late winner in front of the Stretford End. The Belgian proved a handful for Arsenal’s defence late on and it proved a masterstroke from Mourinho. United had gone ahead early through Paul Pogba but Fellaini’s winner wiped out a potential point-winner for Henrikh Mkhitaryan who had equalised in the second half. United’s three points confirmed Champions League football again at Old Trafford next season as it rubber-stamped a top-four finish. Old feuds were forgotten prior to kick-off with the club making a classy gesture of a special memento to Wenger, who clearly had one eye on the Europa League semi-final second leg with Atletico Madrid as he made eight changes to his side. But it shouldn't just be about old feuds - it should also be about putting the ball in the back of the net, and I would find an old feud between two teams the perfect place to see who can do more of it.

And so the Starphoquery continues

April 2018's addition to the Sick Phoque Club is Starbucks, not just for the racist arrest in Philadelphia but also an incident where a camera was found in a bathroom at a Starbucks in Atlanta. They seriously need to get it together.

When Colours Go Blind!

 

Not all heroes wear capes

 

Honey Badass

 

Fun with Vegans 101

 

The things kids will do for superpowers

 

#allolivesmatter

 

Happens every year

 

Wakanda spider is this?

 

Tell me more, tell me more, is 40 really where it's at?

After all the high school drama (and accompanying musical numbers), the carnival scene in Grease gives the students of Rydell High a fairy-tale ending. Sandy, the virginal duckling, transforms into a red-stiletto-wearing swan; bad-girl Rizzo’s pregnancy scare vanishes; the Pink Ladies and the T-Birds pair off, as if under a love spell, and reformed delinquent Danny drives his shiny Ford convertible (technically Kenickie’s, but who cares?) into the sky, with Sandy by his side. In another film, it might all be too much. But for a musical like this, it’s perfect.

Not that there are other musicals quite like this one. Grease hit theaters in 1978, at a time when 1950s nostalgia was hot but movie musicals were decidedly not. Based on a raunchy Broadway show, Randal Kleiser’s film had an unproven cast (many members, including John Travolta, had appeared in the stage musical), pastiche musical numbers (albeit with sometimes filthy lyrics), and a tone so earnest you could barely make out the outline of a tongue gently planted in its cheek. Nevertheless, Grease was a hit — not just a hit but a sensation, the biggest film of the year and the highest-grossing movie musical of the century.

Forty years later, Grease is more beloved than ever. One could name many reasons — the catchy songs, the spirited dance numbers, the ageless cool of Travolta and Olivia Newton-John — but ask the cast, and they’ll tell you that the film is magic. The feel-good buzz that the audience gets watching Grease is exactly what the actors felt while they were making it. It’s what kept them dancing in leather jackets in the brutal Los Angeles heat. It’s what made them friends for life.

And nowhere is that joy more palpable than in the carnival scene, a 10-minute outdoor romp that brings the whole cast together for two last musical numbers: the Travolta/Newton-John duet “You’re the One That I Want” and the high-energy group number “We Go Together.” The film’s 40th anniversary may not be until June 16, but there is another 40th that took place this month: by 1978, with the Beatles eight years in his rearview mirror, John Lennon had stopped making music — and found himself vacationing apart from his wife and muse, Yoko Ono. That same year, a group of eclectic misfits from Athens, Georgia who called themselves the B-52s, released their first single, “Rock Lobster.”

The song was released 40 years ago this month on a small, now defunct label called DB Records. It was later rerecorded and rereleased as part of the band’s 1979 eponymous debut album on Warner Bros.

It’s a bizarre tune containing nonsensical lyrics and circus-like surf music, but it would prove deeply important to the B-52s (it launched them into stardom) and Lennon (it inspired him to team up with Ono and record the last songs of his life). But either way, I'm just grateful I was born ten years too late to give a crap about either.

Score one for science

 

Cherry losin'

Romelu Lukaku's 27th goal for Manchester United and a third strike in as many away games for Chris Smalling gave Jose Mourinho's men maximum points against Bournemouth on Wednesday night. Despite Bournemouth having won 18 points from losing positions this season, a goal in each half was enough to see off the Cherries without reply, as the Reds reinstated a four-point lead over third-placed Liverpool in the Premier League. But it still won't be enough to catch up to Man City, as they've already won.

This is the first hint of what's to come

 

Gone before their time: a gunny, a speedway biker, and the funniest judge ever

   

Reds bagged by Baggies

Manchester United were brought back down to earth after the high-octane drama of the Manchester derby as the Reds were stunningly beaten at Old Trafford by relegation favourites West Bromwich Albion. Jose Mourinho's men had deliciously put the brakes on Manchester City’s crowning as the 2017/18 Premier League champions last Saturday at the Etihad Stadium but, against the almost doomed Albion, they handed the title to the Blues, with Jay Rodriguez scoring the winner. The Reds better shape the fudge up next season. Second may be their best season post-Fergie, but there's still more to do.

Starbucks in the 215 86 the Starblacks

A video that's now amassed almost 7 million views on Twitter depicts police officers handcuffing two black men in a Philadelphia Starbucks. Onlookers in the background are incredulous. "What did they do?" one man asks. "They didn't do anything," a woman responds. "I saw the entire thing." In a video statement streamed on Facebook Live from the Philadelphia Police Department's page, Commissioner Richard Ross confirmed that on Thursday afternoon at 4:40 p.m., Philadelphia police received a 911 call from the Starbucks at 18th and Spruce Streets alleging disturbance and trespassing. When police arrived, two Starbucks employees told them two men had asked to use the restroom but were told they couldn't because they hadn't purchased anything. The men allegedly refused to leave after being asked by Starbucks employees. Ross also said the two men refused to leave after being asked three times by police officers. They bloody well should have. Philadelphia is supposed to be the city of brotherly love, and I didn't see one iota of that. I'm sure this would have played out a lot differently if they were white.

One can only have a dream

 

No black cat for Friday the 13th but I found the next best thing

 

Moses did it before it was cool

 

Gettin' rejected like a boss

 

Which came first, the dragon or the egg?

I already told you lot. Scroll down to my post from a few days ago.

Aliens are real

Buzz Aldrin, a former American astronaut and the second man to land on the moon has passed a lie detector test over claims that he experienced alien encounters. Apart from Aldrin, three other astronauts, Al Worden, Edgar Mitchell and Gordon Cooper also underwent the test and the results were positive. The tests were carried out by researchers at the Institute of BioAcoustic Biology in Albany, New York. Latest technology was used to determine whether these astronauts were making false claims about aliens, but interestingly, it has been proved that all their testimonials were correct. Experts say that these results indicate the presence of alien life somewhere in space, and the signs of extraterrestrial life these astronauts witnessed during historic space missions were true. During the test, researchers carried out a complex computer analysis of these astronauts' voice patterns while they talked about alien encounters. Even though the technology used for these tests still remain a top secret, experts claim that it is much more effective than conventional lie detector tests. But the truth is most certainly out there.

Blues won't be crowned just yet

Manchester United breathtakingly wrecked neighbours Manchester City’s plans to wrap up the Premier League title on derby day by producing an astonishing comeback at the Etihad Stadium. The Reds had looked down and out after a first half when the hosts were superior and scored twice through Vincent Kompany and Ilkay Gundogan. The Blues supporters were prematurely readying themselves for a party at United’s expense but the old never-say-die spirit was revived in a spectacular second period that saw a double from Paul Pogba and a winner from Chris Smalling ruin City’s dreams in a captivating contest. With six games to go and 13 points in it, it is still mathematically possible for the Reds to win if they win all their games for the rest of the season and the Blues lose all of theirs, so they better get to it.

Which came first, the dragon or the egg?

Well, technically it’s the latter, although in this instance, they’ve both arrived at around the same time. Mere days after receiving a scaly purple delivery from the enigmatic Falcon McBob, Activision has followed through on its cryptic marketing and officially announced the Spyro Reignited Trilogy. The HD remake is being developed by the talented team over at Toys For Bob and will include updated versions of all three original PlayStation titles: Spyro the Dragon, Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage!, and Spyro: Year of the Dragon. The collection will retail for US$39.99 with pre-orders going live as of this writing. Launch day is September 21, which has the disc hitting shelves only a week or so after the series’ North American 20th anniversary. Interestingly, and unlike Activision’s own Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy’s timed PS4 exclusivity (which is ending this July, by the way), the Reignited Trilogy will be releasing on both the PS4 and the Xbox One family of consoles simultaneously this Fall. Honestly, the nostalgic retro gaming nerd inside me cringes a little at the thought of beloved PlayStation mascots traipsing over to the competition’s hardware all willy-nilly. But it’s a different era now, and depriving any gamer of these reimagined classics seem like an infinitely worse proposition than any form of goofy platform betrayal. While a version of the aforementioned N. Sane Trilogy is slated to hit Nintendo’s handheld hybrid this July, it should be noted that a Switch port of the Reignited Trilogy has yet to be announced.

But one thing that shouldn't be reignited is the flames of hatred. On that note, I must apologise for my use of the word kaffir in last night's post. However, I will not apologise for South African President Cyril Ramaphosa's Trump-like attitudes. If Ramaphosa wants to stoop to that level, it's on him. But he'll get his come Judgement Day.

This is the definition of kaffir right there

 Ramaphosa should leave the poor alone. They can barely afford the upcoming Spyro remaster as it is. And as for kicking the white man off "their" land, that's Mugabe's thing. Seriously, what would Madiba say if he heard about that?

Let these words sink in

This is a time of shame and sorrow. It is not a day for politics. I have saved this one opportunity, my only event of today, to speak briefly to you about the mindless menace of violence in America which again stains our land and every one of our lives.

It is not the concern of any one race. The victims of violence are black and white, rich and poor, young and old, famous and unknown. They are, most important of all, human beings whom other human beings loved and needed. No one—no matter where he lives or what he does—can be certain who will suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed. And yet it goes on and on and on in this country of ours.

Why? What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause can ever be stilled by an assassin's bullet.

No wrongs have ever been righted by riots or civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled, uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of reason.

Whenever any American's life is taken by another American unnecessarily—whether it is done in the name of the law or in defiance of the law, by one man or a gang, in cold blood or in passion, in an attack of violence or in response to violence—whenever we tear at the fabric of life which another man has painfully and clumsily woven for himself and his children, the whole nation is degraded.

MAYA@90

It’s only fitting that the first week of U.S. National Poetry Month in April coincides with what would have been the 90th birthday of the poet Maya Angelou, who died May 28, 2014, at the age of 86. But while she’s best known today for her writing — as the author of more than 30 books and the recipient of more than 50 honorary degrees — she had many different careers before becoming a writer, and all before the age of 40, as TIME pointed out in her 2014 obituary. Such jobs included: cook, waitress, sex-worker, dancer, actor, playwright, editor at an English-language newspaper in Egypt, Calypso singer, and cast member of the opera Porgy and Bess. In fact, her name is more of a stage name than a pen name; she was born Marguerite Annie Johnson in St. Louis in 1928, but in the 1950s came up with “Maya Angelou,” which is a portmanteau of sorts, by combining her childhood nickname and a riff on her then-husband’s surname.

Vegans be gone!

 

Swansea swanned out

Manchester United regained second place in the Premier League by setting up a comfortable Old Trafford win against Swansea City with an early double goal blast. The Reds effectively ended the contest after 20 minutes, by which time Romelu Lukaku and Alexis Sanchez had scored a goal each. United had been demoted to third spot ahead of the match following Liverpool’s lunchtime victory at Crystal Palace but it didn’t last long. There had been a strong and honest verbal response from manager Jose Mourinho following the Emirates FA Cup quarter-final tie at Old Trafford against Brighton. Mourinho would have been looking for a positive response to his criticism and he certainly got it. He also needs to either get the Premiership silverware or go.

Trump can still trump this

Donald Trump was elected to the office of President of the United States in November 2016 on the promise that he would "Make America Great Again". Unfortunately he has not been doing any of that with his ideas so far. I'm just going to leave a few of mine in the hope that he will one day visit this blog and be inspired policy-wise:

*Give educators the power to force students to stand for and recite the Pledge of Allegiance at gunpoint.

*Implement a special set of "Negro offences" that only black people can be charged with. These offences will of course carry higher penalties. An example: instead of theft, a black person who steals something will be charged with the more serious offence of stealing while black.

*Require the use of offensive slurs in the official arena, such as "sodomite" or "faggot" in the place of LGBT, and "spade" or "porch monkey" instead of Black or African-American.

*Roll back all minimum wages to $1 per hour, and even then, only white men are entitled to such an outrageous sum of money.

*Legally declare Trump as the Second Coming of Our Lord and Saviour.

*Install a system of censorship on the Internet similar to China's Golden Shield.

*Look to North Korean "elections" for ways of dealing with Democrat voters.