BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Mad Men

But, it's finally at its mad end, and you can toast said end with a selection of signature drinks from the series and its era (these recipes are from a non-metric source; for you metric people, multiply the number of ounces by 30 to get a near-equivalent in millilitres):

• Vodka gimlet: This is Betty’s signature drink and would most likely have been made with half vodka, half Rose’s West India Sweetened Lime Juice served over ice. When the Cuban missile crisis looms and there’s trouble in her marriage to Don, Betty orders a gimlet at a bar before engaging in a backroom tryst with a stranger.
• Dry martini: The show’s second season picked up in 1962, the year “Dr No” came out informing the world that James Bond drank a vodka — as opposed to the more traditional gin — martini that was shaken and not stirred. A traditional approach is 2 ounces vodka, ⅓ ounce dry vermouth, olive garnish. If you’re serving this over ice, it really doesn’t matter whether you shake or stir.
• Old fashioned: Back then this would have been made with a cheap, blended whisky, possibly Don’s favorite Canadian Club. Start with a sugar cube and a few drops of bitters and muddle in a cherry and orange wedge, adding the whiskey and possibly a lemon wedge garnish. These days, bartenders use a good bourbon or rye and add just a dash of sugar and bitters.
• Bloody mary: These are a leitmotif of “Mad Men,” sometimes served as a morning eye-opener and made by young Sally Draper for her parents, Don and Betty, in Season 2. Sally goes heavy on the vodka, but these drinks normally would have been made much as they are today. A simple approach is 1½ ounces vodka poured over ice in a tall glass, fill with tomato juice, add dashes of Worcestershire and Tabasco sauce, salt and pepper to taste, and a celery stick garnish.
• Bonus cocktail, the bull shot: This hasn’t been featured in the series, it’s the kind of off-menu drink that ad men would order in the ‘60s to boost their street cred. The recipe is simple — a couple ounces each of vodka and Campbell’s Beef Consomme, and a few shots of Tabasco and Worcestershire sauces, served on the rocks.
• And a recipe of mine, the Veintitres de Mayo (which I named after the date I first created it in 2013): 1 ounce each of Kahlua, galleano, amaretto, Bailey's, tequila, and Midori; serve neat and top with whipped cream. Just a word of warning, this one is about 25% ABV (50 proof) so be careful.

Aaaaaaand our golden run is over

Australia won the Cricket World Cup last night after beating New Zealand by 7 wickets. The Black Caps won the toss and batted first, scoring 183 all out. Australia scored 186 for 3 in their innings, denying the Black Caps the Cricket World Cup yet again. But at least they made it to the final, even if it was being played at a less advantageous ground this time round.

Heil Apple!

While the Android vs Apple conflict is one that deserves debate, it seems that one company went too far. Chinese tech firm Leshi TV (LeTV) has posted a print ad promoting its new smartphone that compares Apple to Adolf Hitler. The image was first discovered on LeTV founder Jia Yueting's Weibo page, according to The Verge. The text on the top of the poster compares the attributes of both Android and iOS, stating "Crowdsourced, freedom vs arrogance, tyranny". Below the text is a cartoon version of Hitler wearing a red armband with Apple's logo on it. "Under the arrogant regime of iOS domination that developers around the world love yet hate, we are always carefully asking, 'is this kind of innovation okay?'" Yueting wrote. He then went on to argue that Apple's lack of "freedom" will make it look like a "dusk" (dying) empire, and that Android is the way of the future. Wrong. Apple is the way of the future. Their stuff is better than the rest. If it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

GO BLACK CAPS!

Never have the Black Caps made it to the final of a Cricket World Cup, let alone win. And they worked hard to get there, winning eight consecutive matches in the process - the last of those being the most successful chase in an ODI (adjusted from 282 to 298 via Duckworth-Lewis) and the second-to-last featuring one of the best individual innings in an ODI (Martin Guptill 237 not out against the West Indies). I know the MCG isn't really the Black Caps' idea of a comfort zone (mainly because of its size), but they have won matches on that ground before, and I have faith that they will win another tomorrow. GO BLACK CAPS!

Guess who's back, back again? Coach is back, tell a friend!

You heard right - Craig T. Nelson is getting back in the coaching game for NBC. The network said that it has ordered 13 episodes of a sequel to the 1989-97 ABC sitcom that starred Nelson as Hayden Fox, head coach of a college football team. In the new series, nearly 20 years have passed and Fox has retired from coaching - that’s until he’s called in to serve as assistant coach to his grown son, the new head coach at an Ivy League school in Pennsylvania. Barry Kemp, who created the previous series, will write and serve as executive producer. Details on other casting for the sequel or an air date were not announced, but it'll be worth it when it does air. Let's hope NBC don't screw it up like ABC did in 1994 by using it as a lead-in for an actual football game.

Zayn and Jeremy shift to bottom gear

Well, it’s been quite an afternoon in the world of Celebville, hasn’t it? No sooner was it confirmed that Jeremy Clarkson would not be returning to ‘Top Gear’, than Zayn Malik caused a second wave of hysteria by announcing that he was quitting One Direction. After five years with the boyband, Zayn revealed on Wednesday afternoon that he was stepping down from the group, so he could try and live the life of a “normal 22-year-old”, while the band has confirmed it intends to carry on as a four-piece, without Zayn. It hasn’t escaped our attention that both announcements were made on the same afternoon, and there's now a vacancy on both 'Top Gear' and in One Direction which has got us thinking about whether some class of showbiz job-swap is about to go on right under our noses - but what's on my mind right now is who will be the Black Caps' first ever final opponents. Will it be Australia, who we already beat by 1 wicket earlier in the tournament? Or will it be India, who are also at the top of their pool's table? At time of writing, India have a target of 329 runs to chase and are almost an eighth of the way there.

Guess who's coming to their first ever Cricket World Cup final?

Regardless of the result, one team would be going to their first ever Cricket World Cup final. That team happened to be the Black Caps, who last night overcame a rain delay, loss of seven overs, and an increased target to beat South Africa by 4 wickets. Although South Africa were 281 for 5 in their innings, the Duckworth-Lewis rule came into play and the target was increased from 282 to 298 to account for the fact that the Proteas were playing like they had 50 overs and did not bat as aggressively as if they had known all along they only had 43. It was almost 11pm local time when the Black Caps made 299 for 6. Kinda makes up for the food poisoning incident at the Rugby World Cup final 20 years ago, doesn't it?

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: The 2D version

Seriously, don't bother. If you're going to see Insurgent, see it in 3D. Believe me, it is worth the extra few bucks.

Liverpool miss out on fourth place thanks to resurgent Reds outfit

Juan Mata’s brilliant brace handed Manchester United a key victory over Liverpool and a big boost in the race for the top four after this morning's action-packed encounter at Anfield that also saw Steven Gerrard sent off. Mata scored once in each half – his second a jaw-dropping acrobatic effort – to overshadow Daniel Sturridge’s second-half goal in a typically tense United-Liverpool encounter with Simon Mignolet even saving Wayne Rooney's stoppage-time penalty. Louis van Gaal and Brendan Rodgers both kept unchanged teams from their respective wins over Tottenham and Swansea, with Angel Di Maria, returning from suspension, and Gerrard, Liverpool’s outgoing captain, unable to force their way into the starting line-ups. That doesn't matter, nor does the four yellow cards. What matters here is the win. What would really matter is if Man United made it to the top of the table. It can still happen.

Boot Camp ditches 7

If you just bought a brand-new MacBook laptop, and you loathe everything about Windows 8 — but still need to run a Windows operating system on your MacBook for some reason — then we have a bit of bad news for you. According to the latest support page updates from Apple, owners of its newly refreshed MacBook Pro and Macbook Air laptops will be unable to run anything but Windows 8 via their laptops' Boot Camp feature. That means, of course, that you're stuck with Microsoft's divisive user interface for Windows 8 — that split between its touch-friendly, blocky Start Screen and the common Windows desktop you're probably used to by now. And if Windows 8 has drawn just too deep of a line in the sand for you to feel comfortable crossing, you'll just have to wait until Windows 10, which should hopefully work just fine on your new laptop's Boot Camp. But why would any self-respecting Mac user ever run something as horrible as Windows on their computer? If it's not Apple, it's crapple.

Guptill proves too windy for the Windies

Extraordinary. Amazing. Remarkable. A whole thesaurus of adjectives could be rolled out for what a full house of 30,000 witnessed this afternoon at Westpac Stadium in Wellington. New Zealand opener Martin Guptill blasted the second highest ODI innings of 237 not out, pummelling the West Indies bowlers into submission as the Black Caps racked up 393 for 6 batting first in the Cricket World Cup quarterfinal. The target proved insurmountable, as the West Indies only made 250 before losing their final wicket in the 31st over. Because of the 143-run margin, it will be us going to the semis and them going back to their respective islands.

23 flavours, 104 years

A woman who just turned 104 in the US has revealed her secret to having a long life, and it's not what you'd expect. Elizabeth Sullivan of Fort Worth, Texas, told KTVT that she regularly drinks Dr Pepper. That's right, Dr. Pepper. Strange, huh?

Stickers can't keep Austin racist

Stickers that said "exclusively for white people" appeared on the windows of businesses across East Austin yesterday, sparking condemnation and confusion as residents, activists, and at least one lawmaker wrestled with what the statements meant and who placed them there. "Maximum of 5 colored customers / colored BOH staff accepted," some of the stickers read, BOH referring to the "back of house" operations at a restaurant. They also featured a city of Austin logo and claimed to be "sponsored by the City of Austin Contemporary Partition and Restoration Program," though no such program exists. The city has said the use of its logo was unauthorized. City officials also said the businesses did not knowingly display the stickers, which were discovered by employees yesterday morning. No one had publicly claimed responsibility for them as of yesterday afternoon local time. Nevertheless, Rare Trends, a clothing store on East 12th Street that was among at least seven businesses targeted, received numerous angry phone calls and a visit from the Austin NAACP president over the sticker. Whoever's doing this, STOP IT. It's not funny, and it's giving people the wrong idea about the businesses being targeted. Don't put signs like that on people's doors just because you want to bring attention to your plight.

Another club bites the dust

Another club bites the dust
And another club comes and another club comes
And another club bites the dust
Hey - he's gonna get you too
Another club bites the dust

That's right, another soccer team is about to dance with the devil incarnate himself. West Ham’s decision to place ex-Everton scout Tony Henry in charge of their summer recruitment policy has increased speculation that David Moyes will be their new manager, according to the Daily Telegraph. The Hammers co-owners David Sullivan and David Gold have, significantly, opted to appoint Henry to lead their transfer plans instead of Sam Allardyce’s trusted scout Martin Glover. This is the biggest indication yet that Allardyce will not be landing a new deal and it would appear that Moyes is the prime candidate to take the reins. I wish those two would reconsider. He screwed up at Manchester United and he's not doing any better at Real Sociedad. If he takes the job at West Ham, the club runs the risk of being relegated within the next few years. There are much better candidates for the job, like Slaven Bilic, Marcelo Bielsa, Michael Laudrup, and Rafael Benitez. Out of those four, it should be Benitez that West Ham’s owners are trying to lure to the club. In 254 matches managing in the Premier League, the outgoing Napoli manager has a win percentage of 56 and can boast Champions League and FA Cup successes with Liverpool, adding a Europa League trophy to that during his short spell at Chelsea. And with the club set for the big stadium move in 2016, an exciting and high profile manager like Benitez would be just what they need to take them to the next level.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: The Great White Spot

To be honest, there are more black bits than white. But the real problem is the loser who uploaded that filth to 9GAG. Come on (sorry but the badly-timed pun). We don't need to see the dried remains of your pubescent secretions. And besides, there's already a Great White Spot in our solar system. It's on Saturn (the one with the rings).

Clean sheet + three points = successful day on the pitch

Manchester United bounced back from the FA Cup defeat to Arsenal with a one-sided win this morning over Tottenham Hotspur to stay on course for a top-four finish in the Barclays Premier League. The Reds were 3-0 up by half-time at Old Trafford after fine goals by Marouane Fellaini, Michael Carrick, and Wayne Rooney. And although there were no further strikes in the second half (but two yellow cards all up), Louis van Gaal’s men saw out the game comfortably to once again move a point behind third-placed Arsenal in the table. That's good to hear, but there's only nine games left until the end of the season and Man United still have a chance at winning the Premiership. But they need to win at least the next three games (and even more if they are to retain that lead) and hope the teams above them don't score too many points. It can be done. But the question is, will LVG be able to do what the incompetent Moyes couldn't?

USB to get USBetter

One of the most welcome changes in Apple's new 12-inch MacBook laptop may well be the one not mentioned by the tech darling. The new MacBook will finally allow MacBook battery packs and third-party chargers via its new USB-C port - such a change means freedom from Apple's proprietary MagSafe chargers. Earlier MacBooks (including mine) would not charge without the MagSafe chargers, and will sadly continue to need them. But for those upgrading, most accessories supporting the USB Type-C specifications should work with your new MacBook. Apple won’t be doing anything to block any specific types of accessories — in fact, it will even allow external batteries or other Macs to charge the new MacBook. Sources say that any battery solution that meets the USB Power Delivery specifications should work with the new MacBook, though the battery will need to push enough power to actually recharge a laptop - but don't worry if you don't have one, for Apple has its own 29W power adapter that will come with the new MacBook. And for those of you wondering, yes, the USB-C port on the new MacBook will replace all the other power and data ports in earlier MacBooks. But those with legacy equipment need not despair - MacBook users can connect a USB-C multiport adapter to handle whatever accessories they want, including 4k displays. And for those with USB-A equipment, it's just a matter of getting a USB-A to USB-C adapter.

happy30th.com

That's right, the first .com web domain is turning 30 tomorrow. Exactly 30 years ago tomorrow, on 15 March 1985, a computer company in Massachusetts registered the world’s first dot-com domain: Symbolics.com. And with that, the dot-com era officially began. By the end of 1985, Symbolics.com was still one of just a small number of registered domains. Today, of course, there are hundreds of millions of domains floating around the Internet. The domain system is a key foundation of the World Wide Web, which was born in 1991, at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN). Sir Tim Berners-Lee was the father of that idea, but it wouldn’t have gone far without a universal address network like the domain system. Click here to see how it all started.

Time for the knockout stages

Third Yogi for 2015 goes to the people who helped with the arrest and conviction of Bassel Saad, a weekend soccer player whose punch killed referee John Bieniewicz during a game last summer at a park in Livonia, Michigan. The incident happened as Saad faced ejection. Bieniewicz died two days later. Saad pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter, which carries a maximum of 15 years in prison, although he'll be eligible for parole after serving a minimum sentence set by the judge. But those who helped serve justice on him are smarter than the average lawmen, for they stand to put one more crook behind bars.

Fourth and final Yogi goes to the Black Caps, who are smarter than the average cricket team, not to mention better at the game than anybody else. Over the last four weeks, they have delivered six consecutive victories, and they round off the group stages of the Cricket World Cup with a three-wicket defeat to Bangladesh, who proved to be quite a challenge, scoring 288 for 7. That makes them the only team not to be all out against the Black Caps, who scored 290 for 7 in their innings despite the odds seeming to be against them (required run rate hovered around 7 or 8 runs per over in the later stages) - it took several late boundaries to save them. Let's hope they keep it up in the knockout stages.

HAPPY FIFTH BIRTHDAY TO US!!!!!

Speaking of which, Tuesday was Chuck Norris's 75th birthday. Too bad we had to do that post about those racist frat chants. If you see any of the scumbags responsible for that crap, please hang them from a tree, preferably sooner rather than later.

Moyes's new club not safe from relegation

Around this time each year, we usually present three Yogi Awards for those deemed smarter than the average whatever over the past 12 months. But because tomorrow is our fifth anniversary, we will do it differently this year - present two Yogis today and two more on Friday. The first of today's Yogis will be going to the organisers of Leonard Nimoy's funeral. They were smarter than the average event planners as they had apparently kept the venue from the Westboro Baptist Church, who wanted to picket it for some reason. I don't know if that was deliberate, but if it was, thank you for letting Nimoy's friends and family grieve in peace. We do not need those bellends making the grieving process harder than it needs to be. Second is for the ownership of Manchester United, who back in April, were smarter than the average team owners when they decided that Moyes wasn't delivering and threw the hook on him. Whoever you are, thank you. LVG might not be at the top of the table right now, but he is still a better manager (Reds are in the top four now), and isn't firing blanks like Moyes continues to do at Real Sociedad, who are currently 11th place in La Liga and despite beating Espanyol 1-0 over the weekend, remain just six points clear of the bottom three.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Racist frat chants

Even with the national chapter shutting the Sigma Alpha Epsilon house at the University of Oklahoma, the school president said the university's affiliation with the fraternity is permanently done as a campus group called for the expulsion of fraternity members. The members had until midnight Central Daylight Time to get their things out of the house, university President David Boren said in a news conference yesterday afternoon. "The house will be closed, and as far as I'm concerned, they won't be back," he said, adding that the university is exploring what actions it can take against individual fraternity members. But what's the college's beef with SAE, I hear you ask? On Saturday, a video showing party-bound fraternity members on a bus chanting a racial epithet found its way anonymously to the school newspaper and a campus organization, which both promptly publicized the nine-second clip. The students on the bus clap and pump their fists as they boisterously chant, "There will never be a n***** SAE. You can hang him from a tree, but he can never sign with me." By Sunday night, SAE's national chapter had suspended the University of Oklahoma members and threatened lifelong suspensions for anyone responsible for the chant, but Boren took it a step further. First, he appeared at a campus rally and told students over a bullhorn, "I have a message for those who have misused their freedom of speech in this way. My message to them is: You're disgraceful. You have violated every principle that this university stands for." Whoever was involved in this crap, you are disgraceful and you're the ones who deserve to be hung from a tree. Stick to hazing like other fraternities.

The truth about MH370 is out

The first comprehensive report into the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 has revealed that the battery of the locator beacon for the plane's data recorder had expired more than a year before the jet vanished on March 8, 2014. The report came as Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott said the hunt for the plane would not end even if the scouring of the current search area off Australia's west coast comes up empty. Apart from the anomaly of the expired battery, the detailed report devoted pages after pages describing the complete normality of the flight, which disappeared while heading from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing, setting off aviation's biggest mystery. Families of the 239 people who were on board the plane marked the anniversary of the Boeing 777's disappearance, vowing to never give up on the desperate search for wreckage and answers to what happened to their loved ones. The mysterious circumstances of the plane's disappearance have in many ways overshadowed the grieving process for the families of the victims. The trauma has been compounded by government and corporate bureaucracy and floods of media coverage. Many of those directly impacted by the disappearance of the plane have formed a group called Voice370 to speak on behalf of the families. As a group they refuse to call the victims deceased and have continued to refer to them as "missing passengers." "Despite this complete lack of wreckage found or physical evidence of a catastrophic event, the Malaysian government has officially declared that the airplane crashed, leaving no survivors, and it has ended the rescue phase of the search effort," the group said in a statement issued to the press on Friday. "We do not accept this finding and we will not give up hope until we have definitive proof of what happened to MH370." Here's how I see it: it was sabotage. Somebody working for the airline probably had some grievance and armed with the knowledge of an expired battery in the locator beacon, claimed to have replaced it and from there, it was just a matter of planning for the plane's eventual demise. Unless, of course, ISIS had something to do with it.

It's getting hot in here, 'cos the Black Caps won again

If one thing is clear from today's Cricket World Cup action, it's that America isn't the only nation that's been kicking Afghan butt recently. And to that end, Afghanistan were next in line for a sound defeat at the hands of the Black Caps machine. Despite the relatively high target of 187 runs set after a very good innings from Afghanistan, who made 186 all out during their turn at bat and really made us work for those ten wickets (last wicket didn't fall until the 48th over) and our overall victory, the Black Caps had no problem taking on the target, reaching a final score of 188 for 4. Our last opponents before the knockout stages are Bangladesh, and I'm considering putting some serious money on them getting what's coming to them.

We're five days short of five years

But right now, it's the 25th birthday of conjoined twins Abigail and Brittany Hensel. And Jada Pinkett Smith has announced that she is leaving “Gotham” after its first season. Smith appeared at “Live With Kelly and Michael” and said she won’t be back for the television series’ season two. The actress explained that she signed for a year and she doesn’t think she would be back in Season 2 to reprise her role as the hotheaded nightclub owner. Will Smith’s wife however hinted that there are lots of things coming ahead on Fox superhero drama ‘Gotham.’ For instance, Smith said that her character, gangster Fish Mooney, still has a finale to go after a previous episode where she actually cut her own eye out. Even if Jada is leaving “Gotham,” the show itself, which chronicles the Batman origin story through the eyes of a young Jim Gordon, will be back for Season 2 after earning a full-season revewal in January. But thankfully Two and a Half Men won't be joining it.

Indiana Jones and the Crashed War Plane

Harrison Ford was injured yesterday when his vintage airplane experienced engine trouble and crash-landed on a Venice golf course — an accident that could well spur efforts to close Santa Monica Airport. Ford, an experienced pilot and owner of several aircraft, plowed the yellow-and-silver plane into a fairway at Penmar golf course about 2:25 p.m. Pacific Time, shortly after takeoff. According to air traffic control recordings, he reported an engine failure to the Santa Monica tower and had been cleared to return. Authorities said Ford managed to fly over Penmar, which is on the airport's departure route and provides a swath of open space for pilots to use in emergencies. He was flying solo in a restored Ryan PT-22 Recruit, a sleek two-place monoplane built during World War II to train Army Air Forces pilots. Federal Aviation Administration records show the plane is registered to MG Aviation Inc., a Delaware company. Los Angeles firefighters said Ford, best known for his roles as Han Solo in "Star Wars" and the title character in "Indiana Jones", was conscious when they arrived. He was outside the plane being tended by several bystanders. Paramedics treated Ford at the scene and he remained hospitalized Thursday night. At an afternoon news conference, Assistant Fire Chief Patrick Butler said Ford was alert and had suffered moderate trauma. He is expected to make a full recovery, but shortly after the accident, anti-airport activists and Los Angeles City Councilman Mike Bonin, whose Westside district borders Santa Monica Airport, reiterated their positions that the embattled facility should be shut down. They contend that the airport is unsafe, and that surrounding neighborhoods are affected by noise and air pollution from flight operations. City officials have tried repeatedly to close the facility and to ban certain types of jets, but they have lost in court battles with the FAA. "Really, for me, the first concern has always been the fear of a plane falling out of the sky and landing in someone's home," Bonin said. "That has happened in the past." And those are all problems that could affect any airport - that's why many are situated either away from existing urban areas or on islands or reclaimed land situated just off the shore. It's also why flight paths are kept away from built-up areas. But our real concern here should be for Harrison Ford.

Now let's take our minds off what has been a rough week for the Star Trek community, for Manchester United landed a dramatic victory against Newcastle United yesterday morning thanks to Ashley Young's 89th-minute winner to crucially maintain a position in the Barclays Premier League top four. The Reds had plenty of chances to win the game at St James' Park before Young struck a minute from time, but found Newcastle United goalkeeper Tim Krul, a key member of Louis van Gaal’s Netherlands World Cup squad, in top form. His opposite number David De Gea was also forced into a handful of good saves, none more so than an injury-time block from Papiss Cisse, but the collection of three points could prove huge for United on a night when their fellow top-four rivals all won. Three players were yellow-carded.

Feds about to take on Ferguson

A federal investigation into the police killing of an unarmed, black 18-year-old in Ferguson, Missouri, lays bare what officials contend are racist, profit-driven law enforcement practices in the small St. Louis suburb. While the Department of Justice cleared Officer Darren Wilson of federal civil rights charges in the August death of Michael Brown, it also called for sweeping changes in a city where officers trade racist emails, issue tickets mostly to black drivers that generate millions of dollars in revenue, and routinely use what investigators called excessive force on people stopped for minor or non-existent offenses. Attorney General Eric Holder said that the department "found a community that was deeply polarized; a community where deep distrust and hostility often characterized interactions between police and area residents." Seriously, people, this has to stop. Ferguson must do better not only as a city, but as a state and a country. To that end, there are already signs of improvement. The city, for example, no longer issues failure-to-appear warrants, has eliminated a fee for towing cars, and rescinded warrants for nearly 600 defendants. But more needs to be done, for example, what about having more blacks on the force?

Royal wannabes get royal walloping in court

Australia's High Court has upheld a ruling that a radio station broke the law by airing a hoax call to a hospital which was treating the Duchess of Cambridge for morning sickness. DJs Mel Greig and Michael Christian made international headlines in 2012 when a nurse who fell for their prank later killed herself. The High Court overturned a previous decision which cleared 2Day FM. The station could now be fined or see its licence suspended or revoked. 2Day FM said today's decision "means that there is a serious defect in Australian broadcasting law". Of course there is a defect, the defect being that those two losers were even allowed on the air in the first place. It was bad enough they passed themselves off as the Queen and Prince Philip and caused the nurse who answered the call to kill herself, but the real legal problem is that the station broke the law by not obtaining consent to air the call from either of the hospital staff featured, but then again if they had, it would've meant blowing their cover before the call even made it to air.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Losing it over a cake

A Napier woman who baked an offensive cake about her former employers has been awarded more than $168,000 in damages following a Facebook breach of privacy and "loss of dignity". During a Human Rights Tribunal hearing last December, former NZ Credit Union Baywide (NZCU) employee Karen Hammond claimed her former bosses breached her privacy when NZCU took a screenshot of the offending cake from her Facebook page and distributed it to recruitment agencies. Ms Hammond left the company in March 2012 and five days later baked the frosty dessert for her workmate, whom she believed had been constructively fired from the company. The fruit and chocolate chunk cake, with "Credit Union Baywide f*** you" and "c***s" in pink icing, was taken to a dinner party of ten friends and an image uploaded to social media. Once NZCU executives obtained a copy of the photo it was distributed to recruitment agencies and Miss Hammond's new employer, Financepoint, with a request she be sacked. Ms Hammond, who represented herself during the hearing, was today awarded $168,070.88 in damages following the release of chairman Roger Haines and tribunal members Wendy Gilchrist and Brian Neeson's decision today. The award is broken down as follows:

• $98,000 for humiliation, loss of dignity, and injury to feelings;
• $38,350 for lost income, this being a pecuniary loss suffered as a result of the interference;
• $15,543.10 for pecuniary loss in the form of legal expenses; and
• $16,177.78 for the loss of a benefit Ms Hammond might reasonably have expected to obtain.

In addition to this staggering financial penalty, the following orders were made:

• Baywide is restrained from continuing or repeating the interference, or from engaging in, or causing or permitting others to engage in, conduct of the same kind.
• Baywide is to send a retraction of an April 12, 2012 email warning about Ms Hammond along with a copy of the decision to Red Consulting Group, Able Personnel, Adecco, and Grow HR.
• Baywide is to request that the email sent by Baywide human resource manger Louise Alexandra and any screenshot of the cake sent by her and any copy be deleted. A report is also to be provided to the Tribunal and to Ms Hammond detailing the steps taken in compliance with this order and the responses received by NZCU Baywide.
• Baywide CEO Gavin Earle is to forward to all members of staff a retraction of his April 13, 2012 email about the dispute along with an apology to Ms Hammond.
• Baywide, in conjunction with the Privacy Commissioner and at its own expense, will also provide training to its management staff in relation to their and the company's obligations under the Privacy Act 1993 in order to ensure they are aware of these obligations.

Although NZCU Baywide were clearly in the wrong here for getting all bent out of shape over a cake, this could also serve as a warning to all to be careful about what you post on social media.

Try solving this

LVG, you've done it again

The Bellend of the Month for February 2015 is Joseph Jesse Aldridge, who killed seven people and then took his own life in a house-to-house shooting rampage in Tyrone, a tiny town in the Missouri Ozarks. Aldridge killed his victims with a .45-calibre handgun on Friday at four homes in the community of about 50 people, many of whom are related to each other, and was found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound before dawn in a running pickup on the highway about 30km away. But enough about that because Wayne Rooney’s second-half double this morning was enough to give Manchester United victory over a stubborn Sunderland side, who had ex-Red Wes Brown sent off in a case of mistaken identity. The Reds captain fired home a penalty in the 66th minute at Old Trafford after Radamel Falcao had been brought down in the box by John O’Shea when poised to pull the trigger. Referee Roger East showed a red card to Brown, despite the protests of his fellow former Reds stalwart O’Shea. The other cards were two yellows, but what matters here is the win.

Another win for the Black Caps is highly logical

But now for something highly illogical: Long before being nerdy was cool, there was Leonard Nimoy. Nimoy, best known for playing Spock on the television show Star Trek and its movies, passed away in his home at the age of 83. The cause of his death was end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which the actor confirmed he had last year. Nimoy was born in 1931 in Boston. His parents were Jewish immigrants from the Soviet Union in an area that is now part of Ukraine. He acted in several amateur productions as a child and then began his movie and TV acting career in 1951. In 1952, he played the title role in the boxing movie Kid Monk Baroni. Although his acting was praised, the movie was a flop, and Nimoy spent over a decade playing largely bit parts in both TV and movies, including roles in Dragnet, Perry Mason, and The Twilight Zone. In 1965, Nimoy passed on a role in Peyton Place to take a part in Gene Roddenberry’s TV show Star Trek – and the rest was history. Unique among most TV shows, Star Trek actually had two pilots. NBC liked aspects of the first pilot, “The Cage” but had some issues and asked Roddenberry to shoot a second pilot. Mr. Nimoy’s Spock, half-human, half-Vulcan, was the only character to appear in both pilots. Nimoy’s Spock became a cultural phenomenon. Characterized by an emotionless devotion to the Vulcan ethos of logic, Spock was an inspiration to a generation of fans and became well known to the public at large. Nimoy had a large part in shaping the character into someone who was non-violent (Nimoy developed the Vulcan nerve pinch as an alternative to punching), ethical, intellectual, and compassionate. Nimoy and the character came back in the Star Trek animated series, six Star Trek movies, two episodes of The Next Generation, and as Spock Prime in the two rebooted Star Trek movies directed by J.J. Abrams. Nimoy continued acting after Star Trek with a starring role in Mission: Impossible and a number of smaller parts (including one of the best murderers on Peter Falk’s Columbo series). He also directed several movies, including two Star Trek films and Three Men And A Baby. He was also a prolific writer of poetry and a photographer, and published several works of each. Mr. Nimoy is survived by his wife, Susan Bay Nimoy (cousin of Transformers director Michael Bay); his children, Adam and Julie Nimoy; his grandchildren; and legions of fans. But cricket fans rejoice because after a tense last few overs with several late wickets, the Black Caps have just beaten Australia by 1 wicket. Australia batted first and made 151 all out. New Zealand scored 152 for 9, with Kane Williamson hitting the game-winning six. May this hot streak live long and prosper at least until the end of the tournament.

FCC 1, big cable 0

Silicon Valley tech firms lauded the Federal Communications Commission’s decision yesterday to preserve equal access online, while cable companies that stood to profit from a cloistered Internet warned that regulating the Web like a utility will lead to higher prices. The commission’s 3-2 vote codifies the concept of net neutrality by barring Internet service providers such as Comcast, Verizon, and AT&T from charging for access to an online fast lane, slowing loading times for certain sites, or blocking any site so long as its content is legal. The rules “ensure that every American — no matter the size of their wallets or the color of their skin — has an equal chance to innovate and reach people online,” said Barbara van Schewick, a professor of law at Stanford University and director of the school’s Center for Internet and Society. But it's not going to happen just yet. The ruling probably won’t go into effect for several months as the formal language is being crafted. But when it does, it should mean a faster and cheaper Internet for all of America - unless, of course, the cable companies pay off the FCC to get a version which better fits their agenda.

The biggest jukebox in the cloud just got bigger

Are you a music buff? Google's recent announcement should sound music to your ears. The search giant has bumped up its music storage limit for Google Play Music users by 30,000, effective immediately. The users will now be able to store up to 50,000 of their personal favorite songs on Google's cloud music storage for free, sharply up from the previous limit of 20,000 songs. Google Play is entirely cloud-based so all your music, movies, books, and apps are stored online, always available to you, and you never have to worry about losing them or moving them again (unless, of course, you do have 20,000 50,000 songs already). In a post on its official blog, the company wrote that the songs can be uploaded directly from the user's iTunes collection or from other local music folders. It can then be streamed or downloaded and played on the web itself, desktop computers, or Chromecast as well as smartphones or tablets running Android or iOS. This is a big boost for music lovers but spells out a threat to its music streaming competitors. For instance, Apple allows its users to upload only half the number of songs on the cloud with iTunes Match, but at an annual fee of US$24.99. So who has more value for money on this one? Google. But when it comes to your next computer or smartphone, just remember if it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

Brown to run it back to the States

Singer Chris Brown's "Between the Sheets" tour apparently won't be stopping in Canada this week after all: He said he had been barred from entering the country. Yesterday afternoon, Brown wrote on Twitter: “Unfortunately I will not be able to perform in front of sold out crowds in Montreal & Toronto.” He followed that up by tweeting: “The good people of the Canadian government wouldn’t allow me entry. I’ll be back this summer and will hopefully see all my Canadian fans!” Brown’s publicist confirmed to the Los Angeles Times that the singer was denied entry into Canada, but offered no additional information. Several factors are used in determining admissibility into Canada, including involvement in criminal activity, human rights violations, or organized crime; and security, health, or financial reasons. I can shed some light on this issue: the Grammy-winning singer has had numerous run-ins with the law, the latest occurring in January when a judge revoked his probation after learning that he had violated orders by leaving Los Angeles County and was present at a nightclub when people were shot. The singer has spent several months in jail for prior violations relating to his conviction for a 2009 assault on then-girlfriend Rihanna. It serves him right. If he hadn't beaten up on Rihanna, he wouldn't have had any probation to violate and he might have been allowed to perform in Canada. But now, because of his criminal past, those that bought tickets now have to seek refunds.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Threatening shopping malls

The NYPD is on alert following a threat against the United States purportedly by Somalia’s al-Qaida-linked rebel group al-Shabab. A video released over the weekend urged Muslims to attack shopping malls in the U.S., Canada, Britain, and other Western countries. The threat came in the final minutes of a more than hour-long video in which the extremists also warned Kenya of more attacks like the September 2013 assault on the Westgate Mall in Nairobi in which 67 people were killed. The masked narrator concluded by calling on Muslims to attack shopping malls, specifically naming the Mall of America in suburban Minneapolis, as well as the West Edmonton Mall in Canada and the Westfield mall in Stratford, England. It's not going to stop the capitalist machine, though. The threats towards The Interview weren't enough to completely stop its release. Charlie Hebdo bounced back from the shootings last month. Likewise, threatening shopping malls won't keep us away.

Nananananananana, nananananananana, Birdman!

For the third time in four years, Hollywood’s top honor went to a story mostly about itself: “Birdman” won best picture at the 87th Academy Awards on Sunday night. Despite relatively meager domestic ticket sales of $37.8 million, “Birdman” had been the favorite to win best picture, having swept the top prize at banquet after banquet leading up to the Oscars. Minutes before, Alejandro G. Iñárritu had won best director for “Birdman,” which also collected Oscars for best original screenplay and the cinematography of Emmanuel Lubezki. “Tonight I am wearing the real Michael Keaton tighty whities,” Mr. Iñárritu said, a joke about the long Broadway walk Mr. Keaton, the star, takes in his skivvies during the film. “Birdman,” about a washed-up actor’s comeback bid, followed two other Hollywood-related winners: “The Artist,” which won in 2012, was the bittersweet story of a silent film actor seemingly left behind by Hollywood’s transition to sound. The next year, “Argo” won with its reality-based tale of a hostage rescue that used a fake film for cover. Still, no one film this year achieved critical mass in a year that saw all eight of the best picture nominees leave with at least one Oscar.

Careless loss costs the Reds third place

Manchester United slipped to a 2-1 defeat to Swansea City this morning after briefly going ahead at the Liberty Stadium. Ander Herrera finished off a fine move to give the Reds the lead in the first half, but United were in front for less than two minutes when Ki Sung-Yueng slipped through the defence to level the scores. After the break, Bafetimbi Gomis diverted a rasping Jonjo Shelvey shot with his head for a goal that ultimately condemned Louis van Gaal's men to a first defeat on the road since November’s Manchester derby. Not only did the Reds lose and six players receive yellow cards, Man United are down to fourth place and will need to win at least five games to have any chance at the Premiership.

Busch gets tagged with Rice

Only moments after NASCAR suspended 2004 Sprint Cup champion Kurt Busch in the wake of a Delaware court’s ruling on a domestic violence incident with his ex-girlfriend, someone left the driver a message on the window of his garage (pictured). The inscription reads ‘Ray Rice’ which is a reference to the former running back of the Baltimore Ravens who was suspended indefinitely by the NFL last year after punching his then-fiancee and knocking her out in the elevator of an Atlantic City casino. Kent County Family Court commissioner David Jones wrote that Busch was found to have “more likely than not committed an act of domestic violence.” NASCAR said in a statement released yesterday afternoon that it suspended Busch “for actions detrimental to stock car racing.” I'm sure Busch got what was coming to him, just like in a scene in Wild. In that scene, Reese Witherspoon was bunking with three other hikers. One of them was singing the chorus to the 4 Non Blondes song What's Up? when another one of them asked him to stop, so he did, and then he yelled out the next line only to get chased into a tree. That bit was funny, but whether it's being a prick or beating up on your woman, DON'T DO IT. It's not worth it.

Another win for the Black Caps

The British media has been quick to put the boot into England's cricket team after their humiliating eight-wicket loss to New Zealand in Wellington today. They were 123 all out in part due to Tim Southee's remarkable seven-wicket haul before a Brendon McCullum onslaught helped the Black Caps to victory (final score 125 for 2) in little over 12 overs. The performance has been labelled one of the worst days in English cricket, but it's the last game of three that comprise one of the best weeks in New Zealand cricket. The Black Caps might win the World Cup this year if they keep it up (and that includes beating Australia).

The Teaspoon of Knowledge

Even though it’s looking increasingly likely that humanity will find a way to wipe itself off the face of the Earth, there’s a chance that our creative output may live on. Servers, hard drives, flash drives, and disks will degrade (as will our libraries of paper books, of course), but a group of researchers at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology have found a way to encode data onto DNA — the very same stuff that all living beings’ genetic information is stored on — that could survive for millennia. One gram of DNA can potentially hold up to 455 exabytes of data, according to the New Scientist. But what is an exabyte? It's a huge measure of data. And how huge is it? There are one billion gigabytes in an exabyte, and 1,000 exabytes in a zettabyte. The cloud computing company EMC estimated that there were 1.8 zettabytes of data in the world in 2011, which means we would need only about 4 grams (about a teaspoon) of DNA to hold everything from Plato through the complete works of Shakespeare to Beyonce’s latest album (not to mention every brunch photo ever posted on Instagram). But the estimate was four years ago, and there could've been much more data even then, so I'd suggest they set aside at least a few ounces just to be on the safe side. The question now is, how are they going to get it all on there? There are four types of molecules that make up DNA, which form pairs. To encode information on DNA, scientists program the pairs into 1s and 0s — the same binary language that encodes digital data. This is not a new concept (scientists at Harvard encoded a book onto DNA in 2012) but up to now, it had been difficult to retrieve the information stored on the DNA.

Now he has been arrested and we know why

Because he got high, because he got high, because he got high. Actually, no he didn't. It was an alleged assault. That's right, Afroman was arrested yesterday after he allegedly punched a female fan who got on stage during a performance in Biloxi, Mississippi. The 40-year-old Because I Got High singer was playing guitar when the woman approached him from behind and appeared to try and dance against him, according to an article by TMZ that included a video of the incident. The rapper, real name Joseph Edgar Foreman, appeared to suddenly unleash a right-handed haymaker that knocked the woman off her feet. The woman fell hard after the blow and reportedly was bleeding and crying. A representative for Afroman said the rapper didn't know if the fan was a man or a woman and just reacted to someone being on the stage. The rep also added the incident was completely out of character for Afroman. All you fans out there, please don't let that indiscretion put you off his music. Because I Got High is still a good song even after all those years, and I'm not about to let what happened yesterday ruin it for me.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Facing the Black Caps

They are proving to be the Chuck Norris of the Cricket World Cup, and for the second time in the current edition, they've dismissed the entire opposition during their turn to field. Scotland batted first today and scored 142 all out setting a lowly target of just 143 runs, which we clearly had no trouble exceeding (despite losing seven wickets in the process) for a final score of 146 for 7. Our next opponents will be England, who could prove to be a challenging team for once.

Touch the value, taste the value

How do you tell which banknote is which? Look at the number printed on it? Look at the colour (not an option if the money in question is American)? What if you were blind and couldn't see either of those? Never fear, people of Australia, there will be a new type of cash in your pockets next year that the vision impaired will find easier to use. The notes will have "tactile features", or bumpy bits (similar to the markings Canada have been using since 2001), that allow people to identify their value with just a touch. They will also have brighter colours and larger numbers (for those who can still see something), while each denomination will be a different size. The Reserve Bank has been testing different designs and consulting with vision impaired people on how well they work, but the details have not yet been finalised, and until the notes have replaced the current series in circulation, it will still be a case of the blind being bowled underarm by the blind.

Drivin' Apple cars, livin' like a star, ice on the fingers and the toes of the Tesla

Yesterday, the Black Caps logged their first victory of the 2015 Cricket World Cup, beating Sri Lanka by 98 runs. The Black Caps scored 331 for 6 and Sri Lanka 233 all out. But victory is also in the air for Planet Earth, as there is one more player in the electric car game: Apple. That's right, Apple Inc. is working on an Apple-branded electric vehicle. The project is code-named Titan and the design resembles a minivan. The Cupertino company has assigned several hundred employees to the vehicle. While a car may not ultimately result, some Apple executives have flown to Austria (the one that had Hitler, not the one with the kangaroos) to meet with contract manufacturers of high-end cars. Apple already has expertise managing a vast supply chain and has technology that may lend itself to an electric car. The company has long researched battery technology for use in its iPhones, iPads, and Macs. The mapping system it debuted in 2012 can be used for navigation. Last year, Apple also introduced CarPlay, a software system for automakers to use in its cars that integrates iTunes, mapping, messaging, and other applications. But all that fancy stuff will be old news if Apple does produce an electric car.

Don't drink and drone

A Singapore restaurant plans to use drones to transport food and drinks from the kitchen to a wait station near customers’ tables by the end of this year. That's all well and good, but delivering plates of food and drink to individual tables sounds like a recipe for disaster. How does the drone know where to hover? What if someone bumps into the drone or is standing in its way? While Infinium Robotics, the Singapore company that’s developing the drones for restaurant chain Timbre, claims it’s all technically possible, Timbre won’t be delivering food from the kitchen straight to customers’ tables. It wants to preserve a human touch. So the drones will fly from the kitchen to two stations frequented by waiters. The routes are 30 and 60 feet (9.15 and 18.3 m). The drones are programmed to fly no lower than 8½ feet (2.6 m), so as not to crash into any guests. And they will need power too, so how will they get that power? It's simple - the drones automatically charge while waiting in the kitchen. After the chef puts an order on the drone, he hits a button on a keypad and the drone automatically flies to one of two wait stations. Sense-and-avoid technology built into the drone won’t allow it to land at the wait station if anything is in its way. The drones are also equipped with sonar and an infrared sensor. A waiter then removes the food or drink from the drone and hits a button that sends it back to the kitchen. The 5⅓-pound (2.4 kg) drones can carry just over four pounds (1.8 kg) of food. Infinium Robotics, which develops the hardware and software, is working on a model that will carry twice as much food. Way to put busboys out of work, Timbre. I knew it was all about money. The waiters will clearly be the next to go.

1800 POSTS!

And another victory for the Reds at Old Trafford yesterday morning. Manchester United were made to work hard for the three points, but they saw off Burnley 3-1 thanks to a first-half double from substitute Chris Smalling and Robin van Persie's late penalty. Sean Dyche's side may feel unlucky to end up with nothing for their endeavours, but Smalling's headers before half-time and a first spot-kick of the campaign proved sufficient, with Danny Ings replying for the Clarets. Seven players received yellow cards, but what matters here is the three points, and LVG will need more of them to get the Premiership back from Man City.

Still holds true six months later

Truth-stretcher stretches his way out of a job

Six months after the suicide of Robin Williams, NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams was suspended for six months without pay for exaggerating his role in a helicopter incident in Iraq, marking the first time a network news anchor has been stripped of his duties. The disciplinary action was a stunning fall from grace for Williams, who presided over America's top-rated newscast for a decade and helped lead it to numerous Emmy and Peabody awards. The punishment follows last week's on-air apology for falsely saying that a helicopter in which he was flying on a combat mission in 2003 had come under fire. The apology touched off a firestorm and was widely perceived as insufficient by a chorus of media critics and war veterans. NBC launched an internal investigation as Williams took a temporary leave of absence. By then, though, the damage to the anchor's credibility proved too extensive to keep his job. It serves him right for making up stuff and passing it off as news. You only do that crap with news satire. If your job is to report on the real news, then you do that instead of making stuff up. If your helicopter wasn't shot down, don't say it was otherwise your job could also be on the line.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: "Smart" televisions

I do want one, but not if they're going to be used in ways more befitting of the NSA. And if you have one, watch what you say in your living room. Samsung's smart TV could be listening. And sharing. Voice recognition technology in the South Korean company's Internet connected TVs can capture and transmit nearby conversations. The potential for TVs to eavesdrop is revealed in Samsung's smart TV privacy policy available on its website. Quoting from said policy, "please be aware that if your spoken works include personal or other sensitive information, that information will be among the data captured." Despite this, some people accept this as a necessary evil because for the voice command feature to work, third party software translates speech into text and sends the command back to the TV. Users can give commands to the TV's built-in microphone such as "find me an action movie," which causes the TV to search as instructed. This is not the first time that smart TVs sparked privacy concerns. In 2013, a user revealed that LG Electronics smart TV was sending information about his viewing habits back to the company without consent and without encrypting data. LG has also experimented with displaying targeted ads on its smart TVs, which requires collecting and utilizing user data, such as their location, age, and gender. Seriously, people, if you don't want your TV doing that to you, don't turn the microphone on unless absolutely necessary. And if you're using other people's televisions to spy on their conversations, STOP IT. That includes you, NSA.

Point obtained at last minute

Daley Blind scored an injury time goal for Manchester United this morning to secure a dramatic 1-1 draw against West Ham - although Louis van Gaal might rue a missed chance to reclaim third place in the Barclays Premier League table. The Reds started the match knowing a victory would be enough to go above Southampton in the table again, but they trailed for most of the second half following Cheikhou Kouyate’s impressive opener at Upton Park. With time running out, after struggling against Sam Allardyce’s hard-working team, the visitors snatched a point from the jaws of defeat with Blind's timely strike. Luke Shaw's subsequent red card for a second bookable offence was only a slight blemish on a battling performance, as were the four other yellow cards that were shown. This isn't good enough. You can't get back to the top on just one point at a time. It's still better than LVG just being the next David Moyes, but come on. This season should be about rebuilding.

Just five posts away

from post number 1800.

To Oxford comma or not to Oxford comma?

I don't know about you losers, but I say yes to the serial comma, and this pic will tell you why:

Happy birthday, Hazel. (for those of you who don't know, she's my niece and she turned 2 today)

Interview to be released over the Atlantic

British cinema audiences will finally be able to see for themselves what all the fuss was about when The Interview, a comedy about two hapless US journalists’ attempts to assassinate the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, is released on over 200 screens across the country today. Unlike in the US, where Sony initially pulled the film from distribution for fear of further retribution from the suspected North Korean hackers who called themselves the Guardians of Peace, the film will get a full cinema release in the UK. Despite Sony back-tracking on its decision to pull the film after the decision drew criticism from President Obama for caving into terrorist demands, the film was only given a very limited theatrical release in the US, shown in only around 500 cinemas instead of the planned 3,000. It was made available to purchase via on-demand services and has already been rented or downloaded 4.3m times and has taken $40m from digital sales and over $6m from cinema takings. Sony have now claimed it is the “No 1 online film of all time”, and with the The Interview costing $44m to make, all production costs have already been recouped. Eat on that, Guardians of Peace. Just like Charlie Hebdo last month, The Interview has come back bigger and stronger than before. And the British, even though they were among America's first enemies, will just add to Sony's profits. It's called the Streisand effect, people. Look it up.

So the FCC better let net neutrality be

FCC chairman Tom Wheeler has confirmed he will put forward strong rules enforcing net neutrality this month. These protections, if approved, will try to ensure all traffic across the internet is treated equally, with no one able to build so-called "fast lanes" for rich websites. It is feared these expensive web toll roads could be used to squeeze out startups that would otherwise become the next Netflix, for example. The ISPs argue websites should pay towards the networking kit carrying their packets. Following two days of vague leaks from the regulator's staff, the chairman was today unambiguous: "I am proposing that the FCC use its Title II authority to implement and enforce open internet protections." These would represent "the strongest open internet protections ever proposed by the FCC", he continued, and act as "enforceable, bright-line rules [that] will ban paid prioritization, and the blocking and throttling of lawful content and services." We already knew Wheeler was heading in this direction, and one thing is certain - he faces a huge fight, with big cable and Republicans on one side and internet freedom advocates and Democrats on the other. The public opinion fight has already been won, but the more private legal and political fight is about to start. Let's hope the rational side wins this one.

Not much to write about tonight so here's how to use certain memes correctly

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Estate fights

Robin Williams' widow and his three children from previous marriages are currently engaged in a legal battle over everything from his clothing to his action figures, nearly six months after the actor and comic's death. Williams' third wife, Susan Schneider Williams, whom he married in 2011, filed court documents making her case in December, while his children – Zak, born to his first wife Valerie Velardi, and Zelda and Cody, born to second wife Marsha Garces Williams – submitted their papers in January. The New York Times reports that a number of items are at stake - including photographs, bicycles, fossils, toys, and his awards - and that the children would like to see the matter resolved "as quickly and efficiently as possible." The actor's will left his estate to his children in a trust, but it also called for the creation of provisions to benefit his wife, who has two teenage sons of her own. This included the couple's home in Tiburon, California and "the contents thereof." In her filing, Williams' wife alleged that within days of the actor's death, items were "unilaterally removed" from her home. Moreover, when she hired a lawyer, she found that home services like newspaper delivery were canceled. All of this, she claimed, has interfered with the grieving process. For their part, the children said they are "heartbroken" in their petition and underscored their feelings about Susan Williams by mentioning that she was married to the actor for "less than three years." In their opinion, the widow's filing "adds insult to terrible injury" and is a means to "prevent them from receiving what their father wanted them to receive." They allege that she "acted against [their father's] wishes by challenging the plans he so carefully made for his estate." The most hotly debated items are Williams' personal effects, including his awards – an Oscar for Good Will Hunting, six Golden Globes, two Emmys, and five Grammys. An updated version of Williams' trust said that the actor's clothing, jewelry, and photos taken prior to the actor and Susan's marriage, as well as his second home in Napa, California and its contents, should go to his children. You want to know how I see it? Susan Williams is being more than just a wicked stepmother - she is being a pig. She needs to realise that the will is supposed to benefit more than just one person. There could be one or both of Robin's ex-wives, or even some of his co-stars over the years, for instance Pam Dawber, named in the will. So please, Miss Schneider (or Williams depending on whether or not you're keeping his name), let Robin's children have their fair share of his stuff. It's only right.

Own goal helps Reds in continued improvement from last season

Manchester United saw off Leicester City 3-1 yesterday morning with all of the Reds' strikes at Old Trafford coming inside the first half through Robin van Persie, Radamel Falcao, and an own goal by Wes Morgan. Louis van Gaal's side were less expansive after the break and Marcin Wasilewski pulled one back with 10 minutes remaining to raise hopes in the away end of another unbelievable comeback akin to the one that yielded a 5-3 victory at the King Power Stadium. However, there was never too much doubt about the outcome in United's favour, but there was one yellow card in the whole game.

The Three-Year-Old Bigot

The Bellend of the Month for January 2015 is not a person, but rather political correctness gone mad. It's happening in the UK, where children as young as three are being branded racists, homophobes, and bigots over playground taunts. Thousands of pupils are being reported for so-called hate crimes after using innocuous words such as ‘Chinese boy’, ‘Somalian’, or ‘gay’. Teachers also log insults like ‘doughnut’ and ‘fat bucket of KFC’. Even calling a pupil a ‘girl’ can be classified as abuse. Schools file the incidents for local education authorities. The details are also passed to Ofsted inspectors who are required to assess how teachers deal with bullying. Records of a child’s ‘prejudice-related’ behaviour can be passed to their next school, potentially casting a shadow over their secondary education. Alleged offences by more than 4,000 pupils were logged in just 13 council areas – meaning the national total may stretch into the tens of thousands. Civil liberties campaigners warned the practice could have serious consequences for any children labelled as bigots. Particularly worrying is the expansion of incident recording and reporting to ever-greater categories of prejudice, which seem limited only by the strange imagination of education officials. One primary school pupil calling another a girl suddenly becomes a sign of gender image prejudice, subjected to recording requirements more thorough than accompanying most burglaries. A reality check is urgently required. Schools should record such bullying, but they should record and share details of bullying by type, without identifying the children or young people involved. This helps tackle bullying in the most appropriate way and to develop assemblies or programmes about specific issues if required. Recording types and rates of bullying and prejudiced-based incidents is good practice for schools and is data that Ofsted is interested in. Identifying the pupils should be used for disciplinary purposes only.

Justice for Ramarley at long last

The Los Angeles police chief is asking Google to eliminate a cop-spotting feature from its Waze traffic app. Waze is Google’s popular traffic app that lets users collaborate to report locations of heavy traffic, road closures, police speed traps, and other driving incidents. Publicly sharing information about the location of a marked police car, the LAPD chief claims, jeopardizes police officers’ lives. His evidence? The man who recently killed two cops in New York had used the Waze app at some point before the shooting. So what? They had it coming. American cops have been shooting unarmed black teenagers and getting away with it for too long. And the NYPD have successfully weaselled their way out of a lawsuit in relation to one such shooting that took place in 2012, for the family of a Bronx teenager (pictured) who was fatally shot by a police officer who had barged into his apartment after suspecting him of taking part in a drug deal has agreed to settle a wrongful-death lawsuit against the city for US$3.9 million. The agreement to settle the case comes nearly three years after the shooting of the teenager, Ramarley Graham. But as long as they pay up and accept responsibility for their little "accident", I would still consider that an acceptable outcome. The question now: will they pay the $3.9 million?

You can't unboil an egg... or can you?

It has often been said that you can't unscramble an egg. But you might be able to unboil one. When you boil an egg, the heat causes the proteins inside the egg white to tangle and clump together, solidifying it. New research published in ChemBioChem by scientists at UC Irvine shows how they can essentially reverse the clumping process by adding chemicals to a cooked egg. “Yes, we have invented a way to unboil a hen egg,” UCI biochemist Gregory Weiss said in a statement. “In our paper, we describe a device for pulling apart tangled proteins and allowing them to refold." And they didn't just go for a standard 10-minute hard boiled egg. No, the researchers decided, just to make absolutely sure the whites were cooked, to boil the eggs for 20 minutes at 194 degrees Fahrenheit. Adding urea to the eggs untangled the knotted proteins by chemically breaking them into bits, returning the eggs to a liquid form. (Note: Urea is one of the main ingredients in pee, so these unboiled eggs are probably not delicious.) Then the researcher put the (now liquid) solution into a machine called a 'vortex fluid device.' The device pieces the broken proteins back together within minutes — a vast improvement over older methods of reconstituting proteins, which could take days. But unboiling eggs isn't the main focus for the researchers. “The real problem is there are lots of cases of gummy proteins that you spend way too much time scraping off your test tubes, and you want some means of recovering that material,” Weiss said. That's all well and good, but maybe they should try unscrambling eggs next, then look at reversing several other ways to cook eggs.

Search for crap goes too far

A North Texas school district is investigating after about two dozen elementary students were told to pull down their pants after feces was found on a gym floor on Monday. According to a parent, the children at Gustine Elementary School were forced to show their underwear so officials could determine the source of the feces. It is not clear if the search led officials to the source of the feces, and either way, Superintendent Ken Baugh said he does not condone the search and that partially strip-searching students went too far. He said the district is investigating. If they had security cameras in the gym and they had bothered to look through the footage, they could've found the source that way and determine whether it came from a pupil or an animal or even a teacher or somebody that has no other affiliation with the school.

The transhating is over

Google is generally very progressive when it comes to LBGT rights; it's at times put up quotes and Google Doodles on its homepage seemingly with an advocacy lean. The company in 2012 launched a campaign called "Legalize Love", which both supported gay marriage in the U.S. and pushed foreign countries to decriminalize homosexuality. Google has competitive benefits for gay employees, who commonly refer to themselves as "Gayglers." But they have come under fire from LBGT (lesbian, bisexual, gay, and transgender) petition site AllOut.org over flaws in Google Translate, which led to translations to some languages yielding homophobic slurs. Google has now fixed the issue and apologized for its mistake. The controversy came after people noticed that when translating neutral words in foreign languages pertaining to homosexuality, the English translations at times suggested English colloquialisms that are commonly considered homophobic slurs among native speakers. This controversial vernacular was also peculiar as searches for neutral foreign equivalents racial terms (e.g. words which would translate to "Asian", "White", or "Black") or gender terms (e.g. words that would translate to "female") did not display racist or sexist slang. Some of the translations seemed to be especially offensive for languages spoken in regions with active homophobia, such as Russia. "гей", for example - a Russian word which means "gay" - offered some pretty wild suggestions:

But remember, people, that just because Google have admitted and corrected their moment of weakness does not make their smartphone OS any better than Apple's. If it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Being a creep

And here's what I mean by that: a 70-year-old was arrested for posting dirty knickers through the door of The Corrs star Jim Corr. The sole male member of 90s band The Corrs received some unwanted mail that definitely wasn’t from a fan – it was part of a long-running feud between his neighbours, which also included cars being damaged and dog poo being posted through letterboxes. Jim Corr caught the perpetrator by installing security cameras and catching the knicker-poster in the act. Seriously, this is not only obnoxious but unsanitary. I know popstars are probably used to having underwear thrown at them, just not so much used ones because what if the intended recipient were to touch a bit with skid marks or semen on it? That would be really gross, even more so if germs were to spread and somebody got sick. So please don't send dirty undies in the mail.

100 years of long distance

Making a phone call from New York to California doesn't count as an extraordinary feat these days. But pretend it's 1915, when a verbal conversation spanning the continent was a remarkable — almost unbelievable — achievement in technology. Yesterday was the 100th anniversary of what is often called the first transcontinental phone call, made by iconic communications inventor Alexander Graham Bell, in New York, to his assistant Thomas Watson, all the way out in San Francisco. The phone call also included President Woodrow Wilson, who was in the White House, and AT&T president Theodore Vail in Georgia. The first ceremonial transcontinental phone line opened on Jan. 25, 1915. Of course, the actual first transcontinental phone call probably took place the year before, historians agree, after the phone line was completed for testing. The 1915 call was part of the Panama-Pacific International Exposition that year — a celebration of the Panama Canal's completion and a showcase of the newly revitalized San Francisco, which had been decimated by a 1906 earthquake and fire. It was a heavily scripted conversation, one designed to bring in publicity for the achievement, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. The only genuine moment came when Bell first asked Watson, "Are you there? Do you hear me?" Bell was also the man behind the very first phone call of all time, which took place on March 10, 1876 — almost 39 years prior to the transcontinental conversation. That phone call was also made to Bell's assistant, Watson. "Mr. Watson, come here," Bell is reported to have said. "Come here. I want to see you." AT&T built the coast-to-coast telephone system, which included 130,000 telephone poles and 2,500 tons of copper wire that spanned 3,400 miles, according to the company. All that for a four-way conference call — quite a long way from being able to FaceTime using iPhones. But enough about all that because tomorrow is the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.

Meet George Jetson, on the big screen

The Jetsons might just get a second chance on the silver screen. Warner Bros. has hired writer Matt Lieberman to pen a script for a feature film based on the iconic Hanna-Barbera show from the early ‘60s, reports Deadline and Variety. According to those reports, the script is being put together from scratch for an animated feature. Back in 1990, The Jetsons had a less-than-stellar theatrical debut with Jetsons: The Movie. Despite being directed by Joseph Barbera, one of the show's original creators, the film was widely panned. Let's hope they do better this time, because it would be cool if they got back on the big screen.

It was announced a year ago today

During the first five seconds of this clip, the bottom left photo will show the two of them copying two recent fads way before it was cool - Pam has a sweater tied around her neck in a near-perfect copy of the Juvilicious look from the fifth episode of Jonah from Tonga, and Robin is doing a near-perfect imitation of Gangnam Style.

Next round fired in war on bullying

King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, the powerful U.S. ally who joined Washington's fight against Al Qaeda and sought to modernize the ultraconservative Muslim kingdom, has died at the age of 90. His successor is his 79-year-old half-brother, Prince Salman, who recently has taken on the ailing Abdullah's responsibilities. But enough about that because a Minnesota man is out of a job after a video with some fairly strong language went viral taking aim at his family, who reportedly bullied a 14-year-old African-American girl. Brad Knudson posted a video on YouTube telling the story of his African-American daughter who he says was being bullied with racist messages via Snapchat. The video was posted Monday and already has more than 300,000 views online. Knudson says a set of twin girls in Prior Lake, Minnesota sent his daughter messages on Snapchat making racist statements and cursing at her. He says his daughter, who they were able to adopt eleven years ago, recieved at least four different messages from the twins. Snapchats are typically deleted as soon as they're watched, so he recorded the fourth message. To watch it, click here, but a word of warning: the video contains strong language which may not be appropriate for all viewers.

Netflix about to go global

Netflix wants to stop its customers from using virtual private networks (VPNs), but not through blocking the services; instead, it plans on signing content deals on a global basis, meaning customers anywhere in the world can get the same TV shows and films at the same time. In its Q4 results released on Tuesday, video-streaming giant Netflix announced aggressive plans to complete an expansion across the entire globe in just two years. First off the rank are Australia and New Zealand in March, where the company has been fairly coy in revealing the price, or exactly what shows will be on the service at launch time. There has been fear that the content offering on the Australian service will be inferior to the US service, because much of the content has already been snapped up in exclusive agreements with Foxtel, or other local players like Quickflix or the upcoming Fairfax-Nine venture Stan. The company is also currently refusing to confirm that Netflix-produced content House of Cards and Orange is the New Black will be available on the Australian service at launch, because of pre-existing deals signed with Foxtel prior to the company's plans to enter the Australian market. It is believed that Netflix will have House of Cards at launch due to the rights expiring with Foxtel at the end of last year. But I'm still not using either country's service while there are BitTorrent sites that can provide you with a lot of that content plus much more for free.

Trial of the Joker: The Beginning

The logistics of putting James Holmes on trial are as staggering as the carnage he allegedly committed in a crowded movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, in July 2012 when 12 people were killed and 58 others injured in gunfire. Consider this: some 9,000 potential jurors are being summoned, and the jury selection that began yesterday could last until May or June when the trial would finally start. Judge Carlos A. Samour Jr. told the first pool of potential jurors that if chosen for the jury, they cannot read, watch, or hear anything about the case. "This will require great effort on your part," the judge said three times. Also in the courtroom was Holmes, whose face remained expressionless. He faced forward toward the judge's bench the entire time without looking around or at the potential jurors in the room. Holmes, who colored his hair red and told police he was "The Joker" upon arrest after the mass killing, is now a different picture. In court, he had a clean haircut, trimmed beard, eyeglasses, gray sport coat, tan slacks, and blue-and-white-striped dress shirt. In all, Arapahoe County residents stand a 1-in-50 chance of receiving a summons. The enormous pool of potential jurors, designed to ensure a fair trial for Holmes, is being called one of the largest in U.S. history. The court is casting such a wide net for jurors that it has unwittingly summoned 12 potential witnesses in the case, but Judge Samour has already excused those individuals from the jury summonses. With the removal of those witnesses from the jury pool, the number of potential witnesses receiving a summons could now be as high as 43, though prosecutors acknowledged in court papers "that it is likely two individuals could have the same names and not be the same person as the endorsed prosecution witnesses in this case." But the potential conflicts don't end there. Four potential jurors are related to the prosecutor's staff: two husbands, a father, and an uncle. Another potential juror is a best friend of a prosecution staff member. A wife and a former colleague of prosecution witnesses are also potential jurors. But the judge declined immediately to excuse those seven potential jurors. "Because neither party asks the court to take any action with respect to these individuals, the court refrains from doing so at this time," the judge said. Let's hope that the right twelve are picked and that justice is eventually served on that loser.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Protesting against free speech

Tens of thousands of people have gathered in the Russian region of Chechnya to rally against the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo. They marched through the streets of downtown Grozny, the capital of the predominantly Muslim region, releasing balloons and carrying posters that read "Hands off our beloved prophet" and "Europe has only united us." On Friday, Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov wrote on his official Instagram account that those who defended Charlie Hebdo were his "personal enemies," and vowed that at least one million people would join the government-sponsored protest in Grozny. Russia, which has a large and restive Muslim population and waged two devastating wars against Chechnya in the 1990s, offered its condolences to France after the attack but has warned local publications against reprinting Charlie Hebdo cartoons that featured the Prophet Mohammed. Seriously, it's just a few cartoons. I don't see what the big deal is about a magazine exercising their right to free speech. It would be a much better outcome than caving in to terrorist threats like a coward.

Webs in Space

Elon Musk, the man who's determined to move our civilization to Mars, will also tackle creating an Internet in space. The CEO of Tesla Motors and SpaceX said Friday night that he will use a fleet of satellites to make the Internet speedier and to bring it to those without access, according to media reports of a private event in Seattle. While this new network would initially benefit only those of us on Earth, Musk said he has much loftier plans: using the profits to build a Martian city. He didn't offer specifics on how he'll make money off the project, but he did mention the possibility of selling satellites after the network is completed. SpaceX did not return a request for comment. To create the new network, SpaceX will build and launch roughly 4,000 satellites orbiting about 750 miles above earth. Musk is known for his determination to colonize Earth's relatively nearby neighbor, with plans to put humans on Mars by the mid 2020s. I wish him good luck with that. We've been able to put people on the Moon and return them safely, so he should try there first.

The eyes of the Rangers are upon 'em

After a tight and scrappy first hour at Loftus Road this morning, Manchester United turned up the heat and the attacking intent in the second half to secure a 2-0 win over Queens Park Rangers, thanks to substitutes Marouane Fellaini and James Wilson. On a testing surface against committed opposition and five yellow cards, the game had lacked finesse and clinical finishing – on another day Radamel Falcao could have had a hat-trick at least – but, on the back of defeat to Southampton and three league matches without a victory for the Reds, Louis van Gaal will be happy to be back to winning ways. But it is going to take more than just one win to reach the top, as the Reds are still 12 points behind Chelsea and therefore have a bit of catching up to do.

Apple no longer king of the apps

Apple's App Store may have had a record-breaking start to 2015, but as appFigures reports, Google has a new superlative to brag about. For the first time, the Google Play store surpassed Apple’s online store in number of apps. Google ended 2014 with more than 1.43 million apps compared with Apple’s 1.21 million. Amazon may have been the runt of the litter, but its Appstore saw growth of about 90 percent last year, bringing its total number of apps to around 293,000. So Android users have 200,000 more apps to choose from. But Apple always has been, and always will be, where it's at, just like Man United during their horrendous 7th-place finish under David Moyes last season. And even though Louis van Gaal is turning it around, the silverware isn't quite theirs yet. They have to win several more games, starting with this weekend's match against QPR, and hope the teams above them lose or draw their next few before the Reds even have a chance at the top spot.

Apple Watch: now with more info

Today is the 20th anniversary of the premiere of Star Trek: Voyager, and yesterday was the 20th anniversary of the introduction of the first two North American area codes not to have a 0 or 1 as the middle digit (first one was 334; 360 came a minute later). Fast-forward to 2015, and a leaked iPhone app is revealing new details about Apple’s upcoming Apple Watch, which is due out early this year. The Apple Watch will be able to send text messages using your voice, remind you to stand up once in a while, and track your heart rate. A companion app for your iPhone will help you customize your Apple Watch and arrange its home screen. And you may be able to use your screens as Wi-Fi hotspots at the Marriott again because Marriott International says it will stop blocking guests from using their personal Wi-Fi devices at its hotels after receiving customer complaints. "Marriott International listens to its customers, and we will not block guests from using their personal Wi-Fi devices at any of our managed hotels," the Maryland-based company said in a statement on its website. Marriott, along with the American Hotel and Lodging Association and Ryman Hospitality Properties, had petitioned the Federal Communications Commission last summer to clarify whether or not hotels can disable people's ability to use their mobile phones as personal Wi-Fi hotspots in their conference centers. Marriott had argued that allowing people to do so could expose its hotels to cyberattacks. Google, Microsoft, and other wireless providers had asked the FCC to reject Marriott's request. Soon after, customers became more vocal with their complaints against the practice, arguing that Marriott was trying to force them into paying for the hotel's Wi-Fi. In its statement on Wednesday, Marriott said it would continue to seek guidance from the FCC as to what it can do to keep its network secure. I have a solution for that - it's called a firewall.

Orson-sized tribute to Mork underway in the 585

Robin Williams is being honored at the Dryden Theater in Rochester, New York with a new series featuring nine of the comedian's most loved performances and films. The idea for the series happened after Williams died last year and took months for the theater's assistant curator to gather the films she wanted included. Some of those films include The Birdcage, Good Morning Vietnam, and Good Will Hunting. Caroline Yeager, the Assistant Curator at the Dryden Theater said she felt obligated to honor the tremendous actor and comedian. "When someone like that, a performer like that, people identify with him," Yeager said. "He made so many people happy and brought such joy, he could make you laugh and to lose him it was such a sad thing." That could be worth checking out if you're in the area, but even if you're not, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer have a lot to celebrate. Not only did the second season of their Comedy Central show Broad City premiere a few hours ago, but the cable network has also picked it up for a third season. “It has just been brought to my attention that Broad City is a female-centric show,” the network’s Kent Alterman joked in a statement, “but we’re going to do more anyway.” If you missed it or can't wait for it to air in your country, it will be available right now on many a BitTorrent site, as will the whole first season. Click here now to get your Broad City fix.

Deaths at a funeral

At least 72 people who drank a homemade beer at a funeral in Mozambique over the weekend have died, health officials have announced. Authorities believe that the beer, a traditional millet-based brew called pombe, was poisoned during the course of the funeral. While the death toll has gone up, the number of individuals hospitalized from the beer has dropped dramatically. There are currently 35 in the hospital following the apparent poisoning, regional health official Paula Bernardo told the Associated Press. Yesterday, more than 169 people were reportedly still seeking treatment. “As we prepared to determine the cause of death of people we began to receive a lot of people with diarrhea and other muscle aches. After that we began to receive dead bodies from several neighborhoods,” Bernardo told a state-run radio station in Mozambique. Officials believe that the brew was poisoned some time during the daylong funeral, but have few leads on the cause or motivation. Those who drank the brew only in the morning had no signs of illness, but those who drank in the afternoon were sick by the next morning. And what was the poison, I hear you ask? Carle Mosse, a provincial health director, told reporters that some suspected the brew was poisoned with crocodile bile. So did a district health official going by the name Alex Albertini. But it’s not clear where the evidence for that suspicion is coming from. Testing has not yet been completed on samples taken from the brew and from victims, according to the BBC. The samples sent to the National Laboratory in the capital city Maputo contain “suspicious objects found inside the drum” where the beer was stored, but to make things even more complicated, the Associated Press reported that the drum in which the beer was held has since “disappeared.” Seriously, people. Don't trust home-made liquor, otherwise it could be your funeral the tainted home-brew is being served at.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Trying to cut the head off

Remember, guys, it will grow back, starting with French satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo, which is publishing a cartoon of the Prophet Mohammed on the cover of its first issue since the attack that killed 12 people at its office in Paris. The newspaper Liberation hosted Charlie Hebdo staff as they prepared the new issue and is handling its special 1 million-copy print run in numerous languages. Liberation published the Charlie Hebdo cover online late last night, showing a man in a white turban it says represents the Prophet. He is holding a sign reading “Je suis Charlie” (“I am Charlie“) and with a title reading “Tout est Pardonne” (“All is Forgiven“), which French media interpreted as meaning Mohammed is forgiving the cartoonists for lampooning him. In real life, when a pencil is broken, the bit with the rubber on it can be sharpened at the break to make a second pencil. The other bit can be sharpened at the break to make a double-ended pencil, meaning three different ends from where you can write with it. Similarly, if you try to stop Charlie Hebdo, it will come back stronger than ever before. It's called the Streisand effect, people. It got its name from when Barbra Streisand tried to get a photo of her house (pictured) taken down, only for the pic to receive even more attention.

Saints subject Reds to unholiest defeat

Manchester United suffered a first defeat in 12 games and surrendered third place in the Barclays Premier League this morning after Southampton secured a shock 1-0 win at Old Trafford with Dusan Tadic's solitary strike and two of the game's four yellow cards. The Reds controlled large chunks of the game but ultimately struggled to break down an organised Saints team that has increasingly realistic hopes of earning a spot in next season's Champions League. Loser van Gaal has proved himself over the course of the season (except for the Moyes-like start), but there is still more work to be done if the Reds are to win the Premiership. They are twelve points behind the current leaders Chelsea (who currently have 49 points). This means they need to win at least four games to tie for the top, and that's if Chelsea lose their next four games. It can be done, though.

Mad Men finally at its mad end

The climax to acclaimed US drama Mad Men will begin on April 5 when the first of the final seven episodes airs, AMC television announced yesterday. The seventh and last season of the hit show chronicling the lives of New York advertising executives in the 1960s officially got under way last year, with seven episodes being shown. But the last half of the season was held over until 2015, with the final seven episodes now confirmed to begin screening in April. Once that's over, it will join other crap shows like Two and a Half Men and Glee in the "thank goodness it's over" pile where it rightfully belongs. In fact, with all the other bullcrap not coming back for the fall, The Crazy Ones could've come back and filled one of those voids had Robin Williams not killed himself. And maybe Pam Dawber could've been in another episode or two. So think about it, all you suicidal folk out there: do you still want to go through with it?

Shooting suspects join their victims six feet under

A dramatic, violent day ended in France with a hail of gunfire at two separate hostage scenes. Dead are the suspected militants behind the Charlie Hebdo attack - the brothers Cherif and Said Kouachi - who were killed by French law enforcement at a printing shop in Dammartin-en-Goele. An equally tense siege unfolded at a kosher supermarket in Paris, where Kouachi brother ally, Amedy Coulibaly, was killed after a standoff that lasted five hours. That's right, people - just like the gunman who raided a cafe in Sydney last month, the hostage-takers in Paris also died in the crossfire. Before you plan your next siege, ask yourselves this: is it really worth it?

Doubtfire house on fire

A woman has been arrested following an arson attack on the famous house from the Robin Williams film Mrs Doubtfire, according to reports. The woman, 25-year-old Tyqwon Eugenen Welch, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder, criminal threats, trespassing, arson, and possession of an incendiary device, a San Francisco police spokesman told The LA Times. Police said petrol was poured onto the doormat and set alight, but it was quickly put out. The homeowner, plastic surgeon Douglas Ousterhout, said he could smell gasoline and called police when he saw the door mat smouldering. The blaze damaged the home's front door and garage. The house, located in the Pacific Heights area of San Francisco, has become a popular tourist destination since the film was released in 1993. It was also turned into a memorial following Mr Williams' suicide last August, and what Welch did to it was a crime not only against the homeowner but also Robin Williams' legacy. What if 1619 Pine Street (Mork and Mindy's address in Boulder, Colorado) was next? Or the bench from Good Will Hunting?

Death by Cartoons

Last night at 11:30pm New Zealand Daylight Time, three masked gunmen armed with Kalashnikov rifles, a shotgun, and a rocket-propelled grenade launcher stormed the headquarters of the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris. They shot and killed 12 people, including Charlie Hebdo staff and two French National police officers, and wounded 11 others. The gunmen entered the building and began shooting with automatic weapons, while shouting "Allahu Akbar". Up to 50 shots were fired during the attack. Following a massive manhunt, the French police believe they have located the attackers and are mounting an operation against them. One suspect has turned himself in. The incident is France's deadliest act of terrorism since 18 June 1961, when 28 people died in a train bombing.

Prior to the shooting, the gunmen had burst into number 6 Rue Nicolas-Appert, where the magazine's archives were based. The gunmen reportedly shouted "Is this Charlie Hebdo?", before realizing they had the wrong address and fleeing. They then went to the magazine's headquarters at number 10 Rue Nicolas-Appert. Cartoonist Corinne Rey reported that two armed and hooded men, speaking perfect French, threatened the life of her toddler daughter whom she had picked up from day care, and forced her to type in the code to open the door to the building. The men then moved up to an office on the second floor, where the staff were in an editorial meeting, with approximately 15 members in attendance. The entire shooting lasted between five and ten minutes. Witnesses reported that the gunmen sought out members of the staff by name before executing them with single shots to the head. Other witnesses reported that the gunmen identified themselves as belonging to al-Qaeda in Yemen.

The targeting of journalists going about their daily work is an attack on the fourth estate and the democratic principles of freedom of speech and expression, which must be strongly condemned. Violence will always lose against freedom and democracy, just like it did when Sony decided they would release The Interview after all. Neither the Sony hackers or al-Qaeda will be able to destroy the most sacred that we human beings have, that is, our rights and our freedoms.