Madiba becomes Ma-dead-a

Freedom fighter, prisoner, moral compass, and South Africa's symbol of the struggle against racial oppression. That was Nelson Mandela, who emerged from prison after 27 years to lead his country out of decades of apartheid. He died last night (South African Standard Time) at age 95. His message of reconciliation, not vengeance, inspired the world after he negotiated a peaceful end to segregation and urged forgiveness for the white government that imprisoned him. "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison," Mandela said after he was freed in in 1990. Years after his 1999 retirement from the presidency, Mandela was considered the ideal head of state. He became a yardstick for African leaders, who consistently fell short when measured against him. Not falling short of that yardstick, however, is the world's first scheduled route for Boeing's 787-9 Dreamliner. As the latest Dreamliner's first customer, Air New Zealand will be flying the launch aircraft from Auckland (where the airline is based) to Perth (in Western Australia) starting in October 2014. A cabin mock-up was revealed as part of the announcement at the opening of the airline's Customer Innovation and Collaboration Centre in Auckland. The launch aircraft will offer 302 seats total in four cabins: the business premier cabin housing 18 lie-flat seats, a premium economy cabin with 21 seats, and two economy cabins with 263 seats total. The plane will also have 14 rows with Skycouches - a design unique to the Kiwi airline that turns a row of three economy seats into a three-seater "couch." New features also include a slimmer seat back due to more compact inflight entertainment monitors, allowing more personal space for the passenger. Following the Auckland-Perth route, Air New Zealand will be flying its fleet of 10 787-9 aircraft on routes to Tokyo and Shanghai. Let's just hope the battery doesn't malfunction on the way to or from Perth. And speaking of batteries, a married couple from Missoula, Montana appeared in court yesterday, each facing a pair of felony charges after allegedly throwing a car battery through a window and burglarizing a trailer in the Hollywood Trailer Court. Clayton Willard Carter and his wife, Mary Ann Kickingwoman, are accused of breaking into a trailer and attempting to steal items to settle a debt. According to an affidavit, Carter repeatedly called the trailer’s resident, demanding money she supposedly owed him, but the woman stopped answering her phone and locked the door when the couple arrived at the residence. Unable to find a way into the trailer, Carter allegedly threw the battery through the window and crawled inside before opening the door for his wife. Carter was allegedly holding a knife and Kickingwoman was holding a large wrench when they entered the residence. “They demanded money and when she told them she didn’t have any, they began looking for items to take instead,” the affidavit stated. When the Missoula police responded, they found the car battery inside the trailer surrounded by broken glass and blood from a laceration on Carter’s hand. Kickingwoman and Carter were still inside. This is just wrong. They could've just sued them for the money instead of settling the supposed debt in ways more befitting of the mob. You don't just come into someone's home and steal their stuff over an unpaid debt - get a debt collector or the courts involved.

Toffees cause sticky situation for the champions

Bryan Oviedo's goal four minutes from time condemned Manchester United to a disappointing defeat this morning as David Moyes' former club Everton, who actually seem to be performing better without him, stole the points at Old Trafford in a match where no yellow or red cards were dished out. United were looking to go above the Toffees in the table but Wayne Rooney and Danny Welbeck were both out of luck in front of goal when denied by the woodwork, and the Merseysiders took full advantage late on. The Reds came closest to scoring in an evenly-matched first half when Rooney struck a post. The in-form hitman, playing against his first club, saw his shot deflect off both Phil Jagielka and Sylvain Distin before hitting the upright and Tim Howard diverted the rebound away from Shinji Kagawa. But seriously, the Red Devils are not performing at the top of their game right now. They are 12 points behind the champions. It's a miracle they are even in the top half of the table right now.

Bottom three still at the bottom

Afghanistan, North Korea, and Somalia are seen as the most corrupt nations in the world, according to Transparency International's latest survey. More than two thirds of the 177 countries included in the 2013 Corruption Perceptions Index scored below 50, where 0 indicates the country's public sector is seen as highly corrupt and 100 as very clean. Denmark and New Zealand performed best with scores of 91. Afghanistan, North Korea, and Somalia tied last with 8 points each. "All countries still face the threat of corruption at all levels of government, from the issuing of local permits to the enforcement of laws and regulations," said Huguette Labelle, Transparency International's Chair in a statement. In Syria, where 100,000 have died in a conflict which began in 2011 and has now exploded into war, people regard its public sector as increasingly corrupt. The stricken nation dropped 9 points from 144th place to 168th. Libya, Yemen, Spain, Australia, Guatemala, and Madagascar were among other countries whose scores declined significantly. Myanmar saw the biggest improvement, rising from 5th last position in 2012 to 19 places from the bottom this year. The change reflects the benefits of introducing more open and democratic rules after years of military rule, according to Transparency International's Asia Pacific Director, Srirak Plipat. Myanmar also ratified an international treaty against corruption in December 2012 and the parliament approved an anti-corruption law in July, although this is yet to come into force. While Greece's score rose four points this year to 40, but remained the lowest ranking country in the European Union in 80th place. Brunei, Laos, Senegal, Nepal, Estonia, Lesotho, and Latvia also improved. But more still needs to be done about that, just like more needs to be done when it comes to this: kids and their parents at a cinema in Florida who were expecting to see Disney's latest movie Frozen were accidentally treated to porn. Instead of the feisty princess of the PG-rated Disney feature, the audience saw two minutes of explicit scenes including oral sex. The projectionist apparently mixed up a fill-in cartoon with the red-band trailer for Lars Von Trier's upcoming film Nymphomaniac, featuring Shia LaBeouf having sex on screen. This mistake happened when the theatre was experiencing some technical difficulties that delayed the start of Frozen, so they temporarily played another cartoon. "They put in the filler, it looked like Steamboat Willie, the old Mickey Mouse cartoon, and then all of a sudden it goes into this other scene," Lynn Greene who was there with grandchildren said. Although the cinema said the clip played for less than two minutes, Greene said it seemed to last much longer. "It seemed like forever when you're trying to, you know, cover a little guy's eyes," she said. "I didn't have enough hands to cover his ears too and he got the sound down real good." Seriously, this is not what people should expect from their local cinema. But at least the theatre tried to do the decent thing, and offered free movie tickets to those in the audience. Maybe they can go back for some fun movies like The Loin King, The Privates in the Caribbean, or Moby's Dick.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Police shootings

One has happened in Iceland, where police shot dead a man who was firing a shotgun in his apartment in the early hours of yesterday morning (local time). It is the first time someone has been killed in an armed police operation in Iceland. Tear gas canisters were fired through the windows in an attempt to subdue the 59-year-old, who lived in the east of the capital, Reykjavik. When this failed he was shot after firing at police entering the building. Between 15 and 20 officers took part, with back-up provided by special forces. The tear gas was used when the man, who has not been named, failed to respond to police attempts to contact him and continued shooting. When they entered the apartment, two members of the special forces were injured by shotgun fire - one in the face, the other in the hand. This is unusual coming from a country like Iceland, and so is this: when it comes to luxury hotel rooms, down is becoming the new up. Instead of penthouse suites, the most exclusive accommodation in the house may soon be at the very bottom, six metres or more beneath the surface of the sea. The idea of sleeping with the fish some distance beneath the waves may sound dangerous but the technology needed to build underwater rooms is well-established and proven. So says Robert Bursiewicz, a project manager at Deep Ocean Technology, a Polish company that is planning an underwater hotel called Water Discus. It can be towed to a suitable location and placed on supports on the sea bed. It is made up of an underwater disc containing 22 bedrooms with sea views, connected by lift and stairs to a similar disc above the surface containing other hotel facilities. "Nowadays it is possible to build submarines which go deeper than 500m (1,640ft) below the sea surface, so building an underwater hotel is not a problem," Mr Bursiewicz says. Now, that technology is being used in a new way. In fact, it should be far less of a technical challenge to build an underwater hotel than a submarine, because hotels are unlikely to be placed more than 15 metres below the surface. That is because the water acts like a filter for sunlight, and below that depth, most colours apart from blue are washed out. And that means rooms need to be in relatively shallow water for the most spectacular and colourful views of marine life. Also, there is the chance that somebody might break a window at the bottom and flood the whole hotel. So don't risk it.

New manager drawn again

Manchester United came from behind twice this morning to secure a point in a fluctuating encounter with Tottenham at White Hart Lane. Wayne Rooney grabbed both goals, the first after Kyle Walker had opened the scoring with a free kick on 18 minutes, the second cancelling out Sandro’s long-range strike. The result, with the addition of four yellow cards, changed little in terms of United jostling with a clutch of other sides in the Barclays Premier League table. However, upcoming home dates with Everton and Newcastle will give David Moyes’ men a chance to build on this platform.

Fast and Furious actor dies in fast and furious way

US actor Paul Walker, who starred in the Fast & Furious series of action films, has been killed in a car crash in California. A statement on his Facebook page said 40-year-old Walker had been a passenger in a friend's car which crashed north of Los Angeles. He was said to be attending a charity event at the time. He starred in The Fast and The Furious in 2001 and featured in the sixth film in the franchise which opened in May. Walker also starred in the suspense drama Hours, a movie that is set for release in the US this month. Walker will be sadly missed, but enough about that because we have another tragedy tonight: New Zealand's reign as rugby league world champions has ended in utter misery and embarrassment as they were smashed 34-2 by Australia in the World Cup final this morning. After causing a massive upset in the final five years ago in Brisbane, the Kiwis couldn't repeat that feat at Old Trafford and were taken to pieces in a devastatingly one-sided contest. The Kangaroos were clinical in everything they did and found it all too easy to beat a Kiwis team that never got into the game.

Fourth kid off the roll

The co-Bellends of the Month for November 2013 are Logan Beaschler, Colin Warren, Joseph Bomgardner, and a fourth student at a California university who has been suspended for being involved in alleged racially motivated abuse of a black student, an occurrence that has led to student protests on campus. The suspension of the fourth student, which followed suspensions and misdemeanor hate crime charges against the three named students, was disclosed by San Jose State University President Mohammed Qayoumi in a statement last Friday. Qayoumi did not identify the fourth student or say whether he might also face charges. The victim in the incident that led to student protests at the campus in Northern California has also not been named. The students are accused of using racist terms to refer to the victim, displayed Nazi symbols and a Confederate flag in their suite, and once tried to put a U-shaped bicycle lock around the victim's neck, causing him minor injuries when he fought back. This is not the right way to act around people of colour. That behaviour seriously needs to be dealt with in the strictest manner possible, and the president did the right thing in suspending the students who pulled that crap. This is seriously not on.

Who let their names out?

Peaches Geldof is facing a police investigation after naming the mothers who allegedly offered their babies to Lostprophets pedophile rocker Ian Watkins. The daughter of Boomtown Rats singer Bob Geldof reportedly tweeted out the names of two crazed groupies who allegedly agreed to let singer Ian Watkins abuse their own children. Watkins has pleaded guilty to 13 counts of child sexual assault — including two counts of attempting to rape a baby. The accused mothers, whom the courts have named ‘Woman A’ and ‘Woman B’, are co-defendants with Watkins, who maintains that he didn’t successfully rape an 11-month-old, but admitted to two counts of attempted rape. He is also accused of feeling up a 1-year-old, possessing and creating child porn, and plotting to rape a baby. He even allegedly urged a groupie to abuse her own child on Skype. All three face a total of 32 charges, but that's nothing compared to Maria Kang, the mother of three who created a firestorm when she posted a photo challenging other moms to be as trim as her. Apparently, she's at it again - she was banned from Facebook after posting a tirade against plus-size women who pose in lingerie to promote body confidence. Kang has shot into the spotlight once more by writing she was "annoyed" by "news stories about how overweight, nearly obese women should be proud of their bodies," according to California TV station News10. The 32-year-old — last month dubbed a "fat shamer" for uploading a snap of her toned body and kids with a "What's your excuse?" caption — said Curvy Girl Lingerie's selfie photo campaign "normalizes being unhealthy." "We need to change this strange mentality we are breeding in the U.S. and start celebrating people who are a result of hard work, dedication, and discipline," she wrote, adding "I'm not bashing those who are proud and overweight, I am empowering those who are proud and healthy to come out and be the real role models in our society." She's wondering what our "excuse" is, but we all want to know what hers is for posting that rubbish. A person's a person, no matter how fat.

Against the grain

What we're dealing with here is a school lunch made up of leftover roast beef, potatoes, carrots, oranges, and milk. It's a healthier option than most, but it was deemed “unbalanced” by a Canadian school, and so the school supplemented two siblings’ lunches with Ritz crackers to “balance” it. And it just gets better - their Lunch Nazis had the nerve to charge the parents a C$5 (NZ$5.80) fine (ticket pictured) for each lunch they “corrected.” This happened at a school in Manitoba, where the provincial government’s Early Learning and Child Care Department follows a policy that lunches must meet its Food Guide standards, and schools apparently are to correct any lunches that parents failed at sending with the proper elements, as determined by the Food Guide and the teachers inspecting the lunches, and the parents will be charged a fine for each item missing. In this instance, the parent, Kristen Bartkiw, apparently failed to include a grain in her two children’s lunches, requiring the supplementation with the Ritz crackers when a much better option would've been to make the roast beef into sandwiches (preferably on wholegrain bread). I'm sure the school meant well, but one must remember that Bartkiw sent a wonderfully wholesome lunch. The school shouldn't then add junky snack food and call it balanced. Had she sent along lunches consisting of microwave Kraft Dinner and a hot dog, a package of fruit twists, a Cheestring, and a juice box, that lunch would technically be within the guidelines. The moral of this story is that the Manitoba government should have registered dietitians on staff working on an ongoing basis with all community-based organizations that serve food, including daycares.

Lostprophet becomes a Lostcause

Ian Watkins, singer of Welsh rock band Lostprophets, has pleaded guilty to a series of "depraved" child sex offences including attempted rape of a baby. He had previously "furiously denied" the allegations. The 36-year-old from Pontypridd and two women had been due to stand trial at Cardiff Crown Court. Watkins pleaded guilty to attempted rape and sexual assault of a child under 13 but not guilty to rape. This was accepted by the prosecution. Sentencing will take place on 18 December, and it would most likely serve him right. Anyone who does that to kids should get what's coming to them - a human booster shot administered in the prison showers as soon as the soap is dropped. Speaking of soap, children are, according to The New Zealand Herald, becoming sick at one of the country’s most modern new schools, because for three years the board banned soap and hand towels, fearing that they harmed the environment. The school, which has Greenstar accreditation for environmentally friendly design, has a healthy attendance rate of 93.4 per cent with no unusual illnesses. But some parents say their children are suffering due to the school founders’ green philosophy and have complained to the board about their children’s repeated bouts of illness. Seriously, people, a ban on students learning would've made more sense than banning soap.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Stoning

Afghan government officials have proposed reintroducing public stoning as a punishment for adultery, Human Rights Watch said, even though the practice has been denounced both inside and outside the country as one of the most repugnant symbols of the Taliban regime. The sentence for married adulterers, along with flogging for unmarried offenders, appears in a draft revision of the country's penal code being managed by the ministry of justice. News that the government is contemplating bringing back a much-reviled punishment is unlikely to go down well with western governments that back Kabul, and I can see why: this is the latest sign that human rights won at great cost since the Taliban were ousted in 2001 are rolling back as foreign troops withdraw. Billions have been invested on promoting human rights in Afghanistan over more than 12 years of war and donors fear that hard won progress, particularly for women, may be eroding. During the Taliban's 1996-2001 time in power, convicted adulterers were routinely shot or stoned in executions held mostly on Fridays. Women were not permitted to go out on their own, girls were barred from schools, and men were obliged to grow long beards. This is why foreign troops should stay indefinitely.

In for a point

A last-minute equaliser from substitute Kim Bo-Kyung snatched a draw for Cardiff City this morning at Cardiff City Stadium and dealt Manchester United a frustrating setback in the Barclays Premier League title race. First-half goals from Wayne Rooney and Patrice Evra came either side of Fraizer Campbell's equaliser for the hosts, who tested the champions throughout but rarely threatened goalkeeper David De Gea prior to Kim's late leveller. I think the real problem here is that shorn of several key players through injury, including top scorer Robin van Persie, manager David Moyes made five changes to the side which overcame Arsenal prior to the recent international hiatus, and that sizeable reshuffle contributed to a disjointed first half display from the champions in a game which saw four players receive yellow cards.

306-year-old union still has 28 months left in it

Scotland could be independent on 24 March, 2016, if voters back leaving the UK in the independence referendum next year, the Deputy First Minister has announced. The date is included in the Scottish government's White Paper, described as a "blueprint" for independence. Nicola Sturgeon said it was a "landmark document" which has economic growth, jobs, and fairness at its heart. "This guide to an independent Scotland will be the most comprehensive and detailed blueprint of its kind ever published, not just for Scotland but for any prospective independent country," she said. "It is a landmark document which sets out the economic, social, and democratic case for independence. It demonstrates Scotland's financial strengths and details how we will become independent - the negotiations, preparations, and agreements that will be required in the transition period from a vote for independence in September next year to our proposed Independence Day of 24 March 2016 and in time for the first elections to an independent Scottish Parliament in May of that year." But enough about that because plans for a 1km inflatable solar chimney have been outlined by a leading balloon specialist. Per Lindstrand, who crossed the Pacific in a balloon with Sir Richard Branson in 1991, said the technology could offer more efficient green power generation in remote areas. It could help in areas with high seismic activity, where maintenance of solid structures is difficult. But what would really help is if this novel power generator became widespread enough to put Big Oil out of business, and then we would have cheaper, cleaner power where it is needed.

8th generation gets seven-digit sales on two consoles

Microsoft says that more than 1 million Xbox One consoles have been sold worldwide since their midnight launch. The company says that surpasses first-day sales of the Xbox 360, the previous-generation model that went on sale eight years ago. The new console was launched in 13 markets. The software giant said yesterday that it sold had out at most retailers and that it is working to replenish stocks. It added that in the first day of game play, fans killed over 60 million zombies in "Dead Rising 3" and drove more than 3.6 million miles on "Forza Motorsport 5." The sales figure matches that of Sony, which said last week that more than 1 million PlayStation 4 consoles had been sold in the 24 hours since its release. So what? It's not like there will ever be a winner in the console wars. The PS4 has its scene, Xbox One have theirs. But enough about that because Shakil Afridi, the hero Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA pinpoint bin Laden's compound ahead of the Navy SEAL raid that killed the Al Qaeda leader, has been charged with murder - for trying to save a little boy stricken with appendicitis six years ago, according to his attorney. The bizarre charge comes as international pressure mounts on Pakistan to free Afridi, who was sentenced last year to 33 years in prison for "conspiring against the state," a sanction western observers believe was a pretext to punish him for helping the U.S. Afridi executed a vaccination ruse that helped establish bin Laden's presence in an Abbottabad compound, a development seen as embarrassing for Pakistan, which claimed not to know the world's most wanted man was living openly a stone's throw away from a military complex.

Going nuts about nuts

People who regularly eat nuts appear to live longer, according to the largest study of its kind. And no, I do not mean testicles. I mean a fruit composed of a hard shell and a seed, where the hard-shelled fruit does not open to release the seed. But back to the study, the findings of which were published in the New England Journal of Medicine. It suggested the greatest benefit was in those munching on a daily portion. The American-based team said nut eaters were likely to also have healthy lifestyles, but the nuts themselves were also contributing to their longer lifespan. The study followed nearly 120,000 people for 30 years. The more regularly people consumed nuts, the less likely they were to die during the study. However, the British Heart Foundation said more research was needed to prove the link. Be that the case or be that not the case, the fact remains that nuts are good for you. Nuts, if you're reading this, don't ever change.

Brown to run it back to rehab

Chris Brown is heading back to rehab for a court-ordered 90-day stay. The singer, who checked out of a rehab facility in Malibu last week after just 13 days, has been ordered back to rehab for the next three months by a Los Angeles judge after it was revealed that he was actually kicked out of the previous clinic for throwing a rock through his mother's windshield while she was visiting. Brown's mother urged him to remain in the care of the rehab center for an extended stay, but he didn't take her advice too well. Brown faced L.A. Superior Court Judge James Brandlin yesterday, and at the recommendation of the probation department, Brandlin ordered him to spend 90 days in a court-approved, live-in anger management program. I feel this could be a good thing for him. Also good is this: safer condoms will be one of the first products developed at the new National Graphene Institute in Manchester. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has awarded scientists US$100000 to create stronger, thinner condoms from the new "wonder material". I'm sure it will be a long time before one of those condoms breaks during coitus. But alas, even graphene has a breaking point, for it is not Chuck Norris. For those who like it dry, however, the lotus leaf was thought to be the gold standard for staying dry in nature, but now a team from MIT in Boston say they have surpassed it with what is the "most waterproof material ever". This material is inspired by nasturtium leaves and butterfly wings. The new "super-hydrophobic" surface could keep clothes dry and stop aircraft engines icing over. By adding tiny ridges to a silicon surface, water will bounce off it 40% faster than the previous "limit". Similar ridges are found in nature on the wings of the Morpho butterfly and the veins of nasturtium leaves.

Pastor up against hate group

A Pennyslvania Methodist minister convicted by a jury of his ecclesiastical peers of breaking church law for presiding over his son's wedding to a man is refusing to repent. "I did not want to make this a protest about the doctrine of the church. I wasn't trying to be an advocate," The Rev. Frank Schaefer, a father of four, testified yesterday in a hearing to determine his punishment. "I just wanted this to be a beautiful family affair, and it was that." Rev. Schaefer took a visible and increasingly clear stand over the course of yesterday's proceedings, wearing a rainbow-colored stole on the witness stand. He declined the church prosecution's offer to "repent of and renounce his disobedience to the Methodist Book of Discipline," the Associated Press reported, and refused to promise that he wouldn't officiate at more same-sex unions. Later in the day, his tone became more defiant. The church "needs to stop judging people based on their sexual orientation. We have to stop the hate speech. We have to stop treating them as second-class Christians," he said. "I will never be silent again." OK so he broke church law. But it was the right thing to do. Gays are people too, and if they want to get married, we should let them even though the Bible says otherwise. Let's just hope another pastor has the courage to stand up for Schaefer and what he believes in.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Banishing the blind man

Usually airline passengers side with flight attendants when it comes to safety, but in the case of a US Airways flight last Wednesday, passengers rallied around a blind man and his guide dog and disembarked en masse. All 35 passengers on US Airways Flight 4384 walked off the plane after Albert Rizzi, a blind man from Long Island, and his dog, Doxy, were escorted off the flight after a heated exchange between Rizzi and a flight attendant about where his dog was placed, according to Rizzi. Although he was first to arrive on the tarmac for the flight from Philadelphia International Airport to MacArthur Airport on Long Island, Rizzi said he and his dog were the last to be seated on the small plane. He was seated in the middle of the back row looking onto the aisle with no seat in front of him for Doxy to lay under. Shortly after boarding, Rizzi said a flight attendant told him the dog would need to go under a seat for safety reasons. Several passengers in Rizzi's row offered to have the dog lay under their seats, and he was placed under the seat of the woman to his left, according to Rizzi. The plane was then delayed nearly two hours. While the plane was sitting on the runway, Doxy got up to reposition himself a few times, ending up under Rizzi's seat against the back of the plane, Rizzi said. The flight attendant asked Rizzi to control his dog and keep him underneath his neighbor's seat, according to Rizzi. After a heated exchange between Rizzi and the flight attendant, the pilot announced the plane would be returning to the gate. Rizzi and his dog were then escorted off the plane by airport security. That is not cool. Eyes or no eyes, you can't just kick somebody off the plane because of the behaviour of their little friend. And everybody on board saw it that way. After Rizzi and Doxy were removed from the plane, passengers demanded that the flight attendant be removed from the plane and Rizzi let back on, said fellow passenger Kurt Budke. He said that all 35 passengers banded together in support of Rizzi, and after realizing the passengers would not budge, the pilot announced the flight was canceled. I feel that if the flight attendant had tried to make alternate accommodations for Rizzi, the whole situation could have been avoided completely.

Paper retracts 150-year-old insult

In what might be one of the oldest corrections in the history of journalism, the editorial board of a Pennsylvania newspaper has retracted its predecessor's famous panning of President Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address as "silly remarks." "Seven score and ten years ago, the forefathers of this media institution brought forth to its audience a judgment so flawed, so tainted by hubris, so lacking in the perspective history would bring, that it cannot remain unaddressed in our archives," the editors of The Patriot-News wrote last Thursday, evoking the opening words and style of Lincoln's most famous speech. Back then, the editors of the Patriot & Union newspaper - an ancestor of today's Harrisburg paper - thought so little of Lincoln's "silly remarks" that they hoped "the veil of oblivion shall be dropped over them, and that they shall be no more reposted or thought of." Fair enough. The problem is, history didn't cooperate. And neither is Senate candidate Liz Cheney on the issue of gay marriage. She has touched off a family feud by speaking out against gay marriage — even though her sister Mary is married to a woman. Cheney, the daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney, believes marriage should be reserved for heterosexual couples only, despite the fact that her sister Mary married a Heather Poe in 2012. Gays are people too, and if they want to get married, we shouldn't deny them that right simply because the couple both have the same genitalia. I'm sure her remarks, or anybody's remarks for that matter, against gay marriage would've been much better received in Texas.

Homosapien won't tip the homosexual

A waitress in New Jersey who previously served in the Marines received an offensive note from a family who denied her a tip because of her "gay lifestyle." Now, she is speaking out against those very people whose freedom she once defended. Dayna Morales, a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in the township of Bridgewater, wrote an email to gay-friendly blog "Have A Gay Day" about her recent experience with homophobia while serving a family of diners. When Morales introduced herself to the couple and their two children, the mother was allegedly shocked by Morales' short hair. "Oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan," she allegedly said. "You sure surprised us!" At the end of the meal, Morales was left with no tip on the $93.55 bill (pictured). Instead, she found a note on the receipt, reading: "I'm sorry but I cannot tip because I don't agree with your lifestyle & how you live your life." Seriously, people, this is not nice. Not tipping is one thing, but that homophobic comment was just rude. If that family doesn't like homosexuality, they should move to Texas instead of being such a jerk to the people that saved their butts in places like Iraq and Afghanistan.

Breast is not best for judge

What if you or someone you love was forced to stop breastfeeding so that the child’s dad can have visitation? That’s what happened to Jessica Moser. A judge told her to stop breastfeeding her ten-month-old daughter in order for the baby to spend overnights with dad. In an interview with a local TV station Moser expressed her frustration that she was ordered to stop nursing or risk losing custody of her daughter. “I’m feeling frustrated, hurt,” Moser said. “I’m trying to keep myself from crying, it’s very emotional.” She also added that her daughter, Jasmine, refuses the bottle which leaves breastfeeding as the only other option. This is not cool. What if that baby was my niece (pictured)? My advice to Moser would be to keep breastfeeding anyway despite such a stupid court order. The baby should not be punished for the father's and the judge's flawed decision making. Now there is no question that Jasmine’s father should have visitation rights. However when it comes to breastfeeding, there should be no debating the issue. Even though she is old enough to consume solid foods, breast milk is still the best form of nutrition for any child her age. I'm sure one late-night cry fest with Daddy will be all that it takes for him to change his tune.

Tickets cancelled over confusing signs

More than 5,000 parking tickets will be refunded after "confusing" signs led motorists to park in bays meant for taxis, Westminster City Council said. The refunds, worth about £278,000, are for tickets incurred on dual-use bays along Oxendon Street, Jermyn Street, and Conduit Street. The signs put up in 2011 say charges apply between 8:30am and 6:30pm, but do not state that the dual-use bays become dedicated taxi ranks after 6:30. The signs have since been updated, and for good reason because dual-use bays are all about maximising the space at the kerbside in the city to enable fair and easy parking for everyone. However, the parking signs in the affected streets could have given rise to confusion among motorists, so it's only right that any tickets written for parking on the affected streets be reversed.

Mayor still clinging on

The embattled mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, has admitted that he has bought illegal drugs in the past two years. The BBC reports that his televised admission came during a heated council meeting in Canada's largest city, at which he was asked to step aside. In recent weeks, Mr Ford has admitted to smoking crack cocaine while in office and to struggling with drink. In a vote of 41-2, the council in Canada's largest city requested he take leave. The request was symbolic, as the council has no authority to remove him. Mr Ford has vowed to stay and to run for re-election in October 2014. I wish him luck with that, because it is highly unlikely the public will want him back in. But enough about that because the All Whites have a near-impossible mountain to climb to qualify for a second straight football World Cup next year in Brazil, after losing 5-1 to Mexico in their qualifying playoff first leg. They must now score at least four goals in the return leg in Wellington and hope the Mexicans don't score if they're to have any chance of qualifying for the finals next year. As well as the scoreline, the New Zealanders will be without three players next week in Wellington after striker Chris Wood, the veteran Ivan Vicelich, and fellow defender Leo Bertos were all yellow carded. That means the trio will have to sit out next Wednesday's match at Westpac Stadium, as their second yellows in World Cup qualifying mean an automatic one-match suspension.

We'll never be royals (royals)

But two teenage girls from New Zealand have become the next best thing (and NOT in terms of their developing bosoms): singer-songwriter Lorde (real name Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O'Connor) and Korean-born professional golf player Lydia Ko are being hailed as two of the most influential teenagers in the world by Time magazine. But that is where the good news for tonight stops because Bangladeshi police fired water cannon and rubber bullets to break up a protest by garment workers demanding a higher minimum wage, forcing the closure of more than 100 factories. The country's official wage board proposed a 77% rise in the minimum wage for garment workers last week. Factory owners said they could not afford the proposed increase, and that's because they're wasting company profits on their greedy jet-setting lifestyles. Maybe if they stopped trying to give themselves gout with their daily dinners of lobster and filet mignon with a side of caviar and the most expensive champagne known to man and started paying the workers more, this wouldn't be happening.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Drugs

Two 12-year-old boys are being praised for calling to mind the advice of Harold the Giraffe when they were offered drugs from strangers on their way to school. The Whangarei Intermediate School Year 7 students were approached by two strangers in their late teens and offered drugs on Friday morning. The boys said no and went straight to the school office to tell a teacher. One of the boys told his mother Harold the Giraffe, a puppet used as a learning tool with the Life Education Trust, had visited Whangarei Intermediate School and taught them how to say no to drugs. That was the responsible and mature thing to do. Those two did exactly what they should have done when confronted with those bellends, and it is clear from their actions that they understand right from wrong.

Reds bouncing back in earnest

Robin van Persie's superb header accounted for Barclays Premier League leaders Arsenal and catapulted Manchester United into the top five and firmly into the title race this morning on a tense afternoon (British Summer Time) at Old Trafford. In a game of few chances and five yellow cards, the Dutchman's first-half header from a Wayne Rooney corner made the tangible difference between champions and pace-setters, but the foundations for success were built on a magnificently dogged defensive display from David Moyes' men. I feel Moyes is finally starting to prove himself in his capacity as team manager, but they still need at least two wins to close the gap to the top, and they would still need to keep it up until the last game of the season so that Manchester City doesn't come in from behind and take the title.

Life's a printed gun

A Texas company says it has made the first metal gun using a 3D printer, taking the debate over people's emerging ability to create their own firearms to a new level. Solid Concepts, a specialty manufacturing company, said in a blog post it has fired more than 50 rounds from the handgun, even hitting a few bull's-eyes at more than 25 metres. The pistol is a version of an M1911, a handgun designed by John Browning and first used widely in the latter stages of combat stemming from the Philippine-American War. It's built from 33 mostly stainless-steel parts and has a carbon-fibre handgrip carved with a laser. I can see why they'd want to try making their own gun, considering that the company is based in a redneck state, but the company has gone out of its way to point out that producing the metal gun isn't meant to advance a trend that worries law enforcement and some politicians. As 3D printers become more widespread and affordable, some envision a near future in which criminals can crank out untraceable weapons without having to leave their homes, and one day, some bellend would be able to bring one of those into my sister's home and shoot my niece (pictured) at point-blank range. I have a message to anyone who is thinking right now of doing just that: IF YOU SHOOT HAZEL, YOU'LL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH.

Star Wars movie to come to life on Life Day

Lucasfilm has announced the new date for the debut of the next Star Wars trilogy, and despite some script rewriting that is currently underway, the movie will not be pushed to later in 2016. In terms of the release date, the seventh movie is going to boldly go where no Star Wars movie has gone before - fans can expect to revisit the galaxy far, far away on Dec. 18, 2015. The December release date will make it the first Star Wars film to open around the Christmas holiday — or “Life Day” as it’s known among the Wookiees. The previous films have all premiered in May, with three-year intervals between each instalment. But here's something you won't have to wait two years for: Butterbeer, the beloved drink that Harry, Ron, Hermione, and so many others down regularly throughout the Harry Potter books, is coming to Starbucks, per a note at Dalebacar.com. "Harry Potter can’t be real", your friends may explain to you every holiday season, "you can’t even order Butterbeer at restaurants not named The Three Broomsticks." Well, this week Starbucks proved if you wish for something long enough, it’ll come true and then your friends can’t make fun of you anymore. Butterbeer won’t be advertised on the menu though; instead you will have to use a secret password (sound familiar?) to access the frothy beverage. The password being this here recipe: a Creme Frappuccino base (blue milk is required for the right consistency), 3 pumps each of caramel and toffee nut syrups, and top with caramel drizzle.

Torch in Space

A three-man crew successfully blasted off into space with the Olympic torch yesterday, ready to take it on its first space walk in what they said would be a spectacular showcase for the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi. Japan's Koichi Wakata pumped the air with his fist as the Soyuz rocket, painted with snowflake patterns, took off on a crisp morning, an onboard camera showed. The crew sat beneath a stuffed polar bear wrapped in a blue scarf. The space flight is part of what will be the longest torch relay before a Winter Olympics, which President Vladimir Putin hopes will boost Russia's image and show what it can achieve, more than two decades after the Soviet Union collapsed. One should remember that Putin has a long way to go before he can become the best leader he can be. So far, the only good thing post-Soviet Russia has achieved under Putin is granting Edward Snowden asylum (that's right, even America has its downsides). Putin could score some more cool points as a leader by admitting and correcting his recent mistakes, and he can start by repealing that stupid gay propaganda law, letting Americans adopt Russian kids again, and freeing Pussy Riot. In other news, Marvel Comics have introduced a gladly welcomed dash of diversity into their ranks by relaunching the character Ms. Marvel as a 16-year-old girl of Pakistani-American heritage. The comic will centre on 16-year-old Kamela Khan, a Muslim schoolgirl living in New Jersey who is coming to terms with teenage angst, strict traditionalist parents, and her newly discovered super powers. So to sum it up, Kamela Khan will assume the identity of Ms Marvel when she faces up to criminals in the latest comic series, which is due out early next year.

Web inventor leading the charge on spies

The British computer scientist who created the world wide web has said encryption cracking by UK and US spy agencies is "appalling and foolish". Sir Tim Berners-Lee told the Guardian that the practice undermined efforts to fight cybercrime and cyberwarfare. He called for a "full and frank public debate" on internet surveillance. It comes as a parliamentary committee is due to quiz the heads of the UK's spying agencies - GCHQ, MI5, and MI6 - together in public for the first time. Also happening for the first time, Twitter is about to trade some of its stock on the New York Stock Exchange. Twitter shares have been priced at US$26 each, ahead of its impending debut on the NYSE. That is above the $23 to $25 range announced on Monday and values the short messaging service at more than US$18bn. That makes it the biggest market debut for a technology firm since Facebook went public last year. But seriously, nobody cares. The bubble will burst one day, and then whatever stock you bought will become worthless, just like bullying. Speaking of which, it is claimed that concerns about a "bullying culture" at a hospital now under police investigation were raised more than a year ago. The Care Quality Commission (CQC) has found "inaccuracies" in the cancer waiting time data at Colchester Hospital. The Royal College of Nursing says the hospital dismissed its concerns raised more than a year ago as "fantasy". The hospital said an investigation carried out by its own management in February 2012 was "not adequate". Staff told inspectors they were "pressured or bullied" to change data relating to patients and their treatment to make it seem people were being treated in line with national guidelines, the CQC said. The inspector said patients' lives may have been put at risk. Essex Police has been sent information by the CQC and is currently investigating whether there are grounds for a formal criminal investigation. They should also get Chuck Norris to deal with it. Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia and fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, but fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Burka man on the run

A taskforce has been assembled to try to locate and catch Mohammed Ahmed Mohamed (pictured), a terror suspect who escaped from his government minders by disguising himself in a burka. Mohamed, who was subject to an order restricting his movements, left a London mosque on Friday with his face and body covered. The Met Police's Counter Terrorism Command, MI5, and the UK Border Agency are now joining forces to find him. Mr Mohamed is believed to have close links to al-Shabab, the Somali insurgent group that raided Nairobi's Westgate shopping mall in September, resulting in 67 deaths, but officials say there was not enough evidence to bring a criminal case against him in court. It is not known at this point in time where he could be headed next, but while UK Border Agency officers at Britain's ports and airports look out for the suspect, MI5 are working closely with the police to try to second-guess where he would be likely to go. One possibility is that he could lie low and stay in Britain. Investigators are considering the probability that he will make contact with elements of the criminal underworld, although he may be wary of exploiting existing links. But if Mr Mohamed wants to stay out of custody he will need a new, forged identity, but he still risks being recognised and having his whereabouts phoned in to the police by the public. Another possibility is that he could go to Kenya where there is a well-established secret pipeline used by al-Shabab associates to pass through the country on their way from Europe and the US to Somalia. The Kenyan authorities may be able to apprehend him, but plenty of jihadist volunteers have used the porous Kenya-Somali border to slip through the net and join al-Shabab. A third potential option under consideration is that Mr Mohamed could flee to Europe. If he can assume a new identity then he may be able to assimilate himself into the Somali diaspora in a European country with a sizeable community, such as Norway. But most Somalis do not want to be associated with al-Shabab, and with his picture so widely circulated, he could be easily recognised. So it's pretty much over for him unless he heads to a foreign embassy, comes up with a good sob story, and applies for asylum.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Not going for the chocolate chips

And no, I don't mean black California Highway Patrol officers. I mean this: Lay's is to launch a chocolate-covered potato chip for the holiday season. In news that is likely to divide snackers, the Wavy chips dipped in milk chocolate are in Target stores across America for a limited time, according to USA Today. The paper reports that the snacks will cost US$3.49 per 5oz bag, and if they prove popular, could be made a permanent addition to the Lay's product line. Lay's chocolate potato chips is the latest unlikely product to combine sweet and salty flavours, a growing trend in the multi-billion-dollar snack market that food manufacturers are keen to cash in on. We already have flavour combinations like maple-bacon and salted caramel on the market, but for Lay's, the chocolate chips is its first foray into sweet-salty territory. If something like this was being sold in New Zealand, then I would definitely consider trying this product, which could prove to be a hit. And speaking of hits, a fan of a US baseball team is suing the club after allegedly being hit by a hot dog thrown by its mascot. She claims she had to have an operation to repair a damaged retina after being hit in the eye by the snack at a Kansas City Royals game, and a second operation to remove a cataract which developed later on. The alleged incident, in September 2009, is claimed by the supporter to have involved the club's lion mascot, who is accused of hurling a foil-wrapped hot dog into the stands which struck the 53-year-old claimant. The case could lead to changes in the way mascots interact with fans.

Here's five ounces for each of you

A collection of 1,500 artworks confiscated by the Nazis in the 1930s and 1940s has been found in the German city of Munich. The trove is believed to include works by Matisse, Picasso, and Chagall. Some of the works were declared as degenerate by the Nazis, while others were stolen from, or forcibly sold for a pittance by, Jewish art collectors. If confirmed, it would be one of the largest recoveries of looted art. Investigators put the value of the works at about one billion euros. But enough about that because there has been an even more valuable find: new research suggests that athletes who use steroids for a short period can benefit for their entire careers. Experiments with mice showed that a brief exposure to testosterone allowed the mice to rapidly regain muscle later in their lives. The scientist behind the study says that if a similar effect can be shown in humans, it should lead to a lifetime ban for dopers. And speaking of dope, Bernie Goetz, the controversial 'Subway Vigilante' who shot four teenagers on the New York subway in 1984, has been charged with misdemeanor sale and possession of marijuana after he was nabbed in a sting operation in Union Square park on Friday evening (Eastern Daylight Time) for selling US$30 worth of marijuana to an undercover officer. The 65-year-old, who became a public figure after he shot four black youths he claimed were going to mug him, was arraigned on Saturday in Manhattan Criminal Court on three misdemeanor drug charges for sale and possession of marijuana. He was released on his own recognizance and is due back in court next month.

Moyes finally bringing in the three-pointers

A scintillating first-half attacking display was enough this morning to seal a deserved 3-1 victory for Manchester United over Fulham at Craven Cottage. The hosts couldn't cope as the Reds romped into a 3-0 lead after 22 minutes with goals from Antonio Valencia, Robin van Persie, and Wayne Rooney. The only other goal was scored by Alexander Kacaniklic and three players were yellow-carded.

Golden Dawn trio not around for the real dawn

Two members of Greece's far-right Golden Dawn have been killed and a third wounded in a drive-by shooting outside the party's offices in an Athens suburb. The dead men, aged 22 and 27, were guarding the office. The attack comes weeks after several members of Golden Dawn, including the leader, were arrested on suspicion of forming a criminal organisation. The arrests followed the killing of an anti-fascist musician named Pavlos Fyssas, whose stage name was Killah P. His death sparked protests in Athens and across Greece. Considering Golden Dawn's agenda, I'm sure whoever shot at the party offices was doing the right thing. Fascism is an unnecessary nuisance which has absolutely no place in our society.

Oh how sweet tin it is!

A heart surgeon at a Swansea hospital has won an award for an invention that cost him 95p to create. Morriston hospital doctor Abdullrazak Hossien made his surgery training simulator out of a sweet tin. He said: "Thomas Edison said that to invent you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. I designed a portable trainer, which you can keep in your pocket. You can practise on the train, on an aeroplane, at home, wherever you are. I developed it from a sweet tin that can be fixed to a table, and created an aorta using synthetic material. It cost me around 95p. I accompanied this simulator with a multimedia DVD [with] guidelines that trainees can apply to any procedure on the aortic root. They can progress from the simplest procedure to the most complex as they develop." The portable device can be used anywhere and is now being manufactured for use around the world. One person who won't be around to see the good that such a device can do is Jeff Hall, a neo-Nazi who was killed in 2011 by his son. The Californian boy, who was 10 years old when he shot Hall, has been sentenced to between seven and 10 years in juvie. The unnamed boy, now 13, will be eligible for parole when he is 20. During his trial, lawyers argued he had killed his father to stop him separating from the boy's stepmother. Defence lawyers for the boy say he grew up in an abusive environment, and had emotional and learning disabilities. He told police he was afraid he would have to decide between living with his father or stepmother after their divorce.

Twerks a million

The Bellend of the Month for October 2013 is Valerie Dixon. The 27-year-old from Florida was accused of “dancing in a vulgar manner” in front of children, but instead of being asked to host Saturday Night Live, she was arrested. A Lake County deputy spotted Dixon bent over at the waist and screaming profanities at a school bus full of children. The Orlando Sentinel reported that the children on the school bus were watching as Dixon twerked and allegedly grasped her genital area before the officer stepped in to stop the show. Dixon, who had no previous criminal charges, was charged with disorderly conduct and booked into the Lake County Jail. It serves her right. You need to think of the children before you start dancing like Miley Cyrus. If Dixon had picked a less vulgar dance, for example Gangnam Style, she wouldn't be facing charges of disorderly conduct.

Torn in the sack

The cruelty one woman allegedly showed to her own son is enough to be its own Halloween horror tale. Authorities have charged Jennifer Marie Vargas, a civilian living on a military base in San Antonio, with assault after she allegedly attempted to pull off her 6-year-old child’s genitals while angry at him, then tried to reattach them with superglue. According to a criminal affidavit filed with the FBI, Vargas admitted to agents that on September 27, after becoming angry at the boy, she grabbed his scrotum as hard as she could “thereby ripping his ‘sack’ and causing a laceration,” according to a criminal complaint filed in federal court. The document continued that she applied the superglue, chemically known as a cyanoacrylate adhesive and designed for binding solid services, then stuffed the boy’s underwear with paper towel and ordered him to bed. She sought no medical attention for him. That is not cool. People should not be doing things like that. Ripping open a kid's junk (unless it's Justin Bieber) is tantamount to assault and should be dealt with as severely as possible.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Blaming it on minorities

Chinese police are reportedly seeking two ethnic Uighur Muslims from the far west of the country in connection with the car fire which killed five people in front of Tiananmen Gate yesterday. The driver and two passengers burned to death when their car smashed through barriers and burst into flames in a suspected immolation in front of the famous portrait of Chairman Mao. Two tourists were killed and 38 others were injured when the vehicle struck them. Now police are reportedly contacting local hotels looking for others who might have been involved in this seemingly deliberate act. According to reports from hotel managers the names given by police appear to be those of ethnic Uighurs. But why blame it on a helpless minority? That may well be the work of a Chinese person or any other ethnicity. In fact, 9/11 may well be an inside job. You can't just go round blaming minorities for everything.

Phone's up all night to get blocky

A new mobile phone concept that would give users a chance to choose from a range of components, and replace or upgrade them when necessary, has generated enormous interest online. But could this sustainable, modular device ever become a reality? Six months ago, the Dutch designer Dave Hakkens took apart his favourite camera. "I noticed all these little parts," he says. "And everything was good except for the lens motor. That had broken." But when Hakkens contacted the manufacturer to get a replacement motor, he was advised to just replace the whole camera. "With your bike you repair the tyre, you don't throw the bike away," he says. "But for some reason this is what we do with electronics." Hakkens realised that if a device could be taken apart and upgraded more easily it would last much longer, minimising electrical waste. And so the idea of Phonebloks was born. The concept - Hakkens hasn't figured out how to actually make it - is for a phone with a replaceable screen and easily moveable, changeable "bloks", each containing a different element such as battery, chipset, gyroscope, or whatever - all of which vary in size and can be made to tessellate in any number of combinations. This has got to be one of the best ideas for a phone, especially when it can be customised to suit the individual. Let's say this is your phone and you do everything in the cloud - why not replace your storage blok with a bigger battery blok? Or if you love to take pictures, why not upgrade your camera? The possibilities are limited only by what components are available and how many can fit on your phone.

Moyes finally stoking the fires of success

Just as Manchester United looked set to suffer a shock home defeat to Stoke City this morning, the Barclays Premier League champions produced a stirring late comeback at to secure a memorable 3-2 victory over Mark Hughes' side. David Moyes admits he hopes that this sterling comeback against Stoke City is the first of many during his Manchester United reign. "I was going to say that I hope it was the first of many," he laughed. "Still, I’d rather have a late comeback than a defeat. I thought that we kept going, we tried everything today. We made mistakes and our goalkeeper kept us in the game at times today, but we kept knocking and that door trying to find a way through and eventually we did." Scoring-wise, first half goals from Peter Crouch and Marko Arnautovic bookended Robin van Persie's equaliser, and the visitors were on the brink of their first win at Old Trafford since 1976 until goals in the 78th and 80th minutes from Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez flipped the match on its head. Seven players received yellow cards during the game.

Guitar-breakers in hot water for delays

United Airlines was fined US$1.1 million by regulators for stranding passengers inside planes at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport (the same airport where baggage-handlers once broke a passenger's guitar while loading it onto a United flight bound for Nebraska), the largest penalty since rules took effect in 2010. Thirteen United planes with 939 passengers on board were delayed on the ground for more than the three-hour limit during thunderstorms that disrupted the second-busiest U.S. airport on July 13, 2012, the Department of Transportation said. At least two planes didn’t have working restrooms, according to a consent order issued yesterday. “It is unacceptable for passengers to be stranded in planes on the tarmac for hours on end,” Transportation Secretary Anthony Foxx said in a statement. Of course it is. Delays suck enough as it is. The airlines do not need to make it worse by keeping everyone on the plane just because of the thunderstorm. What if my niece (pictured in her cutest photo so far) had been kept on board one of the planes?

Free update already on the up and up

Apple’s latest update for operating system update for Mac is now on 5.5% of Mac computers and that number is increasing fast. Advertising network Chitika reports that Mavericks has been downloaded three times as fast as last year’s Mountain Lion update within the first 24 hours. The main reason for this success is that this year’s update is free. Apple initially charged Mac owners US$20 for Mountain Lion, and even more for previous versions. I haven't yet installed Mavericks, but if you have a Mac and you're on Mountain Lion or earlier, you should get in while the getting's good. And if your machine's running a crappy alternative like Windows or Linux, then get a Mac. It'll be worth it.

timefor://new.generic.tld

Four new generic top-level domains (the letters that appear at the end of web addresses, such as .com) have been announced. The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) is expected to roll out the new names within weeks. They are: شبكة (Arabic for "web"), 游戏 (Chinese for "game"), онлайн (Russian for "online"), and сайт (Russian for "website"). Icann hopes hundreds of new top-level domains will eventually be made. We already have country codes in various scripts, but this could be the first time non-Latin characters can be used in a generic TLD. But there could soon be some various new Latin-based generic TLD's coming our way. Firms have come forward to request almost 2,000 new names including the likes of .porn, .ninja, and .ferrari. The BBC expressed an interest in .bbc. Google made 101 requests, including .google and .youtube, and also had more unexpected ideas such as .and, .boo, .dad, and .new. It will take some time for Icann to process all of those requests, particularly in cases where more than one firm wants to own the same gTLD - such as .music, requested by both Amazon and Google. The most popular domain name was .app - with 13 different companies interested in it. But for now, one will just have to rely on the standards already in use, like .com, .org, .net, .biz, and others along those lines.

Cricket on the cross

The Vatican has launched its own official cricket club as part of efforts to encourage interfaith dialogue. The St Peter's Cricket Club is the brainchild of Australia's ambassador to the Holy See, John McCarthy. He described it as an example of "sporting diplomacy" which would present the opportunity to play the Hindus, Muslims, and Sikhs. The next stage is to select an official cricket team, which will sport the official colours of the tiny city-state - yellow and white. Their jackets will have the seal of the papacy - two crossed keys. Speaking of crossing keys, a couple who engaged in a sexual act in a Shrewsbury railway station lift are being sought. A man and woman were seen entering the lift, which connects the station's main subway to platforms four to seven, at about 7:25pm British Summer Time on 28 September. British Transport Police said that the pair were in the lift for more than 10 minutes, and during that short period of time, had performed an indecent act. And they can't deny the act in question because CCTV images of two people the cops want to speak to have been released. Speaking of releasing, for the first time in the US, a decommissioned prison is to be turned into a facility to help former inmates re-enter the community. And it's happening in the area of New York most in need of it - the Bronx. The facility will be run by the Osborne Association, a not-for-profit group with 80 years of experience working with both the imprisoned and those who have been released from jail. But enough about all that because we have something a lot better to discuss here - Apple has unveiled a top-of-the-range tablet called the iPad Air that is 20% thinner than the previous version. The 9.7in (24.6cm) computer is 7.5mm (0.3in) thick and weighs 1lb (469g), which the firm claims is the lightest full-sized tablet on the market. It is powered by the same A7 chip found in the company's iPhone 5S. Apple also announced a new version of its iPad Mini. Its 7.9in (20cm) screen has been upgraded to feature 2048 by 1536 pixels - the same as the larger model. It is being branded as "retina" to highlight the increased resolution. Amazon and Google have already announced small tablets - the Kindle Fire HDX and Nexus 7 - with similar high definition displays. But screw the Kindle Fire and the Nexus because Apple is where it's at for quality electronic devices - always has been, always will be. If you're after a new phone or tablet, remember this advice - if it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Standing by your manager

And by manager, I can only mean the eternally clueless and inept David Moyes. It's not easy taking over from one of the greatest managers in football history, but Moyes has been assured that one trophy in his debut season at Manchester United will be considered a success. So says his predecessor Alex Ferguson, a man who waited more than three years for his first silverware at Old Trafford before rewriting the record books. Ferguson, whose reign ended with a 13th Premier League crown last season, urged fans to be patient after a difficult start to this season's campaign. The level of patience required will be difficult if Manchester United end up in the bottom three and have to spend 2014-15 in the Sky Bet Championship as a result. For David, winning a trophy would be a fantastic achievement, but until that time, it should be Fergie all the way.

Books to arrive via drone

Australian textbook rental startup Zookal will begin utilizing drones to make its deliveries in Australia next year, with ambitions of bringing the unique, unmanned delivery method to U.S. customers by 2015. The company says this marks the first commercial use of fully automated drones worldwide. It will fulfill deliveries in Sydney using six drones to start, dropping off textbook purchases at an outdoor location of the customer's choosing. To wipe away any potential privacy or surveillance fears, the drones aren't equipped with cameras. Instead, built-in anti-collision technology keeps them clear of trees, buildings, birds, and other potential obstacles. It's looking to be a smart way to save on labour costs, but let's not drone on (excuse the pun) about this dehumanisation of service because two convicted murderers who used forged documents to trick their way out of prison in Florida have been recaptured. Joseph Jenkins and Charles Walker, both 34 and dangerous, were seized without incident at a motel in Panama City, Florida. The men, who were serving life sentences without the possibility of parole for murder, had been freed from separate jails after officials were fooled by fake papers reducing their terms. The prison authorities have pledged to tighten up their early-release policy.

New manager still not cutting it for the boys in red

David Moyes insists Manchester United will bounce back from the disappointment of conceding late on against Southampton at Old Trafford this morning, as Southampton captain Adam Lallana grabbed a late equaliser to cancel out Robin van Persie's first-half strike in a match where five players received yellow cards. I don't believe him. So far, the Reds are bombing under David Moyes. Alex Ferguson was the reason why Manchester United have been an awesome team in recent years, and so far, Moyes hasn't been able to work the same kind of magic.

Another one goes down over the frozen CO2

Police arrested a second airport employee yesterday (Pacific Daylight Time) for an alleged role in setting off ice bombs at the Los Angeles International Airport. 41-year-old Miguel Angel Iniguez of Inglewood was arrested while working at the airport and booked on suspicion of possession of a destructive device near an aircraft, Los Angeles police said. Iniguez is being held on $500,000 bail. This is why it never pays to set off a dry ice bomb. This sort of conduct is the wrong thing to do and he should be made to pay the price. SO DON'T DO IT. Also, don't cry onstage about Justin Bieber. Selena Gomez is still torn up about Bieber - that's the only explanation for her sappy and tear-filled performance Wednesday night (Eastern Daylight Time) in Brooklyn. Selena started sobbing and weeping near the end of her ballad, "Love Will Remember" - which is widely believed to be about Justin - partially because the original leaked version of the song featured a voicemail Justin left for Selena. Why Selena, or anyone for that matter, would have feelings for that douche is one of life's many mysteries. If you want real music, Google the phrase "Gangnam Style".

Kickstarter to kick-start in the Tasman

And no, it's not one of those deals where the convict crowd (who live on the wrong side of the ditch) will get to try the product first simply because there's more of them. Kickstarter, the world’s largest funding platform for creative projects, has revealed it’s opening up to both Australia- and New Zealand-based projects from November 13. Announced via the company’s official blog site, big thinking Kiwis and Aussies will benefit from the crowd funding website in less than a month. “In August we announced that Kickstarter would soon open up to projects based in Australia and New Zealand for the first time,” wrote Michael McGregor, creator of Kickstarter. “Today we’re happy to announce that the day has finally come! Beginning today (like, right now!), people in Australia and New Zealand can start building their projects by clicking on the “Start a project” button on the Start page. Beginning Wednesday November 13, people in those countries will be able to launch their projects. We’ll send an email that day letting everyone know when they can click the launch button.” But until that exciting day, there will still be plenty of time for all our Kiwi and Aussie readers, no matter what side of the ditch they're on, to come up with a good project and make it worth everyone's hard-earned cash (and no, I will NOT pledge money towards a robot that bowls underarm or anything of that ilk).

The shutdown has been shut down

After shutting down the U.S. government for 16 days and driving the nation toward the brink of default, a chastened Congress voted last night (Eastern Daylight Time) to reopen federal agencies, call hundreds of thousands of civil servants back to work, and raise the US$16.7 trillion debt ceiling. An agreement struck by Senate Majority Leader Harry M. Reid and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell ended a stalemate created last month, when hard-line conservatives pushed GOP leaders to use the threat of shutdown to block a landmark expansion of federally funded health coverage. “We’ve been locked in a fight over here, trying to bring government down to size, trying to do our best to stop Obamacare,” House Speaker John A. Boehner told a Cincinnati-area radio station. “We fought the good fight. We just didn’t win.” Of course they didn't. Their campaign was successful, but only in undermining popular support for the Republican Party. One side had to cave in eventually, and it was only fitting that dozens of anxious GOP lawmakers were ready to give President Obama almost exactly what he requested months ago: a bill to fund the government and increase the Treasury Department’s borrowing power with no strings attached. The Senate overwhelmingly ratified the deal 81 votes to 18, with more than half of Senate Republicans voting yes. A few hours later, the House followed suit, approving the measure 285 to 144. Eighty-seven Republicans joined a united Democratic caucus in approving the measure, allowing Congress to meet a critical Treasury Department deadline with one day to spare. But enough about that because a 32-year-old mom has drawn a firestorm of online criticism over a photo she posted on Facebook (pictured) to promote her fitness expertise that some say amounts to bullying. Maria Kang of Sacramento, California, shared a glossy shot of herself in ab-revealing workout gear along with her brood of three boys ages three years and under, below the caption "What's your excuse?" "I felt that if others can overcome incredible challenges to be in shape, why would my story be any different?" Kang, a sometime model and TV fitness expert who also owns a residential care home for the elderly, explained on her personal website. Here's my excuse: staying "in shape" is for those who are vain or have no self-esteem.

Lose an eye, don't lose a dimension

Seeing in three dimensions doesn’t necessarily need the use of two eyes, according to a pair of scientists at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland. One of the ways that humans perceive depth is through a process called stereopsis. Stereopsis stems from the fact that most people view the world through two eyeballs, each of which presents a slightly different picture. The tiny differences between the two pictures that each eye sees help the brain calculate the three-dimensional portrait of the world around the viewer. Losing one eye often sharply decreases a person’s depth perception. You can still pick up cues from the world around you by relying on lighting, perspective, and familiarity with the sizes of various objects. One of the few ways to recreate stereopsis with one eye is through motion, creating parallax – the same phenomenon that allows astronomers to calculate celestial distances by observing the motion of stars and planets. So there's no need for all you one-eyed readers out there to worry - you can still see many of the latest blockbusters in 3D (if you know the secret). Speaking of secrets, scientists have discovered a new type of botox they believe is the "deadliest substance known to man", but have withheld the DNA sequence because an antidote is not known. It is the first time the scientific community has made such a move to withhold such information but security concerns have dictated that they do so. New Scientist reports that just 2 billionths of a gram of the protein botulinum produced by the soil bacterium Clostridium botulinum will kill an adult.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Racial abuse

A former Napier woman living with her family in Australia says a recent visit back will be the last for some time, and they would be unlikely to return to live after being racially abused. "Racism is alive and well in Napier," Elizabeth Webber said as she and her husband and two children prepared to fly back to their home in Coomera on the Gold Coast. They had returned to visit her husband's family and she had caught up with friends, and on Saturday, the day before they were due to fly out, they had been driving along Hastings St and slowed down for the paved speed bump and stop sign at the intersection with Vautier St. Mrs Webber said the speed bumps were confusing as some people treated them as pedestrian crossings where they believed they had right of crossing before a motor vehicle, but she agreed that out of courtesy if someone was crossing a car should allow him or her to. "On the approach we noticed no one walking across or approaching the speed hump so we proceeded to go over and wait behind the car in front of us." She said the back end of their car was on the speed hump for no more than 10 to 15 seconds at the most. "In that time an elderly man, about 75 to 85, was approaching and then started to walk across the speed hump. As he got closer to our car window, he said loud enough for all of us to hear, 'Bloody Maoris'." Mrs Webber said she was angry, embarrassed, and felt humiliated - but was especially upset because her 11-year-old son was also in the car and heard what the man said. That was not cool. One should never say those things to anyone. I am for the most part relieved that my niece (pictured) wasn't within earshot of that bellend.

Airport freezes over frozen CO2

Authorities say an explosion from a plastic bottle containing dry ice at a Los Angeles International Airport terminal caused up to four flights to be delayed. FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller says a chemical reaction caused the explosion last night (Pacific Daylight Time) in an employee bathroom in Terminal 2. No injuries were reported, but as a precaution authorities closed the terminal and examined the area for evidence. To do that, officials had to halt security screening, which led to the delay of up to four departing flights. Whoever left the dry ice bomb did a horrible thing that inconvenienced possibly hundreds of travellers and could've potentially been a diversion for an act of terrorism. But enough about that because a Malaysian court had ruled that a Christian newspaper may not use the word "Allah" to refer to God, a landmark decision that doesn't take into account the fact that the word Allah predated Islam and had been used extensively by Malay-speaking Christians in Malaysia's part of Borneo island for centuries. In fact, Christians in Indonesia and much of the Arab world continue to use the word without opposition from Islamic authorities.

Cricketer to retire amidst stronger carbon

A material called carbyne could be stronger even than graphene or diamond, according to researchers who have calculated its properties. The team says carbyne, which is a chain of carbon atoms held together by double or alternating single and triple chemical bonds, could have a range of remarkable properties, if it can ever be made in bulk - and some experts have doubted whether this is possible. Even if it is possible, even carbyne can never be any stronger than, or even as strong as, Chuck Norris - the man who can divide by zero, and despite MC Hammer's claims, can "touch this". What can't be touched, however, is the fact that Sachin Tendulkar - the man with 13 coins - will be missed. Cricket fans in India have praised the record-breaking batsman, who has announced that he is to retire from all cricket. He will stand down after playing his 200th Test match next month. The 40-year-old former India captain is the highest run-scorer in the history of Test cricket.

All choked up and no place to go

Irish parents have been warned of a deadly choking game sweeping the web in which children 'strangle' themselves to restrict the flow of blood to the brain. The warning comes after a boy was admitted to Temple Street Hospital in Dublin as a result of playing the game. The teenager, who ended up on life support after the game went horribly wrong, was in a stable condition in the hospital last night. He is unconscious but in a stable condition, having been released from the Intensive Care Unit on Tuesday. The dangerous game is known by a variety of names from 'funky chicken' to 'space monkey'. It involves hyperventilating or squeezing the carotid artery in the neck for a few seconds to achieve a high. Constricting the artery in this way cuts blood flow to the brain. Releasing the pressure leads to a sudden rush of oxygen to the brain, giving a feeling of euphoria. But the practice can cause brain damage, loss of consciousness, or even death. So if you're engaging in that sort of rubbish, then STOP IT or it could be you in intensive care.

Planet without a star

Eighty light-years from Earth, there's a world that's just six times more massive than Jupiter, floating all alone without a sun to keep it warm, astronomers reported on Wednesday. Such free-floaters have been reported before, but in the past, it hasn't always been clear whether these were orphaned planets or failed stars. This time, the scientists say they're sure it's a planet. There is a chance this new planet could actually be a star, but back on this planet, Ontario has passed a law that will ban people under the age of 18 from using tanning beds, a measure aimed at cutting rates of skin cancer in the province. The new rules will also force tanning salons to prominently post government-created posters that explain the risks of tanning to customers. “It is important legislation for us in Ontario today,” Health Minister Deb Matthews said Wednesday after the legislature unanimously endorsed the law at third reading. “Of course, a national solution would be preferable – I think that’s what the industry would prefer – but my job is to make sure the people of Ontario are protected.” In fact, the youth of eight of the ten provinces of Canada are protected by similar legislation (the two exceptions are Alberta and Saskatchewan).

Boiling up the future

It seems like it will only be a matter of time before you have the option to replace every appliance and utensil in your house with one that is connected to the Internet or to your phone. We've seen smart refrigerators, smart thermostats, the smart fork, smart locks, the smart smoke detector, and now there's what UK retailer Firebox.com calls the "world's first WiFi kettle." Now getting up early in the morning to boil water can a tedious task. What if you could just lie down in bed and have your water boiled at your bidding? This is the concept behind iKettle. This kitchen gadget can be controlled using an iOS or Android smartphone as long as the accompanying app is installed. The aptly named iKettle is what you expect it to be. The stainless steel 1.8 liter kettle has a wireless-equipped base station. When the kettle and smartphone are on the same network, using the app you can not only turn on the kettle but also set the temperature. Even better, the app has an alarm that allows you to turn on the heat as you hit the snooze button so your hot water is ready and waiting when you get out of bed. That's the good news, but the bad news is that at this stage, it will come with a standard 3-pin UK plug, so if you want to use this cool new gadget outside of the UK and Ireland, you will need an adapter. But it will hopefully all be worth it when the iKettle, which retails at US$160.79, ships next month.

OpenDoor closes in China

Apple has been accused of kowtowing to the Chinese government by pulling from its China App Store a product enabling users to circumvent firewalls and access restricted sites. OpenDoor, a free app that provides users a randomized IP address to keep their browsing habits anonymous and shielded from censors, was removed after the tech giant deemed it contained "illegal content," the app's lead developer said. It remains available in App Stores outside China. The developer - who wished to remain anonymous, saying that "as the developers of an app that protects users' privacy and anonymity online, it only makes sense to do the same ourselves" - said Apple provided no notification that the app had been pulled, with the developers only learning from consumers. When Apple responded to OpenDoor, they were told only that the app contained content that was illegal in China. Apple requires developers to comply with legal requirements in all locations in which the product is made available, but they could've made an exception for some of the stupid laws they have in places like China. Doing business in China should not mean having to give in to evil communist pigs. Other apps previously removed from Apple's App Store in China for falling foul of censorship laws include one providing access to forbidden books, and a news app for a U.S.-based broadcaster founded by the banned spiritual group Falun Gong.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Growing older

That's right, growing older. It happens to everyone, for example, both of my parents turned 50 this year. I am now half their age, still living with one of them, and still not in a job. But I am still here to do what I do best, which is bring you a daily piece of my mind (and whoever's been +1'ing all my recent posts, thank you). We start tonight with Singapore's prime minister, who openly criticized the United States over the government shutdown and ongoing deadlock over the debt ceiling, calling them "problems you have created for yourself in a game of chicken." He's right about that one. The Republicans are effectively holding America hostage over the Obamacare program, which they don't want to fund. They need to realise that the Affordable Care Act will help several Americans who would otherwise have to go to Canada to get the health care they so desperately need. And they'd better lift the debt ceiling by next Thursday otherwise America will have no choice but to default.

True patriot love in all of us command?

A group of prominent Canadian women have launched a campaign to make the English-language lyrics to Canada's national anthem more gender-neutral. The group, which includes author Margaret Atwood and former Prime Minister Kim Campbell, objects to the line "in all thy sons command". The women say a revision to O Canada's lyrics would "encapsulate the equality of all Canadians". Their campaign (click here for their website), also backed by Senator Nancy Ruth and former Senator Vivienne Poy, calls on Canadians to encourage Prime Minister Stephen Harper's government to alter the official English lyrics to O Canada. They would change the line to "in all of us command". The women say the English version of the song at one point contained the line "thou dost in us command", with that line revised in 1913 to "in all thy sons command". Maybe it is time to make the change. If Australia could remove the words "Australia's sons" from the first line of their national anthem, then so can Canada. Even Austria removed the sexist language from their national anthem effective beginning of last year.

Reds back in top half of the table

Manchester United’s match this morning had got off to the worst possible start when Sunderland's Craig Gardner took the lead just five minutes in, but the Reds returned to winning ways (a rare feat under their new manager) at the Stadium of Light thanks to two superb goals from 18-year-old Adnan Januzaj (who is eligible to represent Belgium through birth, Kosovo and Albania through his parents, and Turkey and Serbia through his grandparents). Six players got yellow-carded.

Here comes the bride, just not from that side

Today is the 40th anniversary of the signing of the European Patent Convention. Also known as the Convention on the Grant of European Patents of 5 October 1973, the EPC is a multilateral treaty instituting the European Patent Organisation and providing an autonomous legal system according to which European patents are granted. But enough about that crap because as disagreements in Congress mean that "closed" signs hang outside national parks across the US, many couples' wedding venues are now suddenly out of bounds. For instance, when Natasha Juliao and Sean Coughlin walked on to Paramount Ranch just outside Los Angeles, they knew they had found their perfect wedding venue. "The second that we stepped on the property, I knew it was where I was going to get married and we were jumping up and down and giddy," gushed bride-to-be Natasha. So when she found out that the bohemian ghost town would be closed for her big day, she was crushed. "I immediately had a nervous breakdown and started crying at work, it was awful. I had no idea what to do." With family and friends flying in from places as far as Taiwan, postponing the wedding was not an option. Unable to get a refund, Juliao and Coughlin, a nursing assistant and production co-ordinator, were nearly out of time and money to find an alternative. And hoping to create an intimate setting for their families' first encounter, Drake Lucas and Zach Kouwe spent more than a year poring over Pinterest, planning a low-key wedding in California's Yosemite National Park. "Ironically," Drake noted, "we chose it because we thought it would be stress-free." But with the park closed, the Brooklyn couple are scrambling to put together a plan B wedding in San Francisco, a five-hour drive away. From the flowers to the venue, everything has to be found in less than a week, which means nothing will be quite as they envisaged. In the midst of her hectic attempts to salvage her big day, Lucas, a grant-writer at Human Rights Watch, has some words of wisdom for Congress. "If I can just share a little of the advice I've been given during my engagement, I might be able to help us all out. It's called compromise. I hear you have to do a lot of it in marriage, and it seems to me that you should have to do a lot of it in your job, too. You can't just give up if you don't get your way. And you have to pay your bills on time. Because we are in this for the long haul and there are enough real problems we will have to weather - there is no need to create ones you can prevent." Here's another problem the bellends in Congress could've prevented: a hike in a wedding dress. As an endurance athlete, Genevieve Jeuck knew how to push through in tough situations. But when she found out that her Grand Canyon dream wedding would be off limits, she stopped in her tracks. "I got the call Thursday night. I cried. I was freaking out, and then I thought I was turning into a 'Bridezilla.'" Jeuck, a violinist, and her fiance Michael Sallemi, a Harley Davidson salesman, hadn't connected the dots between the government shutdown and the national parks closing. And with less than six days until the 2 October wedding, all options were on the table. But then the New Jersey couple were able to relocate to Sedona, Arizona, and the last-second wedding included an unexpected hike in the white dress. But a hike wasn't part of these wedding plans: MaiLien Le and Michael Cassesso had planned a romantic wedding at the Jefferson Memorial, where they met for their first date more than four years ago. Having worked in politics, the couple are no stranger to Capitol Hill antics, but that didn't soften the blow as their wedding became a casualty of the latest Washington crisis. "It's gut-wrenching, frustrating, aggravating, disheartening to have our wedding turned upside down like that," says Cassesso, a legislative analyst. Le, a project co-ordinator at an executive search firm, had a more intuitive reaction, with an expletive. As strangers started donating to their wedding gift registry, Cassesso and Le directed the funds to The Covenant House (a charity for homeless young people), a group the couple think will be adversely affected by the shutdown. This sort of rubbish is just one of the reasons why the GOP needs to stop holding the government hostage over Obamacare. They are only hurting their own cause by being a bunch of complete jerks about a law which will help several million Americans. Once the Republicans have veto-proof majorities (minimum two thirds) in both houses, they will have a chance to repeal the offending legislation.

Wiper, no wiping!

Forbes magazine printed its list of the billionaires in the year 2013. Royal family members and dictators were not included. Two-hundred and ten new billionaires reached that zenith since 2012. Worldwide there are 1,426 billionaires with a record net worth of $5.4 trillion — up from $4.6 trillion in 2012. Bill Gates is the richest American billionaire and second-most wealthy in the world, with a net worth of $67 billion. That is up $6 billion in one year. As of 2008 there were 10 million people around the globe who were classified as U.S. dollar millionaires. The number in the U.S. as of 2012 was 5,231,000. Realise that mathematically a million is one thousand thousands and a billion is one thousand millions. Bill Gates’ haul is 67 thousand thousand thousand dollar bills. The United States has a population of 316-plus million people. About two-thirds of that total are adults (age 18 and older). That would be about 212 million adults. If we separate the American millionaires from that total, it would leave 206 million American adults who are not millionaires. Let’s pretend Bill Gates was to magnanimously give all 206 million adult American non-millionaires a million each. As a percentage of his one year’s income, that would amount to 3.4 percent. As a percentage of his total wealth, that would represent only 0.3 percent. It could happen, but rich people being who they are, I wouldn't count on it. What is happening, however, is that a German security company has uncovered a bug in the new iPhone's software that it said enables hackers to overcome a safeguard allowing users to remotely wipe stolen or lost phones. Berlin's Security Research Labs, known as SRL, said yesterday that the vulnerability could potentially give criminals time to break into the Apple phones, gain complete control of data, access email accounts, and then potentially take over the user's bank accounts. The research firm also said it has figured out an easier way to crack the iPhone fingerprint scanner than has been demonstrated thus far. It published a video demonstrating the newly discovered flaws on its website.

Not lovin' it in Tecoma

A long-running feud has pitted protesters from a small town of 2,000 people in the shadows of Australia's temperate rainforest against one of the world's most recognisable brands. Tranquil Tecoma, 35km east of central Melbourne, has become a battleground between McDonald's and "community" protesters over the construction of a 24-hour drive-through restaurant. Opponents say the restaurant would be too close to a nursery and primary school, would damage other businesses, and disrupt the fabric of a leafy community known for its artists and wildlife. But despite such fierce opposition, McDonald's says it will press ahead. The company says: "We have followed due process every step of the way to build a family restaurant on a highway that houses a number of food and service outlets. The area is appropriately zoned, we have an approved planning permit, and we are moving forward. We know that there is much support in the community and our obligation is to ensure that those who want a McDonald's in the community have that option." Bollocks. Most of this "support" is coming from the bureaucrats running the show in Tecoma, who have bowled underarm just so McDonald's can have their way. This is not how a responsible city government should act.

No nipples please, we're Kiwis

New Zealand is making headlines overseas for refusing to allow naked breasts in a cancer campaign on television. A controversial advert - first aired in the UK - shows real pictures of women's breasts affected by cancer. The campaign resulted in a 50 percent rise in the number of women contacting their GP about breast cancer. But New Zealand's Commercial Approval Bureau, an industry body that classifies ads on behalf of broadcasters, has told health campaigners that nipples aren't permitted on TV adverts here. The newspaper Herald Scotland carried the story and quoted a breast cancer survivor who said it was "quite tragic" the ad wasn't being played in New Zealand. "That advert saved my life," Janet Brodie said, saying she went to the doctor only after seeing the advert and recognising she had some signs of breast cancer. "We're in the 21st century and if it helps one person to go to their doctor and do what they've got to do, if it saves one person's life, it should be shown," she said. The New Zealand Breast Cancer Foundation argues the importance of knowing all the signs and symptoms far outweighs the commercial watchdog's concerns. I agree with the foundation on that one. It's not like there's anyone jacking off in the background. But enough about that because in other cancer-related news, a commonly used blood pressure drug could help fight cancer by opening up blood vessels in solid tumours. Used beside conventional cancer-fighting drugs, it could improve life expectancy, experts believe. Following successful testing in mice, doctors plan to give losartan to patients with pancreatic cancer to see if it can tackle this hard-to-treat disease. Currently, only 5% of pancreatic cancer patients survive for at least 5 years. This is partly because only one in 10 people with the disease has a tumour that is operable.

1300 POSTS!

US government agencies were ordered to close for the first time in more than 17 years after lawmakers stalemated over Republican efforts to block President Obama's healthcare law. More than 800,000 federal workers were to spend today, the first day of the new fiscal year, on unpaid furloughs as agency managers executed contingency plans for the costly process of closing down operations indefinitely. The official word to shut down came from the White House just before midnight (Eastern Daylight Time). Hours earlier, the Senate, by a 54-46 party-line vote, killed a House measure that would have funded government agencies for six weeks but delayed key parts of Obamacare for a year. But enough about that because a fast-food chain in Washington is promising free hamburgers to federal workers who now find themselves furloughed by the shutdown. “If people don’t go to work, they can come and get a burger” at four Z-Burger locations in the national capital region at noon hour and again in the early evening, the chain's founder Peter Tabibian told AFP. Tabibian, whose family emigrated from Iran in the 1980s, acknowledged that he’s going to lose money “if this thing goes on for 20 days,” but he said he wanted to help out civil servants who are a big part of his clientele. But this offer isn't open to just anybody. The offer is open to furloughed federal employees and contractors upon presentation of an ID card, as well as municipal workers in Washington, which as a federal district is overseen by Congress. By one estimate, there are 320,000 federal employees in Washington and its adjacent suburbs, representing about 15 percent of the entire federal government payroll. For the national capital, a federal shutdown could see the shutdown of tourist attractions such as the Smithsonian museums. It could also trigger a suspension of rubbish collection and parking enforcement. This is why Congress needs to get it together. Unless both houses can sort out this Obamacare mess, the shutdown will continue to have a very real economic impact on real people.

Month ends with 14 bellends

The co-Bellends of the Month for September 2013 are Luis Anaya, Osael Romero, Ramon Sanchez, Christian Castillo, Miguel Granada, Miguel Montes, Dagoberto Portillo, Dennis Alas, Darwin Bonilla, Ramon Flores, Alfredo Pacheco, Mordecai Henriquez, Marvin Gonzalez, and Reynaldo Hernandez. El Salvador's football federation has imposed a life-time ban on all of the people in question for match-fixing. But there were eight more footballers involved, none of which have been named so far. Three players were banned for between six and 18 months, four remain under investigation, and only one of the 22 players involved was cleared. The players are accused of receiving bribes to throw matches such as a 5-0 defeat against Mexico in 2011 and a 4-2 loss against Paraguay last February. This is not cool. You shouldn't just throw a sporting contest like that. Not only does match-fixing put money in the hands of illegal gambling syndicates, it just takes the fun out of sport. Pro wrestling is the only sport that should ever be played to a pre-determined result.

Baggies bag home scalp

Manchester United slipped to a first home defeat of the season this morning as West Bromwich Albion posted a shock 2-1 victory over the Barclays Premier League champions at Old Trafford. Despite bouncing back from last weekend’s Manchester derby defeat with a rousing Capital One Cup victory over Liverpool a few days ago, David Moyes’ side were unable to break down the well-drilled visitors in open play, and succumbed to two fine goals - one by Morgan Amalfitano and the other by Saido Berahino. Wayne Rooney scored Manchester United's goal, and five players were yellow-carded.