It's a backpack loaded up with Grants and Benjies too, any dough that you might need it's all inside for you

In the decade since he bought a small Burger King franchise on North Bascom Avenue, Altaf Chaus has rarely grappled with questions more existentially challenging than, "Would you like fries with that?" But this week, Chaus found himself at the center of a debate that was such an ethical whopper it quickly went national: What would you do if somebody walked out of your fast food restaurant $100,000 lighter, and never came back for the money? Just as Chaus was about to leave work Wednesday to celebrate his birthday, two employees brought him a backpack that had been abandoned in a booth, where it sat for hours under a sign that reminded diners to SAVOR EACH MOMENT. Eager to get to his Hayward home, Chaus unzipped the blue bag with brown piping, hoping to find a phone number so he could contact the rightful owner. "And then, whoosh," he said, "the money." The backpack contained US$100,000 in corpulent bundles of $100 and $50 bills. Only two weeks earlier, customers had stuck Chaus with three counterfeit $100 bills, so he had put up another sign - in his own handwriting - on the milkshake machine next to the cash register: NO $100 BILLS PLEASE. Now, suddenly, he was holding a bag full of them. The nearly universal first thought was, What would you do if you were him? Chaus was him, and he knew exactly what to do. He called the police. The owner should be lucky it wasn't me who found the bag, because if I had found $100,000, I wouldn't be turning it into the cops. My dad found NZ$10 on the ground one time before I was born, back when according to him, $10 was a lot of money. He made the mistake of turning it into the cop shop, but lucky for him nobody claimed it and it became his. Instead of making that same mistake, I would savour that moment like Chaus's sign says to and I would splurge like never before - one of the first things would be to take my niece and nephew to Peppa Pig World, which is a Peppa Pig-themed attraction at a theme park in England called Paultons Park. Also on my list, I would buy Sony's new e-paper watch, which was hiding in plain sight all along while rumors were circling about the new device. The wearable e-paper device, called the FES Watch, was under development through a company called Fashion Entertainments, which turned out to be associated with the Japanese electronics and entertainment giant, reports the Wall Street Journal. The wearable uses e-paper technology, such as the kind present on the $99 Pebble and the Amazon Kindle tablet. But instead of using e-paper just for the watch face, it uses it for both the face and its wristband surface. This lets the watch take on multiple designs and appearances with just the tap of a button. Though rumors of the device have surfaced only recently, it was sitting on a Japanese crowdfunding site as early as September, with the project raising more than US$23,000. Sony hasn’t confirmed a launch date for the watch, but the project’s crowdfunding site currently targets May 2015 for a release date, by which time if I had found that $100,000, I would've pretty much spent it all, and the small quantity of pot the cops also found in that bag would've been smoked long before then.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Mockingjay Part 1

Not as long as the last two but of course this is only the first part of the final book - it's where the trilogy really starts to get good. So if you haven't seen this movie yet, WHY THE !*$%^@#%*&%&^#$%*^$%!@#$^$#@#$%^&&*&%@%#%$^%&^#$%^#@%$$*^%$%#!*#$%@^$%*!#@#%$$#^@!%@^#!@#$!%*$%%$#*!%$##~@%&^$#%!~@*^*^!#*@$#@!^%$%$@*#!#^%#^$!*&@$!~~!@$#@*^#$%~&@#$%~*#~*!@^>$~#$$$$!@#~#$@@!%%$^^^###!#$^$&*~!%$*^&#$%!@##$*~#%%*$#~!&@#$^!~~#$^&*~@<$&">!^$"*%^$@~<@>"%*^<>"~*%@#$~$!#$^@*~$#@~!%@#$^*#@@##%$*&$%$#!@~$#@#$%*#%#~$~!*&#^$~@#!@$!~@%#!~~"!~#<">~<<>~@>&~!%@!!@*<>%^&~ NOT? The cast and crew put a lot of hard work in to get this out to us. You should really go see this before everyone stops talking about it.

Barr takes on Bill

Roseanne Barr has tweeted and deleted a disturbing photo of her bloody face and joked that she got into a "tussle" with Bill Cosby, who has faced a series of sexual assault allegations recently. The 62-year-old actress posted a selfie of her face looking swollen and bloody under the caption: “tussle w bill cosby,” before swiftly deleting it. She then followed that up with the same image alongside a new caption. “Got a chemical peel to look more sexier. Joked about tussling cosby,” she wrote. This comes after the comedian’s lawyer denied the allegations made against Cosby. In a statement released last Friday Marty Singer said the allegations are “becoming increasingly ridiculous”, and said that news organisations should stop vilifying the Cosby Show actor. But if you think Barr's attempt to get in on the action was bad, just imagine the sort of Bill Cosby-related material Robin Williams would be coming up with had he not hung himself.

#gigatowndunedin wins #gigaspeedinternet

Dunedin has been announced as the winner of Chorus' Gigatown competition, winning New Zealand's fastest broadband. As the winning town, Dunedin (or #gigatowndunedin as it was known during the competition period) will receive access to one gigabit per second internet, a NZ$200,000 development fund to support entrepreneurs and innovators taking new services using the gigabit fibre to market, and a NZ$500,000 community fund to kick start community related developments. But enough about that because Samsung has recently unveiled an eye-tracking mouse, dubbed as EYECAN+, which allows people with disabilities to control their computers with a blink of an eye. The EYECAN+ doesn't require the user to wear any equipment or be in any specific position, it works when users are positioned approximately 2 feet away from the monitor. It is a portable box that is positioned below a computer monitor and it allows users to surf the Internet, write, and edit documents. Samsung stated that they do not plan to sell the system and instead will donate the limited quantity to charity organizations. However, the technology and design will soon be made open source, allowing other groups and companies free rein to commercialize the eye mouse.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Having an all-white grand jury

Protests have erupted across America after a grand jury decided not to indict a white Missouri police officer in the fatal shooting of an unarmed black teenager, with several hundred people storming onto a New York City bridge, 500 demonstrators blocking traffic on a major highway in California and others lying down outside the White House and on a street in Beverly Hills, California. Some demonstrations turned violent, with people looting a store in Chicago; protesters throwing large fireworks, rocks, bottles, and canned food at police in Seattle; and a police car being vandalized in Oakland. The protests broke out after St. Louis County prosecutor Bob McCulloch announced that the grand jury had not indicted Officer Darren Wilson, who gunned down Michael Brown on a street in Ferguson on Aug. 9. The grand jury had options ranging from first-degree murder to no charge at all, but being the racist pigs they are, they chose no charge at all. This is why they shouldn't be using all-white grand juries. The decision seems to underscore an unwritten rule that black lives hold no value and one may kill black men without consequences or repercussions. Seriously, Bob McCulloch, you and that grand jury need to reconsider that stupid verdict. It's enough to make Patrick Stewart swear. Speaking of which, here's a clip from the gag reel for the final season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which is coming out on Blu-ray next week:

They let the cat-like thing out of the bag

One bright yellow and cat-like, with a green leaf-haired brother, the mascots for the 2016 Olympics and Paralympics in Rio de Janeiro were launched by organisers late on Sunday, their backstory being they were born out of the joy of the Brazilian people at having been awarded the games. The mascots, who are said to represent the animals and plants of Brazil, are a key part of the Olympics merchandising campaign which is set to feature 12,000 products and is an important revenue source and a vital way of engaging the public. A public poll will be held to decide the mascots' names from a shortlist of Oba and Eba; Tiba Tuque and Esquindim; and Vinicius and Tom. But whatever name is chosen, organisers hope to raise a billion reais in retail sales from Rio 2016 branded merchandise, and are hoping the mascots help engage younger audiences in the Olympics, with a television series starring the mascots planned to run on Brazilian television next year. But at least it's a much more imaginative choice than some of the more recent mascots we've had.

Reds surge to fourth

Manchester United's elusive search for a first away win in 2014/15 came to what had initially seemed like an unlikely end this morning with a 2-1 victory over Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium. A Kieran Gibbs own goal in the second half, Wayne Rooney's galloping breakaway effort in the 85th minute, and the heroics of David De Gea at the other end of the field earned the three points. Antonio Valencia's low shot after 56 minutes was inadvertently deflected by Gibbs into his own net to give the Reds the lead, then Rooney finished off an incisive counter-attack to make it 2-0. Angel Di Maria could have made it 3-0 late on, but he missed a good chance and Olivier Giroud pulled a goal back to make it a nervy 2-1 finish. But this was a commendable performance of persistence from United in testing circumstances, as the Reds have now climbed up to fourth place, and it looks like maybe things will be better with Loser van Gaal in charge.

Hello Forty

Hello Kitty, the cat that isn't really a cat, recently turned 40. After entering the world on Nov. 1, 1974, the iconic character produced by Sanrio Co. has been loved by millions of people around the world, regardless of gender and age. Kitty, whose real name supposedly is Kitty White, is a girl who is five apples tall (two more than the Smurfs), weighs three apples, and has blood type A. She lives in the London suburbs with her parents and her twin sister Mimmy, according to Sanrio. Her favorite food is the apple pies her mother bakes, and she dreams of becoming a pianist or poet in the future. Speaking of apples, celebrity chef Jamie Oliver admits he once spiked his daughter's apple with spicy chilli after she misbehaved. Oliver made the admission while appearing on the BBC Good Food Show. The father of four said his wife Jools was outraged at the method, but that "it worked a treat". "I give them chillies for punishment," The Daily Mail reported Oliver saying. "It is not very popular beating kids any more ... and if you are a celebrity chef like me it does not look very good in the paper. So you need a few options." Oliver said he had prepared the chilli-ridden snack in reply to his tween's rude and disrespectful behaviour. "Five minutes later she thought I had forgotten and I hadn't," he told the crowd. "She asked for an apple. I cut it up into several pieces and rubbed it with Scotch bonnet [chilli] and it worked a treat. She ran up to mum and said, 'This is peppery'. I was in the corner laughing." For those of you not in the know, Scotch bonnets are a very spicy chilli, not as spicy as the bhut jolokia (aka ghost pepper) but way spicier than jalapenos. This just screams of bad parent, much like that tiger mother Amy Chua or the judge who beat his daughter while the whole thing was being taped without his knowledge. And besides, Oliver is not the only celebrity to use chilli to discipline his child. US actor and public speaker Lisa Whelchel, who was Blair on The Facts of Life, recommends a technique known as "hot saucing", where "tiny" amounts of chilli or pepper condiments are placed in a child's mouth as punishment.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Exists

This movie is a masterpiece compared to Eduardo Sanchez's other work. The critics do not seem to agree with me on that, even though Fearnet praised Exists for its editing and score, as they felt that it would help make the movie appeal to people who would not normally like found footage films. Let's hope Mr Sanchez can "find" some more footage worthy of the big screen.

Noteworthy money to be issued next year

New Zealand's banknotes are getting a makeover for the first time in 15 years, and although the same well-known faces will remain, security features have been beefed up. Today the Reserve Bank announced it will be releasing new designs of New Zealand bank notes, which will come into circulation from October next year. The last banknote upgrade was in 1999, with the change from paper to polymer. While the new designs will feature all the same well-known faces, including Sir Edmund Hillary and Kate Sheppard, the new designs and colours will be more vibrant. That's right, New Zealand's "paper" money is changing from this:

to this:

As you can see, the text of the number value of each note will be much bolder and brighter. The shape, size, and feel of the notes will also remain the same. However, the new notes will contain more sophisticated security features. These include holographic features that will help to make the notes easy to verify, but much harder to counterfeit. The transparent windows that feature in the current banknotes will also be much larger in the new designs, featuring a greater level of both design and security. But Kiwis won't be seeing these in their wallets just yet - the new $5 and $10 notes will be out next October, and the other three will be out six months later.

Get ready to say nanu-nanu to the end this festive season

The final season of Mork and Mindy is coming out on DVD in less than three weeks time. But right now, it's the twentieth anniversary of the first UK National Lottery draw. The first draw took place on 19 November 1994 with a television programme presented by Noel Edmonds. This was an hour long special, in which 49 contestants competed to become the first person to start the draw, the winner being 18-year-old Deborah Walsh. The first number to be drawn was 30. The next numbers drawn were 3, 5, 44, 14, and 22; the bonus number was 10; and seven jackpot winners shared a prize of £5,874,778 (£839,254 each). But enough about that because a new generation of New Zealand banknotes will be revealed tomorrow afternoon, when the new banknote designs will be unveiled during a media lock up at the Reserve Bank before being added to circulation late next year. While the designs will be updated, the themes of the notes will remain the same, with the same New Zealanders (or old British woman in the case of the $20 note), flora, and fauna remaining. The notes will have a more modern look, feature larger print stating note denominations, and greater colour contrast between notes. The process will cost the Reserve Bank an estimated $80 million and is the first change to New Zealand banknotes since 1999 when banknotes went from being printed on paper made from cotton to polymer.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Subway attacks

A man has been pushed to his death beneath a train on the New York subway. Police said an unidentified man pushed 61-year-old Wai Kuen Kwok onto the tracks and into the path of an oncoming train on Sunday morning. Kwok, who had been standing on the platform with his wife, was struck by a southbound train at around 8.40am at the 167th Street and Grand Concourse station. He was pronounced dead at the scene. His wife was not injured. The assailant fled but authorities have released video footage of a man wanted in connection with the horrific incident. Witnesses said they believed the man fled the subway station after shoving Kwok and jumped on a city bus. There have been three other incidents in recent years that have involved a person being pushed onto the tracks. In April 2013, a train ran over a man desperately clawing at a Manhattan subway platform after being pushed onto the tracks by a homeless suspect with whom he'd been arguing. In December 2012, another homeless man was arrested for pushing a Queens man in front of a Times Square train that fatally crushed him. And later the same month, a mumbling woman pushed a man to his death in front of a subway train in Queens. This is not on. You don't just push people in front of a train like that. It may be a good idea for a joke at the time, but you won't find it funny when the cops get involved.

99 bucks to get a tablet

The age of the $99 tablet is here, and just in time for the holiday shopping season. While you’re shopping for the latest copy of "101 Ways to Prepare Leftover Turkey" on the day after Thanksgiving, Walmart hopes you’ll also take home E Fun's newest Windows tablet, the 8-inch Nextbook. The tablet will be available at Walmart’s brick and mortar locations starting on Black Friday, November 28, for the low, low price of US$99. The device comes with 16GB of internal storage. But buyers can take advantage of a Black Friday promotion that offers a 16GB microSD card in the box, a bonus that basically doubles the storage capacity of the device. The Nextbook also comes with a one-year subscription to Office 365 Personal, including 1TB of OneDrive cloud storage, and hopefully a way to find an e-book version of "101 Ways to Prepare Leftover Turkey" - finding a free copy would be better still so you don't have to shell out even more just for the paperback version.

Singapore Wi-Fi - an expensive way to fly

Although in-flight Internet access has existed for a handful of years now, it's still pretty rare to board a flight and find out that it's offered, and after learning of a recent experience by a Singapore Airlines customer, I'm starting to think that we might be better off without it. Once in the air, Jeremy Gutsche plunked down $28.99 to experience the wonders of in-flight Internet. I doubt it needs to be said, but $29 for a service like this is really high - it's almost as if the charge is $1 for every 1,000 or so feet in the air. Nonetheless, the asinine charges didn't stop there. After deboarding, Jeremy was handed a bill for $1,200. We've all heard this story before - overage is one heck of a drug. So please do not use in-flight Wi-Fi. The Internet will still be around when you land.

Millers to be milled out

Good news, everyone - The Millers has been cancelled. One more episode will be filmed before production is shut down, at which point an awful chapter in television history will come to an end that should've come a lot sooner.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Interstellar

This is one of Christopher Nolan's best films to date. To find out just how good, you should go see it for yourself.

Trailer out for Insurgent

The revolution is on! The official trailer for Insurgent, the next installment in Veronica Roth's young-adult dystopian trilogy, was released yesterday, and if it's any indication, viewers are in for even more action. The trailer picks up where Divergent left off, with Tris (Shailene Woodley who turns 23 on Saturday), Four (Theo James), and Caleb (Ansel Elgort) rallying their band of friends in a post-apocalyptic Chicago to foil the evil doings of those now in power, led by Jeanine Matthews (Kate Winslet). Insurgent, which stars new cast member Suki Waterhouse as Marlene, hits theaters March 20 (release dates may vary) and will apparently also be released in 3D.

Guess who's back, back again? Maybach's back, tell a friend!

Mercedes-Benz has finally confirmed one of the year’s worst-kept secrets: as a possible result of its name-checking in the Lorde song Royals, the Maybach brand is making a return as a new “Mercedes-Maybach” sub-brand specializing in ultra-luxury, similar to how the existing Mercedes-AMG sub-brand specializes in performance. Along with the confirmation, Mercedes released two photos teasing the first Mercedes-Maybach-enhanced model, the Mercedes-Maybach S-Class, which has been confirmed for separate debuts at auto shows taking place in LA and Guangzhou in the coming week. Big deal. The comeback of 2014 was when Pam Dawber was on The Crazy Ones, but it's not like anybody's talking about that anymore.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Letting David Moyes take the reins

Former Manchester United boss David Moyes has been named as the new manager of Spanish club Real Sociedad. It is the 51-year-old's first job since he was sacked as United manager in April after a 10-month spell in charge. Moyes replaces Jagoba Arrasate, who was dismissed by Sociedad after a poor run of form which currently sees them lie 15th in La Liga. The Scot has signed a contract to June 2016 and will take charge for the first time at Deportivo on 22 November. We all know Moyes is going to screw this up like he did Manchester United, which begs the question: why did they pick a manager that fires blanks to replace another manager that fires blanks? Speaking of which, I'm not sure Loser van Gaal is even trying anymore.

Art upon art

Some of the new street art adorning buildings in Dunedin's warehouse precinct and the surrounding area has been defaced with graffiti (vandalism pictured). On its online social media page, Dunedin Street Art says the group "clearly made someone angry" in its effort to bring art to some of the city's blank walls. The group posted four pictures of graffiti, three of which bore the same offensive stencilled message. One of the targeted buildings was Chipmunks, a children's adventure play business, and it's not something kids turning up to a play area should have to see. It’s also not fair to the artists or owners involved to have this happen to their walls. It’s Dunedin Street Art or the building owner that has to pay for such a bad-taste joke to be removed from the buildings. If someone is going to be tagging and defacing property they need to be caught and punished (and hopefully be made to reimburse whoever paid for the removal). What gives them the right to do that? And how would they like it if somebody went to their house and wrote things on their wall (like 'Get a job you talentless git')? The only silver lining of this is that the graffiti isn't actually on the street art - it's just on the same wall but not over the art itself, which is good because removal isn't going to destroy the work.

Mindy has now lived longer than Mork

That's right, people. Pam Dawber has reached a milestone that Robin Williams will never reach - the age of 63 years and 22 days, which is a day older than when Williams died. But we have a more important milestone to discuss: Loser van Gaal ended his losing streak this morning after Juan Mata came off the bench and to the team's rescue as he fired Manchester United to a hard-fought 1-0 win over Crystal Palace at Old Trafford. The Spanish midfielder had only been on the field for a few minutes when his deflected strike squeezed between the Palace goalkeeper and the post, but his appearance was the ideal impact substitution on a day when United could not make superior possession count in front of goal. Four players received yellow cards.

Five miles down in the five boroughs

The 25-mile-per-hour (40 km/h) speed limit that went into effect in New York City yesterday did not slow a black Mercedes that blazed a path down the middle lane of Madison Avenue at a brisk 34 miles per hour (55 km/h) around 1pm Eastern Standard Time, nor did it deter the drivers of a tow truck going 32 (50 km/h) or a city bus lumbering along at 28 (45 km/h). Even a police car was spotted darting through traffic, though no emergency was apparent. In a city where any hint of open asphalt can take the edge off a day mired in traffic, the dawn of a new speed limit did not change much. Cluttered roads still seemed to dictate speed far more than did the city’s new mandate, which dropped the default limit from 30 mph to 25. Way more interesting is this edit I recently made to the Wiktionary definition of love:

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: St Vincent

Best. Movie. Ever. Need I say more?

Android Lollipop, you make my battery's power go

On Monday, Google announced the launch of Android 5.0 Lollipop. The company is known for its gradual roll-outs, but with no Nexus 4, 5, 7, or 9 yet to update the frustration has been growing. Now we know why: Lollipop has problems. Android Police got wind earlier today that a WiFi bug in the final build of Lollipop is dramatically impacting battery life. This was backed up by mass reports of the problem in the official Android Developer Forum which were quickly fused into a single thread that is now over 800 posts long. Google Android Senior Developer Trevor Johns ultimately chimed in confirming that “Android Engineering is aware of an issue affecting Nexus 5 users running Android 5.0 which causes significant 'Miscellaneous' battery usage while WiFi is enabled. This appears to be caused by an abnormally high number of IRQ wakeup events. We are continuing to investigate this issue.” Johns’ welcome candor confirms Google doesn’t yet have a fix for the bug and the many uploaded screenshots to the thread (some samples above) show “significant” is an apt description with Nexus 5 testers showing a full battery is lasting 4 hours or less. Other testers have noted that disabling WiFi eliminates the problem, but this is hardly a practical solution for a mass roll out. Furthermore it flies in the face of what Google is trying to achieve with Lollipop and its ‘Project Volta’ scheme which aims to dramatically increase battery life. Until they fix the problems with the battery, my advice would be to switch to a phone with iOS - just remember if it's not an Apple, it's crapple.

1700 POSTS!

A Riverside County, California woman has been charged for allegedly scamming dozens of Facebook friends with a fake cancer diagnosis. Cristina Lagman posted her story on her Facebook page, saying she was dying of terminal cancer and was facing financial hardship. But Murrieta police call her story a fraud. Valerie Cortes of Murrieta and her fiance say they were duped; they contributed time and money to Lagman - "gift cards for dinners and movies and spa treatments to make the last of her days more comfortable and happier" - and they even helped organize a fundraiser at a local comedy club in Murrieta. "Cristina was happy, frolicking around, drinking quite a bit, passing donation bags around, and I thought her behavior was odd since she had said she only had four to six weeks of life left," Cortes said. During the event, the comedy club owner, Rocky Osborne, said Lagman called on her friends to say nice things about her. "The strangest thing was, as I looked around, most the people that she knew didn't really even know her. So the people that were here had only known her for 30 to 60 days," Osborne said. But her story truly unraveled when Cortes offered to take her to a doctor to confirm the diagnosis because people were questioning Lagman. "She had no proof. I asked her to show me a prescription bottle, a doctor's visit, paperwork, something," Cortes said. But according to investigators, Lagman told them she had a laundry list of cancers and had been treated at a number of hospitals including Loma Linda University Medical Center and UCLA Medical Center. Investigators say they found no medical records anywhere for cancer treatment. "I am angry with her. I am disgusted by her. She has caused our community to doubt when people say they've got cancer and need help," Cortes said. I too would be angry and disgusted. Pretending to have cancer is one of the worst things one can do. It may not be as scary as when some bellend on a flight to the Dominican Republic last month pretended to have Ebola, but by conning her community out of their hard-earned cash, Lagman has become cancer and as a result, she has been charged with theft by false pretenses. Investigators believe she may have taken more than US$3,000 in gifts and donations collected on a GoFundMe site. She is expected back in court next month.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Dismantling a perfectly good memorial

A memorial to Apple Inc founder Steve Jobs has been dismantled in St Petersburg after the man who succeeded him at the helm of the company, Tim Cook, came out as gay. The 2-metre-high monument, in the shape of an iPhone, was erected outside a St Petersburg college last January by a Russian group of companies called ZEFS. Citing the need to abide by a law combating "gay propaganda", ZEFS said in a statement on Monday that the memorial had been removed on Friday - the day after Apple CEO Cook had announced he was homosexual. "In Russia, gay propaganda and other sexual perversions among minors are prohibited by law," ZEFS said, noting that the memorial had been "in an area of direct access for young students and scholars". "After Apple CEO Tim Cook publicly called for sodomy, the monument was taken down to abide to the Russian federal law protecting children from information promoting denial of traditional family values." That law is stupid, and besides the fact that Cook prefers cock (excuse the pun), a statue of an iPhone is hardly considered to be gay propaganda. It is a useful device which has games, office applications, an alarm clock, a web browser, a camera, basically whatever crap you want to put on it. And Steve Jobs, who died in 2011, was not gay.

Ten-man Reds lose derby

It was City who earned the bragging rights in the 168th Manchester derby this morning – through Sergio Aguero’s second-half winner - despite the best efforts of ten-man United at the Etihad Stadium. The Reds were forced to play over half the game with one man less than the Blues after Chris Smalling was dismissed for two bookable offences. Aguero netted the vital strike just after the hour but United made it a real battle for the hosts in spite of the numerical disadvantage. But even so, a loss is a loss, and is counted as such in the league table. Loser van Gaal seriously needs to pull his weight if the Reds are to stay in the Premiership, let alone make it to the Champions League, next season.

Here comes the jail time

By the big smiles, warm hugs, and loud cries of ululation, the video seems to show a joyous celebration. An Egyptian prosecutor looked at the same footage and saw something very different: a "satanic ceremony" with images that are "shameful, regrettable, and anger God." The men convicted were shown appearing to take part in a Nile boat wedding celebration featuring two men as the celebrants. The video went viral on social media sites. A man who said he was one of those who appeared in the video denied the allegations in a televised interview in early September. He said he was holding a birthday party for his friend and got him a silver ring as a birthday gift. That sounds logical, but people shouldn't have to make such excuses for behaviour which is tolerated in more civilised societies. Being gay doesn't make you any less of a human being. Remember this, people:

#suedlines #everybodyincourt

Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams have lost the primary round of their legal battle against Marvin Gaye’s estate over “Blurred Lines,” according to The L.A. Times. The pair, who worked together on the 2013 hit, filed the suit earlier this year upon receiving accusations from Gaye’s family that parts of “Got to Give It Up” had been copied. Gaye’s family responded with a countersuit. U.S. District Judge John Kronstadt has denied Thicke and Williams’ motion for summary judgment. His ruling found similarities between the bass lines, keyboard parts, vocal lines, melodies, and harmonies of the two songs, meaning there is enough evidence to move forward with the Gaye family’s claim. A trial is scheduled to take place in three months, but seriously, I don't care. But if Thicke and Pharrell were to marry, the former could change his name to Robin Williams.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Fury

This movie was one of the best war films ever put out. And now that I've finished with the movie review, the Bellend of the Month for October 2014 is Michael Zehaf-Bibeau, the armed attacker who shot and fatally wounded a Canadian Forces member at the National War Memorial before being shot dead in Parliament's Centre Block. The slain soldier is Corporal Nathan Cirillo, a reservist from Hamilton. Moments after Cirillo was shot at his post by the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, MPs and other witnesses reported 30 to 50 shots fired inside the main Parliament building. It was confirmed later that the gunman was shot dead inside the building, and it serves him right. People shouldn't be firing shots all over the place. Remember the Aurora shootings in July 2012? The gunman, James Eagan Holmes, faces the death penalty for his idiocy.

They've beaten the Royals (Royals)

3-2 in game seven
The Giants did it yet again
Their third title in five short years
They are the rulers (rulers)
Kings of the MLB
The Giants, they rule (they rule, they rule, they rule)
Kansas City sucks big time

That's right, people. Madison Bumgarner punctuated one of the finest World Series performances in baseball history by pitching the San Francisco Giants to their third title in five years with a 3-2 win over the Kansas City Royals in Game 7 on Wednesday night. The big left-hander came out of the bullpen to throw five scoreless innings on two days' rest, saving a Series pushed to the limit. And by winning Game 7 on the road, Bumgarner and the Giants succeeded where no team had in 3-1/2 decades. But enough about that because a new study reports that drinking lots of milk could be bad for your health. Previous research has shown that the calcium in milk can help strengthen bones and prevent osteoporosis. These benefits to bone health have led U.S. health officials to recommend milk as part of a healthy diet. But this new study found that drinking large amounts of milk did not protect men or women from bone fractures, and was linked to an overall higher risk of death during the study period. Bollocks. You can never have too much milk.

Can't Slow Data

Three years ago, AT&T warned smartphone customers with “unlimited” data plans that their connections might be slowed if they used a lot of data. Now, the Federal Trade Commission has said AT&T’s disclosure was deceptive because it was not specific enough. To that end, the commission filed a federal lawsuit, saying the company had misled customers by slowing the connections of people with unlimited plans after they used more than 2 gigabytes of data in a month. For some people who hit that threshold, downloads were slowed as much as 95 percent, essentially making their smartphones unable to access the Internet or use certain apps. The issue here is this: AT&T promised its customers unlimited data, and in many instances it has failed to deliver on that promise. As defined in the Oxford Dictionary, unlimited means "not limited or restricted in terms of number, quantity, or extent". Same goes for plans advertised as all-you-can-eat. And for any other telco thinking of copying AT&T's crap, just remember that the FTC is not the only agency to take an interest in the practice of slowing data speeds, often called throttling. In July, Tom Wheeler, chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, warned Verizon after it said it would slow data speeds of customers with unlimited data plans after they reached a certain usage level each month. Verizon subsequently abandoned the plan.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Settling for another draw

Robin van Persie’s injury-time equaliser, the answer to Didier Drogba’s headed goal early in the second half, rescued a point for Manchester United after Chelsea had been reduced to 10 men late on in a gripping encounter yesterday morning at Old Trafford. The captain smashed the ball home in the 94th minute, just after Branislav Ivanovic had given away a free kick and been sent off for his second bookable offence. Angel Di Maria’s set-piece allowed Marouane Fellaini a header which Thibaut Courtois saved, only for van Persie to drill the rebound emphatically home. But remember, it takes more than just one goal to win a game. Manchester United have now slipped to eighth place, which is worse than where they finished last season. Loser van Gaal had better prove himself this season otherwise he risks getting sacked.

The pig won't McFly in time... or will it?

Do you remember exactly what was so cool about Back To The Future II? No, it wasn't so much the large flat screen TVs or the self-lacing shoes. For many fans of the movie trilogy back in the 1980s, it was the hoverboard - the "skateboard" without wheels. Thanks to engineers at Hendo, a Silicon Valley company, that dream of owning a hoverboard is now so much closer. The company aims to deliver the first production hoverboards to its backers on Kickstarter at an event on Oct 21, 2015 - the date that Marty McFly went to in his journey to the future. However, the company have avoided linking their creation directly to the movie to avoid any legal issues. And they haven't worked out all the kinks yet - it currently works only on a metal surface, and it only takes you an inch off the ground. If they want it working just like the one in the movie, they have an uphill battle to fight over the coming year.

11. Thou shalt not drive thy car into the monument

Federal authorities have detained a man who they say admitted to driving a car into a disputed Ten Commandments monument outside the Oklahoma Capitol building, smashing it to pieces. U.S. Secret Service agent David Allison says the man was detained on Friday after he showed up at a federal building in Oklahoma City, rambling and making derogatory statements about the president. Allison says the man admitted to destroying the monument and claimed Satan told him to do it. The 6-foot-tall monument was erected in 2012 with the blessing of Oklahoma’s conservative Legislature. The American Civil Liberties Union of Oklahoma has been suing to have it removed, and they should because having a religious monument outside a government building goes against the separation of church and state. And besides, the Ten Commandments are numbered differently in some churches - for instance, Catholics and Lutherans lump the prohibitions on other gods and idolatry into one and split the prohibition on coveting into two commandments, whilst other churches have separate commandments for the prohibitions on other gods and idolatry and just one commandment starting with thou shalt not covet - so the numbers will have probably needed to be left off if they want to include all Christians.

And Oscar makes two

My nephew, Oscar Thomas Rees (picture 1), was born at 3:06am (New Zealand Daylight Time) on Thursday, weighing in at 7lb 7oz. Picture 2 is Oscar cuddled with his mother and his big sister Hazel. But enough about that because the authorities in Mali have confirmed the death of the country’s first Ebola patient - a two-year-old girl whose mother died in Guinea a few weeks ago. The World Health Organisation (WHO) has said the child had travelled by a bus from Guinea through Mali, where she was to stay with relatives, and showed symptoms of the disease. Over 40 people known to have come into contact with her have been quarantined. The child’s symptomatic state during the bus journey is especially concerning, as it presented multiple opportunities for exposures, including high-risk exposures, involving many people.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: This Is Where I Leave You

This is one of those films that I enjoyed, but the critics don't all feel the same way. On Rotten Tomatoes, the film holds a rating of 44%, based on 117 reviews, with an average rating of 5.6/10. The site's consensus reads, "This Is Where I Leave You has its moments, but given the amount of talent assembled onscreen, the rather pedestrian results can't help but feel like a letdown." On Metacritic, the film has a score of 44 out of 100, based on 39 critics, indicating "mixed or average reviews". Salis Afaque of Salis Magazine gave the film 2.5 stars. But screw them. You guys should go see this and make up your own minds. And this is where I leave tonight's film review.

Guess who's back, back again? Camera Roll's back, tell a friend!

Apple users can now download the latest version of iOS 8, and with it comes a handful of new features, including Apple Pay, iCloud Photo Library, device continuity (accessing whatever you need on every device), and the return of the Camera Roll. iOS 8.1 comes just a few weeks after the launch of the first iteration of iOS 8 for iPhones and iPads, as well as the aborted release of iOS 8.0.1, the update that locked cellular service and Touch ID functionality for many iPhone users before it was quickly pulled. To get the update now, visit Settings > General > Software Update on your iOS device. While the update requires you to be connected to Wi-Fi for it to be installed, the good news is that it's only 126MB to download — much less than the 5.7GB needed to get iOS 8. This means you won't have to delete apps and photos to get the latest software. Although iOS 8.1 is now available, you might consider holding off just a bit, in case there are any major glitches with the update. Early adopters of the botched iOS 8.0.1 will likely proceed with caution this time around, but you should update if your iDevice is compatible. It will be worth it.

iBend becomes iFire

First Bendgate, now this - a man says he was in Arizona when his brand new iPhone 6 ignited in his jeans – causing second-degree burns. He had to throw ice water on the phone to stop the searing heat. The video, which was put on YouTube, has gone viral. In the background, you can hear witnesses ask if he's OK. It apparently happened when the rickshaw he was riding in tipped over. It's a scary incident for the man, who was with his wife and kids, and many people are wondering if iPhone 6 users should be concerned. The answer: Yes and no. First and foremost, there's nothing that makes the iPhone 6 more susceptible to this than any other smartphone, but cases like this do happen. However, there is some small concern – and several cases – for exploding phones. It all has to do with the lithium batteries inside these newer smartphones. Just don't overheat, overcharge, or apply too much pressure. To see the iPhone on fire, click here.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Not going for all three points

Marouane Fellaini and Daley Blind both scored their first goals for Manchester United this morning to earn the Reds a dramatic 2-2 draw at The Hawthorns. Strikes from West Bromwich Albion's Stephane Sessegnon and Saido Berahino had earned the Baggies slender leads in each half, though the visitors showed great courage and tenacity to twice restore parity and earn a much-deserved away point in the Barclays Premier League, not to mention two of the three yellow cards. This is not good enough. One point isn't going to bring Manchester United back to the glory of the Sir Alex days. They are already behind as it is.

One SIM to fit them all

New Apple iPads allow users to choose between data plans offered by different cellular carriers without having to obtain a separate SIM from each. But that's only the beginning as embedded SIMs like the new Apple SIM have the potential to change the way all devices connect to cellular networks. The new iPad Air 2 may be thinner and faster than its predecessor, but the introduction of Apple's own SIM card is the improvement users should be the happiest about. The so-called Apple SIM lets users choose from short-term plans from carriers in the U.S. and U.K. right on the cellular versions of the iPad Air 2 and mini 3. So whenever you need it, you can choose the plan that works best for you - with no long-term commitments. And if the SIM takes off on a larger scale, that and support for 20 LTE frequency bands will make the iPads near-perfect travel companions. But until then, you'll still need SIM cards, and you'll need to make sure you have the right size for your phone or tablet.

So the FCC lets 5G be

Time marches on, and so does technology: the Federal Communications Division is in the final steps to begin developing deployment methods for fifth generation wireless services. 5G wireless is not as much a pipe dream as it might sound, as the five-member executive board of the FCC has agreed to move forward on research into 5G wireless deployment research. The crux of the matter involves investigating methods for broadcasting at 24 Ghz or higher frequencies and how to license the technology, and there are still many hoops that need to be jumped through before the first forays into 5G deployment, which is estimated to occur first on a trial basis in 2018 and a broader rollout in 2020. Research into high-speed data transfer in the 28 Ghz range has already been conducted by Korean electronics manufacturer Samsung, which yielded speeds of 7.5 Gbps in stationary locations and 1.2 Gbps in moving vehicles; this is far and above the theoretical 300 Mbps top speed of LTE and the 1 Gbps upward limit of the current 902.11ac Wi-Fi standard. 5G is looking to be a huge step up from 4G, but enough about that because a group of scientists led by Dr. Radoslaw Poleski of Ohio State University and Warsaw University Observatory of Poland discovered an ice giant planet that looks like Uranus (the planet, not the body part). The extrasolar thing is about 25,000 light years away from Earth, and its inhabitants (if there are any) won't be getting 5G services anytime soon.

The best OS for your machine just got better

Apple’s latest OS X version, Yosemite, is ready for download, but simply installing the system is only the first step in a very interesting journey. Apple has made significant changes across OS X, improving the Safari browser, Notifications Center, Spotlight searching, and even how the desktop finds synergy with iOS devices. For instance, Yosemite has been built from the ground up to support Retina displays like the one deployed on the new iMac. As such, the new OS is chock-full of new visual optimizations, including a new font, translucency effects, and interface tweaks that advance the OS X design language. And then there's Handoff, a feature that lets you launch an app on one device (say, your Mac), and then “hand off” that activity to another device (your iPhone or iPad). It’s enabled in Mail, Messages, Maps, and a host of other apps. An don't forget Spotlight, which started as a relatively simple system search tool, but in Yosemite, it’s a full-fledged Internet crawler that can not only rifle through your OS, but also the web, Wikipedia, news headlines, maps, Bing, the App Store, iTunes, and even movie show times. But more so than any other built-in app, the Safari browser has probably changed the most in the update from Mavericks to Yosemite. So go download it. Even if you don't have a Mac, buy one and if it doesn't already have Yosemite installed, download it.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Annabelle

As creepy as the genre gets. To find out just how creepy, go see it.

Guess who's back, back again? Leno's back, tell a friend!

Jay Leno devastated many of his fans when he waved goodbye to his beloved Tonight Show after 22 years in February, but the TV host is making a dramatic return to the small screen with a brand new show all about his love of cars, which is due to take a primetime slot. That's right, world. Get ready for the crap. It has been confirmed that the 62-year-old will front a show titled Jay Leno’s Garage, based on his Emmy-winning series, and it will mark a new direction for the comedian as it’ll explore his passion with cars and will cater to everyone with topics including collector’s items and investments. Confirming the new series which will air on CNBC in 2015, Leno said in a statement: "This show will be about anything that rolls, explodes, and makes noise. We hope to highlight the passion and the stories behind the men and women who made the automobile the greatest invention of the 20th century.”

Five-digit theft, zero-second jail term

A Dunedin woman has avoided a prison sentence for systematically stealing almost NZ$23,000 from her employer over a 10-month period. Sandra Joy Kennedy was, until March this year, an accounts assistant at Dunedin-based PS Marketing South Island Ltd. Between May 2013 and March 17, she cashed 44 company cheques without authority, in the process fabricating letters from customers about returning products and asking for refunds. By this method, she stole just under $23,000 from her employer, going as far as accessing the company's computer accounting system to change spreadsheets to hide what she had done. Anomalies were noticed in the system in March and inquiries led to Kennedy being arrested and charged. She pleaded guilty in the Dunedin District Court in August to charges of causing a $22,978 loss to PS Marketing by deception and directly accessing the company's computer accounting system, thereby causing a loss. Naturally, the company owner was devastated by what Kennedy had done and the huge breach of trust involved, and the victim was upset the defendant had lied and other employees had been placed under suspicion. A second person in the company was upset, not only about the actual loss, but about the amount of time spent trying to work out what had happened. That victim expressed disbelief and anger about what Kennedy had done and sorrow for the other employees who had been lied to. The aggravating factors in this are the premeditation and reasonably lengthy time involved, the significant amount stolen with little prospect of repayment, the substantial breach of trust, and the effect on the owners of the business, not to mention Kennedy's previous convictions for dishonesty. Even with all that in mind, she was lucky to avoid jail time. Instead, Kennedy was sentenced to concurrent terms of six months' home detention with special conditions, 200 hours' community work, and reparation of $22,978. And you wonder why crime is such a problem all over the world.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Being too old for Facebook

And no, I don't mean parents. I mean a 114-year-old woman named Anna Stoehr. Anyone can lie about his or her age on the Internet, but Stoehr actually had to, if she were to join her friends and family on Facebook. Stoehr is the oldest living person in Minnesota, and celebrated her 114th birthday on Sunday. She recently befriended Verizon sales representative Joseph Ramireza, a Verizon sales representative who sold an iPhone to Stoehr's 85-year-old son. Ramireza was so impressed with Anna that he made the 2-hour drive from the Twin Cities to Plainview, where Anna currently resides in a nursing home, to teach her how to email, search for things on Google, use Apple's FaceTime video chat, and join Facebook, the last of which didn't prove easy for Stoehr, though she can blame Zuckerberg and co. for that. Facebook only lets you use dates later than 1905 as your date of birth, and Stoehr was born in 1900. So she did what many people do on the Internet, and lied about her age. Hence, Stoehr's Facebook friends were notified that she turned 99 (meaning she took ten more years off her "age" than she had to) on Sunday. I've heard of inconveniences but this one is just stupid and unnecessary. Just because Facebook is aimed at newer, digital generations doesn't mean that the very old should be shut out.

Blade Runner to run back to court

What kind of sentence will Oscar Pistorius get for killing girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp? South African judge Thokozile Masipa will have wide latitude in deciding the sentence after several days of legal arguments and testimony that begun today (local time). Last month she convicted the double-amputee runner of culpable homicide, or negligent killing. Sentences for such a crime can range from a suspended sentence and a fine to as many as 15 years in prison, and South African lawyers vary widely in predictions as to what sentence Pistorius will get. Some say he is unlikely to go to jail because defence lawyers will successfully argue that the athlete is a first-time offender with a disability that would subject him to particular hardship in prison, while others anticipate that Pistorius will be sentenced to some prison time because of the severity of his crime. But whatever route is taken, there are many factors both mitigating and aggravating that make it difficult to tell which way the judge will go on this one, and people in New Zealand can rest assured they won't have to wait seven months for news of the verdict like with the episode of The Crazy Ones with Pam Dawber in it - that will air in New Zealand the same day Microsoft plans to cut off Skype services to India. While Skype users in India will no longer be able call Indian landlines and mobiles from November 10, they will still be able to send SMS messages to mobiles from within India. Additionally, if they are travelling outside of India, users will be able to call on Indian landlines and mobiles from their Skype account. Microsoft says that there are no further changes and other services will continue as normal. Users will be able to make free Skype-to-Skype calls within India and outside, international Skype calls from India to landlines and mobiles in other countries, and more.

Poo to Mouth

Fecal transplants just got easier to swallow. The procedure, in which the bacteria from a healthy gut are implanted into an unhealthy one, has gotten a lot of buzz over the past year. But the treatment generally requires a colonoscopy — a procedure that's both uncomfortable and expensive. In a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, researchers report that the same success rate can be reached by processing the healthy excrement into capsules and administering the pills by mouth. That's right, people, there will soon be pills that are literally full of crap. The process starts the same way as usual: exceptionally healthy young people — those that pass all requirements for blood donation, as well as being screened for other health factors — provide stool samples, which are then blended with medical-grade saline and filtered. But instead of that uniform liquid being pumped into a patient, it's concentrated into a single capsule. Another layer of capsule goes on top, and the whole thing is kept frozen. A single treatment requires a gulp-worthy 30 pills — 15 on the first day and 15 on the second. But don't knock it: in a trial of 20 patients, it brought normal bowel health and function to 18 — which is the same rate of success seen in more invasive methods. Plus it's cheaper: the entire course is estimated to cost US$500 — one sixth the price of either a colonoscopy or a standard course of antibiotics. This begs the question: why didn't anybody think of shoving that crap down our throats (pun intended) sooner?

Ebola, Caribbean Style

A man on a flight that left Philadelphia for an island paradise triggered a caught-on-camera Ebola scare on his plane when he reportedly sneezed and said, "I have Ebola, you are all screwed." US Airways Flight 845 left Philadelphia en route to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, just after 10 a.m. Wednesday. When it arrived shortly after 1 p.m. local time, passengers were told to stay on the plane as crews in hazmat suits came onto the aircraft. The whole thing appeared to be a prank. US Air said the flight was checked, and vacationers were allowed to go on their way. “We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused, but the safety of our customers and employees is our first priority," the airline added. It wasn’t immediately clear whether the passenger, who according to reports had no history of travel to Ebola-stricken parts of West Africa, was charged, but he should be. Air travel is already scary enough what with pilot error, plane crashes, hijackings, bomb threats, losing your luggage, and the two Malaysian Airlines flights that went missing earlier this year. We do not need idiots like him ruining everyone's good time.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Dracula Untold

Not much to say about this one, except if you haven't seen it, you're really missing out.

Downey announcement a bit of a downer

Just as quickly as he got their hopes up, Robert Downey Jr. has dashed fans’ hopes for an Iron Man 4 movie, revealing that there are currently no plans for another installment despite claiming just hours before that he has been in negotiations with Marvel. The 49-year-old got everyone excited early on Tuesday when he told Ellen DeGeneres on her chat show that the studios have drawn up plans for a fourth Iron Man film and several other Marvel superhero flicks for the near future. He told the host: "I know there’s going to be a bunch more Marvel movies, and they have big ideas of how to do it best, and we’re in the middle of negotiations,” before confirming: “Ok, yes. Yes.” Hmm… It seems either Robert got his wires crossed or he received a furious phone call from Marvel after the interview as just hours later during his appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman, Rob did a complete u-turn on his previous comments, telling Dave that there will definitely not be another Iron Man film at all. "There's no plans for an Iron Man 4. It's a valid question why not. Like, it hasn't made enough money or something? Yeah, I guess they have too much money, or something,” he told Letterman. But it's not as big a shock as a 60-year-old man coming round from an operation to find that he had been circumcised without prior permission. That happened to a Scottish man named David Duffy, who has been given £2,000 in compensation from Glasgow Royal Infirmary following the incident, as well as a pretty red-faced apology from the hospital. He reportedly woke up to find 11 stitches where he once had foreskin and, understandably, wasn’t best pleased. He had actually been scheduled to have his penis straightened - and that procedure was, incidentally, successful. It was just the unwanted freebie that was the problem. Much as we’d love to rise above the cheap pun, what a cock-up.

7th Hell for cast of 7th Heaven

Not only is today my 26th birthday, it is also Matt Damon's 44th and Jesse Jackson's 73rd. It is not a very happy birthday, however, for the cast of 7th Heaven. Stephen Collins, whom fans of the show will know as minister Eric Camden, is being seen in a new light after TMZ obtained a sad and shocking audio tape featuring Collins discussing three instances of child molestation. Also, it has only just been reported that Sarah Goldberg, who also appeared on 7th Heaven, died on Sept. 27 of natural causes at the age of only 40; a heart ailment is suspected in the death. Her character, Sarah Glass Camden, was a rabbi’s daughter whose interreligious marriage to character Matt Camden, the son of Collins' character the Rev. Eric Camden, was a favorite plot line among fans.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Letting kids near drugs

Not emptying all the drugs from your old hand-me-downs before passing them on should also be up there, and a Delaware mother has just learnt that the hard way. Her 4-year-old daughter passed out packets of heroin she found in her mother's backpack to her day care mates, thinking they contained candy. Delaware State Police say the girl found the bags in a backpack her mother gave her to use after hers was ruined by a family pet. The pack contained 249 bags of heroin weighing 3.7 grams. Day care providers at the Hickory Tree Child Care Center in Selbyville called police when they noticed some children with the bags. None had been opened, but several children who came in contact with the bags were taken to area hospitals as a precautionary measure and were released after being examined. Because of that stupid mistake, the mother faces charges of maintaining a drug property and endangering the welfare of a child. Next time she'll be more careful and empty out all the drugs before passing on property, or better yet, not have any drugs stashed among said property in the first place.

Reds well and truly back on winning territory

Manchester United head into the latest international break on a high this morning after a second consecutive 2-1 home victory at Old Trafford, this time against Everton, a side that did the double over the Reds last season (and we all know that Moyes is to blame for the Reds losing both those games). New boys Angel Di Maria and Radamel Falcao grabbed the goals to overcome Steven Naismith's reply, but what really saved Loser van Gaal from losing was David De Gea saving a Leighton Baines penalty at the end of the first half. No yellow or red cards were shown, but what matters here is the three points, and they're going to need more three-pointers to at least qualify for the Europa League next season.

The Seized Art of Misappropriation

Artworks belonging to former Philippine first lady Imelda Marcos have been seized by authorities who claim they were acquired with stolen state funds. A small number of works were taken away from properties owned by the 85-year-old on the order of the courts. Pieces by Picasso, Gauguin, and other masters are thought to be in the possession of the family of the country's former dictator. Mrs Marcos lived a lavish lifestyle, possibly of the type known to fans of Ricky Martin as "la vida loca", during her husband's 21-year rule. She is best known, however, for amassing a huge collection of designer shoes during the family's tenure in power, but has never been imprisoned despite being charged with a number of crimes. This could be a good time for the courts to scrutinise her shoe collection and all the other expensive stuff in her possession, as there is a chance that those could've also been bought with misappropriated funds. Speaking of funds, Catholic priest Timothy Kane had a sexual relationship with a Michigan prison inmate, and embezzled money from the Archdiocese of Detroit's Angel Fund charity to get money for the inmate and his family, according to a confession the priest made after his arrest. Kane's confession was read on Thursday to a Wayne County Circuit Court jury by Detective Cory Williams, an investigator for the Wayne County Prosecutor's Office who arrested the priest at the St. Gregory the Great Catholic Church rectory in northwest Detroit eight months ago. His trial resumes next week.

And they're only just telling us about their baby now WHY?

Actors Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis gave birth to a baby girl on Tuesday. They named their daughter Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher. “Mila and I would like to welcome Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher to the world,” wrote Kutcher, on his website. “May your life be filled with wonder, love, laughter, health, happiness, curiosity, and privacy.” His announcement was then followed by six images of babies, one image of a dog, and one image of a llama. “Can you guess which one is ours, or does it really matter?” asked Kutcher in the same post. “All babies are cute.” What isn't cute, though, is the fact that Wyatt Isabelle will be growing up in a world without Robin Williams, and also the fact that TNT is cancelling the reboot of oil family saga Dallas, which wrapped leaving a myriad of loose ends on September 15. The sequel to CBS’s hit 1980s primetime soap, Dallas centered on the next generation of the Ewing clan, with original cast members Larry Hagman as J.R. and Patrick Duffy as younger brother Bobby reprising their roles.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: The Equalizer

One of Denzel Washington's best movies to date, but it would've worked with any black action star. And if the high-octane action in the movie is what the original TV series starring the late Edward Woodward has in store, then you should also check that out here.

Guess who's coming to DVD?

The passing of comedian Robin Williams on Aug. 11 sent many nostalgic fans looking back at his breakout role on "Mork & Mindy," and now they can do so on their television sets. CBS Home Entertainment and Paramount Home Media partnered to release "Mork & Mindy: The Complete Series" (box art pictured) on DVD for the first time. The DVD boxed set will be released on Dec. 9 in time for Christmas. The 15-disc DVD collection includes all 95 episodes, and will run consumers US$129.99. Meanwhile, "Mork & Mindy" Season 4 will be released on DVD for the first time Dec. 9 as well, and cost US$39.99. The Season 4 DVD set will include two "Happy Days" episodes featuring Mork. "The manic brilliance of Robin Williams was a gift that the world enjoyed for nearly 40 years," CBS Home Entertainment president Ken Ross says in a statement. "We hope this commemoration of one of our first glimpses into that genius can be a significant part of the many tributes to his legacy." Maybe a box set of all of Robin's movies will be next on the cards.

Go straight to 10

Microsoft wants to give back to customers the Windows they loved, so the company offered the first public peek at the next version of its flagship operating system, acknowledging that the current version veered off course and pledging to give users a voice in the development of its most famous product. The new version will be called "Windows 10," skipping a number in the company's established product-naming convention (this move is not without precedent - they skipped 91 numbers when going from Windows 3.1 to Windows 95, then two more when going from Windows 95 to Windows 98). The current version, released two years ago, is called Windows 8. Executives implied the new name symbolized a major advance. At a press event in San Francisco, Microsoft showed preliminary new features including ways to switch more easily from one computing task to another, or work in multiple applications—such as email, Web browser and Excel spreadsheet—simultaneously on one screen. The Windows "Start" menu also is getting a makeover, making it possible to search for and select desktop programs, small apps, and websites in one spot. But as long as Mac OS X is ahead of its game, I don't care about Windows.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Shoving eggs in butts

The co-Bellends of the Month for September 2014 are Nathan Smith and his half brother Daniel Yeates. They are the two men charged in the death of Phillip Coombs, who was found with a shaved head, his left eyebrow missing, obscene writing on his head, and two hard-boiled eggs up his butt. It may sound funny, but it's not because a) Coombs died, and b) Smith and Yeates are facing charges of sexual assault by penetration and assault causing bodily harm in the January death of Coombs. The court in Bristol heard alcoholic Coombs passed out at Yeates' house after a bout of heavy drinking and taking drugs. It was then that Coombs was "subjected to a series of degrading acts, which included shaving his head, his left eyebrow, pubic hair; writing with pen on his head, cutting his right buttock, and then inserting two hard-boiled eggs into his anus," prosecutor Sarah Regan was quoted telling the court. It is important to note the accused men are not charged with Coombs' death, just the degrading abuse he suffered in what appears to be a drunken prank. And one must remember that it's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.

Yellow, meet yellow

That's right, people - on the back of Krusty's father dying and Family Guy visiting Springfield, The Simpsons will soon begin streaming in China, as part of a new multi-year deal between Fox and Sohu, a minor colossus in the competitive world of Chinese Web portals. While more popular sites like Baidu and Sina Weibo have won over young users by investing in gaming and social networking, Sohu, an early pioneer on the Chinese Internet, has turned to streaming video. Partnerships with Hollywood have proved to be an effective, though scattershot, way of attracting traffic: if you license four hundred movies and TV series at once, and dump them behind a very modest paywall, some are bound to find an audience. Even a show as exotic to the typical Chinese teenager as Gossip Girl can be assured tens of thousands of devoted viewers. So look around the web - you can always find something just as good.

West Ham hammed at the hands of LVG

Wayne Rooney scored and was red-carded as Manchester United secured a hard-earned 2-1 triumph over West Ham at Old Trafford. Rooney and Robin van Persie gave the Reds a commanding early lead but Diafra Sakho's effort, also before the break, made for a nervous second half, exacerbated by the decision to send off the home skipper with around half an hour still to go. Other than the red card, there were no other cards shown, but at least Loser van Gaal didn't lose again. It remains to be seen, though, whether a Dutchman can be a viable replacement for Sir Alex, and if not, the club can always fire him late in the season like they did with Moyes.

Canes Ahoy!

Lawmakers in the conservative Muslim Indonesian province of Aceh have passed a law that punishes gay sex by public caning and subjects non-Muslims to the region's strict interpretation of Islamic sharia law. Human rights groups have said the law violates international treaties signed by Indonesia protecting the rights of minorities and women. Gay rights activist King Oey urged the central government's new moderate leadership to use its influence to overturn the law, or appeal it at the Constitutional Court. "It's discriminatory and saddening," he said. "We urge people who are concerned with human rights will not sit by silently." The measure was passed by the 69-member assembly unanimously this morning (their time) after hours of debate, just days before a new 81-member regional parliament takes over next week, said lawmaker Mahyaruddin Yusuf from the Islamic-based Prosperous Justice Party. The law says anal sex between men is punishable by up to 100 lashes of the cane. Women found guilty of "rubbing" their body parts against each other for sexual pleasure are also liable for caning. That's right, caning - over something one doesn't choose. It's a violation of their right to be different, and besides, there is the chance they may enjoy it (or so the stereotype goes). And besides, people convicted of adultery, gambling, and consuming alcohol already face caning, as do women wearing tight clothes and people who skip Friday Muslim prayers.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

It was as good as they said it would be. Seriously, people, go see it. Like, right now.

The cast just keeps getting bigger

Today saw the announcement that Liam Neeson and John Slattery would be in the Ted sequel. Unlike Morgan Freeman's part, which was revealed two weeks ago as a famous civil rights attorney that Ted will seek legal advice from, their parts are unknown. Freeman two weeks ago, Dennis Haysbert one week ago, and Neeson just now. Every week this film gets more actors. So far, Ted 2 features the return of a number of the original cast (Mark Wahlberg, Jessica Barth, Patrick Warburton, and maybe Mila Kunis in a limited role), people recruited from Seth MacFarlane's other movie A Million Ways to Die in the West (Neeson and Amanda Seyfried), and some newcomers (Slattery, Michael Dorn, and Richard Schiff). The weird thing about this is by the end of the year, dead people could be announcing their cameos. Maybe I'm just exaggerating, but this could be the only 2015 release to feature Marlon Brando, the original Lassie, and the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz. If that happens, then Robin Williams could possibly come back from the dead for a cameo.

Fighting feminism with fire

Harry Potter star Emma Watson gave a speech at the United Nations urging men to join the fight for gender equality. Hackers have threatened to leak nude photos of the actress who stood up for a social cause. According to media reports, the 4chan website page which leaked nude celebrity pictures few days prior shows a countdown which says that images of the Harry Potter star would hit the internet in about four days. Late last night, under a photo of a weeping Watson and a countdown clock that had ticked down to zero, a message read, “We will launch earlier, tune in on September 24, 2014”. The user also posted “Watson makes stupid feminist speeches at UN, and now her nudes will be online, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH,” claiming that it is really going to happen and added, “feminist bitch was going to show the world she was as much of a whore as any woman,” media reported. That's not cool. Just because you don't agree with someone else's views doesn't give you the right to act like such a bellend. And besides, men should join the fight for gender equality.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Waiting for good shows to air in your country

Seriously, people, it's not worth it. Remember when Pam Dawber was on The Crazy Ones? I was brave enough to jump the queue, download it from The Pirate Bay, watch it, and review it here (click here to read it, but beware - it's combined with the Friday Film Beat for Noah) within just hours of it airing in the States instead of waiting seven long months for it to air in New Zealand like a chump. I am doing the same for Fox's new superhero series Gotham. A review of episode one will be posted here as soon as possible once I've watched it.

UPDATE: Here's the review I promised you - It. Was. Awesome. Just one episode in and I'm already hooked. It has only been 12 hours since it started on the East Coast and I'm already one of the first in New Zealand to have seen such a masterpiece. Can't wait for next week's episode.

LVG back to losing ways

Manchester United twice threw away a two-goal lead over Leicester City this morning to slip to a 5-3 defeat at King Power Stadium. Robin van Persie and Angel Di Maria put the Reds ahead within the first 16 minutes, before Leonardo Ulloa pulled one back almost immediately. Ander Herrera made it 3-1 early in the second half, but a controversial penalty, converted by David Nugent, sparked an astonishing turnaround. Esteban Cambiasso, Jamie Vardy, and an Ulloa spot-kick condemned United to a defeat that seemed almost impossible when Herrera had scored. Loser van Gaal made one change to the side that had eased to victory over QPR, handing Radamel Falcao his first start in place of Juan Mata. Not only did the Reds lose and one person per side get shown a yellow card, an afternoon to forget was sealed when Tyler Blackett fouled Vardy, earning a straight red card before Ulloa converted the spot-kick to confirm Leicester's victory.

Bitcoin headed for the pits

While many venture capitalists remain enthusiastic about the crypto-currency, this has not been a good season for Bitcoin. Since reaching a July high of nearly US$650, the price of Bitcoin has been on a steady decline. On Friday, it dropped below US$400. Why? It's called the burst of a bubble. All other such bubbles will one day burst. And speaking of burst, an accountant's face was "burst open" after an ex-colleage kicked him "full force" in the face in a pitch assault during a football match between friends. John Ryan, also an accountant, injured Connor Gaffney after the pair fought over a disputed tackle during the five-a-side game, which happened at the ESB Sports Co, South Lotts Road, Ringsend on 6 September 2013. Mr Gaffney told Dublin District Court his face was "burst open" after Mr Ryan aimed a "running kick" at him during the scuffle. Other players described the dispute as "handbags" before Mr Ryan lost his temper and kicked Mr Gaffney. Mr Ryan denied assaulting Mr Gaffney, saying he did not kick him deliberately and any contact that was made was in self defence as the victim punched him. Judge Bryan Smyth refused to accept the kick was accidental. He found Mr Ryan guilty of assault causing harm to Mr Gaffney and adjourned the case for a restorative justice programme report.

All caped up and no place to go

Supergirl now has a home. That's right, people of Earth - CBS has landed the high-profile DC Comics adaptation, handing out a hefty series commitment. The hourlong drama, taken out last week, centers on Kara Zor-El, Superman's cousin, who was born on the planet Krypton and escaped amid its destruction years ago. Since arriving on Earth, she has been hiding the powers she shares with her famous cousin. But now at age 24, she decides to embrace her superhuman abilities and be the hero she was always meant to be. The Supergirl pickup also means all five of the broadcast networks could have superhero-themed series on the air next season, with DC properties on four of the five. Fox on Monday launches its highly anticipated Batman prequel Gotham — which like Supergirl started with a series commitment; NBC has Hellblazer and Constantine due in October; CW has Flash and Arrow; and ABC, via Disney's deal with Marvel, has Agents of SHIELD and bridge series Agent Carter. For its part, Netflix also has four Marvel series and a mini, starting with Daredevil, but for Americans stuck with the Big Five, assuming at least one superhero show per network is renewed for 2015-16, there will no escaping the capes come next fall no matter which network your TV is tuned into (unless, of course, you plan your viewing in such a way that not one second of the superhero goodness pollutes your screen). And for you guys living elsewhere, you will have to either wait for them to air in your country (case in point: the episode of The Crazy Ones which guest-starred Pam Dawber still hasn't aired in New Zealand yet and isn't scheduled to do so until the 10th of November, which is exactly seven months after its original air date in the States) or download them off The Pirate Bay minutes after original broadcast like I'm going to do with Gotham and Agents of SHIELD this season.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: The Giver

Before we start our weekly film review, let's discuss t' referendum in Scotland. T' votes be in and it's lookin' t' be a no result for t' question "Should Scotland be an independent country?"

Now onto t' film review. This week, it be T' Giver. Based on t' 1993 novel by Lois Lowry, T' Giver be set in a society which be at first presented as utopian then gradually appear more and more dystopian. On Rotten Tomatoes, t' film holds a ratin' o' 33%, based on 114 reviews, with an average ratin' o' 5.3/10. T' consensus states: "Phillip Noyce directs T' Giver with visual grace, but t' movie doesn't dig deep enough into t' classic source material's thought-provokin' ideas." On Metacritic, t' film holds a score o' 47 out o' 100, based on 33 critics, indicatin' "mixed or average reviews." Richard Roeper gave t' film a "C", statin' that “t' magic [of t' novel] gets lost in translation”, but that t' film had its heart in t' starboard place. But don't let such mixed reviews fool ye. Ye should go see it an' make up ye own mind.

iOS 8 has finally arrived

While the people of Scotland are busy voting on whether or not to end a union with England dating back to 1707, Apple have released the latest version of its mobile operating system for iPhone and iPad users. Some new features include support for third-party keyboards (such as Swype), Touch ID for third-party apps, and new widgets for quick app alerts in the notification center. iOS 8 is compatible with any iPhone that's 4S or later, the fifth-generation iPod Touch, or any iPad released from the second generation on. Some features are specific to the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus, including Apple Pay. The mobile payments service, which works with the NFC chip in the new iPhones, will launch through an iOS 8 update for the 6 and 6 Plus in October. If your iDevice is compatible, you can download the software now by going to the settings app (Settings > General > Software Update) or by plugging your device into iTunes. Apple will also be shipping iOS 8 on its new iPhones, the 6 and 6 Plus. But don't count on an app called MiQueue to deduce which store will get your new iPhone the fastest because Apple has barred it from its App Store. MiQueue is the handicraft of a San Francisco startup called Miego Apps that crowdsources the dissemination of iPhone 6 line wait times so that people could choose where to go to buy Apple's latest smart phone. The app was designed to work by letting anyone waiting in line at an Apple Store share the wait time for buying an iPhone 6 or 6 Plus. That information would then be fed to other MiQueue users.

Droppin' the 'droid the Apple way

Apple releases iOS 8 tomorrow, and its next generation of iPhone later this week. With the new models approaching larger Android phones in terms of screen size, the company appears to be expecting a lot of people will make the switch from Samsung, HTC, and other devices to its iPhone. To that end, it's provided a guide to moving all your stuff from Android to iOS. The guide explains how new users can transfer their photos, music, documents, contacts, and calendars from their old device to their new one. It says users can utilize iTunes and iCloud to move information over, but the guide shows that Apple hasn't spent a lot of time making tools for moving data between operating systems. The company calls out a set of third-party apps of questionable quality — including AT&T's Mobile Transfer — as one of the best options for transferring data between devices. It's also not particularly useful in helping you continue to use your favorite apps: Apple says you'll "probably" find the ones you like, but you'll need to head to the App Store and dig them out yourself. To see what all the fuss is about, click here.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: All these celebrity deaths

Had she not died the day after Robin Williams, Lauren Bacall would be 90 today. Earlier this month, Joan Rivers joined them, and last week, British actor Sir Donald Sinden died at his home aged 90 following a long illness. He made his name on stage as a Shakespearean actor and appeared in more than 70 film and TV productions. He had been suffering from prostate cancer for several years, and died of the disease at his home in Kent. Although renowned for his theatre work, he was arguably best known to the masses for his TV appearances in the sitcom Never the Twain and the BBC legal drama Judge John Deed. But it's not as big a tragedy as the Colombian women's cycling team's new racing kit. The figure-hugging kit involves a flesh coloured section across the torso that gives the illusion the women are wearing nothing around their crotch.

Loser van Gaal fails to lose

Manchester United sealed a first win of the 2014/15 season yesterday as the Reds, inspired by new signing Angel Di Maria, romped to a 4-0 win over Queens Park Rangers at Old Trafford, and pulled it off without anybody on either side getting yellow-carded. Di Maria, playing his first match for the Reds in front of the home crowd, was in sizzling form throughout and he kicked off the scoring on 24 minutes with a curling free-kick. He played a part in United's second goal from Ander Herrera, before Wayne Rooney added a third before half-time. Di Maria then set up Juan Mata for a fourth after almost an hour. However, one win isn't going to be enough to reverse Man United's fortunes. They need to stay at the top of their game for the whole season to take back the title.

Love in more that just the name of Christ

A Pennsylvania teenager is staring at a possible jail sentence after he simulated sex acts with a Jesus statue (pictured) and later uploaded the pictures to social media. The young man posted that he took the pictures in late July at the statue of a kneeling Jesus in front of the “Love in the Name of Christ” Christian organization in his hometown of Everett, and now stands accused of the rare charge of desecration of a venerated object, which state law says involves "Defacing, damaging, polluting, or otherwise physically mistreating in a way that the actor knows will outrage the sensibilities of persons likely to observe or discover the action." The teen, whose name has not been released, could face up to two years in a juvenile jail if convicted. The Bedford County district attorney, Bill Higgins, made it known he was taking the charge against the teen seriously since the 14-year-old boasted and publicly posted the photographs, and I can tell you now it would've been much worse if he had actually whipped it out and it was touching the statue's mouth.

Blade Runner runnin' to jail on lesser charge

Oscar Pistorius has been found guilty not of murder, but of culpable homicide. However, there's more to tonight's post because customers may have to wait three to four weeks to get their hands on Apple Inc's iPhone 6 Plus, after a record number of orders for the company's latest smartphones strained available supply. The new iPhone 6 goes on sale this coming Friday in the United States but the company began taking online orders on Thursday. While the larger 5.5-inch "Plus" models now display a wait time of up to a month, the 4.7-inch version remains available for delivery on Sept. 19, Apple's website showed. Verizon Wireless, AT&T, and Sprint all showed shipment delays of up to six weeks on their respective websites. Apple said the pace of orders has so far outstripped any of its previous iPhones. I'm not surprised at this. Of course Apple will release a much better phone each year, especially now that Steve Jobs and his one-size-fits-all approach are no longer with us. And when they release next year's model, it will be huge. So don't settle for Android.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: Into the Storm

How can I put this one? Clumsily scripted and populated with forgettable characters, Into the Storm has little to offer beyond its admittedly thrilling special effects, but the special effects work is basically flawless, and you absolutely get what you arguably came to see. You want big-screen images of insanely large-scale tornadoes and big-scale devastation and disaster carnage? Into the Storm gives you plenty of rock-solid disaster porn. Don't let the not-so-flash reviews (a 20% approval rating with an average score of 4.3/10 based on 127 reviews at Rotten Tomatoes, and a score of 44 out of 100 based on 30 reviews at Metacritic) fool you.

Atmosphere got mo' 'zone

Oscar Pistorius has been found not guilty on charges of premeditated murder, however, lesser charges against the disgraced Paralympian turned Olympian remain pending at time of posting. One man that won't have to worry about that is Bond villain Richard Kiel, who has died at the age of 74. But enough about that because thirteen years after the World Trade Center fell to the ground in what some conspiracy theorists believe to be an inside job, we finally have some good news about the environment - the giant hole in Earth’s ozone layer is shrinking. The atmospheric layer that protects Earth’s inhabitants from the sun’s harmful ultraviolet rays is slowly rebuilding itself, according to a United Nations report published yesterday. Scientists credit the recovery to the phasing out of chemicals used in refrigerators, air conditioners, and aerosol cans in the 1980s. “It’s a victory for diplomacy and for science and for the fact that we were able to work together,” said chemist Mario Molina, who won a Nobel Prize for his research into the ozone layer.

iPhones become insanely greater

For the first time in years, Apple's iPhones aren't the star of the show. Apple unveiled a smartwatch, a wearable device that marks the company's first major entry in a new product category since the iPad's debut in 2010. The move is significant because of recent questions about whether Apple still has a knack for innovating following the 2011 death of co-founder Steve Jobs. The device's introduction upstaged the company's two new, larger iPhones, which won't just have bigger screens - they will also have a horizontal viewing mode to take advantage of the larger display. The iPhone 6 will have a screen measuring 4.7 inches, while the iPhone 6 Plus will be 5.5 inches. In both cases, app developers will be able to design apps that can be viewed differently when the phone is held horizontally. New Zealanders will not have long to wait with the new iPhone 6 available for pre-order from September 26. The iPhone 6 will retail from NZ$999 for 16GB to NZ$1,299 for a 128GB version, and the large-screen iPhone 6 Plus will go on sale from NZ$1,149 for 16GB to NZ$1,449 for 128GB. Apple fans waiting for the new iWatch however will have to wait just a little longer, with the product not set for release until early next year - and Apple gave no indication yet of pricing for the iWatch, but it's a product I will definitely consider purchasing at some point.

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Poor patient care

In April of 2011, James Clarke, who was paralysed in a motorbike accident in 2009, choked on a feeding tube after it became blocked in his throat at his home in the West Midlands. A recently concluded inquest into his death heard how two female carers were supposed to be monitoring him every 15 minutes throughout the night - but only checked on him every three hours. Instead, Beverley Kent and Mandy Evans watched TV and played on their phones while the quadriplegic patient they were supposed to be supervising so his mother could have a night off suffocated to death in his own room. Emergency services were called to the address after the carers found him unresponsive at 6am (British Summer Time) when his feeding peg bleeped. The inquest at Smethwick Council House heard Mrs Evans gave chest compressions under instruction from 999 handlers until the ambulance arrived. However rigor mortis had started to set in, further resuscitation attempts proved unsuccessful, and he was declared dead at the scene. Black Country coroner Robin Balmain slammed Mr Clarke's quality of care and ruled his death was due to neglect. He said he would be writing to the Care Quality Commission demanding answers about the standard of care provided. The coroner ruled that Mr Clarke, who a tracheotomy tube fitted to enable him to breathe following his accident, died of asphyxiation after the tube became blocked. Mr Balmain blasted Complete Care Service - the company in charge of his care package - and described their approach as 'profit over performance.' He also criticised the Walsall Clinical Commissioning Group (CCG), which employed the firm, for not checking that the correct care was being given. Mr Balmain concluded that Mr Clarke's death on April 4, 2011 was due to neglect compounding injuries suffered in the motorcycle accident. However, he said he sympathised with the carers, describing their training as 'slapdash' and said 'insufficient attention' was given by Walsall CCG as to what the care company was doing. Mr Balmain added: 'They seem to have missed some pretty obvious failings.' This is why you must exercise due care when making such an important decision like who should fill in for you on your night off. If you absolutely must take some time off from caring for a disabled person, make sure the carer/s filling in for you will actually do their jobs. And if you're employed in this field, DO YOUR JOB AND DO IT RIGHT. It's what you're paid for.

Wills and Kate and George Plus One

That's right, everyone, the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant with her second child. Kensington Palace said the Queen and members of both families were delighted with the news. The palace said that - as when she was pregnant with Prince George - the duchess was suffering from very acute morning sickness and was being treated by doctors at Kensington Palace. The baby will become fourth in line to the throne, moving poor Prince Harry further down the line of succession. But enough about that because Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei underwent prostate surgery this morning at a Tehran hospital. Khamenei’s website characterized the procedure as “successful” without giving the underlying cause. The official Islamic Republic News Agency described it as an “ordinary operation.” And the 75-year-old Khamenei himself took an upbeat tone in a pre-surgery television interview. “God willing, things will go well,” he said in the interview. “There’s no need to be worried but it doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t pray.” And it doesn't mean his prostate won't give out eventually.

JohnPix by RPD

When a man is caught soliciting a prostitute, the punishment police hand out is usually far less than what they will find at home when their wife or girlfriend finds out. So police in California are using the tactic of shaming Johns by posting their pictures online, in hopes the embarrassment being shared with the public will be enough to curb prostitution. The Bay Area city of Richmond is the latest to start the tactic, and already locals are seeing a difference. While Richmond police have written a disclaimer saying all suspects are innocent until proven guilty, and say they will take down the pictures if the charges are dropped or defeated; defense attorneys and legal experts have cautioned against the tactic, saying it could still prove damaging to those who are eventually found innocent of the crime. For instance, what happens when charges are dismissed or acquitted? Will their mug shots live on in a Google cache only to be discovered by neighbours, employers, and family members years later? Once information is made available on the Internet, it is captured and recaptured, so it is never erasable, and even when it does get taken down, someone might have kept a copy for their own personal collection and be able to put it back up, and from there the whole crazy cycle will start again.

Rivers crosses the river

American comedian Joan Rivers, who was born Joan Alexandra Molinsky, has died aged 81. For those who put stock in signs and patterns, the fact that her death comes so quickly after the loss of Robin Williams and the actress Lauren Bacall, will not escape notice. Rivers, who was hospitalised last week after a heart attack during a routine surgical procedure, has been on a life support system since last weekend. Her family made the decision to take the iconic comedian off life support yesterday. It is understood she died shortly after. Outspoken, opinionated, and full of fire, Rivers will be remembered as that rarest of personalities: a force of nature. Her excoriating wit was almost without peer, and her catchphrase - "Can we talk?" - forever associated with her diminutive form, typically wielding a fur, hands clutching at the air, spewing one-liners to an audience. Ultimately, however, she will be remembered for one extraordinary quality: she made us laugh. Big deal - so did Robin Williams. Speaking of which, after weeks of speculation, a group of World of Warcraft players stumbled across an “Aladdin”-quoting genie tribute to Robin Williams in a test version of the game. Gamers at the WoWhead fan site discovered the character on Thursday, when a user named Haldhur posted an image of the genie and its coordinates on the expansive role-playing game’s world map. Thus ended weeks of searching prompted by game maker Blizzard’s promise to include a Williams tribute following the actor’s death in August. The blue genie, named “Robin,” emerges from an “Ever-Burning Lamp” when players interact with the object. Then, the genie quotes one of the best lines from the Williams-voiced genie character: “INFINITE COSMIC POWER!” he says, before shrinking, waving, and adding, “itty-bitty living space.” A few weeks ago, users found evidence of two other versions of the “Robin” character that appear to be references to “Mork and Mindy” and “Mrs. Doubtfire.” These versions don’t yet appear in the game.

FRIDAY FILM BEAT: The Inbetweeners 2

I can sum this one up in just a few words: much funnier than the last one. Go see it.

Professional swindler outlives both his children

Andrew Madoff, the last surviving son of the convicted swindler Bernie Madoff, has died at 48 in a Manhattan hospital, where he had been undergoing treatment for cancer. A family lawyer, Martin Flumenbaum, said the cause was mantle-cell lymphoma, for which Mr. Madoff had been treated since early 2013. His older brother, Mark, committed suicide in 2010. The two brothers attracted worldwide attention in December 2008 after they alerted federal agents that their father, a respected Wall Street statesman, had confessed to them that his private investment management business was a vast Ponzi scheme. Based on that report, the senior Mr. Madoff was arrested on Dec. 11, 2008, just in time to get on Santa's naughty list. Ruth Madoff, slowly rebuilding her life, called her husband’s crime “beyond anything imaginable.” After the arrest, it became clear that his fraud was one of the largest Ponzi schemes in history, with paper losses of almost $65 billion, cash losses of about $17 billion and tens of thousands of victims ranging from Swiss private bankers to labor union pension funds to notable charities and universities. Bernard Madoff, now 76, pleaded guilty in March 2009 and is serving a 150-year sentence in a federal prison in North Carolina. He will be 221 years old by the time he gets out in 2159 (if he lives that long).

Lest we forget

BAD IDEA OF THE WEEK: Rape

CeeLo Green took to Twitter today to make an attempt to define what rape is, shortly after pleading no contest for charges that he slipped a woman ecstasy without her consent in 2012. The 39-year-old took to Twitter to defend himself, replying to users’ comments on the case with a series of bizarre statements about rape. “If someone is passed out they’re not even WITH you consciously,” he said, adding, “People who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!” Just because one's passed out doesn't mean they can't be raped. If he tried that one on during the trial, it could set a precedent for somebody on any sort of charge to claim it's not a crime just because their victim was unconscious at the time. Quoting from one of that loser's songs, forget him. But don't forget Keanu Reeves, because it's the Matrix star's 50th birthday today. It is also Daniel arap Moi's 90th and Mark Harmon's 63rd.

Reds fail to burn Burnley

Manchester United's frustrating start to the season continued yesterday morning after a 0-0 draw with Burnley at Turf Moor. Having weathered an early storm, Loser van Gaal's side dominated possession but were unable to capitalise with Robin van Persie going closest for the Reds just after the break when his shot was cleared off the line. United also had two strong penalty appeals overlooked when Ashley Young was seemingly shoved over in the area and late on when the same player's shot hit namesake Ashley Barnes on the arm. Also, two players were booked, but that's not the problem here. The problem is that the Reds need Sir Alex back, or at the very least David Moyes.