For whom the bellend tolls

This month, the Bellend of the Month is Pat Doube.

The teacher at Mercury Bay Area School in Whitianga allegedly punished two of her students, Madison Finch and Nikale Wilson, for being "over-exuberant" in class. The punishment was that the two 7-year-olds had their mouths taped shut for talking in class, leaving them too afraid to return to school. The mother of one of the kids complained to the Children's Commissioner and the Ministry of Education, and the mother of the other kid said Doube laughed it off when it was raised at a parent-teacher interview. Also, another child in the same class was made to sit in the middle of a circle while other kids said why they didn't like them. Teachers like her do not belong in our schools and would fit in better at a mental asylum. This sort of behaviour is child abuse and she should be fired before it happens again.

We totally schooled Arsenal!

That's right, yesterday morning's Man U v Arsenal clash at Old Trafford ended with an 8-2 victory to Man U, whose goals were apportioned as follows: a hat-trick by Wayne Rooney, two goals by Ashley Young, and one each by Danny Welbeck, Nani, and Ji-Sung Park. Arsenal's goals were by Theo Walcott and Robin van Persie. Five players were booked, of those five, Carl Jenkinson was subsequently sent off.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Samsung Galaxy Tab

The injunction banning that monstrosity in most of the European Union has recently been restricted to just Germany in an appeal, which means the iPad could stand to lose its well-deserved market share in 25 countries. This is a shame because Android devices are stupid and because the hardware and software weren't from the same company like with Apple machines; in other words, hardware and software weren't made for each other, and as a result, there could be big compatibility problems. Stick to the iPad.

Green's not the only colour for Libya

The Arab League has readmitted Libya to the regional bloc, turning over the country's seat to the National Transitional Council (NTC) and effectively recognising the rebel body as the legitimate authority in Libya. Mahmoud Jibril, the deputy chief of the NTC, represented the Libyan delegation at the meeting yesterday in Cairo. He urged Arab nations to help rebuild and stabilise his country and asked the league to assist in unfreezing Libyan assets abroad.

The UN should also turn over a few seats: Libya's seat there should also be given to the NTC, and China's should be shared out between Taiwan and Tibet. Also, they could give Bhutan a second vote in the General Assembly because of their total ban on the sale of tobacco.

Jobs has just been Cooked

If you haven't already guessed by now, Tim Cook has replaced Steve Jobs as CEO of Apple. In other news, Hurricane Irene is coming, so if you're on the East Coast of the US, then you'd better start heading out west.

Gaddafi is going to pay

The US and many European nations have pressed for the release of billions of dollars in frozen Libyan funds to help the cash-strapped rebels as the international community moved ahead on planning for a post-Gaddafi era. The Libyan opposition said it urgently needs at least $5 billion in frozen assets to pay state salaries, maintain vital services, and repair critical oil facilities. It looks as if the rebels will need that money because it will go very far in rebuilding the country after all those months of civil war. This proposal to unfreeze Gaddafi's assets for the rebels to use is the perfect way for that bellend to pay for his 42-year-long reign of terror, and they should do it to some of the other nutjobs who will in time get their butts kicked.

Chilli enough for ya?

Jessica Beagley, a 36-year-old woman from Anchorage, Alaska, was convicted on Tuesday of misdemeanour child abuse after squirting hot sauce into the mouth of her adopted Russian son as punishment in what prosecutors say was a ploy to get on Dr Phil (show logo pictured). She also made the 7-year-old boy stand in a cold shower when he misbehaved. This is the epitome of bad parenting and it is far from effective discipline. Even Amy Chua is a better parent than that bellend and I hope she never gets to see her kid again. That kid was most definitely safer back in Russia.

We're still waiting for Ryan Giggs to score

Being the losers they are, Tottenham lost to Man United yesterday morning (NZ time) at Old Trafford. The final score was 3-0, and the goals were scored by Danny Welbeck, Anderson, and Wayne Rooney. Three players were booked; two from the Spurs and one from Man U.

THE REBELS HAVE TAKEN TRIPOLI!

That's right, folks. The National Transitional Council now has control over much of the Libyan capital and it seems to be over for Gaddafi the Unpopular. Now we can focus on making this whole "Chinese democracy" thing a reality, and we can't take the first step with UN Resolution 2758 still in force. That 40-year-old skidmark on the underpants of international law can be washed out, but those nutjobs in the General Assembly aren't doing jack to let Taiwan back in. Maybe Tibet should also be given a seat.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: The Janitorium

This is one of the stupidest sites known to man. One of the stories on the site, entitled “What Naughty Girls Do”, was just wrong and weird, and it made the others look like Sesame Street by comparison. Part of the disclaimer states that “daddy/daughter stories posted to this archive are 'ageplay' or roleplay fantasies” but this story seems to be anything but. I apologise in advance for the spoiler and the associated creep factor, but right at the end of the story, the adult male character had non-consensual anal sex with the underage female character after she had supposedly defecated (referred to elsewhere in the story as “pinching a loaf”) but before she had time to wipe herself. The line “Daddy loves you” after the whole ordeal was supposedly over made the story that much more disturbing. I'm quite open-minded but I just don't see how that rubbish can be seen as “love”. First off, anal sex just after the intended recipient has defecated, be it straight or gay, consensual or non-consensual, is just gross, and ANY sexual relations with a minor are near-universally regarded as illegal and immoral. If that carry-on happened in real life, I'd expect the “Daddy” would end up behind bars or in a mental hospital.

For the record, the story “A Lesson Learned” features similar conduct but not quite on the same level.

He had a dream, now he has a statue

It has been a long time coming. America has been waiting for it since Dr. King was assassinated. America has been waiting for it since he gave the "I've Been to the Mountaintop" sermon. America has been waiting for it since before he was born. America has been waiting while reaching for the idea that someone might come along and galvanize the nation, raise voices for the poor, not just black, but poor of every color. Now, after all those years, just as somehow it was inevitable that there would one day be a first black president, there is now the first monument of an African American on the National Mall. The memorial stands on a 4-acre plot at the edge of the Tidal Basin between those of Abraham Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson. Its address is 1964 Independence Ave. S.W., a reference to the 1964 Civil Rights Act. That's right, Martin Luther King Jr, the civil rights leader who had a dream, now has a statue on the National Mall. That's a good way for whites to repay blacks after making them endure such horrid rubbish as slavery and segregation, but I hope Obama gets a statue there someday.

OK, so where's the nearest ABORTION clinic?

Planned Parenthood has ended abortion services in three Arizona cities to comply with recent state laws that restrict abortions. Starting yesterday, women will no longer be able to terminate pregnancies at the Planned Parenthood clinics in Prescott Valley, Flagstaff, and Yuma, all of which offered abortions through medication. Women can still receive surgical and medical abortions in the Tucson and Phoenix areas, but those services will cease at some suburban locations. That anti-choice rubbish is just stupid and if Arizona are going to crap on the rights of women like that, then there could be more out-of-state and back-alley abortions among pregnant women in Arizona.

Who is responsible for this travesty? An Arizona appeals court that stupidly allowed key parts of a 2009 state law restricting abortions to take effect. The law also includes a requirement that women see a doctor in person the day before getting an abortion to hear about risks and alternatives (which can be useful because you need to have as much info as you can get before you go in) and allows healthcare workers to refuse to participate in abortions for moral or religious reasons (which is just stupid because if you are in the medical profession and you work for a place that performs abortions, then it is your duty to perform abortions, and if you don't like it, you can always quit or just not turn up in the hope of getting fired).

Joy of Gaddafi's exile hath not stopp'd mine breath

Just as the rebels have captured a town south of Tripoli, Gaddafi is planning to flee Libya. Officials are not completely certain that the Libyan leader will leave but reports point to him considering a move with his family possibly for exile (not like the horrible Enya song of the same name) in Tunisia. In other news, Ruth Aitken is stepping down as the Silver Ferns' coach, the Moon may actually be 200 million years younger than previously thought, and the police force of New Zealand have had to destroy 5500 records of fingerprints and photographs of young offenders to comply with a 2008 law change that unintentionally made it illegal to keep them.

Gaddafi nearly has no oil

Dozens of opposition fighters surrounded Libya’s last functioning oil refinery yesterday and laid siege to about 100 government troops, part of a push that brought them closer to seizing this strategic western city. A rebel victory in Zawiya could be a turning point in the six-month-old war and leave Gaddafi nearly cornered in his increasingly isolated stronghold of Tripoli, the capital, just 30 miles to the east along the Mediterranean coast. I just know that if Gaddafi has no oil, it's almost over for that nutjob because the rebels will have all the oil and potentially all the money. I hope they don't then use that oil to pollute because the last thing the war-torn country needs is another Deepwater Horizon. And besides, Gaddafi is somewhat disadvantaged because over the period of his 42-year-old rule, that bellend deliberately kept Libya's military relatively weak out of as-yet-unfounded fears of a military coup. And I hope the Republic of China takes back all the commie-controlled lands one day.

The rebels are almost at Tripoli

Rebels are advancing towards the Libyan capital after seizing a town between Tripoli and Sirte, the hometown of Gaddafi. The rebels had flushed out troops loyal to Gaddafi from the town of al-Heesha, 140 kilometers west of Sirte, and are advancing as I type. In other words, it's almost over for Gaddafi. So why isn't it over for those commie maggots who aren't letting the rightful occupants of China's seat into the UN? I know why. It was the 70s and everyone in the General Assembly was probably on acid when they passed Resolution 2758. But anyway, Gaddafi needs to step down and leave Libya, or the rebels will remove that loser by force just like what the people of Romania did with Ceausescu.

Man United draw first blood on way to 20th Premiership

The bellends that are West Bromwich Albion had a home game first up, and they lost to Man United, who won 2-1 at The Hawthorns yesterday morning (NZ time). The Baggies' goal came from Shane Long, and fellow Baggie (and Irishman) Steven Reid scored an own goal for Man U. Man United's other goal came from Wayne Rooney, and in total, four bellends (three Baggies and one Man United player) were booked.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Baconnaise

This is one of the worst condiments known to man. This crap is meant to be mayonnaise (which tastes like vomit and besides, I already eat enough fatty food as it is) with a bacon flavouring. Despite having pork flavourings, the novelty mayonnaise is supposed to be kosher and vegetarian. Everything's better with bacon, but I'm still not going to eat that crap. I'd recommend this weird product to people who want heart disease but are too lazy to cook the bacon, however, if I was in that position, I'd happily eat the bacon raw, and wash it down with a glass of bacon grease.

The Game is almost over

Jayceon Terrell Taylor, better known by his rapping name The Game, could face criminal charges (he could face charges of maliciously disrupting or impeding communications over a public safety radio frequency, obstruction of justice, or other charges related to delaying a peace officer from doing their job) after a tweet from his Twitter account incited a telephone flash mob that overwhelmed the emergency phone system at one of the busiest stations of the Los Angeles County sheriff's department. The sheriff's department alleges The Game tweeted the Compton station's phone number and told his 580,000 followers to call the number if they wanted a music internship. That bellend should at least get a huge fine because his social networking faux pas meant phones at the southeast Los Angeles County station started ringing at 5:23 p.m. local time on Friday, and the lines were jammed by hundreds of calls for more than two hours, so the authorities had to bring in additional help. The homicide rate in Compton has gone down over 50 percent in recent years and crime is down in Compton, but it's particularly helpful when the public can contact the police station to report more serious issues. He has tarnished his image as a respected musician (like Chris Brown did when he beat up on Rihanna in 2009) by pulling such a stupid online prank.

The boy, the boy, the boy is on fire

A 17-year-old boy has been arrested after a 16-year-old boy was set on fire overnight in Hastings, and that nutjob has thankfully been charged with wounding with intent and causing grievous bodily harm. This is completely irresponsible behaviour on the teen's part and that of the parents that should've been supervising the gathering. If that other boy died, there would be homicide charges of some sort laid against that maggot. I hope he gets an adequate punishment for his horrid misdeed.

It's almost over for the Colonel

Rebels pushed northward yesterday on three fronts toward the coastal cities of al-Zawiya (which is strategically important because the coastal road through the city is the main supply line from the Tunisian border to areas held by Gaddafi the Tyrant,) Aziziya, and Sorman, with their ultimate goal being Tripoli, and the rebels should reach the coastal road that leads to the capital city within days. This is good news indeed, along with the Libyan embassy in Washington, DC re-opening under rebel control. However, if such good is being done in Libya, the international community can try turning their back on the People's Republic of China. For instance, countries should start boycotting international organisations if the illegitimate communist regime is a member of said organisation. But I hope the rebels soon take out Gaddafi.

Looks like airport security is da bomb

A woman has been arrested after allegedly attempting to 'test' airport security with a fake bomb just before a flight to Des Moines. The woman, named Lewiza Daman, is accused of trying to sneak the fake bomb past TSA officials at Sky Harbour Airport in Phoenix, Arizona. These sorts of jokes are just plain stupid, especially with the tenth anniversary of 9/11 just a month away. There were other people on the flight in question and they would've feared for their own lives had the fake bomb made it on board. I hope that maggot goes to prison for her thoughtless prank.

How's this one for girl power?

Expensive high-tech digital radios used by the FBI, Secret Service, and Homeland Security are designed so poorly that they can be jammed by a $30 children's toy. A GirlTech IMME is a pink instant-messaging device marketed to pre-teen girls (but it is a lot cheaper to use than a cellphone), and as mentioned above, can be used to disrupt sensitive radio communications used by every major federal law enforcement agency. This is the epitome of defective design and it could be quite worrying should criminals find out how to make a jammer out of such an innocent device. However, this can be prevented by turning encryption on, which it has also been found that many federal agents don't do.

In other technology news, Operating Systems Solutions, a Florida-based company, recently sued Apple in the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Florida, alleging that the Mac maker's desktop operating system violates a patent it owns for quickly booting an OS. However, Apple won a preliminary injunction in a German court banning the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 from every nation in the European Union except for the Netherlands (27 - 1 = 26 nations in all).

In dog we trust... or maybe not

Rosie, the first judicially approved courtroom dog in New York, was in the witness box at the Dutchess County Courthouse in Poughkeepsie nuzzling a 15-year-old girl who was testifying that her father had raped and impregnated her. Rosie sat by the teenager’s feet. At particularly bad moments, she leaned in. When the trial ended in June with that incestuous scumbag’s conviction, the teenager was most grateful to Rosie. Now an appeal planned by the defense lawyers is placing Rosie, who was named after civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks, at the heart of a legal debate that will test whether there will be more of the dogs in courtrooms in New York and, possibly, other states.

Defense lawyers argue that the dogs may unfairly sway jurors with their cuteness and the natural empathy they attract, whether a witness is telling the truth or not. That may be true, but the courtroom dogs can be a crucial comfort to those enduring the ordeal of testifying, especially children. Even though sometimes the dog means the difference between a conviction and an acquittal, that first-class loser, whose name is Victor Tohom, got exactly what he deserved (25 years to life).

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Orinoco Flow by Enya

Yesterday, I saw the movie Larry Crowne. The real complaint this time round is in the movie theater's choice of music played between sessions. One of the songs I heard while waiting for the previews to come on was one of the most horrible non-Justin Bieber songs known to man. In fact, Justin Bieber wasn't even born when that crap was released. That's right, I'm talking about Orinoco Flow (single cover pictured) by Enya. That tune was one of the worst tunes of 1988 and it sucks big time. Enya might not sound like Elmo on helium, but her music is still total rubbish. I'd rather listen to Johnny Rebel (whose songs tend to feature the N word) than that crap.

There'll be less drunks behind the wheel

From midnight last night, a zero-alcohol policy has been enforced on teenage drivers in New Zealand. The government introduced the measure - along with raising the driving age to 16 - in a bid to lower the serious crash rate involving young drivers. This is the sort of change that the rest of the world now needs, and if New Zealand is annexed by the USA, it would be harder still for youths to get booze because the drinking age in the States is 21. In fact, the new rule should apply to everybody. I'm not saying to ban alcohol entirely, but the legal limit should be zero for ALL drivers, and there should also be less of Justin Bieber, whose music should only be played during interrogations at Guantanamo.

Commodore vs Colonel: who will win?

Fiji have banned the importation of some of the eleven herbs and spices needed for KFC's chicken until the 72-year-old recipe is revealed. Commodore Bainimarama seriously needs to get a life because even North Korea allow the required plant matter (not that KFC would even consider expanding to that commie-run wasteland). Either the biosecurity authority is a bit overzealous or Bainimarama wants to open up a goverment-run clone (which could have a name like Fiji Chicken or Commodore's Original Recipe) with the Colonel's recipe. Whatever one it is, at least that bellend has no control over New Zealand's supply of the Colonel's chicken.

He say bill, he say bill, he say bill-o!

It’s hard not to feel ripped off when you get hit with unexpected roaming charges while traveling abroad, whether these come from making phone calls or checking e-mail. Take it from Jeff Gardner, who received a bill from Verizon for US$11,000 after spending four days in Jamaica. Before the trip, Mr. Gardner, who runs a fly-fishing business in Grayling, Michigan, said he called Verizon to find out what it would cost to use his cellphone for calls and his wireless air card to check e-mail on his laptop while in the Caribbean. He said he was told that calls would be about $2 a minute and that there would be no extra charges for data as he was on an unlimited plan. The latter part turned out to be wrong.

I don’t mind paying a fair amount for fair service, but $11,000 for just four days is ridiculous, especially considering Mr. Gardner used his phone sparingly on the trip. That statement Verizon made about there being “no extra charges for data” is an outright lie and I'm just thankful those nutjobs aren't providing any services in New Zealand. Mr. Gardner should sue.

Happy 50th, Obama!

Barack Hussein Obama might have a name that sounds like that of a terrorist, and he might not keep the trains running on time, but he has the potential to lead America out of the hole that Bush dragged it in. In other news, Mark Zuckerberg's sister Randi is leaving Facebook to start her own company.

No bad cheques this time round

The debt ceiling has been increased again, but Congress should just abolish the ceiling because it has been raised 74 times since March 1962 (including 18 times under Reagan, eight times under Clinton, seven times under Bush, and three times to date under Obama), and it's just getting redundant now. Even if this means US public debt reaches 15-digit amounts of money, there will always be a way to prevent any possibility of defaults on the debt already incurred. But they can fix this by having more taxes. For instance, the reason those nutjobs won't ban alcohol or tobacco is for the tax money. If they're after taxes, they can legalise pot or cocaine, or put taxes on foodstuffs containing caffeine, which can sometimes be classed as a drug. Or to cut down on prison costs (which are in part funded by taxes), alternative sentencing like the death penalty or judicial canings could be used, freeing up more money to reduce national debt. Another way to cut down on the ever-increasing debt would be to just print more money, which is what they should've done in the first place.

The saga ends today

This is the third and final part of our story. There were more bad cheques in May (more specifically, on the weekend the fourth, and hopefully last, Pirates of the Caribbean movie came out): on the 21st, she went to Paper Plus and bought stationery for $246.06, and on the Sunday at the New World in Waitara, she signed a cheque for $465.14. Dick Smith Electronics in New Plymouth was also out $1018.87 because of her bad cheques. When the police caught up with her on the 27th, she told them she was expecting $20,000 from ACC and needed to buy food and supplies as she waited for it to be deposited, but police inquiries revealed the ACC story was yet another ruse. The motorbikes have since been repossessed, but there was still $3095.74 owed to various parties, who have asked the court for reparation. That scumbag is to be sentenced on September 7, and in addition to being our Bellend of the Month AND the Weekly Gross-out, I hope she goes to prison for a long, long time.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Janice Rae Smith

This is Part 2 of yesterday's story. Due to the nature of the crimes committed by that scumbag, we have taken advantage of the fact that last month ended on a Sunday so that her cheque fraud can be the subject of our Bellend of the Month AND the Weekly Gross-out. Now let's get on with the dissemination.

On April 7, after she moved to New Plymouth, she had a Freeview dish installed at her home, and naturally, she paid the installer with a cheque. But when she tried to close the account the same day (while I, on the other hand, was actually using my brain in trying to decide which day that weekend to see Rio and which day to see Just Go With It, and yes I did enjoy both movies), the bank told her she couldn't close it (smart move on the bank's part) because she was in arrears for all the dishonoured cheque fees that had been imposed. Two days later she wrote out a $254,000 cheque for her partner, but that wasn't quite it for her. Part 3 will be up tomorrow.

Cheque this out

Excuse the bad pun, but the Bellend of the Month is a Janice Rae Smith of New Plymouth, who admitted 16 charges of fraudulently using a document; in this case, $300,000 worth of bad cheques. Smith had opened the cheque account in March at the ASB branch in Masterton, telling the bank she was going to be self-employed and would be getting about $15,000 a month, but no money was ever deposited. On the day she got her cheque book, she bought a Harley and $20,495 of accessories, and spent a further $4054 on a second motorcycle, groceries, and a restaurant dinner. Near the end of March, she bought a third motorcycle worth $2389.50, toys, games and clothing from the Masterton Warehouse to the tune of $572.77, $809.45 worth of food from New World, and Warehouse Stationery goods valued at $385.34. The cheques were all dishonoured, but that maggot's fraudulent spending didn't end there. Part 2 will be up tomorrow.

Even we're saying no to Syria

Around 200 people marched up Queen Street in Auckland today to protest against Syrian President Bashar al-Assad's regime. The group aims to encourage the New Zealand government to put pressure on al-Assad to step down from power and allow democracy to take effect. But if they want to bring democracy to Syria, then why not China? Taiwan can take the final steps towards secession but a better option would be for Taiwan to declare war on China and reclaim all their land in the name of the Republic of China. Once that's done, we can take on North Korea. And get rid of Justin Bieber. And cancel Two and a Half Men and maybe Jersey Shore as well.

San Francisco's a city, not a concentration camp!

A San Francisco County Superior Court judge ruled yesterday that a measure prohibiting male circumcision should be taken off the November ballot. She wants it off the ballot because she said that it is "expressly preempted" by the California Business and Professions Code. Under that statute, only the state is allowed to regulate medical procedures, and the ruling says that the evidence presented is overwhelmingly persuasive that circumcision is a widely practiced medical procedure. I don't support the wanton removal of perfectly healthy genital tissue but an outright ban might discriminate against Jews and Muslims, whose religious beliefs both call for such otherwise unjustified violence toward minors. It's a good thing they got that measure off the ballot because had it passed, laws against synagogues could've been next and San Francisco might get the unflattering nickname of New Auschwitz.

It's just a matter of faith

An atheist group has filed a lawsuit seeking to prevent a cross made out of World Trade Center steel beams from going on display at the 9/11 Memorial Museum. American Atheists sued this week in state court arguing that the group opposes the placement of the cross, which is made of two intersecting steel beams, in the museum because members believe it is the only religious article getting special accommodation there. I don't blame them for not wanting the cross there - America is a secular state and besides, not all of the victims of 9/11 were Christians. If the cross goes in, then it's only fair that the memorial allow atheists and other belief groups to include their own displays of equal size. This is just like schools teaching the myth of creation instead of what really happened, which is known as evolution. All life evolved from the sea, hence our need for salt, and over millions of years, the different creatures all adapted to survive, bringing us the current varieties of flora and fauna. That doesn't need any creator gods at all, and there is no proof that what the Bible says about this rubbish is true.

Time for a revolution

The Algerian government is working to prevent North Africa's revolutionary tide from reaching its shores, but they could be next in line for revolution. There have been successful revolutions in Tunisia (where the "Arab spring" started) and Egypt (whose ex-tyrant Hosni Mubarak is reportedly on a hunger strike) and Algeria could be next to go under. It's just a matter of time, but it will happen sooner or later.

The effect has been so strong that local governments in the eastern part of Algeria have instructed police to relax street regulations, including allowing motorists to drive without a proper vehicle tax document. Police have also been told to ignore illegal street traders and refrain from collecting taxes from shopkeepers if they claim their business has been affected by the activities of such traders. So far the policy of appeasement and concession has worked well for the Algerian government. But it won't last. Algeria is certainly not immune from the Arab spring.

Too late again, naturally

Since drought gripped the Horn of Africa, and especially since famine was declared in parts of Somalia, the international aid industry has swept in and out of refugee camps and remote hamlets in branded planes and snaking lines of white 4x4s. However, not all of the shipments arrive in good time. A U.N. official near a cluster of huts in northern Kenya had filmed on his iPad the rotting carcass of a cow arriving on an aid caravan. This is not good enough because now, the meat is not safe for human consumption. The slow speed of the aid caravan is a total joke (unlike the famine of course) and the other foodstuffs that were in the caravan could easily have gone off as well. The drought gripping the region straddling Somalia, Kenya and Ethiopia is the worst in 60 years, and it's affecting more than 12 million people, all of whom could die. Food needs to reach the area, and it has to be something safe to eat, not just a cow carcass with maggots all over it.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Gonorrhoea

More specifically, a new superbug form that was recently discovered in Japan. This new superbug, dubbed H041, has actually evolved to a point where previous forms of antibiotics have no effect on it whatsoever. Gonorrhoea is caused by Neisseria gonorrhoeae, a bacterium that can grow and multiply easily in the warm, moist areas of the reproductive tract, including the cervix (opening to the womb), uterus (womb), and fallopian tubes (egg canals) in women, and in the urethra (urine canal) in women and men. The bacterium can also grow in the mouth, throat, eyes and anus; and each generation of gonorrhoea gets gradually stronger and develops a resistance to antibiotics. Since this latest strain is immune to all known forms of treatment, it is a superbug, and if they don't find an antibiotic for it soon, then it could pose a serious health risk. I would most definitely recommend wearing a condom if you're going to have sex (unless you're trying to have a baby of course) and getting yourself checked beforehand because this superbug could run the risk of being more deadly than HIV/AIDS.

FIVE HUNDRED POSTS!

And the 27 Club has accepted a new member today: Amy Winehouse. She joins greats like Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, and Kurt Cobain, along with some less familiar names like Lily Tembo, in a group comprising exclusively of musicians who died at the age of 27. This is just one of the many things that could happen if you let fame get to your head. Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe was a lot smarter than that: he realised that he was partying too hard and recently decided to entirely cut out alcohol. If Amy Winehouse had just pointed a wand at drugs and alcohol and used the "avada kedavra" spell on them, she would still be alive today. This is a big tragedy for the music industry (too bad it wasn't Justin Bieber).

500 POSTS TOMORROW!

And today, South Korean Foreign Minister Kim Sung Hwan met briefly with his North Korean counterpart, Pak Ui Chun. I just don't see what the deal with there still being two Koreas is supposed to be. I have always supported a version of the one-China policy just to avoid confusion over the names PRC (most commonly referred to as China even though those commies should never have been allowed in to begin with) and ROC (the real China, also known as Taiwan), and there should be one China, whether under ROC control or without the ROC-controlled islands of Taiwan, Kinmen, Penghu, and Matsu. The same thing should happen on the Korean Peninsula, with the two Koreas being united under South Korean rule.

Come on Bashar, leave!

As anthems go, this one is fittingly blunt. “Come on Bashar, leave,” it declares to Syrian President (and tyrant) Bashar al-Assad. And in the weeks since it was heard in protests in the Syrian city of Hama, the song has become a symbol of the power of the protesters’ message, the confusion in their ranks and the violence of the government in stopping their dissent. I agree with the message because al-Assad needs to go NOW. Also, there needs to be some major democratic reforms in China, whether it comes from the Republic of China taking all the territory or the "people's republic" becoming a truly democratic nation, whether with or without the island of Taiwan. Personally, I favour the ROC righting an over 60-year-old wrong and taking back all the PRC-controlled lands (and their seat in the UN) by force (and maybe North Korea as well). And to fight back at the severe mistreatment of women in Saudi Arabia (where having a vagina instead of a penis means one has the permanent status of a child), they should abolish the misogynistic state and split its land evenly between the bordering nations of Jordan, Iraq, Oman, and Yemen (their leaders might not be so great but at least the women in those four countries get to drive - in fact, women can drive even in North Korea). And one more: the USA should annex Cuba (and possibly New Zealand so frequent travellers to the States won't be subject to the post-9/11 airport security practice of touching passengers' private areas during the pat-down).

Crunch on this

Products get knocked off all the time: designer bags, Oscar-night dresses, and watches. But entire stores? That's something new. Which is why the Internet is going crazy over a blogger's report that three fake Apple stores have popped up in her neighborhood in Kunming, China (more specifically, the ridiculously large part that's controlled by the wrong government).

Speaking of Apple, the company updated its thin-and-light MacBook Air laptops yesterday, alongside the much anticipated release of Lion, while also unceremoniously discontinuing its white entry-level MacBook line. The new MacBook Air notebook computers, which lack optical drives, gain speedier Intel processors ranging from the 1.6GHz dual-core Core i5 chip in the lower-end 11-inch-screen model to the dual-core 1.8GHz Core i7. The i5 and i7 processors are known for being pretty powerful, with variations of this chip line running in Apple's MacBook Pros and iMac computers. Now that the MacBook has been discontinued, Apple's lineup is without a white-coloured laptop for the first time in ten years (and no, it's not anything to do with race even though Steve Jobs is partly of Syrian descent). And for the record, the Mac mini is also dispensing with the optical drive (another example of Apple pushing users toward a disc-free future).

BUT WHY CAN'T THE WORLD JUST DISPENSE WITH THOSE COMMIE MAGGOTS BEHIND THE "PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC" OF CHINA?

Just clearing the mines, boss

Libyan government forces in trucks disguised with rebel flags have shelled opposition positions near the strategic eastern oil town of Brega, killing 13 rebel fighters and wounding dozens more. Rebel forces have been pushing to seize the frontline town, which is home to an oil refinery and terminal, for nearly a week, but minefields planted by Gaddafi's forces have slowed the advance. The rebels are now in positions 10km east of the oil port, working to clear the mines so they can move forward. This sort of rubbish is a new low for Gaddafi because planting landmines is stupid and inhuman, especially coming from people working for somebody who is already subject to an international warrant of arrest. This conflict would be a lot easier for the rebels if they had their own ruse of war in the form of a white flag.

Sooner or later, God'll cool you down... NOT!

A major heat wave this weekend has prompted officials in 17 American states to issue heat warnings and advisories. At least two hot weather-related deaths have been reported, and forecasters say the high heat is expected to spread over the next few days. And apparently, it's been so hot for so long in Oklahoma that Governor Mary Fallin has called for a statewide day of prayer in hope of some divine intervention. If you want to turn to some fictional higher power (and fail in the process), then go ahead but don't expect me to be a part of it. There is no higher power of any sort in control of the weather anywhere, therefore, prayer just isn't going to work. You could always move to Antarctica if you can't stand the heat.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Geordie Shore

Geordie Shore, if you don't already know what the deal is, is a British ripoff of MTV reality show Jersey Shore - in other words, horrible made worse. Jersey Shore is just another stupid reality show and like any reality show, it's horrible enough without the British getting their hands on it and making the shows even worse than they already are. MTV doesn't need any more reality shows, let alone British rip-offs. They're all fake and all the catfights on most of those shows are just another act to increase ratings. I don't watch Jersey Shore and I most definitely won't be watching Geordie Shore anytime soon.

Don't ask, don't tell - now with don't discharge

In the latest legal twist on the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, a San Francisco federal appeals court reinstated the law but ordered the government not to investigate, penalize or discharge any soldier who is openly gay. It's another curve in the military's path toward rescinding the 1993 law that barred military service by gays and lesbians who disclose their sexual orientation, but at least now you can't be kicked out just for being openly gay, in effect making the policy somewhat pointless. But if Obama wants another term in office, he'd better shape up and expedite the process of repealing that stupid and rubbish piece of legislation once and for all, maybe using an executive order or even proposing an amendment to the Constitution to force the military to accept openly gay soldiers because a gay soldier could make all the difference if the entire military is ever sent to North Korea to remove that despot Kim Jong-Il from power.

Now to take care of the China issue

The Libya Contact Group has recognized the opposition National Transitional Council as the sole and legitimate representative of the country's people. Yesterday's announcement came at a press conference in Istanbul, held shortly after the bloc's fourth meeting ended. In a final statement issued after the meeting, more than 30 nations, including the US, have formally recognised the country's main opposition group as its legitimate government, until a new interim authority can be created. But if they can say no to Colonel Gaddafi the Unpopular and his regime, then why can't the world just say no to those commie nutjobs from the "people's republic" that are under some false impression that they're representing China? This is one wrong that has gone unrighted for almost 40 years and it shouldn't wait too much longer, and one way to right this is for the US to add an amendment to their constitution (or consbreastution if your swear filter is a bit over-sensitive) forbidding them from entering into diplomatic relations with the illegitimate government or any country that recognises those commies. Once this amendment cuts almost everyone else off from the States, they'll all go onto the real China's side just to get back onto America's side, and then those commies will fall and a legitimate regime can take its rightful place in the world.

Intolerance will not be back (I hope)

Jerry Brown has signed a bill making California the first state in the nation to add lessons about gays and lesbians to social studies classes in public schools. Brown, a Democrat, signed the landmark bill requiring public schools to include the contributions of people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender in social studies curricula. The Democratic-majority Legislature had passed the bill last week on a largely party-line vote. It's good news they're finally realising that history should be honest. This bill revises existing laws that prohibit discrimination in education and ensures that the important contributions of Americans from all backgrounds and walks of life are included in their history books. But there is room in the law for improvement: the law only covers public schools and doesn't extend to private schools and nutjobs who homeschool their kids (this means they brainwash their brood with their own possibly questionable values). But now, there can be more tolerance in California. They should try cracking Texas next.

It's a dream come true

Bars and restaurants with no booze; stores with no cigarettes: that's the picture coming into focus in Minnesota, as the effects of the state's government shutdown ripple through society. The reasons range from expired liquor permits (which can't be renewed) to a lack of cigarette tax stamps (which can't be purchased). With the sale of alcohol and tobacco closely regulated and taxed, stores are quickly running through their supplies, and they're asking for special dispensations that would help them serve their customers. This should be good news for the people of Minnesota, because with no alcohol, then there'll be no drunken bellends causing disturbances late at night, and without tobacco, there'll be less smokers causing problems for others with their second hand smoke. As an added bonus, the health problems associated with both of those evils will be flying out the door. Unless, of course, people start going to businesses in a nearby state to get their unhealthy-but-legal fill.

They're not kidding around here

At McDain's Restaurant, in Monroeville, Pennsylvania, kids don't eat free. And starting Saturday, they don't get to eat at all. Mike Vuick, owner of the Pittsburgh area eatery has just announced a ban on children under 6 at his casual dining establishment. After receiving noise complaints from customers about crying kids at neighboring tables, Vuick decided to institute the policy, which is a bit extreme but it may well keep the little brats from ruining other peoples' good time - they can just ruin it for the patrons of more child-friendly establishments instead. This practice is not illegal; in fact, last year, North Carolina's Olde Salty restaurant made a similar decision. Owner Brenda Armes posted a sign that read "Screaming children will not be tolerated", making it clear to parents when their kids scream, they'll be asked to take it outside. Armes said the move has boosted business, and Vuick is confident his ban will benefit McDain's as well. There are other ways to discourage parents from bringing their whiny kids in, for instance, changing the menu dishes to only serving broccoli or changing the names of the dishes to incorporate profanity (e.g. a F***burger, S*** Steak, or A***-p*** salad) and threats directed towards characters from childrens' TV programmes (e.g. Big Bird Must Die nuggets, Captain Feathersword Sucks fries, or We Hate Elmo sundae).

Haven't the Jews suffered enough?

Firefighters battled a four alarm fire at a synagogue in Manhattan that covered a large swath of the Upper East Side in smoke. About 170 firefighters responded to the blaze which began at about 8:30 last night local time at Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun Synagogue on East 85th Street between Lexington and Park avenues, according to a fire department spokesman. This is possibly the work of neo-Nazis and there is no need for such anti-Semitic behaviour in this day and age. The synagogue's roof collapsed and five firefighters suffered minor injuries as a result of this intolerant behaviour. Nobody should have to endure this sort of suffering, no matter how far-fetched their personal beliefs might seem to others, and I hope they find whoever caused this tragedy and have them charged with a hate crime.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: UN Resolution 2758

This week, the gross-out is one of the most horrid international laws ever written: United Nations General Assembly Resolution 2758. It came into force on 25 October 1971, and it recognises the representatives of the People's Republic of China as "the only legitimate representative of China to the United Nations" and expelled the representatives of Chiang Kai-shek "from the place which they unlawfully occupy at the United Nations." This is just horrible and it should never have come into effect. Those communist bullies should never have been given China's seat on the UN Security Council, which rightfully belongs to the real China (which is currently centred around Taiwan). In fact, if the UN had any sense, they would punish those commie rejects by expelling them from the UN, replacing them with Taiwan, and giving Tibet a seat in the UN.

AFSCME v. Quinn: who will win?

Illinois’s largest employee union, the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, filed a lawsuit today in an attempt to force Governor Pat Quinn to dole out raises for 33,000 workers that were scheduled to go into effect on July 1. Quinn moved to block the pay hikes when he made changes last week to the state budget that lawmakers sent him, saying they "did not set aside enough money to cover the increases". They would never have impeached Rod Blagojevich if they knew that two years down the line, Quinn would violate the terms of the union’s contract with the state, as well as state and federal equal protection laws. The lawsuit was filed late Friday in a Springfield federal court, and it asks to restore the pay increases for workers in fourteen different agencies. You can't just reneg on an agreement you made, and by shoving proposed pay increases to one side, that bellend was doing just that. Amy Chua, who was supposedly born in Illinois, would make a better Governor at the moment, if not a better parent. Even Oscar the Grouch or Colonel Gaddafi or Kim Jong-il or Sideshow Bob would be better suited than that maggot Pat Quinn for the position of Governor of Illinois.

An issue that splits like Sudan

Sorry if that one was a bit too soon, but here's the gem for today: Michigan liquor regulators have switched their position and will allow sales of a Maryland-based beer with a name thats offensive to some people. Flying Dog Brewery, which already sells some of their other beers in Michigan, has received approval to promote and sell a popular India pale ale called Raging Bitch. Despite this victory, Flying Dog still has a First Amendment lawsuit pending in federal court in Grand Rapids, and the company is proceeding with the case despite the liquor control commission's decision, and I would've done the same thing too because that doesn't make the lawsuit go away. Most companies would take what Michigan did and say, 'Great, I can sell my beer and move on down the road,' but this lawsuit may well force the issue in the other 49 states when it comes to approving Raging Bitch for sale. I hope the beer sells well despite the name.

The South will come out tomorrow

When South Sudan becomes Africa’s newest country tomorrow, the “Lost Boys of Sudan” will reportedly be celebrating the occasion with their fellow South Sudanese. If you're wondering what the deal with the "lost boys" is, the tale goes like so: during Sudan’s 21-year civil war, thousands of young boys, most of those being from the Dinka ethnic group, were separated from their families and forced to walk about 1,000 miles to reach safe havens. But enough about that: the big day is tomorrow and that means that Africa's largest nation will split into two, one half continuing to have a suspected war criminal as president, and one half which will start afresh and hopefully not become the authoritarian wastelands that several Arab countries were until this year when the people decided they'd had enough. Tomorrow, South Sudan will be the first new country since Kosovo, and you can bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be South (Sudan, that is).

The Olympics are coming back to South Korea!

But that's not until 2018. Right now, let's get to today, and to some more serious issues. South Korea is breaking new ground today on another resettlement facility for North Korean defectors, reflecting the increasing number of people escaping food shortages and harsh living conditions of the hermit state. At the resettlement centers, hundreds of defectors learn how to live in a free and prosperous nation, the exact opposite of the nation they have fled. The oldest "student" is 84 years of age and will probably not get much time to use his/her new-found freedom, and the youngest is just one month old and unlikely to ever remember having lived in a communist hellhole. Daily lessons teach the basics of life in South Korea such as how to buy a subway ticket, open a bank account, and how to understand the language (sure both nations speak Korean, but in the North, the Korean spoken is, thanks to the work of Kim Il-Sung and his son Kim Jong-Il, devoid of the outside influences that can be heard in the Korean spoken in South Korea). This will definitely bring down Kim Jong-il's government, and if that's the way he's going to run his side of the 38th parallel, then maybe he's not the right person for the land and the entire US military should finish their tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan, and when they're available, overrun Pyongyang and destroy that maggot's cult of personality once and for all.

He completely fudged it by packing

A US teenager has gone on trial in California accused of shooting dead a classmate because he was homosexual. Prosecutors say Brandon McInerney smuggled a handgun into a school near Los Angeles in February 2008 and shot 15-year-old Larry King (no relation to the famed CNN anchor) twice from behind as he sat at a computer. Prosecutors also say McInerney, who was 14 at the time, was influenced by Nazi ideology. He has pleaded not guilty to murder and to committing a hate crime, for which that maggot should most definitely be sent to juvie. This sort of homophobic behaviour is not on, be it directed at fags, fudge-packers, butt-pirates, queers, batty boys, or whatever other hurtful names are directed at gays. I hope he gets what's coming to him.

Will I still be here in 1000 years time? Maybe.

If Aubrey de Grey's predictions are right, the first person who will live to see their 150th birthday has already been born. And the first person to live for 1000 years (outside of books of fiction like the Bible) could be less than 20 years younger. A biomedical gerontologist and chief scientist of a foundation dedicated to longevity research, de Grey reckons that within his own lifetime doctors could have all the tools they need to "cure" aging - including banishing diseases that come with it and extending life indefinitely (not to mention causing severe overpopulation). That means this blog could still be receiving daily updates in the year 3000 or even later. Maybe I could go one further and be one of the first to make it to 1500 years - if I do, then the proof could be right here in a post dated October 8, 3488. But if the first to make it to 1000 years of age is some bellend like Justin Bieber or Amy Chua, then maybe the whole thing is just a silly idea.

A good reason why death is a necessary part of the natural order of things is because if people kept living longer, then there would be too many of us on Earth and not enough land or food for everyone. If such longevity as described above does show up on Earth, then extra land would be needed - maybe move some of the population to Antarctica, or send people to the Moon or to Mars. To take care of the food problem, genetic engineering will be a necessary evil.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Britain

Their TV programmes (except for a few gems like Mr. Bean and one outrageously funny show about some guy named Frank Spencer) are atrocious, their Queen is STILL our head of state, their flag (pictured) is a huge eyesore occupying the top-left quarter of our flag (and those of several other nations which are supposed to be independent; in fact, their flag forms part of that of Hawaii, which is supposed to be one of the fifty United States), and some of the food they eat is just nasty. In fact, they need to change the name of one regional specialty because faggots is also the plural form of a horrific anti-gay slur. For these reasons and many more, the United States did the right thing in seceding on this day in 1776. That's right, I'm talking about Britain. Of course they brought us one of the world's most popular languages, and they sometimes help out when America needs to take down tyrannical rulers; but for the most part, they've also unloaded some nasty stuff onto the rest of the world.

The rebels are coming, the rebels are coming!

Buoyed by French arms drops and intensified NATO air strikes on the Gaddafi regime's frontline armour, Libya's rebel army said it is poised for an offensive that could put it within striking distance of Tripoli. The rebels' announcement late yesterday came as a prolonged deadlock on the battlefield prompted mounting pressure from countries outside the NATO-led coalition for a negotiated solution to a conflict that has dragged on for four and a half months. It's about time the rebel forces made plans for an offensive on Tripoli because NATO's current efforts against that nutjob Gaddafi aren't enough. We know the time for change is coming and that time could be just around the corner.

Looks like Arnie's just been terminated

Maria Shriver stood by Arnold Schwarzenegger when he ran for California's governorship in 2003, even after several women accused him of lecherous behavior. But yesterday, 25 years after their fairytale wedding on Cape Cod, she filed for divorce. This means that not only has their union been terminated, it is likely that half of Arnie's wealth (including but not limited to earnings from a career as a Hollywood megastar, which allowed him to forgo a salary as governor and commute by private jet to Sacramento, and interests in at least eight entities each worth $1 million or more) will not be back either. He should've kept all that money a secret from his wife, or better yet, Arnie and Maria should never have married. And besides, they're both Catholic, and Catholics don't believe in divorce, so it's a bit odd that the couple would be filing for divorce.

We ain't in Kansas no more... oh wait, we're still there

Kansas avoided becoming the first state without an abortion provider by granting Planned Parenthood a licence yesterday to continue performing abortions under new regulations being challenged in federal court. The new rules from the Kansas Department of Health and Environment tell abortion providers what drugs and equipment they must have on hand, how big some of their rooms must be, and the temperatures allowed in procedure and recovery rooms. The department is imposing them under a new licensing law that takes effect today, along with these rules. Supporters of the new legislation say the new Kansas regulations would protect patients from substandard care, but critics say they’re burdensome by design and aimed at shutting down abortion services. Pro-choice supporters are suspicious of the licensing process because it turns out that Governor Sam Brownback is a pro-life (more correctly referred to as anti-choice) Republican and the anti-choice folk helped push the law through the Republican-controlled Legislature. I'm on the fence when it comes to the new rules, but if they are aimed at pushing the anti-choice agenda, then those rules, and the maggots behind them, should be served up with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

2011 is half-finished

In fact, June is now almost finished with just one exception: we have to reveal the Bellend of the Month, and this month, the bellend is Geert Wilders. That maggot is nothing but bad news for the Dutch people. Wilders was facing five counts of inciting hatred and discrimination for describing Islam as a fascist religion and Moroccan youths as violent and for calling for the banning of the Koran, but a week ago, he was found not guilty. This is hate speech and not all Muslims are like that. In fact, there are Muslims who frown upon such extremist behaviour. That racist nutjob needs to undergo an intensive cultural sensitivity programme (hopefully along the lines of the “tolerance camp” that was seen in an episode of South Park) before he causes any more controversy. Those comments were just low and should not be tolerated.

And the base goes... BOOM!

Yesterday, Iran reportedly tested medium- and long-range missiles that are capable of reaching Israel and U.S. bases. This firing of the missiles came on the second day of the Revolutionary Guards' war games, and the day before, Iran's military displayed on national television underground missile silos programmed to hit predetermined targets with medium- and long-range missiles, including Israel and U.S. bases in the Middle East, in the event of an attack. This is worrying news and those bellends seriously need to rethink their strategy before anyone gets hurt. The missiles should be directed at Libya or North Korea instead.

OK, Colonel, time to stand down

I'm not talking about Mr. Sanders. His recipe for fried chicken is, as Snoop Dogg would put it, "off the hizzle fo' shizzle". Instead, I'm talking about an evil and horrible colonel instead: international judges have ordered the arrest of Gaddafi, his son, and his intelligence chief. The warrant was issued yesterday for the men for orchestrating the killing, injuring, arrest, and imprisonment of hundreds of civilians during the first 12 days of unrest and for trying to cover up the alleged crimes. Reading the decision of the International Criminal Court, presiding judge Sanji Monageng of Botswana said there were reasonable grounds to believe that Gaddafi and his son, Seif al-Islam, were both responsible for the murder and persecution of civilians; and if I were in her position, I would have also said the same thing about those scumbags. Our planet does not need bellends like Gaddafi and he and Justin Bieber should both be sent to Guantanamo before anyone else is put through any more torture at the hands of either of them.

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Justin Bieber

If you thought cheese infested with maggots was gross, look what we've got in store for you this week. Yes, that's right, a maggot named Justin Bieber. His music is just plain awful and he sounds like Elmo on helium. Seriously, what does Selena Gomez see in that nutjob? I mean, come on, she's better off going out with Amy Chua or a serial rapist.

Also, that 3D movie they made about Bieber was just rubbish and it was the worst 105 minutes of my life – 105 minutes I'll never get back. They should've never put that rubbish out, and if there was an N word for horrible musicians like Justin Bieber, I'd use it right here, right now. And speaking of right here, right now, Jesus Jones are also rubbish. I mean, seriously, what sort of a name is Jesus Jones? Are those nutjobs claiming to be the reincarnation of some carpenter who claimed to be the son of some fictional higher power? I mean, what is the deal with that?

NATO needs to do more

Libyan authorities accused NATO of killing 15 people in an airstrike yesterday that they said hit a restaurant and bakery in the east, though the alliance denied the report. It was the latest outcry from Gaddafi’s government blaming NATO for killing civilians amid a four-month uprising that has sparked a civil war. NATO insists it does all it can to avoid such casualties, and even if NATO did kill all those people, then they should've snuffed Gaddafi as well. That bellend has been nothing but a 42-year-long nightmare that the Libyan people have had to endure, and his reign of terror still isn't over. Like I said, NATO needs to do more.

Gaddafi is becoming unpopular fast

The Obama administration has secured a victory, as US lawmakers voted down a Republican effort to cut off money for US operations in the Libya conflict. The resolution would have struck current-year defense funding for the Libya mission, with exceptions for search and rescue, intelligence, surveillance, reconnaissance, aerial refueling, and operational planning.

This comes after the House of Representatives voted against a resolution giving President Obama authority to order US operations in Libya. Earlier, a resolution that would have authorized Obama's limited military intervention against Gaddafi for a year was also voted down. This is a shame because the measures to authorise the US mission in Libya could have paved the way for deployment of ground forces, which we know will be needed in taking that bellend Gaddafi out of office.

Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan is under house arrest (thank God), and the Gambia has finally adopted a food safety law. Under the new act, known as the "Food Safety and Quality Bill 2011", food operators in the Gambia are obliged to ensure food safety, quality production, processing, and distribution within the business under their control and that their products must satisfy the requirements and regulations as demanded.

Medical care must be cheaper by the prison

James Richard Verone, who is charged with the $1 robbery of an RBC Bank branch in North Carolina, has never been in trouble with the law before. Mr Verone, who was unemployed and facing several health problems, walked into the bank and handed the bank teller a note that read: "This is a bank robbery. Please give me $1." He then sat in the bank waiting for the police to arrive. The 59-year-old, who had no health insurance, has a growth on his chest, two ruptured disks and a problem with his left foot, said he committed the robbery because he believed prison was the best place he could go to for medical attention. This is just a stupid idea, especially for just $1. He might get cheap medical care while in the joint, but getting yourself in trouble with the law isn't the best place to go. You can also go overseas to get a cheaper deal on medical treatment, but the savings can be offset somewhat by the cost of air travel. Or maybe he could've gone behind a motel for treatment, but those illegal operations tend to specialise in abortion, and at any rate, are possibly not safe. But if prison seems to be the best way to go, then don't come crying to me when you get a "booster shot" in your back end courtesy of another inmate.

Bring the troops home, Obama

Beginning to wind down a long and devastating war, President Barack Obama announced last night he was pulling home 33,000 troops from Afghanistan before the election next year, withdrawing the "surge" of forces he had sent to rescue a flailing effort. Said Obama to a country eager for an exit: "The tide of war is receding." The tide of war may be receding but they're still planning to keep 70,000 soldiers there. The war is now pointless, maybe except for removing the rest of al-Qaeda from the face of the earth, and once al-Qaeda is no more, the entire US Army should then invade North Korea and liberate it from that scumbag Kim Jong-Il.

The proof is in the picture

Cigarette makers must add large, graphic warning labels depicting diseased lungs, a man exhaling smoke through a hole in his neck, and other images to packaging and advertising in the U.S. by October 2012. It's about time the FDA introduced such a directive. We have similar images on cigarette packets in New Zealand and the labels are getting people here to quit, as are taxes, which could be increased further. Smoking is a leading cause of death in several countries and more needs to be done. For instance, if filmmakers are going to have characters smoking in their movies, there should be taxes on those movies. Or there could be taxes on smoking paraphernalia like pipes and also on rolling papers. Taxes could also be increased on flavoured cigarettes, or import duties on tobacco could be increased. Or maybe they could just call the whole thing off and extend the US embargo on Cuban cigars to apply to ALL tobacco no matter what form it's in or where it was grown.

They should be leaving on a jet plane by now

Japanese parents living near the tsunami-hit Fukushima nuclear plant issued an "emergency petition" today, demanding the government do more to protect their children from radiation exposure. A coalition of six citizens' and environmental groups called for the evacuation of children and pregnant women from radiation hotspots, stricter monitoring, and the early closure of schools for summer holidays. A better idea would be for people to move out of the area on their own, preferably get out of Japan and start a new life because atmospheric radiation levels show no sign of abating, and that means the inhabitants of heavily contaminated areas will continue to endure high radiation doses, both externally and internally. To minimize such exposure, residents should be evacuated promptly to areas where radiation is less severe. Top priority must be given to infants, children, and expectant mothers - all highly susceptible to radiation effects (look at what happened with Chernobyl).

WEEKLY GROSS-OUT: Casu marzu

I am adding a new regular feature: the Weekly Gross-out. On Mondays, I will find something gross for you to feast your eyes on. This week, it's a cheese from the Italian island of Sardinia. The cheese is known as casu marzu, and it's created by leaving whole Pecorino cheeses outside with part of the rind removed to allow the eggs of the cheese fly (Piophila casei) to be laid in the cheese. A female Piophila casei can lay more than five hundred eggs at one time. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese's fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid seeping out. By the time it is ready for consumption, a typical casu marzu will contain thousands of these maggots.

This cheese goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would consider decomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the maggots, who appear as translucent white worms, about 8 millimetres long, and when disturbed, the larvae can launch themselves for distances of nearly 15 centimetres. I can't believe that anybody would be so disgusting as to deliberately introduce maggots into cheese and then eat it. This is just filthy and I can't believe anyone would eat anything as foul as cheese with maggots in it. That cheese should be banned before someone gets sick.

The Libyan rebels are advancing!

Meanwhile, two countries over, Morocco's youth-based February 20 Movement has called for nationwide protests against constitutional changes proposed by King Mohammed VI. The king outlined curbs to his wide political powers in an address to the nation on Friday and pledged to build a constitutional monarchy with a democratic parliament. But there are calls for a truly democratic constitution and a parliamentary monarchy, because even though the king is devolving some of his powers to the Prime Minister (for instance, the prime minister would be able to appoint government officials and dissolve parliament, and the new constitution ensures the prime minister is selected from the party that received the most votes in the election rather than just one chosen by the king), there are still some things he's holding on to, for instance, the king would remain a key power-broker in the security, military, and religious fields. While the head of state should be given some powers, more can be done because the last thing Morocco needs is a bloody revolution like in Egypt or Libya.

Maybe the real fags are homophobes

In what the U.S. State Department is calling a "historic step," the U.N. Human Rights Council passed a resolution yesterday supporting equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation. The resolution, introduced by South Africa, is the first-ever U.N. resolution on the human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered persons. It passed with 23 votes in favor, 19 opposed, and three abstentions amid strong criticism of South Africa by some African nations. This is indeed a historic step, and it really is a critical beginning of the universal recognition of a new set of rights, and it sends a clear message that abuses based on sexual orientation and gender identity must end. So if you're engaging in homophobic behaviour, you'd better stop because you yourself could be a homosexual. That goes for you too, Mr. Homophobe.

I am Saudi woman, hear me drive!

Saudi women have started their campaign to get behind the wheel in protest to defy the government ban on women's driving. The organizers of the online campaign say some Saudi women drove around the capital, Riyadh, before dawn today without incident. If you thought Saudi Arabia was in the Dark Ages, feast yourselves upon this: Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world that bans women (both Saudi and foreign) from driving. Saudi women are also barred from voting and deprived of a choice in marriage, divorce, and children's custody. The females are dictated to and guarded by male relatives and cannot travel without the consent of a male guardian. In essence, having a vagina as opposed to a penis would make you a second-class citizen over there. This is just not right, and if I were a woman living in Saudi Arabia, I'd disguise myself as a man, drive (yes, drive) to the airport, and get myself out of that wasteland and go to wherever the next flight to an English-speaking country is going and start a new life.

Today's inmate, tomorrow's terrorist

US prisons are becoming a hotbed for indoctrinating inmates and turning them into radical Muslims, US lawmakers were told yesterday in the second of a series of controversial hearings. This is bad news because this generation of inmates, if they escape or are released, could in time wind up back behind bars for terrorism. As if the rate of reoffending wasn't bad enough, outside influences access those on the inside, and inmates reach from the inside out. Individuals and groups that subscribe to radical Islamic ideology have made sustained efforts to target inmates for indoctrination. A solution to this problem would be to have separate prisons for Muslims and non-Muslims. Or, because segregation is a breach of civil rights legislation, a better solution to keep these outside influences from reaching the prisons could be to tear a leaf from Guantanamo's book and maybe play the Sesame Street or Barney theme tune over and over 24/7 on the prison intercom. Or maybe there should be more use of alternatives to prison like fines or community service (or maybe bringing back judicial corporal punishment) to reduce the chance of a not-so-serious offender becoming a potential terrorist on release.

Fifty-one Nifty United States?

This is NOT the American flag – that only has 50 stars. But this 51-star design may soon become the American flag if Arizona splits into two, so you should probably get used to it now.

Today, I came across the website for a political group called Start Our State. Their aim is for the southern parts of Arizona to become a new state called Baja Arizona. However, there are some parts of the world that I feel to be more deserving of the 51st star. For instance, the Bahamas, which are just to the east of Florida, should join the US, either as part of Florida or as a state in its own right. This way, American travellers to the popular tourist destination wouldn't have airport security touching their private areas (it's not an initiation ritual, it's just part of the over-the-top security measures at international airports in post-9/11 America) because they will still be in America upon landing in Nassau. Or maybe, all of Washington DC (excluding the National Mall, Capitol Hill, and the White House) could become a new state or join Maryland or Virginia. There is also a movement for the counties near the Oregon-California border to form a new state called Jefferson. Or they could add US territories as states, for instance, Puerto Rico can become a state with or without the US Virgin Islands; or the territories in the Pacific (Guam and Northern Marianas; the independent nations of Marshall Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, and Palau; and maybe American Samoa) can join Hawaii or become a new state which could be called Pacifica. And while we're on the topic of adding Pacific islands to the portfolio, maybe New Zealand should become the next state. I can think of several reasons why New Zealand should become the 51st state of the United States:

1. We would now get to bully Australia (and probably bowl them underarm).
   
2. No more royal tours.
   
3. Cheaper gas (or petrol as it's called here).
   
4. The SAS would get the much cooler name of Delta Force.
   
5. We would now be with the possessors of the Olympic Gold Medal for Rugby Union.
   
6. We instantly have an effective free trade agreement with the US, and will be part of the NAFTA free trade alliance with Canada and Mexico.
   
7. The ANZUS Treaty would then become the A’n'US treaty.
   
8. Just as one has African-Americans, Asian-Americans, and Arab-Americans, we would be Kiwi-Americans.
   
9. We'd no longer need to fund MFAT (whatever that is).
   
10. Someone earning NZ$100,000 (just over US$80,000) would only pay 19.5% federal income tax (in addition to what I hope are relatively small state taxes) instead of the average 29.5% currently imposed.
    
11. Those indecent nutjobs at airport security won't need to touch our junk when we go to, for example, New York or LA, because we'd already be in America.
    
12. Even though we'd be part of America, we would now have a New Zealander in charge instead of an old British woman.
    
13. The Breakers could leave the Australian National Basketball League and join the NBA.
    
14. 1- and 5-cent pieces will make a comeback.
    
15. Because we might have to change our time zone from UTC+12 to UTC-12, New Zealand can celebrate the 4th of July twice in the lead-up to statehood.
    

UPDATE: I've just thought of one more: Because we would have to start driving on the right, that means we could import nice-looking cars direct from Italy or the US without having to shift the steering wheel.

It's a shame there are still nutjobs who support Gaddafi

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has pressed some of the world's last remaining friends of Colonel Gaddafi to abandon that bellend and join the growing international demand for him to give up power. She told African nations that their solidarity with the Libyan people could make the difference for a peaceful future, and she may well be right. Gaddafi seized power in a coup in 1969, and another coup may be needed to get him out. Words and actions can make a difference in bringing this horrible situation to a close and allowing the people of Libya to get to work rebuilding their country. This conflict has gone on long enough and it's time for Gaddafi to stand down and face the International Criminal Court.

What up, Digger?

Stephen Fry is rewriting history and it has upset one man who lived through it. Fry is the script-writer for a new version of the 1955 Dambusters film, which is about a famous British raid on the Germans. It stars a dog with a difficult name, so Fry has decided the name should be replaced with ‘Digger’. The man that this change has supposedly upset seriously needs to get a life because these days, the N word is a racist slur directed at black people and should never ever be used in any place at any time. A lot has changed since the raids - for instance, people didn't really think much of the N word causing offence, and nowadays, there's less discipline in schools than there used to be, but this can be solved by bringing back the strap or the cane. Also, we didn't have very many of the modern conveniences we take for granted, and the human race was only just beginning to recognise tobacco's harmful effects. But good on you, Mr. Fry, for removing that awful word from your script. I hope the movie turns a profit.

It's been fifteen months since we started

But let's get to the point here: Syrian government forces have advanced into the northern town of Jisr al-Shughour as part of a widespread government crackdown. Witnesses reported an attack using tanks and helicopter gunships after an early morning bombardment. The government says it is trying to restore order after it claimed 120 security personnel had been killed, but residents say the dead were killed after a mutiny and fighting between the security forces. Bashar al-Assad needs to step down before any more damage is done because this latest government advance is causing more and more people to leave Syria and head for refugee camps across the Turkish border. Two camps are already full of refugees and a third is filling up rapidly. Syria's crackdown is creating a humanitarian crisis, and the International Committee for the Red Cross (ICRC) needs to be given access to the area so this can be sorted out.

Things are getting a bit random here

That's right, I'm adding a random number generator to my blog. You can use it if you want, but it's primarily here to help me choose between several news stories if I can't decide which nutjob(s) to bring down (my trick will be to assign a number to each news story and let the generator do the rest). It's much better than flipping a coin, especially when you don't have one on you.

Note to self: Don't leave a teenager in charge

An 18-month-old boy drowned in a bathtub after being held under water by a five-year-old girl in Kansas City. Police officers said they were treating the death of the boy as homicide, after the girl told social workers she held him under water to stop his crying. The good news? He stopped crying. The bad news? Both children, along with others, were under the supervision of a teenager while an adult had left to pick up the father of the 18-month-old boy, and the teenager should've been in the bathroom watching those two. Whoever left the teen in charge did so without any regard to that or any other shenanigans the kids could have gotten up to. The blame should not be on the 5-year-old, who obviously did not know any better and is too young to face criminal charges anyway, but it should be divided up between that irresponsible teenager for leaving two young children unsupervised near water, and the adult who left that nutjob in charge. That was just careless and I hope they go to prison for letting this horrific incident happen.

Think you're grossed out by maggots? Read this!

Indiana woman Angela Voelkert wanted a little dirt on her husband as she prepared for a messy divorce, so she posed online as a teen to trick him into dishing some damaging details, and what she learned was astounding: he was plotting to kill her and run off with their kids. Angela created a fake profile of a teen named Jessica Studebaker last month, complete with a picture of an anonymous teenybopper, and became Facebook friends with her gullible hubby David (pictured). I don't know who had the more malicious motives, but one thing is for certain: that maggot is going down, not for plotting to murder his wife (yet), but he apparently also installed a GPS tracker on her van, and was charged in federal court for doing so. Officials say he could face more serious charges. I hope he gets locked up for a long time because this unethical behaviour is just not on, and some time behind bars will most definitely sort that nutjob out.

There's no such thing as psychics

The police in East Texas were led on a fruitless search last night when a woman, claiming to be a psychic, called in a sensational tip, saying she knew of a mass grave where dozens of dismembered bodies were buried. Equipped with a search warrant and cadaver-sniffing dogs, deputies from the Liberty County Sheriff’s Office converged on a home on a narrow country road near Hardin (about an hour outside Houston) in search of a macabre crime scene. The news of a mass grave in rural Texas set off a news media frenzy: throngs of reporters camped outside the home, two news helicopters circled above, and cable news stations flashed alerts that up to 30 bodies had been found. But in the end, there was no grave, there were no bodies, and there was no sign that any crime had been committed. But there was a crime: the misleading call that created the spectacle in the first place. This is a stupid waste of police time and the woman who did it is a complete bellend who was just looking for her 15 minutes of fame when there were other places to find it, for example, she could've made a video and loaded it onto YouTube with the hope of being among other Internet phenomena like that double rainbow guy or the video with the two girls and one cup.

It serves him right

Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh has suffered a collapsed lung and burns on 40% of his body, U.S. government officials briefed on the matter said, as the fate of the embattled leader, and whether he will return to the conflict in Yemen, remains uncertain. Saleh was injured on Friday from an attack at his presidential compound and is seeking treatment in Saudi Arabia. An Arab diplomatic source with knowledge of Saleh's condition says one shrapnel wound is 7 centimeters (almost 3 inches) deep. This serves him right for all the harm that he has done to the people of Yemen. If nutjobs like Saleh want to make trouble for the people they have responsibility over, then they should expect the people to revolt in the same way. Last week, Yemen's government faced condemnation from the United Nations and others for the killing of as many as 50 anti-government demonstrators in Taiz, and now, their leader is paying the price and I won't be surprised if that maggot goes six feet under.

If rebels can't do it... NATO can!

British jets hit a military barracks in Tripoli yesterday, intensifying NATO pressure on Gaddafi nearly four months into an uprising to end his erratic 42-year rule. The airstrikes on the barracks, which have been repeated targets of NATO strikes, followed the Western alliance's first use of attack helicopters on Saturday. This is some rather welcoming news, and by intensifying attacks from the air and using helicopters to target government forces who melt into the civilian population for cover, NATO is providing a major boost to Libyan rebel forces who have seized much of the country's east and gained toeholds in the west. But foreign governments should be arming the Libyan rebels because that scumbag Gaddafi will not go down without a fight.

Another rating disaster by the OFLC

Today, I saw the film Barney's Version. I noticed several scenes of various characters in the film smoking - and there were people smoking cigars, cigarettes, and cigarillos (which are sort of a compromise between the other two). Also, there was one scene early on in which a black guy was punched to the ground in an unprovoked (or maybe racially motivated) attack. And despite all of this, the movie was still given the M rating by those disgraces at the Office of Film and Literature Classification. The M rating carries the recommendation "suitable for mature audiences 16 years and over" but is not restricted, which is a pity because children can still be admitted to screenings. If a kid saw that travesty, they would think smoking and beating up people of other races is cool.

Web's out in Syria

Syrians poured into the streets yesterday in some of the largest anti-government protests yet despite the shutdown of much of Syria’s internet network, which has been crucial to the protesters’ ability to mobilize and a major source of information for those outside the country. The crowds protesting the authoritarian rule of President Bashar al-Assad appeared fueled in part by escalating anger about the torture and killing of a 13-year-old boy. Witnesses said protesters in dozens of communities yesterday dedicated their marches to him and other children killed during the uprising. Al-Assad is not a nice man and this blatant violation of the right to seek and impart information will not be tolerated. What Syria needs right now is some of those new solutions that America have been working on to help circumvent other governments' restrictions on Internet freedom, but it could probably just be a few rogue WiFi networks being operated from a plane or something like that.

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest but here goes

A federal judge has ordered a Texas school district to prohibit public prayer at a high school graduation ceremony. Chief U.S. District Judge Fred Biery’s order against the Medina Valley Independent School District also forbids students from using specific religious words including “prayer” and “amen.” This may seem to you like a violation of First Amendment rights but this is to do with a high school graduation taking place on the grounds of a public school. Church and state are two separate entities. The church should not meddle in the state's affairs, and the state should not meddle in the church's affairs. The judge did grant students permission to make the sign of the cross, wear religious garb, or kneel to face Mecca, and if I believed in the relevant bunches of lies, I'd probably see that concession as sufficient.

Tax it, don't ban it

The global war on drugs has failed and governments should explore legalising marijuana and other controlled substances, according to a commission that includes former heads of state, a former U.N. secretary-general, and a business mogul. We all know that some of those drugs, for instance crack, are even worse than tobacco. However, if governments legalise some drugs, for instance marijuana, then they could use this to add to a stream of tax revenue. But there are other ways of bringing in taxes. We already know of taxes on tobacco, alcohol, junk food, and the like, but I have some more novel ideas on how to milk some tax revenue. For example, if a movie contains scenes of people smoking, then the government can require cinemas to put ticket prices up 5 or 10% for those specific movies and put it towards anti-smoking programmes. Or they could put a tax on vuvuzelas and use the money on programmes for deaf people. Or maybe they could tax objects that have the potential to be used for child or spousal abuse, and have the money go towards initiatives designed to prevent such abuse. Or maybe they could just legalise pot and have a $50 tax on each ounce.

And the prom queen is... a guy?

That's right, folks. Just about every girl growing up dreams of being prom queen, and so did Andrew Viveros from Davie, Florida (in the blue dress), who had his wish become a reality when he was crowned McFatter High School's prom queen Friday night. Viveros, who for the past two years has gone by the name Andii, is a transgender who fought to get his name on the prom queen ballot. He is the first transgender to be named prom queen at a public school in the United States, and this is despite a group of player-haters who didn't think Viveros should have been allowed to compete for the title and started a petition to get his name off the ballot, which I think is a stupid and narrow-minded thing to do. I wish Andii all the best for the future.

Looks like we've copped a big bellend this month

It's not Hosni Mubarak. It's not Colonel Gaddafi or Ali Abdullah Saleh. It's not even Kim Jong-Il or Amy Chua. The Bellend of the Month for May 2011 is none other than the Police Minister of New Zealand, Judith Collins. It was revealed this month that in addition to having a chauffeur-driven BMW, that disgraceful nutjob has spent over $11000 of public money on petrol for a taxpayer-funded car that she drives herself. But that is not the end of that corrupt maggot's rap sheet.

She is also rejecting a call for more resources to help prisons cope with a ban on smoking. I agree that there should be a ban, but new inmates who are forced to quit smoking when they enter prison could be at risk of harming themselves or staff. The best solution is never to even start that filthy habit in the first place.

And last but by no means least, that bellend has pledged to support a Private Member's Bill to prevent girls under 16 having abortions without their parents being told. This is stupid because especially when they are at such a vulnerable age, doctors should respect girls' confidentiality when it comes to reproductive health. And if the girl comes from an abusive household, the news of the pregnancy would cause even more strife. Or maybe, a medical condition in one of the parents could be exacerbated by the fact that their daughter is pregnant. This approach to the issue would see more terminations, and a rise in illegal backstreet abortions. It is just plain horrible that some other parts of the world already have such a catastrophic travesty on the books.

I wouldn't pay. Would you?

A British man who had his sperm frozen in case he became infertile was astonished to learn that his ex-wife had tricked an IVF clinic into twice making her pregnant. He then had to pay £100,000 towards the upbringing of the son and daughter he had known nothing about. This is something that no parent should ever have to go through, and the ex-wife should be locked up for fraud because after their divorce back in 2000, she visited the clinic and forged his signature to allow doctors to create embryos from his frozen sperm and her egg. This sort of behaviour is unethical, and if you're engaging in this rubbish, then you're not being a good role model to your kids. But this isn't entirely her fault: it's obviously partly his fault for leaving his sperm there for that bellend to use, but the clinic should also bear some of the weight of this: they should have insisted that both the donor and the recipient be present, physically, and with the correct identification, to sign the documentation required before agreeing to the release and use of the sperm. They were negligent in that they let that manipulative nutjob use his sperm without his consent, and they should be made to pay him back his £100,000.

Ain't that the truce

The Yemeni government and a powerful rebel tribe have not reached a ceasefire agreement, both sides said today after days of street battles and the seizure of key government buildings by the tribe. The rebel tribe had just cause to seize government buildings: Ali Abdullah Saleh has been resisting protests calling on him to step down after 33 long, tortuous years in power. He backed out of a deal last week to ease him out of office and he is now paying dearly for being such a fool - one which not even Mr. T can pity.

In Soviet Russia, Gaddafi deposes YOU!

Russian President Dimitri Medvedev has joined American and other European leaders in calling for Gaddafi to step down. This gesture from one of America's former enemies is a sign of a shift that appears to indicate a closing diplomatic window for the longtime Libyan strongman, but there is more Russia could do than just add to calls for resignation - for instance, they could arm the rebels, aim nuclear weapons at Tripoli, or even deploy some or all of their military. Or they could even cut all diplomatic ties with Gaddafi and not just recognise both camps as co-legitimate representatives of Libya like they're doing now.

The Saleh should be over by now

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton says the United States is troubled by political intransigence in Yemen amid ongoing violence there. Clinton says Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh has repeatedly "reneged" on promises to step down, and she says the U.S. and other countries are trying hard to get him out, and they'd better be because that douche, along with other bellends like Mubarak and Gaddafi, has continual lack of democratic reform, widespread corruption, and several human rights abuses under his belt. On the 18th, that nutjob agreed to sign a deal with opposition groups, stipulating that he would resign within a month; however, he later reneged on that commitment and it's time to get that scumbag out, even if it means executing him.

Prison numbers could go down soon

The state of California worked at it, worked at it, worked at it, and finally, they did it. On Monday, the way inmates are jammed into prisons was found to meet the constitutional definition of cruel and unusual punishment. One achievement was to have nearly twice as many inmates as the prisons were designed to hold, and the amazing thing is that they had pulled this off despite building a new prison every year or so. Now, the U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, has ordered that inmate numbers be thinned by 33,000 or so. One way to do this is to release some of the prisoners that have been sentenced to unduly harsh terms under the three strikes law - this means that if you receive a felony conviction in certain jurisdictions and you already have two or more priors, you could go to prison for 25 years or more, and this rubbish can lead to some rather unjust sentences; one example was a guy from southern California who got 50 years in prison just for stealing some videotapes when a more reasonable term would have been just one year.

Mubarak's about to get a taste of his own medicine

Egypt's former President Hosni Mubarak will become the first Arab head of state to face trial after being deposed by his own people, marking a pivotal moment in the revolutions that have swept across more than half a dozen nations since the start of this year. Mubarak and his two sons, Alaa and Gamal, will face charges of intentional murder, attempted murder of demonstrators, abuse of power to intentionally waste public funds, and unlawfully profiting from public funds for them and for others. I can't think of any better news and I'm hoping they execute that maggot. The last 30 years have been nothing but torture for the Egyptian people, and it will hopefully be over someday.

Could this be it for Gaddafi?

NATO aircraft launched a barrage of strikes on the Libyan capital today. At least 18 rockets struck Tripoli in the heaviest onslaught since the aerial strikes began, and for good reason - that scumbag Gaddafi has lost legitimacy to rule. He cannot regain control of Libya, and he must step down immediately. His forces still represent a threat to civilians and it is only fitting that arrest warrants have been issued by the International Criminal Court for that nutjob. Too bad Kim Jong Il's not covered by the warrant.

Blackpool drown in final match of the season

Old Trafford was the scene of this morning's Man United v Blackpool game, and the final scoreline was 4-2 to Man U. Man U's goals were scored by Ji-Sung Park, Anderson, and Michael Owen, along with an own goal scored by Ian Evatt. Blackpool's goals were scored by Charlie Adam and Gary Taylor-Fletcher. Three yellow cards were shown.

Miss Arnold's Chinese luck has come to an end

China Arnold, who killed her one-month-old daughter in a microwave in 2005, was spared the death penalty and sentenced to life without parole in what happens to be her third trial over the incident, and it looks like her lucky run is over. Her first trial ended in a mistrial, and she was found guilty in the second but the conviction was reversed on appeal, and third time around, a jury convicted that maggot of aggravated murder two weeks ago and recommended her punishment on Friday. Life without parole just isn't enough when it comes to microwaving your one-month-old baby because it means that that bellend is still alive and as an inmate in a corrections facility, she is also a drain on the taxpayer as far as food (which should be reduced to nothing but bread and water) and lodging goes. She should get the chair for such a heinous crime.

Just wait till the rebels get involved

Libya has accused NATO of causing a humanitarian crisis after airstrikes targeted the government-controlled port in Tripoli, saying the attacks have limited movement of supply ships in and out of the country. I think that if that scumbag Gaddafi is going to continue mining waters in Misrata and hampering the flow of humanitarian aid to the rebels, then NATO were well within their rights to strike Tripoli the way they did, and I don't believe for one second that the airstrikes violated a UN resolution. NATO targeted the ships after it was apparent that Gaddafi's forces were increasingly using naval vessels to launch attacks on civilians, and they were well within their rights to do so.