A year ago today, we were on post number 50

And today, we have another Bellend of the Month to shame and dishonour: Bethany Storro. You may have heard of her as a victim of an acid attack, but it was discovered this month that the bellend made the whole thing up. She gained sympathy around the world after a stranger supposedly threw acid in her face, but when the cops found holes in her story, she confessed, saying the severe burns she suffered in the horrific 'attack' were actually 'self-inflicted'. This is really nasty stuff considering hundreds of hours of police time were wasted as a result of this and the alleged attacker was described as black, and if this sort of carry-on had taken place in Iran, she would probably have acid thrown at her for real.

Will and Kate are getting married as I type

But seriously guys, royal weddings aren't really news. However, I checked the blog stats today and found out that in addition to the countries I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, there have also been some hits from Slovenia, Iran, India, and Singapore over the 13½ month period that this blog has been up. This is really encouraging news and it is a sign that at least somebody is paying attention. Keep it up.

This one-child thing needs to stop

China's population is aging rapidly, their government said today, though its leaders are refusing to relax strict family planning controls that are part of the cause. Also, the Chinese have been able to stop foot-binding but they haven't stopped dumping unwanted baby girls, and those autocrats at the top of the heap seriously need to make some changes - a good compromise may be to let couples have a second child if their first one is a girl, and if there are twins, they should be allowed to keep both. Amy Chua may be a horrible parent to her children but even she wouldn't abort either of them simply because they're girls. In fact, she has three younger sisters and none of them were aborted on account of their gender.

Who needs earthquakes?

Consumers got a different sort of jolt this week with news that the price of coffee was hovering near US$3 a pound, the highest price in more than three decades, forcing many coffee houses to consider raising prices or cutting services. This has obviously been brought on by bad weather in some of the world's top coffee-producing regions, but the price increases are just unnecessary. They could always find some other place to grow coffee, maybe an uninhabited island somewhere in the Carribbean or maybe Tahiti could claim Pitcairn Island for itself, hang all the child-molesters, evacuate the other 40 or so inhabitants, and then have the whole place overrun with coffee bushes. It's just a matter of finding somewhere good enough for a plantation.

And they call it HUMANCENTiPAD

That's the season premiere of South Park, which is set to air in the USA and Canada on the 27th at 10pm Eastern and Pacific (9pm elsewhere). I thought the episode would finally stick it to Amy Chua's parenting style, which is of the "don't try this at home" variety, what with all the forced piano and violin practice, insults along the lines of "garbage" and "worthless" if so much as an A minus is brought home (come on guys, even D is still a passing grade in the States), and the threats of burning stuffed animals or donating dollhouses to the Salvation Army. But instead, they chose to do a mash-up of the iPad and the movie The Human Centipede. Maybe they'll bring down Amy Chua's "tiger" parenting in the next episode.

Everton get burnt at Old Trafford

Yesterday morning's Man United versus Everton clash ended with the only acceptable outcome - Man United totally pwning those bellends. The final score was 1-0 to the Reds, with the goal scored in the closing minutes by Javier Hernandez, and 3 players were booked.

Hope you guys are enjoying Easter

Too bad Easter's not on roughly the same date every year. And to make matters worse for workers in New Zealand, Easter Monday is on the same date as ANZAC Day this year and our stingy government are not man enough to ask of employers that their employees be given separate days off for both holidays like in Australia. This, along with some unusual sporting code associated with Melbourne, the overall lower tax rates (for instance, 10% GST compared to our 15%), and the warmer climate, is why those cheating, underarm-bowling, descendants of British convicts are attracting Kiwis over to the Dark Side. Unless our tax rates come way down and our workforce gets a way better deal, then this exodus will continue for a long, long time to come.

It's time to retreat, Mr. Gaddafi

Libyan troops captured by rebels in Misrata said the army has been ordered to retreat from the besieged port, marking a possible shift in a two-month revolt against Gaddafi. But one city isn't enough - the rebels really need to go all out if they are to win against that scumbag. Gaddafi has been in power for 42 years, and that's 42 years too long when it comes to nutjobs like him.

Elsewhere in the Arab world, clashes in Syria have resulted in several deaths, and Tripoli has been bombed.

Happy Easter, everybody

I hope the Easter Bunny leaves you lots of chocolate eggs and your teeth don't rot from all the sugar.

Big Brother is watching... well, not exactly

Researchers Pete Warden and Alasdair Allan have discovered that iPhones and 3G iPads regularly record your position into a hidden file. Ever since you upgraded to iOS 4, your device has been storing a long list of latitude-longitude coordinates and timestamps. The presence of this data on your iPhone, your iPad, and your backups could have some serious privacy implications, and to make matters worse, the file with said data is unencrypted and unprotected, and it's also on any machine you've synced with your iOS device. If your device is stolen, the perpetrator can jailbreak it and easily access the file in question (called consolidated.db), and will be able to see where you've been over the last year, since iOS 4 was released. This is a very big security concern indeed, and unless Apple have a good reason for collecting this data, they should fix this in some way, maybe encrypt the file on the next iOS release.

United they stand, united they fall

This morning’s Man United v Newcastle United clash at St James Park was rather uneventful with no goals, however, four bellends were booked.

Here's a true rebel without a cause

Baltimore County police charged a 13-year-old boy Sunday night after Maryland State Police on a training mission reported being hit by a laser beam while in flight. The bellend was charged as a juvenile with reckless endangerment and laser pointer misuse. He was released into the custody of his parents, which is a bad mistake on the part of the police force because using laser pointers on aircraft can be extremely dangerous and cause blindness in the pilots, as well as crashes. A night in juvenile hall would've really set that nutjob straight because this sort of carry-on might be all fun and games when you're too young to smoke or drink or use a firearm, but not if you end up causing a crash. If I were that kid's father, I would've brought him to the police station myself.

Meat salad, yummy yummy

Yummy yummy yummy yummy meat salad! Yes, that's right. Some guy on YouTube finally has the guts to challenge Jamie Oliver and his awful-tasting school dinners, and the meat "salad" isn't the only one of their artery-clogging recipes. Check out their unhealthy recipe here.

Don't deny it, he supplied it

Evidence is mounting that Libyan Government forces are using banned cluster bombs against rebels and civilians despite denials by Colonel Gaddafi's spokesman. This new development concerns a war crime and if cluster bombs are in fact being used, that scumbag should be brought before the International Criminal Court in The Hague and possibly executed. Those weapons are banned by the Convention on Cluster Munitions and should never have been used against the rebels, or anyone for that matter (except Kim Jong-Il).

Get outta my pub!

Two gay men say their first-date kiss got them thrown out of the John Snow pub. Jonathan Williams says he and his date, James Bull, were asked to leave after sharing what they described as a "hands-on-the-table" kiss at the pub in Soho, which is normally known as one of London's gay-friendliest neighbourhoods. Anger snowballed after Williams tweeted about the incident late Wednesday, and within 24 hours, the story was on the front page of Britain's Guardian newspaper and the pair were describing their ordeal on national radio. This sort of discriminatory behaviour is stupid, especially for a pub which is in a nominally gay-friendly part of London, and the bellends in charge of the pub need to either go with the flow or relocate, possibly to some hick town in Texas where their puritanical and narrow-minded views will be shared by most of the townspeople.

FOUR HUNDRED POSTS TODAY

And now for something that doesn't make sense

To those New Zealanders who download films, music and television from the internet: beware – you could be getting a note in the mail. A new law was passed 111 votes to 11 in Parliament this morning and as a result, copyright holders can now complain about specific users downloading their material. Three warnings and it’s off to a tribunal, where you can be fined up to $15,000 – unless you can prove yourself innocent. But this is just horrible. Laws holding people guilty until they can prove themselves innocent are the first sign that a country is turning into North Korea. The laws are just stupid and I will continue downloading pirated music and movies because it's a lot cheaper and besides, once you become famous, the public owns you for life. Just because Limewire was shut down last year by those bullies working for the RIAA doesn't mean you can't get your fill, so keep looking around.

Bye bye, burqas

France (home to Europe's biggest Muslim population) has officially banned women from wearing full-face veils (for instance, the burqa and the niqab) in public places. Other European countries have drawn up bans on the full-face veils but France is the first to risk stirring social tensions by actually putting one into practice. But the burqa isn't really necessary because it's actually more a part of cultural heritage than religious practice, and only around 2,000 women, from a total French Muslim population estimated at between four and six million, wear the full-face veils that are traditional in parts of Arabia and South Asia. The ban does not extend to head coverings that still show the face, and I think this ban is only fair because if even non-Muslim women have to wear head coverings in certain Arab countries, then those coverings can be banned in the West.

Almost 400 posts

And I've checked the blog's stats: we've had a rather international audience with readers coming here from Australia, Singapore, Colombia, France, the USA, Canada, China, Malaysia, Egypt, Russia, Belarus, the UK, Germany, and South Korea, among many other countries. Keep up the support, and especially keep away from Amy Chua's bad parenting.

Fulham aren't so full of themselves now

Excuse the pun, but Fulham got burnt yesterday morning in the face of none other than Manchester United, who beat them 2-0 at Old Trafford. The goals were scored by Dimitar Berbatov and Antonio Valencia, and nobody got booked.

Crucify this, Mr. Party Secretary

Hundreds of Chinese police scrambled to prevent a planned outdoor service by a "homeless" church today, shoving people into vans and buses in the latest show of the Communist Party's determination to smother dissent and protests. The Shouwang Church, a Protestant group with about 1,000 members, had urged members to gather for the outdoor service after they said official pressure forced the church out of a place of worship it had been renting. But hundreds of police officers covered the area in the Zhongguancun commercial district, where the Shouwang Church had planned to worship, deterring any effort by church members and supporters to gather for the morning service. This blatant and egregious disrespect of human rights is not on. Amy Chua hypothesised in her 2007 bestseller Day of Empire that the great empires and hyperpowers all rose because there was tolerance of ethnic divisions, and if that bad parent is right, then China is likely to fall apart like most of the Arab nations are right now due to this blatant disrespect for religious belief and freedom of peaceable assembly.

Consider the shutdown shut down

Congressional leaders reached a last-gasp agreement yesterday to avert a shutdown of the federal government, after days of haggling and tense hours of brinksmanship. Under the deal, the Republicans won budget cuts of $38.5 billion for the remaining six months of the fiscal year, far more than either party had expected a few months ago. Democrats managed to hold off Republican demands to strip funding for the new health-care law and for a range of other Democratic priorities, and provisions to cut all federal funding to Planned Parenthood of America and National Public Radio also were dropped. They could've done more, but at least there's not going to be a shutdown like there was in 1995.

Kiwi ingenuity makes life easier once again

Forget No. 8 wire and the disposable syringe - Master Brewer Ian Williams claims to have unlocked the secret to faster home-brewed beer, unveiling in Auckland this afternoon the world’s first Personal Brewer. The hi-tech brewer takes seven days from start to finish – a quarter the time of traditional brewers – and promises 23 litres of commercial standard beer that maintains its tap-fresh taste years longer than household brands.

Now it's time to take Tripoli

New advances have led Libyan rebels to regain ground, on the oil port of Brega yesterday, after Gaddafi's forces retreated. They've recovered mostly desert terrain which was lost in a pell-mell retreat from superior government firepower the day before. An oil port is a huge advantage for the rebels, but now they need to take Tripoli because taking the capital will really stick it to Gaddafi, who is becoming a rather unpopular man throughout the Arab world.

How's this yawn for "technicolour"?

Last night, I watched that episode of The Cleveland Show where they went to Hawaii. In one scene, Donna Tubbs (Cleveland’s wife) was seen vomiting what appeared to be red, yellow, and blue stripes (which, in the reverse order, are the same colours as the Romanian flag). OK, so Romania may have Dracula and Nicolae Ceausescu, but they also have actual gymnastic talent there (for instance, Nadia Comaneci), they also had quite a few of the greats when it comes to arts and literature (Mihai Eminescu and Constantin Brancusi come to mind), their national rugby team has made it to every single Rugby World Cup, and a Palme d’Or-winning director also hails from there (Cristian Mungiu with 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days). So don’t just reject certain countries by puking out their flags. Only Amy Chua's super-strict "Chinese" parenting methods should be rejected like that.

New Zealand's gone soft

Kiwi rugby fans are less confident the All Blacks will win the Rugby World Cup this year than they were in 2003 when it was hosted by Australia, a UMR research poll has found. The results are from a nationwide poll and from answers to the same questions asked in 2003. But this is just stupid. The only time New Zealand has won the William Webb Ellis trophy was in 1987, when, quite ironically, the game was played at Eden Park. But if the All Blacks and the Springboks both make it to the final, then I hope it's South Africa that come down with food poisoning this time round.

Whoa! Double Down! What does it mean?

The Double Down is a controversial new "sandwich" that KFC are bringing to New Zealand next month. The new "sandwich" has bacon, cheese, and a "secret sauce" in between two Original Recipe fillets (no bread - great for those with the likes of coeliac disease) and it's a terrible nutritional choice for anyone, and those most likely to eat it are already at risk from obesity and unhealthy diet habits. The "sandwich" contains 32g of fat and 1380mg of sodium, and at 540 calories, would take up about a third of the average person's calorie intake per day, without providing essential nutrients.

4 in 20 minutes baked in a win

That describes a 20-minute period late in this morning's Man United versus West Ham clash at Upton Park in which Man U went from a 2-0 deficit to a 4-2 win. West Ham's goals were both scored by Mark Noble, and Man U's goals were made up of a hat-trick by Wayne Rooney, and then a single by Javier Hernandez. Three yellow cards were shown all up.

I thought that bellend wasn't going to burn a Koran

When you're scared of something different, it's best to try it because then you might like it. But not like Terry Jones did: the Florida-based pastor held a self-styled mock trial of the Koran last month in which he presided from the pulpit as judge. The prosecutor was a Christian who had converted from Islam, and an imam from Dallas defended the Koran. After listening to arguments from both sides, the jury (consisting of 12 members of Mr. Jones’s church, the Dove World Outreach Center) pronounced the Koran guilty of five “crimes against humanity,” including the promotion of terrorist acts and “the death, rape, and torture of people worldwide whose only crime is not being of the Islamic faith.” In a statement today, Mr. Jones demanded that the United States and United Nations take “immediate action” against Muslim nations in retaliation for the deaths, and that the time had come to hold Islam accountable. This is not the right way to handle the differences between religions. At least that bellend was decent enough to hold a trial before burning a Koran, but next time, I'd recommend, among other things, a more impartial jury.

CAUTION: dihydrogen monoxide about!

Dihydrogen monoxide is a very nasty chemical in, for example, our water. Stay away because dihydrogen monoxide:
*is called "hydroxyl acid", the substance is the major component of acid rain.
*contributes to the "greenhouse effect".
*may cause severe burns.
*is fatal if inhaled.
*contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
*accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
*may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
*has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
*as an industrial solvent and coolant.
*in nuclear power plants.
*in the production of Styrofoam.
*as a fire retardant.
*in many forms of cruel animal research.
*in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.
*as an additive in certain "junk-foods" and other food products.
*by sportspeople as a performance-enhancing drug.
*by the CIA and the FBI during interrogations.

Let's finish the month off with bellend, book, and candle

We don't have a book or a candle, but we do have a Bellend of the Month for March 2011: Gregory Meads. The horse trainer from the New Zealand town of Matamata shot his wife in the neck at close range, killing her instantly. Today his stepdaughter Kimberly White looked him in the eye and told him exactly what she thought of him: "You took my mum away from me and for that I will never forgive you," she said in court. "I hope you rot in hell." I also hope that bellend rots in hell, but for now, he'll rot in the slammer for at least the next 11 years.

The US said they're open to arming Libya's rebels

And they'd better do it because Gaddafi is officially worse than Amy Chua.

Marylanders no longer need to whine

That's because a measure that allows wineries to ship directly to Maryland residents has been passed in the state Senate. The Senate voted 45-0 last night in favor of the legislation. The House of Delegates approved a similar bill on Saturday. But seriously, this isn't much to whine about (excuse the pun).

Just spare me the details

MyFone was launched this week by two bellends named Sally Rae and Steve Herstell, who created the website after becoming concerned about bad cyberspace behaviour. It is a new cellphone product that allows parents to track their children and check their text messages, and it amounts to spying. To use it, just sign up your child's cellphone number and then it'll send you an email so you can see any calls or texts made to and from the phone. However, because this software is nothing but a blatant violation of childrens' rights, I am not going to put up a link to the website, nor am I going to be a part of this culture of mistrust. The system is well-meaning, but it is counterproductive and could detract from good parenting (sorry if I'm stating the obvious but so does Amy Chua). Instead, have open and frank conversations about this sort of thing with your kids. If you're going to buy cellphones for your children, talk about what that means, talk about how they use it. The most important thing is that parents continue to talk with their children, build the right sort of relationship and give them the support and the encouragement to come to them if they have issues. So don't get MyFone - it's akin to spying, and it will build walls between parents and their children, because parents who sign on to that rubbish risk their children becoming resentful and more devious in the way they communicate.

That's a right kosher pickle

Yeshai Kutoff was house-proud, having bought a home in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, for his family of five. And as an Orthodox Jew, he bought push-button locks for the doors — an accommodation for the Sabbath, when many of the devout do not carry keys. But a neighbor soon told him that the locks he had bought could be opened by a powerful magnet costing about $30. It would obviously bother me if I had a lock like that and other people could easily figure it out, and Mr. Kutoff did not buy a magnet to see for himself because it obviously doesn’t interest him to know how to break into his own house. And besides, the Sabbath prohibition on doing work would obviously extend to a push-button system like Mr. Kutoff's, so I think both issues could have been better accommodated by using something like a retinal scanning system which would automatically open the door if everything checked out with no input from any family member.

This is getting to be a weighty problem

A 17-year-old beauty queen who claimed pageant organizers harassed her about her weight before stripping her of the Miss San Antonio title has won her courtroom fight to get it back. The teenager, whose name is Domonique Ramirez, claimed she was unfairly booted in January after pageant officials accused her of gaining weight and told her to "get off the tacos." Those bellends in charge of the pageant need to take a good look at themselves because they are putting way too much pressure on models to stay skinny, and Miss Ramirez did the right thing by not buckling under said pressure. And besides, I may eat junk food almost every day but the main thing is that I'm still alive, and even if you never, ever touch the stuff, everybody will die of something at some point in their lives.

Way to spice up your life

Facebook users have been re-arranging spices on supermarket shelves to spell out rude words. I don't see too much of a problem with this as long as nothing goes missing from the shop, but the game - dubbed Supermarket Scrabble - drives store staff mad as they have to hurriedly re-arrange the letters to remove the rude words and get things back in order, so think before you rearrange.

Gaddafi seriously needs to go

Last week, the United Nations Security Council passed Resolution 1973, authorising the international community to take “all necessary measures” to protect civilian areas from assault by Libyan forces, while “excluding a foreign occupation force of any form on any part of Libyan territory”. I'm sorry, but foreign occupation is necessary (case in point: Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein were both removed from power by foreign occupation) to get rid of Gaddafi. The future has no place for him whatsoever.

Oops, Brown did it again

Chris Brown turned violent on the "Good Morning America" show in New York City. Apparently Brown was on the show to promote the release of his latest album "F.A.M.E." but he became too uncomfortable when the questions continually diverted away from his album and onto his infamous physical altercation with ex-girlfriend Rihanna. An agitated Brown tried to deflect the questions and said: "I'm past that in my life." We are all past that (maybe except for Rihanna) and I don't blame him for not wanting to bring that ugly business up, because the incident, for which the Virginia-born singer is on probation, was 2009's news and should not have been brought up on the show - instead, the host should've just stuck to questions about Brown's new album, which I hope sells well.

Just use the same procedure as every kid when it comes to preschools

Nicole Imprescia is suing York Avenue Preschool, a private preschool in New York, for US$19,000 claiming that they may have damaged her four-year-old daughter Luscia's chances of getting into an elite private school. The mother says that she enrolled her daughter at the school based on its promise to prepare students for the ERB test, which is used to place children into elite elementary schools. Instead, the lawsuit claims, York Avenue Preschool placed her daughter in what she calls a-two-year-old's learning environment, where the kid was taught about shapes and colours. Luscia was placed in what I find to be an appropriate learning environment for kids her age, and I would not sue a kindergarten or preschool just for letting children be children. That bellend is obviously out of her mind and quite possibly never learnt anything from the whole Amy Chua nonsense.

Egypt will be back... and better than ever!

Egyptian voters voted in a referendum for constitutional changes, and the results have shown that the people favour the proposed changes, which include tightening the rules as to who can and can't run, and imposing a limit of two four-year terms - this means that no one person will be able to run Egypt in the ground like Mubarak did.

Berba had it in for Bolton

Man United ended a two-game losing streak by beating Bolton 1-0 this morning at Old Trafford with a late goal by Dimitar Berbatov. A yellow card was shown to one of Bolton's side and Man U finished with just ten players on the field after Jonny Evans got red-carded.

Good name for a satellite

The MErcury Surface, Space ENvironment, GEochemistry and Ranging (MESSENGER) probe has just gone into orbit around Mercury. I think Messenger's the perfect name for the satellite because in Roman and Greek mythology, Mercury (or Hermes as the Greeks put it) was the messenger of the gods. The probe's next mission should be to actually get past the thick clouds of sulfuric acid that constitute the upper layers of Venus's atmosphere, and get some pictures of the surface.

Seriously, what's a few more potential candidates for President?

One thing that is true is that one of the constitutional requirements for the office of US President is that you have to be a natural-born citizen of the US, and this means that you have to have been born in the States, or to at least one parent with American citizenship. Another thing that is true is that if you give birth in the States, even if you snuck in just for the big day, then your kid is automatically a US citizen. But there are two bills in the Arizona state legislature, one intending to force a Supreme Court ruling against automatic citizenship for U.S.-born children of illegal immigrants, and another to require schools to file reports on enrollments of illegal immigrant students, and both have been defeated. I might not be too big a fan of illegal immigration but the Constitution is pretty clear on this: if you give birth on US soil, even if you snuck in on a flimsy raft, then your child is a natural-born citizen of the United States, and he or she has fulfilled one of the constitutional requirements for the office of President (to the best of my knowledge, the others are not being a convicted felon, being at least 35, having resided in America for at least 14 years of your life, and not already having served two terms).

I now pronounce you man and husband

Democrats introduced legislation in both houses of Congress yesterday to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, the 1996 law barring the federal government from recognizing legal same-sex marriages. The time has come for the federal government to recognize that every American family deserves all of the legal protections afforded to couples who are married under state law, and the Justice Department have decided they're no longer defending that stupid and narrow-minded piece of legislation against court challenges. Every loving, committed couple deserves the basic human right to get married, start a family, and have access to all the same rights and privileges that a heterosexual couple enjoys, and the new legislation, known as the Respect for Marriage Act, will just be another step in the right direction.

OK so he was passing military secrets on to Wikileaks

But the United States still can't just hold Bradley Manning in such inhuman conditions. The US Army private is currently kept in chains as though he were a wild animal. The harsh conditions of Manning's imprisonment – untried and unconvicted – have been causing growing concern, because what is being done to Bradley Manning is ridiculous and counterproductive, and stupid on the part of the Department of Defense. Those bellends need to get their act together because this is just like a typical day in Amy Chua's household.

I can't think of a title for this post

Some bellends can be quite selfish when it comes to helping out during natural disasters. For instance, some people sent checks for their credit card bills just before the earthquake struck Christchurch last month and the checks could not reach the banks on time because postal services had been cut off, and now those thoughtless nutjobs at the banks have struck their customers with late fees. There were genuine reasons for the credit card payments to have not made it to the bank on time, what with the post and the banking services both being down in the days following the quake. One of the banks that is an exception to this selfish and unethical practice is BNZ, who my credit card is with, and they have decided that none of their credit card holders in Christchurch will be charged late fees for any reason until September.

Don't really have that much to write about tonight

But it is Pi Day (3/14 if you write dates the American way) today.

Third and final Yogi Award for 2011

It goes to Alex Ferguson, who has been smarter than the average soccer team manager in that despite two consecutive Premier League losses, Manchester United beat Arsenal 2-0 in their FA Cup clash at Old Trafford. Anyone can make the right adjustments to turn the entire squad around, and it looks like Ferguson's cracked it. I hope he uses the same lineup against Bolton next week.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!

And a second Yogi Award to present: those cheapskates at Westpac may be reducing the Westie Pac's join-up bonus from $40 to $30 but they are still smarter than the average bank - that's because they kept that awful mullet off their latest ad. That whole Amy Chua business with her Wall Street Journal essay back in January was actually a welcome break from that stupid hairdo. The Westie Pac ad can be seen on the left.

We turn one tomorrow

So let's forget about today's earthquake for a minute and present the first of three Yogi Awards - to earn one, you have to have been smarter than the average over the past twelve months.

Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck was smarter than the average director this year. In his film The Tourist, he had Johnny Depp's character smoke an e-cigarette in one scene. Overall, I am OK with the OFLC's M rating because smoking cessation products like electronic cigarettes may well be good at helping smokers kick their filthy habit once and for all. While tobacco companies will continue to find a way to push their product, we can decide to not be a part of their campaign of filth. And also, great choice of music for the end.

Two days to go

And then we're 1.

Whoa! Double output all the way! It's so intense!

Marathon Oil Corp. said yesterday that it hopes to more than double oil output from an Alberta oil sands project in the near future. Currently, Marathon, together with partners Shell and Chevron, produces about 155,000 barrels a day at the Athabasca oil sands project, a venture to extract a thick and high-sulfur crude from Canada's oil-rich sands. They have a plan to get more oil, and potentially more money, but there are also pollutants to consider. Of course there's carbon monoxide and all that horrible stuff, but they should also get rid of all the sulfur because once the crude oil, or one of its derivatives, is combusted in whatever machines need it, the sulfur will react with oxygen to produce sulfur dioxide (SO2), and once this reacts with trace amounts of hydrogen peroxide (H2O2) or water vapour and atomic oxygen (H2O + O) in our atmosphere, this will constitute sulfuric acid (SO2 + H2O2 = SO2 + H2O + O = H2SO4), which is a major active component of acid rain. Think about that when filling up your tank.

Man United barely hanging onto top after second successive loss

Yesterday morning at Anfield, Liverpool beat Man United 3-1. Liverpool’s goals were thanks to a hat-trick by Dirk Kuyt and Javier Hernandez scored for Man U in stoppage time. Five yellow cards were shown to various bellends throughout the game.

Happy 21st, Abby and Brittany

These two girls may look to you like a two-headed freak of nature, but they turn 21 today, and their appearance as a "two-headed freak of nature" is due to them being dicephalic parapagus twins (meaning that they are conjoined twins of whom each has a separate head, but whose bodies are joined). They are highly symmetric, giving the appearance of having just a single body with little variation from normal proportion. In fact, several vital organs are doubled up, with each woman having a separate heart, stomach, spine, and spinal cord. If you're wondering how the two of them can walk with one leg each, they just take turns moving each leg. So happy birthday, Abigail and Brittany Hensel. At least your survival into adulthood will take many parenting experts' minds off this whole Amy Chua thing (if only briefly).

And then there were 27

North Korea has demanded that South Korea immediately return 31 North Koreans who accidentally crossed over into South Korean waters on a fishing boat, even though the South says four of them have decided to defect. The other 27 should defect as well if North Korea are going to keep up their atrocious track record of human rights abuses. I hope the protests in the Arab world stir something up in that communist wasteland.

We're turning one in a week's time

That rhymes.

It's good for babies so why not big kids or adults?

A shop in the UK has been shut down by local authorities because it's selling ice cream made from breast milk. Babies drink it for their first year or two so it's got to be good for older human beings. Most people would've had breast milk before so how yucky could it be? And besides, they pasteurise the milk, making it totally safe. Closing down a store because of foods made from human breast milk is a complete overreaction.

Only a fair ruling is a good ruling

According to Bart Simpson's writings on the chalkboard at the beginning of one episode of the Simpsons, the First Amendment "does not cover burping." However, ruling in a case that pressed the outer limits of free speech, the Supreme Court on Wednesday said that even anti-gay protesters who picketed the funerals of U.S. troops with signs reading, "Thank God for Dead Soldiers," cannot be sued. This is the worst to come from the Eastern United States since Amy Chua admitted to being a horrible parent. Those eight Supreme Court Justices who ruled in favour of the Westboro Baptist Church have absolutely no common sense, and speaking of Amy Chua, she is the only thing those bellends are any better than. But any Supreme Court ruling can be overturned by another ruling or a Constitutional amendment, so a Congressman with any sense would be proposing an amendment to the Constitution to stop those religious wackos from picketing funerals so the survivors can be left to mourn in peace.

Reds seem to have encountered a red light

In a déjà vu of the Wolves game last month, Man United suffered another 2-1 away loss this morning at Stamford Bridge. Chelsea’s goals were scored by David Luiz and Frank Lampard, and Man United’s goal was scored by Wayne Rooney. Five players were booked, and of those five, Nemanja Vidic was booked again and subsequently sent off.

This blog is turning one this month

Just give it a few more days.

Popcorn could get a cap popped in your head

That is, if you eat it too loudly, which brings us to the topic of the Bellend of the Month for February 2011: Nikolajs Zikovs. Zikovs shot four times while killing Aigars Egle after Egle reportedly ate his popcorn too loudly during a showing of Black Swan at a Forum Cinemas multiplex in Riga (the capital of Latvia). Egle, a father of four, died in front of his 14-year-old daughter. I understand Black Swan is supposed to be quite intense but this is not what its director, Darren Aronofsky, had in mind. I would have probably done the same thing to a guy who was repeatedly talking on his cellphone during a movie but eating popcorn too loudly is not that big a deal.

Glory, Glory, Man United...

The final score against Wigan this morning at DW Stadium was 4-0. Two of Man United's goals were scored by Javier Hernandez, who got the only yellow card of the whole match, and one goal each went to Wayne Rooney and Fabio da Silva.

Apple seems to have bolted to the scene

Intel's brand new Thunderbolt technology has finally made it to one electronic product - it's called the Macbook Pro. Thunderbolt is Intel's new input/output technology that promises to bring transfer speeds that exceed what is currently available with USB 3.0, as well as extending that speed across several devices at once. The protocol will appear as an extra port on all new Macbook Pros and could soon find itself on more computers. But if Thunderbolt is to succeed, it must replace single-use types of connectors such as HDMI, DisplayPort (which requires more than double the initial 10 Gb/s in its higher end incarnations), eSATA, at least some uses of Ethernet, and ultimately, the smaller and slower speed USB devices as the cost of a Thunderbolt connector comes down.

Texas - the stereotypical red state

Texas is stereotyped as one of the most right-wing states in America, and now they are just reinforcing that stereotype by allowing universities' students and faculty to pack heat on campus. Too bad you might not be able to blow Amy Chua's brains out (she may be one of the worst parents in the world but that's no reason to shoot anyone and besides, she lives thousands of miles away in Connecticut) but having guns on campus may well make college life a lot safer. Of course guns may be a precursor to violence but there is also the Second Amendment (the constitutional guarantee of the right to keep and bear arms) to consider. I'm not a big fan of guns, but I'm on the fence because if everyone else on campus is packing heat, then I'd better do so just in case something really nasty goes down.

North Korea could be next

It has swept across the other side of the world, starting on 17 December when an angry, unemployed man set fire to himself after police stopped him selling vegetables on the streets. First Tunisia. Then Egypt. And Iran, Yemen, Jordan, Bahrain, Algeria, Morocco and now - most bloodily, it is feared - Libya. Revolution in some; protests or civil uprisings in others. China and North Korea could be next, but I'm sure something that drastic wouldn't be what the Mayans had in mind for the prophesised big apocalypse next year.

Happy 70th birthday, plutonium!

But seriously, this blog doesn't usually honour the anniversary of an element's discovery.

These are some pretty gay circumstances

I mean, not homosexual gay, but my-parents-are-chaperoning-the-dance gay (rather controversial quote from a movie called The Dilemma). And while we're on the topic of gay, the Dunedin City Council's i-Site Visitor Centre needs to stop labelling the Inch Bar (a cafe in the North East Valley) as a gay bar. Patrons and staff have been abused since the bar at the Gardens started being promoted as a gay bar by i-Site staff two years ago. The owners spoke to them then and were given assurances it would stop, but last week, customers were abused and called "homo faggots" by a passing motorist.

This misunderstanding might be a result of a previous owner starting the cafe in 1992 under the name Homo Espresso. But the Inch Bar is not, nor has it ever been, a gay bar. If gay people are coming down just because of what they heard about the place from the i-Site, then they're just coming for an experience that the establishment cannot provide. The i-Site needs to clean up their act otherwise the Inch Bar could one day have the Westboro Baptist Church picketing their establishment and fuelling even more vitriolic abuse towards the staff and patrons.

Please shoes wisely

Mubarak says he'll give more authority to his vice president but reiterates that he'll stay in office until September. The protesters want him out now and have taken to waving shoes in the air; in Islam, this is seen as a sign of contempt and many non-Islamic people first saw it when Bush was visiting Iraq a few years ago and somebody threw shoes at him. As long as the elections do go ahead and are clean, fair, and above board, I can take it either way.

It seems blogging makes you clever

In October, some bellend named Andrew Marr made a comment about bloggers being inadequate, pimpled, and single. But as it turns out, blogging makes you clever. A school in Britain introduced a blogging program and the results have been incredible. The internet has turned writing from chore to score, with boys becoming an average of 75% more clever. So it turns out that that bellend is wrong.

50 stars, 13 stripes, one better day for mankind everywhere

A new Obama administration policy on Internet freedom, seen by some as an attempt to meddle in the internal affairs of other countries, will help people get around barriers in cyberspace while making it harder for autocratic governments to use the same technology to repress dissent. America has been good to the world over the years by providing great TV shows like Family Guy to broadcasters around the world (one area in which the British continually fail miserably but sometimes the odd gem does slip through like what happened with Mr Bean) while at the same time fattening the global populace up with restaurants like McDonald's and KFC, and America is now helping people in oppressive Internet environments get around filters, stay one step ahead of the censors, the hackers, and the thugs who beat them up or imprison them for what they say online. Although not aimed solely at China, the new efforts are in part intended to help users circumvent the so-called Great Firewall, a far-reaching menu of direct censorship and “opinion guidance” that restricts what the country’s 450 million Internet users can read or write online. However, some have criticized the US for not pouring funding into a single technology, but there is no silver bullet in the struggle against Internet repression, and besides, if repressive governments figure out how to target one tool, others will be available.

What will those Ivy Leaguers think of next?

One of the world's worst parents works at the nearby law school (and yes I do mean that bellend Amy Chua), but a way better team at Yale University in the US has built the world's first anti-laser — or coherent perfect absorber (CPA). The device, constructed from silicon, absorbs light and dissipates the energy as heat. It's pretty impressive and could make a newer and more environmentally friendly heat source in the near future, but it won't be so good at thwarting laser-based weapons because the energy is dissipated as heat, therefore, use is limited against laser weapons since the heat would damage the target anyway.

Takin' it to the tweets

South African President Jacob Zuma had urged people to use Twitter and Facebook to suggest what his annual state-of-the-nation speech last week should focus on, and plugging potholes and creating jobs were the most common suggestions. As a result of this publicity stunt, South Africa is now going to spend over 20 million rand and create 70,000 jobs to fix potholes. This publicity stunt is going to make the roads a lot safer but there are some better ideas, for instance, they could melt down all their vuvuzelas and use the plastic to fill in the holes. Or maybe the tyres that some bellends there are saving up for a barbaric activity called necklacing (the practice of filling a rubber tyre with petrol, forcing it around the victim's chest and arms, and lighting it on fire causing them to burn to death) could be put to better use in helping to fill up the holes in the roads. Or maybe people could save themselves by giving up smoking and putting whatever's left of their tobacco to good use plugging up a pothole near them. Or, because South Africa has some of the most liberal abortion laws on the continent, the aborted foetuses could be buried in the holes. Or if they just want to use bitumen to plug up the holes, that's their choice too.

Move over Apple, widescreen is in the hizzouse!

That's right, Apple's dominance in the tablet market could soon feel the mighty spray of the Karcher that is wielded by some companies that are making widescreen tablets designed with the movie-watcher in mind. If Apple's next-generation iPad doesn't go widescreen, then it could be lost among the competition because shipments of tablets are expected to triple over last year. Applications such as e-mail and gaming may work well with the current 4:3 aspect ratio, but with movies and recent TV series, iPad viewers will have to choose between bars along the top and bottom or having the sides cut off.

Dictators will soon get their comeuppance

Recent protests in the Arab world have already ousted two regimes (Egypt and Tunisia), brought changes to Jordan's government, and have now spread outside the Arab world. There could soon be an "Egypt effect" in the former Soviet Union but I hope it then spreads to China and North Korea because those two countries need a regime change way more than any Arab country, and maybe it will finally spread to Cuba and knock down Castro's regime (and probably bring Cuban goods like cigars back onto the American market).

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Man United back to winning ways in déjà vu of last week’s scoreline

Man U bounced back from total humiliation at the hands of the Wolves to a final scoreline of 2-1 at Old Trafford this morning, this time it was a defeat of Man City. Man U’s goals were scored by Nani and Wayne Rooney, Man City’s goal was scored by David Silva, and four yellow cards were shown.

We've been here for eleven months

And it appears Mubarak has resigned and handed power over to the Egyptian Army. From past experience, if the army is left to control a country, then there's trouble ahead. For instance, the election scheduled in September might not go ahead or if it does, it might be rigged. I just know that the junta will run Egypt into the ground like Bainimarama did to Fiji or Gaddafi did to Libya. But I hope the mess can be sorted out.

Guitar Hero, meet Karcher

And be prepared for the powerful spray of the latter! That's right, the bellends who brought that stupid game onto the market (Activision Blizzard Inc, who also make Call of Duty) are finally realising that nobody wants to be playing Guitar Hero anymore. And besides, music games are more expensive than shoot-em-ups because with shoot-em-ups, you only need a special gun (or you can use the controllers you've already got if it lets you) but with games like Guitar Hero, you need special controllers that work like music instruments, and if you're bored with the songs you've got, then sometimes your game system will let you download more. But it's time to move forward.

So a Congressman resigned over a shirtless pic

That's not really news.

At least he kept his electoral promise of change

Barack Obama promised change and change is what we got - it has reportedly been a year since he last smoked. He never really did it in front of his family but that habit was still worth Karchering because growing tobacco is a waste of land and resources that could be used for growing food, the paper for wrapping the cigarettes in is an unnecessary waste of paper, smoking the tobacco is bad for the environment and your health, and those greedy tobacco companies can really mess about with a low-income family's food budget. I just hope others can stub it out before it stubs their life out.

Goodbye Wikileaks, Hello Openleaks

As WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange fights extradition to Sweden to face allegations of sexual wrongdoing, a dozen of his former colleagues are creating an alternative Web site for leaks to be governed by what they characterize as a revised vision of radical transparency. This is an example of just how tenacious man can be. George Bush didn't give up after losing the popular vote, no good sports teams give up after losing, and Wikileaks aren't giving up either. As the popular saying goes, when God closes a door, he opens a window, and Wikileaks are taking advantage of the opened window, just like I would even though I don't believe in the God that may or may not have closed the door in the first place.

No sumo for Osaka next month

That's because the unethical practice of match-fixing has crept into the traditional Japanese sport of sumo wrestling. Cancelling a tournament isn't necessarily the best solution for match-fixing but it does mean less matches to fix. One association executive has hinted that the association will expel 14 wrestlers if they are proven to have been involved in match-fixing, and I hope the wrestlers are expelled if found guilty of such a heinous act.

I hope the Wolves enjoyed their feast this morning

The Wolverhampton Wanderers deserve my respect – sure they may be bellends (as 19 of the 20 Premier League teams are), but any team that just hangs in there for 90 minutes might well have the courage to beat Man United one day. And that day was the day before the 53rd anniversary of eleven Man U players losing their lives in the Munich air disaster (local time).

The final score at Molineux Stadium was 2-1 to the Wolves. George Elokobi and Kevin Doyle were responsible for the Wolves’ goals, and Man U’s goal was from Nani. Four yellow cards were shown.

Looks like we’re not the only ones not taking a stand against tobacco

I saw the movie Wild Target today. Before it, they left the British Board of Film Classification label on, and the rating given out was 12A, which means that children under 12 can get in if supervised by an adult. But enough about that: one sight that would grind the gears of any Harry Potter fan would be a few scenes where a character played by Rupert Grint (who played Ron Weasley in all eight Harry Potter movies) was smoking. I’m actually more concerned about the children who will probably want to see the film just for Rupert Grint because they might either take up smoking “because Ron Weasley does it” or think less of the Harry Potter franchise as a whole. In Britain, local councils can alter any film’s rating and bind all cinemas within their jurisdiction to their decisions, and the least they could’ve done was bump up the rating to 15 (the next one up and it means that nobody under 15 is allowed in full stop) so as not to destroy the Harry Potter franchise’s reputation.

Looks like Mubarak's on his way out

Hosni Mubarak, along with the underarm bowling incident, the Springbok tour, and awful TV programs like Dynasty, was what made 1981 one of the worst years in the history of our planet, and finally, after 30 long years, he has finally decided not to seek a sixth term as President of Egypt. The only reason he even got a first term is because of Egypt's unique method of choosing the candidates: each candidate is pre-approved by at least two-thirds of the People's Assembly, and for Mubarak's first four terms, he was the only one that passed this first stage. So in 1981, 1987, 1993, and 1999, the vote was just for whether or not the people wanted him in Abdeen Palace (Egypt's version of the White House).

I think Amy Chua did turn one of her kids into a psycho with her bad parenting

Either that or it's the New York Post being the inferior-to-the-New-York-Times paper it is. Read the bull here.

Man U win again

The score against Aston Villa at Old Trafford was 3-1 with two goals by Wayne Rooney and one by Nemanja Vidic. Villa’s goal was by Darren Bent. No yellow or red cards were shown over the course of the match.

Let's take a moment of silence

That's right, a moment of silence is necessary to commemorate the thirtieth anniversary of one of the worst things to ever happen on a cricket field. That's right, I'm talking about some bellend named Trevor Chappell. He did not need to bowl the final ball underarm because being six runs behind, there was no way the Black Caps could have won with just one ball to go. Australia could still have won by playing fairly because nobody had hit a single six the whole match, and Chappell got two batsmen out while bowling correctly in the previous over he bowled in. His action during the final ball was an act of true cowardice, and I for one consider it appropriate that the Australian team were wearing yellow (and yes, the Aussie teams still wear yellow - and that applies to most of their sub-par national sides in just about every team sport).

Good job, bellend

I don't mean you. Unless, of course, you are the Bellend of the Month for January 2011. But it's going instead to a Jeffrey Alexander Sterling, who is an ex-officer of the CIA who leaked national defence information several times during is 8 1/2 year tenure with the CIA. That bellend was taken into custody early this month by federal agents in St. Louis, Missouri, and was indicted on six separate counts of unauthorized disclosure of national defence information, as well as four additional charges: mail fraud, unlawfully keeping national defence information, obstruction of justice, and unauthorized conveyance of government property. This is not the sort of behaviour that anyone of his profession should be engaged in. That is just low and it's only right that he be the first African-American to receive this great dishonour.

Huck becomes PC

That's right, there should soon be a new edition of Huckleberry Finn which takes out every instance of the N-word and replaces them with slave. I commend NewSouth Books for finally figuring out a way to remove that disgusting word from such a classic literary work and leaving everyone wondering why nobody thought of such a simple substitution a lot sooner. I just hope everyone remembers that edition instead of one which uses the N-word.

Yay! No more Two and a Half Men for a while!

That god-awful TV show has been placed on production hiatus because one of the stars, Charlie Sheen, has checked into rehab. He's not on drugs, instead, he's in rehab for severe pain related to a hernia. I wish him the best, but I'm hoping they cancel Two and a Half Men because that show's just stupid.

Time to rebel against the Rebels

And I'm talking about both the new addition to the Super 14 (now Super 15) AND an Aussie motorbike gang that's coming to New Zealand. The outlawed gang is known as the Rebels Motorcycle Club, with about 2000 members and a record of killings, drugs, arms trafficking and extortion dating back to 1969. I don't want those bellends on our turf, especially considering that two years ago, 27 members were arrested after a series of raids across Australia. Police found huge quantities of drugs, including methamphetamine, heroin and cocaine. Firearms, cash, stolen goods and stolen vehicles were also seized. Nine years earlier another Australia-wide raid netted drugs, firearms and even a crocodile. Those scumbags already have chapters in not just Australia but also in the USA, Thailand, Malta, and Sweden, so they should focus on those before deciding to add to our gang problem.

Peer pressure has gone way too far

An ad on Student Job Search offered students aged between 18 and 29 $50 each to sample free cigarettes for eight days. Those bellends have really pushed it this time. This trial, which they say aims to make smoking less appealing to younger people, will actually make smoking more appealing to younger people, and why wouldn't it considering there was $50 in it. And besides, the $50 is likely to go towards more cigs.

Blackpool get drowned in nail-biting comeback

In the last 20 minutes of this morning’s Premier League clash at Bloomfield Road, Man United came back from a 2-0 deficit to beat Blackpool 3-2. Man United’s comeback was fuelled by two goals from Bulgarian goal-scoring machine Dimitar Berbatov and one goal from Javier Hernandez. The bellends behind Blackpool’s scoring were Craig Cathcart and DJ Campbell. In all, three yellow cards were shown.

Another medical breakthrough for lasers

That's right, lasers have already made their mark on the medical world in the form of eye surgery and kidney stone treatment (they are also good for tattoo removal), but there is a new use for lasers: helping smokers quit. This new therapy is based on the theory that applying the laser to certain acupressure points releases endorphins, and of course it's not for everyone, but this is a medical breakthrough nonetheless. If the patches are still working for you, then keep at it.

New nation in town

The Republic of South Sudan will likely split from the north on the 9th of July. Most of the valid votes cast in the referendum (or at least a sample of the votes) were for separation, so Sudan should enjoy its last days as the largest nation in Africa because come July 9, there will be a new nation in town.

22 down, 16 to go

This morning at Old Trafford, Man United continued their unbeaten run with a 5-0 defeat of the bellends playing for Birmingham City FC. In addition to a hat-trick by Bulgarian-born Dimitar Berbatov, one goal each was scored by Ryan Giggs and Nani. Still, it was a clean, fair game with nobody getting booked.

The wedding could yet be off

Prince William and Kate Middleton aren't even married yet - that will take place April 29 - but some Britons are already betting they will end up getting divorced. This is an experiment doomed to fail because there is still a chance that the wedding could be called off. And besides, there are better things to bet your money on, such as which numbers will be drawn during the weekend. But I suppose that's just the way book-makers these days are - they'll accept bets on anything, including Birmingham City FC losing to Man United tomorrow morning.

It appears something good came out of the recent Tucson shootings

Besides those huckaleros from the Westboro Baptist Church hopefully having been kept away from the resulting funerals, the corneas of a young girl who died in the shooting (for the record, she was born on 9/11 and her grandfather managed the Philadelphia Phillies when they won the World Series in 1980) have each been able to save the sight of one lucky kid elsewhere in Arizona. Although the bullet wounds would render her internal organs unusable, the fact that two kids are now able to see again because of her corneas would be one of the few good things to come out of a death. And speaking of death, I hope the scumbag that shot her gets the chair.

Rural South Auckland - it's the poo

Better put, its residents' houses are being splattered with poo that is being dropped from planes flying over the area. The Civil Aviation Authority should do something about this - maybe forbidding planes from releasing excrement from the onboard toilets until they're on the ground and a big bucket to collect it all can be put in place - because the unethical practice of dropping passengers' poo onto other peoples' houses in mid-flight is not cool. There are people living out in the country and the last thing they need is planes releasing crap in mid-air all over their nice lifestyle block. It's bad enough that they have poor TV reception out there.

I don't have anything to write about

And that's about it for tonight.

At least those bellends tried

Tottenham Hotspur failed to defeat Man United yesterday morning at White Hart Lane. The final score was 0-0, and a total of six players were booked. Rafael, who was one of those six players, was booked a second time and subsequently sent off.

It's time to GET BACK THAT HOUSE!

Garfield Gillings's house was stolen from him in 2003 in the wave of a pen, but the fight to get it back is still on. On the second anniversary of 9/11, Mr. Gillings called a collection agency to negotiate a payment of outstanding tax and water bills. He was told that the debt had already been paid. He asked who paid it and was told he did. But Mr. Gillings had not really paid the bill, which also removed a city tax lien. A few days later, he performed a title search and discovered that the old brick house, which he had been using as an art studio and storage spot, was no longer his. Somebody had forged his name on a bogus deed, signed the property over to a holding company, then filed papers with the city register. This sort of criminal behaviour is just low and it's only right that some woman from Long Island was eventually charged with and sent to prison for stealing Mr. Gillings’s house, along with more than 30 other properties. They need to find all the other people that that bellend was working for and leave those nasty pieces of scum to rot in the slammer, because a part of his life had been lost (workers hired by those nutjobs even threw out some of his paintings that he kept there) and the bellends that did it don't care one bit. This egregious conduct is not on, but they should do it to Amy Chua. Why? Read the post below this one.

I would never use the C-word about any woman

But it's headed that way for some woman I've just heard about named Amy Chua, who wrote an essay published by the Wall Street Journal titled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior". She argues that tough love is the key to raising successful children. A little here and there may be OK, but this is too much: her parenting methods include never allowing her two daughters to "attend a sleepover, have a play date, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, or get any grade less than an A." I don't mean to be racist but such a stupid parenting style belongs in the Dark Ages and I cannot recall my parents using such a counter-productive style like the one that that bellend is advocating. A response that rebuts that essay comes from a Chinese mother who says "I am challenging Chua. Like her, I am a Chinese mother, born in Manila, with parents like hers, raised like her. Unlike her, I vowed to be a different parent from my parents. I encouraged my daughter to enjoy all the things Chua prohibited. I even let her miss school to watch the Oscars! Still, she scored 2340 on her SAT, 60 points off perfect, and was accepted by Harvard, Princeton and Yale. It would be interesting to see if Chua can produce the same results with her methods. I did not push. I encouraged. And I loved unconditionally." Because, seriously, no kid will be accepted by three Ivy League colleges after enduring the torture Chua puts her kids through.

Happy tenth birthday, Wikipedia!

Today is also Martin Luther King Day. In line with his dream "that [his] four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character", I must point the finger at the movie Burlesque. It's nothing to do with the skimpy costumes worn by some of the characters, but more to do with some rapidly flashing lights in one scene. I don't have epilepsy, but I do know that lights which flash that fast can cause epileptic seizures in some people. It had a tad too much swearing for its M rating and also had some scenes depicting drinking and cigarette smoking, but it's the flashing strobe lights and their possibility of causing a seizure that give this movie a thumbs down - if you have epilepsy, I'd recommend seeing something like The Dilemma, Tangled, or Yogi Bear instead.

It's Martin Luther King Day AND Wikipedia Day tomorrow

So happy 10th birthday for tomorrow, Wikipedia. And guys, please try to judge people not by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character.

I can't handle 1500 dogs - can you?

Ha Wenjin, a middle-aged woman from Nanjing, China, has adopted 1500 dogs. I see the point in having just one or two dogs but 1500 is way too many to care for - it's way too expensive especially if you're on minimum wage, they make way too much mess, and they will all need to be exercised. So here's a tip: if you have that many dogs, you should sell them to people who will actually do something with them.

Not today, Mr. Phelps.

Arizona residents are locking arms to stop the Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church from disrupting the funerals for victims of Saturday's shooting in Tucson, with bikers and others organizing a massive counter-protest and state lawmakers fast-tracking a bill to hamstring the group. This is by far one of the best ways to stop those bellends, who show up at the funerals of dead soldiers and other high-profile gatherings wielding anti-gay signs containing hateful speech along the lines of "God Hates Fags", from picketing a funeral scheduled for Thursday for a 9-year-old girl who was one of six fatally shot over the weekend at a Tucson grocery store. I hope the little girl's family is left to grieve in peace without having to listen to those religious wackos who think us ordinary people have lost touch with Christianity when they're actually the ones who could be going to hell.

Conscription is on its way out for Germany and Switzerland

It's about time those two countries moved on to an all-volunteer force, because I don't approve of conscription (a form of state-sanctioned slavery colloquially known as the draft) and if New Zealand hadn't abolished the draft by whatever age I would've gotten the call-up, I would've withdrawn all my savings and moved to Canada or some other country without the draft. Those young German and Swiss men are being drafted against their will into an unnecessary part of a country's infrastructure. It is worth having an all-volunteer force to help bring the regime of a tyrannical ruler to its knees but the draft is just stupid, and if I got a call-up notice, I'd be off on the next plane out of the country.

So what if it's a boy?

An Australian couple have aborted twin boys just because they wanted a girl, and they are going to court to win the right to use IVF treatment to choose the sex of their next baby. This is almost the same carry-on that goes on in China but with genders reversed. I'm all for abortion but doing it just because the baby is the wrong sex is not necessarily the right thing to do. If it's to save the mother's life, by all means go ahead - after all, it is an emergency. If it's because of incest or rape, it might not be the baby's fault but hey, let's face it: do you really want to be weighed down with a potential descendant of that scumbag for nine months? If it's for socioeconomic factors, I'd suggest getting funding from charities or tax credits or giving the baby up for adoption but if you feel the need to have it sucked into a vacuum, then there should be a clinic within easy reach. If it's because of foetal defects, I wouldn't recommend it: former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin carried her youngest child Trig to term despite the fact that he had Down's syndrome (and no, we do NOT call them mongoloids anymore), but if you'd rather not be having to care for these sorts of defects, then it's time for your kid to go the way of Old Yeller. But please bear this in mind: PENISES AND VAGINAS DON'T COUNT AS FOETAL DEFECTS - WE ALL HAVE EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER (sorry to be typing in uppercase - just hoping you get the message). Like I said, I'm all for abortion unless it's done just because of the appendages between the baby's legs. And I hope those bellends lose their court case.

The South shall rise again!

Southern Sudan, that is. Because a vote today by the black Christians and animists in the autonomous region of Southern Sudan could mean independence from the northern government dominated by Arab Muslims. But they are doing it the wimpy way when they could just unilaterally declare independence. The USA just up and split from Britain back in 1776 so how hard could it be?

Will they split? I say let the voters decide.

This isn't a reality TV show. This is real life and it's about to go down in the southern part of Sudan, which could split from the rest of Sudan if a majority of voters vote yes in a referendum scheduled for next week. Five years ago, Montenegro broke away from Serbia in a similar process with the percentage of yes votes slightly over the 55% majority that was needed for Serbia and Montenegro to go their separate ways, and I'm pretty sure we could see Sudan splitting in two with the blessing of a good enough majority of voters. But they'll need a new internet TLD, a new international dialling code (+28 is still unassigned), and a new currency. I hope all goes well and no bellends use unfair tactics to win.

UPDATE: South Sudan are going with +211 as their international dialing code (fitting because they split from Sudan in 2011), changing their currency to the South Sudanese pound (currently exchangeable at a 1:1 rate with the Sudanese pound), and have applied for the .ss internet top-level domain (which some believe will be rejected because SS was the abbreviation for the Schutzstaffel, which was a Nazi paramilitary corps). Also, Google Maps still haven't updated their maps to include the Sudan-South Sudan border.

This blog is turning one in nine weeks

Like I said, this blog is turning one in nine weeks.

Now they're after our Antarctic base?

Those freeloading Aussies are at it again - they stole a cricket match from us by having the final ball bowled underarm back in 1981, they are stealing people away from New Zealand with their lower tax rates and warmer climate (unless, of course, you settle in Tasmania), and now they've tried to get the US Air Force's Antarctic operations base moved from Christchurch to Tasmania, according to a cable released by WikiLeaks. Documents released by the whistle-blowing website show Mr Garrett, the Australian Environment, Heritage, and Arts Minister at the time, raised the issue in February of last year noting it would be faster (reportedly half the time it would take to fly from Christchurch) to fly from Tasmania than Christchurch to Antarctica. But they're wrong - Christchurch is 220km closer to the base, and besides, the New Zealand Government values the co-operation it has with the US at the Christchurch base. Sorry, descendants of convicts, but the base is not for sale.

THREE HUNDRED POSTS!

But first things first: Man United took their unbeaten run to 20 by beating Stoke City again in a clean, fair game in which nobody got booked. This time, it was a 2-1 victory at Old Trafford. Man United’s goals were scored by Javier Hernandez and Nani, and the bellend that prevented a shutout was Stoke City’s own Dean Whitehead.

Cancer could soon be its own victim

Last month, I posted on how some lucky German guy was supposedly made immune to HIV after receiving a blood transfusion. And there is also a post dating back to November mentioning a way to turn skin into blood. Now, the medical industry has come up with yet another breakthrough - a new test that could revolutionise cancer treatment. Apparently, the test just needs a teaspoon of blood to find a single cancer cell lurking among a billion normal ones, and can find the cancer before it is advanced enough to show up on other tests. It's not a cure but it's a start, as is the case with the outbreak of another Korean War.

Hopefully the extra Republicans won't be a Boehner

I wish the new Congress luck in passing legislation. It's not going to be easy with a Republican majority in the House and the Democrats just managing to hold on in the Senate, but people have made it through in tough times.

WBA pwned in Man United's second away win

2011 is getting off to a good start for Man United, who got their second away win of the season by beating West Bromwich Albion 2-1 at The Hawthorns. Man U's goals were scored by Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez, and West Brom scored at the hands of James Morrison. Four yellow cards all up were shown to various bellends from both teams.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I just hope the All Blacks can win the Rugby World Cup and end the 24-year drought.

Have a safe and happy 2011

But first, let's honour our Bellend of the Month: Roman Vintoniv (left). He is a Ukrainian TV journalist who was conducting interviews in the Verkhovna Rada (parliament) one day this month dressed in a bunny suit. The reason for the bunny suit was to protest the recent farcical behaviour from MP's in the former Soviet state, and his take on the “farcical behaviour” was that “if the Verkhovna Rada is turning into a circus, then this needs to be officially acknowledged and people need to dress appropriately”. That may be the case, given that there was a brawl between legislators the previous week, but Easter’s not until April. And besides, his appearance that day was completely unprofessional, and the only reason that bellend didn’t get kicked out was because there was no official dress code. There should always be an official dress code, and next time, the legislative violence should be confined to Taiwan. Again, have a safe and happy 2011.

It ain't too taxing... for now

The Government is introducing another tax hike on tobacco on Saturday - another 10% will be added to the cost of one of the filthiest habits known to man, and it's a good thing because cigarette smoke smells bad, cigarette butts are a major littering problem, and smoking is bad for your health. But if the Government are just allowing it for the tax revenue, they can get a good enough stream by putting taxes on solvents like glue or paint (which some bellends sniff), or taxing junk food, or bringing back smokeless tobacco (the tobacco will still be there but the smoke won't), or legalising (and remembering to put the taxes on) marijuana or cocaine or some other illegal drug. Or maybe they could put taxes on foreign music (and perhaps make the tax a bit higher for Australian music) to bring in a tax stream and promote New Zealand artists.

Draw at Saint Andrew's

Manchester United drew their away game against Birmingham at St Andrew's Stadium; the score was 1-1 at the final whistle. Man U's goal was scored by Dimitar Berbatov and Birmingham's goal was scored by a super-bellend named Lee Bowyer. The yellow cards were also split evenly with 3 apiece.

Man United creamed Sunderland

And can it be made any more obvious? Yes it can. The final score at Old Trafford was 2-0, with Dimitar Berbatov scoring both goals; moreover, two bellends from Sunderland got booked. Birmingham will be Man U's next scalp tomorrow morning. And if you're wondering about the match scheduled against Chelsea, that's now going to be played in March, when the weather over there is a bit better.

It's the silly season and I can't find anything to write about

But I hope Santa gave you lots of good presents.

Can't Comedy Central tell the difference between Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Right now, I'm watching a marathon of South Park Christmas specials I taped this afternoon. The first episode was the Thanksgiving special I commented on in April (the one where Kyle was seen eating a ham despite pork not being kosher) and that was well outside of the spirit of the season. Although the Thanksgiving episode was quite funny with Cartman being shipped off to Africa by mistake, Thanksgiving was a whole month ago and it isn't a very well-known holiday (or a very relevant one for that matter) outside of America. I don't mind a Hanukkah or Kwanzaa special thrown in among several Christmas episodes, but Thanksgiving isn't really in the same family of holidays and is mostly disregarded outside of North America, so I don't really see the point.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I hope Santa brings you lots of presents, and especially for the one-fifth of the British population that I commented on a few weeks ago, I hope the huge bust-up you were expecting was just something that you saw on EastEnders and didn't actually happen in real life. And I hope you're judging people on the content of their character because Martin Luther King Day is coming up in three weeks, and he didn't give his life just so you can run your racist mouth at some black guy and refer to him as that nasty, horrible word beginning with N. And I hope everyone stays in my good books in 2011. Once again, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa, or whatever it is you celebrate at this time of year.

Santa's not coming to various people who shall not be named

Today, I saw the movie Somewhere. It was a good movie with two rather nasty gripes: first off, I would like to point the finger at the protagonist who was not only smoking in various scenes, but in one scene set in Vegas, he took his 11-year-old daughter to a craps table at a casino. People should not be bringing their children into casinos. Problem gambling is a bad enough issue without children doing it. Also, some blame shall be assigned to the Office of Film and Literature Classification, who didn't rate the film responsibly. I don't mind gambling or violence or low levels of offensive language in an M-rated film, but if there's going to be smoking or alcohol (or casino gambling with a minor at the table) depicted in the film, then it needs to be restricted - M isn't enough because children can still get in. I'd recommend Meet the Parents: Little Fockers instead. I haven't seen it yet, but it should be focking great.

Trouble brewing in Belarus

Seven of the candidates who ran against Lukashenko in the recent election could face up to 15 years in prison. This is about as bad as what passes in Belarus for democracy gets. Lukashenko needs to either shape up or ship out because his human rights record over the last 16 years is atrocious. A foreign power needs to step in as soon as possible - even if it means something like the United States declaring war on the former Soviet republic, something needs to be done. It's a wonder nobody has used their common sense and actually done something about Lukashenko. He is a heartless scumbag and he needs to go.

I'm pretty offended by the pixellated face

This is one of the bellends I mentioned a few days ago. They currently have name suppression, which should NEVER be given out when a case of child abuse (especially considering that there are 36 charges all up) is suspected. In fact, given the egregious conduct against their 9-year-old daughter (assault on the girl with a machete, hammer, vacuum cleaner pipe, and broomstick; kicking her in the vaginal area while wearing work boots; tearing off her toenail; pouring salt on her bleeding toe; writing abusive comments on her body; immersing her in a hot bath in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering; making her stand for prolonged periods in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering; denying her medical treatment; and withholding food) and their 7-year-old son (assaulting him by strangling him and dragging him around by his neck, and assaulting him with an unknown object), the Government should bring back the death penalty but because the Government are a bunch of pussies, all we can hope for is that those bellends never get to see their children again.

And now he's locked up for real

A bellend who faked a life as an ex-prisoner of war will spend the next six months in jail for fraudulently claiming almost A$700,000 in veterans' pensions. His fraud showed scant regard to the real POWs and to the memory of those killed at the hands of their captors. This wasn't on the same level as the Holocaust scam I mentioned a couple of months ago, but that doesn't make it any more acceptable. His bogus story started back in the 60s when he met a bunch of real POWs at a country pub in South Australia, and had been able to keep it up for so long that he had begun to believe his own story. But now, the truth has been exposed and that bellend now has an opportunity to have a long, hard think about his actions.

Lukashenko rigged the election AGAIN!

Alexander Lukashenko has rigged yet another election. I can tell the election is rigged because it was reported that Lukashenko won almost four-fifths of the vote and the next one down (out of nine) only got one-fortieth. This election is a sham and there is actually a good reason why Belarus is the last dictatorship in Europe: the only way that that douche will step down is if he is dead - that's how the people of Romania got rid of Nicolae Ceausescu. Sometimes, it takes force to remove tyrants from power.

There'll be extra sea men on America's poop decks

Now might not be the best time for gay jokes but Obama has managed to get Congress to repeal the 17-year ban on openly gay people serving in the armed forces. This means there will be more soldiers to do their country proud, and a soldier can now come out without risking being discharged. This means there will be more people eligible to fight now-pointless wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and there will be more soldiers to overrun North Korea's communist overlords. This means America will have a stronger air force, army, National Guard, and yes, a stronger navy. If you have a problem with openly gay people serving in the military, then don't serve.

Why did CYFS return the kid to those bellends?

Police and social workers are appalled at the alleged abuse of a nine-year-old girl whose body was covered in bruises when she was found hiding in a wardrobe in a west Auckland house. Social workers said in court documents that the nine-year-old, who was removed from her parents by CYFS soon after she was born and returned to them two years ago, had been abused so badly that almost every part of her body was covered in injuries, including part of her scalp torn off her head as she was dragged down the hall. There is a whole variety of charges against both parents, which should be a wake-up call to all parents everywhere: CHILD ABUSE DOESN'T PAY. Believe me, the girl was a lot safer in a medieval torture room than with two bellends who should never be allowed to see their daughter again.

Greenland left the EU, so why not Ireland?

The European Court of Human Rights has ruled that Ireland's constitutional ban on abortion violates a pregnant woman's right to receive proper medical care in life-threatening cases. The reason for the ban may have been to appease the country's Catholic majority but if Ireland wants to stay in the European Union, they need to follow the EU's rules. Ireland has resisted extending abortion rights to women whose pregnancies represent a potentially fatal threat to their own health despite a 1992 judgment from the Irish Supreme Court that said Ireland should provide abortions in cases where a woman's life is endangered - including, controversially, by her own threats to commit suicide. In fact, those huckaleros in the Dail seriously need to consider some massive reforms because apparently, the abortion doctor and the patient can both be charged with murder if the abortion was deemed not medically necessary. That is stupid because personhood isn't achieved until you've left your mother's uterus, and unborn foetuses don't count as people and therefore cannot be murdered.

Would you like WiFi with that?

McDonald's has just become the largest free internet provider in New Zealand with the company today announcing free WiFi in nearly all its restaurants nationwide. But wait a minute: a fast food restaurant competing with the WiFi that Starbucks has? Actually, Maccas will give the likes of Starbucks a run for their money because at Starbucks, you have to pay for the WiFi. Sometimes I like to go to places just for the free WiFi, and if Starbucks wants more people bringing their laptops and smartphones into their cafes, they'd better start providing free WiFi or else people will risk their health by dining at McDonald's just for the free WiFi.

Four words for all you naysayers: it can cure AIDS.

A very unusual blood transplant appears to have cured an American man living in Berlin of infection with the AIDS virus. He had a blood stem cell transplant in 2007 to treat leukaemia, and his donor not only was a good blood match but also had a gene mutation that confers natural resistance to HIV. If we can get our hands on the mutation, then this would be, as some rather unsavoury German guy put it, the final solution to the AIDS question. Medical science will always have "only come so far", but it will come further as time goes by. Just as there is hope that North Korea will reunite with the South, there is hope that a similar mutation can be found to cure cancer as well. And there is hope that Qatar can overcome all their obstacles to hosting a successful World Cup by 2022.

Not an exciting match but the Gunners went down

Man United beat Arsenal 1-0 at Old Trafford this morning. The goal was scored by Ji-Sung Park, and four bellends from the losing team received yellow cards.

Man United are now at the top of the table, but the Premier League should drop the points system and give the Premiership to the winner of a game played between the team with the most wins and the team with the least losses after the season is over, because the way the teams are going right now, Arsenal or Chelsea could win the Premiership despite the fact that they’ve already lost a few matches each and Man U hasn’t lost a match all season.

SPOTLIGHT ON KOREA: The South is losing patience

South Korea is losing patience with North Korea and probably will take military action. It doesn't necessarily have to be an all-out war, but there could finally be some hope of reuniting the Korean peninsula. The South have recognised the importance of cleaning the North out with a Karcher because a South Korean government that does not react would not be able to survive there, and what is needed is a united Korea under Seoul's influence because there is no way that people like Kim Jong-Il should be running the place. What else is needed is for the US to consider sending all its troops to Pyongyang because one army cannot always make a difference on its own (case in point: it took more than just Britain to defeat Germany - twice).

Prayer doesn't work so why bother?

A fundamentalist Christian couple from Philadelphia who relied on prayer, not medicine, to try to cure their dying toddler son was convicted on Friday of involuntary manslaughter and child endangerment. This should serve as a wake-up call to any uber-religious wackos who think praying to some "higher power" that only exists in their minds will cure their child - it won't necessarily work. A doctor with many years of experience is better than some fictional higher power at curing many common ailments, therefore, I would not recommend prayer as an antidote to all ills and I most certainly would not recommend prayer for treating swine flu (which has recently made a return to Britain) or meningitis or Ebola or some other potentially fatal disease.

The Mounties get their man as usual

Action movie star and big-time tax fraud Wesley Snipes started the longest and hardest three years of his life today. He is starting a sentence at a minimum-security federal prison in Lewis Run, Pennsylvania for not filing income tax returns (the camp has 300 other inmates, and features (among other things) double-feature movie showings during the weekends, but nothing rated higher than PG-13, which pretty much rules out Snipes' action-heavy repertoire). This is some good work on the IRS's part because what some Hollywood stars don't realise is that they still have to pay taxes, and this will be a good opportunity for Snipes to have a long, hard think about the importance of paying taxes. Taxes are what pays for schools, the military, hospitals, roads, the courts, the police, and unemployment benefits (also known as "the dole"), and if you don't pay your tax, then you're stealing from everyone that these taxes are used to pay - in fact, the only exception is money raised for a charitable cause and if the Government charge taxes on donations, then they're the ones stealing - they're stealing from the people that the donations are being used to benefit and no law they can pass ever makes said theft, or any theft for that matter, OK.

Last week's Man United game scheduled for the 25th next month

Man United's away game against Blackpool was called off due to a frozen pitch at Bloomfield Road, but they have decided that Man U will attempt to drown Blackpool (or be drowned) on the 25th of January. This sort of carry-on is why English sports venues need an under-soil heating system (already required in the German Bundesliga). There have been several cases of matches in Holland that are supposed to take place around Christmas but have to be called off due to there being too much snow on the fields. This just goes to show how valuable under-soil heating is in colder climates - this way, less matches will be cancelled or postponed, there will be less logistical headaches in things like rescheduling the match and fans re-scheduling their travel plans if a match does get postponed, and there will be less money lost through processing ticket refunds if a match is actually cancelled.

But low-carb beers are for homosexuals

A Marlborough-based boutique beer brewer has supposedly offended the gay community with a marketing campaign suggesting low carb beers are only for homosexuals. The brewer, Moa Beer, had planned to give away T-shirts which said "Low carb B(Q)eers, Moa Beer - full strength" (a pink Q was superimposed on the first B). Even though one should think twice about referring to queers in this context, I'm with the brewers on this one - low-carb beer isn't real beer and I don't know any straight man that would be caught dead drinking low-carb, let alone low-alcohol, beer. I believe in choice but I also believe in self-respect, and with that in mind, I'd rather have my balls sliced open than drink low-carb beer.

It's hard enough sending a cat to Abu Dhabi

But a guy from an Etihad flight from Jakarta had snakes, birds, and a squirrel. The result? Snakes on a Plane 2: A True Story. The guys at Abu Dhabi did a good job by confiscating the contraband because who knows what could've happened had the lapses in security that occurred back in Indonesia had occurred again in the UAE - the snakes could have been diseased and if they were allowed through, they could have caused some real damage to the local ecosystem or maybe harvested for their skin or their meat. But at least that was the end of the matter and he was allowed to enter the UAE - sans the snakes.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, their pension?

Fraudsters have stolen $1.6 million by claiming the pensions of dead family members. The frauds by widows, children, and grandchildren were on average NZ$105,000 each and some of the frauds have been going on since at least 1995. This was done by forging signatures on superannuation forms to show that the relatives are alive, however, claiming false pension payments is meant to be impossible because in 2004, the Ministry of Social Development began matching data with data in the Department of Internal Affairs, which manages death records, to ensure "dead" people were not claiming benefits. And yet, some bellends still do it, and 15 have pleaded guilty to various criminal charges. Death of a relative is not nice for anybody to experience and I realise that it's a great idea to make the best of a bad situation, but taking advantage of a death in such an unethical manner is not what I had in mind.

Things are getting bad in the UK

A poll recently conducted found out that one in every five Britons expects a family bust-up during the festive season. As much as I may be ready to throw down, Christmas is a time to put the bad blood aside and to love one another, not to pollute such a happy time of year with your personal vendettas. It may make a good storyline on EastEnders but it is unpleasant and besides, I don't even watch that show.

Also, the British government have expelled a Russian woman who worked in the parliament on trumped-up accusations of espionage. This action is possibly a petty act of revenge over England's failed World Cup bid, as there is absolutely no proof that Katia Zatuliveter is a spy. And besides, you can't just expel a foreigner for espionage unless a court finds that such espionage has in fact occurred, and in Zatuliveter's case, no court has found any evidence of espionage and the expulsion was just done for revenge without even so much as a court hearing.

A pretty spiky situation is afoot

That's right, five patrons of a bar in Napier were hospitalised last night after having their drinks spiked. This sort of carry-on is why I finish a pint or jug or whatever before leaving the glass unattended - this way, no bellend would be able to sneak their drugs into my drink. Alcohol causes more than enough problems even without such a stupid act as drink spiking on the list. I hope whoever did that act gets an adequate punishment.

Easy A gets F as far as Sony product placement goes

I saw the film Easy A today, and it was a great film with just one gripe, and boy is it a doozy: Sony products were seen in various scenes. This rant isn't meant to make a laughing stock of the Japanese electronics giant, however, some of the characters in the movie have Sony VAIO laptops, which almost always run the worst excuse anyone can find for an operating system: Microsoft Windows. Because the same company wasn't responsible for the operating system and the hardware, Windows is prone to bugs (as are Windows applications) and as for viruses, a Windows system can become infected at the drop of a hat. A Mac is by far better because you can take most of your Windows junk with you but none of those bellends will be able to get you with their malicious code and superior hacking skills. And besides, every other big-time director in Hollywood is putting Macs in their movies.