Good job, bellend

I don't mean you. Unless, of course, you are the Bellend of the Month for January 2011. But it's going instead to a Jeffrey Alexander Sterling, who is an ex-officer of the CIA who leaked national defence information several times during is 8 1/2 year tenure with the CIA. That bellend was taken into custody early this month by federal agents in St. Louis, Missouri, and was indicted on six separate counts of unauthorized disclosure of national defence information, as well as four additional charges: mail fraud, unlawfully keeping national defence information, obstruction of justice, and unauthorized conveyance of government property. This is not the sort of behaviour that anyone of his profession should be engaged in. That is just low and it's only right that he be the first African-American to receive this great dishonour.

Huck becomes PC

That's right, there should soon be a new edition of Huckleberry Finn which takes out every instance of the N-word and replaces them with slave. I commend NewSouth Books for finally figuring out a way to remove that disgusting word from such a classic literary work and leaving everyone wondering why nobody thought of such a simple substitution a lot sooner. I just hope everyone remembers that edition instead of one which uses the N-word.

Yay! No more Two and a Half Men for a while!

That god-awful TV show has been placed on production hiatus because one of the stars, Charlie Sheen, has checked into rehab. He's not on drugs, instead, he's in rehab for severe pain related to a hernia. I wish him the best, but I'm hoping they cancel Two and a Half Men because that show's just stupid.

Time to rebel against the Rebels

And I'm talking about both the new addition to the Super 14 (now Super 15) AND an Aussie motorbike gang that's coming to New Zealand. The outlawed gang is known as the Rebels Motorcycle Club, with about 2000 members and a record of killings, drugs, arms trafficking and extortion dating back to 1969. I don't want those bellends on our turf, especially considering that two years ago, 27 members were arrested after a series of raids across Australia. Police found huge quantities of drugs, including methamphetamine, heroin and cocaine. Firearms, cash, stolen goods and stolen vehicles were also seized. Nine years earlier another Australia-wide raid netted drugs, firearms and even a crocodile. Those scumbags already have chapters in not just Australia but also in the USA, Thailand, Malta, and Sweden, so they should focus on those before deciding to add to our gang problem.

Peer pressure has gone way too far

An ad on Student Job Search offered students aged between 18 and 29 $50 each to sample free cigarettes for eight days. Those bellends have really pushed it this time. This trial, which they say aims to make smoking less appealing to younger people, will actually make smoking more appealing to younger people, and why wouldn't it considering there was $50 in it. And besides, the $50 is likely to go towards more cigs.

Blackpool get drowned in nail-biting comeback

In the last 20 minutes of this morning’s Premier League clash at Bloomfield Road, Man United came back from a 2-0 deficit to beat Blackpool 3-2. Man United’s comeback was fuelled by two goals from Bulgarian goal-scoring machine Dimitar Berbatov and one goal from Javier Hernandez. The bellends behind Blackpool’s scoring were Craig Cathcart and DJ Campbell. In all, three yellow cards were shown.

Another medical breakthrough for lasers

That's right, lasers have already made their mark on the medical world in the form of eye surgery and kidney stone treatment (they are also good for tattoo removal), but there is a new use for lasers: helping smokers quit. This new therapy is based on the theory that applying the laser to certain acupressure points releases endorphins, and of course it's not for everyone, but this is a medical breakthrough nonetheless. If the patches are still working for you, then keep at it.

New nation in town

The Republic of South Sudan will likely split from the north on the 9th of July. Most of the valid votes cast in the referendum (or at least a sample of the votes) were for separation, so Sudan should enjoy its last days as the largest nation in Africa because come July 9, there will be a new nation in town.

22 down, 16 to go

This morning at Old Trafford, Man United continued their unbeaten run with a 5-0 defeat of the bellends playing for Birmingham City FC. In addition to a hat-trick by Bulgarian-born Dimitar Berbatov, one goal each was scored by Ryan Giggs and Nani. Still, it was a clean, fair game with nobody getting booked.

The wedding could yet be off

Prince William and Kate Middleton aren't even married yet - that will take place April 29 - but some Britons are already betting they will end up getting divorced. This is an experiment doomed to fail because there is still a chance that the wedding could be called off. And besides, there are better things to bet your money on, such as which numbers will be drawn during the weekend. But I suppose that's just the way book-makers these days are - they'll accept bets on anything, including Birmingham City FC losing to Man United tomorrow morning.

It appears something good came out of the recent Tucson shootings

Besides those huckaleros from the Westboro Baptist Church hopefully having been kept away from the resulting funerals, the corneas of a young girl who died in the shooting (for the record, she was born on 9/11 and her grandfather managed the Philadelphia Phillies when they won the World Series in 1980) have each been able to save the sight of one lucky kid elsewhere in Arizona. Although the bullet wounds would render her internal organs unusable, the fact that two kids are now able to see again because of her corneas would be one of the few good things to come out of a death. And speaking of death, I hope the scumbag that shot her gets the chair.

Rural South Auckland - it's the poo

Better put, its residents' houses are being splattered with poo that is being dropped from planes flying over the area. The Civil Aviation Authority should do something about this - maybe forbidding planes from releasing excrement from the onboard toilets until they're on the ground and a big bucket to collect it all can be put in place - because the unethical practice of dropping passengers' poo onto other peoples' houses in mid-flight is not cool. There are people living out in the country and the last thing they need is planes releasing crap in mid-air all over their nice lifestyle block. It's bad enough that they have poor TV reception out there.

I don't have anything to write about

And that's about it for tonight.

At least those bellends tried

Tottenham Hotspur failed to defeat Man United yesterday morning at White Hart Lane. The final score was 0-0, and a total of six players were booked. Rafael, who was one of those six players, was booked a second time and subsequently sent off.

It's time to GET BACK THAT HOUSE!

Garfield Gillings's house was stolen from him in 2003 in the wave of a pen, but the fight to get it back is still on. On the second anniversary of 9/11, Mr. Gillings called a collection agency to negotiate a payment of outstanding tax and water bills. He was told that the debt had already been paid. He asked who paid it and was told he did. But Mr. Gillings had not really paid the bill, which also removed a city tax lien. A few days later, he performed a title search and discovered that the old brick house, which he had been using as an art studio and storage spot, was no longer his. Somebody had forged his name on a bogus deed, signed the property over to a holding company, then filed papers with the city register. This sort of criminal behaviour is just low and it's only right that some woman from Long Island was eventually charged with and sent to prison for stealing Mr. Gillings’s house, along with more than 30 other properties. They need to find all the other people that that bellend was working for and leave those nasty pieces of scum to rot in the slammer, because a part of his life had been lost (workers hired by those nutjobs even threw out some of his paintings that he kept there) and the bellends that did it don't care one bit. This egregious conduct is not on, but they should do it to Amy Chua. Why? Read the post below this one.

I would never use the C-word about any woman

But it's headed that way for some woman I've just heard about named Amy Chua, who wrote an essay published by the Wall Street Journal titled "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior". She argues that tough love is the key to raising successful children. A little here and there may be OK, but this is too much: her parenting methods include never allowing her two daughters to "attend a sleepover, have a play date, be in a school play, complain about not being in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, or get any grade less than an A." I don't mean to be racist but such a stupid parenting style belongs in the Dark Ages and I cannot recall my parents using such a counter-productive style like the one that that bellend is advocating. A response that rebuts that essay comes from a Chinese mother who says "I am challenging Chua. Like her, I am a Chinese mother, born in Manila, with parents like hers, raised like her. Unlike her, I vowed to be a different parent from my parents. I encouraged my daughter to enjoy all the things Chua prohibited. I even let her miss school to watch the Oscars! Still, she scored 2340 on her SAT, 60 points off perfect, and was accepted by Harvard, Princeton and Yale. It would be interesting to see if Chua can produce the same results with her methods. I did not push. I encouraged. And I loved unconditionally." Because, seriously, no kid will be accepted by three Ivy League colleges after enduring the torture Chua puts her kids through.

Happy tenth birthday, Wikipedia!

Today is also Martin Luther King Day. In line with his dream "that [his] four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character", I must point the finger at the movie Burlesque. It's nothing to do with the skimpy costumes worn by some of the characters, but more to do with some rapidly flashing lights in one scene. I don't have epilepsy, but I do know that lights which flash that fast can cause epileptic seizures in some people. It had a tad too much swearing for its M rating and also had some scenes depicting drinking and cigarette smoking, but it's the flashing strobe lights and their possibility of causing a seizure that give this movie a thumbs down - if you have epilepsy, I'd recommend seeing something like The Dilemma, Tangled, or Yogi Bear instead.

It's Martin Luther King Day AND Wikipedia Day tomorrow

So happy 10th birthday for tomorrow, Wikipedia. And guys, please try to judge people not by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character.

I can't handle 1500 dogs - can you?

Ha Wenjin, a middle-aged woman from Nanjing, China, has adopted 1500 dogs. I see the point in having just one or two dogs but 1500 is way too many to care for - it's way too expensive especially if you're on minimum wage, they make way too much mess, and they will all need to be exercised. So here's a tip: if you have that many dogs, you should sell them to people who will actually do something with them.

Not today, Mr. Phelps.

Arizona residents are locking arms to stop the Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church from disrupting the funerals for victims of Saturday's shooting in Tucson, with bikers and others organizing a massive counter-protest and state lawmakers fast-tracking a bill to hamstring the group. This is by far one of the best ways to stop those bellends, who show up at the funerals of dead soldiers and other high-profile gatherings wielding anti-gay signs containing hateful speech along the lines of "God Hates Fags", from picketing a funeral scheduled for Thursday for a 9-year-old girl who was one of six fatally shot over the weekend at a Tucson grocery store. I hope the little girl's family is left to grieve in peace without having to listen to those religious wackos who think us ordinary people have lost touch with Christianity when they're actually the ones who could be going to hell.

Conscription is on its way out for Germany and Switzerland

It's about time those two countries moved on to an all-volunteer force, because I don't approve of conscription (a form of state-sanctioned slavery colloquially known as the draft) and if New Zealand hadn't abolished the draft by whatever age I would've gotten the call-up, I would've withdrawn all my savings and moved to Canada or some other country without the draft. Those young German and Swiss men are being drafted against their will into an unnecessary part of a country's infrastructure. It is worth having an all-volunteer force to help bring the regime of a tyrannical ruler to its knees but the draft is just stupid, and if I got a call-up notice, I'd be off on the next plane out of the country.

So what if it's a boy?

An Australian couple have aborted twin boys just because they wanted a girl, and they are going to court to win the right to use IVF treatment to choose the sex of their next baby. This is almost the same carry-on that goes on in China but with genders reversed. I'm all for abortion but doing it just because the baby is the wrong sex is not necessarily the right thing to do. If it's to save the mother's life, by all means go ahead - after all, it is an emergency. If it's because of incest or rape, it might not be the baby's fault but hey, let's face it: do you really want to be weighed down with a potential descendant of that scumbag for nine months? If it's for socioeconomic factors, I'd suggest getting funding from charities or tax credits or giving the baby up for adoption but if you feel the need to have it sucked into a vacuum, then there should be a clinic within easy reach. If it's because of foetal defects, I wouldn't recommend it: former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin carried her youngest child Trig to term despite the fact that he had Down's syndrome (and no, we do NOT call them mongoloids anymore), but if you'd rather not be having to care for these sorts of defects, then it's time for your kid to go the way of Old Yeller. But please bear this in mind: PENISES AND VAGINAS DON'T COUNT AS FOETAL DEFECTS - WE ALL HAVE EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER (sorry to be typing in uppercase - just hoping you get the message). Like I said, I'm all for abortion unless it's done just because of the appendages between the baby's legs. And I hope those bellends lose their court case.

The South shall rise again!

Southern Sudan, that is. Because a vote today by the black Christians and animists in the autonomous region of Southern Sudan could mean independence from the northern government dominated by Arab Muslims. But they are doing it the wimpy way when they could just unilaterally declare independence. The USA just up and split from Britain back in 1776 so how hard could it be?

Will they split? I say let the voters decide.

This isn't a reality TV show. This is real life and it's about to go down in the southern part of Sudan, which could split from the rest of Sudan if a majority of voters vote yes in a referendum scheduled for next week. Five years ago, Montenegro broke away from Serbia in a similar process with the percentage of yes votes slightly over the 55% majority that was needed for Serbia and Montenegro to go their separate ways, and I'm pretty sure we could see Sudan splitting in two with the blessing of a good enough majority of voters. But they'll need a new internet TLD, a new international dialling code (+28 is still unassigned), and a new currency. I hope all goes well and no bellends use unfair tactics to win.

UPDATE: South Sudan are going with +211 as their international dialing code (fitting because they split from Sudan in 2011), changing their currency to the South Sudanese pound (currently exchangeable at a 1:1 rate with the Sudanese pound), and have applied for the .ss internet top-level domain (which some believe will be rejected because SS was the abbreviation for the Schutzstaffel, which was a Nazi paramilitary corps). Also, Google Maps still haven't updated their maps to include the Sudan-South Sudan border.

This blog is turning one in nine weeks

Like I said, this blog is turning one in nine weeks.

Now they're after our Antarctic base?

Those freeloading Aussies are at it again - they stole a cricket match from us by having the final ball bowled underarm back in 1981, they are stealing people away from New Zealand with their lower tax rates and warmer climate (unless, of course, you settle in Tasmania), and now they've tried to get the US Air Force's Antarctic operations base moved from Christchurch to Tasmania, according to a cable released by WikiLeaks. Documents released by the whistle-blowing website show Mr Garrett, the Australian Environment, Heritage, and Arts Minister at the time, raised the issue in February of last year noting it would be faster (reportedly half the time it would take to fly from Christchurch) to fly from Tasmania than Christchurch to Antarctica. But they're wrong - Christchurch is 220km closer to the base, and besides, the New Zealand Government values the co-operation it has with the US at the Christchurch base. Sorry, descendants of convicts, but the base is not for sale.

THREE HUNDRED POSTS!

But first things first: Man United took their unbeaten run to 20 by beating Stoke City again in a clean, fair game in which nobody got booked. This time, it was a 2-1 victory at Old Trafford. Man United’s goals were scored by Javier Hernandez and Nani, and the bellend that prevented a shutout was Stoke City’s own Dean Whitehead.

Cancer could soon be its own victim

Last month, I posted on how some lucky German guy was supposedly made immune to HIV after receiving a blood transfusion. And there is also a post dating back to November mentioning a way to turn skin into blood. Now, the medical industry has come up with yet another breakthrough - a new test that could revolutionise cancer treatment. Apparently, the test just needs a teaspoon of blood to find a single cancer cell lurking among a billion normal ones, and can find the cancer before it is advanced enough to show up on other tests. It's not a cure but it's a start, as is the case with the outbreak of another Korean War.

Hopefully the extra Republicans won't be a Boehner

I wish the new Congress luck in passing legislation. It's not going to be easy with a Republican majority in the House and the Democrats just managing to hold on in the Senate, but people have made it through in tough times.

WBA pwned in Man United's second away win

2011 is getting off to a good start for Man United, who got their second away win of the season by beating West Bromwich Albion 2-1 at The Hawthorns. Man U's goals were scored by Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez, and West Brom scored at the hands of James Morrison. Four yellow cards all up were shown to various bellends from both teams.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I just hope the All Blacks can win the Rugby World Cup and end the 24-year drought.

Have a safe and happy 2011

But first, let's honour our Bellend of the Month: Roman Vintoniv (left). He is a Ukrainian TV journalist who was conducting interviews in the Verkhovna Rada (parliament) one day this month dressed in a bunny suit. The reason for the bunny suit was to protest the recent farcical behaviour from MP's in the former Soviet state, and his take on the “farcical behaviour” was that “if the Verkhovna Rada is turning into a circus, then this needs to be officially acknowledged and people need to dress appropriately”. That may be the case, given that there was a brawl between legislators the previous week, but Easter’s not until April. And besides, his appearance that day was completely unprofessional, and the only reason that bellend didn’t get kicked out was because there was no official dress code. There should always be an official dress code, and next time, the legislative violence should be confined to Taiwan. Again, have a safe and happy 2011.

It ain't too taxing... for now

The Government is introducing another tax hike on tobacco on Saturday - another 10% will be added to the cost of one of the filthiest habits known to man, and it's a good thing because cigarette smoke smells bad, cigarette butts are a major littering problem, and smoking is bad for your health. But if the Government are just allowing it for the tax revenue, they can get a good enough stream by putting taxes on solvents like glue or paint (which some bellends sniff), or taxing junk food, or bringing back smokeless tobacco (the tobacco will still be there but the smoke won't), or legalising (and remembering to put the taxes on) marijuana or cocaine or some other illegal drug. Or maybe they could put taxes on foreign music (and perhaps make the tax a bit higher for Australian music) to bring in a tax stream and promote New Zealand artists.

Draw at Saint Andrew's

Manchester United drew their away game against Birmingham at St Andrew's Stadium; the score was 1-1 at the final whistle. Man U's goal was scored by Dimitar Berbatov and Birmingham's goal was scored by a super-bellend named Lee Bowyer. The yellow cards were also split evenly with 3 apiece.

Man United creamed Sunderland

And can it be made any more obvious? Yes it can. The final score at Old Trafford was 2-0, with Dimitar Berbatov scoring both goals; moreover, two bellends from Sunderland got booked. Birmingham will be Man U's next scalp tomorrow morning. And if you're wondering about the match scheduled against Chelsea, that's now going to be played in March, when the weather over there is a bit better.

It's the silly season and I can't find anything to write about

But I hope Santa gave you lots of good presents.

Can't Comedy Central tell the difference between Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Right now, I'm watching a marathon of South Park Christmas specials I taped this afternoon. The first episode was the Thanksgiving special I commented on in April (the one where Kyle was seen eating a ham despite pork not being kosher) and that was well outside of the spirit of the season. Although the Thanksgiving episode was quite funny with Cartman being shipped off to Africa by mistake, Thanksgiving was a whole month ago and it isn't a very well-known holiday (or a very relevant one for that matter) outside of America. I don't mind a Hanukkah or Kwanzaa special thrown in among several Christmas episodes, but Thanksgiving isn't really in the same family of holidays and is mostly disregarded outside of North America, so I don't really see the point.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I hope Santa brings you lots of presents, and especially for the one-fifth of the British population that I commented on a few weeks ago, I hope the huge bust-up you were expecting was just something that you saw on EastEnders and didn't actually happen in real life. And I hope you're judging people on the content of their character because Martin Luther King Day is coming up in three weeks, and he didn't give his life just so you can run your racist mouth at some black guy and refer to him as that nasty, horrible word beginning with N. And I hope everyone stays in my good books in 2011. Once again, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa, or whatever it is you celebrate at this time of year.

Santa's not coming to various people who shall not be named

Today, I saw the movie Somewhere. It was a good movie with two rather nasty gripes: first off, I would like to point the finger at the protagonist who was not only smoking in various scenes, but in one scene set in Vegas, he took his 11-year-old daughter to a craps table at a casino. People should not be bringing their children into casinos. Problem gambling is a bad enough issue without children doing it. Also, some blame shall be assigned to the Office of Film and Literature Classification, who didn't rate the film responsibly. I don't mind gambling or violence or low levels of offensive language in an M-rated film, but if there's going to be smoking or alcohol (or casino gambling with a minor at the table) depicted in the film, then it needs to be restricted - M isn't enough because children can still get in. I'd recommend Meet the Parents: Little Fockers instead. I haven't seen it yet, but it should be focking great.

Trouble brewing in Belarus

Seven of the candidates who ran against Lukashenko in the recent election could face up to 15 years in prison. This is about as bad as what passes in Belarus for democracy gets. Lukashenko needs to either shape up or ship out because his human rights record over the last 16 years is atrocious. A foreign power needs to step in as soon as possible - even if it means something like the United States declaring war on the former Soviet republic, something needs to be done. It's a wonder nobody has used their common sense and actually done something about Lukashenko. He is a heartless scumbag and he needs to go.

I'm pretty offended by the pixellated face

This is one of the bellends I mentioned a few days ago. They currently have name suppression, which should NEVER be given out when a case of child abuse (especially considering that there are 36 charges all up) is suspected. In fact, given the egregious conduct against their 9-year-old daughter (assault on the girl with a machete, hammer, vacuum cleaner pipe, and broomstick; kicking her in the vaginal area while wearing work boots; tearing off her toenail; pouring salt on her bleeding toe; writing abusive comments on her body; immersing her in a hot bath in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering; making her stand for prolonged periods in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering; denying her medical treatment; and withholding food) and their 7-year-old son (assaulting him by strangling him and dragging him around by his neck, and assaulting him with an unknown object), the Government should bring back the death penalty but because the Government are a bunch of pussies, all we can hope for is that those bellends never get to see their children again.

And now he's locked up for real

A bellend who faked a life as an ex-prisoner of war will spend the next six months in jail for fraudulently claiming almost A$700,000 in veterans' pensions. His fraud showed scant regard to the real POWs and to the memory of those killed at the hands of their captors. This wasn't on the same level as the Holocaust scam I mentioned a couple of months ago, but that doesn't make it any more acceptable. His bogus story started back in the 60s when he met a bunch of real POWs at a country pub in South Australia, and had been able to keep it up for so long that he had begun to believe his own story. But now, the truth has been exposed and that bellend now has an opportunity to have a long, hard think about his actions.

Lukashenko rigged the election AGAIN!

Alexander Lukashenko has rigged yet another election. I can tell the election is rigged because it was reported that Lukashenko won almost four-fifths of the vote and the next one down (out of nine) only got one-fortieth. This election is a sham and there is actually a good reason why Belarus is the last dictatorship in Europe: the only way that that douche will step down is if he is dead - that's how the people of Romania got rid of Nicolae Ceausescu. Sometimes, it takes force to remove tyrants from power.

There'll be extra sea men on America's poop decks

Now might not be the best time for gay jokes but Obama has managed to get Congress to repeal the 17-year ban on openly gay people serving in the armed forces. This means there will be more soldiers to do their country proud, and a soldier can now come out without risking being discharged. This means there will be more people eligible to fight now-pointless wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and there will be more soldiers to overrun North Korea's communist overlords. This means America will have a stronger air force, army, National Guard, and yes, a stronger navy. If you have a problem with openly gay people serving in the military, then don't serve.

Why did CYFS return the kid to those bellends?

Police and social workers are appalled at the alleged abuse of a nine-year-old girl whose body was covered in bruises when she was found hiding in a wardrobe in a west Auckland house. Social workers said in court documents that the nine-year-old, who was removed from her parents by CYFS soon after she was born and returned to them two years ago, had been abused so badly that almost every part of her body was covered in injuries, including part of her scalp torn off her head as she was dragged down the hall. There is a whole variety of charges against both parents, which should be a wake-up call to all parents everywhere: CHILD ABUSE DOESN'T PAY. Believe me, the girl was a lot safer in a medieval torture room than with two bellends who should never be allowed to see their daughter again.

Greenland left the EU, so why not Ireland?

The European Court of Human Rights has ruled that Ireland's constitutional ban on abortion violates a pregnant woman's right to receive proper medical care in life-threatening cases. The reason for the ban may have been to appease the country's Catholic majority but if Ireland wants to stay in the European Union, they need to follow the EU's rules. Ireland has resisted extending abortion rights to women whose pregnancies represent a potentially fatal threat to their own health despite a 1992 judgment from the Irish Supreme Court that said Ireland should provide abortions in cases where a woman's life is endangered - including, controversially, by her own threats to commit suicide. In fact, those huckaleros in the Dail seriously need to consider some massive reforms because apparently, the abortion doctor and the patient can both be charged with murder if the abortion was deemed not medically necessary. That is stupid because personhood isn't achieved until you've left your mother's uterus, and unborn foetuses don't count as people and therefore cannot be murdered.

Would you like WiFi with that?

McDonald's has just become the largest free internet provider in New Zealand with the company today announcing free WiFi in nearly all its restaurants nationwide. But wait a minute: a fast food restaurant competing with the WiFi that Starbucks has? Actually, Maccas will give the likes of Starbucks a run for their money because at Starbucks, you have to pay for the WiFi. Sometimes I like to go to places just for the free WiFi, and if Starbucks wants more people bringing their laptops and smartphones into their cafes, they'd better start providing free WiFi or else people will risk their health by dining at McDonald's just for the free WiFi.

Four words for all you naysayers: it can cure AIDS.

A very unusual blood transplant appears to have cured an American man living in Berlin of infection with the AIDS virus. He had a blood stem cell transplant in 2007 to treat leukaemia, and his donor not only was a good blood match but also had a gene mutation that confers natural resistance to HIV. If we can get our hands on the mutation, then this would be, as some rather unsavoury German guy put it, the final solution to the AIDS question. Medical science will always have "only come so far", but it will come further as time goes by. Just as there is hope that North Korea will reunite with the South, there is hope that a similar mutation can be found to cure cancer as well. And there is hope that Qatar can overcome all their obstacles to hosting a successful World Cup by 2022.

Not an exciting match but the Gunners went down

Man United beat Arsenal 1-0 at Old Trafford this morning. The goal was scored by Ji-Sung Park, and four bellends from the losing team received yellow cards.

Man United are now at the top of the table, but the Premier League should drop the points system and give the Premiership to the winner of a game played between the team with the most wins and the team with the least losses after the season is over, because the way the teams are going right now, Arsenal or Chelsea could win the Premiership despite the fact that they’ve already lost a few matches each and Man U hasn’t lost a match all season.

SPOTLIGHT ON KOREA: The South is losing patience

South Korea is losing patience with North Korea and probably will take military action. It doesn't necessarily have to be an all-out war, but there could finally be some hope of reuniting the Korean peninsula. The South have recognised the importance of cleaning the North out with a Karcher because a South Korean government that does not react would not be able to survive there, and what is needed is a united Korea under Seoul's influence because there is no way that people like Kim Jong-Il should be running the place. What else is needed is for the US to consider sending all its troops to Pyongyang because one army cannot always make a difference on its own (case in point: it took more than just Britain to defeat Germany - twice).

Prayer doesn't work so why bother?

A fundamentalist Christian couple from Philadelphia who relied on prayer, not medicine, to try to cure their dying toddler son was convicted on Friday of involuntary manslaughter and child endangerment. This should serve as a wake-up call to any uber-religious wackos who think praying to some "higher power" that only exists in their minds will cure their child - it won't necessarily work. A doctor with many years of experience is better than some fictional higher power at curing many common ailments, therefore, I would not recommend prayer as an antidote to all ills and I most certainly would not recommend prayer for treating swine flu (which has recently made a return to Britain) or meningitis or Ebola or some other potentially fatal disease.

The Mounties get their man as usual

Action movie star and big-time tax fraud Wesley Snipes started the longest and hardest three years of his life today. He is starting a sentence at a minimum-security federal prison in Lewis Run, Pennsylvania for not filing income tax returns (the camp has 300 other inmates, and features (among other things) double-feature movie showings during the weekends, but nothing rated higher than PG-13, which pretty much rules out Snipes' action-heavy repertoire). This is some good work on the IRS's part because what some Hollywood stars don't realise is that they still have to pay taxes, and this will be a good opportunity for Snipes to have a long, hard think about the importance of paying taxes. Taxes are what pays for schools, the military, hospitals, roads, the courts, the police, and unemployment benefits (also known as "the dole"), and if you don't pay your tax, then you're stealing from everyone that these taxes are used to pay - in fact, the only exception is money raised for a charitable cause and if the Government charge taxes on donations, then they're the ones stealing - they're stealing from the people that the donations are being used to benefit and no law they can pass ever makes said theft, or any theft for that matter, OK.

Last week's Man United game scheduled for the 25th next month

Man United's away game against Blackpool was called off due to a frozen pitch at Bloomfield Road, but they have decided that Man U will attempt to drown Blackpool (or be drowned) on the 25th of January. This sort of carry-on is why English sports venues need an under-soil heating system (already required in the German Bundesliga). There have been several cases of matches in Holland that are supposed to take place around Christmas but have to be called off due to there being too much snow on the fields. This just goes to show how valuable under-soil heating is in colder climates - this way, less matches will be cancelled or postponed, there will be less logistical headaches in things like rescheduling the match and fans re-scheduling their travel plans if a match does get postponed, and there will be less money lost through processing ticket refunds if a match is actually cancelled.

But low-carb beers are for homosexuals

A Marlborough-based boutique beer brewer has supposedly offended the gay community with a marketing campaign suggesting low carb beers are only for homosexuals. The brewer, Moa Beer, had planned to give away T-shirts which said "Low carb B(Q)eers, Moa Beer - full strength" (a pink Q was superimposed on the first B). Even though one should think twice about referring to queers in this context, I'm with the brewers on this one - low-carb beer isn't real beer and I don't know any straight man that would be caught dead drinking low-carb, let alone low-alcohol, beer. I believe in choice but I also believe in self-respect, and with that in mind, I'd rather have my balls sliced open than drink low-carb beer.

It's hard enough sending a cat to Abu Dhabi

But a guy from an Etihad flight from Jakarta had snakes, birds, and a squirrel. The result? Snakes on a Plane 2: A True Story. The guys at Abu Dhabi did a good job by confiscating the contraband because who knows what could've happened had the lapses in security that occurred back in Indonesia had occurred again in the UAE - the snakes could have been diseased and if they were allowed through, they could have caused some real damage to the local ecosystem or maybe harvested for their skin or their meat. But at least that was the end of the matter and he was allowed to enter the UAE - sans the snakes.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, their pension?

Fraudsters have stolen $1.6 million by claiming the pensions of dead family members. The frauds by widows, children, and grandchildren were on average NZ$105,000 each and some of the frauds have been going on since at least 1995. This was done by forging signatures on superannuation forms to show that the relatives are alive, however, claiming false pension payments is meant to be impossible because in 2004, the Ministry of Social Development began matching data with data in the Department of Internal Affairs, which manages death records, to ensure "dead" people were not claiming benefits. And yet, some bellends still do it, and 15 have pleaded guilty to various criminal charges. Death of a relative is not nice for anybody to experience and I realise that it's a great idea to make the best of a bad situation, but taking advantage of a death in such an unethical manner is not what I had in mind.

Things are getting bad in the UK

A poll recently conducted found out that one in every five Britons expects a family bust-up during the festive season. As much as I may be ready to throw down, Christmas is a time to put the bad blood aside and to love one another, not to pollute such a happy time of year with your personal vendettas. It may make a good storyline on EastEnders but it is unpleasant and besides, I don't even watch that show.

Also, the British government have expelled a Russian woman who worked in the parliament on trumped-up accusations of espionage. This action is possibly a petty act of revenge over England's failed World Cup bid, as there is absolutely no proof that Katia Zatuliveter is a spy. And besides, you can't just expel a foreigner for espionage unless a court finds that such espionage has in fact occurred, and in Zatuliveter's case, no court has found any evidence of espionage and the expulsion was just done for revenge without even so much as a court hearing.

A pretty spiky situation is afoot

That's right, five patrons of a bar in Napier were hospitalised last night after having their drinks spiked. This sort of carry-on is why I finish a pint or jug or whatever before leaving the glass unattended - this way, no bellend would be able to sneak their drugs into my drink. Alcohol causes more than enough problems even without such a stupid act as drink spiking on the list. I hope whoever did that act gets an adequate punishment.

Easy A gets F as far as Sony product placement goes

I saw the film Easy A today, and it was a great film with just one gripe, and boy is it a doozy: Sony products were seen in various scenes. This rant isn't meant to make a laughing stock of the Japanese electronics giant, however, some of the characters in the movie have Sony VAIO laptops, which almost always run the worst excuse anyone can find for an operating system: Microsoft Windows. Because the same company wasn't responsible for the operating system and the hardware, Windows is prone to bugs (as are Windows applications) and as for viruses, a Windows system can become infected at the drop of a hat. A Mac is by far better because you can take most of your Windows junk with you but none of those bellends will be able to get you with their malicious code and superior hacking skills. And besides, every other big-time director in Hollywood is putting Macs in their movies.

One gold trophy, two green bands, two new countries.

The World Cup is venturing into unknown territory - Russia will host the tournament in 2018 and Qatar in 2022, no thanks to two bellends that were suspended from voting amid allegations of vote-selling. I didn't think Qatar would get to host because a) it's too hot during the day, b) their laws do not allow recognition of Israel, and c) Islam, which is the predominant religion on both sides of the Gulf, forbids the consumption of alcohol and rightly so because of all the health and social problems involved. But they can overcome all that by having solar-powered air conditioners to cool the stadiums, letting Israel participate, and allowing consumption of alcohol purchased from special "fan zones". I just hope that alcohol doesn't cause any problems during the event like it did at the Four Nations doubleheader in Eden Park last month when spectators were chucking beer bottles onto the field.

I'm just glad I'm not in Queenstown

Because otherwise, I could've been yet another victim of Marcelo Da Silva Araujo, who is some bellend from Brazil who used forged credit cards to steal $4700 from five customers of a bar he worked at. It's a good thing his work permit expires on the 20th and Immigration New Zealand made the right decision in not issuing that scumbag another one, because credit card fraud is unethical and should never be tolerated in any place at any time. This is not the first time Queenstown has been hit by credit fraud, and they should do something about it before some other bellend decides to capitalise on the potential for ill-gotten gains.

Just use an executive order

Barack Obama is trying to get Congress to repeal the US military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy by the end of the year. The reason for such a fast-tracked process is so that this can happen while the current legislators are still in (the House of Representatives is elected every two years, as is one third of the Senate, and most of the House will be made up of a Republican majority next year). But I believe an executive order could be used to do this way faster. Getting Congress to do it takes too long, and if you're the President, you can use an executive order to manage almost anything. Clinton, also a Democrat, could've just integrated openly gay people in the military lickety-split with an executive order, but no, that two-timer just had to put "don't ask, don't tell" in place (not to mention performing unspeakable acts with one of his interns during his second term), and Obama's next course of action when the Republican-dominated House comes in would have to be the executive order.

Another month, another bellend.

This month, it’s Peter Yeats. Early this month, the former sergeant with Sussex Police in England was found guilty of misappropriating £3500 in lost and found money back in July. How this worked was that he used a police computer to read about the find on an incident database and rang his own force three times using the name "Kirk Rose", and told officers he was from Cornwall and his wife had lost around £3000 in the area the previous day. Police did the right thing (considering that that is not the sort of behaviour we want on a police force anywhere, and police officers are supposed to uphold the laws) by launching an investigation into the veracity of these claims as they felt the condition of the money was so poor that it been left in the open for much longer, and the calls were traced to his police-issued mobile, blowing his scam wide open. So let’s hear it for our new Bellend of the Month.

How can "nobody" be responsible for a stampede?

Last week, a stampede in Cambodia killed 351 people, and it was recently found that nobody was responsible. But how can "nobody" be responsible for a stampede when it was clearly the fault of everyone that took part in it? That is just bollocks because there were more than 1,000 people taking part - they were trying to cross a narrow bridge while celebrating the end of an annual Water Festival on a man-made entertainment island, and the crowd suddenly panicked and started to run. So I don't believe those bellends when they say that there was nobody to blame - there was at least a thousand people involved.

Dragons, Blackburn get burnt

Man United beat the Blackburn Rovers 7-1 at Old Trafford. Five of Man United's goals were scored by Dimitar Berbatov, and the others were scored by Nani and Ji-Sung Park. Blackburn's goal was scored by Christopher Samba (who is of course a bellend), and two of his teammates were yellow-carded.

The All Blacks have accomplished another Grand Slam after beating Wales 37-25. New Zealand's try-scorers were Hosea Gear who scored two, and Mils Muliaina, Isaia Toeava, and John Afoa who each scored one; Dan Carter finally secured the world record for most career points in test rugby after scoring two penalties and three conversions. Wales only made off with a try by Lee Byrne and six penalties and a conversion by Stephen Jones. Daniel Braid was yellow-carded in the 52nd minute for not rolling away after a tackle.

SPOTLIGHT ON KOREA: South Korean marines vow revenge

The situation in Korea is getting pretty tense. Lieutenant General Yoo Nak Joon, commander of the South Korean Marine Corps, has decided that the entire corps is to avenge the two marines that were killed in last week's shelling of Yeonpyeong. They could have got all the other branches of their military to help them, but the main thing is that South Korea have finally realised that economic sanctions against another country are futile, and they have finally realised that they need to clean the offending areas out with a Karcher if they want any results. If you want to remove tyrannical rulers, you need to go to war because sometimes the only answer is violent means.

SPOTLIGHT ON KOREA: Finally there could be some action on the Korean peninsula

Or at least according to the North, who said today that impending military exercises by the South and the United States are pushing the region towards war. It might not be the entire US military going in, but there is hope that the Korean peninsula will soon be reunified and that Kim Jong-il will soon go the way of Hitler, Ceausescu, and Saddam. I am relieved that the South are finally prepared to take a stand against the North, even if people die in the process. Wars have been necessary to remove tyrants in the past and another one may be the one thing that will red-card the Red Peril, who have had a stranglehold over the northern half of the peninsula for way too long.

It doesn't pay to counterfeit

Thousands of counterfeit Australian notes have been seized both in Australia and the United States, and three bellends (all of which are middle-age Australian men and two of which were in Australia at the time of their arrest and will be facing a judge next week) have been arrested as a result. That is some good work the US Secret Service and the Australian Federal Police carried out because counterfeiting currency is not on. If you have counterfeits in circulation, you have more money in circulation, right? Wrong. If you have counterfeits in circulation, then there will be a reduction in the value of real money, increases in prices due to more money getting circulated in the economy and the fact that companies are not reimbursed for counterfeits, and decrease in the acceptability of money because payees may be forced to demand electronic transfers of real money or payment in a precious metal such as gold. Because of the effects of counterfeiting on the economy, whatever those spineless bellends get is too good for them.

SPOTLIGHT ON KOREA: It's a start but it won't do much

South Korea has threatened North Korea with retaliation over the shelling of Yeonpyeong. That is the perfect start but unless you're actually doing anything, then you won't remove those tyrants from power. The issue here is that South Korea has to actually do something to achieve the results. This blog doesn't do nightly updates by itself - I type up the posts. And unless you have a maid, you'll have to clean up your room by yourself because those toys on the floor aren't going to come to life like in Toy Story and walk to their proper places by themselves. And nobody can stop Kim Jong-il and his Red Peril with threats alone - that communist wasteland needs to be cleaned out with a Karcher if you want to get things done.

SPOTLIGHT ON KOREA: The States should have just stepped in earlier

But they didn't and now North Korea has shelled Yeonpyeong Island in South Korea. This latest attack on South Korea is unacceptable and it's high time that Obama deployed some heavy artillery to get rid of the Red Peril before yet another attack occurs. There's already been naval engagements at Yeonpyeong in 1999 and 2002, a naval battle near Daecheong last year, and the Cheonan sinking six months ago. Suspending trade is no longer an option and I think it's high time that force be used to get rid of tyrants like Kim Jong-Il.

Tattoo prank goes to court

Last week, a bellend named Matthew Brady who gave his friend Chester Ives a tattoo of a penis instead of a yinyang symbol appeared in court. One of the charges against Brady has been upgraded from assault to grievous bodily harm, and rightly so because the tattoo will have to be removed by means of six moderately painful treatments spaced out over 24 to 36 weeks (around 5½ to 8 months) at about $120 Australian per session. The trial will continue in roughly seven weeks.

Just Wales to go now

The All Blacks are now one game away from their third Grand Slam in five years after delivering a 38-18 thrashing to Ireland (by the way, they accomplished most of that before bringing Sonny Bill on). The All Blacks got their points from two tries by Kieran Read, one try each by Anthony Boric and Sam Whitelock, and four penalties and three conversions by Daniel Carter. Ireland scored their points from one try each by Stephen Ferris and Brian O'Driscoll, and two penalties and a conversion by Jonathan Sexton.

Afterwards, it was time to head to Old Trafford and watch Man United beat a nine-man Wigan Athletic 2-0. The bellends who got the dreaded red card were Antolin Alcaraz (who was booked twice) and Hugo Rodallega (straight red). The other booking in the match went to Mohamed Diamé. Man United's goals were scored by Patrice Evra and Javier Hernandez.

To abort or not to abort?

That is the question that a couple in Minnesota, comprised of two possibly insane 30-year-olds named Pete and Alisha Arnold, are asking visitors to their site. I don't know anybody that would trivialise the abortion debate in such a stupid way. This stupid publicity stunt gives the impression that making this profoundly personal decision is akin to voting on a reality TV show, and it's pretty much pointless because the woman has had several miscarriages in the past and even if they didn't have the abortion, there could be yet another miscarriage headed the Arnolds' way.

The tanks would be of better use in Pyongyang

The United States has waited over nine years to send tanks into Afghanistan. But the war is just pointless now and if Obama wants to deploy tanks, they could be put to better use in getting rid of some of the world's most oppressive tyrants, which can be found in the likes of Myanmar or North Korea. Sending tanks into an area that Bush has already helped win the war in is completely pointless, and the US should just withdraw the troops from Afghanistan and Iraq, and then put them to better use bringing about democratic reform in countries ruled by some of the world's most oppressive regimes.

No Sleep Till Brooklyn? How about No Sleep In Brooklyn?

A coffee shop in the Crown Heights neighbourhood of Brooklyn is putting out a coffee with ten shots of espresso in a single serving. I can handle a double-shot but ten shots is just overdoing it. This stupid publicity stunt would have kept people from falling asleep while watching the recent World Cup (the vuvuzelas on their own would have been enough for most people), but there is absolutely no way that anyone would want to drink a ten-shot espresso because that is way too much caffeine for anyone. The bellend in charge needs to take a good look at the way that outfit is being run because if everyone started drinking such a strong brew, then nobody would be able to get any sleep. Not only that, but large doses of caffeine can increase heart rate and blood pressure.

Facebook at work? Not on my turf!

Some nitwit named Jeffery Cole thinks that employees using Facebook at work should be tolerated because it apparently leads to better productivity. That is total bull because there is no way that your boss will tolerate anyone slacking off like that, and if you get fired for repeatedly wasting company time like that, then your prospective employers will likely turn you down during the subsequent job hunt. Checking your Facebook status or instant messaging at work is an unnecessary waste of company time and it demonstrates a total lack of professionalism in the workplace. If you do experiment with letting such frivolous activities take place during company time in the hope that it will lead to better productivity, then the whole thing will turn into chaos within a week or two.

I'm just glad I'm not going to be flying with Qantas next September

Instead, I'll be flying to the locations of all of Italy's Rugby World Cup games courtesy of Air New Zealand. But that's not the point here. The point here is Qantas's recent safety record. Their planes have had four mid-air incidents (all engine problems) in ten days, the fourth one being an international Boeing 747 flight where smoke entered the cockpit and the pilots had to reach for their oxygen masks and turn back to Sydney. This latest incident is also the third one affecting their Boeing fleet, and if Qantas don't get their act together and investigate what is causing their planes' engines to fail in mid-flight (it could be poor workmanship at Boeing's factory), then nobody will want to fly with Qantas during the Rugby World Cup next September. And besides, Jetstar is cheaper.

Man United continue to hang onto unbeaten run in a sea of yellow cards

Villa Park was the site of Man United's away game against Birmingham-based outfit Aston Villa. Man United came back from a 2-0 deficit late in the game to bring about a 2-2 draw. Man United's goals were scored by Federico Macheda and Nemanja Vidic. Aston Villa's goals were scored by Ashley Young and Marc Albrighton. Several players from both teams were acting like complete bellends on the field, and seven of them got booked.

Aung San Suu Kyi has been freed

And also, we've finally managed to wrestle the Four Nations trophy back off the Aussies. The Kiwis won 16-12. New Zealand scored points from one try each by Shaun Kenny-Dowall, Jason Nightingale, and Nathan Fien; Benji Marshall kicked two goals. Australia scored points from one try each by Brent Tate and Billy Slater; Cameron Smith also kicked two goals.

Sonny Bill is still waiting on his first point as an All Black, but the All Blacks beat Scotland (who haven't won a test against the All Blacks since 1905) 49-3. The All Blacks got their points from two tries each by Hosea Gear and Mils Muliaina, and one try each by Dan Carter, Conrad Smith, and Andy Ellis; all tries were converted with Dan Carter converting five and Stephen Donald converting two. A penalty kicked by Dan Parks was all that kept Scotland from being shut out.

They're not really going to free her

Detained Nobel peace prize laureate Aung San Suu Kyi is due to be freed from house arrest today, three days after an election that was rigged just so those authoritarian twats known as the Union Solidarity and Development Party can stay in power. I don't believe that they're actually going to free her, but then again, you can't believe any of the crap that comes from that place - when Than Shwe released 9000 prisoners a few years ago, only 40 of those were political prisoners, and the other 8960 were common criminals. I think a better way to sort things out is for the UK to take back the country because even the Queen can run a country better than a total douche like Than Shwe or Kim Jong-Il.

The German legal system appears to be crumbling

A German judge called Helmut Knoener has let 42 speeding drivers off without charges in the last week because he thinks that the speed controls merely serve to fill the state's coffers rather than prevent accidents. Speeding is just stupid and any driver caught speeding should be expected to pay the price if there is enough evidence to back it up. Mr Knoener sees no legal justification for using photos in speeding-related court cases, and is calling for clearer regulations about how, when, and where speed controls can be conducted, but that is no excuse to let speeders off without charge and besides, the Public Prosecution Service can still appeal the "sentences". I believe the people should be allowed to elect their courts' judges because if there are bellends like Mr Knoener on the bench, then this is the first sign that your country's legal system is about to crumble to the point of no return.

Goalless draw in Manchester local derby

The City of Manchester Stadium was the site of a 0-0 draw between Man United and Man City this morning, and only two players got booked.

Holocaust victim scam lands 17 in court

17 senseless bellends stole more than $54 million from a non-profit group based in New York, known as the Conference on Jewish Material Claims Against Germany, that distributes German government money to Jewish victims of the Holocaust. Those nasty pieces of work, of which six worked for the Claims Conference, tricked the non-profit into making about 5,500 payouts based on false claims. Two of the funds that you can claim from the non-profit were targeted by the scheme: one fund makes a single $4,639 payment to Jewish victims of the Nazis, and the other makes monthly payments of $529. Being a tertiary student, that much extra money would really make life easier for me but I know better than to scam a non-profit into whoring out funds meant for people who were victimised by history's worst crime and then use said funds for my own personal gain. That is just horrible and the Claims Conference did the right thing by contacting the FBI as soon as the fraud was discovered.

So now you can turn skin into blood?

A Canadian study published on Sunday claims that stem cell researchers have found a way to turn a person's skin into blood. What happens is that cells from a patch of a person's skin are transformed into blood that is a genetic match, and then you'd be able to make your own blood for a transfusion. However, I'm not sure if Jehovah's Witnesses, who already reject other people's blood for religious reasons, would turn their own skin into blood. And personally, I think that's a ludicrous idea and they should actually study it more.

Ji-Sung Park takes down the Wolves

Yesterday morning, the Wolverhampton Wanderers were at Old Trafford to see if they could beat Man United, but Man U won 2-1. Both of Manchester United's goals were scored by Ji-Sung Park and the Wolves' only goal came from a bellend called Sylvan Ebanks-Blake. The only player to be booked was Javier Hernandez, which is pretty disappointing coming from the quickest player in this year's World Cup (top speed on the field 32.15 km/h).

New haka fails to produce a good enough result

New Zealand and Australia played their Four Nations game last night. The Kiwis used a new haka this time round but it proved to be futile because the Kangaroos won 34-20. Australia got their points from two tries by Brett Morris, one try each by Cooper Cronk, Brent Tate, Darius Boyd, and Chris Lawrence; goal-wise, Cameron Smith kicked three, and Todd Carney kicked two. New Zealand got their points from one try each by Frank Pritchard, Jason Nightingale, and Shaun Kenny-Dowall, and Benji Marshall kicked four goals. Nobody got sent to the bin despite all the aggression that took place during the game.

This morning, it was the All Blacks' turn to get the alphabet soup (yes, I do use that pun a bit much); they beat England 26-16. The All Blacks got their points from tries by Hosea Gear and Kieran Read; Daniel Carter added four penalties and two conversions. England got theirs from a try by Dylan Hartley; Toby Flood added three penalties and a conversion. Jerome Kaino was sent to the bin in the 72nd minute for repeated infringing.

Looks like Canterbury didn't even need Sonny Bill

But he did prove himself to the All Black selectors and he became an All Black. Sadly, that bellend Graham Henry didn't pick him for the test in Hong Kong, where his inclusion could've meant a more favourable outcome than last weekend's 26-24 to the Wallabies. Canterbury still managed to win last night's ITM Cup final 33-13 against Waikato. Canterbury got points from a try, two penalties, and two conversions by Colin Slade, a try each by Tu Umaga-Marshall, Ryan Crotty, and Matt Todd, and a penalty by Stephen Brett. Waikato got their points from tries by Toby Smith and Henry Speight and a penalty by Trent Renata.

England and Papua New Guinea have both lost their last two games, one each to New Zealand and one each to Australia, however, their match against each other resulted in Papua New Guinea being walked all over by England, who won 36-10. England's points came from four tries by Tony Clubb, two tries by Luke Robinson, one try by Ben Harrison, three goals by Ben Westwood, and one goal by Gareth Widdop. Papua New Guinea's points came from tries by Makail Aizue and Menzie Yere as well as a goal by Dion Aiye.

Score one for free music

A Minnesota woman ordered to pay US$1.5 million for sharing songs online is not planning to pay the recording industry. I commend her for taking a stand against such high damages for violating the copyrights of just 24 songs. In 2007, a jury ordered a payment of US$222,000. Then last year, a second jury increased her damages bill to almost US$2 million. And now, a third jury has reduced this to US$1.5 million, but she is well within her rights not to pay such an unconstitutional amount of damages. Those bellends at the RIAA should think about who they're suing and how much they're suing for because frivolous lawsuits like this just cause more hassle for everyone.

Obama and Calderon should just pull the whole border down

The border police today found a sophisticated drug smugglers' tunnel around 550 metres long which linked a warehouse in Tijuana with one in San Diego. Mexican cartels have been boring several tunnels under the US-Mexico border in recent years to beat ramped-up security at ports of entry and the rugged spaces in between. This just goes to show that patrolling the border is just becoming too much work for both countries and I think Mexico should just become part of the United States (hypothetical merging of the two above), and that would mean that any crooks on the run would have to go even further to evade arrest - they would have to go past a smaller, three-nation border into either Guatemala or Belize, and also, Mexicans wouldn't have to sneak past the border for a better life because they would already be in America. These are rather compelling arguments for Barack Obama and Felipe Calderon to admit defeat and tear down the border - even if the Federal Reserve would have to add Spanish-language text to their famous "greenbacks" or the largely Catholic populace of Mexico would be upset at abortion having to become completely legal like it is in the States.

Will this turn anyone vegetarian?

The Food Safety Authority is looking to axe the government meat inspectors and allowing meat companies to do their own inspections. All meat is inspected by government inspectors before it reaches our plates (or burger wrappers) and if the meat companies are allowed to do their own inspections, then tainted meat would pass the quality checks, meaning that we would have to rely on overseas meat or go vegetarian. Our meat is the best quality in the world and we could stand to lose that reputation if the government inspectors go.

That bellend should have gone to prison

I am talking about Doctor Hongsheng Kong (not to be confused with the former British colony that is currently administered as part of China), who used false patient records to defraud the Ministry of Health of over NZ$183,000. The Auckland-based GP performed 3800 separate fraudulent transactions over a 33-month period that gained him extra funding under the Primary Health Organisation registry scheme. He also changed the ethnicities of some patients and wrote prescriptions for patients who were overseas to get his hands on even more dough. Fraud is a very serious offence and fraudsters should be punished to an equally serious extent - not just twelve months home detention and 400 hours community service - because the registry is honesty-based and he seriously breached the trust involved with the scheme.

Spurs go down as expected

Man United beat Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 at Old Trafford yesterday. The goals were scored by Nani and Nemanja Vidic. Three Spurs players got yellow-carded.

Australia took on England in last night’s Rugby League Four Nations fixture with Australia winning 34-14. Australia’s points came from two tries by Luke Lewis, one try each by Billy Slater, Brent Tate, Willie Tonga, and Lote Tuqiri; Cameron Smith scored five goals, England got their points from tries by Sam Burgess and Luke Robinson, two goals by Ben Westwood, and one by Leroy Cudjoe.

It's that time of the month again

I’m not on the rags because that’s a girl thing. It’s time to see who was the biggest bellend this month. And the Bellend of the Month for October 2010 is…

Marcus Jannes from Sweden. The award can be given posthumously and rightly so because this bellend used a webcam to film himself committing suicide and broadcast the successful attempt live on the Internet. If life is getting me down that badly, I would not kill myself and I especially would not be filming myself doing it. That muppet should have committed himself to a mad house because you would have to have some serious mental problems if you’re considering suicide. Mr. T would totally pity that fool and so do I, but hanging yourself on a noose made of network cable is never the answer.

Want an easy victory? Come in from behind!

That's what happened in both of tonight's rugby games, but not the league game from this afternoon: New Zealand beat Papua New Guinea 76-12 in this afternoon's Rugby League Four Nations clash. New Zealand's points came from three tries each by Junior Sa'u and Sam Perrett, two tries by Jeremy Smith, one try and two goals (remember that in league, there's no need to distinguish between conversions and penalties because they're both worth the same) by Issac Luke, one try each Simon Mannering, Lance Hohaia, Greg Eastwood, Jason Nightingale, and Sika Manu, and eight goals by Benji Marshall. Papua New Guinea's points came from one try each by Emmanuel Yere and Glen Nami; Ryan Tongia scored two goals.

Waikato is in next week's ITM Cup final after a close game; they beat Auckland 38-37. Waikato's points came from tries by Sosene Anesi, Dominiko Waqaniburotu, Romana Graham, Henry Speight, and Hikairo Forbes; Trent Renata added three penalties and two conversions. Auckland got their points from Benson Stanley, Toby Morland, Auvasa Faleali'i, and Chay Raui; Gareth Anscombe kicked three penalties and four conversions.

The All Blacks and the Wallabies played a fourth Bledisloe Cup test in Hong Kong with the Wallabies coming out on top, final score 26-24. Whose fault is this? Graham Henry. That bellend made a terrible mistake in not having Sonny Bill Williams on the field - the former league star helped Canterbury win several ITM Cup games over the past couple of months and I think he would have helped the All Blacks keep their unbeaten run alive. But let's review how the Wallabies got that alphabet soup from right under our noses: tries by Quade Cooper, Adam Ashley-Cooper, Drew Mitchell, and James O'Connor; with two conversions by James O'Conner and one by Matt Giteau. The All Blacks scored tries courtesy of Jimmy Cowan, Cory Jane, and Ma'a Nonu; Daniel Carter scored a penalty and three conversions.

The ITM Cup goes into CRUNCH TIME!!!!

Canterbury beat Wellington 57-41 in tonight's ITM Cup semifinal. Canterbury's points came from two tries by Telusa Veainu, one try each by Steve Fualau, Sean Maitland, Robbie Fruean, and Isaac Ross, and five penalties and six conversions by Colin Slade. Wellington got their points from tries by Julian Savea, Apoua Stewart, Victor Vito, and TJ Perenara; Lima Sopoaga added five penalties and three conversions.

Billy Ray's getting a divorce

And I think I know why. It's because of that song about his achy breaky heart. Weird Al's parody of that song was right on and I too would rather be tied to a chair and kicked down the stairs than having to listen to such bull. I cannot stand country and western and I believe that your spouse putting out such awful rubbish and passing it off as music is just as good as any other excuse to terminate the marriage. I commend his wife for dropping that low-life from her life, and I would've done the same. I too would happily go through a messy divorce proceeding and I would happily give up half my property (but not my Macbook; in fact, if I get married, the missus would never find out about it just in case things don't work out) in exchange for half of theirs.

There's nothing to write about tonight

Maybe I'll just write about the fact that there's nothing to write about tonight.

Tattoo prank turns sour

If you want a good reason not to get a tattoo, here's a news story I found from across the ditch. An Australian man wanted a Yinyang symbol tattooed on his back but instead he was given one of a penis with a misspelled slogan implying he was gay, and it will cost him A$2500 to remove. The loser that did the tattoo has been charged by police with two counts of assault, occasioning bodily harm, and one offence related to local public safety legislation. Of course tattooists make mistakes but that bellend has just pushed it and when he appears in court in three weeks time, I hope the judge hands down a suitable punishment for his nasty prank.

Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the wave...

But Man United ruled Britannia Stadium this morning when they scored their first away win of the season by beating Stoke City 2-1. Man United's goals were both scored by Javier Hernandez, and Stoke City's goal was scored by Tuncay Sanli. In addition, two players from each side were booked (all of them being from the British Isles): Daniel Collins, Marc Wilson, Gary Neville, and Paul Scholes.

That's just about it for the ITM Cup

Auckland squared off against Tasman and won 49-10. Gareth Anscombe, who scored 34 of Auckland's points, scored three tries, five conversions, and three penalties. The rest of Auckland's points were from one try each by Toby Morland, Brent Ward, and Atieli Pakalani.

Hawke's Bay beat Counties Manukau 31-28. Hawke's Bay's points came from tries by Kahn Fotuali'i, Bryn Evans, Michael Johnson, and Gillies Kaka; Mark Jackman scored a penalty and three conversions and Daniel Kirkpatrick scored a conversion. Counties-Manukau got their points from a try, a penalty, and a conversion by Tim Nanai-Williams, and one try each by Fritz Lee (who is back from suspension after his red card for a dangerous tackle last month), DJ Forbes, and Ahsee Tuala.

The other Rugby League Four Nations match for this weekend took place this afternoon, with Australia shutting out Papua New Guinea 42-0. The points were scored from a try and five goals by Cameron Smith, two tries by Willie Tonga, and one try each by Cooper Cronk, Darren Lockyer, Brett Morris, Billy Slater, and Brent Tate.

Nearly 100 points all up

No, it's not an All Blacks game during the Rugby World Cup. It was Taranaki's 49-47 defeat of North Harbour. Taranaki's points came from two tries by George Pisi, one try each by Jayden Hayward, Mahonri Schwalger, David Smith, and Samuela Vunisa, and three penalties and five conversions by Beauden Barrett. North Harbour scored their points from three tries by Matt Luamanu, two tries by James King, and one try by Chris Smylie; Mike Harris kicked three penalties and four conversions.

Otago finally have an embarrassing season behind them, with the final nail in the coffin being Manawatu beating them 46-24. Manawatu got their points from tries by James Oliver (no relation to that bellend behind those unappetizing "school dinners"), Craig Clare, Hadleigh Parkes, Rob Foreman, Lewis Marshall, and Karl Bryson; Aaron Cruden added four penalties and two conversions. Otago's scored from a try and a conversion by Glenn Dickson, one try each by Alando Soakai and Paula Kinikinilau, and a penalty and two conversions by Chris Noakes.

The last game for tonight featured Wellington and Southland, Wellington win 27-14. Wellington's points came from tries by Tajhon Mailata, Alapati Leiua, and Ged Robinson; Lima Sopoaga scored two penalties and three conversions. Southland still managed tries by Glen Horton and James Wilson, both converted by Robbie Robinson.

While Southland were being trampled by Wellington, the Kiwis opened their Four Nations campaign against England, the score was 24-10 to New Zealand. New Zealand’s points came from a try and four goals by Benji Marshall, and one try each by Junior Sa'u, Lance Hohaia, and Shaun Kenny-Dowall. England’s points came from a try and a goal by Gareth Widdop, and a try by James Roby.

The end is almost nigh

The 13th round of the ITM Cup started last night Northland beating an injury-plagued bay of Plenty 36-24. Northland's points came from tries by David Holwell, Aaron Bancroft, Dean Budd, Rhyan Caine, and Simon Munro; and Lachie Munro added four conversions and a penalty. Bay of Plenty got theirs from tries by Taniela Moa, Josh Hohneck, and Grant McQuoid; also, Mike Delany scored two conversions and Colin Bourke scored a conversion and a penalty.

Tonight's game was between Canterbury and Waikato, Waikato won 26-6. Waikato got their points from tries by Alex Bradley and Soseni Anesi; Trent Renata scored four penalties and two conversions. Canterbury's points composition can be summed up in just five words: two penalties by Colin Slade.

Who loves New York? You'll be loving it even more now...

That's right, Michael Bloomberg isn't just some bureaucrat with a Jewish-sounding name. He is a mayor that really knows how to work that Karcher in areas that need to be cleaned out, and one area that is being targeted is smoking. Smoking is already banned in restaurants and bars in the Big Apple but he wants to extend the ban to parks, beaches, boardwalks, pedestrian plazas, and other outdoor public spaces. I applaud him because smoking is really bad for your health, the taste and smell of cigarettes is appalling, and it's just a waste of money. A person sitting within one metre of a smoker outside can be exposed to levels of secondhand smoke similar to those experienced indoors. And besides, if kids see people smoke in public or in a movie, they'd think it's cool and start doing it. You can argue by saying you have the right to smoke on a beach or in a park, but a parent has the right to walk by with their child and not have to worry about the potential threat of an asthma attack. There are better bad habits to get into like junk food - obesity may kill but it doesn't kill as quickly as cancer.

Fonterra are opening a dairy farm in China

I think that's a bad mistake because of the melamine scandal in 2008. What happened was that Sanlu, which Fonterra has a stake in, had watered down their infant formula so there would be more there and then faked the protein content by adding melamine. Fonterra knew about the tainted infant formula but didn't say jack about it until after the Olympics. If Fonterra open that farm, then they're just opening more of their dairy products to such dishonest practices. Fonterra shouldn't be opening their farm in that communist wasteland because things might get really bad if some of the employees started making a "high-protein" range which was actually high-melamine.

Now it seems child safety is "too explicit"

A police-run sexual safety programme in schools in New Zealand has become a target of outrage that it is "too explicit". One kid was reportedly asked how he would feel if his babysitter put her hands in his underpants, and to role play viewing porn with a cousin. That does sound wrong, but the programme, called Keeping Ourselves Safe, is run through schools in conjunction with education officers to educate children about safe environments, how to avoid getting into an unsafe situation, and how to get out of danger. A lot of children are unaware of some of those dangers, so it's our job to make them aware, and then if they find themselves in some of those situations, they'll know what they can do about it. The parents that are complaining about the programme are total bellends who have completely lost the plot. I understand if it doesn't seem age-appropriate at times but these are real issues that the cops are tackling, and the parents should just stop whining and get on with their lives.

The second-to-last of the second-to-last spells the end for the boys in blue

Auckland won 39-11. Auckland scored from a try, two penalties, and three conversions by Gareth Anscombe, one try each by Toby Morland, Isaia Toeava, Tom McCartney, and Joe Rokocoko, and a conversion by Matt Berquist. Otago only managed a try by Halani Aulika and two penalties by Glenn Dickson.

After that match, Hawke's Bay beat North Harbour 36-21. Hawke's Bay squared up the round with tries by Zac Guildford, Michael Johnson, Mike Coman, Ryan McLeod, and Chris Eaton; Richard Buckman added a penalty and three conversions and Mark Jackman only kicked a solitary conversion. North Harbour's points came from tries by Chris Smylie and Josh York; Michael Harris added three penalties and a conversion. Mike Coman was yellow-carded in the 21st minute.

Sonny Bill's now an All Black

But let's get on to last night's game between Wellington and Taranaki, final score was 49-15 to Wellington. Wellington's points came from tries by Alipate Leiua, Apoua Stewart, Alby Mathewson, Tajhon Mailata, Scott Fuglistaller, Ma'a Nonu, and Charlie Ngatai, with the goals being taken care of by Piri Weepu (a penalty and a conversion) and Limo Sopoaga (a penalty and three conversions). Taranaki's points came from tries by Jayden Hayward and Scott Ireland, with the extras being added in the form of a penalty by Willie Ripia and a conversion by Beauden Barrett.

Then it was on to the Man United game. They continued their unbeaten run by drawing against West Bromwich Albion 2-2 at Old Trafford. Man United's goals were scored by Javier Hernandez and Nani, and West Brom's were by Patrice Evra (an own goal) and Somen Tchoyi. The only yellow cards in the match went to two of the bellends that make up West Brom: Scott Carson and Nick Shorey.

More Round 12 action

Bay of Plenty took on Southland in a match in which the Bay outclassed fellow semifinal hopefuls Southland 33-22. The points were relatively spread out among the nine players who scored, with Bay of Plenty's points coming from a try, two penalties, and a conversion by Mike Delany, and a try each by Lelia Masaga, Toby Arnold, Taniela Moa, and Colin Bourke. Southland still managed a respectable amount of points, with theirs coming from a try, a penalty, and two conversions by James Wilson, and one try each by Seminar Manu and Brayden Mitchell. In the 62nd minute, both teams were relieved of their loosehead props for ten minutes when Jamie Mackintosh and Josh Hohneck were both yellow-carded for fighting.

Counties Manukau got their second Ranfurly Shield challenge of the season when they took on and lost to Canterbury 39-21. Canterbury scored a penalty try, the rest of their points came from tries by Robert Fruean, Sonny Bill Williams, Telusa Veainu, and Owen Franks; Stephen Brett added two penalties and four conversions. Counties Manukau got their points from tries by Sileki Nabou, Sherwin Stowers, and Ahsee Tuala, all three tries were converted by Dean Cummings.

If only Cruden had made one more kick

Round 12 of the ITM Cup kicked off last night with Waikato beating Manawatu 27-25. Stephen Donald scored most of Waikato's points, with his share coming from two tries, two penalties, and three conversions, and forming the remainder of the cube was a try by Malcolm Barnes. Aaron Cruden scored a majority of Manawatu's points, this time, it was a smaller heap consisting of a try, two penalties, and two conversions, and the other rows of the square were formed from tries by Rob Foreman and Michael Fitzgerald.

Tonight, Tasman beat Northland 34-29. Tasman's points weren't mostly the work of just one person, with tries being scored by Chris Jack, Blair Cook, Kade Poki, Fai Mika, and Poutasi Luafutu, and a penalty and three conversions being scored by Tom Marshall. Lachie Munro scored nearly half of Northland's points (a try, a penalty, and three conversions) and the rest were tries by Roy Griffin, Matt Wallis, and Tim Dow.

I may be single, but I'm not inadequate or pimpled!

Some bellend named Andrew Marr has suggested that most bloggers are "inadequate, pimpled, and single." Those are just stereotypes and they are completely inaccurate. If you click on the "next blog" link at the top of the page, you'll find several bloggers who are happily married and many of them even have kids. I support free speech but this has gone too far. Of course some bloggers ramble about their own personal issues or have little in the way of value but it's clear from the blasphemy that is coming out of his mouth that that muppet has completely lost the plot and is just out to undermine blogging as a way of self-expression when it's getting harder to go into journalism in its normal form.

Better late than never

After two long, slow months of anguish, some of the Chilean miners in Copiapo have finally been released. The youngest of the miners, 19-year-old Jimmy Sanchez, is among the seven already rescued, as is the only non-Chilean, 23-year-old Carlos Mamani from Bolivia. The rescuers took their time but they are finally making up for it even if they're only rescuing one miner per hour. I think it would have been faster if they had found a way to squeeze two or three miners into the capsule instead of just one.

Liu Xiaobo won that Nobel Peace Prize fair and square

The Chinese government are saying that giving a Nobel Peace Prize to a jailed dissident shows disrespect for their legal system. I think that's bollocks. Besides, the "crime" he is serving 11 years for is something that should be done to those far-left nutcases: subversion. All communists are subversive and the best way to fight their subversion, besides executing the Party Secretary, is to use subversion back. The Norwegian Nobel Committee sees it that way and has decided to reward this brave man with ten million kronor. He is brave enough to demand democratic transformation of the one-party government, and brave enough to break some of the most repressive of Chinese laws, but I think he should focus his efforts on North Korea next.

And that concludes Round 11

Round 11 of the ITM Cup finished yesterday afternoon with wins to Wellington and Tasman. In the first game, Wellington beat North Harbour 53-22. Wellington scored their points from two tries by Alipate Leiua, one try each by John Schwalger, Alby Matthewson, Scott Fuglistaller, Jeremy Thrush, and Julian Savea, and three penalties and four conversions by Piri Weepu. North Harbour got theirs from tries by Ben Botica and Matt Luamanu; Mike Harris added three penalties and two conversions.

In the second game, Tasman beat Bay of Plenty 41-39. Tasman's points were scored from tries by Kade Poki, Shane Christie, and Robbie Malneek, and eight penalties and a conversion by Tom Marshall. Bay of Plenty got points from two tries by Taniela Moa, one try each by Luke Braid, Grant McQuoid, Daniel Waenga, and Lelia Masaga, and a penalty and three conversions by Mike Delany.

Southland lose the Shield

But before we go into that, let's check out the game between Auckland and Counties Manukau. Auckland won 37-13. Auckland's points came from two tries each by Daniel Braid and Joe Rokocoko, one try by Jerome Kaino, two penalties and two conversions by Gareth Anscombe, and one conversion by Matt Berquist. Counties-Manukau's points all came from Dean Cummins in the form of a try, two penalties, and a conversion. Taiasina Tuifua was yellow-carded in the 78th minute.

Afterwards, Canterbury beat Southland 26-16. Sonny Bill Williams didn't contribute any letters to the alphabet soup this time around but Canterbury still managed to deliver an aftershock of a performance by winning the Ranfurly Shield - and they did this with a try, four penalties, and two conversions by Colin Slade and one try by Telusa Veainu. Southland could only manage a try by Kane Thompson, two penalties and a conversion by Robbie Robbinson, and a penalty by James Wilson.

Otago lose again

So what's the surprise in that? Very little. Waikato were the victors this time round and the scoreline was 41-15. Waikato's points came from two tries, five conversions, and two penalties by Stephen Donald, as well as a try each from Henry Speight, Save Tokula, and Mils Muliaina. Otago got their points from one try each by Alando Soakai and Sean Romans as well as a conversion and a penalty by Glenn Dickson. Halani Aulika was yellow-carded in the 69th minute.

This afternoon, Taranaki beat Manawatu 30-16. Taranaki's points came from tries by Scott Ireland, Andre Taylor, Jayden Hayward, and Beauden Barrett, with Willie Ripia and Andre Taylor each scoring a penalty and a conversion. Manawatu's points came from a try by Hamish Gosling, and three penalties and a conversion by Aaron Cruden.

Happy birthday to me...

But round eleven of the ITM Cup is here and IT'S ON!!!

Last night, Hawke's Bay beat Northland 25-13. Hawke's Bay's points came from tries by Chris Eaton, Richard Buckman, and Kahn Fotuali'i, with Mark Jackman adding two penalties and two conversions. Northland's points (a try, two penalties, and a conversion) all came from Lachie Munro.

THIS JUST WON'T DO

Sorry to use all uppercase letters but a fellow blogger has racist material in one of his posts. If you want to know just what you're up against, click here. The post in question entails prolific use of the N-word and that sort of carry-on cannot be condoned anywhere. Blogger should take action against such racist rubbish before it gets out of hand.

UPDATE: Blogger have since removed all that hate speech.

Frog justice 1, Jerome Kerviel 0

But still, the courts could have locked that bellend up for life. What Kerviel did was unforgiveable - the Societe-Generale (a French bank) lost over NZ$9 billion over a three-day period while they closed out positions which were built up by over NZ$90 billion in fraudulent transactions he had created during his time at the bank. This sort of behaviour cannot be condoned anywhere and the French justice system did a good job of putting that loser in the clink for three years, where he can have a long, hard think about his unethical behaviour.

0-0 at Stadium of Light

That's right, Manchester United are still looking for an away win after drawing against Sunderland 0-0. The only bookings of the match went to Nemanja Vidic and Michael Turner.

While the rugby league action was unfolding over the ditch on Sunday, the tenth round of the ITM Cup was finishing off: Manawatu beat Tasman 20-8. Manawatu's points came from a try, two penalties, and two conversions for Aaron Cruden and a try by Fraser Stone. Tasman's points came from a try by John Marshall and a penalty by James Marshall. Fai Mika got sent to the sin-bin in the 66th minute for infringing at the ruck, and in the 75th minute, Reece Robinson was sent to the bin for getting off his feet in a ruck.

Next game of the afternoon had Counties Manukau beating North Harbour 24-23. Counties Manukau's points came from two tries and two conversions by Tim Nanai-Williams, one try by Tana Umaga, and a penalty and a conversion by Dean Cummins. North Harbour scored their points from one try each by Ben Afeaki, Chris Smylie, and Nafi Tuitavake; Mike Harris added two penalties and a conversion.

More league action tonight

The other two rugby league games I'm going to post the results to are the NSW Cup Grand Final and the Toyota Cup Grand Final.

The NSW Cup, which is mainly contested by New South Wales-based teams (many of them being NRL teams' reserve squads), was taken out by the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs, after beating the Windsor Wolves 24-12. Canterbury-Bankstown's points came from two tries and four goals by Josh Reynolds, and one try each by Rhys Jack and Trent Cutler. Windsor's points came from tries by Jesse Sene Lefao and David Tangata-Toa, and two goals by Craig Trindall.

The Toyota Cup, which is contested by the underage sides of NRL teams, was won by the New Zealand Warriors, who beat the South Sydney Rabbitohs 42-28. The Warriors scored their points from two tries by Elijah Taylor, one try each by Siuatonga Likiliki, Glen Fisilahi, Sam Lousi, Elijah Niko, and Nafetalai Seluini, and seven goals by Shaun Johnson. South Sydney got theirs from tries by James Roberts, Junior Vaivai, Blake Judd, Nathan Peats, and Jack Tulemau, and four goals by Adam Reynolds.

Here's something a little different tonight

It's called rugby league. I have recorded four rather important games onto the MY SKY today and will be watching them two at a time over the next two nights. Results of today's ITM Cup games, and Man United's away game against Sunderland, will be up here on Tuesday. The two most important games are the finals of the Super League and the NRL, and that's what you'll be getting tonight.

The Super League final for 2010 was contested by St Helens and Wigan, and Wigan won 22-10. Wigan's points came from two tries by Martin Gleeson, one try each by Darrell Goulding and Sam Tomkins, two goals by Pat Richards, and one goal by Mark Riddell. (It's worth mentioning that in league, there's no need to distinguish between conversions and penalties because they're both worth the same.) St Helens got their points from tries by Andrew Dixon and Francis Meli, with a goal by Jamie Foster.

The NRL Grand Final for 2010 was contested by the St George-Illawarra Dragons and the Sydney Roosters, and the Dragons won 32-8. St George-Illawarra's points were scored from two tries by Jason Nightingale, one try each by Mark Gasnier, Dean Young, and Nathan Fien, and six goals by Jamie Soward. Sydney's points came from one try each by Braith Anasta and Mitchell Aubusson.

The World Club Challenge will be contested in February between Wigan and St George-Illawarra.

AND COLLINGWOOD WIN THE 2010 AFL GRAND FINAL!

The final score was 16.12 (108) – 7.10 (52). Scott Pendlebury won the Norm Smith medal (if the game has to be replayed because of a tie, a second medal is awarded the following week) this time around. Collingwood’s goals were distributed as follows: two each by Alan Didak, Brent Macaffer, Chris Dawes, Steele Sidebottom, Sharrod Wellingham, and one each by Ben Johnson, Darren Jolly, Dane Swan, Dale Thomas, Harry O'Brien, Tyson Goldsack. St Kilda’s goals were distributed as follows: two by Stephen Milne and one each by Brendon Goddard, Justin Koschitzke, Lenny Hayes, Nick dal Santo, and Sam Gilbert.

Earlier today, Waikato beat Northland 45-33. Waikato’s points came from two tries by Brendon Leonard, one try each by Save Tokula and Henry Speight, and a try, four penalties, and four conversions by Stephen Donald. Northland’s points came from one try each by Mateo Malupo, Cameron Eyre, Mikaele Tuu'u, and Dean Budd, and a try, two penalties, and a conversion by Lachie Munro. Vern Kamo was yellow-carded in the 72nd minute.

Canterbury were the next team to beat Otago, doing so 35-20. Canterbury's points came from tries by Steve Fualau, Ryan Crotty, Sonny Bill Williams, and Sean Maitland, two penalties and three conversions by Colin Slade, and a dropped goal by Andy Ellis. Otago got theirs from tries by Joe Hill and Halani Aulika, and two penalties and two conversions by Glenn Dickson.

Next up, Taranaki delivered a 23-6 victory over Southland. Taranaki scored a penalty try, which is awarded after a foul if the referee believes that a try would have been scored had the foul not taken place. Their other eighteen points came from a try by Jayden Hayward and three penalties and two conversions by Willie Ripia. Southland's only point scorer, Robbie Robinson, kicked two penalties.

It's time to bring on Round 10

And last night, Bay of Plenty were a force to be reckoned with as they made their fourth straight win by beating Wellington 31-24. Bay of Plenty scored their points from tries by Ben Smith, Cory Aporo, and Lelia Masaga; Mike Delany kicked four penalties and two conversions. Wellington's points came from tries by Dane Coles and Alby Mathewson; Lima Sopoaga added four penalties and a conversion.

Tonight, Auckland and Hawke's Bay held each other to a 34-34 draw. Auckland's points came from two tries by Daniel Braid, one try by Winston Stanley, and five penalties and two conversions by Matt Berquist. Hawke's Bay's points came from one try each by Jason Shoemark, Mark Jackman, Trent Boswell-Wakefield, and Sinoti Sinoti; Mark Jackman added two penalties and four conversions. Charlie Faumuina was sent to the sin-bin in the 31st minute.

THE FIRST DISSEMINATORS OF THE TRUTH BELLEND OF THE MONTH AWARD GOES TO…

Nicola McCully. If you’re wondering who she (or he) is and in what ways she’s been a bellend, she is the acting Chief Censor. The Chief Censor is the most powerful position in the Office of Film and Literature Classification (OFLC), who are in charge of censorship and classification of books, movies, and video games released in New Zealand.

Now to why she deserves the Bellend of the Month award: the OFLC gave Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps an M rating. I don’t mind that they used the occasional F-word in that movie, but there were three scenes in which one of the characters was smoking. If I were the Chief Censor, I would’ve insisted on a restricted rating for any movie that has even one scene in which one or more characters is seen smoking. Children can get into an M-rated movie (case in point: I saw The Mask of Zorro back in 1998 as part of my birthday present and I was only turning ten that year) and if kids see people smoking in a movie, they’ll think it’s cool just because that character does it. Smoking is a bad habit and there are lots of nutters out there who could save themselves thousands of dollars each year by not smoking. The entire OFLC should be cleaned out with a Karcher so that such a horrible mistake doesn’t happen again.

Is Stuxnet the answer to our world's woes?

This complex computer worm is capable of seizing control of industrial plants. This malware has already affected several computers used by staff that work at Bushehr, which is about to become Iran's first nuclear power plant. Nuclear power may be a renewable source of energy but it's just dangerous and there's the risk of a huge radioactive cloud forming after an explosion like what happened at Chernobyl. And besides, Iran is in enough hot water over its nuclear program. If Iran wants to use other aspects of the program for nuclear weaponry, then they could collaborate with the United States and after withdrawing American forces from Iraq and Afghanistan, Obama could then re-assign the entire defence force, including the Reserves and National Guard, to North Korea, and the nuclear weapons could then be aimed at getting rid of that tyrant Kim Jong-Il.

RED CARD!

Counties Manukau and Northland played the last game of Round 9 on Sunday. The final score was 40-24 to Counties Manukau. Counties Manukau scored their points from tries by Fritz Lee, Simon Lemalu, Taiasina Tuifua, Sherwin Stowers, and Ahsee Tuala, also, Tim Nanai-Williams kicked two penalties and two conversions and Dean Cummins scored a penalty and a conversion. Northland scored their haul from two tries by Rhyan Caine, one try by Dean Budd, and three conversions and a penalty by Lachie Munro. Fritz Lee became the first person in the current competition to be red-carded, this was issued in the 75th minute for a dangerous tackle.

The Bolton Wanderers were next to take on Man United, with the fixture at Reebok Stadium ending in a 2-2 draw. Man United's goals were scored by Nani and Michael Owen, and Bolton's were scored by Zat Knight and Martin Petrov. Two players were booked.