Jiri Paroubek is such a wimp!

The Social Democratic Party won a plurality (more seats than anyone else but less than half) in the general election in the Czech Republic. However, that doesn't seem to be enough for its chairman Jiri Paroubek, who resigned because the results were poorer than what he was expecting. That is the most wimpish thing a politician could ever do. It's OK to resign over a pay cut that you don't feel is right, but resigning just because your party didn't get all the seats it expected is stupid. If I were him, I'd just be happy that I got the most seats and not make such a stupid move. So what if the results were poorer than expected?

EIGHTY POSTS TODAY!!!

But I'm actually here to talk about Apple's constant product placement in several recent films. In January, I saw two movies: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and It's Complicated. Both had an Apple product somewhere in them. A new movie starring Jackie Chan will also have an Apple computer in it. It's nice to see that the Karcher has turned its powerful spray onto Gates and his empire, even if Apple just want to get ahead of the game.

What the hell...? No no no no no no no!

Or at least that's what my reaction to this little gem was: there's a bunch of lies on a website maintained by the Weston A Price Foundation. Those nutters embrace cholesterol and saturated fat. They advocate consumption of raw milk, which basically is milk that hasn't been pasteurised. They advise against vegetarian and vegan diets. And all those crazy ideas are based on the work of a dentist. I'm staying well away from this "holistic dentistry".

Eleven weeks and nothing to write about...

Maybe if you were in church and somebody was crunching on Doritos during a sermon, then there would be something to write about. But not today.

OUR BLOG IS LUCKY!

And why is the blog lucky? Because we've hit 77 posts.

South Korea needs to get a Karcher onto Kim Jong-Il and fast!

Two months ago, the ROKS Cheonan was sunk. A few days ago, an inquiry into the incident concluded that North Korea was responsible. South Korea has taken the first step by suspending trade with the North but it's not enough. From previous experience, similar actions imposed against the governments of Myanmar and Cuba haven't worked yet, but force has gotten rid of Hitler, Saddam, and Ceausescu among several other tyrants. Even though I think war is wrong, Obama should withdraw American troops from Afghanistan and Iraq and have the entire army reassigned to North Korea (even reinstate the draft if they have to) because force is probably the only thing that communist tyrants like Kim Jong-Il will understand.

75 POSTS!

That's right, we've made it to 75 POSTS! That's right, this is the 75th post that you guys have seen. I apologise for the lack of content typical of some of the more recent posts, but there have been some good posts among them and this will hopefully continue into the foreseeable future.

There doesn't seem to be anything to write about

So I'll just write about nothing :)

Wild Bean Cafe are a bunch of inconsiderate anti-Semitists!

I went into the nearest Wild Bean Cafe today for a coffee. While I was drinking it, I noticed that the lid had what appeared to be a swastika on it. If you've read some of my older posts, you'll find that we do not stand for the depiction of swastikas outside of an appropriate religious context. And that, my friends, is why they're a bunch of inconsiderate anti-Semitists.

Look at Google's attempt to incorporate the Pacman board into their logo!

It's not exactly how they've displayed it on their page, but it still looks cool. It obviously looks better when all the components are on the board.

Twilight is just rubbish!

I am not going to that new Twilight movie because the entire saga is just rubbish. The movies are just bollocks, and the chances of me going to them are smaller than an electron. You'd sooner get me to do illegal drugs than watch that hell and I won't be risking arrest for possession of illegal substances anytime soon, so the only way you'll get me onto that crap is if the chick in the movie took her top off, and even then I won't be going. The movie is crapola and anybody who goes to it has absolutely nothing better to do with their lives than see a whole lot of rubbish.

The Thai military needs to be stopped!

The political situation in Thailand is getting to a point where I feel that Thailand needs to get rid of the army just like Costa Rica did 60 years ago. An army is supposed to defend a country but the army in Thailand is trying to stamp out the Red Shirt protesters. King Bhumibol Adulyadej should just get rid of the army, execute the people responsible for the coup, and restore democracy before another violent clash takes place.

OH GOD NO MORE BOMBS!

A bomb has hit a NATO convoy in Kabul, killing 18 people including five US soldiers and one Canadian soldier. These deaths are all Bush's fault. If he hadn't usurped Al Gore's rightful spot on the podium and declared war in Afghanistan, then the NATO convoy wouldn't even be in Afghanistan and those innocent people wouldn't have died. If Obama had any sense, he would withdraw all troops from Afghanistan and Iraq and have Bush hung, drawn, and quartered because of all the people that have so far died in the War on Terror. In my opinion, Afghanistan was in a lot better state when the Soviet Union invaded it in 1979 causing a mass boycott of the 1980 Olympics in Moscow.

Cartman's racism has gone too far!

Cartman has always ripped on Kyle for being Jewish, once threw a rock at Token and went to juvenile hall because it could be construed as a hate crime, and now he has a hand puppet pretending to be Jennifer Lopez, but this J-Lo is putting out songs about tacos, which are a stereotypical Latino dish. By having that hand puppet, Cartman is stereotyping Latinos. That stereotype is not on.

We're past all the sixes and there's still nothing to write about...

But I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
And this is how it goes:

I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves...

But I'd better stop before it does get on everybody's nerves.

Six is still the magic number...

We've had six weeks, sixty, two to the power of six, and now there's 66 posts. But just wait until there's 666 posts - that's the number of the devil (and don't go looking in the Bible for who this devil is because the verse in question, Revelation 13:18, just says the number is that of "a man".) Who do you think this man could be?

That makes me a very sad panda...

I was watching the episode of South Park with the Sexual Harrassment Panda. The notion of having a panda teach children about sexual harrassment is stupid, and look what happened in the episode: everyone was suing everyone and even the school was losing all its funding. The lesson here is that you can't just go round filing frivolous lawsuits.

The six-ual healing hasn't been completely disseminated yet...

Sorry about the pun. But there's been a six-week checkpoint, a sixty-post checkpoint, and now we're two to the power of six posts in. It's an awesome feeling, and when Marvin Gaye gets that feeling, he'll probably want six-ual healing (sorry about the pun, and yes his music is gay).

OH MY GOD LESTER KRINKLESAC USED THE N WORD!

Tonight I was watching an episode of The Cleveland Show. This was the one where they were all in New York. In the scene in question, Lester was looking for Cleveland among a group of black people and he said they were "all a bunch of n*****s" (actually, the N-word was replaced with a short promo for Family Guy). Then, when Cleveland came to the scene, he said that Lester gets a free pass on the N-word because he knows a black guy. Knowing a black guy is no excuse for getting a free pass on the N-word. There is no way I'd ever use that word around black people.

IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS!!!

It has now been two months since this blog first went up. Thanks so much for your support and (lack of) comments. I hope we're still around after another two months.

It's been two months tomorrow...

It's taken us almost two months, at one post each night, to get this far and we're hopefully here to stay. There'll be posts with better content in the coming days.

This is post #60 so here goes

I think it's stupid how we Kiwis have to dial the area code before making a call outside of our local calling area even if it's in the same area code. For instance, to call a number in Dunedin from Christchurch, you have to dial it 03 429-9664 and not 429-9664 even though the number you're calling from is also in the 03 area code. However, over the ditch, that's not the case and you can dial a number in Sydney as 7010-8845 and not 02 7010-8845 despite being in the likes of Coffs Harbour (further north along the coast). That is just bollocks.

What's the point of running for Parliament if you won't take your seat?

If you follow British or Irish politics, then you may have heard of a political party called Sinn Fein. They are a Unionist party that operates in both the Republic and the Six Counties (Northern Ireland). Even though they believe that Northern Ireland should secede from the UK and form a united Ireland, they still run for seats in the British House of Commons but they don't take them if they do win. And in the recent elections, they walked away with five seats but they're not going to take them. So what's the point of running? If I start something, I finish it. If I win a seat in any legislature, I take it. Sinn Fein should sort out their priorities.

Michael Jackson joke in Hot Tub Time Machine was off colour...

I saw a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine today. It had some really funny bits in it, but I feel the reference to Michael Jackson's skin colour was way too soon. In the relevant scene, when the main characters went back in time to 1986, one of the characters asked one of the people there what colour Michael Jackson was just to make sure it was just a retro party, but she answered that he was black. That reference to the King of Pop was way too soon.

Here's something a little lighter today

It's been nearly two months. There's been some good billboards, especially the one a few days ago that could be construed as having hidden gang messages. There's also been a few examples of swastika-like patterns, overuse of the Karcher brand name, and even some commentary on the recent elections in Hungary. But here's something a bit lighter: two new elements of the Periodic Table. They're called poohs and wees.

Why would you give your kid chicken pox on purpose?

Chicken pox is a common childhood disease and once you've had it, you'll never get it again. But there are some parents who would have their kids sleep over at a friend's house just so they'd catch chicken pox. Mine weren't that cruel and heartless. Take an episode of South Park I watched today, for instance. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman were sent to Kenny's house just so they would get the chicken pox. These "pox parties" are stupid and could constitute child abuse, especially if it's to provide the children with an immunity towards something more serious like swine flu. If you want to make sure they don't get such viruses, then take your kids into the doctor and give them the relevant shots.

This is a bit sinister...

Look at that poster. There are in fact two gripes about it: first off, the Arc de Triomphe is actually in France, not Romania. Also, the poster may be a gang symbol in disguise because of the blue colour and the word that the first letter in each of the four countries mentioned in this poster (China, Romania, India, and the Philippines) spells (CRIP). The poster might not even be in the Northern Hemisphere but what if that poster was on Bloods territory? There could have been a turf war over this poster and somebody could have been shot if this poster were placed in downtown LA.

EWWW GROSS!

This is one of the grossest scenes from South Park ever. In this scene, Butters is eating his puke. This is gross and disgusting. Vomit contains partially-digested food that was rejected because it might have gone off or might have germs. Vomiting is the body's way of getting rid of food that could make someone ill, and eating puke is just stupid.

Still little to write about

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Somalia needs to be cleaned out with a Karcher!

If you don't know which one Somalia is, it's in what's called the Horn of Africa. It's the country that looks like the number 7 (if I ever construct a language, then the word for the number 7 will reflect this fact). One thing that's not right about this place is that in 1991, President Siad Barre was ousted by clan-based forces backed by Ethiopia and a civil war broke out. And there's now another war that has been going on since 2006 (with a brief ceasefire in 2009), which has gotten to the point where one of the warring parties felt it necessary to bomb a mosque near the Bakara market in Mogadishu, which resulted in 39 deaths. This sort of carry-on cannot be condoned anywhere.

Not much to write about tonight...

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We're now into day 50

And we're still here. Thanks for your support.

If you got a second burger by mistake, would you speak up?

I wouldn't because it's a second BBQ Bacon Double Cheeseburger. That means FOUR beef patties, FOUR slices of American cheese, SIX rashers of bacon, TWICE the BBQ sauce, and TWO sesame seed buns (and yes, there are now sesame seeds coming out my buns because I eat at Burger King nearly every day, ha ha very funny). Only a Hindu would turn that much beef down. I only ordered one burger today but got two instead. The guy at the counter had one burger in each of his hands and put both on my tray by mistake, which meant that I immediately picked up my tray and started finding a table before someone realises the mistake. In the words of Mr. T, I pity the fool that could lose his job or maybe just have the cost of the second burger docked from his pay just because he made the mistake of putting two burgers on the same tray instead of one burger on each of two adjacent trays.

Those braids are so overrated

This is a picture of former Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko. That braid is the stupidest hairstyle ever. It might be the fashion in the Ukraine, but there's no way I'm going for it here. Those braids are awful and they need to be scrapped. Tymoshenko needs to get a better hairstyle because the braid looks ugly and stupid. Seriously, if your wife was seen wearing that hairstyle, it would be grounds for immediate divorce and a claim against her for half her stuff.

DOTT SPECIAL REPORT: Second round results not in...

Two weeks ago, the people of Hungary voted to decide on the makeup of the Orszaggyules. Those in constituencies that didn't elect a representative that had more than 50% of the vote went back to the polls on Sunday (local time). Although the results of the second round aren't in yet, I can deduce from the first round results that MSZP won't be the governing party, and rightly so because they lied about their electoral promises in 2006. This sort of electoral fraud should have been confined to the pre-1989 Hungary, and the communist leaders should be lucky they weren't removed violently like Ceausescu was in neighbouring Romania.

Here's why I don't drink illegal liquor:

This is a bottle of a Ugandan liquor known as waragi. Waragi has just been responsible for a mass poisoning in Uganda, where adulteration with methanol (wood alcohol) has already killed at least 80 people over the last few days. The specific drink was not the bottle to the left, but an illegal home-made banana gin contaminated with methanol. The people responsible for making the gin in question should be locked up for life without parole.

Was at the Chinese Garden today...

It was a great place (or would have been had it not been for what looked like a pattern of swastikas under the edges of the roof of the covered walkway). Somebody needs to get a Karcher on that place because one day, a Jew might visit the place and be really offended by all the swastikas. If you thought the previous examples of swastikas were pretty bad, then you haven't been. This sort of hatred toward Jews is not necessary and should be stopped. Millions of Jews died under Hitler's regime, and I'd hate for a Jew to go to that place and faint after seeing the rows of swastikas.

RWC 2011 tickets almost on sale...

Tickets go on sale in 60 hours. Remember, you gotta be there!

WE'VE BEEN DISSEMINATING THE TRUTH FOR SIX WEEKS!

NOT 1320???

If anyone asked you how long the Rhine is, you'd say 1320 km, right? Wrong, as some guy from the University of Cologne named Bruno Kremer found earlier this year. The figure of 1320 turned out to be a typo from a German encyclopedia published in 1932 called Knaurs Lexicon. And yes, these findings have been checked and confirmed. So, when anyone asks how long the Rhine is, the correct response is 1230 km, not 1320. The extra 90 km was a typo. Remember that next time you're reading up on Germany.

That rubbish is so last year!

H1N1 is 2009's news. Last year's pandemic had everyone panicking but it's not 2009 anymore. We have a series of earthquakes and a volcano eruption to worry about now and not some stupid virus that causes "swine flu", but Otago Polytechnic still has this billboard up asking for their help to control the spread of a virus that has thankfully receded into the realm of last year's news, just like those Bom Chicka Wah Wah ads did in 2008. The hand sanitiser nearby can stay but the billboard can't because H1N1 is no longer such a big problem for the world anymore. If you want a bigger problem to replace it, the volcano that erupted in Iceland and resulted in the cancellation of several flights across Europe would fit the bill - and rightly so, because the ash cloud has already gone as far as Kazakhstan despite much of Iceland remaining unaffected.

This is the fortieth post

The new Macbook Pros are here!

I think I did the right thing putting off my switch from PC to Mac until later this year, because there are new MacBook Pro models that were released last week and are almost in New Zealand. The new model has an improved battery life over last year's model (8-10 hours over 7-8 hours), the graphics are better, and the processors are faster. If Steve Jobs thought the original Mac (released in 1984) was "insanely great", then he'd be reconsidering that statement after seeing the awesomeness of the new MacBook Pro line and its ability to one day Karcherize the competition and the Windows operating system that is near-universal among said competition.

One thing I find to be politically incorrect, however, is the use of the term "deeper blacks" when it comes to today's TV and computer displays (quote from a review of the new 15" model: "Still, colors were bright, blacks were deep and dark, and viewing angles were excellent both vertically and horizontally.") That could be taken as a reference to black people, and could cause offence among black people just like the swastika has the potential to cause offence and discomfort among Jews.

MORE swastikas?

The swastika problem in Dunedin is still there - the logo of the Centre City mall looks like a swastika. To the Jewish people, the swastika is a symbol of the oppression their people faced when Hitler was in power. Somebody needs to do something about this before a Jewish person walks past the entrance and gets offended by the logo's resemblance to a swastika.

Tapas aren't Scottish!

Look at this sign I found outside a bar on Lower Stuart Street. It says they're serving tapas despite the Scottish imagery implied by the photo. If those nutters want to get anywhere with their customers with the St Andrew's Cross, then they shouldn't be serving a "full tapas menu". Tapas aren't Scottish in origin, but rather Spanish. People may well start going if haggis, which is a Scottish dish, is served. The malt whiskies and the live Celtic music are a start, but they should either change the tapas menu to dishes associated with Scotland or drop it altogether.

Has anyone ever listened to that Rugby World Cup tune?

I think The Feelers did a pretty good job with covering Jesus Jones. Anyone who's complaining that the song picked was originally by a British band should remember that The Feelers are a Kiwi band. I know the choice of a British song might sound colonialist but if they'd gone with the likes of Loyal, many people outside of New Zealand won't know the song and the advertising campaign for RWC 2011 might fail because a Kiwi song that's practically unknown to people in, for example, Argentina was picked over a British song covered by a Kiwi band who I think did a pretty good job on their cover.

Another South Park gripe...

If you watch South Park, you'll know that Kyle Broflovski is the lone Jew among the boys. And in the Jewish religion, there is a set of dietary laws called Kashrut. One of those laws states that mammals cannot be eaten unless they have cloven hooves and can chew cud. Giraffe meat has recently been considered to fall within these guidelines, but there is a Bible verse specifically saying that pork cannot be eaten.

In this not-very-good photo from the episode "Starvin' Marvin", you can make out Kyle cutting a bit off a ham, which is a continuity error. Ham, just like any other pork product, is not kosher because Leviticus 11:3 states that "whatever parts the hoof and is cloven-footed and chews the cud, among the animals, you may eat" and Leviticus 11:7 states that "the pig, because it parts the hoof and is cloven-footed but does not chew the cud, is unclean to you." And to the right is his mother, Sheila, who isn't doing jack about it.

DOTT SPECIAL REPORT: Trouble no longer brewing in Hungary...

It's not often that I get involved in another nation's politics, but I have nothing better to write about today. The first round of the Hungarian elections concluded a couple of days ago (NZ time), and the ruling MSZP party lost to FIDESZ (logo pictured). In 2006, Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany admitted that his party lied about the electoral promises that they made in order to win that year's election, and this caused over a month of protests. Lying about electoral promises is stupid and I think Hungary had seen enough of that crap during the communist era. The Hungarian people did the right thing this year in Karcherizing those losers representing the MSZP and driving the majority they had in 2006 out of the Orszaggyules (Hungarian Parliament) - so far, only 28 of the 265 seats allocated so far went to the MSZP, compared to FIDESZ's 206 (if you want to know where the other 31 went, 26 went to Jobbik and 5 to LMP). Seriously, if I were a Hungarian citizen and I knew that MSZP were lying about the promises they made, I would've voted for FIDESZ.

Jackass is so disgusting!

Today, I watched an episode of Jackass which was literally crap. In the episode I got this disgusting photo from, there were three stunts involving poo. The first of those involved one of the cast smearing their clothes with refried beans (hint: it looks like poo) and offering free hugs. The second involved one of the cast putting some dog poo in a newspaper, going into an Asian restaurant, ordering a vegetarian dish, putting the dog poo in the meal, and complaining that there's sausage in the meal. And the third one made like that song by Beyonce and found itself going to the left, to the left. It's not a good photo, but what happened was that they put some poo on the toilet seat, got the seat revolving, and smeared it on half the seat.

Why would people put such disgusting rubbish on the air? I don't mind poo but TV shouldn't have to be so disgusting when it comes to poo. That episode of Jackass was filthy as but I did like the stunt where they were trying to down as many hard-boiled eggs as they could in one hour.

Would you like vegies with that?

Burger King make some really good burgers, but they can be fattening too. I found on the British site that Burger King restaurants in the UK and Ireland are selling a burger called the XL Bacon Double Cheeseburger. It's like the BBQ Bacon Double Cheeseburger that is sold here in New Zealand, but it doesn't have BBQ sauce and it's designed to be just as big as the Whopper (hint: XL).

I hate vegies but it's just stupid that Burger King can get away with selling such tasty yet unhealthy burgers. There's 55 grams of fat (26 grams saturated) and 6 grams of sugar in the burger alone, and if you super-size your order, there'll be another 7 grams of fat (4 grams saturated) and 2 grams of sugar in the fries, and 95 grams of sugar in your Coke. That's a total of 62 grams of fat (30 grams saturated) and 103 grams of sugar. If a burger like that is introduced by Burger King in New Zealand, then I'll just stick to the regular BBQ Bacon Double Cheeseburger most days of the week.

Are they actually going to eat that ham?

I love South Park, but one thing I find weird is Mr. Hankey. He's a talking piece of poo that's associated with the holiday season, and he leaves little brown marks where he's been. In this scene from the 1999 Christmas special (Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics), he slid down a family's Christmas ham, leaving a brown mark where he went.

Personally, I wouldn't eat the brown bits because the poo is most likely to have E coli in it. There is no way in hell that I'd risk food poisoning by eating ham that Mr. Hankey, or any other poo, has been near, especially as the Rugby World Cup is next year, and we can't have South Africa cheating us out of the title again like they did in 1995.

Look at that Internet cafe's logo!

This sign is for an Internet cafe on Moray Place called PCNZ. The logo is meant to be a windmill in the same colours as the Windows logo, but if you just look at the outlines of the fan, it looks like two swastikas facing in different directions melded together.

This public display of objects that resemble swastikas could cause offence among Dunedin's relatively small Jewish community if someone doesn't take a stand against places like PCNZ. Someone needs to get a Karcher onto people that publicly display swastikas that are not used in Hindu religious context. The wanton use of swastikas is not on.

I just found the funniest song ever.

It's by a band called The Lonely Island and it's the funniest thing ever. The music video can be accessed on Youtube by clicking here. I can't make it through the whole song without laughing.

DOTT SPECIAL REPORT: My phone's here!

My phone is here, I promised you pics, and here they are. And no, I haven't removed those swastika-like stitches from my mattress yet.

DOTT SPECIAL REPORT: My new cellphone's almost here...

The new cellphone I bought off some guy on TradeMe is almost here. The cellphone looks like the iPhone I have now but it's even better because it has the following:

1. A second SIMcard slot so that I can put both my cellphone numbers in it.

2. A TV tuner and FM radio.

3. A QWERTY keyboard that can be accessed by sliding it out from the rest of the phone.

4. A microSD card slot that can take anything up to 16 GB.

5. A second camera at the front.

And all this for NZ$800 LESS than what I paid for my iPhone.

The photo is of the card I got in the mailbox saying that I wasn't up to sign for the package and that I can go to the address in South Dunedin provided to pick up the parcel, which I will be doing tomorrow. There will be pics of the actual phone up tomorrow night.

Who wears their kin on their skin?

Look at this sign. Why would anyone wear their kin on their skin? Hair and freckles are OK, but when it comes to your kin, you can't wear it on your skin. Your kin (family) is not something you'd wear on your skin. Neither is a tattoo - they're lamer than hell and they could get infected.

Whoever wears their kin on their skin has nothing better to do with their lives than wear their kin on their skin. If I had a choice between wearing my kin on my skin and having someone defecate in my cistern, then I'm taking the top off the cistern.

What was that word after "rock & roll"?

If you are offended by one of the tracks listed on this Patti Smith album, then you're not alone. I took this photo at a music store on Princes Street called Disk Den, and the track in question, known as "Rock & Roll N*****", features a nasty, vile, and just plain horrible word that's directed at black people. I do not condone the N-word and Disk Den should be ashamed of themselves for selling CD's which promote hatred towards other ethnicities. They should remove it from their shelves before someone else picks it up and starts getting all upset about the racial slur. We do not need that sort of language in our society and we should be respecting diversity instead of promoting words and language that cause offence towards other ethnic groups.

Not a very PC mattress is it?

If you look at the pattern of the stitching on my mattress, it looks like one of the most controversial and politically incorrect symbols known to our Western society: the swastika.

Despite the swastika pattern, I am not a Nazi sympathiser and I can't believe that the mattress I've been sleeping on for the last few years has such a controversial design stitched on it. Several Asian peoples won't see much problem with it, but for Westerners, it's a different story. During the 1930's, Hitler misappropriated what several religions based mostly in India consider a sacred symbol and now the swastika is associated with Nazi Germany and hatred towards Jews.

I honestly did not see that the stitch pattern formed swastikas until yesterday while I was making my bed and I am going to take the offending stitches out sometime soon.

Now it's both meaty AND vegetarian?

I'm not a vegetarian but I find it just plain stupid that a vegetarian pizza can be meaty like the one mentioned on this menu from a bar on Lower Stuart Street named Metro. The meatiest vegetarian anything has absolutely no meat anywhere near it, so Metro are just wasting their time.

And there's one more gripe: why is vegetarianism such a big deal? Everyone knows that vegetarians are complete douches who are missing out on the wonderful taste that only meat can offer you. If there is a god, then he (or she) created animals for one reason: for food. And that god would have commanded that mankind enjoy everything the planet has to offer.

Guilty by WHAT?

This pun is just stupid. I understand it's near the courthouse but there's just no excuse for a place being guilty by confection. The chocolate they sell rocks the hizzouse but the name has just got to go. There is no need to demonise chocolate because it's not illegal in New Zealand to eat chocolate and there is nothing in the Bible stating that thou shalt not eat chocolate. If you look in chapter 20 of Exodus, you'll find thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not commit adultery, and thou shalt not steal. But I can't find thou shalt not eat chocolate anywhere in any of the 66 books in the Bible.

While we're on the subject, read the text near the bottom. The only thing even close to decadence in the store is overpriced chocolate that rocks the hizzouse, and nothing in the history of crime has ever been "well worth the sentence" because crime doesn't pay.

What a week it's been!

I would like to take a break from all the rubbish that is standard fare on this blog and focus on several events that have been going on over the last week that nobody ever saw coming:

1. China have finally landed a man on the moon.
2. The drinking age in New Zealand has been lowered to 10 for wine and beer and 12 for spirits.
3. The age of criminal responsibility has been raised in the UK from 10 to 65.
4. Nelson Mandela died of heart failure last night.
5. Scientists have discovered a genetic defect in pigs which means the sufferer chews its cud. The first lot of pork from this "kosher pig" will be examined by a rabbinical council in New York in the coming weeks.
6. Also in New York, a dome whose purpose is to block out the sun during the summer months will begin construction in August of 2011.
7. Apple CEO Steve Jobs has announced that all of their computers starting in December 2012 will have Windows as the default operating system.
8. The Simpsons has been cancelled to make room on Fox's schedule for hour-long episodes of Family Guy.
9. Finland and Estonia will be swapping national anthems in June.
10. Pepsi have announced a merger with Coca-Cola.

See, folks? No matter what time of the year it is, life is full of surprises.

Shame on you, 153 Frederick Street!

How can people throw their liquor bottles on their front lawn like that! It's bad enough that students drink themselves stupid, but they don't need to throw their bottles on the lawn! Besides making my room look tidy by comparison, it's awful, especially if the landlord has to clean it up. The bottles are a nightmare to look at and if I got my hands on a Karcher, those drunks would be running faster than they can get themselves into debt with their student loans.

They should be recycling those and doing the environment a favour. Dunedin would be a better place for students if everyone stopped dumping their beer bottles on the front lawn and started recycling. Those bottles are a complete eyesore and people shouldn't have to suffer at the hands of some drunken students a few doors down. In fact, areas within a 1 km radius from the University of Otago should be made a liquor-free zone and the University should use their Code of Conduct to deal with anyone who doesn't respect the ban.

What rubbish!

On Lower Stuart Street, there are several cafes, two Japanese restaurants, and at one end, you'll see the courthouse and the railway station. Many businesses there have been mentioned in this blog, and Pinkalilly's Parties (which is where I got the photo from) is next in line for a review. Look at those outfits. Nobody in their right minds would wear that crap. Maybe 40 years ago, but not now. Sure outfits like those in the display might be suitable for a fancy dress party but they should stay in the 60s where they belong. They are just plain rubbish and they suck. There are more decent clothes at The Warehouse or Kmart. These outfits are out of line with what 2010 expects of you, and they are just not cool.

OK, so who created God?

I was not raised a religious person, but those who were picked up the theory that God created the world in six days. But hold on a minute. If that's true, then God can't have appeared out of nowhere. If God creates everything, then who created God?

I can eliminate Jesus because he's the Son of God. I can also eliminate myself because the closest thing I've created was $2000 of credit card debt back in July 2008. That took just two weeks to build up and I'm in my 21st month of paying it off. But I'm doing rather well, paying off more than the minimum repayment every month, and now I have only $70 to go. Then I'm closing the credit card, because repaying it has been 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, and 50% pain. How's that for 100% reason to remember the name? (For the record, Fort Minor didn't create God either.) So who did create God?

Cascadia: environmental movement or anti-Microsoft plot?

This picture is of the flag of a proposed nation in North America known as Cascadia. According to Wikipedia, the concept of this nation, consisting of the American states of Washington and Oregon and the Canadian province of British Columbia, is closely identified with the environmental movement. But think about it: is this really so?

Here's my theory of what's going on: Seattle alone is home to several companies like Microsoft and Starbucks. However, Apple is headquartered in Cupertino, which is in California. This means that Apple fans can discredit Microsoft by attempting to kick Washington State out of the Union. Once Windows users learn that Microsoft is no longer American, but Cascadian, then the most patriotic of them would lose faith in the Windows family of operating systems and get Macs when the computers they're using now are no longer useful.

Could this be a curse?

Cycle Surgery are the fourth business in Lower Stuart Street to come on our bad side within two short weeks. Look at the shirt. Doesn't that look like the rainbow jersey that only the top cyclists will ever wear?

To wear the rainbow jersey, you have to be the reigning world champion in any bicycle racing discipline. However, I have heard of a curse which seems to plague these champions (list adapted from Wikipedia):

1. Tom Simpson (UK) won the world title in 1965. During the following winter (Jan/Feb 1966), he broke his leg skiing.

2. 1970 world champion Jean-Pierre Monseré died wearing the rainbow jersey in March 1971.

3. Laurent Brochard, the world champion of 1997, became involved in a doping scandal a year later.

4. The 1987 winner, Irishman Stephen Roche, who had won the Tour de France and Giro d'Italia in the same season, missed nearly the entire 1988 season with a knee injury.

5. The 1990 winner, Rudy Dhaenens of Belgium, had no results in 1991, and was forced to retire shortly after with heart problems.

6.The 1994 winner, Luc Leblanc of France had a injury plagued 1995 season with very poor results, winning only one small race.

7. The 2003 winner, Spaniard Igor Astarloa, switched to the French team Cofidis for the 2004 season which almost immediately suspended itself from racing due to doping allegations against several members of the team. In response to this, Astarloa switched first to the Lampre team, and then the Barloworld team. He has had a very quiet career since his 2003 victory.

8. The 2004 World Road Champion Óscar Freire developed a saddle sore during the following season.

9. In August 2004 British professional cyclist David Millar was suspended for two years, stripped of his 2003 World Time Trial Championship jersey, and fined $1,600, after confessing to the use of EPO in 2001 and 2003.

10. On 24 September 2006, Italian Paolo Bettini won the Rainbow Jersey in the World Road Race Championship in Salzburg, Austria. Eight days later on 2 October his older brother Sauro died when his car struck an obstacle and overturned into a ditch. He himself had a few accidents in the beginning of 2007 season (Tirreno-Adriatico 2007) and technical problems (in E3-Prijs Vlaandereren his chain snapped).

11. On November 26, 2006, while wearing the rainbow jersey, Isaac Gálvez died during the Six Days of Ghent, following a horrific crash into the upper barrier surrounding the indoor track.

12. The 2008 World Road Champion Alessandro Ballan was diagnosed with CMV near the beginning of the 2009 season, and as a consequence missed the spring's classics and the Giro d'Italia, his home tour. As a result he was in poor form for that year's Tour de France, and only made a proper appearance once, on stage 19 when he unsuccessfully broke away near the end of the stage.

13. By having a rainbow jersey in their window, Cycle Surgery may be inadvertently putting a curse on their bikes.

Now they're putting "best" in their business name!

I captured this gem outside of a cafe on Lower Stuart Street called Best Cafe. I like the delicious fish meals they have, but there are 4 things that are not to be liked about the place:

1. One that keeps creeping up here: making potentially misleading claims that the place is "the best". But one thing sets this apart from the other two I've nabbed: The word "best" is now in the business's name!

2. The decor is outdated.

3. The Coke they have there is overpriced: a can costs $2.50 with your meal when I can get one from a vending machine at the Polytechnic for only $1.20. That would make anybody want to sneak outside Coke in.

4. Their coleslaw tastes like puke.

Check this load of bull out!

The travel agent that is displaying this ad is putting Malaysia in a positive light. Malaysia is NOT "Truly Asia". In fact, the place is such a hellhole, and here's why:

1. They have what's called an elective monarchy: what goes on is that their Yang di-Pertuan Agong is elected by a Council of Ministers from one of the sultans. Elective monarchies are stupid and weird.

2. Clauses in their constitution favouring what's known as "Bumiputra" are racist.

3. Malaysia is just way too hot.

4. Malay food tastes disgusting.

5. Those brutes still allow caning of male offenders between the ages of 16 and 50.

6. They've had the same ruling political party since independence from the UK.

When did this happen?

Read what the window says. It says that "her" favourite fashion label has just become "his", which probably means that Witchery now stocks men's clothes. And if a shop that's selling women's clothing is now selling men's clothing as well, it's either to attract gays or to get more men going clothes shopping with their expensive girlfriends. That's an experiment doomed to fail.

Branching out into menswear may be a good thing if you want another demographic buying clothes from your store, but think about it first. Men might not come to your shop. They already know that the place stocks women's clothing and they still won't come to the shop despite men's clothing now being sold there.

Great deal, bad hair.

Being a tertiary student, I sometimes find myself a bit hard up and for that reason, free money is a temptation. This billboard says that Westpac are offering a great deal on a tertiary account (including $40 to get you started).

But there is one turn-off: the hairstyle on the guy in this ad is just rubbish. Who would be so stupid as to grow such a stupid hairstyle? And what's with calling the account package "Westie Pac"? That's the worst name you can think of for such an offer, and if you couple it with that ugly-looking mullet, it's enough to scar you mentally and emotionally especially when the bank in question, Westpac, is owned by an Australian company!

And so the saga continues...

A few days ago I found an ad saying "Without a Doubt Dunedin's Best Burgers." Today, I found another ad from a taxi company that says it's "the best". Below the words "free phone" are the words "Use the best - forget the rest".

Before you advertise yourself as "the best", you should think about the impact that it will have. Sure you might get more people ditching your competitors for you but your competitors may think you're some sort of show-off. You should have proof to back your statements up before you go around saying you're the best otherwise it will cause hurt feelings all round.

Why do people still use charity boxes when there's a recession?

Call me heartless or cold or unkind if you want but there's a recession on and I'm surprised that people can still afford to put small change in a charity box while living in fear that they may lose their job the next day. I think that people should just put their spare change towards their credit cards or their retirement fund or something like that.

If you think ten cents isn't that much of a loss, it will be if you put ten cents in each of ten thousand boxes - think about what else you could've done with that $1000. You could've bought a new laptop or maybe a new ten-speed bike or you could've kept your family fed for a few more weeks. So, keep your spare change and don't just put it in the charity box.

What's with this whole 3D rubbish?

Hoyts have gone completely nuts over this whole 3D craze. They have given up all 8 of their poster spaces outside the theatre to promote a stupid 3D movie and they've even put "3D" on their doors like it's supposed to be a good thing when only two of the movies on right now are in 3D.

I've never been inside a 3D cinema but I know how they work: they cost more than a 2D film and an extra $1 for special ridiculous-looking glasses. If I had a choice between going to a 3D movie and being tased in the nuts, then you can tase me any day.

Why is a stupid anime convention such a big deal?

In two months' time, Dunedin will play host to one of the worst possible things ever: an anime convention! Excited? Well you shouldn't be! And here's why:

Anime is one of the lowest forms of entertainment you can think of. If you want to know what it is, it's animation drawn in a stereotypically Japanese manner. People who watch anime usually have nothing better to do with their lives and they should be Karcherized. They should be removed from the rest of human society because anime is rubbish and just plain awful. Nobody I know would even think about watching that crap.

OK, but is there any proof they're the best?

One thing that I don't like is the fact that some businesses claim that they're the best. Where is the proof of that? And what are the potential consequences such slogans will have on the competitors?

I think claims of being "the best" are most likely to come from show-offs who don't realize they could be selling products that may well be substandard. In the case of this billboard, there is no way that you can be certain you're getting the best burger from that place. I think Burger King makes the best burgers - especially their BBQ Bacon Double Cheeseburger.

Finally a billboard whose message I agree with

I think Apple's soon-to-expire offer on this billboard is a very good incentive to get students off Windows and on to a real operating system for real computers. But many Mac users would feel Karcherized by the fact that most Internet cafes run Windows XP on their computers. I am currently saving up for a Macbook to replace my Acer Aspire 5315 because like anyone with any sense, I'd rather my operating system were made by a company named after a fruit than one whose name is an accurate description of founder and former CEO Bill Gates's wang.

There is also one other issue: not everybody likes the Mac. Some people's negative attitudes towards Macs are completely unfounded. I suggest those people try the Mac out - they'll be surprised.

Since when do smart kids roughhouse others?

According to today's billboard, smart kids wrestle. According to me, that's bollocks. Children should not be exposed to such reckless behaviour like that depicted on the billboard, which only serves to teach children that roughhousing another human being will magically raise your IQ. To me, the idea that roughhousing another human being will magically raise your IQ is just BOLLOCKS, plain and simple. I do not know of any "smart kid" out there that would take up something so violent as wrestling.

UPDATE: The finger at the top of the photo is because it was raining and I didn't want to trip the water sensors in the headphone socket on my iPhone 3GS (which I've since sold online and now I have an iPhone 4).